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Christmas candies & the dolphin dream.

Dream Diary: I have no idea where this one came from, but it feels like it had to have some special meaning that some dream dictionary will be able to explain to me. Apparently, I had purchased, or inherited, or otherwise obtained...a live dolphin. A huge motherfucking dolphin, more gregarious than Flipper, shinier than silver, who swam to and fro in this big manmade ditch in front of my old house. I loved this dolphin. Because of the nature of dreams and how the relativity of positions and whatnot didn't apply, whatever that means, I was able to chill out with my dolphin as he swam around, but never actually get wet myself. Then someone -- I don't know who, but someone official -- told me that the watery ditch wasn't proper for the dolphin, and that I'd either have to give him up or spend the cash needed for an adequate tank. Realizing that I didn't have that kind of money, I looked at the dolphin and realized that he had to go. Then I woke up. Whenever the fun gets spoiled in my dreams, I wake up. I guess that's okay.

I'm digging this. Christmas Christmas, everywhere, and I've managed to keep myself in check. I'm not blowing my wad with overexcitement before December, and for me, this is a major triumph. Phase 2 of the plan entails me making sure I spread out my remaining vacation days from work adequately enough to not lose the season in a sea of God damned Dora commercials. That said, it's been nice. The Christmas music's been nice. Going to Best Buy and seeing the little special area for holiday-related DVDs has been nice. Thinking about how the apartment we're moving into soon will enable us to have a real dining room for next Christmas is nice. As I write this, Nat's Chestnuts came on the Jukebox. That's nice, too.

I'm also digging all of the new candy, which in some cases isn't so much "new" as it is "back for another shot," but whatever, it's candy with snowflake-drenched packaging, and I'll never fall out of love with that. Shown above are just four of the many things I've picked up recently, including medallion-shaped Nestle Crunch and Butterfinger bars, marked with Santa Claus Is Coming To Town graphics, not just on the packaging, but also on the chocolate discs. York's Peppermint Snowflake just feels right, as nobody has ever eaten a Peppermint Patty in the history of Peppermint Patties and not thought of snow. Finally, Russell Stover's White Chocolate Peanut Butter Jingle Bell is good, but not good enough to warrant a name that takes 45 seconds to type. Click here to see the candies opened and mutilated.

Survey: What are some of your more personal holiday traditions? I know you eat dinner with your family, I know you get presents, I know you try to watch Charlie Brown and your local tree lighting ceremony. But what's some of the more personal ones? One of mine is the Christmas season Sunday newspaper scouring, a ritual that begins the first weekend of November. I just scour the circulars that come with the Sunday papers for anything Christmassy, from Target catalogues with a bunch of red ribbon graphics to one-page offers for ceramic angels with "HOLIDAY" etched over their asses. Your turn.

For more information about dung beetles, click here.

Posted by Matt on 11/16/2005. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 233 comments

Christmas eve my brother and I get to open one gift. It is always a new pair of PJ’s. Then before we go to bed we watch A Christmas Story, we also might throw in the first simpsons episode/first christmas episode. Upon waking up, we have to wait until all the lights are on and the candles are lit and all the music is playing before we open up our presents. In more recent years (I am now 24 and my bro is 18) our mom has woken us up at 6am with every all set, so we didn’t have to wait.

Also, on christmas eve I go to my girlfriend’s house to exchange presents.

This christmas will be extra special this year because it will be the last one that I will be living at home.

Chestnuts roasted by Geoff @ 11/17/2005 9:37 AM


kb, I would be honored to be in your special secret club! What shall we call it? :)

(Hey, have any Jem fans noticed that the little red star thingie that replaced Boo looks like Jerrica’s Jemstar earrings? Heehee.)

Chestnuts roasted by Nicole @ 11/17/2005 9:39 AM


Matt

Heh, born and raised. I always an a feeling you were an Islander, nice to see I was right. :D

Chestnuts roasted by Double G @ 11/17/2005 9:45 AM


I didn’t realize it until this thread, but i apparently have holiday traditions. i wait until the week of Christmas to wrap all of my presents. i wrap them on my livingroom floor while watching "christmas vacation" and drinking some sort of alcoholic beverage. and my best friend and i usually spend at least one entire day at the mall shopping for gifts. no boyfriends or anyone else allowed. that might be the one i like the most since it’s a whole day with just us girls. then, she and i will go to a local bar and come home and decorate her mom’s christmas tree. you haven’t lived until you’ve decorated a chrsitmas tree while you’re drunk! i also go to another friend’s family party every year. good food and yes, more drinking. hmm… i may have to cinsider the fact that i drink too much. nah, it’s the holidays, bring on the rum!

Chestnuts roasted by bitchpants @ 11/17/2005 9:48 AM


Every Christmas after dinner and dessert, and after Grandma goes home, we play a board game. Me, Mom, Dad, Brother and Sister in Law all gather ’round the dining room table and have a good ‘ol time. Most of the time we get a brand new one that day, but if not, we have quite the plethora of choices.

I really hope I don’t have to go in to work Christmas night. That will suck… :(

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 11/17/2005 10:01 AM


Christmas used to start for us the day after Thanksgiving. We’d all pile into the wood panelled station wagon and go pick out our tree. Afterwards we’d get food and hot chocolate. Nowadays the tree farm we always go to doesn’t tag, they open for two weekends and you have to cut your own tree down.

On Christmas eve we always have a huge family dinner. Since half my family is Italian it includes some nice seafood and all. We start the food at like 3 and go all the way into the evening. Then we go to our church’s candle light service. The service was always fun because you could hold flames in your hand without getting into trouble. Well one year someone complained to the fire department or something so now they have these stupid battery powered candle-ish things. After the service we’d cap the night with a family egg nog toast.

Christmas morning we used to start at 6, but it’s slacked off to 8 or 9 now that we’re older. We’d go through gifts by going around in a circle. When it’s your turn you pick out a gift with your name on it. Always kept everything agonizingly slow, especially when my dad faked excitement over the ties or the wallets.

Does anyone else here have the pickle tradition? I think it comes from Germany or something. There’s a green glass pickle ornament that gets put on the tree sometime between us going to bed and waking up. The first one to find the pickle ornament gets a special present. Well, it’s supposed to be special but my dad cheaps out on it. Last year was a paint by numbers of an eagle or something.

After all that we have a great big family breakfast. We’re talking pounds of bacon, mulitple dozens of eggs, gallons of orange juice and egg nog, loaves of bread to make Jesus and the multitudes jealous. Everything gets consumed and then its off to my aunts for all the extended family for the rest of the day.

Every kid was assigned an aunt and we’d get an extra gift from them. We’d run around screaming and terrorizing the dog and the girls. There’s a pond in their back yard that never ceased to provide winter-time amusement. Starting around 1 we’d have another great big Italian meal. The meal usually runs all the way until 5 when the fathers sit down to watch football and fall asleep.

Good times.

Chestnuts roasted by axgop @ 11/17/2005 10:03 AM


axgop

We did the pickle tradition at my Oma’s but never at home. I think my mom tried to do it once and then forgot about it and it kinda fell to the wayside, but when we were kids we’d go over my Oma’s house for Christmas eve and that’s when we’d all look for the pickle ornament.

Chestnuts roasted by Double G @ 11/17/2005 10:08 AM


We used to do St. Nicholas day in grade school. Everyone would bring in a shoe, and then next morning they would be filled with some crappy little gift.

My favorite Christmas tradition is watching the Christmas Story for 24-hours staight on TNT. I wait until about 10 pm on Christmas Eve, and wrap all of my presents while I watch it. Then I get to bed around 3 or 4, get up at 8 and watch it all day until dinner. I look forward to that movie by far the most. I’m watching it and think "hey, didn’t I just see that part". And I realize 2 hours has gone by.

Chestnuts roasted by Y2JB78 @ 11/17/2005 10:20 AM


Greetings all, Seasons and otherwise.

Hokay, it all starts on Thanksgiving. The Parade winds down and Big Red cruises up Turkey Canyon. CHRISTMAS!!! The CD’s go on. (My personal fave song is "A Christmas Long Ago" by the Echelons.) Then it’s outside. We begin the decorating blitz with me climbing the 50+ ft. Blue Spruce in the front yard to check on the star and connect and string the lights encircling it.
Fast Fwd to Christmas Eve.
My sis and I decorate our real tree whilst the parents are doing last-minute shopping. For dinner we go to McDonalds for dinner so our tree doesn’t fall over. (I KNOW it sounds stupid but I swear that every year we have skipped McD the tree falls.) We go sing in our parish choir at Midnight Mass. Then we sleep a few hours and wake up at an ungodly hour for presents. Truly it is the most wonderful time of the year.

‘Course, this summer I married a fish-eating Italian, so I’m pretty much screwed for tradition. Le

Chestnuts roasted by Rhino @ 11/17/2005 10:24 AM


axgop: Holy crap, it all makes sense now. When I was maybe six years old, one of my uncles got married to an antiques dealer from Albany, New York. She moved to New Mexico to become part of our giant agrarian German Catholic clan, and for her first Christmas she got every family an antique glass pickle ornament. Now I know what she was trying to go for, and I feel pretty bad that all of us were confused, and not one of us recognized what was apparently a pretty cool gesture. That had to have been the most depressing Christmas ever. Damn.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 11/17/2005 10:33 AM


bloodybrilliantme
Someone told me that there is a newer version of a Charlie Brown Christmas special, has anyone seen this little piece of blasphemy? Is it any good?

There are actually 2 of them, one is a collection of short cartoons starring the peanuts gang, whose title escapes me right now. THIS one is pure blasphemy due to the voice cast alone. Especially the one for Sally, she sounded like she inhaled some air from the Snoopy ballon from the Macy’s Parade. The other one I can actually remember: "I Want A Dog For Christmas, Charlie Brown," and it mainly stars Rerun, the little brother of Linus & Lucy. A bit better than that previous one, and the voice cast is much better, but still not that great.

And I, too miss the Sears Wish Book and the Toys R Us "Big Toy Book" no longer lives up to its name.

And as most of you probably know, I’m an Islander too and I have a new X-E Mission: to find the Jones Regional Pack. If you have any information, or if scott or Mr. X are out there, please give me an e-mail at Norbert5ca@aol.com . I would totally appreciate your help. And at the very least, name something after you.

I’ll hold off on listing my traditions at the moment because I’m at school right now and I need to get some work done.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 11/17/2005 11:56 AM


As Jessica Marie mentioned, we here in Pittsburgh have "Light Up Night" tomorrow. I have to admit, it’s pretty cool to see the city busy with activity when i’m heading home from work, but you probably couldn’t pay me to stay in town late after work on a friday. i can see the giant tree lit up on any given night after that, when the city is a ghost town after 5 pm.

Chestnuts roasted by bitchpants @ 11/17/2005 12:25 PM


Every year, the season doesn’t start until certain requirements are fulfilled.
1. We haul the artificial tree out from storage and put the blasted thing together.
2. We haul out the smaller tree at work and set it up.
3. It gets cold enough for me to scream "Brass Monkeys, Frank! Brass Monkeys!" at the top of my lungs every time I step out the door.
4. Lawton (The city south of us) starts their "Boulevard of Lights"
5. My town, Anadarko, lights up the park with its’ "Holiday Celebration."
6. Chickasha (The city east of us) kicks off its own "Festival of Lights."
7. Radio stations play the good Christmas novelty songs. (Chipmunk Song, Christmas Rapping, Cartman singing "O Holy Night.")
8. Radio stations play the bad Christmas novelty songs. (I Shot Santa in My Underwear, Twelve Pains of Christmas, Stevie Nicks singing "Silent Night.")
9. And finally, we listen for the B. C. Clark jingle to play on the radio. (Frito knows what I mean.)
There’s plenty others, but these are the highlights.

This year, Army Sister has been making up for the holidays she missed while in Iraq last year. So, we’re probably going to hit as many light displays as gas prices will allow.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 11/17/2005 12:32 PM


Every year I get in a fight with a Christmas tree and lose!!

Chestnuts roasted by Q @ 11/17/2005 12:36 PM


About a week before the big day, my sister, my mom and I pile into a car and drive to the rich areas of town to check out their rediculously huge Christmas displays. It takes about two hours and we hit about five neighborhoods.

What makes this a specifically family tradition is the fact that when my sister was a kid, she had a speech impediment where she pronounced "l" like "y", so she’d lean out of the window and squeal "Yook atta yights!" the whole time. Of course she’s grown out of that now, but to this day we refer to the drive as going to "Yook at the yights."

Chestnuts roasted by Ru @ 11/17/2005 12:42 PM


on a serious note we would go to granparents house where we all exchange gifts-then every body could confront each other for the lame ones. My grandpa would always the sweater we got him was too big and for a fat person. Then we got to go home and open one present-I remember I almost sht my pants when i got Super Tecmo Bowl. After my Granparents passed recently its been hard to get everyone together-everyones too busy. I know that would piss my granpa off so we’re gunna do something about that this year-probably force everybody in one spot. Oh yeah and of course Christmas Story marathon!

Chestnuts roasted by Q @ 11/17/2005 12:45 PM


I think every single time me or my siblings have seen the word "Fragile" we say "Fragil-ay, it’s Italian!" Every single time for the last 7 years at least! :)

Chestnuts roasted by Double G @ 11/17/2005 12:52 PM


Ok. I need help from you guys. My girfriend is sick at home today and she was wanting some good comedy to read. Is there anyway you guys can help me find a couple of the adventure posts that Matt has made?

http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/649.html

that’s an example of what I’m talking about. I love those old posts where he would have toys go wacky. Help a brother out.

Chestnuts roasted by bdsghost @ 11/17/2005 12:53 PM


I’ve read on previous posted stuff that you take the bus home. When I use to take the bus home from collge downtown it was the best, because of all the christmas stuff decorations and lights and shopping for someone at Vicotia’s Secret!even the homeless dudes that asked me for money would say Merry christmas-even when I didn’t have money.-(any other time of the year when I said I didn’t have money they would get mad and tell me I did have money because I have a backpack and books) You also get to avoid some crazy guy in a Honda Accord rear ending you-So if you still on the bus MATT enjoy!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Q @ 11/17/2005 1:04 PM


Instead of catching a cab in front of my office to go home at night, I walk to Fifth Avenue to steal one from some annoying ass tourist. As I get in, I turn to look at their exasperated faces and cheerfully remark, "welcome to New York!"

Chestnuts roasted by Pedro @ 11/17/2005 1:20 PM


bdsghost

I suggest checking out Matt’s review on Atlantic City’s Crappiest Game Room. You could always have her look at last year’s Jones Hlliday Pack Review and the review on The Worst Witch, not to mention the Advent Calendars, those are some of my all time favorite articles whenever I need a laugh.

And Matt finally got rid of Boo and the Frankenstein. Now there’s ornaments and that tree branch.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 11/17/2005 1:22 PM


For me, it’s not Christmas unless I watch The Muppet Family Christmas. I had to tape it off TV because every other year it seems to dip below the programming radar and the one year I remember not seeing it was not a good Christmas for anyone. I’d have bought the DVD, but I hear that it has a few of the musical numbers edited out due to rights issues. Also, whenever possible I try to catch Ernest Saves Christmas on TV. It’s best on TV because you can channel surf during the boring parts with the girl and watch all the good parts with Chuck & Bobby.

Chestnuts roasted by Quammy @ 11/17/2005 1:35 PM


Well, when my whole family used to speak to each other, we used to have a nice little tradition where on Christmas Eve, just before bed, my mom would let us open our Christmas presents from our Gramma. (They were actually presents bought by Mom, in rememberance of Gramma, since she died when I was 2). When I was really little, and Gramma presents were really from Gramma, I got some pretty cool stuff. The last thing I remember getting from Gramma was a Care Bears bank (Tenderheart Bear, more specifically), where you pulled the heart on his tummy aside to find the cleverly hidden coin slot. After Gramma died, though, we got stuff like pajamas or stuffed animals. Now that my whole family hates each other (mostly), I won’t be getting a Gramma present this year… which sucks. I needed a new flannel nightgown.

Chestnuts roasted by Beth @ 11/17/2005 1:38 PM


Jeez Beth that sounds kind of depressing, Im sorry- I’ve learned it gets worse as you get older so now We have to make Christmas fun :) -Suggestion: Next time your at Wal-Mart and see the 3 or 4 foot dancing santa-put a pair of underwear or panies(whatever is funnier) on the end of his hand. As he wiggles hips and dances he dangles them. Puts the entire store in holiday cheer!

Chestnuts roasted by Q @ 11/17/2005 1:47 PM


Hey Quammy-I s that the old Muppet family christmas where they all have to sleep in one house? I have to find that again!!

Chestnuts roasted by Q @ 11/17/2005 1:49 PM


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