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04/18/2006: LEGO Eggos, Mickey Heads, Fun Times.

Having grown tired of trying to dislodge the few remnants of toothpaste left out of a Spider-Man themed container of Crest every morning, I stopped by a pharmacy after work to get new teeth sludge. While there, I became instantly depressed at the sight of all of the unsold pre-made Easter baskets, now marked at half-price. I don’t know why it depressed me so much. Maybe it’s because I’ve always had this sick, twisted idea that pharmacies, toy stores and Wal-Marts hire poor old ladies to assemble these Easter baskets, which they assuredly would do with much love and care, and the thought that it was all for naught just makes me want to stand up, walk over and strangle you with twine. On the upside, it’s been a tremendous month for your local grocer’s freezer section, and below are three reasons why…

#1: With the phonetic similarities, it was only a matter of time before the “Leggo my Eggo” catch-phrase lost a letter and became almost-literal in this holy union of Eggo waffles and LEGO toys. I don’t mean that to sound like I’m screaming; I’ve had to work with style guides from LEGO before, and they insist that you spell it just like that: LEGO. All caps. Let’s just deal. The commercial for LEGO Eggo waffles is more amazing than the product itself, but that’s not to say that this isn’t the kind of marriage worth throwing rice over. As Kellogg’s has now fully embraced the fact that their Eggo brand is capable of being tweaked in a zillion fucked up ways, it was only a matter of time before they called their pals in Denmark and said, “let’s get retarded in heah.”

Though theoretically the most brilliant and awesome idea ever, I’m sad to say that it’s more of a gag in practice. The break-apart LEGO waffle pieces do not connect together in any real fashion, and in fact, they’re not even designed to look like they would ever do that, so there’s not even a lingering hope that you just suck and that other people are having no trouble making fighter planes and castle drawbridges out of waffle pieces. The most I could make out of mine was a little, boxed-in fort suitable for plastic green army men — and while that’s not impressive enough to curse at you, I should remind everyone that very few other brands of waffles even let you have that much. I’m more into these because it’s ridiculously cute to have my LEGOs and eat them too, but if either company wants my advice, I’d be happy to give it: Don’t tell people they can build things out of waffles when they can’t at all really do that. Aim low, deliver high.

#2: Every time I’ve mentioned popsicles or ice cream on the blog, the thread comments invariably turn to a discussion on Disney’s old “Mickey’s Parade” brand, which spanned from fruit-flavored character-shaped ice pops (my favorite) to ice cream bars in the shape of Mickey Mouse’s head. The latter is back, but not really. “Chocolate Ears Mickey” ice cream bars is not a name I’d be particularly proud of coining, but it says what it needs to, and the treats look remarkably similar to those heavenly desserts of yesteryear. Differences primarily include size (they’re smaller) and facial structure (they’re uglier), but these are tiny-sized gripes for such a big-time almost-resurgence. Hilariously, the box contains a big burst alluding to the fact that the bars are “better for kids,” but I question what they’re exactly better than, because one look at the nutritional label had me wondering why I didn’t just drink half a bottle of canola and be done with it. Actually, I know why: Because canola oil doesn’t have crunchy, chocolate ears.

Remember that thread from a few weeks back where I asked y’all to give me some Disney World vacation tips? Well, we booked it. Won’t tell you when I’m going because THAT’S A SURPRISE, but I’ll tell ya this: We went ahead and booked three nights at the Polynesian followed by three nights at the Grand Floridian, with Park Hopper passes for every day we’re there. When the reservation was set and paid in full, I realized that we probably could’ve bought Disney World for half as much money as we’re paying to stay there for a week.

During that process and ever since, I’ve been reading countless reviews of Disney World. It’s my new thang. Digging just deep enough, I’ve found that millions of people enjoy old school Mickey-shaped ice cream bars there, only Disney’s are covered completely in a chocolate shell, presumably to skirt any fast-acting melting in the Florida heat. I don’t know if this connects to the Chocolate Ears Mickey bars in anything more than a superficial way, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Well, just this: I wish they put together a bootleg version of the fruit-flavored character bars instead, because those rocked the house a hundred times harder than Mickey heads.

#3: Fear Factor Pop-Ups? Food based on Fear Factor?! Joe Rogan you crazy! Joe Rogan, you so CRAZY makin’ the ice cream! I’m of the mind that Fear Factor has a little-publicized but more-than-modest fanbase in grade school boys who think it’s fucking kickass to see people drink centipede blood on network television, and with that in mind, maybe a Fear Factor ice pop isn’t as stupid of an idea as I said it was at the top of my lungs when we spotted them last weekend.

They’re pretty hideous, though. Not in a theatrical way — I just mean they’re bad. Bad flavor, bad production. The watermelon pops (with blood-like gooey red filling) are okay, but the other ones just suck, and no matter how many lies they spread about the misshapen white gummi orb stuffed in each pop supposedly looking like a scary eyeball is going to change that. Really disappointing, but as I don’t think Nostradamus himself could’ve predicted the sight of the official Fear Factor show logo in a grocery store freezer section, I’m halfway tempted to whop my cack out and make it do that trick where it looks like it’s nodding with approval.

Random thoughts on shows/movies I’ve seen recently…

- Had to watch Nanny McPhee for a work-related project. Whatever, but it reminded me that I’m supposed to bone Kelly Macdonald before she gets old and fat.

- It’s been a weird, weird season on The Sopranos so far, with stories unfolding and being taken back and generally making you wonder what the fuck the POINT is, but damn, it’s still been one of the more purely entertaining seasons of the lot. Especially now that they’ve stopped with the stupid dream sequences. Seriously, does ANYBODY like those dream sequences?

- A friend and coworker’s wife writes for Big Love, so I’ve been watching it. I question the decision to pair it with Tony Soprano of all people, and I’m still kind of lost as to why the show was ever conceived, but since every glimpse of Bill Paxton reminds me to watch Predator 2 as often as possible, I’ll stick with it for now. Totally think they should’ve paid David Carradine a zillion bucks to play Roman, though.

- Read one of my thousand nature/science books last night, so I leave you with this fact: To get rest in a world where they can never literally sleep, dolphins do something truly kickass — they let half their brain sleep at a time. No, seriously. For eight hours, they’re totally awake. For the next eight, the left side of the brain is awake. For the final eight, the right side stands guard. How amazing is that? Why are dolphins so much cooler than me?

RANDOM ARTICLES FROM X-E HISTORY:
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Me! I can’t help myself, I LOVE the dream sequences and look forward to them. From Melfi popping out from under the sheet to the red vending machine of doom to everything in the Test Dream and the Costa Mesa purgatory, I love it all. I think they should be used judiciously and can see why they could be annoying, but they are one of my favorite aspects. I think it’s definitely been a very entertaining season, though I’m a little distressed at how many episodes have elapsed already.
Haven’t watched the newest Big Love yet…I’m a little shy about getting too attached because I worry it’s not long for the airwaves but I really enjoy it, especially Jeanne Tripplehorn and Ginnifer Goodwin (sp?). David Carradine would be wicked scary as Roman. Still reminds me of Carnivale in some ways.
Awesome cool update!

Nice. I am into knowing about new products, so much, I read junkfoodblog.com, and candyaddict.com. I really like knowing about that stuff, ya know, it just makes life a little better. I tried the fear factor pops and honestly I don’t think they are as bad as Matt described. They are like sour candies but with a popsicle. I haven’t had pop ups since 4th grade, I might just get a flintstones type of one next time, and some pudding pops…

I dunno, maybe mine were just too "melty." The flavor with the gummi eyeballs is legit bad, though. The other is okay, but thinking about how gross something is meant to be as I’m eating it rarely gets me in the mood to do testimonials.

You know why I get sad when I look at the discounted Easter merch? It symbolizes that there won’t be any seasonal candy for about 5 months. Summer stuff will take that aisle over until about late July or early August. Next comes Back to School crap, which hangs out until early to mid September. So what’s left of April, May, June, July, AND August give you absolutely no reason to go to Walgreens. Once Halloween stuff busts into town, though, you’re set for the rest of the year. All that aside, I’m pretty happy with the way the seasons closed out. Easter was a lot cooler than it used to be.

That reminds me - I need me some Cadbury eggs before they’re gone for another ten and a half months.

Those Mickey ice creams look good too. If it wasn’t for the fact I’ve only got a week of college left, I’d stash some in our freezer. Since it’s not my fridge, though, I can’t rely on it for much longer…

Matt, I don’t know if you already know this but there is a link to your page about spiderman reviewing crayons on the entertainment weekly website(ew.com) under the daily blog section…just so you know

It seems like some sort of weird "small world" sort of thing when my favorite sites for procrastination actually inter-connect…but I guess "thats the way this wheel keeps working now…"

I am really at a loss as to why they’d spend so much money and effort coming up with Fear Factor themed ice pops which really aren’t that disgusting. If I was responsible for that particular project, I’d just pay local kids ten bucks to go to the supermarket once a week and slap the fear factor logo on random items in the Mexican section of the butcher’s case. I’d get to pocket the rest of the project budget, the kids would get a valuable supplement to their allowance, and the sale of plastic tubs of pig entrails would skyrocket.

This sure makes up for working so much and writing about 4 articles in the past year!

I’ve come to accept that when the TV-MA warning for Big Love pops up and it states that there will be brief nudity, it definitely means Bill Paxton’s ass.
And to Julies, Bill Paxton was amazing in Weird Science, Near Dark, Club Dread, etc. etc. He’s the man plain and simple.
Dolphins are the second most intelligent creatures on this planet.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.

ohhh yeah, Matt, thanks for pointing out Kelly Macdonald. I can never remember her name, I just refer to her as the amazingly hot british chick in Trainspotting and Entropy

Matt, glad to hear you booked your trip. Just be sure to bring about $43,000 with you for food and souveniers. When I went, it cost me about a thousand less than that, but I just want to be sure you have enough

Those Mickey pops remind me of what comes off the ice cream truck. I’m gonna go read about Superman Peanut Butter now.

In response to JRH, no one would want to eat Cinco de Mayo candy. Mexican candy is Mexico’s attempt to kill Americans.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. I thought that the Caudillo State was Mexico’s attempt to kill Americans.

"Here’s something you might not know about me Joe Rogan. I smoke rocks."
-Tyrone

Can’t say I watch Sopranos or Big Love, but on an HBO-related note, anyone know the fate of Curb Your Enthusiasm? Haven’t came across anything that seemed to know whether it’s coming back or not.

The Fear Factor pops thing seems a little late - hasn’t the show been cancelled?

Rarely do I laugh outloud at work, becasue it is a place of dismal oppresion, but… "let’s get retarded in heah." That made me just about poo myself…

It took awhile but my memory is totally jogged on the character ice pops. I’m seeing purple Mickeys and orange Donalds in my mind, but that could be off.
I hardly knew Fear Factor was even on anymore. I used to enjoy it but I haven’t watched regularly in years. I do enjoy Joe Rogan’s roguish charm and the parade of "cocktail waitresses" (read: strippers) willing to debase themselves for ca$h money but the schtick eventually got old.
I don’t know where they’re heading with Sopranos anymore. I got accidentally spoiled to someone’s injury/death, but other than that I don’t have any idea how it’s all going to wrap up. I thought about it a lot about it and I decided on my fantasy ending: Since the shooting Tony is having his little existential crisis and Melfi senses her opportunity to turn his life around. She’s so enthused about the prospect that she stops worrying about getting her hands dirty because she thinks she’s doing the right thing, but in the end it becomes her downfall. I leave it to the writers what that means.

yeah, I saw an advert for those lego eggos on easter. I need them badly. They may cause me to be late for work; but who cares?

Legos and Eggos… an unholy alliance indeed. Now they just need to integrate the bionicle stuff and we can have logic oriented motorized waffles….

You think we might be a dream sequence? We might only be the sleepy thoughts of Chaka The Pakuni?

I think that if that were true, there would almost certainly be four line-dancing lime green giraffes in here. And I’ve only seen three all morning.

I’m positive I was the first person to ever notice Leggo my Eggo sounded like Lego my Eggo. Ask my mom if you don’t believe me! Also, I was just looking for a Random Articles from X-E History and now here we are.

Anyone seen that chalky candy that’s shaped like Lego shapes and you can supposedly lock together to make stuff?

Wow…what a totally random, wonderful post. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen people eat feces on Fear Factor, so the pops don’t do it for me (although if I were still a kid, I’d be in hog heaven).

And sorry to say, but Big Love sucks. It’s seriously one boring hour of television after another.

Fuck Fear Factor. FFF. That’s right. I don’t find that kind of nasty stuff as entertainment. I love all kinds of gore, disturbing scenes in movies and all that shit. But that’s why that shit is in movies. It shouldn’t be in real life, for fun. Yecch.

Erm, I like to buy the generic frozen waffles, because you get sooo many more, and they taste just the same to me. I like blueberry. Eggo’s with Lego’s should at least be buildable, and in not going that route, Eggo’s are tarnishing the LEGO name forever…rats. Never thoght that would happen…

Random dream sequence: Judge Rheinhold and Phobe Cates. Heh heh hehe…oh shit, why’d you come in the door? Awww, shit.

I had a Ben and Jerry’s "The Bar" the other day, remind sof my precious WWF Ice Cream Bars. Try it people!

Shaped like the cartoons themselves, I remember Donald being orange, Goofy being grape, and I don’t remember much else. Only the fact that these were long forgotten, filed away under the wrong folder name, in the wrong section, in a file cabinet in the very back of the "ready to discard" memory storage in the sub-basement of my memory.

Wonka already answered Julie’s question about Bill Paxton being good in anything, but I have to add my own. Two words… Pina Coladaburg (yes, I know Club Dread was mentioned). Pure genius. I stand in awe.

Glitter Godzilla - I’ve seen that stuff (I think it’s called Candy Blocks or something simple like that?) but never tried it. It looked impossibly hard on the teeth.

And I haven’t been up for very long (yes, I see that it’s 2:30pm, I take night classes dammit), so I’m still having to scroll up every so often to make sure I didn’t dream those Lego Eggos. That sounds like something I would have thought of as a little kid, got all excited and told an adult about, and had them laugh at me. I can’t imagine they could ever make them really buildable though. Waffles, by nature, are soft. Soft things tend not to "snap" together. But the box… it’s worth it for the box.

As for the Mickey ice cream: Holy. Crap. I needs me a box of those things. I don’t think I’ve had one since I was about six years old, but I sure had a lot of them then.

No exaggeration, I was at a convenience store/bait shop on my way to the lake one day and I saw a box of Mickey’s Parade Pops. This was just last summer, and they had expired sometime in 1990 or 1991. I found them under a pile of drumsticks, my daughter’s favorite. Looking at that expiration date, I decided that these people didn’t clean out their freezer often enough, and I dropped the drumstick back on top of the Parade pops. Now I wish I had bought them to see how they had faired over 15 years.

I’m going to Disney World next Monday for a week. I’m so excited that I’m somehow not at all excited. Like it’s too much for my body to handle. I don’t know. But I do know I’m on a mission to eat as much character related food as humanly possible. Maybe I’ll take pictures or something…. I duno, I’m too lazy to sort my thoughts right now. I just picture me (really fat) sitting in the middle of Disney World with chocolate and ice cream all over my face Augustus Gloop style. If that happens, I promise pictures.

You’ll have such a great time at Disneyworld, Matt. And I really want to hear more about this new Expedition Everest coaster in Animal Kingdom. I don’t like coasters that throw you around, but I heard this one is more like Big Thunder Mountain, with twists and turns.

I like Big Love ok. Whenever Ben and Margene interract you can see the fucked-up emotional train wreck coming. And that’s why I watch dramas, dammit. But my TV soul pines for Deadwood.

"Mr. Caracappa, you run a website with a small but loyal following, you work at Nickelodeon, and you make the best stuffed mushrooms in the state, what are you going to do now?"

M&M’s usually makes a 4th of July bag filled with red, white, and blue M&M’s. But otherwise, you’re correct on no holiday candy until Halloween (unless you’re a fan of boxed chocolates for Mother’s Day next month).

BTW, They also made Superman bread to go along with the Superman PB. I’ve seen it at antique stores.

I think most of our pre-made Easter baskets at work are pretty much gone. All that stuff went to 50% off Monday. But, those baskets… well, ours anyway, were total shit. We had one that was Nascar themed, with a Monster Garage hat in with it… Makes perfect sense.

Anyways, when I look at those baskets I wanna puke. It’s like everyone has lost all ability to think for themselves and be even the TINIEST bit creative and un-lazy. If that’s a word.

And some were just rediculously huge. I’m talkin 4-5 feet tall, no lie. All wrapped up in celophane and won’t stand up! Annoying.

I really need to get out of retail, it’s killing the love I had for holidays and makes me just want them to be over ASAP. :’(

I agree — I don’t particularly care for the idea that a parent willing to spend money on an Easter basket for their child isn’t willing to put forth the effort of actually "building" it. I always got homemade baskets as a kid — sometimes they sucked, but they were always homemade.

The preproduced baskets are better for people buying someone else’s kids an Easter basket.

I bought myself a Ninja Turtle Easter basket, because I’m cool like that. It kinda sucks, but now I have a Ninja Turtle soccer ball, frisbee, kite, and water bottle. And I have a feeling that you don’t.

Yeah, I guess they would be good for that, and they did have a couple decent ones in tin buckets - and I know tin buckets don’t replace Easter Baskets, but they were cute and reusable all year round, themed with popular characters.

I just keep thinking of this one day I was at work, and this grandmother comes in with her grandson and apparently they (Grandfather was wandering off) were taking him shopping for his Easter gift. 10 feet inside the door, there were the premade baskets, and she says "Would you like one of these?" And I felt bad for the kid. I dunno… the fact he was along for the ride was kinda sad, but to ask if he wanted one of those was even sadder. Maybe it’s just me. But, everytime I hear of the premade baskets, I think of that kid.

I may have to get a box of those Chocolate Ears Mickeys. (That was an awkward sentence!) Yes, the popsicles were way better.

We used to get the Disney fruit pops every now and then in the late 80s when they were on sale. What a blast from the past! I totally forgot about them until I read the comments…which is one of the things I love about this site. It jogs these great memories. Sitting outside on the back porch, slurping Disney pops and drinking Kool-Aid…no finer way to spend a lazy summer afternoon after the beach but before dinner.

I haven’t seen the "Fear Factor" pops (ick!), but the Audobon Acme does have the other two. Haven’t tried them - my freezer is full enough as it is, between Easter leftovers from my uncle’s and leftovers from the dinner a friend made me the other night. I might give them a look in the summer when they’re on sale.

We had a few of the ready-made baskets left when I was at work today. They don’t bother me as much; yeah, I would prefer people actually put together their own baskets, too, but some folks simply don’t have the time…and they DO make good gifts for other kids.

What I always loved were those candy legos that you can find in places like the Sweet Factory. They tasted like the poor man’s Smarties (American version), but you could put them together. Now that’s what I call having your legos and eating them too.

Ooh I loved those little candy skeletons you could put together, the ones that came in plastic coffins. You’d have to buy 2 or sometimes 3 coffins just to get enough of the "right" parts, but they fit together like perfect little candy jigsaw puzzles. And you could admire your skeleton for days while you snacked on the 40 leftover femur bones.

I’ll agree with the sentiment about Disney ice pops. Once again, Matt, you’ve resurrected childhood food memories and left me with broken dreams.

The only thing i have ever seen that is remotely close to the flavored pops was a set of freezer molds that let you make your own with Kool-aid type juice.

That’s what they want you to think, so they can keep the Cinqo de Mayo candy for themselves. Eating Cinqo de Mayo candy is like eating god or something.

If the box says LEGO then I outta be able to connect the knobs of the pieces in that box to the bottoms of another pieces.

But putting a little LEGO man in the box as a prize would’ve Anbesoled the disappointment.

You know, it’s funny you should compare eating Cinqo de Mayo candy with eating God. My favorite Mexican candy is basically a Eucharist wafer filled with goat caramel. I don’t remember what they’re called, because we always referred to them as "Goat Caramel Christ Treats." They are so tasty, though.

That is to say caramel made using goat’s milk instead of cow’s milk. Upon rereading my previous comment, the phrase "goat caramel" sounds potentially disturbing.

We were at a family reunion and my aunt brought a pinata that was filled with mexican candy. The little kids were having a blast hitting it and breaking it and collecting the candy. Then all of a sudden most of them just started bawling. Apparently, most of the candy had hot chili powder as an ingrediant and my aunt didn’t know.
Needless to say most of the candy got thrown out.

those were a fav of mine growin up i was already a sweettarts/smarties junkie anyway.. i haven’t seen the skeletons in a minute but if i did i’d b all over those joints like flava flav on crack

Those character pops were great, but we always had leftover Minnies and Goofys because they were both orange, and we all hated the orange pops- the red Mickey and grape Donald were best.

Matt-While you are at Disney, you have to partake of the Mickey-shaped ice cream bars- They are a fond childhood memory of mine- and the only thing my brother ate while there.

oh and judging by my name, i’m pretty sure u can guess that i will and already have begun celebrating 4/20 day

On the subject of Disney…Matt I hope your gonna check out Animal Kingdom while your there, best of all the parks imo. We did them all two years ago, and had more fun there then at any of them. So many strange things roaming around the park…..

Wow- LEGOS and EGGOS together at last! It’s about time- who didn’t see this as a genius idea as a kid? Almost as genius as Zack, the Lego Maniac.

I saved up my money for a year, took the Greyhound for 2 days with friends and hit Disneyworld for ONE DAY in ONE park…my one day at the Magic Kingdom. It was so worth it, and absolutely incredible. I am insanely jealous of your trip, Matt, and hope to live vicariously through pictures and reports.

It’s time for us to rebuild a Mickey Mouse ice cream bar, the one that should be a Chocolate Ears Mickey. And I don’t care what people are saying in Disneyland or wherever they are. Those ears will be chocolate at the end of the day.

Matt:: enjoy DW. Even if you do spend $42,000, it’ll be the funnest $42,000 you’ll ever spend. I really need to go back there for at least a weekend and forgot about my regular life.

And man, how I do miss those Disney Ice pops. Definately brings back memories thinking about them.

doc I don’t 4/20 myself, but many of many friends do, and rest assured, they started early.

I actually remember the Disney character pops more than the MM ice cream bar. I just found it so cool that they went through the trouble of shaping the pops like the characters. Nowadays, whenever they do licensed pops, the licensing usually begins and ends with putting the character on the box and just giving us regular pops. I’m not a popsicle guy to begin with anyway.

BTW, IFC has been doing "Indie Screams." every Thursday in April. Pirahna 2 is on tonite.

haha yea i remember that dr bong character from reading howard the duck comics as a kid.. must have been in my subconscious, i’m usin it as the name of a mad scientist character with an afro in a video skit

m
I’m kind of embarassed about how much indignance I feel about all the orange pops left in your freezer. But orange is the best flavor, we always had grape left over.

Dammit, I never get to celebrate 4/20….I was in a poker tournament tonight (I came in 9th out of 38 people, which I thought was ok) but then the boyfriend went to bed sick, and me and our other friend were too bummed to celebrate without him. So, it’s just some XE then bed for me. Oh well, there’s always 4/21!

mmm, Happy Holidays Everybody!! Yeah, I had a good one, except I overslept for work this morning, so wake & bake was a leetle abbreviated, but I made up for it after work!

Muppet Baby, what kind of poker? That trendy, Texas Hold ‘em crap, or "real" 5-7 card? I just don’t like how all of a sudden T.H.em got all popular, with it’s own TV shows, and groupies and shit. Why can’t 7 card be cool, after all, it’s a stud! Just my usual poker rant…hehe

". . . just one lousy drag."
Vincent Schiavelli must be a god of some universe somewhere if there is any merit to Neil Gaiman writings.

While I don’t really have an opinion on the whole issue with Texas Hold’em becoming suddenly popular, I have to say I like it better than stud. I drank my short term memory away in college, and to be a good stud player at a table with six or seven other people, you really do need to be able to remember folded "up" cards. Since I usually can’t remember all the folded cards, I usually end up trying to draw when I have very few outs. I remember going for a flush draw once, only to find out after the hand that at least five up hearts had been folded. I was four to a flush, but basically had no chance of catching it. That’s why I like Hold’em. You can be screwed, but you don’t know it and neither does anyone else. If your draw doesn’t come, you can at least bluff if you know what you’re doing.

so yeah, i’m a regular reader here. i respect all of your pop-culture knowledge immensely, or at least i did until now. Bill Paxton in Predator 2? FOR SHAME!!!! you have to be thinking of the greatest cinematic character since citizen kane–Pvt. Hudson! "Game over, man, game over!"

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