The X-Entertainment Blog!

01/19/2006: Dollar Tree, MoonPie Goodness!

Following up on the previous entry, we headed over to one of those “Dollar Tree” stores after sobbing over the loss of Easy Video. For me, the night had been way too disappointing to tack on going home empty handed. Browsing the aisles with tear stained cheeks, we soon found happiness again within all the many strange foods, toys and “Best of Mike Myers” SNL videos the Dollar Tree offered. Check out the booty…

Strawberry MoonPies! The MoonPie has become a rare artifact in the town I live in, so much so that I spent a long string of years falsely believing they’d gone extinct. Not so. That said, I’d never heard of strawberry MoonPies before last night, which look remarkably appetizing and so, so pink. Though you could argue that everything in a dollar store is a bargain, it really feels like something special to get four MoonPies for a buck. This happy thought led to a bit of MoonPie research when I returned home, which ultimately landed me at the official site, which ultimately landed me on a page of the official site that sells metal buckets full of RC Cola and MoonPies for under twenty bucks. I smell a riotously macho Superbowl party.

I am so down with this. I am so down with this big unpretentious box full of Fortune Cookies, complete with fortunes. It’s amazing. I probably eat enough Chinese food to cover half of the industry’s needed margins, but when it comes to the included fortune cookies, I take ‘em for granted. Usually skip right over them, tossing the little edible ears into the trash with a big pile of see-thru mustard packets and gnawed-on rib bones. Now that I see ‘em all tucked away in a big, glorious box, I’ve consigned myself to a fortune cookie obsession that promises to last at least three of four days. Don’t mind the notation of the cookies being “citrus flavored” — they taste just like any ordinary fortune cookie, and this is a good thing.

I guess I bought these because they’re generally sized and generally shaped like the collection of pewter figurines I once owned - you know, the kind only purchased at nerdy game shops with big sticker warnings on the package detailing the horrible death awaiting anyone willing to lick their preciously poisonous surfaces. Yeah those. One set features knights and horses, the other features ninjas. Though the knights enjoy a broader range of detail and paint colors, the ninjas are clearly cooler, and whenever these forces finally lock horns, they will clearly be the victors and oppressors.

Got some more things too, but I’ll save ‘em for a rainier day.

Also saw two movies recently. Crash, which I really, really liked, and War of the Worlds, which uhh…I dunno. As a spectator with his gloves off, I dug a lot of the scenes. The aliens were nicely menacing with their stupid machines and that thing that essentially equated to a food processor for live human meat. Then it just ended. Flatly. Very very flatly. I don’t feel this should be written off as “justified” just because it’s faithful to the story’s roots. For me, it was a little more like this: “BAD SHIT BAD SHIT BAD SHIT BAD SHIT…OKAY WE HIT 120 MINUTES, GOOD SHIT!” Then again, I have no right to this opinion. For half of the movie’s duration, my head was buried in this old graphic novelization of Return of the Jedi that suddenly appeared next to the bed. No need for phonetics, now I’ve got it in print: “Deeshka! Deeshka dewongie Chewbacca!”

Tomorrow will be brighter, because tomorrow is Friday. Also because giant jellyfish are kicking the shit out of the Japanese. You think I kid you?

Yeah, we do have a Dollar Tree…come to think of it, I’ll be going there tomorrow. I hope I make half as good of a find as you did. They’re the only place I’ve found the "Limited Edition" Mint and Oranges n’ Cream Kit-Kat and Strawberries n’ Cream and Raspberries n’ Cream Hershey Bars.

Is it sad to admit the grocery store where I work sells those Fortune Cookies for twice that price…and I DON’T work in a dollar store?

I love the smartass comment in the jellyfish editorial about how it’s surprising that the jellyfish tofu and ice cream made from those monsters haven’t been a big hit.

Moonpies, oooh, that takes me back to the days of Mardi Gras, and float riders throwing entire boxes off the sides (and hitting people in the head). Banana, those are the worst.

My favorite thing that I ever got at a dollar tree would probably be some little plastic S.W.A.T. guys. I love them all, especially Charles. Oh and that is one big fucking jelly fish. We better begin giving the jelly gods sacrifices to appease them.

I prefer La Choy fortune cookies. In fact, I’m eating a box right now. "You are wise to be like the moon, show only your bright side to the world".

My biggest problem with war of the worlds is when the son survives in the end. That moron.

My biggest problem with war of the worlds is when the son survives in the end. That moron.

No doubt man, it takes away all sense that there was any danger because the only people who died were no bodies. Plus the fact that he got there BEFORE the others means that not only was his path better but that he actually got to see some cool shit over that hill were as us, the audience, had to endure that 5 hour basement scene.

What is it about Japan that attracts giant monsters? I hope the best scientific minds of Japan are working on solving this riddle.

My guess is the Pocky. Even though one can buy it here. But the concentration must be much higher there.

Unbelievable. The DOLLAR TREE here in GA has the same stuff. I picked up the Mike Myers VHS about a month ago.
In other news, can you believe that Emmie is ONE YEAR OLD TODAY? I still feel bad that her birth inadverently led to the downfall of Trajeal

Starwenn: My local Target has a small Limited/Special Edition candy section and have found all of those Kit Kats among other very good candy.

I went to a Dollar General the other day. Of course, the majority of their stuff isn’t a dollar anymore. The coolest thing I found there was thr ProStars cartoon DVD and some WWE figures in generic packaging.

Saw Hoodwinked last Sunday and was totally bored. The Producers was fun, if a little hammy.

Starting Feb 7th I’ll be stocking the new Dollar General down the road for 2 weeks. Then maybe getting a permanent job there. I’m tired of looking for a real job. I’m kinda excited since Dollar General is my fav dollar store. Plus yay 3 weeks of doing nothing!

I don’t think I’ve ever had a moonpie. Heard of them, but never seen or tasted one. I may have had something similar though.

BTW, even though the Christmas season is over, I’m surprised I’ve never seen an article on Hostess Snowballs. Don’t care for the coconut/marshmallow outer layer, but love the cupcake middle.

Talking about awesome food, I found the awesomest of awesome cereals today… Berry Lucky Charms. I’m not even kidding, they rock boyond all reason. Click the link to see them. I’m way too excited about this cereal. I would hope the X-E audience would be too. Woo!

I have to say–never trust a jellyfish. No backbone. Been around since the Precambrian. ‘Nuff said.

Damn, those are some big jellyfish. And now I really, really want a Moonpie. I’d ask someone to hook me up, but after being disappointed with no Holiday Spice, Jones Soda, etc I don’t think my heart could take another disappointment.

Hahaha dohopoki you totally nailed it. The basement scene is scary but interminable. As for the out of nowhere ending, I found the way the machines went down plausible and kinda cool but the happy leaf blown picturesque reunion was just too too much.
WOW Manimal I can’t believe that either! Congrats, pops.

By the way, I always look forward to a fortune cookie. It’s just kind of frustrating when it comes in an individually wrapped package and it’s already smashed to pieces before you can even enjoy it. That’s not a good sign for your fortune inside.

Matt, I don’t know if you know these things or not, but wanting to make sure has brought me out of years of lurking.

1) You’ve been slashdotted. Check it out, your review of Nintendo Power #1 is right up here. http://games.slashdot.org/

2) X-E was mentioned in the January issue of Wizard magazine. I forget what it was about, as I don’t have it here. But it was in there.

Is it just me, or do other people have an obsession with pink food?? I think it’s because pink is close to red, which is usually strawberry or cherry, and always the first choice when deciding between red, orange, yellow, green, purple (ewww), etc.

Do you know why Japan is getting overrun by giant jellyfish, Matt? Because you’ve got all their ninja, you selfish bastard! I hope you’ll be satisfied when you and Dollar Tree cause the goo-covered death of an ancient empire.

Dr. Acula: When your cookie is all smashed to bits, it makes the fortune inside automatically translate to "you will get cancer."

I’m on a self-imposed no-sweets (except for marshmallow peeps on holidays) diet for almost a year now. Still, I want to sample each of these new moonpie flavors. Why wasn’t I informed of this? Who’s in charge?

And holy shit, Mattman, BERRY LUCKY CHARMS? I can see why your head exploded. I’m off to the grocery store to find it. Pray for me.

Never had a Moonpie, but we have a proliferation of Dollar Tree stores in this area (including one in the Megaplex Shopping Center of Doom that’s 5 minutes away from where I now live, woohoo), so I’ll have to go there this weekend and check it out. That, and SNL tapes for a buck make me happy.

Actually, anything for a buck makes me happy…I’ve eaten up those Wal-Mart VHS and DVDs for a buck. I have The Bat with Vincent Price, several cartoon collections, and the original Little Shop of Horrors, which features Jack Nicholson for all of two seconds, even though he’s featured on the cover. Now, though, it seems they only have a bunch of old shows I’ve never heard of. They need to bring back the horror movie collection, definitely before Halloween. Dammit, now I really want to go shopping this weekend and I have no money. I hate being paid every other week.

Mr. Door — Yeah, not sure what’s going on but that Nintendo Power article’s getting linked all over the place this week. Had 10,000 visitors to it yesterday. Always nice when old work gets new love.

Hate to rain on the stick in the wet blanket(mix metaphors much?), but you guys will want to be careful about buying food or hygiene products at dollar stores. Just check the packaging really carefully and make sure the item was produced for sale in the U.S. A lot of those places sell stuff that was produced for countries that have much lower quality standards. I’m not saying that buying/using this stuff means instant, or even drawn out, horrible death, because that’s unlikely, but just be careful, my friends!

Holey moley Matt, 10,000?!? That is incredible! I just think that is so cool.
I keep hearing conflicting takes on Crash. I’ve heard it described as overly melodramatic but with so many award noms it’s got to be pretty awesome. I’ll have to see it for myself, I suppose. Speaking of noms, I was wanting to go see Brokeback Mountain but its become sort of overhyped and I’m not that eager to see it anymore. Especially considering I’ve never been able to convince anybody to go to the gay cowboy movie with me.

Moon Pies? Yeah! Here’s a question for all of you Southerners out there: Remember Po Folks? That was one of my favorite restaurants when I was a kid. Whenever I hear about Moon Pies or Goo-Goos, I think of them. When you went up to the counter to pay, they had Moon Pies and Goo-Goos for sale and posters all over the restaurant for them. That’s the first place I ever had either. I have to try a Strawberry Moon Pie, though. It shouldn’t be too hard to track them down since Dollar Tree’s headquarters is, like, two miles from my house and we have them in practically every strip mall, shopping center, etc.

ZiZak, you’re preaching to the wrong crowd about quality standards…the great Matt himself has been known to consume well-expired food, so what do the rest of us care that our goodies are ancient, nonquality and/or discontinued? If I found Pepsi Holiday Spice in a homeless man’s cardboard box, you can bet I’d be drinking it. As long as it was unopened, of course. Even my Spice Lust has standards…

I think Dollar Tree’s pretty reliable anyway, though I do know what you mean about sketchy dollar stores…there’s some place called Real Deals around here that has a few locations, no idea if it’s only local or what, and I wouldn’t eat any food products that came out of there. I think there’s possibly undiscovered, unknown-to-man creatures living in the dark corners of that place.

Moon Pies, I’d chew through a gaggle of nuns to get at one. As for cheap movies, I bought vols. 1&3 of Big O II for three each at the local DG. The Wally-World $1 DVDs are mostly public domain stuff, which is why any fly-by-night company can put out the same collection of Betty Boop and Popeye cartoons everywhere. In fact, I found the same sets of ‘toons put out by different distributors, at different prices, in the same section. And those Anime looking ones, with promises of giant robots? Don’t get "Space Thunder Kids", because it’s pieces of about three or four other movies put together, including a TRON ripoff. The other two are ok. Not great, but ok. They’re from Korea.

Oh yeah, you know I rocked the Po Folks as a munchkin. Always got a Moon-Pie for desert. Usually got a PB&J…my family LOVED that place…the old closed down PoFolks near my my mom’s house still has the label scar so clear you can read it to this day. Even the exterior decor is still present. Opened once as a bingo hall, but I’d bet money the interior was never changed.

I’m really sad about Easy Video. There are plenty of places like that where I live, and they’re also steadily beginning to close for good.

I found an old takeout bag when I was cleaning the cupboards out the other day. It had a really stale fortune cookie: "Accept the next job offer you are given." To be honest I like that idea.

I used to eat moonpies on my breaks at work when I was in highschool. I’m not sure how well I liked them, but they were cheap and filling.

A MoonPie microwaved for a couple seconds? Actually, pretty good. You guys ever see those GIANT fortune cookies on Food Network? I bet they make one as big as E.Claire! Happy Birthday to the little monkey!

Mr Door: That Wizard article was about the Post Create A Villain Contest. It had a link to Matt’s article.

We have a Dollar Store in town, but I’ve never been to it. I’ve never had a Moonpie though, but they look tasty. I don’t like Banana either, Julie, so I don’t think I’d touch those.

Ah War of the Worlds. My boyfriend and I saw "Wedding Crashers" during the summer, and when we were leaving the theater, a mom was dragging her son back in the "War of the Worlds" theater, hollering at him. When the door was wide open, Steve yelled in, "It’s too bad Tom Cruise dies at the end!", which made all the patrons seeing "Wedding Crashers" laugh hysterically. Myself included.

Lori–what are Goo-Goos? I grew up in Jersey (yes, yes, a Yankee), and never heard of them. Interesting food always has interesting names. I try stuff with names like Goo-Goo.

She’s a year old already, Manimal? Wow, it seems like only yesterday you were telling us of her birth.

That closing logo discussion on the prevous topic blog was GREAT–I never have been able to have a conversation with ANYONE about such a strange topic. Man, I love this!! I’m off to look up some more.

Anyone remember the F.H.E. logo (Family Home Entertainment) with the f.h.e. being written out, and that synthesizer music??? Bleh, that is the worst use of music, but that logo is classic, if not the slightest bit creepy. I also remember an extinct logo from "Inspector Gadget" for "Lexington Broadcast System," or "LBS Communications, Inc." that was done with a Moog synthesizer. Yikes.

My GI Joe cartoon started out with the f.h.e. logo. It wasn’t an episode of the cartoon series but a movie made in 83 I beleive. It was about a laser that could transport stuff.

The M.A.S.S. Device. It was the crux of the movie pilot for GI Joe: A Real American Hero. Although my favorite Cobra plot was the Pyramid of Darkness. Then, Chia.

I think the video releases were by f.h.e., but the cartoon on TV was distributed by DiC.

Hey Darth, how’s "DEEEEEK!" as your battle cry working for ya? Is it glorious yet????

I seem to remember FHE in front of my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live action movie–a bright yellow screen. Other than that, I can’t remember the logo.

No pics of anything yet. Her big party is tomorrow (Sat.) Thanks for all of the Happy Birthdays!

Trajeal-gateI guess enough time has passed and she PROBABLY won’t see this. She volunteered to make Emmie a blanket (Erik too since he was going to be an X-E dad). Well, her husband found out that she was going to make a blanket for "some guy on the internet"…
There was nothing going on of course and it wasn’t really my fault but her participation certainly had a drop off after the incident.

Indeed you are correct, mtrox–that is the f.h.e logo on the TMNT live action video–its also on the cartoons videos–I still have the live action movie–bet I’m retaining that movie just for the logo…and the Pizza Hut commercial.

The logo involves a goldenrod background with a elementary school penmanship book-style line (you know, the top and bottom solid lines and the dashed line in the middle). In a child-style font, in crayon colors, an "f" is written in red, an "h" in blue, and an "e" in yellow. Dots appear between the letters (all lowercase) and the logo title appears below the bottom solid line (Family Home Entertainment) as a cute sound plays (it moves across as the sound plays). The synthesized music ends, and the screen zooms toward you (I think that’s the effect). Take a look if you have your video.

*Going off to carve Trajeal’s name on the Memorial of Lost X-E Posters, right next to Killer Duck*

Kingklash, aren’t you an American Indian or is that Kidneyboy? I gets youse two confused sometimes. If so, which tribe?

I offered to tell Mr. Traj that I’m happily married and I’m sure The Manimal would echo my sentiments, but I guess that wasn’t enough.

Heck, I’ve actually cut way down on posting here, damn Newgrounds and WrestleCrap!

Allison: Yes! I remember that logo now. I’ll have to see if I can scrounge that up.

Another (un-logo-related) bit from a video that I’m especially fond of is the Diet Coke commercial from the original Batman VHS. I was praying for its inclusion in the Special Edition DVD’s special features, but no dice. Alfred and Batman really love their Diet Coke.

kingklash- I saw a girl today in school who had the same color scheme as the 1988 Toxo-Viper.

Allison- My foes quiver in fear when they here the cries of DEEEEEK! My ninjas wielding flame throwers and flying by-planes swarm them, take their collectible pickling jars and then burn alive. It is glorious.

OMG I ate so many moonpies as a youngin that I am surprised that I didnt weight 300 lbs! Sam’s Club used to sell them in bulk (BULK!) you got like, 12 or 24 or something ridiculous like that. My parents would buy them and my father would eat one for breakfast every morning. They also made GIANT moonpies (which were twice the size and so thick you could barely bite into them). They are very good microwaved for maybe 30 seconds (depends on your microwave). Just enough to melt the marshmellow but not enough to make the chocolate runny. All soft and warm with milk they are deeelicious! Was never a big fan of the banana or vanilla varieties…

with that said, its almost impossible to find Moon Pies up north. In fact, I’ve never seen them in CT before. :( The little debbie "Marshmellow Pies" are good but not like the REAL thing.

You can order Moon Pies Online!!! They have them in orange and lemon flavors too! Goo Goo Clusters and RC Cola is also available… yummm!!

kittycatgirl–that’s probably why I’ve never found them up here. I live in Jersey (and I feel like Joe Piscopo saying that so often–oh well!), so I feel your pain.

Darth Poop–sounds quite glorious to me. I can’t think of a better person to use the call of "DEEEEK!"

I believe it was kingklash that mentioned about the Viacom "V of Doom" and the Screen Gems "S from Hell" as primal triggers. The video I found of the "V" zooming in and out is hysterical. I gotta find the link though, but I know they show it on the "DiC Nightmare" video.

Pouring a 40 for Killer Duck, Theodore P. Long, Ange Faitore, Molten and all the other posters who’ve gone on to newer pastures and/or snazzier new psuedonyms.

Holy CRAP! I have to tell people this right now. I just found out that Dinosaurs is coming to DVD! Woo!

I’ve currently got about 200 Strawberry Moonpies in the kitchen right now, that my brother got from work for about five bucks.

I’d look it up, but it’s in Lisa, The Simpson, the only Season 9 episode on SNPP.com without a capsule

Mattman Yeah I heard they were working on Dinosaurs a few days ago. I’m quite excited. I picked up a VHS on half.com not too long ago and watched it the other day (review stuff). Hilarious. Can’t wait for the DVDs, I was mad over the show as a kid.

Also I bought some Moon Pies while i was out today. They’re really not that great. Then again, I think the Howard the Duck was a fantastic movie, Sixlets are better than M&Ms, and that strawberry Yan-Yan is a tasty treat. So there’s really no accounting for my taste.

What!?! DINOSAURS, you say? Coming to DVD May 2nd? Mattman, you are officially awesome.

Hey, I think I know the answer, but did we ever get a Jones Soda Regional Pack review?

Watching right now: Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning on AMC. Just watched Part IV. Part IV isn’t too bad — you know, relatively speaking. Part V is a mess, though.

Man. As much as I liked Dinosaurs back in the day, I’m not sure I want to watch it on DVD. I’ve seen too many reruns of too many shows that I remember as brilliantly funny which just made me think "Huh. And we were actually entertained by this crap?" Maybe I’ll just stick with the memories. Sittin’ in my rocking chair on the front porch, sucking toothlessly on some ambiguously flavored hard candy, just rememberin’ the hell out of those old TV shows.

And, speaking of candy: Sixlets are so much better than M&Ms. If they would manufacture Sixlets with peanut butter in the middle, I would keep a box next to my computer and devour them by the sleeve.

I used to work at this mom and pop video store a couple of years ago. If only I’d made enough to buy up all the random Pound Puppies, Jem and the Holograms, Barbie and the Rockers and whatever else leftover 80’s VHS’s and the huge pile of Nintendo cartridges the people of Gladstone, MI couldn’t appreciate.. I’d probably make like a $5 profit on eBay. Seriously, that place was a goldmine. They had this dusty cardboard cutout of Michael Jackson from the Thriller days that I let my friend steal out of the basement. He walked 10 blocks with Michael in tow. Ahh the bittersweet days of Front Row Video.
I was smart enough to steal a Super Nintendo that nobody missed. I still have it even though Front Row Video is written all over it in permanent marker.
But yea, if anyone is ever in Gladstone, MI, which is rather unlikely, go to Front Row Video because they have King Ralph posters, dusty 80’s VHS’s for sale, and Nintendo cartridges for sale a plenty.

I forgot the point of that last post. When I worked at FRV they had this collection of that Dinosaurs tv show and since we could watch whatever we wanted I put them in a lot more than the customers in Gladstone could understand. I consider myself a martyr for Dinosaurs. I can’t count how many times I’ve defended the brilliance of it. Like ‘Problem Child 2′, it’s a revolutionary piece of cinematography.
Oh. And I’ve never eaten a Moon Pie. Or seen one up close that I can remember.

So….SDT?
Having a lazy day watching the original Kong juxtaposed with I Heart Huckabees and now I want to go see new Kong again. Naomi Watts is so charming!
"She said Fuckabees!"

Hey everyone–here’s a rarity–me on the internet on Saturday!!! Actually, I was just checking my email. I’m going to the Borgata tonight for dinner and gambling. LOL–we’ll see if I win anything. I’m only going to spend $40–and that’s a promise. I’ll have to play my lucky "Saturday Night Live" slots.

Nome de X-E: kingklash aka Optimal_Illusion (Fark only)
Location: Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down your pants.
Ethnicity: Native American (Four tribes, no waiting)
Quote: "Where de white wimmin at?"

Hey! Speaking of pewter/lead/titanium miniatures, maybe you should unearth some of the D & D stuff that was so prevalent in the 80’s… That would be fun!

Ok, the Kroger down the street from me has a huge ass display of the new Moon Pies, with the strawberry variety, plus orange, lemon, and some other fruity type flavor that I forget. I just couldn’t bring myself to try them. I’ll stick with the good old fashioned chocolate, or the banana, which I looove but are impossible to find (except at the dollar store of course!).

Mmmm pink toe nail polish on a moon pie. That looks glamorous! I would probably eat it at the Oscars or maybe at a Victoria’s Secret photo shoot.

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