Hi Guys,

Where do you get this stuf in Europe?

Chestnuts roasted by Hans from Amsterdam @ 11/23/2005 3:56 AM

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Hi Guys,

Where do you get this stuf in Europe?

Chestnuts roasted by Hans from Amsterdam @ 11/23/2005 3:56 AM

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Here’s my review of it:
I deserve a purple heart. I have survived evil incarnate. I did not think that they would meet my expectations. They were FAR worse. This is some pretty nasty sh*t right here. Unfortunately, I only had 2 and a half taste testers. The general consensus for cranberry was pretty good.

Here’s some quotes about Cranberry soda from my taste-testers:
Tester #1-"It was pretty good the first couple times but then it just tasted bad at the end. You could probablly stomach it every day."

Tester #2- "It was Ok. I thought it was good. The best one–not saying much."

Me: It wasn’t too awful. I’d say that Oceanspray and even V8 splash are better but it is tolerable. I’d have it again.

TURKEY AND GRAVY! ( Liquid hell mixed with arsonic!)

We all agreed we would never touch this sh*t again. Really. It was bad. In fact it wasn’t just bad–it was almost a sin to touch this stuff. It is nothing like turkey. It tasted like mashed up sh*t mixed with sugar and onions. Add some dead animals to that too. Here’s what my brave testers had to say…

Tester #1-"I thought it was the nastiest thing I’d ever tasted until I got to the next few. Seriously. You almost don’t want to drink it after you smell it."

Tester #2- "This was one of the nastiest things I’ve ever tasted. Absolute crap. If somebody asked me to eat this again I would kill them."

Me: About on par with what I expected from it. Yes it tasted like turds with lemons and venicen. It smells quite bad. So bad in fact, that tester #1 gagged after sniffing it. It wasn’t worse then I thought it would be though. I never want to eat Turkey again. So far, I’m quite pleased with this pack. It meets all my expectations of disgusting TCP type crap.

WILD HERB STUFFING:
Stuffing didn’t smell half bad. In fact, it smelled alot like Lysol. It probablly tasted like Lysol does as well. Wild Herb Stuffing had me disappinted. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I had predicted. It was pretty weak. Here are our thoughts…

Tester #1-"Tasted like watered down lemon cleaner. Probablly the second best."

Tester #2-"It tasted a lot like swallowing a whole gallon of the toothpaste at the Dentist’s office and reminded me physically of Vodka."

Me: It was nothing. I still had my game face on at this point. Little did I know that the smell of Brussels Sprout would stay with me and haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life and the taste of Pumpkin Pie would leave me gasping for air.

BRUSSELS SPROUT:
Taste Tester #1 insisted that we have Brussels Sprouts before Pumpkin Pie to end with a good taste in our mouth, (how wrong she was!). This was indeed the worst to most of us and the smell and taste continually keeps returning to me. I’m scarred for life.

Tester #1-"This was so bad. I couldn’t even have a sip of it without washing it over with Gatorade. I seriously threw up in my mouth. It tasted like crap. The worst thing I have ever tasted in my entire life tied with Escargot."

Tester #2-"Brussles Sprouts…At first the smell made me think that it was made by someone insane. As soon as I drank it I realized that the taste and recipe had originated from Hell itself. It tasted like melted diarreah–seriously. Never drink it unless you wish to throw up or you’re crazy like Matt."

Me-"Am I crazy? I remeber quite well after the initial gagging the clutching my throat the flavor of the soda and my exact words. "Holy Good Lord! My God! GOD! Sh*t! Ughhh!" Yes it was a memorable experience. I’ll leave the flavor to imagination. I can’t begin to describe it. It was the worst thing I’ve ever drank though I might have to give the heavy hitting title to Pumpkin Pie now that I’m thinking of it.

PUMPKIN PIE
We had grown since we first embarked on our journeys of Jones Soda. We started our journey cocky and naive. By the end, we were totally humble and seeking therapy. Pumpkin Pie took us by surprise. I still feel sick and I bet that if I crapped on a plate and liquified it, it wouldn’t taste as bad as these did. We thought it would be a way to end with good flavors in our mouths. We were VERY wrong. Pumpkin Pie was worse than the first 3 flavors mixed together. The worst part is, I am half tempted to do the whole thing over, although my taste testers are not.

Tester #1- "This is almost as bad as brussels sprout because it has such a nice name, and the real food tastes decent, but it is really really bad. If you ever try this have something good to eat/drink handy. After I tasted it, I ran around wildly( after getting off the floor) stuffing pretzels in my mouth."

Tester #2- "I have just 2 things to say…. the 1st is that if someone is holding a gun to your head, threatening this soda, just get shot. The second is that if you ever have to drink this, have a good stick handy to shove down your throat to make you throw up."

Me: Ummm… I will never eat pumpkin pie again. EVER. The worst part is that it was actually sweet. I am the only one who tasted the sweetness because my taste testers were on life support (also Tester #1 gave me a whole cup full) It was salty, sugar, mango, moldy crust. The interesting thing about these sodas is that no two people will describe them the same way. I have a new vision of hell, and it’s floating neck high in Brussels Sprout mixed with Pumpkin Pie soda. Jones Soda–You f**ked us.

Final Thoughts: I want to go to Church. It WAS every bit as bad as the hype said it would be. My rankings are: (from weakest to worst)
1. Cranberry
2. Stuffing
3. Turkey
4. Pumpkin Pie
5. The Brussels Sprouts
And now that it’s done…I reccommend everyone go buy some for some Yuletide wretching. We laughed, we nearly cried and we nearly needed respirators. Yep. Jones Soda was worth every penny. I had fun. When I mentioned there was a Salmon Pate flavor in existence though my taste testers both chorused "F**k you!" and left the room. Happy Holidays.

Chestnuts roasted by AnotherguynamedMatt @ 11/23/2005 11:37 PM

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I was a clown in Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus in 2005, and as a morale before we did the State Street Thanksgiving Parade in Chicago, I brought this holiday pack backstage.

Since it was so early, and we all had a big day ahead of us, I drank 4 out of the 5 sodas myself to entertain my fellow clowns and other entertainers. I had the Turkey & Gravy, Cranberry, Pumpkin Pie, and Wild Herb Stuffing, one right after the other, and I can honestly say that the Stuffing soda was probably the worst thing I’ve EVER tasted.

In the end, I made around $30 for drinking them, another guy got $15 for drinking the Brussels Sprout, and I ended up having to pee like a racehorse.

Also, I continued the tradition this year at the Disney-MGM Studios, where I work in Streetmosphere, and the highlights were the Antacid and getting a vegetarian friend to drink the Turkey & Gravy with me!

Chestnuts roasted by Lil' B @ 11/25/2006 11:28 PM

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