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01/04/2006: New Article: Book Reports. Plus Turtle Comms!

If you can believe the rumors, there might be a new, normal, regular X-E article up. Book Reports is its name, and its game is reviewing five different children’s books that for one reason or another manage to make me turn glee into a verb and glee my way to Happyland. Everything from the Berenstain Bears to the Jolly Green Giant to God and dinosaurs, all in one space, with yummy parchment background. Enjoy.

In other news, I received a package the other day from my editor at Box Office Magazine, and assumed it was just another in a long line of “generic” gifts companies send to their clients and cohorts. This would’ve been fine by me: A gift is a gift. But something tells me that vintage TMNT Turtle Comms aren’t something companies send in mass to their contacts…

As it turns out, my editor had this baby and figured I might like it, and I figure she’s right, because I somehow never landed myself a Turtle Comm toy in all my years of Turtleing. It’s neat. Comes with all of these character cards with specific Morse codes that let you contact them, or at least, let you pretend you’re in contact with ‘em. I can’t believe I now have the means to play Walkie Talkie with Usagi Yojimbo, and this is definitely the kind of gift that’ll get me to lower my rate on articles written at 3 AM the night before a 9 AM deadline. Thanks, C!

She even included a note saying that she liked the 2005 Advent Calendar, which is my perfect segue into answering the question of a few who asked: Yes, it’s been archived, and it can be found here. Will put the archive on the headlines list on the main page as soon as I write up the descriptions.

3 Stupid Things I’m Currently Into:
1) King Kong lore. Bit by the bug after seeing the remake (which was excellent), I’ve been immersing myself in All Things Kong. I’m really fascinated with the many interpretations of what goes on on Skull Island, and that’s reason enough to see virtually all Kong-related films ever made. Next on my list is Son of Kong, and from what I’ve read, I think this will be one to review on the site.

2) Metroid Prime Pinball, for the Nintendo DS. Bought this baby with a Christmas gift certificate, because the holidays are the only time my video game library ever grows. This is one addictive little bitch. I’m a sucker for virtually every pinball game I’ve ever played, and this one doesn’t disappoint. The Metroid theme is in more than just music and graphics, too. Heck, you don’t shoot a ball, you shoot a rolled-up Samus who occassionally spreads out ot shoot demon bats with high energy beams. Between this and Mario Kart, I have found my offerings to the gods of procrastination.

3) The Secret Life of Lobsters. I’m really not sure where this book is going yet. It’s obstensibly about the lobsters of Maine, but I may have been tricked into reading a novel about fisherman and scientists trying to find common ground. Not really sure yet, but they dangle the big claws often enough to keep me interested.


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Discussion Thread: 194 comments

Lori- I LOVED Fred Savage. Get this- I wrote him a fan letter when I was 10 (the first line read, "Fred Savage, you are DYNAMITE!") When I was 13- 3 YEARS later…he wrote back! With an autographed photo! WAY off topic, but had to share.

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 01/09/2006 11:24 AM EST

I used to order "Dynamite" and "Bananas" magazines from book clubs way back in elementary school. Those days, we would get excited when we would get a square, cardboard record in a magazine, or on the back of a cereal box. We were easily amused at that age, in that age. But those were also the days of Melting Grimace ads and Brady Kids cartoons, so it’s all kind of a blurr.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 01/09/2006 12:00 PM EST

Muppet Baby: …he wrote back! With an autographed photo!

I once wrote to Mister Rogers and he sent me an autographed photo and everything too. I think I still have it somewhere back home too.

Ghosted by Gozer @ 01/09/2006 12:09 PM EST

I am lovin’ this book conversation. I remember a ton of the books you guys are talking about. Scary Stories illustrations scared the bejesus out of me, too, though some of the stories I liked and wasn’t that scared of. I remember the one about the people who picked up a Mexican dog that turned out to be a giant sewer rat. Though the one about the girl who had spiders hatch out of her face absolutely killed me. I’m deathly afraid of spiders…maybe that’s why! And I loved Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle! I remember the Mr. and Little Miss books, too.

Stacey: I think you’re talking about Fear Street? I loved those. Those were my first dive into horror and they used to scare the crap out of me. I bought one at a thrift store recently, read it in like half an hour and was severely disappointed to see that it wasn’t all that great. Ah well…

Bright Noah et al: The guy who wrote the My Teacher is an Alien books, Bruce Coville, is actually the son of a family friend. I read all of them too, and all I remember is the part where the kid notices that the teacher is staring directly at the sun. It’s gotta be in the first book. I don’t know why, but I still remember that part. It’s too bad that Bruce Coville is a jerk, though…my mom and I went to see him speak on a small panel I think when I was a senior in HS and figured he’d actually talk to us since we know his father and stepmother and we’re from the same town (though he doesn’t live there anymore)…he acted alternately like he’d rather be banging his head up against the wall and that he was way too important to talk to us. And that pissed me off. Dick.

But speaking of books and stuff…I remember these books that we got in kidnergarten to teach us the alphabet…each letter had a little weird guy or girl to go along with them, and I think they were called like Mr. X or Miss Z or whatever…at least some of them came with an inflatable doll of the Mr. or Miss thing, and I think it might have been a different little toy like that every time. Does anyone have any clue what I’m talking about? It’s been bothering me on and off for years and I just now remembered it again.

Ghosted by Nicole @ 01/09/2006 12:18 PM EST

Oh yeah, well *I* once wrote to Jim Davis, and I still have the letter tucked away in a drawer currently in arm’s reach. I didn’t get a photograph, but I got a typed personal note on Garfield stationary with an autograph on it. You can tell it’s real and not printed by the way it bleeds through the paper. Plus the paper is watermarked.

Ghosted by Mystie @ 01/09/2006 2:06 PM EST

Shoulda mentioned this a week earlier, but one guy thanking you for the link to the advent calendar reminded me…

Happy New Year, Matt! Looking forward to more retro comedy and digging up the not-too-distant past from you! Sigh, 2006 already. In not too long, today’s kids will be cynical adolescents and college kids reminiscing about Dora the Explorer and the bastardized English version of Yu-Gi-Oh or whatever the deuce it is the young ones are interested in these days.

And BTW, I too felt the illustrations of the Scary Stories books were the creepiest part of them. Scariest illustrations I can think of, especially the guy’s control over a pen and realistically rendered black-and-white watercolors. I can’t think of much more haunting (so to speak) pics of rotting zombies, bloodstained objects, and ghosts straight from the bowels of hell.

Ghosted by Andrew @ 01/09/2006 2:42 PM EST

Hey everyone! So who here listened to Howard Stern on Sirius this morning? What did everybody think?!

Personally…I loved it! I can’t believe they got George Takei! And he’s so open about being gay, not to mention genuinely funny and quick…well I think he’s perfect for the show.

I’m curious to see what my fellow X-E fans thought of it, and the hype surrounding the whole thing. I realize this is not a Howard Stern bbs, but this is the only one I check or give a shit about. X-E readers are a bright bunch, and I think I remember reading somewhere that Matt is a Stern fan, so…anyway, what did you think?!

Ghosted by Antenna Villain @ 01/09/2006 3:01 PM EST

Nicole,

Now that you mention it, I totally remember those from kindergarten! How weird. Yeah, there was a whole bunch of crap for each letter, games and stuff to play. I still remember each of us having to come up with something that started with that letter and paste it to a piece of paper. When "F" came around, we all had pictures of Farrah Fawcett.

Funny that they still used those when you were in school! They must have had a tight budget. (I went to kindergarten in 1980.)

Ghosted by schroeder @ 01/09/2006 3:06 PM EST

does anyone remember the book sideways stories from wayside school, that was a great book. i know it sounds dorky but when i was in grade school in philly i use to love when we got to go to the school library and pick a book. it would be like once every 2 weeks. and it would take like an hour and after u picked your book you would have to sit on the floor until everyone picked a book.

Ghosted by pdac @ 01/09/2006 7:08 PM EST

pdac- I remember the kid with a learning disability who had his own little math system and the halloween party when a kid comes to school all dressed up and he’s the only one in costume. The whole party was that the kids ate a cookie and then class resumed. He was sent home to change and then he came back to school with green hair because that was his natural hair color. And that’s all that I remember from sideways stories from wayside school.

Ghosted by Darth Poop @ 01/09/2006 7:22 PM EST

Muppet Baby – I believe that I have seen the film The Secret of Nimh, thanks to Cartoon Network.

Posts back2back boo

Ghosted by Darth Poop @ 01/09/2006 7:25 PM EST

I LOVED Sideways Stories and Wayside School is Falling Down…I read a couple of Louis Sachar’s other books, though I’ve never read Holes and have heard it’s good.
New semester means new classes and new assignments, including one I’m going to pick brains for. I have to report on a children’s book that is either about art or an art concept. Anyone have a fav to recommend?

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 01/09/2006 8:45 PM EST

schroeder, that is weird that we both remember those things, because it had to be 1987 when I was in K. It’s entirely possible my school used it for seven years…my elementary school was just one hallway with classrooms on either side, a cafeteria that doubled as the gym (the tables and benches folded up into the wall) and it was K-4. Eventually they put in the "portables" as we called them, which were basically just two small mobile home trailers that they put the 4th graders in. My brother’s last year of elementary school, they moved him to the other one in the district and closed that one down. Then, they fixed it all up and now they send the delinquents who get thrown out of regular school there. It’s called the "Alternative" school. Every time I drive past it now I’m filled with hate–we had rusty swings and falling bricks and those damn troublemakers have it better.

squee, a good children’s book about art is From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. I have always loved that book.

Sideway Stories from Wayside School! My brother had those books and I read all of them, even if I was a little "old" at the time. I always liked the girl with the coat that was way too big, who fell asleep in class a lot. I think her name was Sherri or something close. Man, I could go on about children’s books forever…see what you started, Matt? :)

Ghosted by Nicole @ 01/10/2006 9:19 AM EST

"The Big Orange Splot" by Daniel Manus Pinkwater. It’s about expressing individuality through art, fixing up your house, and the enternal mystery of a sea bird carrying a can of paint.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 01/10/2006 11:51 AM EST

Antenna Villain:

i too am a howard stern fan. totally devoted. loved the new show. loved george takai (sp?). thought it was great. a little shocked with artie using the f bomb a lot but all in all a great show!

i cannot wait until next week to hear the reveal of the revalation owners!

and hooray for jd… finally.

love me some stern. i am surprised no one else commented.

which sirius do u own?

Ghosted by jessica_76 @ 01/10/2006 2:43 PM EST

Somehow my last post got eaten, but those letter characters were called (creatively enough) "The Letter People". All the vowels were female and all the consonants were male. They had a trippy/terrifying puppet show too.

Ghosted by LaGremlin @ 01/10/2006 8:27 PM EST

I remember getting that for a friend in kindergarten (for his birthday) and being PISSED about not getting one myself…

Ghosted by adb @ 01/11/2006 6:19 AM EST

LaGremlin, thank you! I knew I could count on a fellow X-E’r to solve the mystery for me! I found a site for The Letter People and those have to be it…though they aren’t instantly familiar, they do kinda give me that deja-vu vibe. And looking at them, some of ‘em are pretty damn terrifying. Click on my name if anyone wants to see the inflatable depictions of the characters. Another reason why I freakin’ love it here. :)

Ghosted by Nicole @ 01/11/2006 9:06 AM EST

Good Lord that brings back memories. I think those are updated versions of the letter people though, they look too modern. I remember the ones from my childhood being a lot more creepy. But then again, I guess everything seemed more creepy when you were a kid.

In kindergarten, I commited my first crime. I stole a helmet from an action figure because I thought it would fit one of mine, and I clutched it in my hands all day. When I got home, it didn’t fit, so I threw it in my closet and balled.

True Story

Ghosted by Tommy Day @ 01/11/2006 3:50 PM EST

Tommy Day, you might be right…I knew those had to be the right series, but they didn’t look exactly right to me. I distinctly remember being scared to death of the Z guy. And that Z guy looks different. Hmm. Though, it could just be our memories screwing with us, now that we’re all old and stuff. :) I’m now on an Internet quest to find the older ones, if indeed they exist…

Ghosted by Nicole @ 01/11/2006 5:27 PM EST

It’s been a while since you’ve done one of your ‘traditional’ reviews of something like children’s books. It totally made my day.

And, oh yeah, I remember reading the junk food book when I was little (and even when I was probably too old to be reading those kind of books), and being positively enchanted by the way they depicted that junk food. Glad to know I wasn’t the only one!

Ghosted by Stephanie @ 01/12/2006 1:41 AM EST

I had ALL the Berenstain Bear books as a kid, and TMJF was definitely mesmerizing. But my favorite by far was "Bad Dream". The one where Brother Bear is obsessed with a toy line called "Space Grizzlies", which leads Sister Bear to have nightmares about them. I mean, I loved junk food just as much as the next kid, but c’mon, toys were KING back then. I would fantasize about those Space Grizzlies, wondering what their names were, what their accessories were, what their powers were, etc…

Ghosted by Al @ 01/12/2006 3:27 PM EST

Also, as far as children’s books goes, I was a huge Three Investigators fan. Everything about those books was cool… the cover artwork, the books’ titles, the kids’ hideout, the mysteries in question… I never got around to reading all of them, I hope to do so one day.

Ghosted by Al @ 01/12/2006 3:36 PM EST

That’s quite interesting. You can visit this blog for a wonderful experience.

Ghosted by charles @ 01/13/2006 4:24 AM EST

For pink popcorn, try pink elephant popcorn. They seem to not have a website, but I know it exists, I know a bunch of stores you can buy it at…

Ghosted by neongrey @ 01/13/2006 10:00 AM EST

I had a Turtle Comm. I remember that it cost six bucks, and that my idiot cousins stole it.

Ghosted by Alex @ 01/14/2006 12:43 PM EST

I’m taking a Children’s Literature course this comming semester and I really hope we talk about the books that we grew up on. Some of those books were priceless.

Ghosted by Kristina @ 01/16/2006 10:05 PM EST

Hi Matt,

This is the first time I have ever commented here, but I have been enjoying your very well written and amusing articles for about a year now. I hope you do actually stumble across my little comment, as I have a better book for you to read. Its called "The Lobster Coast" and it’s much more interesting than "The Secret Life of Lobsters". I should also add I am originally from Maine, and I am interested in New England history and anthropolgy, so I am a bit biased I guess. Also, I read your article about your trip to Bar Harbor, I know that was a while ago, I hope you get a chance to go to Maine in July, and stick to the mid-coast. Its cooler.

Ghosted by Heather @ 01/17/2006 2:14 AM EST

You’ve got a good list here, but I would like to suggest that The Bernstein Bears and The Messy Room gets honorable mention. Clearly Papa’s split pants provides superior comic relief, but I was so fascinated by Brother’s and Sister’s wide variety of toys, the vastness of their bedroom and Papa’s ingenuity in organization and container creation that I very nearly wished to clean my own room. Also noteworthy: the Kids of the Polk Street School (one of whom was a sheepish bedwetter) or any activity book by Richard Scarey (if for no other reason than their assertion of being the Best _________ Book EVER!).

Ghosted by Steve @ 01/17/2006 2:22 PM EST

What? No Sesame Street’s Grover’s "The Monster At The End of This Book?" Shaaaaame lol

Ghosted by Adam @ 01/19/2006 12:46 PM EST

–>> ..i can call Jesus on my Shell-cell ..

..cowabungalluia ~~ !!

>v<

Ghosted by ~tOkKa @ 01/21/2006 3:22 AM EST

the stupid toy’s’R'us stores are tearing down with 24 stores for real on the in CNN news is that cool!

Ghosted by nickR. @ 01/22/2006 11:51 PM EST

Matt-
It was very touching to find that somebody else out there loved "And Too Much Junk Food" just as much as I did as a kid. You were spot on in saying that the candy in the book brings on junk food cravings. I wished the Choco Yums were real every time I read it.

Ghosted by Barry @ 01/23/2006 6:20 PM EST

I was wondering Matt if you have ever had any material about Popsicle Pete?

Ghosted by Aaron @ 01/29/2006 1:56 PM EST

I distinctly remember owning that Bernstein Bears book and thinking the exact same thing… the illustrations just made me want to eat MORE junk food. They were, in fact, very very appetizing.

It always fills a void in my soul when your articles can touch a part of my life that I had long since forgotten.

Ghosted by Meg @ 01/30/2006 3:46 AM EST

Oh! Do a Little Monsters book someday! Please?

Ghosted by Stacy @ 01/31/2006 2:30 PM EST

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Ghosted by Band @ 02/02/2006 12:31 PM EST

i just went through the closet looking for a book! i knew exactly where it was but went through evrything else first. it is my favorite book! my brother had just died in ‘95 and i was missing this book, 3 months later my cousin wrote me a letter and the book was in the package. i cried my eyes out. the book is: "The Book of GIANT STORIES" by david L. Harrison. just so happens me and my brothers favorite book just happend to be his first name. thanks, i almost went nuts looking for the book. that is the only that keeps me together with him. i especially love the last page with the witch and two frogs.thx

Ghosted by jdizine @ 02/05/2006 5:09 PM EST

I also had a TON of the Berenstain Bears books. My all time favorite was Too Much TV. It helped that it was purple which was my favorite color. Second favorites were Junk Food and Messy Room. I loved the "before and after" pictures of the bedroom. I think I found those books so facinating because they showed me there was this wacky world where there were rules. I grew up as an only child of a single mom in a messy house filled with junk food, multiple TVs kept on day and night and 3 dogs (none of them understood "sit") that jumped on the kitchen table to finish our leftovers. I used to read these books and think about how grateful I was for my Doritos, Twix and Benson reruns. My mom even showed me how to dip the Doritos in Temptee cream cheese to make them even tastier!

My other all time favorite childhood book was Go, Dog. Go! by P.D. Eastman. At the end of the book, there was an illustration showing all the dogs in their hats having a party in a tree top. I used to stare at that picture until I made myself dizzy. I also had some of my moms books from when she was a kid like The Five Little Peppers and How They Grew, Millions of Cats by Wanda Gag and some Little Lulu titles.

Ghosted by OBS @ 02/06/2006 1:47 AM EST

hey matt, berenstein bears books are so good! junk food is one of my favorites.

Ghosted by Anonymous @ 09/15/2006 12:22 AM EDT

Im going to have to take my hat off to the Jolly Green Giant bit in this article. As A child I can remember running through the aisles just to look at him. He was like a green Mr. Clean, so big and friendly. I am also a dinosaur fan as well so this article was of particular interest to me.

As we seem to share views on this, Id recommend you look for the book “Harry and Larry the Fishermen” Its a book about these two cat fisherman who go on a fishing adventure for their whole cat family. My favorite book as a kid, look it up you wont be disapointed.

Love the site, love the articles, keep it up dude.

Ghosted by Meta-Knight Reborn @ 09/17/2006 5:53 PM EDT

Re: guy in picture with Noah. Yeah that’s probably one of his 3 sons. Why is he dressed like that? Cuz the artist drew him like that… Why would the artist draw Noah with multi-layered robes and the son in a Tarzan outfit, I have no idea.

I found it funny no one commented yet that Noah and his son, like most people/stories from the Bible are from the Middle East/Africa and the people should be a lot darker skin toned. Rome/Europe is the central place in Christianity, despite what certain denomination would like us to believe… :-)

Ghosted by HalfBadger @ 10/12/2006 1:12 AM EDT

Ummmmmm…. OH MY GOSH I WANT THAT TURTLE COMM! well a turtle comm! if anyone wants 2 sell theres 2 me (the kid who is 11 yrs old and wants 1 badky) then please email me!: king_kane@hotmail.com! i must have one! even wthout the cards! (well i need at least one card!) :) ok thanx people!

Ghosted by The 11 Year Old Kid! @ 04/30/2007 3:20 AM EDT

I had a turtle com when I was a kid!

Ghosted by TroyG @ 10/26/2008 1:36 AM EST

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