X-Entertainment.com X-Entertainment.com A Proud UGO Affiliate
My dying wish is for an owl/camel hybrid, which I call camowl.
« [Main Index] »

Tribute to Stay Puft, and Roy Rogers’ Happy Meals.

I had a dream that I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up, my pillow had transformed into an all-too-long tribute to The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. One love, Stay Puft. We tight.

Fast food chains are more successful in some areas than other areas, and in NYC, the once-great Roy Rogers' scope has dwindled down to just a few remaining restaurants. I don't know when Roy stopped being fashionable, but I'd like to kill the person who started that movement because God damn, his chicken was serious business. The breast pieces always came with this little knob of fried fat attached to the edge, and popping those busters is certainly what led to every fried chicken place on the planet coming up with their version of "chicken poppers." If you live in a city that still pays Roy his due respect, consider yourself lucky and eat some crunchy skin for me.

Roy's inability to connect with children may have played a part in his slow decline. McDonald's had Happy Meals and Burger King had constant Happy Meal rip-offs, and Wendy's had a pretty little red-haired girl on the marquee, but what did Roy Rogers have? Nothing. Roy Rogers had chicken. Roy Rogers has roast beef. But Roy Rogers had no Happy Meal.

Eh, that's not entirely true. Once in a blue moon, Roy would put aside his convictions about chicken restaurants needing to serve chicken and not pander to the lowbrow crowd who wanted toys with their chicken. I assume this to be the work of his advisors, always in Roy's ear with more lies about the necessity of a Happy Meal element. I kind of want to spend the next paragraph writing "buckaw" over and over again, but I won't. One of Roy's Rare Rappy Reals was called "Power Pullers," including small action figures that...pulled power.

Essentially superhero-shaped Wacky Wall Walkers, the figures came in four different colors, stuffed in text-ridden picture boxes that went to great lengths to make the toys seem more interesting than McDonald's Fast Macs. Click here to download the commercial, and note how the song number doesn't really gel with save-the-world superhero toys. Buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw.

Posted by Matt on 04/30/2006. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 134 comments

There’s a RGB and a Slimer cartoon on the GBII disc in the I&II set I bought at Wal-Mart. "If I must, I must. Although, all things considered…."
The "main" (read:ABC’s Saturday Morning as opposed to the syndicated) ‘toon had some great writing!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/01/2006 4:04 PM

matt your your stay puft article was one of the greatest in months
you the man

Chestnuts roasted by spliner is a rat @ 05/01/2006 4:17 PM

Happy May Day!

"Cause it’s the first of May, first of May
Outdoor fucking starts today"

-First of May, Johnathon Coulton

Chestnuts roasted by Welsh Rabbit @ 05/01/2006 5:59 PM

Gah! Everytime I see kb post I think it’s just Kidneyboy shortening his name for some odd reason. There’s too many people to keep track of! For a while I could have sworn mtrox and Mike the Great were the same person. There’s too many damn Mikes. And Joshes. And Matts. You all need to think up cooler handles.

Did we get another fucking Darth, too?

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 05/01/2006 6:31 PM

Not to be nitpicky, but the "Do Re Egon" sequence was from Ghostbusters 2, when they are in the courthouse

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 05/01/2006 6:47 PM

Mystie: Sorry. From this point forward I will be known…as Spoodles.

DUM DUM DUM!

In re: to your earlier comment: How does a post-coitus Ghostbuster quote session go? I’d imagine "He slimed me" is prevalent, but where else do you go with it?

And Chris–Matt mentioned that it was from the sequel.

Chestnuts roasted by mtrox @ 05/01/2006 6:53 PM

"Not to be nitpicky, but the "Do Re Egon" sequence was from Ghostbusters 2, when they are in the courthouse "
I’m pretty sure that was mentioned in the review. Unless it was changed recently, I don’t know. Besides, I can’t be nitpicky because I’m about to mention something that may have allready been mentioned. I’m not going to check because I’m lazy.
The other Ghostbusters cartoon came first… sort of. It was based on a live action T.V. Show from the 70s. And if you’re daring, check it out. I found an episode through a Yahoo video search.

Also, The Mrs. has 2 of those Stay Puft action figures if you still need one, Matt.

Lemme know.

Chestnuts roasted by Lucky Redlightbulbs @ 05/01/2006 6:56 PM

mtrox – I wish I could remember. It was pretty early on in the relationship, so we may have still been going through the "what movies do you like?" stage. Not much else to talk about when you’re parked in a contruction site in the middle of the night. *shrug*

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 05/01/2006 7:27 PM

Ha lol Good stuff

Chestnuts roasted by Danny @ 05/01/2006 7:28 PM

Ha! mtrox, I like that pseudonym. Every time the boyfriend and I discuss Disneyworld, we have to say "Spoodles" 4 or 5 hundred times over the next few days.

It’s a restaurant on the Disney Boardwalk in case anyone wondered. The name is baffling, yet compelling somehow. And also, spoodles spoodles spoodles.

Chestnuts roasted by Welsh Rabbit @ 05/01/2006 8:11 PM

We have a restaurant here called Noodles or something. I always think it’s called Spoodles though. I think that would be a better name.

I heard about that restaurant in Disney, but I didn’t see it. I miss Disney so much. I think I’m having a sort of post-partum depression. I’m already trying to find a way to raise money to go back during Christmas. By the way, it’s not possible to eat as much character related food as possible. I did end up in the middle of the park with ice cream and chocolate all over my face, though. This fat guy stared at me the whole time I ate it. I think he was turned on.

As for lost food.. I can’t think of much. I used to love strawberry Charlston Chews, but they’re becoming hard to find. Of course I miss the original Jell-O Pudding Pops, as does everyone in the entire world.

I remember at Hardee’s we got those little electronic Ghostbuster things. My cousin, who I’m pretty sure was a miniature meth addict, took mine apart. I still hate him for that.

Chestnuts roasted by Rebecca @ 05/01/2006 9:04 PM

venison,

I had two versions, actually. I had one that you strapped on your back, and then the particle thrower/gun had a long foam part coming out that was supposed to be the stream (my memory wants to say it was like a meter long, but it was probably closer to two feet or less.). I had the trap with that one.

The second one didn’t come with the pack itself, and was a far bulkier version of the particle thrower/gun/whatever, but the cool thing was it was basically a projector, so whenever you hit the trigger, it would project this big image of all these different ghosts on the wall. I wish I still had that.

Chestnuts roasted by Wukong @ 05/01/2006 9:43 PM

LOL Rebecca the image of giving birth to Disney brings to mind a certain South Park gag.
Speaking of names, is it dumb that I got a major kick out of my (real) name turning up on Sopranos last night? It’s always been pretty rare to hear on telly so I marked out like a total geek.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 05/01/2006 9:56 PM

Wukong – I had the same one and I’d like to think the foam was at least 2 feet. It probably wasn’t.

Chestnuts roasted by megamouth @ 05/01/2006 11:20 PM

Squee4242- I know what you mean. The only place I hear my name is in Masterpiece Theatre style period dramas. It feels weird to hear someone say it when they’re not talking to me. I still say it’s better to have an unusual name though, even if you can’t buy sparkly pencils with your name on them from that big dime-store rack.

Chestnuts roasted by Welsh Rabbit @ 05/01/2006 11:25 PM

Ha, found an egg in the article. Let’s just say that you can talk to Murray if you really want to.

Chestnuts roasted by Mike @ 05/01/2006 11:42 PM

I thought I was the only person to be semi-traumatized by the library scene in Ghostbusters.
I can still vividly remember being 4 years old and watching the moving on beta-max with my dad, him asking if I was ok to watch it and me foolishly saying yes.

Chestnuts roasted by Brett @ 05/01/2006 11:59 PM

Mike:

I’ve hovered over the word Murray and every picture of Murray (be it the Mantis or Bill). Any other clue?

Chestnuts roasted by Spoodles @ 05/02/2006 1:08 AM

Nevermind, found it. Now the real question: does he talk back.

Chestnuts roasted by Spoodles @ 05/02/2006 1:14 AM

Hmmm…never heard of Roy Rogers. I guess that’s because I’m not from the east coast. Sometimes I wish I was. More specifically, I wish I was from NYC, except for…well…you know.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 05/02/2006 1:16 AM

RGB was my bible when I was a kid. I still have my Kenner Stay Puft Marshmellow Man, and a Marshmellow Man plush doll with glow-in-the-dark facial features.

I also saw a replica(I doubt it was an authentic movie prop) of the Ecto-1 zoom by when I was in the drive-thru at Rax (which I just learned still has open locations somewhere). I practically shat my pants. My dad made a comment like "It’s probably driven by wooden men who go ‘neener-neener-neener!’"
I chalk this memory up either to:
1. I had poor comprehension and memory when I was about five.
OR
2. My Dad’s heavy drinking in those days.

Chestnuts roasted by RewolfJ @ 05/02/2006 1:44 AM

Staypuft is the shit, but honestly… man i miss me some Roy Rogers, they had awesomely delicious burgers and chicken sandwiches, and the ones that are still around (which are far and few between) still have awesomely delicious food. Here’s to Roy Rogers, and one last Rogery chicken hoo-ra!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Jericho @ 05/02/2006 3:12 AM

When I was 9 my family went to Universal Studios. Little me saw the Ecto-1 and practically peed herself. Anyone know if it’s still there?

Oh and I was explaining to my friend about my cousin’s obsession with taking apart all things electronic and she didn’t understand the meth addict correlation. So, to clear things up for those of you who aren’t in the know, meth addicts like to take stuff apart. Upon researching this fact, I found this amusing True/False article geared towards at-risk teenagers. Here’s a snippit:

"TRUTH: Meth can make you want to clean and get organized.

REALITY: It’s true that meth can make you want to clean, but that doesn’t mean your room will be neat and tidy. Meth use is called "tweaking" for the repetitive actions users find themselves doing, like taking apart and trying to reassemble things. Unfortunately hygiene becomes unimportant and addicts often live in filthy environments. Therefore, it’s unlikely that meth will help get your mom off your back to clean your room."

Good God, I hope that there is no one taking meth solely to get their mom "off their back" for not cleaning their room.

Chestnuts roasted by Rebecca @ 05/02/2006 4:16 AM

As a former tweeker, I can honestly say that I never lived in a filthy environment when I was tweeking and that my apartment was always fucking spotless and my hygiene became a majorly obsessive point for me to avoid things like speed bumps and fucking up my teeth. Even though I don’t do drugs anymore, I hate generalized anti-drug propoganda bullshit.

What does this have to do with Ghostbusters?

Chestnuts roasted by WonKa @ 05/02/2006 5:17 AM

I love the crossdressed characters holding onto the balloon in that episode.

Chestnuts roasted by Felicity @ 05/02/2006 7:13 AM

Add A New Comment!


This entry was posted on Sunday, April 30th, 2006 at 8:08 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.