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New Article: Book Reports. Plus Turtle Comms!

If you can believe the rumors, there might be a new, normal, regular X-E article up. Book Reports is its name, and its game is reviewing five different children's books that for one reason or another manage to make me turn glee into a verb and glee my way to Happyland. Everything from the Berenstain Bears to the Jolly Green Giant to God and dinosaurs, all in one space, with yummy parchment background. Enjoy.

In other news, I received a package the other day from my editor at Box Office Magazine, and assumed it was just another in a long line of "generic" gifts companies send to their clients and cohorts. This would've been fine by me: A gift is a gift. But something tells me that vintage TMNT Turtle Comms aren't something companies send in mass to their contacts...

As it turns out, my editor had this baby and figured I might like it, and I figure she's right, because I somehow never landed myself a Turtle Comm toy in all my years of Turtleing. It's neat. Comes with all of these character cards with specific Morse codes that let you contact them, or at least, let you pretend you're in contact with 'em. I can't believe I now have the means to play Walkie Talkie with Usagi Yojimbo, and this is definitely the kind of gift that'll get me to lower my rate on articles written at 3 AM the night before a 9 AM deadline. Thanks, C!

She even included a note saying that she liked the 2005 Advent Calendar, which is my perfect segue into answering the question of a few who asked: Yes, it's been archived, and it can be found here. Will put the archive on the headlines list on the main page as soon as I write up the descriptions.

3 Stupid Things I'm Currently Into:
1) King Kong lore. Bit by the bug after seeing the remake (which was excellent), I've been immersing myself in All Things Kong. I'm really fascinated with the many interpretations of what goes on on Skull Island, and that's reason enough to see virtually all Kong-related films ever made. Next on my list is Son of Kong, and from what I've read, I think this will be one to review on the site.

2) Metroid Prime Pinball, for the Nintendo DS. Bought this baby with a Christmas gift certificate, because the holidays are the only time my video game library ever grows. This is one addictive little bitch. I'm a sucker for virtually every pinball game I've ever played, and this one doesn't disappoint. The Metroid theme is in more than just music and graphics, too. Heck, you don't shoot a ball, you shoot a rolled-up Samus who occassionally spreads out ot shoot demon bats with high energy beams. Between this and Mario Kart, I have found my offerings to the gods of procrastination.

3) The Secret Life of Lobsters. I'm really not sure where this book is going yet. It's obstensibly about the lobsters of Maine, but I may have been tricked into reading a novel about fisherman and scientists trying to find common ground. Not really sure yet, but they dangle the big claws often enough to keep me interested.

Posted by Matt on 01/04/2006. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 194 comments

Allison

Congrats on the interview! And here I always thought that when a company told you that they "kept your resume on file", they really just burned it.

I’m working at Traffic.com now, which has CBS3 as a client, although I am no longer producing for Bob. Instead, I’m gathering traffic info for Denver, CO (but doing it from their Phila. office).

Want to know why?

The non-compete contract I was forced to sign to get the job at metro in the first place prevents me from directly competing with them for a year.

Yeah, in other words, they not only laid me off, but also said that I couldn’t work Philly traffic at Traffic.com because I’d be competing against them. I was never important enough to get full-time pay or, after September, even keep employed…yet if I wanted to hone the talents I learned elsewhere after THEY made the decision to terminate my employment…then all of a sudden I can’t do such a thing.

Chestnuts roasted by Mike @ 01/05/2006 7:14 PM

My elementary school did the Troll Book Club/Fair as well. I used to LOVE buying the books from the form–my mom always let me get 4 books at a time. I always loved those order forms–and I still read alot. My parents got me "The World According to Mr. Rogers" for my graduation. I love stuff like that! My mom bought it though–it was definitely her personal touch.

My favorite books are pop culture stuff–my favorites are "Jump the Shark," 2 SNL books–the uncensored tell-all expose of "Saturday Night Live," "Saturday Night Live: Equal Opportunity Offender," by former NBC Censor William Clotworthy, and all five of Dennis Miller’s Rants series. The fifth is an audiobook, which I downloaded onto my iPod from iTunes.

Did anyone here ever read "Disclosure"??? I read it in 12th grade, and my mom REFUSED to let me take it to school–I was already a geeky kid–she said an 18-year old taking a sexually explicit book to study hall wouldn’t be appropriate. So, I had to read it at home. That’s fine–I didn’t feel like hearing everyone making fun of my sophisticated reading material.

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 01/05/2006 7:22 PM

Isn’t that technically illegal on their part, Mike? They’re basically not allowing you to work. But, I guess if you’re working, that’s all that matters, right?

I’m one of those theorists that says that when they claim to keep your resume on file, they actually shred it while they laugh hysterically at your horrible misfortune. Wow, that sounded dramatic.

That really sucks about what they did, making you sign a no-compete and all, but maybe after a year they will give you Philly traffic.

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 01/05/2006 7:27 PM

Yeah, technically it was illegal. And, minus Metro of course, all sides agreed that Metro would have gotten laughed out of court had it come to that.

Problem is, none of the companies involved that could have gotten me producing Philly traffic under a different umbrella than Metro felt like going to court. Would have been much easier for them to just assign a new producer already in-house than hire someone who comes with "baggage" and spent money/time in court.

But yeah, what counts is that I didn’t completely scare off Traffic.com…I’m still able to work for them, doing any job in any city…except Phila.

Besides, Traffic.com rules in the sense that it’s giving me full-time and benefits…something Metro never did…yet I (and everyone else who was ever employed and laid off by them) signed the Non compete under the (false) pretenses that our jobs WOULD turn into fulltime.

Yeah, to anyone else who’s reading this, go to http://www.traffic.com for your traffic information; they produce up-to-date traffic reports for every city in the country and give you the info for free.

DON’T use Smartraveler or Shadow or Metro or anything else like that.

(Sorry for the plug…I just want Metro to suffer)

Chestnuts roasted by Mike @ 01/05/2006 8:04 PM

I can’t remember most of the books I used to read as a kid. There were a LOT of them, I was a big reader.

I do remember I really liked The Very Hungry Caterpillar for many years past the point where I should get that enthused about a counting book.

But, most of the ones I remember are the ghost story books. One in particular that I owned and read again and again was http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0689501129.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg">Grandpa’s Ghost Stories. Each chapter, the little boy ends up in a new predicament with different monsters. At one point, which I remember best, he is carried off by a giant disembodied hand, and taken to a furry house. I always loved the illustrations in that one.

Another series, that I took out of the library over and over were the http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0064401707/ref=pd_bxgy_img_a/103-1223561-5558211?%5Fencoding=UTF8">Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. The stories in them weren’t particularly frightening to me, because I was a pretty macabre kid, watching B-horror movies on TV with my mom before I started school. What really got me were the illustrations. They were these weird pen and ink and watercolor drawings that looked like something from your semiconcious. They would be clearly representative of something, but would trail off in places to allow your imagination to fill in. Awful, hairy, creepy, dark things seemed to be just beyond what you could see. My favorite illustration was for a story about the fatal prom dress (a girl rents a dress, ends up passing out and dying at the dance, the dress was from a dead girl, embalming fluid from it seeped into the renter’s skin as she sweated at the dance). The picture was ostensibly of a dress on a hanger, but it gave the impression of someone in it, that it was half decaying at the bottom, and there was a half-seen leg coming down from the bottom. Creeped me out. I always was a little scared to be home alone whenever I had one of those books out.

Years later, when I was in college, I saw the complilation of all the Scary Stories books (including one that came out after I had stopped reading them) and I bought it. I ended up taking it to my parents house, because having it in my room at college was creeping me out. I couldn’t sleep well knowing it was sitting on my shelf.

Yep, that book still can creep me out. I loaned it out to my cousin’s ten-year-old daughter. I haven’t had a chance to ask her if it is keeping her from sleeping.

Chestnuts roasted by mags @ 01/05/2006 8:07 PM

…not that I’m bitter, of course, haha.

Honestly, I wish no permanent ill will towards Metro or anyone else…I guess they just did what they had to do.

Chestnuts roasted by Mike @ 01/05/2006 8:25 PM

Oh wow, I’d totally forgotten about so many of these books from my childhood! I liked the Berenstein Bears alot, probably because my grandparents always had kids books that enforced manners, like Richard Scarry’s Best Books of Please & Thank-You Ever, or something. Nothing against Richard Scarry, he’s totally my favourite.

I also loved those Jolly Postman books, with all the envelopes and stuff? And of course, "junior novelizations" of random movies and cheap tv shows – always a classic. With eight colour photos!

Chestnuts roasted by Lizzy @ 01/05/2006 8:38 PM

My parents still have all of our Berenstein Bears and most of our Golden Books at their house. We’ve been getting Berenstein Bear books for at least 20 years. Mom wrote mine and my sisters’ full names on the inside front cover of one of the oldest books (I think it’s "In the Dark"), and according to it, I was 6 when the book was purchased, one sister was 5, and the other was so little, her age isn’t listed. Yes, we had "Junk Food"; it wasn’t my favorite (I thought "Vacation" was hilarious), but it was cute, especially since I’ve had similar problems with weight battles.

Like Matt, I still read children’s books quite frequently; unlike Matt, I’m a big reader, mostly mysteries and adventure stories. I collect "American Girls" books and will still occasionally read Nancy Drew when I’m feeling nostalgic.

I do remember the Turtle Comn, but we never had it. We loved the Turtle cartoons and movies, but we never had the toys (Mom might have said we were too old by then or we just were more into the cartoons and movie).

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 01/05/2006 8:55 PM

I remember those old Berenstein Bears books, I had lots of them when I was a kid. I also had lots of those Peanuts Encyclopedia things where they have facts on science and other stuff with Peanuts characters doing things. But I always liked the Where’s Waldo ones best.

Mama Bear looks like that old woman in those Tom and Jerry cartoons that tells her Thomas to sto pbeing a bad cat. You never see anything above her waist, but the clothes are somewhat similar.

Chestnuts roasted by mjf7583 @ 01/05/2006 8:58 PM

I found the comment on pee-wee’s playhouse funny because I had a friend who stopped showing up to CCD in second grade. When we questioned her as to why she stopped coming, she told us that she could not attend because she was missing pee-wee’s playhouse. She’s going to hell, and Pee-Wee will be right beside her.

Chestnuts roasted by Amy @ 01/05/2006 9:03 PM

I stopped going to church when Nickelodeon had the Sunday morning line up of Rugrats, Ren and Stimpy and Rocko’s Modern Life….good times.

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 01/05/2006 9:15 PM

Allison, I had CCD with Sister Mary Ruth who used to grab my very long hair and tell me she was going to cut it off "because only harlots had long hair"… I had to deal with her from 3rd – 6th grade. Wow CCD was awesome!

Chestnuts roasted by J @ 01/05/2006 9:18 PM

I stopped going to church after that time Lonnie threw my shoe out the window so I kicked him in the balls. Ah, sweet retribution….

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 01/05/2006 9:55 PM

JLALRC-

Currently, a Teddy Ruxpin comeback is planned! Teddyruxpin.com has a preorder up…supposed to be available for Christmas, but delayed till Feb. DVD;s of the cartoon available this month! yay!!

Now, back to your normal posts…

Chestnuts roasted by Terror Claws Cole @ 01/05/2006 10:07 PM

I too had one of those Turtle Comms. I adored the thing, and I remember irritating my entire family with the loud-ass ‘morse code’ beeper.

Chestnuts roasted by Timmy @ 01/05/2006 10:20 PM

I got one of those for one of my firends on his B-day. Back then, we were so stupid that we were actually expecting that you could really speak with the likes of Leonardo and the others. Kids may be able to kick our asses, but they’re still fantasy-believing idiots.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 01/05/2006 11:25 PM

It’s a rare occasion that I actually owned one of the ole school toys around here, but I had the hell out of that Turle Comm. I can hear that morse beep right now.
I just finished a semester of Language Arts in early childhood ed, which meant lots of children’s books. Lots and lots of children’s books. For my final project I got to read Curious George Rides a Bike to the class using a monkey puppet I named Coconut. Oh yeah.
I’m way into Kong since seeing the current incarnation as well. I went into it expecting cool in the form of Jables rocking it 30′s style and nifty CGI but it walked out all weepy and heart warmed and devoted. I guess I wasn’t counting on my predisposion to love gorillas in all forms, especially vaudeville loving ice skating ones. I have the original version sitting on the Teefaux, just waiting for the right evening…got The Frighteners sitting on there too for the additional Peter Jackson-age.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 01/05/2006 11:39 PM

I love the CCD memories. CCD was so totally random/bizarre, based on the stories I’ve heard talking about it with my friends who suffered through it as well.

Here is what we did in CCD, which met on Sunday mornings for preschool-6th grade, Wednesday mornings for 7th grade on:

–Watch a really bad series of videos called McGee and Me
–Watch a really bad video every year called Camp Sacrament
–Make patron saint t-shirts with puffy paint
–have sex ed night in eighth grade
–had a "celebration of reconciliation" in which we were handed an ancient, mimeographed examination of conscience in which "writing in textbooks" and "throwing food in the cafeteria" were both listed as sins you could sort of check off on a little list (other notable entries: "smoking" and "making a sibling cry")

and now for the truly bizarre…
–my seventh grade ccd teacher told us to prepare for a "special" night in which we brought snacks and she would share something very special iwth us. what she did was hang six pack pop rings from the ceiling (a bunch of them all tied together, this is hard to describe) and light them on fire so they sort of slowly burned WHILE PLAYING JOHN LENNON’S "Imagine"

"imagine there’s no heaven…" AT CCD.

so, i kind of ended up confused, to say the least.

Chestnuts roasted by Kate @ 01/06/2006 1:28 AM

Norbs here, and I’m late to this once again.

I was wondering what the hell the Troll Book Club was, but reading the comments….DAAAAAAAAMN!!! Now I remember! I ordered many a book from there, and went to several a Book Fair (even when it changed over to Scholastic Book Fair/Club)

I don’t really remember Too Much Junk Food, but I probably have read it at some point in my childhood. I DO remember Too Much TV, as well as the one where Sister Bear develops the habit of chewing her nails. (a habit which has sadly come full circle to me in the past year) Speaking of which, why on earth did Mama & Papa name Brother Bear "Brother"? Did they know they were gonna do the Horizontal Monster Mash again in the near future?

I DID have a Teddy Ruxpin, and not once did I catch a "Chucky" vibe from it. (that honor went to this stuffed gorilla that was owned by my mom that she put in my Toy Chest. I couldn’t sleep for 6 years in fear that it would come to life and kill me in the middle of the night. Then it got sold at a garage sale and I’ve been a lazy ass ever since.)

Anyways, Nice article once again, Matt!! :D

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 01/06/2006 2:02 AM

Invader Norbert: In the first book, "The Berenstein Bears and the New Baby," Sister Bear is born and until she is, Brother Bear is called "Baby Bear."

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 01/06/2006 2:28 AM

Mars

Heh. Interesting.

Also, I too am an escapee of CCD, and I’ve had it both on Saturday Mornings AND Weeknights (I forget which one). It had its shares of ups and downs, with the Saturday one being that I had ot get up early as well as missing Saturday Morning TV (Pee Wee’s Playhouse was long gone when I went in). And weeknights were crap because even though both classes dragged on and on and on…and on, that I couldn’t finish my homework on that night.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 01/06/2006 2:44 AM

Okay, maybe it is the lack of sleep talking, but I laughed harder than I have in years at your review of TOO MUCH JUNK FOOD.

I don’t know why, but you sir, deserve some kind of award.

Chestnuts roasted by AJ @ 01/06/2006 7:12 AM

It’s good to see I’m not the only person reading and collecting children’s books. I actually own a tapeless Sprout’s Valley Adventure too, and I laughed my ass off all through it. My greatest recent finds are four ALF kids books… oh yea. And my fav Bernstein Bear book is the when they Get the Gimmes. Awesome stuff.

Chestnuts roasted by Mattman @ 01/06/2006 8:29 AM

Even if that Tarzan guy is supposed to be Noah’s son, that doesn’t explain why he’s dressed like that.

Oh man, Too Much Junk Food‘s art reminds me of the jelly beans from this Muppet Babies book I had. They looked so damn good. Enough to make me chomp down every red jelly bean I saw, even though they were most likely cinna-satan flavor.

Chestnuts roasted by RewolfJ @ 01/06/2006 8:53 AM

gonna be off topic. . .
anyone watch The Office last night? I am starting to look forward to it as though it’s a soap opera. Dwight steering the boat at the end was priceless.

I remember the book clubs, but I went to private Christian elementary school, so the noah book may have been on the list. I always wondered why the Catholic kids went to church so often. I guess now I know. Kinda.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 01/06/2006 9:25 AM

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 4th, 2006 at 8:41 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.