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Tribute to Stay Puft, and Roy Rogers’ Happy Meals.

I had a dream that I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up, my pillow had transformed into an all-too-long tribute to The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. One love, Stay Puft. We tight.

Fast food chains are more successful in some areas than other areas, and in NYC, the once-great Roy Rogers' scope has dwindled down to just a few remaining restaurants. I don't know when Roy stopped being fashionable, but I'd like to kill the person who started that movement because God damn, his chicken was serious business. The breast pieces always came with this little knob of fried fat attached to the edge, and popping those busters is certainly what led to every fried chicken place on the planet coming up with their version of "chicken poppers." If you live in a city that still pays Roy his due respect, consider yourself lucky and eat some crunchy skin for me.

Roy's inability to connect with children may have played a part in his slow decline. McDonald's had Happy Meals and Burger King had constant Happy Meal rip-offs, and Wendy's had a pretty little red-haired girl on the marquee, but what did Roy Rogers have? Nothing. Roy Rogers had chicken. Roy Rogers has roast beef. But Roy Rogers had no Happy Meal.

Eh, that's not entirely true. Once in a blue moon, Roy would put aside his convictions about chicken restaurants needing to serve chicken and not pander to the lowbrow crowd who wanted toys with their chicken. I assume this to be the work of his advisors, always in Roy's ear with more lies about the necessity of a Happy Meal element. I kind of want to spend the next paragraph writing "buckaw" over and over again, but I won't. One of Roy's Rare Rappy Reals was called "Power Pullers," including small action figures that...pulled power.

Essentially superhero-shaped Wacky Wall Walkers, the figures came in four different colors, stuffed in text-ridden picture boxes that went to great lengths to make the toys seem more interesting than McDonald's Fast Macs. Click here to download the commercial, and note how the song number doesn't really gel with save-the-world superhero toys. Buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw buckaw.

Posted by Matt on 04/30/2006. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 134 comments

Aw, my (now ex)boyfriend and I used to quote Ghostbusters together… after sex. Damn. Now I’m all sad again. I miss my geek.

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 05/01/2006 7:23 AM

Everytime I hear about this chain I think about Tom Hanks burbing while on Letterman and then having the following exchange:

Dave: Those Roy Rogers burgers are good, aren’t they?

Tom: Oh yeah… What can ya say, Trigger died and Roy had a great idea.

Chestnuts roasted by MDH @ 05/01/2006 7:51 AM

Dear Kahless, chickn, giant marshmallow-men and … err, stretchy things. Truly a day that will live forever in song.

You know what? For the longest time I’ve made fun of marshmallows, writing pseudo-national-geographic articles about the wild marshmallow plant rolling across the planes of the praeries. Then I found out that they did, actually, grow on "trees" once – the mallow plant, which grew in marshes. Heh. Well, that’s less material for me.

Chestnuts roasted by Road Block @ 05/01/2006 7:55 AM

For a Ghostbusters fan, I highly recommend trying the Sega Genesis Ghostbusters game that was released in 1990. Mr. Stay-Puft makes a far more impressive appearance in it, and the game is a lot more fun, without the budget balancing. You also get to pick which Ghostbuster you want to play as (with the acception of Winston, scandal!) and each Ghostbuster has his own different strengths. Not the greatest game, but one of the better games released for Genesis I think, and I still get a kick out of playing it occasionally.

Chestnuts roasted by Kendra @ 05/01/2006 9:33 AM

Oh man, I loved Roy Rogers. They don’t have them in Philly anymore. They were mostly all replaced by Wendy’s. I went to the one at the rest stop right outside of NYC on the way home from Boston. I was so happy to see it. Mike, I work right above the Gallery, and I would be a very happy man if that Roy Rogers was still there!

Chestnuts roasted by Y2JB78 @ 05/01/2006 10:09 AM

Man, the library ghost rocks. When I’m rich and bored (next Tuesday, if all goes according to plan) I’m going to buy me a good voice changer and a http://projects.star.t.u-tokyo.ac.jp/projects/MEDIA/xv/oc.html">scramble suit and spend my days haunting library stacks. Crank the camo up to about 75%, just enough for the shelves to be visible behind you, wait for some hapless shmuck to stumble across you, turn slowly to face them, and then scream "Get out!" in a voice rife with demonic reverberation. I just really don’t think it would ever get old.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 05/01/2006 10:35 AM

I remember a promotion Roy Rogers did with Gumby figurines as a child. I got a Goo and my brother received Prickle.

Roy Rogers was sold to Hardee’s in the early 1990′s, and then Hardee’s sold some to Wendy’s and some to Boston Market, they tried turning the rest into Hardee’s, but after that failed they sold those off to McDonalds. The Roy Rogers of my childhood was turned into a Boston Market, and I refuse to step foot in the place because they took away a piece of my childhood.

Chestnuts roasted by Lydick @ 05/01/2006 11:19 AM

spaz307 – Nope, I know it was either Roy Rogers or Hardee’s. This was when I was so little we didn’t have an Arby’s… and the only Arby’s we’ve ever had is in our mall, and I remember eating them in the car. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 05/01/2006 11:25 AM

"They used to have one in downtown Philadelphia at the Gallery shopping mall. I think the logo is still visible (it was carved into the wood). How depressing it was to see a Roy Rogers logo with a damn Foot Locker next to it." — Mike F

Holy Fuck! I hadn’t thought about that Roys in years. Every Christmas my sister would take me and my brother to see the Nutcracker, then to Strawbridge’s to see the Dickens Village and go to the candy counter for Swedish fish and fruit slices, and then we’d go to Wanamaker’s to see the light show with the dancing fountains. We’d get Roys chicken before catching the R5 back out to Glenside. I miss Philadelphia in those days.

Chestnuts roasted by LemurCat @ 05/01/2006 12:01 PM

There used to be a Roy ROgers near the Virginia/West Virginia Line on I-77. We would always stop there on the way to or from a family reunion. The weird thing is that it wasn’t my family. And that it was in West Virginia.

A few years ago, I went on a road trip just to go to that Roy Rogers restaurant. I drove nearly 2 hours. When I got to that exit, my heart sank and a hearty "Motherfucker!" wrang out as I saw an empty lot where my dear Roy Rogers had once stood. The bastards….

Chestnuts roasted by freudguy @ 05/01/2006 12:09 PM

The Goze’ him/herself hasn’t posted yet? I thought I was going to see the name near the top, but no dice. Not even to layeth the smackdown on the Marshie quote. MotherPusBucket!
There was an explanation of why there was a Stay-Puft in the containment unit. I think it had to do with a major spook of some type creating a near-exact copy because the original almost got the RGBs the last time. They managed to trap this one and discovered that it wasn’t evil, just stupid. He became the Ghost of Last Resort.
One of my favorite episodes was when they went to Japan and got to use the amphibious Ecto-Ichi.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/01/2006 12:29 PM

there are at least 15 roys here in md, with a few in va and they’re planning to open more up. their roast beef and hamburgers are to die for.

Chestnuts roasted by matt g @ 05/01/2006 1:04 PM

Dude!!!! Marshmallows for the win!
http://warehouse.carlh.com/article_054/index.php

Chestnuts roasted by Carl @ 05/01/2006 1:09 PM

Ahhhh, MAtt, Awesome Stay-
puft article!!
looking at the old toys brought me waaay back, i dont know how weird this is but when you menyioned that slimer came with a pizza watermellon etc. i started to remember how slimer smelled when i first took him out of the box, good times.
had stay-puft too!, lookin at that silly bastard right now in fact, thats one toy i wouldnt let "moms" throw away.
and as for roys chicken, i live in newfoundland(thats canada bitches ;P) so i have never even heard of it and like Ryane I too am Vegan, so even if there was one in my area i Can’t enjoy the fruits of roys labour.
Goin to see alice cooper tonight, WOO!!! awesome update and an alice cooper show, today be a good day….
JoshC

Chestnuts roasted by JoshC @ 05/01/2006 1:12 PM

" MY roommate bought both movies on dvd, and when he was gone I was really bored so I wanted to watch the second movie. Well he didn’t have any scissors, so I pulled out a knife "

Hey Goob, just curious as to why you needed a knife or scissors to watch a moooovie!

JoshC

Chestnuts roasted by JoshC @ 05/01/2006 1:17 PM

I had the Stay-Puft Marshmellow Man figure. He was one of my favorites and often did brutal battle with other figures, and ALWAYS WON because he rocks that damn hard.

And you’re absolutely right about the RGB toyline being criminally overlooked by some. I had the proton pack complete with trap. That thing rocked.

Chestnuts roasted by Wukong @ 05/01/2006 1:18 PM

Wukong, was that proton pack something you could strap on your back, that came with a gun? I had the slime gun, with the back-strappable slime canisters, and a gun that shot out a pink, spring-loaded plastic tube (it stayed attached to the gun). It was one of the only "firearms" I ever had. While it wasn’t quite on par with Nerf Bow and Arrow, it still kicked ass because it was "SLIME!" (somewhat).

I thought the commercial was funny. Those kids seemed to be trying so hard to make such a banal toy look fun.

Chestnuts roasted by venison @ 05/01/2006 1:45 PM

The only GB related thing I ever partook, of was Ecto Cooler. I honestly haven’t seen the movie since the 80′s. Maybe I should rent it. I bet my son might even get into it.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 05/01/2006 1:54 PM

kingklash: The Goze’ him/herself hasn’t posted yet? I thought I was going to see the name near the top, but no dice. Not even to layeth the smackdown on the Marshie quote. MotherPusBucket!

I’m baaaaaaaack. Great article. I don’t know why I never realized that Gozer is mostly a female in the movie when I picked this screenname (I’m a guy), but, as Matt said, Gozer isn’t really a girl, but just happens to embody a girl. Since Gozer is awesomist in Stay-Puft form, I’ll vie for that association.

Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 05/01/2006 1:59 PM

KB, Your son will definetly love it, i cant imagine any kid who wouldnt, its just such an all-around great movie!
and thanks for reminding me that i ahd the ECTO-COPTER!
i gotta look for that motherfucker, still in box, sweeeeeeeeeet!

Chestnuts roasted by JoshC @ 05/01/2006 2:00 PM

This article made me giddy! The trivia bits at the end were a nice touch too.

Chestnuts roasted by Poe @ 05/01/2006 2:14 PM

Since this is pretty far down on the page, I know nobody’s gonna read it, but I just have to comment.

I remember Roy Rogers! It’s a fleeting memory, because I was very young at the time, but for some reason it’s one of those things that sticks out in my mind. I can recall sometimes having RR’s chicken nuggets, and then I remember just not having them anymore (this is likely because they shut down).

Anyway, that was totally pointless of me to post, but I just wanna say thanks for the blast from the past!

Chestnuts roasted by Nyssa @ 05/01/2006 2:33 PM

We never had a Roy’s here. Heck, we just got our first Popeye’s a year ago. Plus, that commercial song sucks.

I’m SHOCKED that Peeps has never made a Stay-Puft Marshmallow Peep. You’d know that sell.

How did they get SP into the air as a balloon? Even as a marshmallow man, he must weigh a ton.

I had a whole bunch of those toys as a kid and they ruled. The cartoon itself is a underrated classic (but I didn’t care for it when it became Slimer-centric. Got too cute). I’m still ticked that it didn’t make it onto the VH1 "I Love Toys" series. :(

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 05/01/2006 3:03 PM

I also remember playing the computer game on a friends computer and on my Nintendo. They were horrid.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 05/01/2006 3:04 PM

I don’t think I’ve ever even seen a Roy Roger’s. Do they have them on the West Coast?
As with Gremlins, I was always more familiar with the sequel than the original. I watched the hell out of RGB tho, while many of the other toons of the era (Thundercats, for one) completely passed me by. I picked up the "A Fright at the Opera" ep on VHS awhile back but haven’t gotten around to watching it. My interest is piqued now so I’ll have to pop it in.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 05/01/2006 3:16 PM

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This entry was posted on Sunday, April 30th, 2006 at 8:08 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.