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04/02/2006: Cell phone pics & King Kong Twinkies.

In an unexpected twist and a sign of Hell freezing over, I’ve posted two new articles at the same time. Ooh ooh ah ah. First up, big globs of text and grainy images as I empty out the pictures from my cell phone camera and try to remember the whats and whys of their existence. Blah. Secondly, and much shorter, is my tribute to King Kong Banana Twinkies, from Hostess and apes.

Monday Edit: Did some light editing work on the cell phone pics article, and added a bonus section to the Kong Twinkies article. Because I could.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 92 comments

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Wow, two updates in one shot. Totally worth actually coming out of my room to use the "family" computer. My X-E Update senses must have activated.

Ghosted by Mystie @ 04/02/2006 10:13 PM EDT

Makes me sort of wonder – if Kong actually did eat bananas – would he eat simply a very large bunch of bananas, or does Skull Island have a stash of simply really very huge bananas?

Ghosted by Road Block @ 04/02/2006 10:30 PM EDT

Truly this is a red letter day. Two for the price of one. What a value.

Ghosted by Rhino @ 04/02/2006 10:47 PM EDT

Man, all I kept doing when I read the cell phone pic article was "Hey, I remember the parrot fish!" or "I remember when Matt did all those articles on the Shrek stuff!" I also realized I must get into Philadelphia on a busy weekday morning. Like Matt, I am a homebody. Unlike Matt, I’ve never lived close to a major city. This is the first time I’ve been within shouting distance of a lot of people who aren’t just down for the summer, and I may take advantage of it. Actually, what I’d love to do is find a JOB in Philly, but let’s take in the city itself first.

Oh, and Matt, you have a pair of very cute kitties. I’m glad you took in Gray Cat, and Saturn’s a little doll. Not every cat gets to crawl around in discontinued Happy Meal containers.

Ghosted by starwenn @ 04/02/2006 10:51 PM EDT

Well, that’s just Kong-tastic.

Ghosted by Jedoc @ 04/02/2006 10:56 PM EDT

I got my friend (the one that first sent me a link to this place) Sea Monkies on the Moon… Now I can’t wait for that article.

Ghosted by Ryane @ 04/02/2006 11:02 PM EDT

In my zeal to be the 7th person to post, I have yet to read the article.

#7! Highest yet!

Ghosted by Dixon Deeper @ 04/02/2006 11:26 PM EDT

Ah Crabtuff… When will you learn…

Ghosted by Mattman @ 04/02/2006 11:47 PM EDT

Your fish kick ass.

Ghosted by Jessica Marie @ 04/02/2006 11:54 PM EDT

TWO articles to read at work tomorrow!? Thanks Matt! As the ancient aboriginies were known to say during their tribal dances, "You da man!"

Ghosted by TC Falcon @ 04/03/2006 12:01 PM EDT

Tonight on Wrestlemania they re-created the skit where the Million Dollar Man offered money to a kid to bounce a basketball 12 times, only to kick it away the last time. But this time it was Eugene he did it to. Thought it was funny that I just read about that in the thead where Matt bought the Million Dollar Belt.

Two articles? Thank you Matt. Thank you.

Ghosted by Y2JB78 @ 04/03/2006 12:14 PM EDT

This is completely random, but I’ve always thought you had cool sideburns, Matt. I can’t grow any, so I’m envious. ha

Ghosted by Akajohnnyx @ 04/03/2006 12:35 PM EDT

Wow, Holy Updates, Mattman!

I, too, was reminiscing during the cell phone article! It was great when those fish showed up! And the Shrek stuff, man I’m glad we’re all done with that shit!

I really wish I had a Twinkie right now, but I don’t. I do have 2 Reese’s Big Cups, so those should do the trick!

Ghosted by kidneyboy @ 04/03/2006 12:37 PM EDT

Revenge of the Sith crazy hey? You wouldn’t have any Clone Troopers you might be willing to sell would ja? (Yeah, I’m that clone crazed to ask Matt of XE for them…)

Ghosted by Black Zarak @ 04/03/2006 1:04 AM EDT

Wow, two articles!

Loved the cell phone pics. It was a nice walk through X-E memory lane…

Ghosted by Cameron T. @ 04/03/2006 1:07 AM EDT

Matt,

What’s interesting is that Twinkies were originally banana-flavored anyway. They cut out the bananas in WWII since there were in short supply due to the war effort, which is how we got the Twinkie we know today. So really, these Kong Twinkies are just a return to the way Twinkies originally.

The more you know…

Ghosted by yowza @ 04/03/2006 1:31 AM EDT

Kong Twinkies, Oh yes they can kick Charlie and the Chocolate factory Wonka cakes’ ASS! http://www.hostesscakes.com/wonka.html

Enjoyed the Cell Phone photos.

Ghosted by Xenophobe @ 04/03/2006 1:42 AM EDT

Since I’m the first one to mention it, I’ll assume that I’m the first to find it. Freddy music rocks.

Also, Matt, the part about your cats made me happy on the inside. You should post some pictures of the Gray Cat that aren’t taken with a crappy camera phone.

Ghosted by Jeff @ 04/03/2006 1:58 AM EDT

Always happy to see fresh pickins’ here on X-E. By the way…has anybody else seen the trailer for the upcoming "Silent Hill" movie? Holy jeez…creepy.

Ghosted by The Yeti @ 04/03/2006 8:26 AM EDT

Loved the cell phone pics. Camera/phones may be the greatest invention. This weekend I was at the Mall of America and there was an Elvis competition, and if it weren’t for my cell, I would not have a picture of an 8 year old elvis in a gold jumpsuit.

Ghosted by kb @ 04/03/2006 8:33 AM EDT

Dude, articles like that cellphone camera pics one are the reason I love XE as much as I do. Well, one of the reasons. I also love Cookie Puss.

Ghosted by TE-Ryan @ 04/03/2006 9:36 AM EDT

I’ve noticed a couple people mention their appreciation of Grey Cat. I also enjoyed hearing about Grey Cat’s spoiled yet beat-down filled existence. It’s almost like he is the ying-yang in animal form.

Ghosted by TC Falcon @ 04/03/2006 10:52 AM EDT

Do I smell a Grey Cat/Ghost with the Most crossover?

No?

Fair enough.

Thanks for the articles. Despite the fact that it was your "April Fools joke," I really dug that cell phone pics article. And…ape twinkies. ‘Nuff said.

Ghosted by mtrox @ 04/03/2006 12:14 PM EDT

Must…. not…. make…. King Kong…. Twink…. joke. Will…. strong…. urge…. stronger. Mybrainsabouttoexplode.
*Ka-sploosssshh!*

Just great, there go my Pac-Man skills.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 04/03/2006 12:27 PM EDT

I think I may have nightmares after hearing Freddy sing "Wooly Bully." It’s entirely possible that he committed brutal atrocities against Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs.

Ghosted by Rhino @ 04/03/2006 12:27 PM EDT

That cell phone article was soooo good. Pure, 100% XE from concentrate. The greek crane thing made me feel really funny, though

Ghosted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 04/03/2006 1:51 PM EDT

I’ve probably only once or twice in my entire life eaten even one twinkie, but suddenly I desperately want a twinkie. A Kong Banana twinkie, despite hating banana flavor things.

Ghosted by Aristobulus @ 04/03/2006 1:52 PM EDT

Agreed

Ghosted by Rhino @ 04/03/2006 2:09 PM EDT

Check out this official site for the Superman Returns toys. It features the most ridiculous flash animations of how the toys work.

Is it just me or is the ”Ultimate Powers Superman" a little on the no-ultimate side?

http://www.supermanreturnstoys.com/

Ghosted by Tommy @ 04/03/2006 2:18 PM EDT

Matt – What the heck is "ee, en eh en eh ay es"? e,nanais?

Ghosted by Zigmund @ 04/03/2006 2:52 PM EDT

Matt- congrats with the Red Guard. I’m sure you two will be very happy together, as long as your red guard isn’t like my red guards… those whores.

Ghosted by Darth Poop @ 04/03/2006 3:15 PM EDT

I caught the first part of the WWE Hall of Fame on the internet, and totally marked out when I heard Dibase’s laugh again. Man, he ruled.

Ghosted by Jeff Mack @ 04/03/2006 3:19 PM EDT

Wow Matt! I just got done reading this!! Really good stuff!

My friend Jared Sprecher always had all the cool Star Wars toys growing up, including the Imperial Guard (the red ones… he had several, I think I remember), and Boba Fett. Jared’s now a professor at Princeton, and I’m now a teacher in Topeka, but I will always feel like we had a special bond that began the day that I broke Luke Skywalker’s light-saber arm off (the one that actually was meant to be attached) and Jared told me that it was okay because it was now just like the movie.

I’m rambling.

Good article Matt, despite the fact that it was so long. Oh, that was the 1st time I’ve seen any pictures of you. Do you put them up often?

Ghosted by Dixon Deeper @ 04/03/2006 3:59 PM EDT

It’s semi-rare. Matt is a paragon of inscrutibility. Inscrutibility and Twinkies.

Ghosted by Jedec @ 04/03/2006 4:09 PM EDT

Those Superman toys were… strange, I think. Although I thought it was kinda funny that the flying toy touted "Manual Take-Off" like it was some kind of incredible feature. Maybe they figure that some people get off on toys that need to be thrown to get started.

Perhaps some enterprising youth will decide to have his/her own King Kong cross promotion and launch him with the Kong gloves.

Ghosted by Rhino @ 04/03/2006 4:14 PM EDT

Zigmund–he’s spelling "Bananas", like the Gwen Stefani song. (Don’t worry; I literally had to say it out loud several times before I was clued in. But once I got it–sheer brilliance!)

Ghosted by purplegirl247 @ 04/03/2006 4:51 PM EDT

Inflato-suit?
Inflato-suit?
Inflato-flippin’-suit?
INFLATO-FLAPJACKIN’-SHEEPENHERDIN’-SUIT??

Probably inspired by either the movie Sleeper, or Inspector Gadget’s Gadget Blimp. Bet it keeps you cool on a hot day, though.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 04/03/2006 5:09 PM EDT

Kingklash, I didn’t think of that. I’m going to buy an inflato-suit and convert it into an Inspector Gadget coat.

Crap, I was going to say that Max had an Inflato-suit in the first episode of Get Smart, but I looked it up and it turns out it was an Inflato-Coat.

Ghosted by Jeff @ 04/03/2006 5:17 PM EDT

Wow- I’ve only read the blog posts ABOUT the 2 articles, and I am already super happy. Now- on to the articles!

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 04/03/2006 7:18 PM EDT

You should post some pictures of the Gray Cat that aren’t taken with a crappy camera phone.

Yeah Matt, give the readers what they want! Photos of your cats and your sideburns! W00t! We love it when you get all goofy and effeminate!

Ghosted by Mystie @ 04/03/2006 7:36 PM EDT

I had a project to finish by this afternoon…not easy with TWO COUNT ‘EM TWO new articles staring me in the face but I managed it.
Some of my favorite articles are the ones that illustrate how much the site is a labor of love, like the camera phone one. My phone archive is mostly puppy pics and snapshots of particulary amusing bumper stickers. My fav is the one of the monsterous SUV with the itty bitty magnetic ribbon decal…stuck to the gas tank door. Support the troops! I also have a nice one of the pup looking very haughty, with the TV in the background reading "Drama Queen". Total coincidence.
Lord, five cats. Is Kitten actually the youngest or just the most youthful?
I went out looking for Kong Twinks after hearing about them in the prior thread. Luckily I didn’t find any, considering I’ve never actually enjoyed Twinkies but would have bought them anyway. I take back anything bad I said about the Kong Kandy dispenser I got; I figured out how to shoot Smarties from it at deadly speeds and realize it’s actually the greatest monkey-headed candy flinging device ever.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 04/03/2006 7:45 PM EDT

"All I really wanted was to sit in the damn Beverly Hilton all day long, blogging about whatever was in the vending machines."

This is why we love you.

Ghosted by ZB @ 04/03/2006 9:25 PM EDT

I like how that flying Superman doll said "Turn left!" …who is he talking to? Does he have to verbally trigger himself to make turns?

And shouldn’t it be more like "bananas, bee ay en ay en ay ess"?

And if it’s you modelling the Kong gloves Matt, I admire and envy your smooth hairless arms.

Ghosted by Welsh Rabbit @ 04/03/2006 11:22 PM EDT

I went to my local video-store today (my heart all aflutter with the anticipation of once again seeing Andy Serkis being slowly devoured by a giant penis-worm) with the express purpose in mind of renting "King Kong". Sadly, all the store’s copies (all 800 of them) were already rented out. I came home with "Capote" instead, and I plan to watch it tomorrow evening. I’m sure it’s a splendid film, but I have my doubts that any character in it gets squashed by a 30-foot-tall gorilla. I might have to wait for the director’s cut…

Ghosted by The Yeti @ 04/03/2006 11:24 PM EDT

Happy last-3-minutes-of-birthday to me!

Two by now.

Ghosted by Mara @ 04/04/2006 12:58 PM EDT

Your site rules, dude. I just ripped off your "Saddest Game Room in the World" post. Classic.

Ghosted by J.R. @ 04/04/2006 2:09 AM EDT

Wow, this is the biggest update we’ve ever gotten since….I have no idea. It’s been years since I’ve seen something as long as that cell-phone article and it wasn’t the only thing there!

How can anyone go to E3 and not enjoy themselves? Here’s a tip for next time: ask UGO to send me instead. No, really….

This update also contained one of the funniest Matt lines I’ve ever read:

Time is not on my side. Time hates me, time wants to chop my dick off and feed it to Minutes The Dog.

I canNOT stop laughing at that. I can’t….help me!

Ghosted by Mars @ 04/04/2006 3:10 AM EDT

Road Block: Makes me sort of wonder – if Kong actually did eat bananas – would he eat simply a very large bunch of bananas, or does Skull Island have a stash of simply really very huge bananas?

The first one. They’re like Tic-tacs.

Ghosted by Mike Fireball @ 04/04/2006 5:00 AM EDT

I dunno. I just don’t like the idea of an island with giant spiders without giant bunches of bananas for them to hide in. It seems wrong.

Oh, and since the last thread concerning legos and this thread concerning low-resolution photos, I decided to allow a world exclusive link to one of the more charming features of my homepage. Click, and ye shall receive.

Ghosted by Jedoc @ 04/04/2006 8:24 AM EDT

I let my Hulk hands float around a cluttered backseat for awhile, which was cool because every time I braked or took a sharp turn they’d roll around and serenade me with various grunts and glass crashes. I didn’t get the Kong hands because they’re kind of ugly and I didn’t know what I’d do with two sets of giant novelty hands.
I think the reason I like Kong himself is that he’s the underdog (underape?). It’s like you said, he can’t even do something as simple as a bit of ice skating without the man coming in and fucking it all up. As a constant fighter of the man, I can empathize with that.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 04/04/2006 10:32 AM EDT

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