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The Saturday Night Thread.

Wow, that's some kickass string of replies you guys put together for the last survey. We usually don't see that kind of holiday jubilation until like, the second week of December. I think you deserve a prize.

This is, of course, the All Day Saturday Thread, which is a lot like the Saturday Night Thread, only posted earlier. Same rules apply. NO fishing.

Survey: Okay, we've heard some of your great holiday traditions in the last thread, and Jesus Christ did they ever fill me with vicarious joy. Now, let's hear the opposite. Let's hear your sucky holiday stories.

Posted by Matt on 11/19/2005. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 242 comments

Ohoho… My mom pretty much kicked me out of the house for the umpteenth time last Christmas. I learned to never go to my mom’s house again. Especially after being tortured with tofu "turkey" last Thanksgiving. It’s not Thanksgiving without the bird.

Chestnuts roasted by Beth @ 11/20/2005 1:14 AM

Man, after reading all of your stories mine doesn’t seem that bad. However, mine happened about 19-20 years ago. On Christmas Eve my family gets together to celebrate and open presents, but that year both our and my grandparents dogs decided they would get out of the yard and run away in the middle of a fucking blizzard!! So my parents and all of my aunts and uncles spent over two hours trying to find them with both my sister and I sitting in front of all our presents unable to open them, despite our begging and pleading to open at least one.

Invader Norbert…..after your last call for help I tried to send you an email but it was returned to me saying that it couldn’t be delivered! The Regional Pack is everywhere around where I live (Thanks to my Mom I just found out today that I have two of them). Send me an email and I will gladly send you a one!!!! My address is JFURIE@COMCAST.NET

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 11/20/2005 1:25 AM

Oops, my email address is actually JFURIE75@COMCAST.NET (sorry I’m jst a tad bit drunk)

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 11/20/2005 1:30 AM

*Fishes…boldly.

Chestnuts roasted by Warx @ 11/20/2005 1:30 AM

Matt, Warx is fishing!

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 11/20/2005 1:33 AM

Life should work like Christmas specials do. That is, whenever you’re having a really lousy time and the clock strikes 12 on Christmas Eve, every neighbor on the block should burst in singing and carrying presents, food and fragrances. "We heard you were having a lousy Christmas, and we just COULDN’T let that happen!" they would say.

And yeah, this thread was depressing me out–up to the point where I read about the 700-pound woman, and now I can’t stop laughing about that.

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 11/20/2005 1:51 AM

I guess I should come clean now and say that I made this whole blog Bold. I thought I opened up an italic tag and I ended up not closing a Bold Tag. Bizzare, yet it beats having the whole thread in Italics.

And to tack on another unfortunate story, the Annual Virgin Sacrifice I mentioned in the last thread went awry a year ago and took out my whole block. Don’t Ask.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 11/20/2005 2:36 AM

Back in Grade School we had this little tradition where the Princepal would dress up as Santa and go to each of the classrooms to hand out gifts. Of course, the parents sent the gifts to the school ahead of time so the kids would always get what they want.

One year (3rd grade, I think) the Princepal (Female, so it was really obvious it wasn’t really Santa) called my name up and gave me a strange, lumpy package. Confused I opened it up in front of my classmates to see what I got.

Playdough.

I HATED playdough when I was little.

Sensing something wrong I confronted one of the teachers. It turned out that Mom had forgotten to send in a gift so I got one of the bitch-presents they give to kids with forgetful parents.

To this day I use it against my Mom during Christmas. I’m evil.

And Christmas pictures. For most of my childhood my parents HAD to take pictures of us with our gifts. Not us opening the gifts. But us sitting there, holding the gifts, looking like an idiot. My brother and I finally made them stop by not smiling for the pictures no matter what for about three years in a row.

And it’s not Christmas-y, but New Years of 2002 sucked when I learned that all through Highschool my best friends threw giant New Years parties that they ‘forgot’ to invite me to. For four years straight. And never talk about it in front of me.

Those bastards.

Chestnuts roasted by Knitter @ 11/20/2005 2:40 AM

I think the worst Christmas story I can recall is when I was expecting a Leonardo toy, and received Rocksteady instead. Although, I must admit, his camo pants are pretty swank.

Chestnuts roasted by Review the World @ 11/20/2005 2:49 AM

That "Sharp" video was easily the most disturbing video I saw today, and I thank you for that Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Kevin @ 11/20/2005 2:52 AM

That "Sharp" video was easily the most disturbing video I saw today, and I thank you for that Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Kevin @ 11/20/2005 2:52 AM

This is all very mellancollie and stuff. Let’s Acc-ent-u-ate the pos-i-tive and e-lim-in-ate the negative. Sorry, I just felt the need to quote that song…and remember…don’t mess with Mr. In-between.

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 11/20/2005 2:57 AM

I forgot! Also up there for suck-Christmas times was the Christmas Eve the year after my Grandmother died. The family Christmas Eve party was always at her house, so it was a bit weird having it at someone else’s.

That wasn’t the suck-part. The suck-part was that the party was held at my Super-Religious-Crazy-Aunt’s house.

Yup. Nothing like bad food, lack of loving Grandma, and an Aunt saying that you’re going to hell for being taken out of Catholic school to ruin the holiday.

Chestnuts roasted by Knitter @ 11/20/2005 2:57 AM

Wow, there are some bad Christmas’s out there. We’ve never really had a bad one. We even had one year where 2 of my family members had the flu but we still made it work out so everyone had fun! I guess this year will be rough as I will be away from my fiance.

However, last Thanksgiving the sink backed up as my Dad was taking a shower and we ended up in our nice clothes trying to fix the damned thing. About a week later a family friend came and helped us fix it. Ended up using some Drano. About 4 bottles of it. Talk about a clogged pipe. We always seem to have something happen on Thanksgiving.

A year before last I ended up sleeping through Thanksgiving and missed meeting my now sister-in-law for the first time. I worked on a project for school for 48 hours, went to see Matrix: Revolutions, stayed up a few more hours, and then fell into the deepest sleep I’ve ever had. We will have to see what this year brings.

Chestnuts roasted by Robertp17 @ 11/20/2005 3:20 AM

The worst Christmas I can recall was probably last year, because my boyfriend and I were on VERY bad terms AND it was our first Christmas together, plus my family was broke so the gifts left something to be desired.

But my family’s most interesting "sucky Christmas" story was the year my grandma bought my mom nothing but powder for Christmas. You know, like that Shower-2-Shower stuff? My mom opened one thing of powder and was like, "Oh okay, cool, thanks". Then she opened another thing of powder, and my grandma goes "Oh did I buy two of those?" On opening the third one my mom started crying and ran out of the room. My grandma wasn’t being mean – my family wraps presents and puts them under the tree as we buy them and she had forgotten what she had already bought and wrapped. The funny part was that on the first Christmas after my grandma passed away (which was a good gift year because my mom and I were trying to ease the sting a little) one of the presents my mom gave me, as a gag gift, was a thing of powder. It was pretty funny.

Chestnuts roasted by jazzy @ 11/20/2005 4:44 AM

My worst Christmas experience was getting the same Slimer bubble bath from three different relatives. Makes me feel like a spoiled brat reading everybody else’s. Then again, I have rotten luck every other day of the year, so I guess it evens out.

Halloween really sucks every year at my house. My mom insists I hand out candy, and do it by myself (but if she has to answer the door while I’m in the john or something, she yells at me about how it’s a two-person job), and we get tons and tons of kids (Our neighborhood was expertly designed, so it’s thought to be the "rich neighborhood"), mostly with bad attitudes or no costume.

Chestnuts roasted by RewolfJ @ 11/20/2005 4:55 AM

My worst holiday was probably the New Year’s Eve I got drunk. Mind, I was only about six years old at the time. My parents let me drink the spiked eggnog, and I must have had at least 6 cups of the stuff, probably more.

Then mom and dad got to stay up with me all night while I puked my guts out. That cured me of ever wanting to get drunk, though.

Chestnuts roasted by Elfinlady @ 11/20/2005 7:29 AM

Man. Upon reading these, I’m coming to realize that I’ve never really had a bad Christmas. I mean, when I was little and we first moved into our new house, we had a couple of years where we couldn’t afford presents because the corn harvest sucked, but it never really ruined the holiday for me. I remember that at least twice, one of my major presents was a certificate un-grounding me about a month early. Yeah, the holidays really brought out the rapscallion in me. But at least I had the sixteen glorious colors of my sweet, sweet, Tandy 2000 back again.
For those years, the only other present we got (besides the chocolate orange…traditional) was a book of coupons. Mom made them, and they could be redeemed for stuff like mom or dad taking care of our chores for one day, or mom making the baked good of our choice, or dad taking my cousin and I sledding for one afternoon.
Side note: in this context, "sledding" refers to an old car hood tied to the back of the pickup by a fifty-foot rope, taken out in the middle of a snowy field, and dragged around at 20-30 MPH while Dad did doughnuts. We had no hills to speak of.
My sister spent all of her coupons by the time we went back to school. I atually managed to hold onto one of my "don’t have to do any chores for an entire day" until the following summer, and used it to get out of loading and unloading thirty tons of hay in the blistering heat. When they had to resort to the coupon system two years later, they all had clearly marked expiration dates at the bottom. Heh.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 11/20/2005 9:02 AM

Back in 1996, I caught a stomach virus on Christmas Eve. Nothing says "Happy Holidays" like vomiting the contents of your stomach. Other than that, my Christmas experiences were mostly pleasant.

Chestnuts roasted by Skrrob @ 11/20/2005 9:15 AM

Jedoc: That sounds a lot more worthwhile than real sledding!

My sister always finds a reason to cry on Christmas morning (she also finds a reason to cry every five minutes. Stubbed toe? Cry. Broken pencil tip? Time to cry.).

One year she got some comfortable-looking lounging pants, and she wanted to try them on and wear them for the rest of the morning. My mom told her she’d "make them stinky" and my sister locked herself in her bedroom for an hour crying.

Chestnuts roasted by mtrox @ 11/20/2005 9:33 AM

My worst Christmas involved my "eviL" grandmother. That morning when it was just her and my parents opening gifts she gave me a silver and amethyst tennis bracelet. I was quite enamoured with it because the presents she gave me usually paled in comparision to the big bucks she shelled out for her other two (much older) grandchildren.

Then when the other relatives showed up, she realized she forgot to get the other female grandchild (who was 25 to my 15 years of age – not that it matters) anything, she repackaged my bracelet in one of those gift bags and gave it to her. She said she would replace it. She didnt.

She pulled this stunt for three year straight, giving me something in the morning, then realizing when other relatives arrived that she forgot to buy for someone else, then taking away my gift, and leaving me mwith nothing. She never replaced squat either.

Oh that, and the year she had really really wanted this Nolan Miller pin and my mom bought it for her, and when she opened it, she said it was garbage and threw it in the trash in front of EVERYONE. It was so humilating for me, and I can only imagine my poor mom. It was what she freakin pined for for months and acted horrible about it.

Ah and the year I was fresh out of the hospital and couldn’t really walk or even pull myself up. My boyfriend and his sisters had to haul me from spot to spot and it sucked. Although he bought me a bunch of video games that year so I stayed in bed and played Final Fantasy X-2 and Disgaea.

Chestnuts roasted by Kittycatgirl @ 11/20/2005 9:40 AM

heh, make them stinky. If my mom told me that, I’d probably cry too :)

My worst Christmas has to have been last year. I had been living in California with my fiance for 6 years, but had flown back to Ohio to spend Christmas with my family each year before that. A couple times he was able to come with me. Because we were getting ready to move back, I decided it was silly to go to the expense of flying back last year when I’d be seeing everyone soon a lot anyway.

So, it was the first Christmas I had spent with just him. He owns his own business so he is extraordinarily busy, and doesn’t seem to be as enamored with the holidays as the rest of us here are. I was feeling lonely away from my family and all of my traditions, and was getting a little sick of being the only one making any effort toward celebrating the holiday. As I was trying to explain that to him, he was only half paying attention to me (working as well), and kept interrupting and talking over me. I may have been a bit hormonal as well :) My brain began to burn in rage, and I guess I kinda Hulked out. Coffee table with a glass top in front of me, Hulk smash!!!! I honestly didn’t think about it breaking before/when I grabbed and threw it over, and was extremely sorry when it did. Ended my rage, and got his attention so he finally listened to what I was saying, tho.

We talked a little about whether I should be sent home to my family for good :) He realized he had been being a bit of an ass about Christmas, tho, (he didn’t even get me a single present to unwrap!) and I think we went out to drive around and look at Christmas lights or something to assuage my holiday withdrawl.

I ended up picking up the holiday spirit by buying an obscene amount of Rankin-Bass holiday special themed toys off ebay, and even got some Charlie Brown Christmas toys at K-mart on sale after Christmas. I can’t wait to put everything up this year, especially my deluxe Santa’s Castle from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, with the lavender color scheme of the original special, and all the figurines of Hermie, Yukon Cornelius, Skinny Santa, and just about everyone else from the special, including my favorite, the pink spotted elephant (never understood why he was a misfit).

Chestnuts roasted by mag @ 11/20/2005 10:16 AM

Geez, most of ya’ll’s "worst" Christmases don’t even come close to equalling mine (not that this is a competition).

My worst was about 4 years ago when I was 22. My mom has had severe depression all my life and is always rather unstable around the holidays. Well, that year, I casually informed my parents and bro that I was going to be moving in with my bf of 4 years and she went BESERK! Started screaming at me that I was "living in sin" etc. Well, after having to sit through many a manic episode all my life, I realized that I didn’t have to put up with it anymore and I packed my shit up and left right then and there (Christmas Eve, mind you) and drove the 8 hours by myself back to NC. My brother called me when I got home and told me that mom was so depressed that she pulled the entire tree down and stomped on all the ornaments and my dad had to clean it all up and throw it out. My mom and I didn’t talk again until March.

So, kiddies, consider yourselves lucky to have good holiday memories, because all the good ones I’ve had, I’ve had to make for myself.

And now you understand why I have been in therapy for the last 6 years. Sorry to be such a downer… :(

Chestnuts roasted by Jillybeann @ 11/20/2005 10:26 AM

I got my wisdom teeth out three days before Christmas when I was 18. Couldn’t eat, and I’ve actually got very little recollection of what actually happened that year due to the enormous amount of drugs I was on for the pain and swelling.

‘Course, I suppose some might consider that a GOOD holiday…

Chestnuts roasted by Pirate7L @ 11/20/2005 10:43 AM

And by "beserk" I mean, of course, berserk.

Chestnuts roasted by Jillybeann @ 11/20/2005 10:54 AM

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This entry was posted on Saturday, November 19th, 2005 at 7:51 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.