X-Entertainment's Christmas Season & Advent Calendar, 2008.

11/06/2005: The Jones Soda Holiday Pack: 2005!

Yeah, of course I was all over this. It’s the second coming of a new Yuletide tradition: The Jones Soda Holiday Pack, 2005! You should remember the review of last year’s edition — this year, I’ve bagged up our old pal Viv and four other brave taste-testers to embark on an adventure filled with Brussels sprout soda, and herb stuffing soda, and turkey soda, and all sorts of soda that will MAKE YOU CRAZY WACKO WACKO. It’s worth noting that the review reflects the national version of the 2005 Holiday Pack. There’s also a rarer regional version hitting select stores this week, with even grosser flavors. I might not shoot my wad or whatever on two big Jones Soda articles in such a short period of time, but you can bet that I’ll be tracking that sucker down, and when I do, you’ll hear. Enjoy!

I love it when you update just as I get here. That picture of Brussels Sprout & Prosciutto is making me want to vomit.

YES MAN I LOVE THESE SODAS i’m so freakin happy thanks matt plus i got 3 packs of them i picked up from target!

Any chance we could get a picture of the iguana wearing the hat? That sounds precious

I don’t know why anyone would want to make Brussels Sprout soda. It sounds terrible.

WTF? Vanilla Coke was the only Coke I could drink without contemplating suicide. Before you ask, all Pepsi tastes like shit too.

All the people who got their holiday packs are making me seethe with so much jealousy I can taste it. (It tastes like turkey.) I MUST have that soda.

andrew — in my portion of the "hell hole" that is pennsylvania, i have 3 targets in a 20 mile radius. and i happen to like it here, thank you!

Matt: I also pronounced Brussels Sprout as Brussel Sprouts so you’re not alone there.

They’re getting rid of those Cokes due to low sales and replacing it with Black Cherry Vanilla Coke. I posted a link in one of the articles below this one for the full story.

All I can say on the Jones Soda Pack is what I said last year…god, Matt, you have some brave co-workers.

Yeah, I’m gonna miss Vanilla Coke, too. I don’t care if my mother says it tastes nothing like real Vanilla Coke made in a drugstore, or if I’ve seen it less and less in the past couple of years. That’s one of the only sodas I drink on a close to regular basis. The Black Cherry Vanilla Coke does sound good, though.

I must be in the minority…I hate Vanilla coke. Oh sure, the first swig tastes ok, but by the time I’m halfway through with the bottle, I feel sick…

I’m slowly dying because none of the stores that carries the regional pack is close to where I live (the traffic I’d have to endure to get to the closest store - with no guarantee it would be there - totally isn’t worth it.) However, just this weekend we were visiting with some of my husband’s family and we were actually in a shopping center that has one of the stores that supposedly carries it. I was SO CLOSE! It’s weird that I want to try these even though I can pretty much guarantee I’ll heave (or worse.) (I can’t even get down cherry creme Maalox without throwing it back up.) Still, it’s an experience I want to say I tried.

Here in Quebec/New Brunswick, we can only get Jones soda at a CLOTHING store called Bootlegger….is it easy to find elsewhere?

Ick, Vanilla Coke. First try when it’s cold is bad, second and third are too, same when it’s warm. I didn’t think there could be a worse soda flavor than Cactus Cooler until I tried Vanilla Coke.

Regional? Oh no. I was so happy when I found this year’s pack. Now I find that there’s another kind that I probably won’t get. Thanks, Matt. You’ve ruined Thanksgiving and whatever holiday comes after that for me. Now I may actually have to drink this crap and hope that it kills me.

I’m actually afraid that I’ll like the Brussel sprout soda. And I won’t be able to drink it again without paying another $12 for it.

Grr. My Target doesn’t have the pack yet! But I’m checking back frequently…. Especially after reading the article, I can’t wait to wrap my lips around that poison.

Reading that article with Charlie Brown Christmas music playing makes it seem like it’ll all be OK in the end.

As soon as I get out of this hell-hole of Pennsylvania (no Target’s for miles) and back to NY, I’m def grabbing a few cases.

Point taken-sorry. These things must be pretty good huh? I keep seeing Target, is this the only place you can get them?

Settling in for the Sunday night graveyard shift. This article will keep me from suicide, thank you.

Those seem so disgusting…no offense but I think the testers really do hate you. Are the regionals at select Targets, or what?
Vanilla Coke is probably the only recently introduced flavor I’ve actually enjoyed, why oh why are they getting rid of it?

The Jones Soda website will soon (as in late Monday/Tuesday) have a store locator on their site for both Holiday Packs. Though interesting enough, the associated Google ads on this page and the article page contain a link to a site where you can buy it now…albeit at over double the retail.

I hope you are kidding about the Salmon pate flavor. Otherwise that is some fucked-up shit right there.

I was going to comment on that, saying it’s smart of Jones to get goooooooooooogle ads since they’ll be the talk of the blogs all over again. Those crazy geniuses.
(Whatcha think of tonight’s Rome? Perfect buddy movie moments with Lucius and Titus :))

Let’s face it. Viv is brave. She came back for another year. The rest are either brave or can’t say no to Matt. We will find out next year!

Gracias..Well I’m sold. The last thing I tasted that was supposed to taste like food was those Jelly Beans, I swear those popcorn ones tasted like feet. Any suggestions or should I just start substituting these sodas for meals!

This article makes me want to bust open my pack right now, but it looks so festive as my dining room table centerpiece.

Holy Jesus. That article made me laugh out loud. That "mixed with shit" comment, was almost as good as the "side of dirty ass" comment from last year. I actually use that now when I try to describe something that tastes gross. Now I have a new one.

Some of you might know, but they sell this stuff at Starbucks. At least the Stasrbucks across the street from where I live….

Matt, I demand a picture of this Iguana wearing a Santa hat! Seriously, don’t cheat me out of my lifes desire!

And I swear I will one day try a Jones Holiday soda thing. I don’t care how awful it’s supposed to taste, I can’t live until I’ve tasted something as awkward as mashed potatoes and butter soda.

My Target sells Jones Soda in cans, and only of the regular flavors :Green Apple, Orange Cream, Black Cherry, and regular and Diet Cola.

Otherwise, to find Jones Sodas in their other flavors and in bottles, you got to go to the local coffee shop/comic book shop that sells them individually.

What doesn’t help the situation is the use of the ‘goatse’ image in the page’s background image. (Scroll down slowly from the top of the page, keep an eye on the bg image that appears on the left side of the page… that ain’t no mint leaf…)

I was ready to make an extra trip out to Target after work after reading the bit about the regional flavors, but after seeing the flavors I don’t think I’d have the guts to even buy the pack even if they do carry it out here. Maybe I’m just not brave enough - I refused to even look for last year’s Jones sodas, the Halloween Jones flavors, or those bad-tasting "Harry Potter" jelly beans my friends got once. I’m sorry, but I’m not too keen on going out of my way to eat something gross.
By the way - the Christmas jukebox looks pretty good so far. I’m not quite sure when I’ll be ready for Christmas music though - maybe December 20th?

No matter how gross you guys make these things sound, I’m as curious as Mr. Whiskers, to taste Turkey and Gravy in a bottle-I’m a gambling man by nature and so I’m ready to cope if it ends up tasting like turkey vomit with a dash of urine- or something in that ballpark. Wish me luck!!

HOPY JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST. And just when I thought I was just gonna get the Regular pack now, I hear there’s a rarer kind…

And like last year, I hope it gets on fark, but I got a feeling it won’t be me greenlighting it.

Sigh…I’ve missed out again. I missed the Holiday Pack last season, this year’s Halloween, and now this.

im running out to target first thing tomorrow morning to pick me up a box of this shit.. hell yeah.

The reason nobody is finding the regional pack at Target: it’s not available at Targets.

All this talk about Holiday Soda has me wondering, does anyone know if we’ll be seeing a return of Holiday Spice Pepsi this year???

Now that’s a new definition of "Hard Drinkin’" for the old kingklash dictionary/encyclopedia/recipies for indian tacos.

Aww. Viv is still so cute. You should see the frightening line-up of undead, morbidly obese jackals I’m forced to work with.

I got the regional pack, but I haven’t summoned the courage to actually crack a bottle yet.

Thanks a bunch, mtrox! It looks like there’s theoretically a store that sells the stuff right in the viscinity of where I was gonna get dinner tonight! I don’t know if I’ll actually buy the stuff but I want to see it up close.

The Store Locater (thanks mtrox) says selected World Market stores have it. I called the nearest one and the woman was frustrated because I’m not the first person to call and they don’t have it. She said the downtown store might. Grr.

Speedway might have them. There’s one down the street. I can’t believe I’m going to be going to a gas station for disgusting cola.

And Eric — I’d love to send you some Jones Soda, but I think it might be a threat to the respective internal stabilities of the U.S. and Germany. I don’t want to be labeled a terrorist. Again.

And I spelt/said Brussels Sprout as "Brussle Sprouts" as well, until I viewed the article. Nice going.

I can even see the flovors-
Rosted chestnut dressing
Gingerbread
Roasted Turkey or Honey glazed ham
Stuffed Mushrooms
Candycane
and to top it all off a nice glass of…

Am I the only one who doesn’t want this shit after reading the article(s)? Seriously, no one in there right mind would want this stuff and you guys are complaining about not being able to find it. Sounds like the perfect excuse not to get it to me.

It’s like watching the aftermath of a car wreck when you’re driving down the road. It’s gruesome, it’s awful, it’s bloody; and yet you still can’t help sticking a straw into it and slurping it down.

I got my pack a week ago but i’ve been WAITING for this review before drinking then. Now I can go in petrified rather than thinking "eh, they’re just harmless soda pops." P.S. Matt I think at the end you should mix all the flavors into a shot glass and down it. That’d be awesome!

No, doho, you’re not alone…I saw and snapped a pic of the national Pack at my local Target last week but was able to resist the urge, at least momentarily. Actually I do still want to BUY it, I just have no desire to drink the foul stuff.
A big jealous Napoleon Dynamite "Lucky!" to those of you who have Targets that stock canned Jones year-round. Why not my store? I’ve got a fever for the flavor of Fufu Berry.

Marty writes like a girl. Tell him that the next time you see him Matt. Then take him down with one hit to the stomach and steal his socks.

I don’t think Jones Soda actually makes it to Louisiana, but I could be wrong. If so, I shudder to think about the possibilities for regional flavors.

I’m with dohopoki on this one. I can’t understand why anyone would want to track those disgusting things down. Just thinking about them makes me feel queezy. To each his own I guess…

Yes, X-E gang, I am back. I started my new job last Monday, and I havent really been online. I’m working as a secretary, and Im EXTREMELY bored already. After a week. I already started looking through the Want Ads, and my dad found a position for an entry-level Marketing coordinator. I’m qualified for it, so we’ll see what happens.

I’m pretty courageous to try any food or drink (within reason, of course), but I dont know if my stomach can handle some of these flavors. Im also allergic to caffeine, so these would have to be declared "Caffeine Free" for me to brave them. Love the fancy, holiday-esque font that says "Drop a comment?"

I love the choice of names for the brave taste testers. They are brave souls. Matt, if I worked with ya, I would have gladly volunteered to taste test the drinks.

Muppet Baby, I’d question the legitimacy of a store called "Bootlegger…" next to the black-market Calvin Klein Jeans and Louis Vitton purses sewn by the tiny, delicate fingers of Korean children…we have…JONES SODA!!!! Yikes.

The iguana wearing the Santa hat must be precious. Speaking of "Precious," got 2 great irrelevant stories about Precious Moments…my former best friend’s mom puts christmas hats on her Precious Moment figurines…I’m serious! And, my brother’s former best friend’s dad bought the friend’s mom a Precious Moment for Christmas one year…and it was black!!!!! (They’re white, BTW–so are we) His excuse? The Precious Moment had a tan!!

Just checking in. It’s been awhile.
I have actually been busy the last 2 Saturday nights, hence, no SNT. Had the family Halloween party (cookout) 2 weeks ago and then was in Savannah this past weekend.
Found some good Halloween stuff on clearance at MEDIA PLAY and TARGET. 75% off baby. The Savannah TARGET had an entire wall dedicated to the JONES HOLIDAY SODA. I didn’t pick any up though since my entertainment money was tied up in Halloween clearance stuff. Never did get my X-E Halloween envelope though :(.

Looking forward to the Macy T-Day review. I love all of the downloads but, for whatever reason, that STARLIGHT EXPRESS (?) is the one that sticks out.

Um, err, anyways… Matt, ever wonder if your write-up of Jones’ soda last year helped push a some of those sales? In some weird, perverse way? Heck, I bought lots of awful videos you have reviewed here, just because they were, well, awful.

the boyfriend won "Small Wonder" DVDs off of Ebay. That’s what we did on Saturday night, watched 5–count ‘em 5–episodes of Small Wonder. the previous Saturday was spent watching He-Man. Of course, all this stuff must be done before SNL starts. I NEVER miss SNL.

Anyone watch SNL Goes Commercial 2005? It was really good–the Handi-Off one is a classic!! I’m always completely grossed out by the fingers falling off. "Hey Shiela! Pick you up at six?" "Let’s make it five!" they also showed Homocil (my Advertising Class’ favorite 2 years ago–we had a guy in class who said "who wants creme brulee?!") and "Ooops I Crapped My Pants." Next Sunday, they are showing "SNL The 1980s" in Prime time. They showed a clip of Dana Carvey and Dennis Miller on "Update." You best believe I’ll be watching this.

I’m going to see Howie Mandell on Friday night!! I wonder if he’ll walk around Tropicana doing his hidden camera thing. It would be funny if he sat next to me at a slot machine–I would recognize him immediately. Anyone have anything they want me to shout during the show? I yelled "DENNNNNISSSSSSSS! I love you!" (I’m not attracted to the guy, I just like to be funny) during Dennis Miller, "JAAAAAAAAY!" during Jay Leno, and RIIIIICHARD!" during Richard Jeni. I’m seeing George Carlin next month–but I heard his special on HBO stunk the other night.

Pittsburghers:
I went to Giant Eagle at the Waterfront to pick up a regional pack and couldn’t find any. Has anyone tried anywhere else, or are they just not on the shelves yet?

Yes of course I am jazzed for GoF, though only for the "yay for Harry Potter on the big screen with adorable little actors" factor…I’m not expecting the movie to even come close to the book, of course. I actually got up at 5:40 this morning to try and win some tickets to a preview screening, so I can’t play like I’m not hopping with excitement, but I don’t think it’s going to be out of control awesome.

the Handi-Off one is a classic!! I’m always completely grossed out by the fingers falling off. "Hey Shiela! Pick you up at six?" "Let’s make it five!" they also showed Homocil (my Advertising Class’ favorite 2 years ago–we had a guy in class who said "who wants creme brulee?!" and "Ooops I Crapped My Pants." Next Sunday, they are showing "SNL The 1980s" in Prime time. They showed a clip of Dana Carvey and Dennis Miller on "Update." You best believe I’ll be watching this.

I saw it too. Lots of good ones: Schmidt’s Gay, the ones you said above, Colon Blow (one of Phil Hartman’s Best commerical segments), Grayson-Moorhead Financial, Litter Critters, Trump’s House of Wings, Buh Wheet Sings, Cluckin’ Chicken, Old Glory Robot Insurance (a personal favorite), and of course: Happy Fun Ball.

The turkey = the jukebox! Are there gonna be any changes this year? Looks like this one is the same as last season’s. Still, super awesome!

The following announcement is due to Erik’s thirst for Jones Soda and he needs your help:

Thanks for thinking of sending me some delicious Jones Soda Lisa Marie, it wouldn’t spawn an international incident, that would only happen if you send it to France.

Here is my deal Matt and fellow X-E readers. I’m willing to drink all ten flavors (both editions of the Holiday Pack) and give a review of each one. I won’t wuss out like Matt’s tasters, I’ll try a whole bottle of a flavor. Hell, I’ll make a video of me downing every drop and report back to you.

Erik-
You could try ebay, and I’m pretty sure if you attempted to drink a whole bottle of any (except maybe cranberry) violent vomitting would follow. They’re REALLY bad.

Jessica Marie- try the Target by Century III Mall, they seem to have more stuff than any of the others in the area.

Allison– i think it would be better if you yelled "Dennis i love you" during the howie show.

I, too, was among the "Brussel Sprouts" crowd. I feel like such an ass. Won’t be able to get to a target for a couple of weeks, and by then they’ll probably be sold out of the Jones Soda. And according to the website, they don’t offer the regional sodas here in Oklahoma. Damn this state.

And Allison–I am totally with you, I love the Handi-Off one! Though since you’ve been gone for awhile, I figured I’d fill you in–X-E has "SNT"–Saturday Night Thread. So those of us home on Saturday night can post on here. While watching SNL, of course!

ARRGGHH! Allison, when was that on? Was it Saturday night? If so, I’m now even MORE annoyed that my husband made us stay with the in-laws until Sunday instead of letting us come home on Saturday. Seriously, I’ve been waiting for years for them to update the last one and I’m constantly saying, "I wonder when they’re going to do a new one." Then they did it and I didn’t even know. Isn’t this the kind of thing my TV Guide is supposed to highlight for me? I don’t subscribe for my health. Maybe I’ll luck out and they’ll put it on DVD. "Oops I Crapped My Pants" is one of my absolute favorites of all time. ("Let’s pretend this pitcher of iced tea is a gallon of your feces…")

If you can post your email or something similar, I will send you my information and we will find a way to get you ALL of the holiday sodas. I promise.

The following announcement is basically another pleading and or begging on the part of Erik J. Majorwitz for some Jones Soda Holiday Pack:

I’m not scared, not one bit I tell you what. I’m not afraid of a little vomit, I have a 4 month old son for Christ Sakes! I’ve eaten MREs when I was in the Marines along with bugs and other various gross things. Here in Germany I’ve drank beers I never knew existed, sparkling water that tastes terrible, and with my son’s baby formula to boot. Again, I’m not scared, bring it on Jones Soda!!!

That’s pretty awesome, Mister X (if that’s your real inital). Send him the Halloween sodas too…he missed out on them this year too.

And I’ll offer to do one better, I’ll get both sets myself (as I’m actually near places that have them) and review all 9 flavors myself (Turkey & Gravy is the only one in both packs).

Of course Erik will drink whole bottles of Jones, he’s a Marine!
One SNL ad I liked was the one bit with Leslie Nielson where he was shilling product after product in one sitting. Like DripMaster adult diapers and Bun King hemorroid creme. "In fact, I’m relieving myself…….. right now." And Little Chocolate Donuts are also on my training table.

The best part of the entire review is Granger’s facial expression in the post-Turkey photo. Somehow, that look is precisely how I would imagine someone who just drank turkey-flavored soda water to look. It’s the Platonic Ideal of Horrid Drink Reactions.

By the way, I haven’t noticed this mentioned here yet (my apologies if I just missed it) but Lifetime is doing a 20th anniversary Golden Girls marathon on Friday (noon-11 EST). My TV Guide DID tell me that.

Speaking of SNL commercials, what about the "Big Red" game, cookie dough Gatorade, and Crystal Gravy? Classics.

I just checked the Giant Eagle in the Edgewood Towne Centre, no go for the regional packs.
bitchpants - the regional packs are only in ShopnSaves and Giant Eagles. Or Giant Iggles..

Speaking of SNL commercials, what about the "Big Red" game, cookie dough Gatorade, and Crystal Gravy? Classics.

Holy Crap, I forgot about Cookie Dough & Crystal Gravy, the nerve of them not putting them in!! The Crystal Gravy ad is right up there on the same level of creepiness as Cluckin’ Chicken, Cookie Dough, and Handi-off, if not the most disturbing SNL ad ever! I also forgot to mention they showed the one for the Luxury Deluxe II, where the rabbi performed a bris in the car.

This also reminds me they left off 3 more very awesome ones: The Paradox, the car for Crazy People, and Nerf Crotch Bats.

Anyone still have any Mountain Dew Pitch Black or Pepsi Holiday Spice? I seem to recall some guy on Mountain was going to live in Pitch Black Darkness for a month. Anyone know how he turned out?

Oh and just to prove I’m not just a freebie man-ho, I love SNL too. See, I’m paying attention.

Great article! I love reading everyone’s reaction. Regarding Vanilla Coke, I thought it was good and now am pissed that it gone. That sucks!

my bad Jessica Marie! i’ll keep an eye out for them this weekend when i’m grocery shopping and let you know what i come up with

Vanilla Coke is being replaced by black cherry vanilla coke… pointless but… with cherries.

I can’t wait for Diet Caffeine-free Black Cherry Vanilla Coke Zero II with Lime.

Oh man - I just remembered one of my other favorite SNL commercials. It’s where Will Ferrell’s character runs a dog obedience program called Dale Sturtevant’s "Dissing Your Dog: How To Train Your Puppy with Mockery and Verbal Humiliation". Hilarious.

Oh man - I just remembered one of my other favorite SNL commercials. It’s where Will Ferrell’s character runs a dog obedience program called Dale Sturtevant’s "Dissing Your Dog: How To Train Your Puppy with Mockery and Verbal Humiliation". Hilarious.

That was there, in the clsoing credits no less. The Bass-o-matic, sadly, was not.

"Dissing your Dog" was classic. Lori, you missed out on a great special. I’m sure they’ll air it again soon. You guys named good commercials!!!

Bitchpants–Love the suggestion on what to yell for Howie Mandel! Hysterical! Hehe!

Have you tried the "Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans"? They are made by Jelly Belly jelly beans. They have such flavors as "earwax, booger, dirt, earthworm, grass, black pepper, vomit, spinach, and sardine. If you want to test your taste buds, you need to give them a shot. I chickened out on a few of them, but the few I tried (grass, dirt, sardine) REALLY, REALLY do taste like they say… my brother warns that EARTHWORM gives you heartburn and you’ll be belching it up all night.

For the people dissing vanilla coke:
I love it, its perfect to mix with vanilla vodka (tastes just like candy) and it mixes really well with rum too…so there! Pepsi vanilla is decent to; a little sweeter though. Are they going to discontinue these flavors? They are getting harder to find.

P.S. MATT, are you still working on the Friday the 13th part 3 article?…I need to relive a little Halloween glory before the season of consumption begins or am I too late?

Oh…now after reading some more I noticed that vanilla coke is getting discontinued. Can’t say I’m to excited for black cherry vanilla whatever. I am a huge fan of Dr Pepper but was not to impressed with the vanilla cherry shit.

The SNL Goes Commerical specials were great. I dubbed my old copy of the very first SNL Goes Commercial special to DVD a few weeks ago (I think it was the first, it was the second airing but was the same show.) Just curious, would others like a copy of this? I thought about throwing it up on bittorrent for others to download. It featured Victoria Jackson (what a babe!) and some old NBC producer in between segments bantering back and forth about how she had to do the special and isn’t getting paid for it (she also introduces the Handi-Off spot.)

I like the Basset Hound on the chair in the "Dissing Your Dog" sketch. "Oh no, Humphrey, don’t get up. After all, you put in a long hard day at the office…oh wait, that’s me! I’m the one with the job…you just it around all day in a puddle of your own slobber."

The 1st SNL Goes Commercial aired in 1991, with Kevin Nealon and Victoria Jackson as the esteemed host. Will Ferrell hosted the 2nd installment in November 1998, which aired during Thanksgiving weekend (I dubbed it off of TV in ‘98, and they were promoting "Thanksgiving Weekend" programming on NBC). The specials are actually in the actors’ contracts–they do not get paid to host them, rather they are part of their job as "Not Ready for Prime Time Players." Warren Littlefield (the guy who almost killed Quantum Leap) was the NBC Exec.

I do the "Hey Sheila! Pick you up at six?"/"Let’s make it five!" lines from "Handi-Off" pretty good. My SNL:The First 20 Years Book has pictures and scripts of the commercials, and there is a pictures of the fingers rotting off.

yes i too was waiting a wilma betty joke. I just picked up my pack of jones but am waiting for a special occasion to partake

Just curious how sould I drink this holiday pack? Warm, cold or totally smashed? And if I am smashed, should I drink the sodas warm or cold?

Brad, I’d drink them sober and cold. Or is that cold and sober? Anyway, I can only imagine what "Brussels Sprout" or "Turkey and Gravy" flavored drinks would do to a stomach already full of liquor…

Well I found the regional pack at a Super America gas station. I really wanted to buy it, but I just couldn’t spend $4 a bottle. Yeah, they want 20 bucks for it.

Here in Toledo, OH they have the regional one with corn on the cob, salmon pate, pecan pie, brocolli cassarole, turkey and gravy, and cranberry. I think everyone else got the better end of the deal. I’ll take brussels sprout over brocolli soda…

Sadly, "HG" was not among the testers this year. Nice article anyway, though. Interesting office you work in, too. Looks like the back of a comic book store or something.

Okay, I tried the holiday pack with friends tonight. Here were my thoughts as I drank them:

Turkey and Gravy - Huh, kind of tastes like pureed turkey and gravy, only carbonated. I can do this.

Wild Herb Stuffing - Holy mother of god, it tastes like bile with a bit of thyme and rosemary in it.

Brussel Sprouts - Hmm, not too - Oh my sweet Jesus, it’s like I’m throwing up but it’s not stopping!

Cranberry Relish - This should be okay, right? Aww, god, it’s like medicine, and I’m still queasy after the brussel sprouts.

Pumpkin Pie - When I drank this one, so help me, I broke out in a sweat, because I was trying not to puke. It didn’t taste like pumpkin, it tasted like the liquified, carbonated essence of ROT.

As an important side note, do not give into the urge to crack one off after drinking these sodas. You’ll want to, but when I let one rip in the car on the way home, it was immediately filled with the smell of brussel sprouts. I just about ran off the road.

As a side note, our bottle of brussel sprouts had a photo of a baby in a santa hat on it, crying. Truth in advertising.

Kevin, that is the epitome of truth in advertising. and I should know, I have an eye for advertising.

no carbs- check
little/no sugar - check
low sodium - chee…no
seriously check the label and see how much sodium is in each bottle. Pretty much the pies(pecan and pumpkin) and cranberry are the only ones with low sodium counts.

I found the holiday pack at Target today on my little shopping spree. I laughed b/c of this topic.

This is truly one of the highlights of the holiday season. Keep up the good work!

Oh god… I think I’d rather die than drink this stuff. As curious as I am about the taste I don’t want to be scarred for life so close to the holidays.

I held off reading this article as I was waiting for my own tasting party and didn’t want to be tainted.

5 of us got together and tried them out. And yes Brussel Sprouts soda is awful. The worst thing I’ve ever tasted. 3/5 of us almost vomited it was so bad.

Okay folks! I’m fresh off a taste test of the Regional Holiday Pack and needless to say, I am not the same person I was yesterday. I’m worse but I feel as if Iï¿½ve tackled one of life biggest challenges. That being, Smoked Salmon Pate Soda. If you can drink one whole bottle of it you should get $50,000 from Fear Factor. The smell, the taste, truly awful!!! This is a one way ticket to Hell, absolutely no back. A friend was heaving after one sip of the Turkey & Gravy soda. Tastes like corn startch was added to not-flushed toilet water to make gravy. Amazingly, the Broccoli Casserole is the best of the bunch and I went back for multiple sips. The sodas do smell like what theyï¿½re supposed to be with smelly jock strap scent in there as well. These sodas have the worst possible aftertaste of anything you could possibly eat, even that aforementioned jock strap (which I have not eaten). Corn on the Cob soda tastes like nibblet juice and butter with glue paste and dirt with a bit of sugar. If you can believe it, Pecan Pie was so overpowering in smell and taste that it instantly erases any fond taste for anyone that enjoys Pecan Pie. Between four people no bottle was more than 1/16th empty. Oh, and when we tasted them they were warm which couldnï¿½t have helped at all. So I have them in my refridgerator to savor another day. Delicious and if you ask me, well worth the purchase price! Buy it to taste it, not sell on ebay. You can say you did. Enjoy!

I just saw the regoinal pack for my area- (Seattle)- I think Jones Soda wants to punish their home town- Smoked Salmon flavor- eeewwweee.

Actually, let me specifically describe the Smoked Salmon Pate Soda a bit more because I have to save you people. This soda has affected my life as we know it. I think I’m depressed because of it? Think of the horror movie that has scared you ever since you were a kid. This is much scarier than that. You will have reacurring (tastebud) nightmares from this soda. This soda is evil!

I think that the most underrated SNL ad is the one with the mannequins of people breaking into your house. It just caught me so off guard when the new improved mannequin with real talking action said "i’m gonna put my evil inside you." I couldn’t stop laughing for 20 minutes.

"Think of the horror movie that has scared you ever since you were a kid. This is much scarier than that."

I’msoexcitedI’msoexcitedImsoexcited
Well, you get the idea…
My photo is the christmas cracker on the wild herb stuffing bottle in the taste test!
I’msodepressedI’msodepressedetcetc
Holiday packs are apparently only available at Target. I live in Canada. Target doesn’t. I can’t see my bottles on the shelf. Hell, I’d never actually TASTE the stuff, but I’d love to see it… maybe hold it… caress it… That’s MY pic!

I bought it last night a Target. I will have my whole family try this crap with no warning on Thanksgiving. I’m psyched already. 10.99 seems like a lot for some shit-flavored sodas but if they’re as bad as everyone says I can’t wait.

Jesus Christ on a Cracker! This article had me CRYING from laughing so hard! I would never try this nasty-ass shit, but sure is funny as hell to read about you & your (ex) friends doing so! Thanks, man! This made my day. No, week. No, MONTH!

I finally cracked open my Holiday Pack. I put a video review up on my site, if you click on my name

Here’s my review of it:
I deserve a purple heart. I have survived evil incarnate. I did not think that they would meet my expectations. They were FAR worse. This is some pretty nasty sh*t right here. Unfortunately, I only had 2 and a half taste testers. The general consensus for cranberry was pretty good.

Here’s some quotes about Cranberry soda from my taste-testers:
Tester #1-"It was pretty good the first couple times but then it just tasted bad at the end. You could probablly stomach it every day."

Me: It wasn’t too awful. I’d say that Oceanspray and even V8 splash are better but it is tolerable. I’d have it again.

We all agreed we would never touch this sh*t again. Really. It was bad. In fact it wasn’t just bad–it was almost a sin to touch this stuff. It is nothing like turkey. It tasted like mashed up sh*t mixed with sugar and onions. Add some dead animals to that too. Here’s what my brave testers had to say…

Tester #1-"I thought it was the nastiest thing I’d ever tasted until I got to the next few. Seriously. You almost don’t want to drink it after you smell it."

Tester #2- "This was one of the nastiest things I’ve ever tasted. Absolute crap. If somebody asked me to eat this again I would kill them."

Me: About on par with what I expected from it. Yes it tasted like turds with lemons and venicen. It smells quite bad. So bad in fact, that tester #1 gagged after sniffing it. It wasn’t worse then I thought it would be though. I never want to eat Turkey again. So far, I’m quite pleased with this pack. It meets all my expectations of disgusting TCP type crap.

WILD HERB STUFFING:
Stuffing didn’t smell half bad. In fact, it smelled alot like Lysol. It probablly tasted like Lysol does as well. Wild Herb Stuffing had me disappinted. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I had predicted. It was pretty weak. Here are our thoughts…

Tester #2-"It tasted a lot like swallowing a whole gallon of the toothpaste at the Dentist’s office and reminded me physically of Vodka."

Me: It was nothing. I still had my game face on at this point. Little did I know that the smell of Brussels Sprout would stay with me and haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life and the taste of Pumpkin Pie would leave me gasping for air.

BRUSSELS SPROUT:
Taste Tester #1 insisted that we have Brussels Sprouts before Pumpkin Pie to end with a good taste in our mouth, (how wrong she was!). This was indeed the worst to most of us and the smell and taste continually keeps returning to me. I’m scarred for life.

Tester #1-"This was so bad. I couldn’t even have a sip of it without washing it over with Gatorade. I seriously threw up in my mouth. It tasted like crap. The worst thing I have ever tasted in my entire life tied with Escargot."

Tester #2-"Brussles Sprouts…At first the smell made me think that it was made by someone insane. As soon as I drank it I realized that the taste and recipe had originated from Hell itself. It tasted like melted diarreah–seriously. Never drink it unless you wish to throw up or you’re crazy like Matt."

Me-"Am I crazy? I remeber quite well after the initial gagging the clutching my throat the flavor of the soda and my exact words. "Holy Good Lord! My God! GOD! Sh*t! Ughhh!" Yes it was a memorable experience. I’ll leave the flavor to imagination. I can’t begin to describe it. It was the worst thing I’ve ever drank though I might have to give the heavy hitting title to Pumpkin Pie now that I’m thinking of it.

PUMPKIN PIE
We had grown since we first embarked on our journeys of Jones Soda. We started our journey cocky and naive. By the end, we were totally humble and seeking therapy. Pumpkin Pie took us by surprise. I still feel sick and I bet that if I crapped on a plate and liquified it, it wouldn’t taste as bad as these did. We thought it would be a way to end with good flavors in our mouths. We were VERY wrong. Pumpkin Pie was worse than the first 3 flavors mixed together. The worst part is, I am half tempted to do the whole thing over, although my taste testers are not.

Tester #1- "This is almost as bad as brussels sprout because it has such a nice name, and the real food tastes decent, but it is really really bad. If you ever try this have something good to eat/drink handy. After I tasted it, I ran around wildly( after getting off the floor) stuffing pretzels in my mouth."

Tester #2- "I have just 2 things to say…. the 1st is that if someone is holding a gun to your head, threatening this soda, just get shot. The second is that if you ever have to drink this, have a good stick handy to shove down your throat to make you throw up."

Me: Ummm… I will never eat pumpkin pie again. EVER. The worst part is that it was actually sweet. I am the only one who tasted the sweetness because my taste testers were on life support (also Tester #1 gave me a whole cup full) It was salty, sugar, mango, moldy crust. The interesting thing about these sodas is that no two people will describe them the same way. I have a new vision of hell, and it’s floating neck high in Brussels Sprout mixed with Pumpkin Pie soda. Jones Soda–You f**ked us.

Final Thoughts: I want to go to Church. It WAS every bit as bad as the hype said it would be. My rankings are: (from weakest to worst)
1. Cranberry
2. Stuffing
3. Turkey
4. Pumpkin Pie
5. The Brussels Sprouts
And now that it’s done…I reccommend everyone go buy some for some Yuletide wretching. We laughed, we nearly cried and we nearly needed respirators. Yep. Jones Soda was worth every penny. I had fun. When I mentioned there was a Salmon Pate flavor in existence though my taste testers both chorused "F**k you!" and left the room. Happy Holidays.

Ok our church goes to winter Feast. They had this conest to drink these sodas. I want to know what’s the best tasting one, even know by their facial expersion. I don’t think any taste good. But I believe you’ve to try something before you say you do or don’t like it. I want to know where u can buy them? So I can prepare for WinterFeast. (shh!!! Shh!!!!) I like disgusting people out w/ food like I had ice cream w/ kecthup. I also made a gospel cereal. It’s raisin (for sins), strawberry (for Jesus bloods) Marshmallows & Milk (for purity.) and Pickles (for growing in Christ)
It’s sweet at lest to me. I had other things to before. (I can’t remember them all right now.
Ok now here is time to be sincere. Here’s another question. Are u saved? If so praise Jesus! If not here’s how to get saved. “FOR WHOSOEVER SHALL CALL UPON THE NAME OF THE LORD SHALL BE SAVED.” Romans 10:13 Why do we need to be saved. “And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the Lake of Fire” Revelation 20:15. If you would like to get saved. You can say the prayer below or one similar but you have to mean it.

“Dear God:
I am a sinner and need your forgiveness. I believe that Jesus Christ shed His precious blood and died for my sins on the cross. Please forgive me of my sins and save me from the Lake of Fire. I’m willing to turn form sin. I now invite Christ to come into my heart and life as my personal Savior. Thanks for saving me. Help me to walk with you daily. I love you Jesus. In Jesus name this I pray and ask.”
Sincerely in Christ Jesus,

I was a clown in Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus in 2005, and as a morale before we did the State Street Thanksgiving Parade in Chicago, I brought this holiday pack backstage.

Since it was so early, and we all had a big day ahead of us, I drank 4 out of the 5 sodas myself to entertain my fellow clowns and other entertainers. I had the Turkey & Gravy, Cranberry, Pumpkin Pie, and Wild Herb Stuffing, one right after the other, and I can honestly say that the Stuffing soda was probably the worst thing I’ve EVER tasted.

In the end, I made around $30 for drinking them, another guy got $15 for drinking the Brussels Sprout, and I ended up having to pee like a racehorse.

Also, I continued the tradition this year at the Disney-MGM Studios, where I work in Streetmosphere, and the highlights were the Antacid and getting a vegetarian friend to drink the Turkey & Gravy with me!

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