Superman and I have a strange relationship. I’ve never gotten much out of him, and he’s certainly not gotten anything out of me, but once in a while, our wires cross and I’m really happy to see his gay ass red panties contrast against his gay ass blue pantyhose. So, while the Superman Returns buzz is buzzing right over my head, I can’t resist sacrificing a chicken to Jesus Christ in thanks for Superman’s new “Krazy Kryptonite,” just one of the many toys currently in stores to pre-capitalize on the new film. Outside of Doomsday crushing a bird in his hand and proceeding to belt of a string of “HAHAHAHAH” text that strung across fifty-six panels in The Death of Superman, kryptonite is my favorite thing about the lore. I don’t care if it kills Superman: I love kryptonite, and I think it’d be really sweet of someone to come paint all the rocks in my luxurious patio garden bright green while I sleep tonight.
“Krazy Kryptonite” is cheap (not as cheap as it should be considering how simple it is, but cheap enough for you not to care) and beautiful, consisting of a translucent kryptonite-shaped shell that doubles as a shaping mold for a batch of heavenly green toy slime. The consistency of this toy slime isn’t what we’re typically used to, being much less goopy and far more conducive to erecting tiny statues. You can stretch, bounce and smell it, and though the haters may claim that that’s all you can do with “Krazy Kryptonite,” I told out hope that there’s more uses to come.
Superman Peanut Butter – Superman Kryptonite Rocks – Supergirl Movie Review
Just got back from a family thing / kid’s birthday party. Had to stop at the travel agent first to pay off the Disney vacation balance (YEASH!), then a requisite visit to Toys ‘R’ Us to buy the birthday boy a gift card. “A gift card,” you say? “No effort,” you say? Yes. Because he’s four-years-old, has everything, and I’ve no interest in wrapping something his mother is just going to exchange for some Tommy Tank Dickhead DVDs tomorrow morning anyway. Fuck him. While there, I found these here these those:
Pirates of the Caribbean “Pirate Pearl” M&M’s, containing special limited edition exclusive white chocolate candies. The signage at the store featured huge smiling pictures of Johnny Depp, and between that and the hilariously screwy cereal based on the same movie with the same hilariously screwy smiling Depp imagery, I’ve gotta wonder if the JD peeps actually read his contract first. Face-on-a-cereal-box, face-on-an-M&M-display…these do not seem like typical exercises of the ever-fringe and-don’t-you-forget-it Johnny Depp. Next time he comes over for poker night, I’m going to josh him about being a sellout and tell him a funny joke about the MPAA rating of a new pirate movie.
This is your Saturday Night Thread, and like all of my favorite Saturday Night Threads, it’s taking place on a very stormy afternoon that will hopefully segue into an equally stormy evening. Not having a social life hurts less when it’s wet out, but that’s only the half of it: I just like rain, especially when I’m lounging just far enough from an open window to enjoy it without being a part of it. All I need now is some thunder and the Halloween jukebox. Shit, it’s almost summer.
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
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Kryptonite and Pearl M&Ms? That’s like stuffing mixed with potatoes! Woo-hoo!