For those who are itching for something Christmassy but don’t want to feel guilty about jumping the gun before Halloween, I give you…The Gingerdead Man!

http://tinyurl.com/dofss

Chestnuts roasted by Monte @ 10/25/2005 4:21 PM

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It snowed here today. Yes, snow, the official welcome wagon of the Christmas season.

Chestnuts roasted by Carri @ 10/25/2005 4:47 PM

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Sacrilicious? Sounds tasty.

Here’s another good word–I picked this one up from "SNL."

SCRUMTRALESCENT.

It came from a parody of "Inside the Actor’s Studio," and Will Ferrell, playing wonderfully delightful host James Lipton, can’t think of a word for Charles Nelson Reilly’s (host Alec Baldwin) performance in "A Troll in Central Park," so he makes up a word–scrumtralescent.

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 10/25/2005 5:15 PM

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Damn double post. I hit "post" before I was ready to, and stopped it, so I added another line, and hit post, and that shit happened. Oh well, disregard the first post.

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 10/25/2005 5:17 PM

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For good or ill, here it is. Matt can move or delete it as he sees fit. Be kind.

The Story of Jack and His Lantern
A Hallowe’en Treat For X-Entertainment
By kingklash

Part One: Jack and Satan, Together Again

Long ago, in the Old Country (distant Irish ancestor, I can say Old Country), there was a man we only know as Jack. There were many famous Jacks, the name being somewhat of a catchall term for Notorious Men. Jack-of-All-Trades, Jack the Ripper, Spring-heel Jack, Jack-in-the-Pulpit, and Jack-in-the-Box. But this Jack was a king among rouges. Con man, cut-purse, pickpocket, sneak thief, among many other categories of knavery was his stock in trade. Even though he left a trail of empty pockets and broken hearts in his wake, the true telling of his fame was based on a unique fact: On more than one occasion, he beat the Devil at his own game! Many times Old Nick, intent on gaining a clever soul, tempted our Jack with many a treasure. And many times, Jack not only gained several items of worth, but also managed to turn the tables on the Prince of Lies. Even today, when you hear the old tales of how someone managed to call out the Devil and expose his trickery, it may have been Jack who first did these things.
But, nothing’s forever, and finally the time came when Jack died. Not many came to his funeral, save fellow thieves who wanted to make sure that he wasn’t taking anything of earthly value to his grave. This wasn’t the end of his adventures, not by any stretch, any at all.
Time came to find Jack at the entrance to the Infernal Realm, as he himself expected to be. And he waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. Witnessing many a soul being dragged through the walls of Hell to their Eternal Punishment, Jack wondered when his turn would come. “Sure and this is a right insult to me,” he thought. “Here I am, where many people have told me to go, and I’m left outside the door like a jilted lover. Lucifer himself should be here, with open arms and red-hot pitchfork, seein’ as the old sod finally got me. Pride’s about the only Sin I never been accused of having in large supply, but something like this would hurt about any man’s feelings.” Drawing up his courage, he marched up to the large black obsidian doors and proceeded to kick and pound on them. “You cloven-hooved spaldeen! Bat-winged blatherskite! You pointy-eared insult to… to… all things pointy-eared! Why aren’t you letting me inside?! Let me in before I bring this whole place down on your horns, you goat-legged, thrice cursed, snake tongued….!”
From behind him, a menacing, but charming voice said, “Watch your words, you wouldn’t want to say something you couldn’t take back.”
Slowly turning around, Jack regained his composure, “You got thee behind me, Satan. Now that’s more like it. Tell me now why am I out here and not where I’m supposed to be?”
“Why? Plain and simple. I don’t want you in there. I don’t trust you in there. That is the last place I want you to be. I finally got it just the way I want it, and you are not part of my plan.”
Jack though about it for a second, “This hasn’t anything to do with my tricking you into drinking Holy Water….”
“No!”
“Or the time I sent you to that blacksmith, and he nailed you to the wall….”
“No!”
“There was that time at that pub in Dublin….”
“NO! I already said that I don’t trust you! You know what would happen if I let you in? No matter what I did to you, you would get out of it. In fact, not only would you wriggle out of any place I could put you, you would most likely be running the place in a matter of weeks! How would that look? Me, Satan, booted out of Hell because you instigated a mutiny! Hades, Anubis, Hela, and King Enma wouldn’t let me hear the end of it, I just know it!”
“Not that I don’t sympathize with losing face among one’s drinking buddies, but where does that leave me? If I can’t be where I’m supposed to be, where do I go?”
“I don’t care, just get away from me. Go to Heaven if you want, you just can’t go to Hell!” And with that, the Devil retreated into his stronghold.
“Somehow,” Jack thought as he began his long walk out, “One can’t help but feel slighted.”

Next Time: Adding Insult to Injury

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 10/25/2005 6:06 PM

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Hey Matt! Hey Everyone!

Just letting you know that after several years of absense, the classic: "It’s The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" will be coming on tonight at 8:00pm on ABC!

I’ve been noticing that stores and TV networks have been getting back into Halloween this year.

I wonder if the influence of popular websites like this one and I-Mockery have played a part in that.

Chestnuts roasted by Tetsu Deinonychus @ 10/25/2005 6:20 PM

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Yes? Yes. Yessss…… I actually found these at K-Mart a few weeks ago and, despite the fact I went there for batteries, left with a couple spoOoOoky peeps. Sitting at home in front of re-runs of King of the Hill I happily painted up my pumpmallows, turned to my girl-friend, and said, "I know I’ll be seeing these on X-E later this month."
Thanks again for never dissapointing me, Matt.

-Lucky

Chestnuts roasted by RedLightBulbs has fingers. @ 10/25/2005 6:39 PM

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DON’T THROW THEM OUT! They are probably perfect and ripe right about now.

Chestnuts roasted by mtrox @ 10/25/2005 7:16 PM

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Ok, how many of you guys out there actually REMEMBERED to watch "It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!" tonight?

I sure did, and It was as good as it always was.

And I suddenly remembered that last year…I actually gave some kid a rock.

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 10/25/2005 8:45 PM

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Peeps cake? Buy two of the kits, spread the icing on one pumpkin, stack one on top, icing on that, stack, icing, stack, decorate. Then try to eat it in one bite.
Just because I have to limit my sugar, doesn’t mean I can’t still think of new ways to reach a sugar rush.

Holy crap, thanks for the idea… I will now be going on a hunt for these kits, buying two of them, and making a 4 layer Peep Cake (Or Mega Peep w/Extra Sugar). As soon as I am able to do this, I will document it and then probably go completely crazy from the sugar overload. Of course, I used to eat sugar packets…

Chestnuts roasted by CannedPasta @ 10/27/2005 2:50 AM

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I live in NJ, can I be part of the Lyman search initiative? Is it anything like finding out where Waldo is?

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 10/27/2005 3:03 PM

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