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03/19/2006: New Article: More ’80s Commercials!

With just minutes to spare to ensure that I don’t miss tonight’s new Sopranos and thus rob myself of the opportunity to bicker about what a letdown it was around the water cooler tomorrow morning, I finish this weekend’s new article: More `80s Commercials! Pretty awesome batch, I must say. See reggae fruit dance with Snap and Crackle as they usher in Fruity Marshmallow Krispies! See kids turn into Optimus Prime by way of underwear! See the McD.L.T.’s cool side stay cool! Win a Sony Watchman! All this and more! More! A dozen total, each reviewed, with video downloads.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 149 comments

"You geet an Eff!" –German woman

Whenever the subject of "annoying commercials" comes up, it’s inevitable that the latest overdone effort from Partnership from a Drug-Free America is mentioned. Or the Truth psychos. I don’t smoke or generally approve of it, but dang…if the target wasn’t tobacco they wouldn’t be allowed to mudsling this far.

Don’t make bad choices, kids, or a giant elephant will apparently step on you!

Ghosted by Mars @ 03/22/2006 4:03 AM EST


Any "Become a Mediacal Assistasnt" commercial

You refer to the college ads of daytime television.

"Now that I’m an assistant to an assistant’s assistant, I finally feel significant!" –cheery female idiot

Ghosted by Mars again @ 03/22/2006 4:05 AM EST


WOW, I have no idea a "Secret of the Sword" trailer existed. I don’t think it appears in any of the BCI DVD sets. Great coup!

And the McDLT… man, my mouth is watering just looking at the screen cap on your site!

I finally found a local source for those Shamrock Shakes. The day before St. Pats, I went into a local McD’s, my heart full of hopelessness, and asked the absolutely mammoth woman behind the counter, "You don’t have Shamrock Shakes anymore do you"? With an annoyed expression, looking me like I asked if McDonald’s served hamburgers, she said "Uhh, yes…" I quickly ordered a large (at a cost of $3.50, geesh!), and left. My heart happy and full of joy because I got my Shamrock Shake, and relived some favorite memories bought back to me by Matt’s website.

The kicker though? There was NO advertising for the shakes, none on TV, no shamrocks inside the restaurant, there wasn’t even a mention of them on the menu board! There was NO record of them at all! I never asked before, so I assumed they didn’t have them. What’s up with that? Anyone else had the same experience in a McDs?

Ghosted by Destro @ 03/22/2006 6:08 AM EST


They’ve been playing Shamrock Shake ads on the radio here. A couple different ones since before V-Day and are still playing. Mine always has advertising on the menu board and sometimes a display by the drive-in. They might have taken them down after St. Patty’s because they’re just finishing off whatever is leftover.

Commercials I hate right now? Ummm… I dunno. I hate how there aren’t any fun McDonald’s commercials and they’re all centered around the full day of exercise you’ll need to work off a Happy Meal. They should bring back Cosmo. Nothing makes me hungrier for a cheeseburger than a chubby white kid.

And yeah kidneyboy is has been kinda quiet lately. I wonder where Matt’s run off to now, haven’t seen him online in a bit…

Ghosted by Mystie @ 03/22/2006 7:37 AM EST


My least favorite commercials are those fat-burning pill commercials. Basically everything they say is viciously misleading. Like the fact that "it’s so powerful it was granted a U.S. patent." Considering there’s also a patent on the books for a "Scented Doll With the Appearance of an Aged Person," that’s not terribly impressive. And then there’s the whole "Warning: this product is so powerful it will actually make you lose body fat. Only order if you want to lose body fat." It’s like Cingular making a commercial with the tagline "Warning: this product is so powerful it will actually connect and exchange audio information with other phones. Only order this product if you wish to exchange audio information with other phones." And all the badly-emoting people exclaiming about how they didn’t eat right, didn’t exercise, and still lost weight. They actually refer to it is a "magic pill." It just drives me crazy. I mean, these people are still going to kill themselves from cholesterol poisoning and heart disease and diabetes and all the other problems you get with obesity, but hey at least they get to wear smaller pants am I right?

So sorry. I think I’d better go lie down for a while.

Ghosted by Jedoc @ 03/22/2006 7:47 AM EST


Yeah, the medical assistant commercials are pretty bad. At my gym they are always playing the retarded channels that play Judge Joe Brown and stuff like that. Those are the shows that are heavy on the "get on the right track fast" commercials. i suppose if it’s 3pm and you’re on the couch watching the Judge…

Ghosted by kb @ 03/22/2006 9:01 AM EST


Kidneyboy –
I read stuff people have written and want to pay to get published, so it’s like a literary magazine rejects festival.

These ghetto fabulous ones are always the same. Last night’s was about a dude who gets out of jail, goes on a huge shopping spree because his friends are loaded, then decides to try to keep things clean. Well, of course he or one of his friends get mixed up in some bad business with drugs or thugs, and they end up fleeing the country. The main character also bangs several chicks along the way.

Doesn’t it sound awesome?

Ghosted by Jessica Marie @ 03/22/2006 9:22 AM EST


kb"fox yes! those were the greatest. Especially the gummi bears. ……bouncing here and there and everywhere"

Talk about the biggest blown opportunity ever!! When that show was in it’s heyday, Disney should have been selling jolt like sugar drinks in those little bottles the gummie bears had and called it "Gummie Berry Juice" they would have made billions!

Ghosted by Double G @ 03/22/2006 9:33 AM EST


Also, on Saturday mornings, I remember being really bummed out when Looney Tunes would come on, because I knew that was the last cartoon of the morning.

I wholeheartedly agree. Saturdays at our house were cleaning days, and as soon as the cartoons were over we had to get to work. I remember that I never really enjoyed the Looney Tunes, but I watched them anyway to postpone the inevitable. I once said to my husband, "Remember how bummed you’d be when Looney Tunes came on and you knew Saturday morning was over?" He said, "No, I loved Looney Tunes! I looked forward to it!" I hate it when that happens.

On the topic of the "I Love The…" specials, they should make more of an effort to find people who actually CARE about this stuff. My favorite moments are the ones where usually-cool celebrities see something and almost flip out. "Oh my gosh, I totally had these!" and then they start enthusiastically telling some story from their youth regarding said item. That’s so much better than these pseudo-comedians trying to look cool by pointing out how stupid the stuff we loved was. It’s ironic that the shows named "I Love The…" are full of people saying, "This was the worst toy ever invented. That was the most awful song ever. That was the dumbest TV show. This was the ugliest thing people ever wore…"

Ghosted by Lori @ 03/22/2006 10:56 AM EST


Double G: You can also put the Smurfs on the blown opportunity list. I would love to have eaten a Smurfberry.

Yea. Those Truth ads are annoying.

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 03/22/2006 11:27 AM EST


Socks, socks, socky socks. Sock sock socko, sock. sock sock sockitty sock. sock sock, sock in the mouth, sock.

I just wish that chubby guy would just quit crying over losing clients to Ditech.
Not to mention that ads for feminine hygene products are now the new Hair Club for Men. "You can now live an active lifestyle! Swimming, biking, weight lifting, Quantum Mechanics, you can even run your fingers through it!"

"X-Entertainment’s I Love I Love" We can all talk about how all the unknown comedians they use really, really suck.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 03/22/2006 12:08 PM EST


Destro: If by "same experience in a McDonald’s" you mean that an employee was annoyed that you made them do their job and couldn’t read their frickin’ mind, I absolutely have had the same experience. Also had it in a Verizon, Wal-Mart, post office, gas station, Burger King, grocery store, Best Buy, etc., etc.

Ghosted by Bludge @ 03/22/2006 12:28 PM EST


Disney Afternoon was AMAZING- what a line up! They have Darkwing Duck on DVD now, and Chip n’ Dale, so now I eagerly await…GUMMI BEARS! That is one DVD set I NEED in my collection to complete me as a person.

The only line ups that can possibly compare to the Disney line-up would be Sunday morning Nick (Rugrats, Doug, Ren + Stimpy, Rocko’s Modern Life) OR certain years of SNICK…years that included Clarissa Explains it All, Are you Afraid of the Dark? and ROUNDHOUSE. WHY can’t any station put together a few solid hours of programming anymore?

That DiTech guy is awful- those commercials are terrible.

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 03/22/2006 1:00 PM EST


Ok, top three commercials I hate.

1) Anything involving Larry the Cable Guy
2) That DisneyWorld commercial with the criminally annoying kid. "We’re too EXCITED to sleep!"
3) Boost Mobile, I think.

On a different note, does anyone remember when, at the height of TGIF’s popularity, ABC tried something similar on Saturday night? Don’t remember what it was called, but it was very short-lived.

Ghosted by Rhino @ 03/22/2006 1:36 PM EST


If you think the Vh1 commentators are unfunny you’ve obviously never sat through one of E!’s ridiculous Top Whatevers shows.
The Soup (E!’s one funny show) did a great parody of the Bryant Academy commercials recently about learning to be an oversexed doctor (Grey’s Academy).
New Lost tonight! Yay for slight relief from Sopranos withdrawl anguish. One of the guest stars listed for the ep gives me hope that we might finally get the answer to one of the big questions from season one (this sentence has been spoiler sanitized for your convenience).

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 03/22/2006 2:17 PM EST


I loved SNICK, when is there going to be a classic Nickelodeon station for us?

Pete & Pete, Ren & Stimpy, Are you Afraid of the Dark

Remember Salute your Shorts and Hey Dude, man I miss those!

Awesome!

Ghosted by Fox @ 03/22/2006 3:20 PM EST


I can’t stand that bank commercial with the girl who gets her first paycheck. I thought the the song they played in the background was the LAverne and Shirley song, but I think it was from something else. Anyway, who the hell gets that excited about banking? Nevermind that the girl in the commercial looks like she’s in her 30’s. If you don’t have a bank account by then, what are you doing with your life?

Any Old Navy commercial usually irks the hell out of me. I think they make them as annoying as possible. I think they take direction from the Devil himself. He takes a trip up from whatever level of hell he resides in just to make those annoying commercials.

I also hated when Looney Tunes came on. Cleaning days at my house were on Saturdays also, and once Looney
Toons came on, we knew we only had an hour left of our saturdays.

IT’s sad that no network has any good after school afternoon cartoon blocks like they used to.

Ghosted by Darth Galvatron @ 03/22/2006 3:45 PM EST


I’ve been waiting for a classic Nick station for years. I mean, they already have one for Nicktoons, and some "games and sports" channel, you’d think the natural Nick Classics wouldn’t be that far behind. I miss Hey Dude, Salute Your Shorts, etc, and unless you find crappy bootlegs of them, you can’t see them anywhere. I’d even be happy to see Welcome Freshmen again.

Ghosted by Rob @ 03/22/2006 3:53 PM EST


I picked up a Berries ‘n Cream Dr. Pepper from the grocery store. I’ve only had a couple of sips, but my initial reaction: it’s like there’s a party in my mouth, and everyone is extra delicious.

Ghosted by Jedoc @ 03/22/2006 3:58 PM EST


My favorite afterschool show is still He-Man. (Ducktales is a close second). And after re-watching all of Season 1 a few times that’s to the advent of the DVD, that show stands the test of time… and damn anyone who says otherwise!! :D

Ghosted by Double G @ 03/22/2006 4:23 PM EST


Well, I’ve never posted any comments before but I felt it absolutely necessary to communicate how awesome this is. I’ve ritually checked in on your site every few days or so for updates for the last 3 years and this was one of the best batch of commercials yet. Thank you for allowing the kids of the 80s to relive their youth and rediscover how awesome it was! You’re awesome Matt, keep it comin’!

Ghosted by EBrock @ 03/22/2006 11:06 PM EST


HAPPY! HAPPY! JOY JOY more 80’s commercials and I SEEN IT!

Ghosted by nickr. @ 03/22/2006 11:45 PM EST


Well, I do seem to remember that whole McDLT (or whatever). No, the lettuce and tomato weren’t crisp or cold.

The Underoos (Underroos?) commercials were a bit much, even at that time. Maybe I was a bit perverted in the ol’ membrane 15-20 years before everyone else, but kids parading around in their underwear? On TV? That ain’t right.

Ghosted by kinderscenen @ 03/23/2006 12:38 PM EST


On a different note, does anyone remember when, at the height of TGIF’s popularity, ABC tried something similar on Saturday night? Don’t remember what it was called, but it was very short-lived.

It was called "I Love Saturday." I know Growing Pains and Who’s The Boss (two sitcoms eternally linked together) were part of it…possibly the other half was filled with sitcoms that didn’t last the life of the block.

Ghosted by Mars @ 03/23/2006 3:01 AM EST


Those "Fat Burning Pills" commercials are just an extension of the "Snake Oil Venders" of old. "Hurry Hurry, Step right up! Try the magical mirical tonic!"

And, as for there being no "Solid Blocks Of Programming" I think CN still delivers the goods with Toonami, Adult Swim, and to a lesser extent Miguzi (Code Lyoko rocks and YuGiOh GX is corny but entertaining).

Ghosted by Tetsu Deinonychus @ 03/23/2006 4:33 AM EST


Oh looky, my first post after reading the site for at least 5 years turns out to be a ponderous, talking-to-myself affair.

I wonder what exactly it is that led to the downfall of Saturday morning/afterschool kids’ shows? Did the kids change as the years passed, or was it more to do with those FCC requirements for "educational" programming?

Whatever it is, they’ve surely ruined an entire generation. Kids *need* constant marketing and cheap animation. It’s part of this balanced breakfast.

Ghosted by lugnut @ 03/23/2006 9:33 AM EST


Those miracle fat-burning pill commercials are the absolute worst. I can’t believe that those people get away with it, the claims are so ludicrious I can’t believe they are not arrested. The Kevin Trudeau informercials are also horrible. I also agree about those Larry The Cable Guy movie ads; seriously, anyone plan on seeing it? It looks totally horrible.

Speaking of informercials, anyone have any old favorites? I loved that bizarre "Santo Gold" infomercial they ran in the late 80s.

Ghosted by Destro @ 03/23/2006 7:53 PM EST


Thank you Thank You Thank You for posting these. You made my day today…

Ghosted by Shawn Robare @ 03/23/2006 10:42 PM EST


I loved that bizarre "Santo Gold" infomercial they ran in the late 80s.

I sadly hadn’t heard of Santo until Googling the name, and now that I’ve seen the two clips I could find…wow. Just…wow.

Words fail me.

And now I know my life’s mission is to find the complete program.

Ghosted by lugnut @ 03/24/2006 9:10 AM EST


Yo WHere you get that jake the snake vs kat Video you know where a video of the show is or any other rare WWF Videos you can watch? hitman

Ghosted by trav @ 03/25/2006 12:26 PM EST


Thank you for posting up more commercials, especially the Fruity Marshmellow Krispies one. I hope you put more up soon.

Ghosted by Bert Raccoon @ 03/25/2006 11:35 PM EST


That kid in the Jedi commercial sounds like Daniel from Transformers. I didn’t see Hotrod anywhere though.

Ghosted by Sir Jokesalot @ 03/26/2006 9:17 AM EST


This brings up an interesting memory from my childhood: That Empire was, by far, the last Star Wars movie I watched of the original trilogy by a mile. Why did it take so goddamn long for me to see it? Why did Saturday afternoon movies always seem to either show A New Hope (or as I knew it then, just plain ol’ Star Wars) or Jedi? Why did they only play the LOTR animated movie in its entirety once, to my memory? I don’t know, but goddamn did I love me some Saturday afternoon movie.

Ghosted by yode @ 03/29/2006 11:06 PM EST


i would like some new old commercials very soon on x-e take care of me twins skip-it zack the lego maniac blow pop and caramello

Ghosted by nick @ 04/01/2006 11:40 AM EST


Thanks for once again showing me why this is the greatest site on the internet. I love the old commercials. One thing though, I don’t mean to nitpick (ok yeah I do) but in your review of the Reeses commercial you mention that they are playing on a Colecovision. However those are most definately Intellivision controllers they are holding. Anyway I knew I would not be able to sleep until I posted that so there it is. Hope to see more of these great commercials soon, thanks!

Ghosted by Kevin @ 04/05/2006 3:32 AM EDT


Do you have a high rez copy of the Zips commercial?

Ghosted by Erizzle @ 04/06/2006 1:23 PM EDT


Super Sunday and Super Saturday fans of Jem, Bigfoot and the Muscle Machines, Robotix, and Inhumanoids, please vist this SUPER SUNDAY WEBSITE, and this site also contains commercials for Robotix and Bigfoot. You can also sign the "Super Sunday & Super Saturday Petition", by scrolling down the page of this website.

Ghosted by Ryan Lepore @ 04/08/2006 12:04 PM EDT


Ahhh, after nearly a year long exile I’ve spent the last two days re-immersing myself in the magic that is X-E. Thanks for all the great memories, Matt! I loved every single one of the commercials, and they brought a few things to mind that I hadn’t thought of in almost 20 years. I would appreciate a Mac Tonight commercial in a future entry though. I loved the Mac!

On a side note, I was also sad when Looney Toones would come on every Saturday. Nothing worse than the end of the cartoon goodness! I loved D & D, Kidd Video, Galaxy High, Pole Position, Laser Tag, Smurfs, and the Wuzzles…those were some good times.

Ghosted by Kieran Alexis @ 04/09/2006 12:38 PM EDT


Hey Do you guys remember a comercial, I think it was a sunkist comercial that was some factory and a kid saying
“grandpa, tell me again how about Sunkist factory”
The comerical was an animated one that showed the “process” in which sunkist oranges went through before hitting the shelves. Iv looked for it but can find it. Do you know which one im talking about?

Ghosted by MJGRASS @ 08/25/2006 11:50 AM EDT


I’m calling out all the aficionados of the great King Ayummayumma and the greatest cereal of all time, Fruit Islands cereal. EVERYBODY TOGETHER NOW: “Ayummayumma!…….You can say it too!!! If we all work hard together we can get the public to embrace and resurrect Fruit Islands cereal to its natural place at the top of all commercial products. King Ayummayumma is calling on you now, O trusty Fruit Islands diciple!

Ghosted by Josh Ednoff @ 10/02/2006 7:10 AM EDT


Oh my God I love you.

Super naturals.. I had some of these. totally forgot about em.

Ghosted by AtomicPup @ 10/14/2006 11:40 AM EDT


Love this site…..just love it!

Ghosted by Peter in Sweden @ 01/02/2007 3:35 PM EST


ah, old school memories…a transformer that’s a f**king *Fiero*! how awesome is that?

Ghosted by Rick @ 01/23/2007 3:36 PM EST


My loyal diciples, I need you! The all-mighty messiah King Ayummayumma and the Holy Grail known to us mere mortals as Fruit Islands cereal needs all of you to help roll back the stone and resurrect Fruit Islands cereal onto the online mainstream. My children, I call upon the divine souls to flood every website, blog, database, server, online community, boathouse, outhouse….(sorry Tommy Lee Jones!) with everything it takes to bring back Fruit Islands cereal. “Ayummayumma, you can say it TOO!”

Ghosted by Josh Ednoff @ 01/31/2007 3:21 AM EST


All of us who watched Saturday morning cartoons in the 80’s know that we were a part of the golden age of cartoons. Thundarr the Barbarian (all about Uklah the Mohk’s square horse), Shirt Tails, every 80’s video game as a cartoon, Muppet Babies, Hulk Hogan’s Rock and Wrestling, Land of the Lost (with the worst ever superimposed graphics), Ding Bat, Plastic Man, Shzaam, Fat Albert before he sold out (which I would like to ask, how come when they ran somewhere Fat Albert was always 20 steps behind, yet when they got somewhere they all got there at the same time?). Anyways, can’t we all agree that the WORST cartoon of them all was Mr. T? He’d be swinging the alligator by the tail in the opening credits, doing Olympic-caliber gymnastic stunts while wearing a denim cut-off shirt with jeans and Native American feather earings, and just hanging out with pre-teen kids in an abductor like van! Then the absolutely cheesy moral lesson at the end of the show with a real time shot of Mr. T preaching the gospel to us kids who were already so geetered out on sugar from the 5th bowl of cereal our parents had no intention of giving us anymore brothers or sisters (Blatant rip-off from a Calvin and Hobbes strip, but I just had to.) So lets hear it for Mr. T being the worst cartoon (or show on TV for that matter) of all time.

Ghosted by Josh Ednoff @ 01/31/2007 3:40 AM EST


Everybody, this wouldn’t be the 80’s without mention of the greatest innovation of the decade that makes nuclear power and the wheel look less important than a Lincoln log. The Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine!!! Come on everybody, “You put an ice cube in, pull a sno-cone out. Yumm-yumm fun is what its all about (Thanks Snoopy!). Its the Snoopy Sno-cone Machine!” How cheated did I get at Christmas? My sister…. Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine, me….coloring book!

Ghosted by Josh Ednoff @ 01/31/2007 4:02 AM EST


Thanks Matt for posting the Underoos commercial. I was absolutely convinced as a kid that you actually would turn into your favorite superhero. Of course I didn’t listen to my parents who kept telling me otherwise, so I got to live the disappointment when I threw on a pair and nothing happened. Of course having worked in retail and being older, I know how ridiculous that would have been, thousands of pairs of Underoos and every kid turning into SuperMan.

Ghosted by Mark @ 05/07/2007 7:23 AM EDT


I *would* find this website this late in the game. I am LOVING this site. Anyways, I just watched the Watch N Play ad and realized that I have zero memory of that contest. Musta been playing Donkey Kong on the 2600 or something.

I did, however, own a Sony Watchman. Still do, in fact, and just pulled it out and put some batteries in to see if it still works. I’m getting a picture, but no sound. Not even from the earphone jack. I’m puzzled because I’m almost positive that the last time I tried it (a couple of years back) I got sound but no picture.

That thing went on a few family vacations with me and I actually managed to pull in signals in most places. Rural areas were impossible, of course. Never did figure out what kind of antenna would plug into that jack on top. Maybe a proprietary Sony gadget, I dunno.

Ghosted by ChrisC @ 03/07/2009 2:27 PM EST


In the 80s there was a commercial with a play on communism where a woman in all gray would walk like a model down a runway. Then they would show another woman exactly like her, and finally a third woman. I do not remember what they were advertising, I just know that I could use it as an example in school. Anyone know what I am talking about and where to get a copy of it?

Ghosted by Ann @ 03/12/2009 11:48 AM EST


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