So we’re doing State Testing at School, for "No Child Left Behind", and I started cracking up today, and almost couldn’t stop. AMAZING!
The sad part is that this may cost my 5th grade class its "Kansas School of Excellency" honor, due to the fact that their teacher couldn’t hold it in.
Oh well. It was worth it. Great Job Matt! Never quit!
Chestnuts roasted by Dixon Deeper @ 04/10/2006 4:44 PM
The good Dr. notwithstanding, talking with the poster kids here at X-E is just as random, insightful, and dirty. Add speech synthesis, and there’s you some fun right there. Remember when Matt had an article "read’ by a speech program?
Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/10/2006 4:48 PM
Do you think when Matt had an article "read" by a speech program?
Chestnuts roasted by Yet Another Matt @ 04/10/2006 6:13 PM
I suggested once that Matt let Mrs. Dr. read one of our posts. Considering where we ultimately lead most posts, that is car-crash-you-can’t-look-away-from frightening.
Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/10/2006 6:23 PM
There’s a way to get Dr. Sbaitso to read any dang TXT file your heart desires. Just type in "Help". (You can also change the pitch, speed, colors, and other variables).
I hope you continue with your site well into your 80s Matt. It’s one of the funniest, nostalgic, and amazing sites out there. I think what you need is a vacation, which can do wonders for people minds.
Keep up the great work.
Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 04/10/2006 6:54 PM
Wow- I have never heard of this program (since I only got a PC in high school, and all we did on computers at elementary school was play King’s Quest and Hot Dog Stand)- but I can totally see the allure of it.
When I first got my computer (1998), I would literally stay up until 3 AM every school night using ICQ and horrible chat rooms- sometimes I felt closer to those internet people than the phonies at high school.
Your life couldn’t be more different now, Matt! Tons of allure, tons of toys, a cool-sounding job, and heaps of appreciative fans here at XE. Thanks.
Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 04/10/2006 6:55 PM
I pissed him off and he said shut up and go fly a kite.
Chestnuts roasted by Omgiamonfire @ 04/10/2006 7:11 PM
HELP!!!
I can’t get this thing to work at all! What are the steps to follow in order to get it going? I have WinMe if that helps. Please someone help me!
My "junior high years" were spent at a special services school. Not only was I alone, but I was incredibly different. I was a nice, smart girl who’d never had sex, never been in a fist or verbal fight, wasn’t physically disabled, prefered reading to going out at night, and lived nowhere near almost any other kid in the school. The closest to me (my family lived in West Cape May at the time) was in the Tranquility cul-de-sac over the bridge, just outside of North Cape May. My mom and stepdad were busy working and concieving my brother, and my sisters had pretty much declared their lives almost totally separate from mine.
Our first "computer" was this little keyboard thing that attatched to your TV set. This was gone by about 1990, and we wouldn’t have another computer until 1995. The wonderful world of Dr. Sbaisto is completely new to me…but it’s certainly an interesting concept, good for venting your frustrations if nothing else, as Matt demonstrated.
Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 04/10/2006 8:02 PM
Holy jeez…"Not if they can’t have SEX SEX SEX FUNK THE TRUNK." That was the hardest I’ve laughed in weeks.
Chestnuts roasted by billthebutcher @ 04/10/2006 9:09 PM
Antenna, extract all the files into a folder and run SBAITSO2.BAT
Dr. Sbaitso asked me about hatred and I said "Hatred is good" and he told me "Hatred is toxic chemical in your mind, it explodes on your face." Then I went away for hours to think…
Chestnuts roasted by Mattman @ 04/10/2006 10:58 PM
anybody seen the movie Bodyslam? It’s great!! I caught it the other night on late-night TV, and I knew from the opening I had to watch the whole thing! It’s got "Face" from the A-Team…"Rowdy" Roddy Piper, Capt. Lou, Billy Barty, and Midge from That 70′s Show!! It was terrible, but so great! Face drove the Magnum P.I. car til it got repo’d, and then he got a new car from John Astin!! Unbelievable!
And I got Nat’l Lampoon’s Last Resort for $5 at Hell-Mart, along with Summer Rental (woot!) and Mars Attacks! Yeah, I know!
Off to have a Pudding Pop!
Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 04/11/2006 12:18 PM
oh, has anyone heard of the Garbage Pail Kids Animated series? I just saw it in Hell-Mart, it’s a 2 disc, with 13 episodes? Says it was never aired, anybody got any more info?
and no, I’m not making fun of anyone!
Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 04/11/2006 12:22 PM
I’m such a child. I’m on XP so I was saddened that I couldn’y run the good Dr. but then I downloaded DOSbox and I’ve spent the last thirty minutes getting Dr. Sbaito to say horrible, terrible, nasty things.
Chestnuts roasted by Wukong @ 04/11/2006 12:23 PM
Man. I don’t know if I ever had Dr. Sbaitso himself, but I remember spending way too much time with a program of that sort. I did the same thing, treated it too much like a human being. I was young and not all that intelligent, I honestly believed I could get a good response.
Chestnuts roasted by Aristobulus @ 04/11/2006 2:37 AM
kidneyboy I’m pretty sure it aired in the UK, just not in the US. I have yet to watch my copy of the Garbage Pail Kids movie. Frankly it kind of scares me. Sitting there. All in it’s proper alphabetized spot between Fraggle Rock and Garfield. *shudder*
The Chipmunk Adventure is finally coming to DVD next month. YAY CHIPETTES!
I’ve never heard of Sbaitso, but I have spent a good amount of time talking to the Oliverbot at http://www.oliverbot.com. It’s essentially the same thing, but online. And possibly a bit dumber.
Mattman: So if hatred is in your brain, and it’s supposed to explode on your face, wouldn’t that involve toxic chemicals exploding out of your nose? If so, the Sbaitso Theorum might go a long way towards explaining what’s been happening to all my good shirts.
Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 04/11/2006 8:44 AM
Thanks anyway Jeff, but all I get is an error message everytime I try to type anything. I guess It just wasn’t meant to be. Man, I’m so depressed, and I’m too dumb to keep an apointment with Dr. Sbaitso. Or maybe I’m depressed BECAUSE I’m too dumb to keep an apointment with Dr. Sbaitso. Damnit! This is exactly the kind of question I needed to ask Dr. Sbaitso!!! I’m gonna go kill myself…Goodbye cruel MS-DOS!
We were late on the computer bandwagon (Christmas of 96), but when we finally got it, it had a speech reader. One of the first things I did was type all the lyrics to Arrested Development’s Mr. Wendell. Classic.
I still get sucked into the lonely "computer as friend" mode once in a while. I’ve caught myself talking to the Hoyle Board Games characters as if we’re actually people playing a game together. Once I do, I feel the need to go grocery shopping or anything else that will get me out of the house and around people.
Chestnuts roasted by Lori @ 04/11/2006 10:30 AM
dude that had to be one of the best articles ever!
Chestnuts roasted by doc bong @ 04/11/2006 11:34 AM
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Posted by Matt on 04/10/2006. E-mail me!
Chestnuts roasted by 
So we’re doing State Testing at School, for "No Child Left Behind", and I started cracking up today, and almost couldn’t stop. AMAZING!
The sad part is that this may cost my 5th grade class its "Kansas School of Excellency" honor, due to the fact that their teacher couldn’t hold it in.
Oh well. It was worth it. Great Job Matt! Never quit!