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12/12/2005: My nephew’s letter to Santa…

Advent & Advert Calendars are up to date. I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon with news on the holiday junk food everyone must go out and buy immediately. So get clairvoyant and try to figure out what I’m talking about before tomorrow afternoon, otherwise you’ll fail at buying it immediately. Meantime, click “more” to see my nephew’s letter to Santa Claus, and I swear to God he wrote it. I could not possibly write something this awesome myself…


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 159 comments

My mother just emailed me something cheesy/christmassy. She said it was for the boy, but I think you all will enjoy it too. You have to click on the picture to get it to go to the next page.
CLick on my name.

Ghosted by kb @ 12/13/2005 2:11 PM EST

"it IS funny about the presents from Santa, because my mom is so insistent that she has no idea what the presents are or how they got there. My brother and I are like, come on, we know it’s you guys already, but she’s always like, "OOH LOOK! IT’S A DVD!!" *shakes head*"

Hahaha. . .my mom is the same way. And she still puts the gifts under the tree after we go to bed too. She also wakes us up at 6 am to open them. My mom is crazy, but my christmas still has that magic.

Ghosted by Geoffinsanity @ 12/13/2005 3:02 PM EST

That’s even cooler than my lists. :D

Can’t wait for the next Advent Calendar installment…

Ghosted by BlakeMP @ 12/13/2005 3:14 PM EST

So many of you have talked about "opening" presents from Santa. In our house, the presents from Santa weren’t wrapped so we got a little immediate gratification on Christmas morning.

Ghosted by Mike @ 12/13/2005 4:04 PM EST

Same here – our ‘big’ presents were unwrapped and some smaller ones were wrapped. Immediate gratification on Christmas morning is sweet.

Ghosted by Jessica Marie @ 12/13/2005 4:34 PM EST

Sometime my "Big" presents (if there is one) involve going on a scavenger hunt.

My Trumpet was this way. It was fun, but really annoying…I got back at my parents next year, though…They had gotten new lockers in the band hall, and I got to keep one of the giant cardboard boxes that they came in. We’re talking 7 foot tall, three feet wide and 5 inches deep box. The present itself was about 8 inches long and 2 inches high and wide. Fun stuff.

Ghosted by Cameron T. @ 12/13/2005 5:38 PM EST

>Despite learning "the truth" about Santa Claus at a very early age, I still, at 29, kinda believe in him. I don’t think he’s going to come leave presents for me, but I feel he very well might be there for the kids that really need it. I guess all the Christmas movies and specials have gotten to me. Anyone else still believe in Santa Claus?

Mags.. that is the singular most beautiful thing I have heard in years. Maybe he is.

Ghosted by Sohei Fox @ 12/13/2005 7:47 PM EST

My brother and I are 23 year old fraternal twins, and my mom still writes "From Santa" on our gifts.

As I speak, our gifts from "santa" are piled up in my mom’s room.

Also, I’m going to attempt to write "Twas the Night Before Christmas," Weekend Update style on here for all to enjoy. I can probably also get the version of Jingle Bells from there as well. Both are by Dennis Miller and his incredible alter-ego, played perfectly by Dana Carvey. In Jingle Bells, Tom Hanks joins on as a 3rd alter-ego. Dana Carvey says "Come here, water pic." Great stuff.

Ghosted by Allison @ 12/13/2005 8:01 PM EST

Here is the Dennis Miller-attitude version of "Jingle Bells," as sung by Dennis Miller, Dana Carvey, and Tom Hanks.

All: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh
BABE!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh
[simultaneously running their hands through their hair]
Dashing through the snow

2nd Dennis Miller: In a one horse open sleigh

3rd Dennis Miller: O’er the fields we go

All Three Dennis Millers:
Laughing all the way
[simultaneously doing Dennis' trademark high-pitched "ha haaa" laugh]

Dennis Miller: Bells on Bob-tail’s ring

2nd Dennis Miller: [spoken] Hey, what the hell’s a "bob-tail," cha-cha?

3rd Dennis Miller:
Don’t be a big pain in the ass
Just sing the freakin’ song
Ho!

All: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
BABE!
Oh, what fun …

[The mock Millers lapse into trademark Dennis Miller moves, runing hands through hair, high-pitched laughing, while the REAL Dennis Miller grows increasingly agitated].

Dennis Miller: Enough! Enough! Enough!

All: [finishing the song]
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh!
[spoken]
Guess what, folks? That’s the news and we are out of here!

Ghosted by Allison @ 12/13/2005 8:16 PM EST

Does anyone else imagine Bob’s voice to be that of the horse from Ren & Stimpy?

Ghosted by schroeder @ 12/13/2005 9:24 PM EST

I imagine Bob’s voice like the janitor in Futurama. Bob has simple one word answers like Scruffy. :)

Ghosted by Luis @ 12/13/2005 10:20 PM EST

What is with all of the animals that Knacks is getting this year? Did Old MacDonald have a merger with PlayMobil? What about Noah? I’d be ticked off too.

That’s a awesome letter. I got a letter from Santa one time. I wanted the Ghostbusters trap. I got the proton pack instead with an apology letter from Santa. It was cool to me.

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 12/13/2005 11:27 PM EST

No way! Awesome advent toda..night.

Ghosted by Mattman @ 12/13/2005 11:29 PM EST

How do our advert videos find themselves on other sites? Do other people have the same tapes as Matt? It annoys me when I see other people featuring the exact same Woolworth/Woolco commercial alongside at least three of our other advert entries.

Ghosted by Carri @ 12/13/2005 11:47 PM EST

I noticed the other day that you can buy a "reissue" Early Bird Kit at Walmart, complete with coupons to send away…

Hasbro/Kenner must really need the dough…

Ghosted by Cameron T. @ 12/14/2005 12:05 PM EST

I love the voiceover guy sounding as serious as he possibly can while he says "R2D2. Chewbacca." I can almost hear him turning off the mic & going "What in the hell" for the first time.

Ghosted by Mike Fireball @ 12/14/2005 5:13 AM EST

I’m not sure exactly when I found out the truth behind Father Christmas, though I have vague memories of other kids telling me..
What I do remember, though, is poking away at the little flubs. I’d get a book in my stocking, and it’d say "Love from Mum" inside. Never did get a decent explanation for that, heh.

I managed to milk it until I was 11 or so, making sure I reserved a specific request, passing it off as ’saving’ my family money by getting Father Christmas to bring it. Teehee.

Still, I love the idea of it, and even if the real magic is gone, I can still applaud the principle. Need to dig up the ancient christmas tapes and slap them on repeat for the rest of the month. I’ve had them since I was six or so, know them off by heart. My favourite song was Alphie The Elf, anyone know that one?

Ghosted by onslaught86 @ 12/14/2005 5:16 AM EST

When I was 8, I sooo badly wanted the My Little Pony babies Dream house thing. Any how, i wanted to get on santas good side, so I invited the pariah of the neighborhood kids over to play. It worked!!! Until like 3 yrs later I heard my mom & grandparents arguing about toys

Ghosted by mandy 80s phreak @ 12/14/2005 5:21 AM EST

THE EARLY BIRD COMMERCIAL!!! HOLY CRAP! I looked for years for it….maybe not but still i have always wanted to see it!! Matt…..i love you…..truly I do!…in that way Christmas only allows men to love each other:)

Ghosted by Ralph @ 12/14/2005 6:24 AM EST

You have to love the fact that Matt managed to include a ‘Basket Case’ influence in to the advent calendar. That was an awesome flick.

Ghosted by Ryan H. @ 12/14/2005 7:01 AM EST

could the basket be te lost advent piece?

Ghosted by kb @ 12/14/2005 7:12 AM EST

Matt,

I love the story line this year. So dramatic. On another note does anyone remember the cars that changes into "battle" modes and had little guys with helmets. I think the main character was Matt something and he drove a red camaro? What is this toy line called? Help!

Ghosted by Tigerfan @ 12/14/2005 9:48 AM EST

The Lost Advent Piece was Mare, kb :)

Ghosted by Ryane @ 12/14/2005 9:56 AM EST

Tigerfan The only things I can think of that sound like what you’re talking about are M.A.S.K. and Pole Position (the cartoon)

Ghosted by Double G @ 12/14/2005 10:17 AM EST

GAH!! GIANT BURGER KING!!!

Ghosted by kingklash @ 12/14/2005 11:47 AM EST

Matt…where the holy hell did you find another Waiterbot brain!?

Ghosted by ROBRAM89 @ 12/14/2005 1:46 PM EST

scary… auction

Ghosted by Double G @ 12/14/2005 1:54 PM EST

thanks for the nightmares, Double G

Ghosted by bitchpants @ 12/14/2005 2:30 PM EST

LOL! no joke! I couldn’t suffer alone. All I could think about was Bart saying "Can’t sleep… clown will eat me… can’t sleep, clown will eat me…"

Ghosted by Double G @ 12/14/2005 2:34 PM EST

Scariest auction clown EVER!

Ghosted by Carri @ 12/14/2005 2:48 PM EST

More clown madness…

Ghosted by Double G @ 12/14/2005 3:08 PM EST

Got-damn! That clown-woman freak me the f’ out.

Ghosted by Geoffinsanity @ 12/14/2005 3:11 PM EST

The ones where she tries to sell Penthouse magazines is even more freaky…. Check out all her auctions… you’ll be scarred for life.

Ghosted by Double G @ 12/14/2005 3:16 PM EST

"I tried to model the bras but Clowns don’t make good bra models"

Then the scary clown goes on to detail how she used to love buying bras when she was young but now she doesn’t wear them.

Ghosted by Carri @ 12/14/2005 3:23 PM EST

I just clicked the audio message for the star wars auction. The audio adds to the horror. I thought she was going to eat me through the speakers, or atleast lick me.

Now I have something to do to kill the last 30 mins at work. Thank you.

Ghosted by Geoffinsanity @ 12/14/2005 3:31 PM EST

She looks like the world’s oldest ganguro/manba girl. Never did I ever think that "clown" and "pink" would have ever come together so wrongly.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 12/14/2005 3:54 PM EST

Remember Binky from "Garfield and Friends"? "HEEEEEEEEEEEYY KIDSSS!"

Ghosted by Allison @ 12/14/2005 5:09 PM EST

Ha ha ha ha–over the shoulder boulder holders! Ha ha ha…this clown woman should definitely put out a CD or something. It worked for the Jerky Boys!

Ghosted by psyKlone @ 12/14/2005 5:25 PM EST

Ugh! I just opened my LEGO calendar for today and the box was empty! Sure hope Kuse has better luck…

Ghosted by Rhino @ 12/14/2005 5:45 PM EST

Ugh! I just opened my LEGO calendar for today and the box was empty! Sure hope Kuse has better luck…

Maybe Inky & Waiterbot stole it.

Or maybe it was a LEGO figure, assembled itself, and climbed out. It couldn’t have gotten far! ;)

Ghosted by Invader Norbert @ 12/14/2005 5:53 PM EST

don’t ever watch all the star wars in one sitting. You’ll hate them by the time it’s all over, kenny baker will be burned into your retinas till at least the next day and Anthony Daniels voice will be burned into your ear… uh, retinas.. forever. ugh… not the satisfying results I was hoping for.

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 12/14/2005 5:55 PM EST

Now… when you say "all the star wars" do you mean Episodes 1-6? or just the classic trilogy?

Ghosted by Double G @ 12/14/2005 6:07 PM EST

My family has a tradition of gradually putting wrapped gifts under the tree all throughout December. It is exciting and I wouldn’t do it any other way, but it presented a problem for believing in Santa. When I asked why the presents were out before Christmas, my dad told me it was just empty boxes and that Santa came on Christmas Eve and used his magic to put presents in the already-wrapped boxes. When I got a little older and didn’t buy that, my mom told me that she bought the presents but Santa filled the stockings (believable since the stockings were not filled until Christmas morning). My belief in Santa ended when I found the drawer my mom kept the stocking contents in.

As I’ve mentioned in previous discussions, one of the children I work with is autistic and has a paralyzing fear of Santa. I wish sooo bad that she was old enough to be told there was no Santa, but she’s echolalic and would sit there in a classroom full of 5 through 9 year olds repeating "Santa’s not real" over and over again, which would be disastrous for the other children (the two 9 year olds, incidentally, are both mentally retarded and so are not really "too old" to believe). Maybe when the little girl is older she will actually be able to enjoy Christmas.

Ghosted by jazzy @ 12/14/2005 6:30 PM EST

Now… when you say "all the star wars" do you mean Episodes 1-6? or just the classic trilogy?

As stated above, I watched 1-6 + the clone wars vol 1 and 2 that was shown on Cartoon Network before III came out. Just watching the classic trilogy all in one is something I’ve done a billion times.

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 12/14/2005 6:51 PM EST

I’ve watched the classic trilogy in one sitting, that’s fun to do…I was going to watch 1-6 on a off day during the holiday break, but now maybe I won’t…what do you think about spreading it out over a 2-day period?

Ghosted by Rosella @ 12/14/2005 7:25 PM EST

Watching all 6 has got to be torture!

Ghosted by Double G @ 12/14/2005 7:54 PM EST

In which order did you watch them? "Chronological" or in order of release…I would imagine the order of release is best, because it would preserve the surprise of Empire.

Although it may be better to watch it in chronological order, because if you watch the original trilogy first, it will be virtually impossible to keep your interest through the three horrible prequels.

Ghosted by mtrox @ 12/14/2005 8:08 PM EST

I HATE how Matt’s awesome calendar also coincides with the busiest time of the year- I haven’ t been able to read the blog or the advent in a week! Damn. Oh well, I guess it’s nice to get big, large doses of advent-y goodness all at once. love this blog.

Rosella- Go with a chronological viewing, I think!

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 12/14/2005 8:49 PM EST

He needs a Hunble Bumble/
just sayin////
why are my words underlined????

Ghosted by Kat @ 12/14/2005 8:51 PM EST

Rosella, 2 day period would work really well. Watch a trilogy a piece. I gotta tell you, as bad as the prequels are, they really come off better when seen together.

Double G. It was.

mrtox, I watched it all in chronological order. Im not sure which way is best because like you said the empire thing. Plus seeing yoda get jiggy wit a light saber too early loses his old hermit effect. On the other hand watching it like this makes ROTJ’s ending so much more meaningful.

The biggest problem actually came in A New Hope. Don’t get me wrong, the original kills the hell out of the new ones but when watched like this, A New Hope totally derails EVERYTHING. No yoda, No emperor, Anakin is a robot, obi is a geezer, too many new characters and after what they did in episode III, the Vader Vs Obi fight looks like they’re just playing around like old buds.

That’s all I got right now, I swear Star Wars gave me a hang over and I can’t think well enough to finish any kind of review.

Ghosted by dohopoki @ 12/14/2005 8:53 PM EST

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