Ha. It’s officially Monday. I was right, you didn’t update this weekend. PBBBTTTTTTTTTTT!!
My first computer was a Wang. I used to to dial up BBSes and play LoRD. And other fun ascii games, like that one where you’re a drug-peddling whore and you have to fuck random guys and then get checked for diseases. That one was always fun.
I have to agree with the above poster, this is one of my favorite sites and hope you don’t get too bored with it ever. By the way, this was a fantastic article. Just so you know. It was both hilarious and deep, something essayists in Greenwich Village have been trying to pull off for 10 years to no avail. So well done.
I was immensely intrigued by that program growing up. We acquired that through our first Soundblaster sound card. At that point in my life I remember that the home computer was a brand new friend in the game of life. No matter what I try to do, I can’t get away from the things ever since I was 9. I spent many an afternoon as a pre-teen doing the exact same things and asking the same dumbass questions. I’m in the process of archiving a bunch of the old programs on floppies so that they won’t rot all to hell. I STILL can’t believe that I used to get by with a ton of 3.5" disks and a 200 MB hard drive. Unreal. Hell, and this was before the Internet went public! BBS’s ruled the day. The precursor to the Internet, I wasted many a day waiting for some shareware game via the 400kbps dial-up modem. I kind of miss those days actually. It was akin to videogames of youth, I actually got outside and saw some sun.
Chestnuts roasted by Tim @ 04/10/2006 1:25 AM
Hahaha! I loved the voice on "you were telling me about sexy stuffs?" He sounded really pumped about it. Awesome article. I had friends in elementary through high school, but none now that I’m in college. So I feel ya, dude.
Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 04/10/2006 1:25 AM
Having never played with Dr Sbaitso before, this absolutely rocks. he was a bit before my times, I suppose. Damn, I wish I would have had this growing up.
Asking him about porn is the most fun.
Chestnuts roasted by Paul Ortego @ 04/10/2006 1:30 AM
This is like…the progenitor species for all the modern day bots like SmarterChild.
Chestnuts roasted by Ragnarok @ 04/10/2006 1:38 AM
I also thought of SmarterChild when I read this one. There are a million Sbaitsos now within an AIM contact away. You can even talk to "God."
Chin up, Matty, ya got friends NOW. In fact, you have a girlfriend, contacts at Nickelodeon and a cat. It’s all well more than I got.
Never consulted the good doctor myself. I did have a rough go of it in middle school though…I had a couple of friends I hung with but it was that afterschool special situation where they just needed someone around to pick on. It seems so obvious but when you’re that age and you just want so desperately to fit in that you ignore the fact that people are being jerks to you. I don’t harbor any grudges but I still marvel at how horrible girls can be to each other…of course that phenomenon isn’t limited to preteeners.
(amazing Sopranos tonight!)
Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/10/2006 2:01 AM
At that point in time, I was a Macintosh user. My family had a shitty old Macintosh LC. However, there were similar shareware programs for the Mac. There was one in which the psychiatrist was female. I mostly just hit on her and told her about all of the obscene things that I was currently doing to her. She usually just responded with "Are you sure are?" or "I don’t think you really are."
I eventually changed the graphic they had for her at the top of the screen. Basically, I just put a penis in her mouth. I did similar things with a lot of games. Like all other teenage boys, I was a pervert. I still wasn’t cool.
Saved By the Bell on Adult Swim April 17th?! HUH?!! Just saw a commercial…
Chestnuts roasted by Tim @ 04/10/2006 3:42 AM
Man this program is crazy. I actually got a "…." response from the good doctor. That’s about how I felt too…
Chestnuts roasted by Dre @ 04/10/2006 3:58 AM
Squee, I hear you. I went through that crap in elementary and middle school. Girls can be pretty evil to each other. I think that’s why I enjoy the company of men over women.
The good doc seems like an interesting program. I’ll have to play with it when I’m not at work. And Matt, as long as you want to continue, people will love your site. We’ll miss it when you do get bored and decide to shut down.
Chestnuts roasted by Kieran Alexis @ 04/10/2006 4:20 AM
A new dreaming album, new Robot Chicken (SWEDISH CHEF) and Dr. Sbaitso? This is indeed a good day.
Chestnuts roasted by Steve T @ 04/10/2006 4:42 AM
Well, if anyone is interested, click my name to try the state-of-the-art descendant of the good doctor. She’s a fair bit smarter, and she actually LEARNS from what you tell her.
Man, if only I had this when I was that age. Even now, I came back to school at 1 am last night and played with this thing for two hours.
Brilliant article as always. I hope you haven’t stopped caring about the site (although I suppose that’s a bit selfish). I know for a fact, though (and the number of people who dote upon every word you blog and write is proof) that we haven’t stopped caring.
Amazing article. We had a coomputer when I was in Jr high. The only thing I ever did on it was lemonade stand and space invaders.
I remember playing lemonade stand for hours, wondering if anything would ever happen. I mean, the game never ends and you never win.
Sweet, I have something to download when I get home. Thank you.
Chestnuts roasted by Geoffinsanity @ 04/10/2006 8:27 AM
I remember Dr. Sbaitso well! I upgraded my computer with a SB soundcard AND a CD-ROM. I was living the dream early on back in the day. As a result I enjoyed countless minutes with that a-hole psychologist! I think this is one of the first computer related reviews I’ve seen on X-Entertainment. Nice surprise!
Round this time I was learning Pascal (and a bit of C) and playing an OLD CGI encarnation of Mega Man. Also aquired a copy of this song that would play off a floppy disk:
"There’s a mushroom in my bathroom,
there’s a mushroom in my bedroom,
These’s a mushroom in my bathroom, (apparently they don’t go anywhere else)
and a lovely fragrance in the air."
It was like an old-school mp3. Totally impressive back in the day. Anyone else ever come across that one?
Sorry bit of a wonky post, but all these memories I could go on…
Chestnuts roasted by rockasoo @ 04/10/2006 8:30 AM
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Posted by Matt on 04/10/2006. E-mail me!
Chestnuts roasted by 
Ha. It’s officially Monday. I was right, you didn’t update this weekend. PBBBTTTTTTTTTTT!!
My first computer was a Wang. I used to to dial up BBSes and play LoRD. And other fun ascii games, like that one where you’re a drug-peddling whore and you have to fuck random guys and then get checked for diseases. That one was always fun.