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My Bleeding Eyes.

Everything seemed fine when I got back to work this morning. This being the first day back after a two-week vacation that felt like an eight-month vacation, my natural paranoia had seeped in just after Christmas. I knew I hadn't "tidied up" my projects as well as I could have prior to the vacation, and what's more, I knew I'd left my desk looking like a bomb hit it. There was no real reason to suspect it, but that didn't keep me from thinking that someone, somewhere was going to give me a stern talking to today. Didn't happen. Everything was just as I left it -- except for the eighteen Christmas presents from various people and facilities I've worked with, including champagne, flash drives and two gift certificates that have made me one DS game and a King Kong DVD 3-pk richer. Fuck yeah man.

And then it happened. "Dude, what's with your eye?"

That's what the girl I sit next to said, and that's what the girl I sit next to meant. Apparently, my poor eyes, victims of dirty contact lenses and the residual effects of a weeklong cold, had gone from their normal white to a shade closer to candy apple. Keep in mind, my eyes are always a little red. It's part of who I am, and I can't stop it. But this...this was no normal red. My eyes felt absolutely fine, but they looked like they were absolutely bleeding.

So began an hours-long adventure in trying to hide my eyes from the office. Look, they were really red. The kind of red that nobody could just "deal with." If I struck up a conversation with anyone, there was no way they'd be able to make it through without bringing up this newfound eye trauma. Then again, it wasn't so much them mentioning my bleeding eyes that concerned me -- I just didn't want anyone seeing 'em. I didn't and don't want to be known as the "guy with the freaky alien bleeding eyes." I don't want people calling other people over to look at the "guy with the freaky alien bleeding eyes."

And the more I write about my eyes, the more they're starting to hurt. Think I'll cash out early. Don't tell anyone I left.

2006 is gonna rock if this keeps up.

Posted by Matt on 01/03/2006. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 65 comments

*pat**pat* You go lie down. I’ll take care of things here.

::rubs hands together maniacally::

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 01/03/2006 3:20 PM

Damn Matt, that’s a shame about your eyes. Hope they feel better. I have contacts too, and that happens to me with allergies and related stuff.

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 01/03/2006 3:22 PM

I started out my new year with pinkeye, a bad cold, and no voice. I’m avoiding contact with people because I’d be tempted to share my wealth with them to punish them for not being sick like me.

Chestnuts roasted by devi @ 01/03/2006 3:22 PM

Mystie beat me, but that’s ok, b/c she found that lost closing logo that I was in search of (thanks a million, Mystie, but I’ve thanked you many times over for that scary logo!).

I’m still waiting to see if my two job leads paid off–I’m supposed to know something this week. I hope I don’t get one of those horrible rejection letters in the mail again. I hate those "We liked you, BUT…" letters. And the line at the end about keeping the resume on file for 6 months is bullshit. I swear they don’t keep it–they laugh maniacally while they put it in the shredder.

Devi–I started 2005 with bronchitis and a sinus infection and laryngitis (literally–I was in an urgent care office on January 1st last year). Bad enough–I had to work at the video store that day, and was so tired from having trouble breathing that almost everything after 5:15 pm January 1, 2005 is a blur. I think I slept most of the night during the times that didn’t involve forcing myself to eat dinner, or the couple of times my boyfriend called to check on me (whatta guy!).

The next day, my boyfriend came here to spend the day with me (I was still tired and without a voice, but feeling somewhat better). He came armed with two bags of cough drops. He said they were the best tasting ones–they were Halls Defense in berry flavors–and they were great. Whatta guy!

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 01/03/2006 3:31 PM

My mom has pinkeye this week. Too bad it’s not Halloween or y’all would be set.

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 01/03/2006 3:37 PM

I’m currently going toe-to-toe with a head cold that manifested New Year’s Eve. I should be able to beat it into submission by this weekend. I’ll give it some hope, then down the remaining cold medicines I bought yesterday, pop in a Hallowe’en CD, and have a nice night’s sleep. Meanwhile, I think Matt’s turned into a zombie, and he don’t know it. Just don’t let him bite anyone.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/03/2006 3:49 PM

Hope you get better, but hey, at least you got out of work early. Sounds like a good start to the year to me. You should eat some cheetos and chill.

Chestnuts roasted by cj @ 01/03/2006 3:50 PM

ROFL @ "guy with the freaky alien bleeding eyes."

Chestnuts roasted by eyeless @ 01/03/2006 4:06 PM

I hope your eyes are feeling better soon! Maybe it’s just sleep deprivation and a nice long nap will help. Maybe freaky alien bleeding eyes could become like a cool schtick of yours or something.

Since I missed the Christmas Fallout b/c of my delayed train back home, maybe I’ll take this time to share…
I got exactly what I wanted and then some – a flask with my name on it AND liquor, FOUR toblerone bars and This Book Will Change Your Life. Yesterday’s task was to pretend that everyone you encounter could be the love of your life and to act accordingly. I totally freaked out this guy in the grocery store by winking at him near the meat display. HA.
Happy new year, everyone!!

Chestnuts roasted by Lizzy @ 01/03/2006 4:43 PM

Is it just me or did today’s update have the feel of a film noir / private eye story? Maybe I’ve just been watching too much Sin City.

Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 01/03/2006 4:50 PM

Congratulations, you earned a ticket to this wonderful world I call "The Land Of Those Who Have Fucked Up Eyes"…

My problem two problems are way too many hours infront a PC screen and infinite lack of sleep (4-5 hours a day) which has developed an eye-state as if I was rubbing them with sand paper.

My sight is 100% correct (I could even hunt bunnies if I learnt how to fly) but still I’ll have to wear glasses to protect them from screen radiation and get a hundred sheep to try to sleep more hours…

Blue hair rocks!

Chestnuts roasted by melonian @ 01/03/2006 4:52 PM

Wow, that sounds awful. You gonna go to the Doctor Matt? Oh yeah, 12th yall! Booyah! (I’ve consigned myself to never getting first, so this is it.). Any word on when the advent calendar will be archived? I was telling my friend all about it and he wants to read it.

Get better soon, scary bleeding eyes gu…er Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Terror Claws Cole @ 01/03/2006 5:05 PM

Aw, poor Matt. I feel your pain, buddy…I don’t have alien bleeding eyes, but I do have chronic eye problems stemming from my blepharitis, which is a fancy way of saying that the skin of my bottom eyelids likes to flake off and cause stys and even a cyst that I had to go to the doctor to get lanced (I pretty much had a nervous breakdown and am now even more permanently scarred).

You should get lots of rest, and maybe some Visine or something, and lie around with a washcloth over your eyes. Cool or warm, whichever feels better. You poor thing.

PS: thanks for the email, it was sweet of you to reply, and I’m glad you liked your goodies! I forsee a Wookie Cookie article in X-E’s future. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Nicole @ 01/03/2006 5:08 PM

I had a vile roommate my sophomore year in college who would have coughing fits so severe and so violent that the blood-vessels in his eyes would rupture and his eyes would end up looking fire-engine red for days at a time. I hated the miserable cocksucker, so I find it difficult even today to muster any sympathy for him. Sucks for you though, Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by The Yeti @ 01/03/2006 6:23 PM

My eyes are typically pretty red. It comes from smoking the whoopee weed, folks. But I have a feeling that Matt’s red eyes were even worse than that.

Personally, this New Years was pretty good. Forced my friends to do a way too drunk Jones Soda Holiday Pack taste test. My God. The Salmon Pate Soda literally made me gag and it was A Dick Clark’s New Years’ Rockin’ Eve Miracle that I didn’t puke the nasty crap all over the place.

The actually New Year, I was pretty hung over, so I just stayed in and watched some movies I got from Netflix. Creep (a British horror movie that is pretty much lifted from Mimic) and Cry Wolf, an above average teen horror flick that gets extra points for not being entirely lame.

Buck up, Matt. Worse comes to worse you can get some of those crazy black plastic glasses and start calling yourself Daredevil.

Chestnuts roasted by Chris Martin @ 01/03/2006 6:44 PM

This can’t be good for that beta testing you did last holloween for those creepy contacts.

Hmmm…Bloodshot style…*jots down design notes*

Chestnuts roasted by Mr Mango @ 01/03/2006 6:55 PM

WB Matt!

If my post from the last one was a littbel bit a the bottom, I spent New Years Eve going out to a diner with 2 of my friends, then went to see The Producers (funny as hell). Then for the bib moment it was choosing between the lesser of 2 Evils of Regis singing Christmas Carols or Ryan Seacrest being a total asshole while giving a MAXIMUM time of about 8 minutes to Dick Clarkbot. Of course, I went with the Android/Asshole duo.

But what of the 25th Advert????? For days I was pondering on what It could be and then the calendars dissappeared a few days ago! :(

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 01/03/2006 7:07 PM

Poor guy! Feel betters.
I’m only just starting to beat the lingering cough haunting me from a beaten cold (don’t smoke kiddos)…I spent most of Xmas day in a Vicks Vapo induced coma.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 01/03/2006 7:31 PM

Hey, it could be worse, my hubby got bleach in his eye when he was a teenager, hes very very lucky that there was no damage. I hope your eye looks better soon Matt, I hate it when lots of ppl ask the same damn question over and over again.

Ive had a pretty busy new year so far, my 3 month old son and I are helping to take care of my cousins newborn twins, after she had her babies she found out she has cancer so shes been real sick. Shes in good sprits so thats good, and her babies are so cute and small, I enjoy helping out.

Chestnuts roasted by IHAQ @ 01/03/2006 7:42 PM

I’m a fellow contact/red-eye sufferer (is that a word?) My eyes are always a bit red and sometimes when my contacts act up my eyes go full on bloody, but as the doctor says, it’s not pink-eye it’s just severe irritation, and it happens to me once every couple months and it’s gone the next day.
I think you can find who your true friends are when your eyes are bleeding. Ever notice how the majority of the public will stay at least 10 feet away from you if they even suspect you have pink eye?
Plus with constantly reddish/bloodshot eyes it’s a pain in the ass convincing people i didn’t just smoke a joint.

Hope your eyes clear up man, I feel your pain.

Chestnuts roasted by WonKa @ 01/03/2006 7:54 PM

An auspicious beginning, to be sure. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 01/03/2006 8:18 PM

Ouch, Matt, I hope your eyes clear up soon! My New Year’s was absolutely unexciting – watched football with my parents, then hung around online before going to bed shortly after midnight. My friend who spent the last three New Year’s with me couldn’t come down because I worked too late for us to spend any decent time together.

My holiday’s over. I got all the Christmas stuff taken down and packed into new plastic containers (the boxes they were in were falling apart) and set in my room, ready to move with me when I get to my new home about 5 minutes from Philadelphia (on the New Jersey side).

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 01/03/2006 8:39 PM

Wow, lots of eye trouble in the room. I myself, usually wear the two week contact lenses for about 4-6 months. Cause I’m cheap. But when you crack open a new pair of fresh ones they just feel so great.
I am loving 2006 so far. I hope it keeps up. I think I may enjoy the mid winter lulltime this year.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 01/03/2006 9:21 PM

Reading this made my eyes hurt even more than they normally do.

I wear Night and Day contacts that are allegedly good for thirty days of continuous wear and they normally stay in my eyes for a few months at a time. Blinking is usually an excuciating experience for me.

Chestnuts roasted by Dylan N. Madly @ 01/03/2006 9:38 PM

Allison – yeesh! What an awful new year for you! Reminding me that I shouldn’t complain so much :)

Eddie Lightning Frog – pinkeye would be such an easy Halloween costume, too. And you could just go around touching other people’s candy and they’d give it all to you. Hm…

Dylan – my eye doctor wouldn’t let me get those contacts because of the problems they can cause. But even the ones designed to keep eyes from drying out make my eyes dry out. This doctor won’t let me get lazer surgery yet, either. He’s dooming me to glasses.

Chestnuts roasted by devi @ 01/03/2006 9:48 PM

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006 at 3:15 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.