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Cell phone pics & King Kong Twinkies.

In an unexpected twist and a sign of Hell freezing over, I've posted two new articles at the same time. Ooh ooh ah ah. First up, big globs of text and grainy images as I empty out the pictures from my cell phone camera and try to remember the whats and whys of their existence. Blah. Secondly, and much shorter, is my tribute to King Kong Banana Twinkies, from Hostess and apes.

Monday Edit: Did some light editing work on the cell phone pics article, and added a bonus section to the Kong Twinkies article. Because I could.

Posted by Matt on 04/02/2006. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 92 comments

That cell phone article was soooo good. Pure, 100% XE from concentrate. The greek crane thing made me feel really funny, though

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 04/03/2006 1:51 PM

I’ve probably only once or twice in my entire life eaten even one twinkie, but suddenly I desperately want a twinkie. A Kong Banana twinkie, despite hating banana flavor things.

Chestnuts roasted by Aristobulus @ 04/03/2006 1:52 PM

Agreed

Chestnuts roasted by Rhino @ 04/03/2006 2:09 PM

Check out this official site for the Superman Returns toys. It features the most ridiculous flash animations of how the toys work.

Is it just me or is the ”Ultimate Powers Superman" a little on the no-ultimate side?

http://www.supermanreturnstoys.com/

Chestnuts roasted by Tommy @ 04/03/2006 2:18 PM

Matt – What the heck is "ee, en eh en eh ay es"? e,nanais?

Chestnuts roasted by Zigmund @ 04/03/2006 2:52 PM

Matt- congrats with the Red Guard. I’m sure you two will be very happy together, as long as your red guard isn’t like my red guards… those whores.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 04/03/2006 3:15 PM

I caught the first part of the WWE Hall of Fame on the internet, and totally marked out when I heard Dibase’s laugh again. Man, he ruled.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff Mack @ 04/03/2006 3:19 PM

Wow Matt! I just got done reading this!! Really good stuff!

My friend Jared Sprecher always had all the cool Star Wars toys growing up, including the Imperial Guard (the red ones… he had several, I think I remember), and Boba Fett. Jared’s now a professor at Princeton, and I’m now a teacher in Topeka, but I will always feel like we had a special bond that began the day that I broke Luke Skywalker’s light-saber arm off (the one that actually was meant to be attached) and Jared told me that it was okay because it was now just like the movie.

I’m rambling.

Good article Matt, despite the fact that it was so long. Oh, that was the 1st time I’ve seen any pictures of you. Do you put them up often?

Chestnuts roasted by Dixon Deeper @ 04/03/2006 3:59 PM

It’s semi-rare. Matt is a paragon of inscrutibility. Inscrutibility and Twinkies.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedec @ 04/03/2006 4:09 PM

Those Superman toys were… strange, I think. Although I thought it was kinda funny that the flying toy touted "Manual Take-Off" like it was some kind of incredible feature. Maybe they figure that some people get off on toys that need to be thrown to get started.

Perhaps some enterprising youth will decide to have his/her own King Kong cross promotion and launch him with the Kong gloves.

Chestnuts roasted by Rhino @ 04/03/2006 4:14 PM

Zigmund–he’s spelling "Bananas", like the Gwen Stefani song. (Don’t worry; I literally had to say it out loud several times before I was clued in. But once I got it–sheer brilliance!)

Chestnuts roasted by purplegirl247 @ 04/03/2006 4:51 PM

Inflato-suit?
Inflato-suit?
Inflato-flippin’-suit?
INFLATO-FLAPJACKIN’-SHEEPENHERDIN’-SUIT??

Probably inspired by either the movie Sleeper, or Inspector Gadget’s Gadget Blimp. Bet it keeps you cool on a hot day, though.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/03/2006 5:09 PM

Kingklash, I didn’t think of that. I’m going to buy an inflato-suit and convert it into an Inspector Gadget coat.

Crap, I was going to say that Max had an Inflato-suit in the first episode of Get Smart, but I looked it up and it turns out it was an Inflato-Coat.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 04/03/2006 5:17 PM

Wow- I’ve only read the blog posts ABOUT the 2 articles, and I am already super happy. Now- on to the articles!

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 04/03/2006 7:18 PM

You should post some pictures of the Gray Cat that aren’t taken with a crappy camera phone.

Yeah Matt, give the readers what they want! Photos of your cats and your sideburns! W00t! We love it when you get all goofy and effeminate!

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 04/03/2006 7:36 PM

I had a project to finish by this afternoon…not easy with TWO COUNT ‘EM TWO new articles staring me in the face but I managed it.
Some of my favorite articles are the ones that illustrate how much the site is a labor of love, like the camera phone one. My phone archive is mostly puppy pics and snapshots of particulary amusing bumper stickers. My fav is the one of the monsterous SUV with the itty bitty magnetic ribbon decal…stuck to the gas tank door. Support the troops! I also have a nice one of the pup looking very haughty, with the TV in the background reading "Drama Queen". Total coincidence.
Lord, five cats. Is Kitten actually the youngest or just the most youthful?
I went out looking for Kong Twinks after hearing about them in the prior thread. Luckily I didn’t find any, considering I’ve never actually enjoyed Twinkies but would have bought them anyway. I take back anything bad I said about the Kong Kandy dispenser I got; I figured out how to shoot Smarties from it at deadly speeds and realize it’s actually the greatest monkey-headed candy flinging device ever.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/03/2006 7:45 PM

"All I really wanted was to sit in the damn Beverly Hilton all day long, blogging about whatever was in the vending machines."

This is why we love you.

Chestnuts roasted by ZB @ 04/03/2006 9:25 PM

I like how that flying Superman doll said "Turn left!" …who is he talking to? Does he have to verbally trigger himself to make turns?

And shouldn’t it be more like "bananas, bee ay en ay en ay ess"?

And if it’s you modelling the Kong gloves Matt, I admire and envy your smooth hairless arms.

Chestnuts roasted by Welsh Rabbit @ 04/03/2006 11:22 PM

I went to my local video-store today (my heart all aflutter with the anticipation of once again seeing Andy Serkis being slowly devoured by a giant penis-worm) with the express purpose in mind of renting "King Kong". Sadly, all the store’s copies (all 800 of them) were already rented out. I came home with "Capote" instead, and I plan to watch it tomorrow evening. I’m sure it’s a splendid film, but I have my doubts that any character in it gets squashed by a 30-foot-tall gorilla. I might have to wait for the director’s cut…

Chestnuts roasted by The Yeti @ 04/03/2006 11:24 PM

Happy last-3-minutes-of-birthday to me!

Two by now.

Chestnuts roasted by Mara @ 04/04/2006 12:58 PM

Your site rules, dude. I just ripped off your "Saddest Game Room in the World" post. Classic.

Chestnuts roasted by J.R. @ 04/04/2006 2:09 AM

Wow, this is the biggest update we’ve ever gotten since….I have no idea. It’s been years since I’ve seen something as long as that cell-phone article and it wasn’t the only thing there!

How can anyone go to E3 and not enjoy themselves? Here’s a tip for next time: ask UGO to send me instead. No, really….

This update also contained one of the funniest Matt lines I’ve ever read:

Time is not on my side. Time hates me, time wants to chop my dick off and feed it to Minutes The Dog.

I canNOT stop laughing at that. I can’t….help me!

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 04/04/2006 3:10 AM

Road Block: Makes me sort of wonder – if Kong actually did eat bananas – would he eat simply a very large bunch of bananas, or does Skull Island have a stash of simply really very huge bananas?

The first one. They’re like Tic-tacs.

Chestnuts roasted by Mike Fireball @ 04/04/2006 5:00 AM

I dunno. I just don’t like the idea of an island with giant spiders without giant bunches of bananas for them to hide in. It seems wrong.

Oh, and since the last thread concerning legos and this thread concerning low-resolution photos, I decided to allow a world exclusive link to one of the more charming features of my homepage. Click, and ye shall receive.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 04/04/2006 8:24 AM

I let my Hulk hands float around a cluttered backseat for awhile, which was cool because every time I braked or took a sharp turn they’d roll around and serenade me with various grunts and glass crashes. I didn’t get the Kong hands because they’re kind of ugly and I didn’t know what I’d do with two sets of giant novelty hands.
I think the reason I like Kong himself is that he’s the underdog (underape?). It’s like you said, he can’t even do something as simple as a bit of ice skating without the man coming in and fucking it all up. As a constant fighter of the man, I can empathize with that.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/04/2006 10:32 AM

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