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11/13/2005: Turkey & Gravy Lip Balm?

The clothing situation had hit the point of no return, with me literally regurgitating the two sweaters I own every other day of the week, keeping them clean and tidy but nonetheless confident that I’ve been building a solid reputation as a skeezer.  This was the Day of Remedy.  Because of my severe shopping phobia, I insisted that the woman stay home as I trekked over to the Woodbridge Mall in Jersey to take care of business.  Otherwise, I’d use her as my social crutch, only comfortable browsing my wearables while she helped pick them out, and that never works.  I felt like I was marching off to war.  Pull up, park, smoke a cigarette with more dramatic drags than even before, and finally head on in.  I am now the proud owner of seventeen different sweaters that all look the same, and five new pairs of jeans that also all look the same.  But at least now I can get Dorito dust all over myself without having it become an international incident.

It’s becoming more and more impossible to not love Jones Soda.  The company recently introduced their own line of lip balms patterned after some of their most notable soft drinks, including what you see above: Turkey & Gravy.  To be honest, it’s more disgusting in theory than practice, as on a test, the stuff tasted more like “nothing” than “turkey.”  Then again, I didn’t really get all up in there like I do with cherry-flavored Chapstick.  I eat those fuckers like grapes.  The balm itself is virtually colorless, unless we’re assuming that they were going for the look of “white meat” and not “turkey skin.”  If you’re a vege, there’s plenty of fruit flavors available as well — check out Jones’ss’s lip balm site for details.

R.I.P., Eddy.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!


Discussion Thread: 142 comments

I was shocked to not see any tribute to Mustapha Akkad on your site, since he and Carpenter pretty much created Michael Myers..

You know, the star of that Atari game.

Chestnuts roasted by Tyler @ 11/13/2005 10:31 PM EST

RIP Latino Heat.  You were the man.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff Mack @ 11/13/2005 10:38 PM EST

"The best tasting pocket-sized turkey wax ever!" Haha! :D

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 11/13/2005 10:44 PM EST

Where did you find that?
R.I.P. Uncle Eddy

Chestnuts roasted by Sonny @ 11/13/2005 10:44 PM EST

Oh my god…

Just when the people at Jones Soda couldn’t get any more amazing…

Next year, I want them to create soda-flavored turkey…maybe candy corn flavored.  That would really throw us for a loop.

Chestnuts roasted by mtrox @ 11/13/2005 11:01 PM EST

Man. RIP (Eddy Guerrero nickname).

Seriously, Turkey chapstick? I mean, sometime Jones, Inc will have be considered a joke shop. Whatever.

Chestnuts roasted by Warx @ 11/13/2005 11:04 PM EST

Should be writing paper…instead marveling at x-e.

Chestnuts roasted by Kevin @ 11/13/2005 11:07 PM EST

Every week I’m simultaneously awed by their creativity and disgusted by Jones’ creations.  I like their normal soda fine, but the thought of salmon flavored soda and turkey flavored lip balm make me want to spew.  I know it’s kitsch, but come on Jones - use your power for good, not evil!

Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 11/13/2005 11:13 PM EST

Haha yeah, now that it’s getting cold I’m repeating my winter clothes multiple times a week. Polo’s don’t cut it when it’s freezing.

I’m at a crossroads - do I get sweaters with large crazy old person patterns or normal dull patterns?

I’m thinking I need at least one cotton red sweater with giant white snowflakes to wear regardless.

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 11/13/2005 11:24 PM EST

I don’t know much about eddy guerrero but i remember seeing him when i used to watch on a regular basis.  RIP…Jones Soda lip balm…….riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…"WHO ARE THE AD WIZARDS THAT CAME UP WITH THIS ONE???"  (to paraphrase a SNL skit)

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 11/13/2005 11:32 PM EST

Why does this exist? Think about it: It’s a lip balm… based on a soda… which itself is flavored like turkey & gravy! This should be on the list of "Things that should not be!" I would not have thought such a convoluted invention possible.

Chestnuts roasted by Frostor @ 11/13/2005 11:42 PM EST

Oh my god!  Eddie was one of my favorite wrestlers…………R.I.P Eddie.

Fortunately I got some great news today.  I am now the proud uncle of twin nieces!!!!!!!!!  Emma and Becca were born at 5:53 and 5:54 this morning.  They are both doing great, as is my sister, though they were both born about a month and a half pre-mature. 

So Matt, I can almost guarantee you have two future X-E fans on your hands (if I have any influence on them)  .

I still haven’t gotten up the guts to try the Regional Pack yet, but maybe some day when I am drunk enough I will.  Although I don’t really know if being drunk will make it better or if I will make me violently sick!

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 11/13/2005 11:42 PM EST

Man I love it when Pee Wee sings "it’s Christmas in the Playhouse" on the Pee Wee intro track of the playlist. Thats 100% Christmas nostalgia right there. Makes me all goosebumpy!

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 11/14/2005 1:22 AM EST

Did anyone else watch The Boondocks tonight?  Funny shit, man!

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 11/14/2005 1:32 AM EST

Agreed.  That is one of my favorite Christmas special moments.

I went through my Pee-Wee DVD and ripped all of the audio tracks about a month ago.  And now they’re on the Jukebox in higher quality (mine suffer from random hiss for some reason), making my hours of work woefully pointless.

Still, Charo knows her stuff.

Chestnuts roasted by mtrox @ 11/14/2005 1:32 AM EST

R.I.P Eddie..u were the best

Chestnuts roasted by gino @ 11/14/2005 2:15 AM EST

i still cant get over latino heat…i miss him allready…i wish i could see him again soon…its gonna take a long time 2 get over…im really glad u mentioned him matt…i appreciate it…thanks matt, take care and God bless

Chestnuts roasted by the bomb @ 11/14/2005 2:17 AM EST

i know i should talk bout the sodas, but i just cant, im 2 sad from the horrible news i read this morning, i wish i didnt happen, plz God take care of this man, and thank u eddie, for entertaining me all these years, u were 1 of the greatest ever, thank you.

Chestnuts roasted by sad guy @ 11/14/2005 2:19 AM EST

i will never ever forget you eddie, thx for the memories

Chestnuts roasted by stephan @ 11/14/2005 2:22 AM EST

is saying "pop" an east coast thing? cause i don’t know anyone who calls it that out here…

Chestnuts roasted by Karrie @ 11/14/2005 2:31 AM EST

oh and I also like how there is still a little ghost even though its time for christmas…I too am avoiding a paper by reading X-E

Chestnuts roasted by Karrie @ 11/14/2005 2:34 AM EST

When my Jones Soda gets here (Thanks Mister X!) I will down it in honor of Eddie.  Long live Latino Heat!!!

Semper Fi,
Erik Majorwitz

Never knew Matt was a wrestling (maybe I wasn’t paying attention)

RIP Eddie.  Never a huge fan, but I respected the man for his in-ring skills, and 4 years sober.

His memory will live on beside Owen’s.

Chestnuts roasted by Steve T @ 11/14/2005 5:33 AM EST

Another dead wrestler…so sad yet always so expected
R.I.P. Eddie

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 11/14/2005 6:19 AM EST

Oh my god. I haven’t watched wrestling in years but Eddie Guerrero  dying is devastating to my childhood.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 11/14/2005 7:42 AM EST

I’m thinkin’ Jones soda is missing out ont the whole Turkey Flavored (and scented) body spray and shampoo. Be popular at parties, have dogs follow you everywhere!

/Doesn’t know squat about wrestling
/Is still sorry someone died

Chestnuts roasted by bloodybrilliantme @ 11/14/2005 7:47 AM EST

Eddie– no! Rest in Peace. He lied, he cheated, he stole– Lation Heat.

On the bright side, TURKEY LIP BALM?! Disgusting.

And, uh– I love the Santa picture on the link for CHRISTMASY BLOG STUFF. Adorable.

Chestnuts roasted by Sara Jane @ 11/14/2005 8:02 AM EST

All right, finally! Some weird Jones Soda product I can actually get behind! I love lip balm, and I don’t think turkey-flavored lip balm will make me puke, so I’m all about finding this stuff. That and the elusive Nerds Christmas book thingie. *shakes fist*

Chestnuts roasted by Nicole @ 11/14/2005 8:52 AM EST

Jones Soda is mysterious and delightful like the Wonka Chocolate Factory.  I didn’t think Turkey&Gravy tasted like "nothing" though.  And Wild Herb Stuffing tastes like dentist’s office.

‘Pop’ seems to be kind of a western PA/eastern mid-west thing, as far as I can tell.  But don’t ask me, I called everything ‘Coke’ for most of my young life.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 11/14/2005 9:25 AM EST

http://www.popvssoda.com/countystats/total-county.html

Chestnuts roasted by Dohopoki @ 11/14/2005 9:46 AM EST

I think we’ve had  a discussion on this subject on the X-E blog before.

Basically, there are many regional names for carbonated soft drinks…In Texas, it’s Coke, even if we mean Dr Pepper.

But Your Mileage May Vary…

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron T. @ 11/14/2005 9:51 AM EST

Regional Pack in my possession as of 10 minutes ago!!!!!!!!

I wear black clothes all week with different ties, so people probably think I’m a skeeze too.

But kudos for the "more dramatic drags than ever before" very Constantine, very adoration worthy…at least to me :D

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 11/14/2005 9:51 AM EST

I’m glad you mentioned Eddy, he will be missed

Chestnuts roasted by Thejyav @ 11/14/2005 9:55 AM EST

I think we’ve had a discussion on this subject on the X-E blog before.

I think I may have been the one who started it.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 11/14/2005 9:57 AM EST

BTW do we get any Thanksgiving day parades this year?

Chestnuts roasted by thejyav @ 11/14/2005 9:57 AM EST

RIP Eddie.  Saddest one yet.

On a positive note, my supermarket had an entire display of the Playmobil Advent calendar.  I almost busted a nut.  I tried to take a picture with my cell phone, but I couldn’t get a good one and people were starting to stare.  The manager came over and started stocking stuff right by me, so I knew he was watching me.  I don’t know if I can get up the courage to go in there with a camera.

Chestnuts roasted by Y2JB78 @ 11/14/2005 9:59 AM EST

Yes, jyav, there will a Macy’s review. Check back a few blog entries for the details about the plans for Xmas articles.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 11/14/2005 10:13 AM EST

Does anyone have any suggestions about serving temperature on any of the sodas in this year’s Holiday Packs? You know, like warm Ginger Ale is a distinct flavor experience?

So chill any of them, all of them? Warm up the appropriate ones?

I sent an email to Jones which is basically a paraphrase of what I just said. Just thought maybe you guys would have some suggestions :)

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 11/14/2005 10:48 AM EST

I will no longer be able to rock out to his theme music without bumming out at the same time. "If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying." R.I.P. Eddy

Chestnuts roasted by Ed @ 11/14/2005 10:49 AM EST

I hope Matt was a paid consultant after seeing the promo for VH1’s "I Love The Holidays" last night.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 11/14/2005 11:06 AM EST

Man, I call shenanigans on that map.  I used to live in Union County, and absolutely nobody calls it "soda."  In fact, they only asked one person from the entire county, and I’ll wager at LEAST a dollar that it was one of our three imported Canadians.  And before you start thinking to yourself, "Wow, Jedoc certainly is making a good many assumptions about a large group of people," there’s only about 3800 people in the entire county.  A door-to-door survey is not out of the question.  Stupid imported Canadians.  Stupid ECU.  Stupid soda.

More fun facts about Union County: in the 2000 census, we missed out on having a population density of exactly 1 per square mile by only three people.

Conversely, pigs and cattle together outnumber humans in Union county by a little more than 100 to 1.

Because knowing is half the battle.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 11/14/2005 11:13 AM EST

Wow, Jedoc, I thought I lived in a podunk town. Because knowledge is power! Although apparently Oswego NY, where I went to college, is in the Guiness Book of World Records (I don’t know what year) for Most Bars Per Capita. Woo.

And after looking at that map, I totally did not realize that I was in the minority of the country for calling it soda. Weird.

Chestnuts roasted by Nicole @ 11/14/2005 11:35 AM EST

Crikey, Jedoc — it sounds like you grew up near my neck of the woods.  Or at least, they *were* my neck of the woods when I was but a wee snip of a girl.

I think it’s interesting to see the pockets of "soda" folk — like the pocket around St. Louis (near where I am now).  Or the odd county here and there scattered throughout the US.  The soda/pop/coke question is one of my favourite ice breakers — and it’s a question my linguistics professor was exceedingly fond of asking, also.

My question now — to what might the "other" in the survey refer?  Fizzy drink?  Soft drink?

Chestnuts roasted by Lisa Marie @ 11/14/2005 11:35 AM EST

http://www.popvssoda.com/stats/TOTAL.html

Not really worth reading though since alot of them ended up saying pop or soda and then they flame each other. Nothing like saying "People who say (pop/soda)are stupid" and not being able to fill out a simple form correctly.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 11/14/2005 11:48 AM EST

Because knowing is half the battle.

Because knowledge is power!

I’ll add the trifecta: The power is yours!

And it’s sad that Eddie died, even though I don’t watch wrestling or even know who the hell he was. Still, I feel your pain.

And I did not mean to start the soda/pop war again… ><

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 11/14/2005 11:49 AM EST

Not to forget the infamous Terry Pratchett equation Books = Knowledge = Power = Energy = Mass.  And since everyone knows that mass distorts space-time, it becomes obvious that libraries must be kept in strict order, because without some sort of support system, they will tear a hole through the fabric of existence and end up in a parallell universe.

It is also obvious that many of the mysterious and ill-arranged used book shops in our world already have.

Oh, and Lisa Marie: you have a wee snip of my condolences.  Cows make for poor and fragrant neighbors.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 11/14/2005 11:59 AM EST

I went to elementary school right next to a farm with cows, and across the street from a farm with cows. Playing outside in the playground on a sunny day was really not fun at all.

And let’s not forget Jem’s words of wisdom (just some of many): She’s Got the Power!

Chestnuts roasted by Nicole @ 11/14/2005 12:12 PM EST

I’ve never tried this Jones stuff (I’m just not a pop-drinker. I’m all about the juice kiddos), and yet I’m very much in love with them. However, they have finally disappointed me with this lip balm. Not because they made turkey-balm; that’s mondo-brilliant. No, I’m upset because the lip balm page of the Jones website has a big picture of shiny lips and…a cherry? Are they serious? This is a company based on being outlandish and photographically creative, and they give us lips and a cherry. Yawn.

Of course, I can’t stay mad at Jones. The mere fact that the site links to a page for Jones’ own music label makes me all smiley.

Chestnuts roasted by Tougi @ 11/14/2005 12:15 PM EST

But what if I’m not afflicted with with Turkey and Gravy Lips?  Can I still enjoy the balm?

Cue Wierd Al holding a giant pair of wax lips that happens to be ticking: "LIP BOMB!"  *Ka-Boom!*

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 11/14/2005 12:20 PM EST

I’ll be glad when it gets cool enough to break out the sweaters, or at least consistently wear a jacket.  Here in north Tx it’s still consistently hitting upper 70s/lower 80s…  and our air conditioner is busted.  Apt maintanence came by yesterday and said it was fixed, but it only blew cold for a couple of hours, and then it was blowing warm again. 

Boo hoo, right?

Chestnuts roasted by ZiZak @ 11/14/2005 12:35 PM EST

1) It’s soda, no matter where you’re from.
2) Wtg Jeff!
3) Matt, what did you think of my little Rant on the last blog? (well, who couldn’t notice it, it was the 3rd post)
4) Goin for both Jones Packs tomorrow!
5) There’s also gonna be Jones Candy based on 4 sodas and you can put them in liquid and it’ll taste like those sodas!

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 11/14/2005 12:37 PM EST

It’s pop, goddamn it. They might be the Jones Soda company, but when you ask for a soft drink, you ask for POP. PEE OHH FUCKING PEE. You want soda? That’s nice if you’re 79 years old. Get a can of POP.

Chestnuts roasted by Jim @ 11/14/2005 12:43 PM EST

"ILove the Holidays"? UH-UH. They wrong for that.
Oh, and how ’bout "power to the people? No?
Eh… I got nothin’.

Chestnuts roasted by bloodybrilliantme @ 11/14/2005 12:54 PM EST

The map is accurate for my county: we, too, refer to all soda as Coke, leading to a dialog like this:

Person 1: Do you want a Coke?
Person 2: Yes, please.
Person 1: What kind?
Person 2: Sprite.

Although some people here do say "soda". But never pop. Interestingly, my dad, who is from Illinois, calls it "sodie".

Chestnuts roasted by jazzy @ 11/14/2005 12:55 PM EST

Sodie pop?

Here it’s been consistently in the 50s - perfect weather.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 11/14/2005 12:56 PM EST

Turkey wax makes it sounds like something you do for the turkey to get it ready for a night on the town… or to lose its virginity

Chestnuts roasted by Gillman @ 11/14/2005 1:38 PM EST

About the serving temperature of the Holiday Pack–I’ve seen it suggested that the sour Jones Soda flavors are best served at room temperature and since none of the Pack flavors are sour, cold may be best. But most people agree that they’re awful at any temperature. Except for the cranberry and pumpkin ones, maybe.

I put mine in the fridge just so they wouldn’t take up all that space in the box.

Chestnuts roasted by devi @ 11/14/2005 2:10 PM EST

I chilled mine, and they were still repulsive.  There’s this overpowering butteryness in the Brussels Sprouts that will make you gag at any temperature.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 11/14/2005 2:23 PM EST

viva la raza mi amigo

Chestnuts roasted by latino heat @ 11/14/2005 2:47 PM EST

im really glad, on tna’s ppv last night they had signs all over for eddie and the fans cheered all night for him, the dudleys and konan mentioned him, it was really nice, raw is gonna be very very emotional 2night, check it out matt, and thx for mentioning him yourself, he was an excellent entertainer.

Chestnuts roasted by tna @ 11/14/2005 2:49 PM EST

Eddie’s passing is sad. Just goes to show that no matter how bad things may seem, it could aways be worse. R.I.P.

In other news, here in NY, at least for the 25+ years I’ve been alive here, we call it soda. That way, when you ask for one, and they ask "what kind?", you can say Sprite, or Pepsi, or even Ginger Ale….or maybe that’s just a Queens thing….

I’m sure some of you might know, but in the new Kingdom Hearts 2 game, they are going to have Sora, Donald and Goofy explore the Tron world. Yup, F’ing Tron from the 80’s. Here’s hoping for some Light Cycle action.

For those who don’t know what Kingndom Hearts is, it’s a PS2 game that came out a few years ago mixing several Disney films, as well as some Square (Final Fantasy really) characters into an action RPG.

I know, it may sound a little fruity, but it was actually a REALLY good game, with a great story.

Chestnuts roasted by Galvatron @ 11/14/2005 3:23 PM EST

Update!

I have gotten the Jones Holiday National Pack from my nearby Target today! But, I looked in the closest place that would have the Regional pack (a Fairway in Massapequa), and found nothing. I’ve searched for possible other stores that would have it, but they’re too far away from me!

I would like either of the following:

1) Any tips on locations on Long Island to find it.
2) If Mr. X is around, if he can, please help out another X-E’er in a dilemma and e-mail me at Norbert5ca@aol.com (no Spam)

and I don’t plan on cracking open the National Pack until the Regional Pack is in my hands as well, whenever that will happen.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 11/14/2005 3:24 PM EST

the soda-pop-coke discussion is SO ANNOYING

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 11/14/2005 3:25 PM EST

Soda? Pop? How about Tonic, or Elixer?

Chestnuts roasted by Olde Timeye @ 11/14/2005 4:34 PM EST

RIP Eddie. I’m going to be watching the RAW and Smackdown tributes.

Lip Balm?  What’s next? Edible underwear?

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 11/14/2005 4:37 PM EST

Helpful tip to end the Cola Wars:  memorize the ingredients.  Then, to avoid any possible misunderstanding, order "A refreshing combination of…" and then start reeling off chemical compounds until somebody slugs you one.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 11/14/2005 4:41 PM EST

i miss u allready, i wish i could see u again one day

Chestnuts roasted by resto en paz @ 11/14/2005 4:45 PM EST

hey Matt, how bout a page for eddie where people can leave comments about him and only him, i dont mean an article, i just mean a comments page like this 1, except its just for him, i think he deserves it, for entertaining us all these years

Chestnuts roasted by hey @ 11/14/2005 4:47 PM EST

I had to pick up my graduation gear today, and it makes me sad.  I wouldn’t be this sad if I actually had a job in the communications/mass media field.

Yuckies!!  Turkey and gravy lip balm?!  What’s next, Brussel(s) Sprouts lip balm?

I pre-ordered the He-Man and She-Ra Christmas special, which is being released on December 6th.  I live in South Jersey, so the distribution center for Amazon.com is about 90 minutes away in Delaware, which means that it will arrive earlier than the expected date of arrival (3 days later).  Which is good, because I’ll have it in time to give to my boyfriend as a joke.  I can’t hold it till Christmas, because then the holiday will be almost over.  Jeez, I can’t wait to get this.  Anyone else pre-order it????

He bought He-Man Season 1 Volume 1 a few weeks ago.  We laughed our asses off and analyzed the whole thing.  I love the introduction, where good old Prince Adam explains his "power."  Anyone else just absolutely love this pink tights and purple "Ugg" boots?  Man, he was cultivating a future trend right there.  Even scarier, he has the same freakin’ haircut as me, complete with the bangs (mine are longer) and chin length bob.  Mine has blonde highlights though (I’m a brunette). 

Ahh, memories.  Cheesy, repressed memories.  Speaking of which, he won Small Wonder DVCs on Ebay a few weeks ago–we watched them 2 weekends ago.  Oh my god, that show is so lame it’s hysterical. That poor girl, I feel so bad that she had to play that character.

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 11/14/2005 6:04 PM EST

Have you guys seen the new PEZ set they have at WalMart with ALL the Star Wars pez dispensers in one set? It’s $14 and has seriously 12-15 different dispensers (all different) and an assload of pez candy.

Chestnuts roasted by Another Matt @ 11/14/2005 6:28 PM EST

I’d rather just buy 14 ten packs of PEZ.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 11/14/2005 6:36 PM EST

The only exclusive dispencer to that pack is the emperor, that is, a repaint of the ep3 Palpatine dispencer. I have a huge pez dispencer collection which is displayed in my room. I love pez :)

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 11/14/2005 6:52 PM EST

It is a little played out :D
I’m still hoping to put some time into editing the X-E Wikipedia page with some blog FAQs and facts…the soda/pop debate would be a good addition, I think. Unfortunately, dumb stuff like "school" and "work" keep getting in the way of "hanging out on the internet talking about X-Entertainment". I hope to remedy.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 11/14/2005 7:00 PM EST

I like pezzes.  But not as much as I like saying "pezzes."  Say it.  Say "pezzes."  Say it louder.  Good, isn’t it?  Note: if your tongue isn’t tingling, you’re not doing it right.  More "zzzzz."

Also, if you and your friend both have a fez…you’ve got a couple of fezzes.  And it gets better.  The shape and relative rigidity of fezzes makes them perfect storage recepticle for pezzes.  Fezzes of pezzes.  Hee.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 11/14/2005 7:07 PM EST

I am happy to post with you today in what will go down in history as
the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.
There is something that I must say to my people who stand on the
warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of
gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us
not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of
"soda" and "pop".  Again and again we must rise to the
majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous
new militancy which has engulfed the "soda" community must not lead us to
a distrust of all "pop" people, for many of our "pop" brothers, as evidenced
by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied
up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is
inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always
march ahead. We cannot turn back. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today my
friends - so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I
still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the
true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all
men are created equal."
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation
where they will not be judged by the word they use to describe a carbinated beverage but by the content
of their character.
I have a dream today.
Let freedom ring. And when this happens, and when we allow
freedom ring - when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet,
from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when
all of God’s children - "soda" men and "pop" men, Jews and Gentiles,
Protestants and Catholics - will be able to join hands and sing in the words
of the old soda spiritual: "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty,
we are free at last!"

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 11/14/2005 7:15 PM EST

Wow…(starts clapping).

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 11/14/2005 8:15 PM EST

Lip balm?  What’s next, turkey and gravy shampoo?

You know, there is a company called Reinhold’s that does custom ice cream creations (located at http://www.customicecreamcreations.com). They charge 45 US dollars for a gallon and a half of their custom ice cream.  In fact, one of their customers requested turkey/gravy ice cream and they made the stuff!

Chestnuts roasted by Bert Raccoon @ 11/14/2005 8:35 PM EST

I’m holding out until they offer turkey flavored blood transfusions.

But this is a step in that direction.

Chestnuts roasted by The Wukong Effect @ 11/14/2005 10:37 PM EST

I’ve been absent from the blog for a while tho I doubt any of the regs really noticed :P.  I’m sitting here watching the tribute episode of Raw for Eddie Guerro and I’ve been choked up and misty eyed the entire time.  I’m usually the crying type but watching the tribute segments of Chavo and Chris Benoit and I finally broke down.  I wasn’t always fond of the guy when he was in character but after hearing all the great things his friends said about him I really wish I could have met him in person.

RIP Eddie Latino Heat will burn brightly in jearts of your friends fans and family

Chestnuts roasted by The Krypt Angel @ 11/14/2005 11:02 PM EST

I decided to watch wrestling for the first time in years tonight. I was just going to watch the start of the show and seeing all the stars, half I recongnized half I didn’t, all crying  got to me to the point that I decided to watch the rest of the show for the hell of it. Chris Benoit’s, whom I was quite a fan of during his old WCW days, segment had me balling till the show was over.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 11/14/2005 11:16 PM EST

did any of u guys here about what that jerk on espn said…i really hope he gets whats coming 2 him…what a low-life a**hole…many people called espn’s customer service and complanined about the remark, im happy about that, im sure he will be shown the door…he insulted eddie g. after he died…wich is a very tastless thing 2 do, if u dont care then just dont mention it, u piece of sh*t

Chestnuts roasted by hey guys @ 11/15/2005 1:09 AM EST

that raw was very emotional, i hoped all who watched it, enjoyed it, hope you were able 2 check it out matt, it was really nice

Chestnuts roasted by the best ever @ 11/15/2005 1:12 AM EST

damn this hurts.  i didn’t get a chance to watch the RAW tonite, and i’m sure i missed a doozie, i’m sorry.  i dropped outta wrestling for a while, like 4+ yrs as an every week watchin’ fan, this bites tho, cause i missed out.  You never know.  RIP Eddie.

Chestnuts roasted by oliver obelisk @ 11/15/2005 1:36 AM EST

Eddie will be sorely missed, he was one of those few individuals that could reach out and touch anyone.  My fiancee (who generally hates wrestling) and I watched Smackdown on Friday, and during his match he pulled a classic Eddie stunt by getting Mr. Kennedy DQed for a fake chair shot.  My fiancee made me rewind it about 5 times and said that it made her night.  She was serious, no sarcasm about bad acting or the like.  Eddie had that ability to make anyone - fan or not - enjoy themselves.  His life was an example to a lot of people, and one of the few wrestlers you would want to tell people about, cause he was able to overcome his addictions and demons.  The videos on WWE about everyone talking about Eddie are heartwrenching, and you can tell he will be missed by all.

Chestnuts roasted by Danimal number 2 @ 11/15/2005 5:16 AM EST

almost all of the videos are now up on wwe.com, including all the major ones.  They’re in the Raw videos section, as well as the WWE unlimited section.  These are all very emotional and real, and actually made me cry.  They’re all done in a very respectful and sincere manner, and anyone whoever watched Eddie should check them out.

Chestnuts roasted by Danimal number 2 again @ 11/15/2005 5:41 AM EST

We should give out these jones soda lip balms to homeless people for the holiday season.

Chestnuts roasted by Willem @ 11/15/2005 8:58 AM EST

Yeah Willem, I’d say you bought a first class ticket to hell with that one, I guess I did too because I laughed so hard I spewed diet coke all over my computer. BTW, you owe me a keyboard.

Chestnuts roasted by bloodybrilliantme @ 11/15/2005 9:44 AM EST

Yummy Yum Yum-i should get turkey and kiss my girlfriend-think she’ll notice?

Chestnuts roasted by Mike the Great @ 11/15/2005 10:34 AM EST

just stumbled upon this one by accident, gonna browse a while fur-sure.

stop by and say hello.

sincerely,
superflywebpimp,
genius author of the paragraph novels

Chestnuts roasted by superflywebpimp @ 11/15/2005 10:48 AM EST

RIP Eddy, you will be severely missed.

On a lighter note. Matt, I stumbled upon your review of the Captain N episode with Link and Zelda ans when you mention Motherbrain you typed

Mother Brain isn’t going to waste valuable air time letting her main adversary hang out in Hyrule. I can best describe MB as a messed up version of that giant Venus fly trap from Little Shop of Horrors. Just replace the green vines with biochemical brain juice, and Rick Moranis with King Hippo and the Eggplant Wizard.

That isn’t a coincidence; the guy who voiced the plant (Audrey II) from the Little shop ALSO voiced Motherbrain. Talk about a wicked career.

Chestnuts roasted by Jordy @ 11/15/2005 11:13 AM EST

Not much of a suprise to hear all the Eddie stories, what kind of a guy he was and all.  I remember when Owen Hart died, all these tales of what kind of a guy he was backstage, his practical jokes, what he used to do for everyone.  A lot of the viewers were taken aback.  Very few outside of the shows knew who the real Owen was.  Glad in the current age of Pro Wrestling, we get to see more of the real people behind the characters.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash, the mean green mother from outer space @ 11/15/2005 11:59 AM EST

when i think of him, i remember all the times he made me smile…and i will never ever forget him, he was 1 of if not the greatest all around preformer on either raw or smackdown

Chestnuts roasted by heat @ 11/15/2005 12:12 PM EST

Wow. As someone who has barely ever watched wrestling, I always thought it was kind of frivolous. Now I see how much impact this guy had on people, and I am amazed. I didn’t realize a wrestler could be so close to so many people’s hearts.

I’m still not entirely sure who the guy was, but judging by the reaction to his death, he must have been pretty cool.

RIP Eddie, I don’t know who you are and have no memories attached to you whatsoever, but you obviously made a lot of people happy.

Chestnuts roasted by jazzy @ 11/15/2005 12:47 PM EST

Rest in peace Eddie.  I loathed you as a character… you and the rest of your circus freak mess (Saturn, "The Rabid Troll" Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko and yourself… (and hey, that was your job, to make us hate you) but as a person you seemed like an ok guy and you will be missed by millions of fans… that’s a pretty good legacy.  only 28 hours till woodbridge mall madness… someone shoot me.

Chestnuts roasted by Double G @ 11/15/2005 2:38 PM EST

What the frig is Woodbridge mall madness?

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/15/2005 2:52 PM EST

what do u mean circus freak mess…rabid troll ??? …i think ur mistaken there…

Chestnuts roasted by for double g @ 11/15/2005 3:12 PM EST

Only the WOODIES! BRIDGIEST! MALLIEST! MADNESS! in Town! I would assume. Also he meant rabid wolverine.

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 11/15/2005 3:17 PM EST

Woodbridge mall madness- a disease that affects the mind. It causes you to lose all control of your bowels and you have violent mood swings. Your mind rapidly deteriorates and you are reduced to an animal with about the same intelligence as a blue bird. Some of the symptoms are Itching, Hives, Swelling of the throat, Asthma, Drop in blood pressure,
Irregular heart rhythm,
Nausea, vomiting, or abdominal cramping.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 11/15/2005 3:21 PM EST

Where my girlfriend drags my ass to every frigin store in the woodbrigde mall and we spend about 5 hours there and then she winds up getting 2 things.  I hate that mall.

Chestnuts roasted by Double G @ 11/15/2005 3:28 PM EST

Yeah, that sounds about right Darth Poop.  And my buddies and I used to call the Radicals "The Circus Rejects".

Chestnuts roasted by Double G @ 11/15/2005 3:30 PM EST

Okay, has anybody heard of the brain-’splodin’ concept of Star Wars TransFormers?  FARK just put up an IGN article, but click my name for more direct news about it.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash, more than eats a pie! @ 11/15/2005 5:31 PM EST

I think that the transformers might come with a little micro machine figure. I remember seeing a pic of an X-wing transformer in package from a convention, most likely celebration 3, and it had a little Luke Skywalker in Pilot gear. I think the Luke was the same figure that they used in the action fleet line but they released some new mini figures recently so the figure might be changed. From what I’ve seen lately they have removed the figure altogether and the official sites don’t even mention the figure. Is anyone else exited about the new star wars figures coming out in 06? I can’t wait to get my hands on the new General Veers in at-at gear. This will be the third sculpt of the guy. The first was released in 80 and rereleased in 83. The second was released with the slightly changed AT-AT around 97.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 11/15/2005 6:36 PM EST

I forgot to mention that the second sculpt of veers was rereleased this year in a Toys R Us exclusive 5 pack and I think that they will be rereleasing the 97 AT-AT with a new paint job.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 11/15/2005 6:41 PM EST

I used to live in Iselin (Woodbridge township), but only until I was almost 3…that was in 1985.  I think the Menlo Park Mall (around the corner in Menlo Park, New Jersey) is better.  Much better stores.  But still, it’s bigger than any of the malls in my area (south Jersey).

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 11/15/2005 8:17 PM EST

I gotta admit, I get a little woebegone when it’s been awhile since the last blogdate. I should so find another hobby…

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 11/15/2005 8:44 PM EST

Squee, as long as you don’t end up anywhere near Lake Woebegone, you’ll be fine. :D

Chestnuts roasted by Nicole @ 11/15/2005 9:06 PM EST

Matt- Have you ever reveiwed "A Christmas Story"? If not, you totally should this year.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 11/15/2005 9:21 PM EST

RIP Eddie. I loved ya.

Had to teach Grade 9 + 10 today- everyone was pretty sad about Eddie Guerrero’s passing…Such a downer.

MANIMAL- Did you also have a lot of upset students after RAW last night?

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 11/15/2005 9:54 PM EST

Muppet Baby- Where the hell do you teach? I don’t know of any 9th or 10th graders around here who even know who Hulk Hogan is. Well, besides me, but everyone calls me special so it must have something to do with that. Whenever I do my Randy Savage impersonation no one knows who I’m suppost to be so I tell them. Then I just get blank stares. My god, I’m so lonely.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 11/15/2005 10:10 PM EST

were all lonely lol, ur not alone, at least we all have eachother, anyways, R.I.P eddy, u were great, maybe the best entertainer there ever was

Chestnuts roasted by to darth poop @ 11/15/2005 10:54 PM EST

Good luck to those who  bought Mega Millions tickets.  Too bad my dumbass didn’t buy any tickets.  I could really use the 300 million some odd dollars right now…

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 11/15/2005 11:06 PM EST

Not that anyone cares, but Jones has let me know that the sodas should ALL be enjoyed at room temperature.

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 11/16/2005 2:05 AM EST

Today is your lucky day, everyone.  I just woke up, without getting my coffee, and ended up writing a rambling, largely incoherent manifesto on the topic of sock puppets.  But then I came to my senses and deleted it.  So for the rest of the day, when you don’t have a headache, you can thank me.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 11/16/2005 8:20 AM EST

Mmm… Turkey Wax.
I wish I could find the Jones Soda holiday pack around here, but we have no Target to go to in these parts.

Chestnuts roasted by MrsDanFielding @ 11/16/2005 8:36 AM EST

Menlo Park is better because it’s less crowded.  But it lacks one key ingredient… KB. :P

Chestnuts roasted by Double G @ 11/16/2005 9:14 AM EST

I sure hope I get to read a rambled, largely incoherent manifesto on the topic of sock puppets in the X-E blog today. That would really give me the headache I so desire…

Oh I see how it is. You’ve made a powerful enemy today, "Jedoc".

Chestnuts roasted by dohopoki @ 11/16/2005 11:12 AM EST

r.i.p mi amigo, u were the man!!!

Chestnuts roasted by resto en paz @ 11/16/2005 12:22 PM EST

wow raw was great, it put such a big smile to my face 2 see all the superstars paying tribute to eddy, cant wait for smackdown…take care everyone

Chestnuts roasted by version 1 @ 11/16/2005 12:24 PM EST

I love being secret.

Chestnuts roasted by kb @ 11/16/2005 2:06 PM EST

I live in the suburbs of Detroit and guess what? There are some tiny snow flakes comeing down! But they’re melting when they touch the ground :(

Chestnuts roasted by Darh Poop @ 11/16/2005 2:41 PM EST

Hey, my last post rhymed!

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 11/16/2005 2:42 PM EST

Someone Turkey-lipped my Chapstick!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 11/16/2005 3:34 PM EST

"Hey, you got your turkey on my lip balm!"

"Hey, You got your lip balm on my turkey!"

"…You are so sued."

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 11/16/2005 3:39 PM EST

that made me want a peanut butter cup

Chestnuts roasted by bitchpants @ 11/16/2005 4:34 PM EST

I’m a clerk at courthouse-and woman was testifying today and says that the dad lets kid watch movies like Killer clowns and Chucky- and the Lawyer who is old said “excuse me Chuncky’s??  uh  Chucky’s?” What is Chuncky’s . Could you clarify-I’m not familiar with Chuckys- Magistrate said “its okay court is familiar with Chucky. “ Thought I’d share that seems to fit in with site somwhow!-I thought it was funny.-Oh and whats better then rubbing turkey on your lips?-now u can take it on the go!
-RIP Eddy truly a unique inspration-Viva la raza

Chestnuts roasted by Q @ 11/16/2005 4:41 PM EST

I’m a clerk at courthouse-and woman was testifying today and says that the dad lets kid watch movies like Killer clowns and Chucky- and the Lawyer who is old said “excuse me Chuncky’s??  uh  Chucky’s?” What is Chuncky’s . Could you clarify-I’m not familiar with Chuckys- Magistrate said “its okay court is familiar with Chucky. “ Thought I’d share that seems to fit in with site somwhow!-I thought it was funny.-Oh and whats better then rubbing turkey on your lips?-now u can take it on the go!
-RIP Eddy truly a unique inspration-Viva la raza

Chestnuts roasted by Q @ 11/16/2005 4:41 PM EST

If you use Turkey and Gravy lip balm does it make you sleepy afterwards?

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 11/16/2005 5:16 PM EST

Sorry for the late post, It’s nice to see that your writing articles again Matty. Thanks.

Side note. If you type FALIURE on google and hit the "I’m Feeling Lucky" tab the funniest thing appears. Just thought you all might like to know.:)

Chestnuts roasted by Texican @ 11/16/2005 5:35 PM EST

Texican- when did Matt ever stop writing articles? And that software company is pretty screwed.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 11/16/2005 5:43 PM EST

Texican- You misspelled failure but when I copy and pasted your mistake something better came up. That’s what that software company thing had to do with.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 11/16/2005 5:46 PM EST

One kiss- turkey.
Second kiss- gravy.
Third kiss- mashed potatoes?
Alternate third kiss- stuffing instead of potatoes?
Fouth kiss- who wants pie!?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 11/16/2005 6:30 PM EST

KB, you are a well kept secret.  Hehe.

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 11/16/2005 7:38 PM EST

Yesirebobart-i’m a nosy inattentive kind of guy-so if it’s already listed make sure you blast me up.  What’s the next article going to be about??????????????

Chestnuts roasted by Mike the Great @ 11/16/2005 7:50 PM EST

Does anyone remember the name of this one old show on nick? It was hosted by a caucasion male with dark hair and co stared a puppet. I think the puppet was artsy looking and was pretty rude. The puppet lived in a little city which was on a table. The guy would walk around in front of the city and do stuff, like talk. I think that there might have been a few other puppets. I don’t really remember the show very well.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 11/16/2005 7:56 PM EST

I have Stewie singing "Hungry Eyes" running through my head and it won’t stop.  DAMN YOU ERIC CARMEN!!!!!  Next thing you know I’ll be singing "turn the radio up" or " all by myself" at the top of my lungs being dragged away in a straight jacket completely nude in the middle of a busy intersection in Kalamazoo, Michigan.  HOw’s that for your daily dose of randomness?

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 11/16/2005 8:05 PM EST

Darth Poop -
Weinerville, hosted by Marc Weiner.  I have an episode on DVD somewhere…

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 11/16/2005 8:11 PM EST

phunqsauce- If you had a straight jacket on I don’t think that you would be completely naked. Maybe the editor fell asleep during post production and some scenes got mixed up. Your naked and then all of a sudden you have a straight jacket on. That happens with me sometimes.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 11/16/2005 8:11 PM EST

CURSES!!!! FOILED AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 11/16/2005 8:14 PM EST

Jessica Marie- PRAISE JESUS! Thank you so much. For years I’ve wondered what the name of that show was. Thank you! I,"sob", I’m so happy. I can’t thank you enough! OH MY FUCKING GOD THANK YOU! What’s your adress. I have to send you a christmas card with a fifty in it.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 11/16/2005 8:15 PM EST

Darthpoop- that sounds like something i would’ve done after a quarter of shrooms back in the day……….

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 11/16/2005 8:17 PM EST

Hey Darth Poop, if I tell you I have the intro over on my website do I get cut into that Xmas card with a $50 in it?

http://www.mystiesplace.com/media/tvclips/weinerville.ram

Chestnuts roasted by Mystie @ 11/16/2005 9:46 PM EST

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