Dream Diary: I have no idea where this one came from, but it feels like it had to have some special meaning that some dream dictionary will be able to explain to me. Apparently, I had purchased, or inherited, or otherwise obtained...a live dolphin. A huge motherfucking dolphin, more gregarious than Flipper, shinier than silver, who swam to and fro in this big manmade ditch in front of my old house. I loved this dolphin. Because of the nature of dreams and how the relativity of positions and whatnot didn't apply, whatever that means, I was able to chill out with my dolphin as he swam around, but never actually get wet myself. Then someone -- I don't know who, but someone official -- told me that the watery ditch wasn't proper for the dolphin, and that I'd either have to give him up or spend the cash needed for an adequate tank. Realizing that I didn't have that kind of money, I looked at the dolphin and realized that he had to go. Then I woke up. Whenever the fun gets spoiled in my dreams, I wake up. I guess that's okay.
I'm digging this. Christmas Christmas, everywhere, and I've managed to keep myself in check. I'm not blowing my wad with overexcitement before December, and for me, this is a major triumph. Phase 2 of the plan entails me making sure I spread out my remaining vacation days from work adequately enough to not lose the season in a sea of God damned Dora commercials. That said, it's been nice. The Christmas music's been nice. Going to Best Buy and seeing the little special area for holiday-related DVDs has been nice. Thinking about how the apartment we're moving into soon will enable us to have a real dining room for next Christmas is nice. As I write this, Nat's Chestnuts came on the Jukebox. That's nice, too.
I'm also digging all of the new candy, which in some cases isn't so much "new" as it is "back for another shot," but whatever, it's candy with snowflake-drenched packaging, and I'll never fall out of love with that. Shown above are just four of the many things I've picked up recently, including medallion-shaped Nestle Crunch and Butterfinger bars, marked with Santa Claus Is Coming To Town graphics, not just on the packaging, but also on the chocolate discs. York's Peppermint Snowflake just feels right, as nobody has ever eaten a Peppermint Patty in the history of Peppermint Patties and not thought of snow. Finally, Russell Stover's White Chocolate Peanut Butter Jingle Bell is good, but not good enough to warrant a name that takes 45 seconds to type. Click here to see the candies opened and mutilated.
Survey: What are some of your more personal holiday traditions? I know you eat dinner with your family, I know you get presents, I know you try to watch Charlie Brown and your local tree lighting ceremony. But what's some of the more personal ones? One of mine is the Christmas season Sunday newspaper scouring, a ritual that begins the first weekend of November. I just scour the circulars that come with the Sunday papers for anything Christmassy, from Target catalogues with a bunch of red ribbon graphics to one-page offers for ceramic angels with "HOLIDAY" etched over their asses. Your turn.
For more information about dung beetles, click here.
Posted by Matt on 11/16/2005. E-mail me!
Chestnuts roasted by 
Seems like they would be right up their on your list.
I always watch the He-Man She-Ra Christmas special.I recorded it off of USA in 1989 and I’ve been watching it since I was 3.That special is terrible,yet hilarious at the same time.How can Skeletor being filled with Christmas spirit get any less funny? I liked the review you did too.I seriously thought I was the only one on Earth who remembered it other than maybe the animators and voice actors(doubt it).It’s got a lot of commercials you’ve reviewed too,like the Santa’s helper hotline.It also has a commercial for The Wizard,an annoying Fruity Pebbles commercial where Barney raps,Bouncy Babies,My First Sony,and an old school Honey Combs commercial.But yeah,the He-Man She-Ra Christmas Special is beyond horrible,but that’s what makes it so great.I wonder,was Hord-Prime ever in the He-Man or She-Ra series?Luckily those annoying kids weren’t!