X-Entertainment's Christmas Season & Advent Calendar, 2008.

11/09/2005: Christmas Room Spray & X-E on TV!

It’s pouring out and I couldn’t be happier about it. Pouring rain, bright lightning, thunder that I swear is trying to form of coherent beat…I LOVE it. The rain tacked on about an extra 25 minutes to my already hideously long bus ride home from work, but for what I’m experiencing now — an open window with wet wind blowing at my head — it’s totally worth it. Because storms mean holidays in some roundabout way, I couldn’t resist the temptation to steer my filthy car towards a pharmacy before heading home, because only during Christmastime can a person like me conceivably spend half an hour browsing a pharmacy.

I picked up many fine items that will be covered in this very fine blog on a regular basis between now and whenever I get sick of Christmas, but it seemed fitting for no specific reason to give the first nod to Glade’s Glistening Snow room spray. The can’s been done up all purdy with snowy pinecone graphics and whatnot, but even when I bought it, I couldn’t help remarking to the 94 yr old woman standing behind me on line that “there was no way this shit smelled like fucking snow cause snow don’t fucking smell like anything,” to which she replied, “snow smells like water.” This situation may have played out more in my head than in real life, but that’s immaterial: It doesn’t smell like “snow” at all. It doesn’t even smell like anything the part of my brain most familiar with my nose might make up as a “snowy smell.” It doesn’t even smell Christmassy!

Though it does sort of remind me of Macy*s, and Macy*s reminds me of Christmas. I hate to go all Six Degrees of Santa on your asses, but considering the 2-for-1 special price, I’m giving Glade’s holiday effort an A+ with absolutely zero notes reading “you’ll spray your eye out.”

In other news:

I don’t have an encode of it made yet, but my latest spot is a sweepstakes tying in with that Zathura flick. Note the name of the shuttle — “X-E 79.” It’s spoken in the voice-over, too. Finally snuck a reference in!

EDIT: Here, now you can download it. Video is choppy and low rent, but it’s the best I can do at the moment. You’ll get the idea.

First of all, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who A) has an insanely long bus ride to and from work, and B) spends a half-hour or more browsing in pharmacies during holidays. For some reason, they always have great seasonal items. In fact, I was going to stop by the CVS in Wildwood on Friday to see what their Christmas section is like this year.

Second, nice job with the reference. Next time I’m at my parents’ house, I’ll point it out and grin like a fool when the rest of my family doesn’t get it.

I love rainstorms, too. They look nice, smell nice, and give you an excuse to sit inside and read mysteries.

Oh my gosh that is so awesome about the Zathura spot!!! My heart leaped when I read the "X-E on TV" headline up there! Hope I catch it.
I have only seen snow a sum total of one times. I mean, I’ve seen it on mountaintops, but I’ve never even seen it falling, so I’d have no idea of how it would smell. We don’t really get the great storms out here, just depressing gray wet days where everything starts flooding and sliding. They do say "holidays", I suppose.

I love the aftermath of storms. The smell, the cool air. Fuck’in A. Last year on Christmas day I sliced my left index finger open with an exacto knife. After getting three stitches I went to the local Right Aid. They had already marked their Christmas stuff down, including the extra toys they had for the holidays. I got a few transformers, Dirge, Devastator, and Grimlock. They didn’t transform, they were inarticulate figurenes of generation one transformers in robot mode but they were awsome none the less. Any one else ever find any great goodies at a drug store around christmas?

What is Glade’s next move? Chestnuts roasting on a open fire? The smell of freshly-ripped wrapping paper? Brussels sprouts?

I was really hoping that the Glistening Snow was actually spray-on snow that smelled like pine trees.

Still no regional holiday pack for me, despite the fact that I’ve been in and out of all of the local grocery stores enough time for them to have a picture of me on the break-room bulletin board.

Weird…I didn’t think your part of the state and my part of the state (Central NY) ever got the same weather, but it’s been storming like a bastard all day here. Just a sneak preview of the next, oh, ten months or so. Yay. I think snow smells like doom.

Awesome, you snuck in X-E! Sweet. You know, every time I see one of those commercials that run around on the Nick2 and Nicktoons channels with the "Nick employees" (I wonder if they do, in fact, work for Nick) doing stuff with cardboard cutouts of Nick characters–like playing ping-pong with Invader Zim–I think, Matt should so be in one of those. Hee.

well, that’s great matt-while you were sitting relaxing and generally enjoying yourself during the lovely rain storm-i was driving in it on my way to take a corporate finance test….What can be more relaxing than that??

Great spot, awesome you snuck a plug in for the site! Way to go.
I am already insanely excited for Xmas. Canadian Thanksgiving is over and done with, and tomorrow is my b-day, which I always consider as step 1 to the holidays.
The folks got me Season 1 of ‘The Muppet Show’ on DVD for my b-day- how sweet is that?
That, plus Xmas beginning on XE has me being a happy girl:)

I can’t get that video to work. I’ve got every other video to work from here but not this one.

Congratulations on the referrence, I hope that in small circles, it will be as cherised as the infamous "pizza with nothing" line. Hooray for the Christmas stuff; my holiday spirit has already been lifted two-fold!

My mom bought the Glistening Snow stuff last year. It is indeed worthless, and making a spray smell like nothing is a bad idea, because when it comes right down to it THESE THINGS ARE FOR DE-STINKING THE BATHROOM AFTER A BIG LOAD DUMP!!

They do make a pine tree scent spray; that is much better. I feel sorry for the readers here that can only experience that smell through a can.

On November 10th, 1775, the Second Continental Congress resolved to raise two battalions of Continental Marines marking the birth of our United States Marine Corps. As Major General Lejeune’s message reminds us, the ensuing generations of Marines would come to signify all that is highest in warfighting excellence and military virtue. Each November as Marines the world over celebrate the birth of our Corps, we pay tribute to that long line of “Soldiers of the Sea” and the illustrious legacy they have handed down to us.

This past year has been one of continuous combat operations overseas and distinguished service here at home—a year of challenges that have brought out the very best in our Corps. In Iraq and Afghanistan, Marine courage and mastery of complex and chaotic environments have truly made a difference in the lives of millions. Marine compassion and flexibility provided humanitarian assistance to thousands in the wake of the South East Asian tsunami, and here at home, Marines with AAVs, helicopters, and sometimes with their bare hands saved hundreds of our own fellow Americans in the wake of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. Across the full spectrum of operations, you have showcased that Marines create stability in an unstable world, and have reinforced our Corps’ reputation for setting the standard of excellence.

The sense of honor, courage, and patriotism that epitomized those who answered that first call to arms two hundred and thirty years ago is still indelibly imprinted on our ranks today. In commemorating our anniversary, let us strengthen our ties to the past by paying homage to those who have gone before us. As we honor the sacrifices of our wounded and fallen comrades, our commitment to one another remains unshakable. We take special pride in the actions of the Marines now serving in harm’s way, and rededicate ourselves to the service of our Nation and our Corps.

On November 10, 1775, a Corps of Marines was created by a resolution of the Continental Congress. Since that date, many thousand men have borne the name Marine. In memory of them, it is fitting that we who are Marines should commemorate the Birthday of our Corps by calling to mind the glories of its long and illustrious history.

The record of our Corps is one which will bear comparison with that of the most famous military organizations in the world’s history. During 90 of the 146 years of its existence, the Marine Corps has been in action against the Nation’s foes. From the Battle of Trenton to the Argonne, Marines have won foremost honors in war and in the long era of tranquility at home. Generation after generation of Marines have grown gray in war in both hemispheres and in every corner of the seven seas [so] that our country and its citizens might enjoy peace and security.

In every battle and skirmish since the birth of our Corps, Marines have acquitted themselves with the greatest distinction, winning new honors on each occasion until the term "Marine" has come to signify all that is highest in military efficiency and soldierly virtue.

This high name of distinction and soldierly repute we who are Marines today have received from those who preceded us in the Corps. With it we also received from them the eternal spirit which has animated our Corps from generation to generation and has been the distinguishing mark of the Marines in every age. So long as that spirit continues to flourish, Marines will be found equal to every emergency in the future as they have been in the past, and the men of our Nation will regard us as worthy successors to the long line of illustrious men who have served as "Soldiers of the Sea" since the founding of the Corps.

Yay for the X-E reference! Now I can totally name drop, about a guy none of us really know but feel we know because we spend so much time on his site, and how he fit that site into his commercial. And I totally will, too!

And Happy Birthday Muppet Baby! And to Lance Coporal Stephen A. Wallace, wherever you are out there. I guess this means you have to join the Marines Muppet Baby, as Mr. Wallace did.

Awesome! Yeah pharmacies do rock super hard during Christmas time. They’re always blating cheesy music and stocked full of themed candy. Cool commerical, too. The music was really pumped up so it kept me interested.

Glade’s "Mountain Snow" smells good, but I’ve never took a whiff of actual mountain snow. Maybe it actually has a scent. Or, maybe Glade is lying. I think they should come out with a "Glade Cannister" scent sometime. It should be very unnecessary.

I didn’t even notice that it’ll be the holiday season (or the Winter-Themed-Rest-Period as it will be deemed in a few years) soon. I think all this Christmas talk calls for the Hallmark Piano Snowman. That snowman just keeps on playing…

Now that there’s some post in between I can come out and admit that I got that video working about 3 seconds after I said it wouldn’t work. I didn’t really try the first time. To make up for this I spent all night reading X-E articles with the central theme of Star Wars.

Nice job Matt. When you’re a rich and famous producer, don’t forget to update the blog. It makes me laugh. Were the "mystery boxes" your idea? :) I too love pharmacies at Christmastime. Somehow they can incorporate the holidays into more products than other stores, and they always have 18 different shaped candy canes for sale.

Oh yeah, and about drug store goodies: there’s a Rite Aid right down the street from where I now work, so my whole office goes there a lot for snacks and stuff. One of the editors in my department who is a big kid, but of the annoying-in-anything-other-than-small-doses kind, continually buys little gadgets there to basically annoy the other editor with. His latest purchase? A plastic reindeer that when you press down on it, it makes jingle bell noises and poops out a little piece of Sweet Tart-like candy. It’s already been threatened with going out our 7th floor window, but I think it’s kinda cute. Now. Perhaps by December, I’ll feel differently.

Man, I wished I made commercials, since that’s what I was shooting for in college, but for now I’ll stick to scheduling them.

Great job there, but unrelated to your work, I hope this Zathura movie tanks it hard in the box office, just because of all the crap Sony Pictures put me through at work.

>>All this and a midnight show of Dorian Walker’s cult classic TEEN WITCH at the Egyptian. Some of the cast and crew will be on hand for this one, so be sure not to miss it!< <

Is it too much to hope for a personal appearance by Zelda Rubenstein? Is Zelda Rubenstein even still alive?

That ad gives me hope for either a X-E TV show or even a Channel. Nothing but old commercials and Lego people.
"Coming up on the X-E Network: A Very Sexy X-E X-Mas! Matt and the gang only have a day to find the perfect Christmas Chia, or the kids at the orphanage will get no Kool-Aid! Tonight on the X-E Network! We’re like the Chimp Channel, only with more hair!"

Great commercial. I thought the part about "eating lunch with an astronaut" was really funny. A couple years ago I had a former Apollo astronaut as a teacher for a class in college (and since I was a student hourly at the time my office was right across from his). The class was about resources in space and since he walked on the moon and was a geologist he got to teach it. Long story short: pretty boring (i.e. let’s spend class after class learning about what the moon is made of), and the guy was obsessed with his time on the moon. He just can’t get over it - kind of sad really.

Christmastime… is here.
La la la… la la.
Blah blah blah, and blah blah blah
Charlie Brown on teee veeee

I never liked air freshener sprays like Glade. Especially the one that smells like Lemons and you spray it in the bathroom. Nothing beats that Ass smell, so the whole bathroom smells like Lemons & Ass. If you walked in there, you would think a lemon just finished taking a dump in there. That’s a good image for ya.

Matt, that commercial looks awesome. Sadly, I’m at school and can’t download it. I’ll have to wait till later.

Link on my name goes to a Norbs Rant on Kid’s TV. You’ll like it, I promise.

I really enjoyed that commercial, Im glad you show your work to us here cause I dont get any Nick channel up here so I wouldnt be able to see them otherwise! X-E 79 very cool!

My mom found the Jones Soda Holiday packs in Target yesterday. She knew about them from me explaining them in great detail from this website. She said they don’t look so good. I agree.

Happy Birthday Muppet Baby! My old nemesis, so we meet again. Soon all of the blogs of the world will be ruined and there’s nothing you can do about it! HA HA HA! Shuttle Xe-79 please report your statis. Fuck’in A Matt.

Wow…looks like you’re out of luck, Jessica Marie. He’s a pretty reliable source.

Matt–they need more people like you in the commercials industry. That reminds me of old-school, unlike the tacky tripe you usually see on kids channels nowadays.

Damn you, Matt. I just got home from work, and it is officially snowing out there right now. For the first time since last winter. It has begun. *plays Taps*

I blame it entirely on your purchase of Glistening Snow Glade spray. I’d hate you if I didn’t love you so much.

I’m glad you told me, God, because you’re pretty much the only one who can stop my frantic search. Perhaps this is in my best interests - I’ll probably get arrested next time I go to Giant Eagle.

That commercial is great. I especially love the astronaut’s smacking their face plates with the food. On forks, no less. Are those NASA issued "space forks"?!

Anyway, since I’ve only been reading X-E for a couple of months this is the first time I really realized what you do. Is there a bigger explaination of your job somewhere on the site? Could someone point me there?

Frito- Around the time the site was started Matt made a living by selling things on e-bay. Right now he works in the advertising department at nickelodeon. He writes commercials. Yay.

D. Poop - Thank you. I didn’t know if he actually worked for Nick or an independent advertising agency. Pretty cool stuff. Is there anyone who had Nickelodeon as a kid that didn’t want to work for them?? I remember spending weeks trying to figure out how to get an audition for "All That". Heh.

Jessica Marie–
…
Lucky?
…
For having snow?! Really? I’d call it the beginning of the end, but I hate winter. I especially hate winter that lasts usually from Halloween to Mother’s Day. But snow does win me over for like the week before Christmas. Then after that, it’s back to hating it.

I live in a small hamlet (that’d be smaller than a village…we’re talking cow country here) just outside of Syracuse, NY. No, I am not Upstate. I am Central. Thankyouverymuch. Though Matt would consider me Upstate.

squee: your snow comment made me indescribably sad. So did Norbert’s lemon comment, but for entirely different reasons.
I don’t really know what I’d do without snow. Oh, that’s right. Attend college in Texas. At least I’ll be home (and chilly) for the holidays.

Aw, Jedoc, it’s okay. I’m a Cali girl born and raised so I don’t really miss the snow, but I do get a sort of false nostalgia for it around the holidays. You know, like that feeling people under 40 get listening to The Beatles?

Here in Oklahoma we get maybe a total of two weeks of snow. Most of the winter precipitation is sleet and ice so it’s a treat to get snow. In fact, I get really jealous of the Northeast when I watch MTV or something and see these people in front of these picture windows with the most beautiful white snow falling everywhere.

snow is nothing to be jealous of. unless hazardous driving conditions and falling down a lot make you jealous. perhaps i’m a little bitter since i live on Mt. Washington and i’m pretty much trapped at home from november until march. and last year, it snowed on my birthday… in April. that should be illegal. but i guess it would we weird to not have snow for the holidays. i’d miss it.

I’ve been in Wisconsin my whole life, so I’ve gotten relatively used to the frigid winter weather. The good news is that now that I’m graduated and working I don’t have to walk to class anymore, but now I drive 20-25 minutes each way to work so I’ll have to brave the dangers of ice-covered roads. In the past couple winters though there’s beeon one or two weeks of just bitter, bitter cold where it’s physically painful to even be outside even if you’re bundled up from head to toe. Ugh.

Gozer, I totally hear you. Last winter here in Syracuse had some unbearably cold days. As in, days where the simple act of breathing in caused my nostrils to freeze together. Not fun. Not fun at all.

Where I went to college (Oswego NY) was even worse, because it was on the shore of Lake Ontario…you haven’t lived till you’ve been practically blown to class during a lake effect snowstorm.

and you really haven’t lived until you sit through tailgating and a Steeler game when it’s literally 8 degrees outside. thank you alcohol, for giving me the illusion of warmth

Hahaha, bitchpants. You definitely beat my lame "winter sucks" story.

Alcohol: it has so many uses. Try some today!

(On a completely unrelated note…Matt! Going through what I’ve missed *sniff*…and I almost went to the very same horror convention in Jersey, but alas, I did not have the fundage. To think I could have met you. Would you have charged me $20 to autograph an old package of Kool-Aid? :D)

Snow smells like my hurt back. Yet, I do love it. You poor bastards and your pretend christmases with no snow!

And now, to make you feel a bit better, a Peanuts Christmas mash-up from last year…

Help!
I’ve also been looking for the xmas song about the "sombrero is too big"! I cannot find it anywhere, and don’t know the official name. If anybody knows please tell me. I noticed someone made reference to the Christmas Jukebox? How do I access it?

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