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02/12/2006: TMNT: Snacks From The Sewer! (And snow.)

New Article Alert! I’ve been on a Ninja Turtles kick ever since finding that weird “Movie Action” figure/DVD set as seen in a previous entry, so it was time to go find my empty bag of TMNT Crunchabungas and a big pile of other junk for a huge tribute to Ninja Turtles food products, covering everything from gum-eyed popsicles to Royal Ooze gelatin. The incredible thing is that I still have enough stuff leftover to do a Part 2, but in the interest of variety, that won’t happen until 2015. And I just might be dead by then. Article includes a short recipe section detailing how you can make and drink your own retromutagen. It’s what you’ve all been waiting for.

We had one hell of a snowstorm last night, and it looks like it’s still coming down a bit. Over a foot here and closer to sixteen inches in many places nearby. Gonna be fun commuting in tomorrow. On the upside, two kids knocked on the door offering to dig my car out for 20 bucks, and though that’s on the high side of snow shoveling rates, I just couldn’t stomach the idea that Sunday night would be spent cursing God for giving clouds a mean streak. Paid ‘em, and though they of course left just enough to make me still have to go out there and finish up at some point today, at least I won’t feel like the Chinese inmate those filthy Klingons made an example of in Star Trek VI.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 128 comments

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Matt –

You’re my hero on so many levels. Turtles owned my childhood too. I have a blanket that my grandma made of out the kick-ass 1987 TMNT material.

Anyway my mom amazed me one day when she packed my lunch for work in a brown paper sack with Raphael on it. I was taken aback and asked her where it came from and she had a whole fricking bag of them in the house that had never been opened. I felt so cool going to the factory with a TMNT bag that day haha.

Did anyone else have the ridiculously bad TMNT sweaters that looked like they were made by members of a blind sweatshop?

Ghosted by TommyDay @ 02/13/2006 11:34 AM EST

My Ma has a whole collection of turtle figures and jewelry. And she has a few TMNT items as well. One time here at work, a customer asked if she was from the Delaware tribe, since turtles figure so much in their symbolism. "No," she said, "I’m a turtle eating Kiowa!" If it wasn’t winter (supposedly), I would go out and provoke a snapping turtle.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 02/13/2006 12:18 PM EST

Mars: Pizza Hut did do a Turtles promotion, but it was in the form of sponsoring their live action concerts. They even did a video that I think Matt reviewed years ago.

MrTox: No problem. Could it had been a regional thing though ala those Jones Sodas last year? I live in the midwest so I definately remember the green pudding version, but not the other way I mentioned? They were gross anyway since I’m not a pudding man at all.

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 02/13/2006 12:33 PM EST

I only remember the green-pudding-normal-shell Turtle Pies. I’m in the northeast, which is the same whereabouts of Matt and many of the other Turtle-Pie aficianados, so I don’t know if it was regional. I’m not sure which I would have liked more…the ooze inside as green, or the actual turtle half-shell shaped crust being green…Unfortunately, I guess I’ll never know.

Ghosted by mtrox @ 02/13/2006 1:12 PM EST

There was an episode of TMNT where Mikey put whipped cream on his pizza. I got really pumped and tried it out. I put cool whip on a cheese Gatti’s pizza and it was REALLY frigg’n good. It tastes like some kind of weird desert. It’s got all the oily-ness of pizza mixed with the sugary whipped cream. I’d definitely recommend the more daring of you to give it a shot!

Ghosted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 02/13/2006 1:13 PM EST

I became a brown belt in Hapkido while I was teaching in Korea last year… My main reason for doing so? To pretend I was a Ninja Turtle!

I LOVED those Ninja Turtle Popsicles, although I only ever had two in my life…bought off the back of a REAL ice cream truck one magical weekend at my cousin’s house in a different province. A province that had Ninja Turtle popsicles AND ice cream trucks!

I can’t believe it’s been two years since that XE article when Matt found that popsicle…

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 02/13/2006 1:13 PM EST

In the very first episode (which I’ve reviewed), three of the Turtles order whipped cream pizzas — and Eddie is right, they looked GOOD.

Ghosted by Matt @ 02/13/2006 1:17 PM EST

Are you willing to fight for the 80’s nostalgia you believe in?
To do what’s right for the toys you still have?
That’s X-E Power!

Ghosted by kingklash @ 02/13/2006 1:39 PM EST

Man, I never got to have any cool TMNT stuff even though I clearly remember being totally obsessed with the show at about age five or six. See, my mom was a girly-girl as a child, and naturally assumed I was too. So I could have any Barbie or baby doll I wanted, and I had tons. But when I wanted Legos, or a race car set, or Ninja Turtles, there was always some excuse why I couldn’t have it, because they were not "girl" things. (Yes, even Legos! I thought Legos were pretty gender-neutral, but my mom didn’t seem to think so.) The only exception was Nintendo, which actually my dad got me into and then I was so obsessed my mom COULD NOT say no. But apparently this gender bias my mom had also branched out into snack foods, because I don’t remember any TMNT junk food. Then again, the only fun food I remember from when I was that young was cereal, and we stuck with the more "standard" kid cereals like Fruity Pebbles and Cookie Crisp. Go figure.

I seem to remember my cousins having those TMNT bowls though, and I was fascinated.

Ghosted by jazzy @ 02/13/2006 2:28 PM EST

Off-topic: Charlie Brown Valentine is on tomorrow on ABC. They’ve been showing ads for it that are kinda funny due to fact that the narrator is using a seductive Barry White type voice. Who knew that watching Charlie Brown could be sexy?

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 02/13/2006 2:31 PM EST

That’s what being a 21st century adult is all about. You get to buy the toys you miss as a kid, and use ‘Collectable" as justification. Unless you’re like me. Then, "He’s just a wierdo." is a valid excuse.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 02/13/2006 2:33 PM EST

Off topic, but while we’re describing ancillary items (promotional tie-ins):

We had on Ghostbusters yesterday, and my boyfriend said to me and my brother, "I’m sure you guys had Ecto Cooler in your lunchboxes in school at one point."

Oh my god, did we ever?! I think everyone at some point liked Ecto Cooler. My mom used to buy the stuff constantly–great stuff.

My boyfriend is 4 years older than me, so he was a little older during the Ninja turtles craze (I was 7 in late 1989–he was 11). But, he said he liked the movie. It’s almost like the stuff that flew by us early 80s babies (thank goodness)–Thomas The Tank Engine, Barney, and all that crap we thankfully were too old to like.

Myself and one of my cousins (who is about eighteen months younger than me) were watching one of those damn "Thomas the Tank Engine" videos with a much younger cousin (this was 5 1/2 years ago). I still can’t understand why we were watching it, but anyways, I discovered that Alec Baldwin narrated it, and George Carlin was actually on it at one time. I thought I was going to cry…GEORGE CARLIN on a "wholesome" kiddie show?! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Ghosted by Allison @ 02/13/2006 3:07 PM EST

Jazzy–long time no see. How’s everything going? I got DDR Mario Mix–it’s alot of fun–the boyfriend got if from ebay for the same price it was in the store–brand new!

I loved Legos–I played w/them well into middle school, I believe until the end of 7th grade. I think they are great for the imagination–I made an airport out of legos one time–nothing spectacular–it was multi-colored and stuff, but that’s cool.

Charlie Brown as sexy? Leave it to JLAJRC to come up w/that. I’m proud–really. It sounds like a Darth Poop thought. Don’t worry, Darth Poop, you’re still one in a million.

Supposedly, the people at Jenny Craig think that method works when they decided to use a Barry White-esque song to promote Kirstie Alley stuffing her face. Yeah, I think I’d rather see Miss Piggy doing that instead. Yuck.

Gang, if I could send you all those cute little paper valentines like the ones in elementary school, I would. Those were fun.

Ghosted by Allison @ 02/13/2006 3:27 PM EST

I completly screwed myself when I was a kid. I went through so many "collection" phases, from Masters of the Universe, to the Transformers, to GI Joe, to TMNT, with many special guests in between. But by far, my TMNT craze was the biggest. I seriously had about as much Ninja Turtle gear, toys, and food as anybody. I even remember getting the TMNT arcade game on Nintendo one Christmas Eve and being hypnotized the rest of the Holiday season, even got an awesome TMNT table hockey game that Christmas.

But here’s the main point of the story: on one really rainy, boring day, in the basement, I figured that it would be the best idea ever to make a new breed of TMNT action figures. I thought "how simple it must be to detatch the various limbs and heads from TMNT action figure torsos, and re-attach them to create new super figures that my friends would envy and wonder where on Earth I found them. However, the "I screwed myself" part, comes from the fact that I dis-assembled dozens of figures to create my own Casey/Shredder/Leonardo, before realizing that those little rubber bands were all necessary assembly parts, and that in my chaos, I had torn apart any hope of even rebuilding the original figures. After realizing this I sought the help of my parents, who were amazed at how much distruction I had brought forth on my action figures, and punished me for being so wreckless. In the end, my figures filled their awesome carrying case as a mix and match of body parts that looked kindof like Super Shredder had his vengence on a the cast of TMNT while they slept.

Poor me, poor, poor me.

Ghosted by Fox @ 02/13/2006 3:27 PM EST

Money my parents spent on TMNT toys when I was young: $600

Money made from selling toys at garage sale for spending money: $60

Buying everything back: PRICELESS

Ghosted by TommDay @ 02/13/2006 4:23 PM EST

If it makes you feel any better, Fox I have a whole box of old My Little Ponies in my closet that I gave haircuts and pedicures.

And a warning to all X-E’s…. don’t buy this new V8 Fusion shit, it’s fucking terrible. Fruit juice with the distinct aftertaste of tomato soup. Bleck.

Ghosted by Mystie @ 02/13/2006 4:52 PM EST

"What A Dummy!" *shudder!* You know the Alf inspired craze of families hiding trouble causing alien/ mythical creatures sitcoms ran it’s course when a tv executive suggests they use the "possesed puppet" angle. Thankfully, It suffered in the sydnication ratings against Mr. Belvedere reruns.

Ghosted by cheaptrick @ 02/13/2006 4:55 PM EST

Maybe Darth Poop took over my mind when I wrote that? Maybe I’m transforming into a Darth? Darth JLAJRC? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Protect me.

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 02/13/2006 5:17 PM EST

There is no escape. Don’t make me destroy you. You do not yet
realize your importance. You have only begun to discover you power.
Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined strength,
we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.

Ghosted by Darth Poop @ 02/13/2006 5:55 PM EST

Thinks about it. Ok, I’ll join. What do I need to do first

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 02/13/2006 6:02 PM EST

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it now:
I love your articles. I was but a wee lad when the turtles came out, and I remember them being the really really cool thing when I was in pre-school. I never got "into" them, but of course that ment that I still had the crappy handheld tiger video games, ate the cereal with the cereal bowl, and ate the sugary delicious pie. I remember them being green with vanilla, as your articles have written. And I still remember how they taste and want to eat them again.

I know at some point I saw the movie, but I was 5 when it came out. Thus, I can’t remember it at all. This article has inspired me to find that film and watch it again.

Sometimes these articles make me feel left out. My neighborhood had very few kids in it, so it was rare to go over to a friends house and play video games (although we still did). But I feel connected, because I ate and loved TMNT pie. Because I love pudding pops. Or because I remember the encyclopedia brittanica guy. I get teary eyed when I think of the Super Mario Bros. Super show. And I feel validated that I wasn’t the only one who spent their Friday’s alone, eating candy and watching TGIF.

So much of my life passes without wonder. I don’t get excited about new products or holidays. But this site gets me in the holiday spirits every time. It makes me remember how awesome Christmas was or how cool breakfast cereal promotions are. It gives me a little spark that I lost somewhere in my youth. For that, I thank you Matt.

Ghosted by Jono @ 02/13/2006 6:03 PM EST

JLAJRC- Whine a lot, then kill some kids. Then you’re totally in.

Ghosted by Darth Poop @ 02/13/2006 6:05 PM EST

Jono: Speaking of the Encylopedia Britannica guy, he was on VH1’s recent 100 Greatest Teen Stars. His name is Donovan something and he looks like Phillip Seymore Hoffman in Capote now. The funny thing is that he now a webmaster for an amateur porn site. I was laughing when I saw that.

DP: I withdraw my nomination, although I do whine alot. Too violent for me.

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 02/13/2006 6:50 PM EST

When I was in Disney World, I was in high school. Jim Henson was there with the rest of the Muppeteers and crew. I saw them on 3 separate days of filming around the park. The first day when they were finished Jim Henson was walking through the crowd. I got the courage to go up to him and say hi. What did I say in my precious time with this genius? "I’m really looking forward to seeing the Turtles movie" (I had seen a piece where he was talking enthusiasticly about the movie because the Creature shop had done the Turtles animatronics heads).

Man, youth is wasted on the young. Anyway, I raise my glass to his rememberance.

Ghosted by Darth Muppet @ 02/13/2006 7:13 PM EST

matt, dont lie, your not 60, i think i have seen you in town cause we both live on the same island….come on admit it.

Maybe someday when you answer my emails we can smoke together and play with my snes, i have super smash tv and 2 controllers!

Ghosted by john wayne <--cs:s @ 02/13/2006 8:03 PM EST

Awesome. This week’s Strong Bad Email includes a novelty ice cream that is remarkably similar to the Ninja Turtle Incredi-Pop. Happy bear holding a shark week, everybody.

Ghosted by Jedoc @ 02/13/2006 8:26 PM EST

Yes, the size and scope of TMNT knew no bounds – or if it did, it broke every freakin’ one of them.

I remember the cookies, pies (never ate the pies, but wanted to), cereal (kinda disliked it, but proof in advertising it made me want the stuff), and fruit snacks. I kind of always remember disliking the Farley’s ones, but ate ‘em anyhow – too waxy. I was more of a Fun Fruits guy…oh, and Fruit Bars.

After reading this article I have the urge to buy TMNT movies and cartoons, scour the aisles in Meijer for fruit snacks after work, (Fun Fruits, *sniff*), dig out my old TMNT lunchbox, and just bask in the glory of it all…at least until class tomorrow morning…

Being nostalgic is all about remembering the moment – the sights, the smells, the sounds. I can recall certain key points in my life with great detail, and it’s all about being in the moment – something your nostalgic articles do exceptionally well.

Bravo, Matt, bravo.

Ghosted by Tim @ 02/13/2006 8:37 PM EST

Oh, by the way. I just thought I would mention that I went to Toys ‘R Us and Target with my brother and our friend. I bought myself a silly string Star Wars General Grievous blaster, and a crappy Robots in Action coloring book, and a box of 64 Crayola. My brother bought a Star Wars Lego set.

All three of us spent the rest of the day watching TV while playing with Legos and I colored in my coloring book (which I haven’t done in YEARS and it was SO much fun).

Just last night my brother got on the Lego kick and climbed into the attic to assess the Lego situation upstairs. We took a trip back in time to a place long forgotten, but immediately remembered when the trigger is there. I NEED to get back in that attic and uncover some of the hidden treasures that have been lying in wait for years.

Ghosted by Tim @ 02/13/2006 8:56 PM EST

I just want to say that I second what Tim and Jono said.

I’d also like to say that the TMNT pies I remember eating had plain vanilla filling and were covered in green icing. I’m not saying there wasn’t another version, I’m just saying I distinctly remember the green-outside/white-inside ones.

Ghosted by Tetsu Deinonychus @ 02/13/2006 9:04 PM EST

The fun stuff was on this past Saturday…oh, and I did eat the pies once or twice…at a friend’s house I believe. Geez, buried memories that surface…why do I feel as if they are repressed?…Is it because it was no longer "in" that I buried things so quickly?…

Ghosted by Tim @ 02/13/2006 9:08 PM EST

Allison- Things are good. I checked on Ebay for DDR Mario Mix a while back and the prices were still insane. I’ll have to keep checking.

Ghosted by jazzy @ 02/13/2006 9:28 PM EST

Does anyone remember a fruit snack brand called the Berry Bears? I think the commercials just featured some bears making bear-shaped fruit snacks or something. At one point they introduced one shaped like a pegasus named Flight (how imaginative). I’ve only found one passing reference to them on Google, so they gotta be pretty obscure.

Oh, and how about Big Mixx cereal? You know, with the animal that was part chicken, pig, moose, and something else. I don’t think we ever actually bought the stuff, but I remember the commercials describing him as "coming from out of the Yakima Valley". I wonder how much the Yakima Chamber of Commerce or whatever paid for that kind of product placement? Though I don’t think the Irish Tourist Board gets royalties for Lucky Charms. (Do they?)

Ghosted by Andrew @ 02/13/2006 9:56 PM EST

Hmmm… tomorrow I start my new job as a CSR for boscovs.com. Do I want to pack lunch in my TMNT luncbox, my Hugga Bunch lunchbox, or attempt to find some sort of normal containment for keeping my sammich cool? I should order some stuff from Think Geek to decorate my cubicle. Man, I’m so so happy to finally have a decent permanent job. ^_^

Ghosted by Mystie @ 02/13/2006 10:21 PM EST

My only major permanent scar, besides surgery, is from a Genghis Frog toy I took to the face when I was 12. That was 14 years ago, but it looks like I got it yesterday. If anyone asks, I tell them I got stabbed with an Xacto knife, it sounds a lot cooler

Ghosted by jesse @ 02/13/2006 10:26 PM EST

No way, getting an action figure throwing induced scar is way cooler.

Anyone ever wish they could go back and watch themselves in the 80’s, or what if you could acctually be that kid again for a couple of days. Man, if only I had a Delorean.

Ghosted by Fox @ 02/13/2006 10:44 PM EST

Double post,

But anyone catch that post eariler that MadBallz are coming back. Ebay isn’t turning up to many results.

Ghosted by Fox @ 02/13/2006 10:47 PM EST

For those looking for Mario: DDR you can preorder it directly from nintendo of America for 49.99. Shipment is expected in late Feb/early March. Heres the number: 1-800-255-3700

Saw this on Planet Gamecube, thought someone might be interested, even if the XBox DDRs are like so much better than the Gamecube one. Blech.

Ghosted by Kittycatgirl @ 02/13/2006 11:07 PM EST

Come on Matt, you can’t keep me guessing like this. How much cornstarch? A pinch? A tablespoon? A cup?

Ghosted by Mara @ 02/13/2006 11:29 PM EST

Didn’t really measure. Dumped in till it looked right. A few tablespoons.

Ghosted by Matt @ 02/13/2006 11:30 PM EST

I remember having this hand held teenage mutant turtles video game. I actually still have a couple of figures from when i was 10 and i am 25. wow. they ruled.

Ghosted by Mike the Great @ 02/13/2006 11:37 PM EST

Jedoc: Ouch, yo. You cut me deep. But without a Turtle shaped cereal bowl of my own, I haven’t a leg to stand on.

Ghosted by Quammy @ 02/13/2006 11:46 PM EST

Speaking of the turtles, I remember Matt doing an article on the infamous "I’m not a chicken, you’re a turkey" PSA of the 90s. Does anyone know where I could download the commercial or see it?

Ghosted by Julie @ 02/13/2006 11:54 PM EST

Julie, Matt has the link in the most recent article. Click on my name in order to go directly to the page.

Ghosted by Tim @ 02/14/2006 12:15 PM EST

Darth Muppet: Awesome memory, I’m so jealous

Does anyone remember the snack cakes from the early nineties that was supposed to look like they had a bite taken out of them already? I’ve looked and looked and I can’t find what they were called. I know they were gay as hell, but hey, its a memory.

Ghosted by TommyDay @ 02/14/2006 3:01 AM EST

I never really understood the whole fake vanilla flavoring thing, although I’ve been known to suck down a cream soda in my day. Vanilla-flavored colas just don’t do anything for me though.

Ghosted by mtrox @ 02/14/2006 8:50 AM EST

Oops..don’t know how that happened.

Ghosted by mtrox @ 02/14/2006 8:51 AM EST

Thank you so much for your T.M.N.T
article, I was born in the last year of the eighties, but thank God those green bastards were still around in the ninedies, & today, but reading about the turtles stuff from the begining thrills me the most, & I’m gonna have to try the secret of the ooze drink, thanks again!

Ghosted by Zero Cool @ 02/14/2006 5:34 PM EST

Darth Poop, there was also a villain in the first NES TMNT game called "Mechaturtle". He was about half way through the game and tough as hell! He looked like a turtle for awhile, then he changed into a robot or something. I think the movie "The Wizard" even mentioned him in one scene when the dad was playing Nintendo in a motel room…..not sure, been awhile since I’ve watched it….

Ghosted by Loneman1 @ 02/14/2006 7:39 PM EST

wow I have definitely fallen off of the X-E x-press…My appologies to everyone. For some reason after Christmas I just had so much else to do or on my mind…I will try to post as much as I used to but i can’t guarantee anything…Anyways, I just wanted to comment on how absolutely kick ass the Farley’s fruit snacks were. They were more like gummi bears than fruit snacks and thats why they were the shit. It always made me laugh when companies had to come up with their own renderings of the turtles. They always looked so goofy! And to make things worse I swear some companies hired little kids to trace the already blasphemous artwork done by other companies leaving something similar to a diarreah streak instead of heroes in a half shell. ah memories……..

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 02/14/2006 8:10 PM EST

You left out the Franco-American Pasta with meatballs that came in the can. Kinda like spaghetti but in TMNT shapes, I used to live on that stuff.

Ghosted by Jordan @ 02/15/2006 12:50 PM EST

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