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The Grim Reaper was a Toys “R” Us Kid.

Did the usual Halloween store-hop routine last night. It felt even more Halloweeny in the rain. Party City had its usual gamut of good, spooky stuff, though nothing stood out at me particularly as a must-have, much less a must-cover-on-the-site. It was more interesting to just stand around and observe the families trying to pick their Halloween costumes off the "Costume Wall," and yes, Party City actually calls it that. Basically, instead of putting all of the costumes out, they put pictures of all the costumes out. You get the sense that this puts the poor workers through absolute Hell, because what might seem like an interesting costume on paper, literally, doesn't always turn out that way when some disgruntled worker throws a nylon bag full of clown pants at you. It was just absolute madness at the place. Kids screaming, parents cursing, bombs asplodin'. Should mention that the Scream killer costume still manages to be a huge hit. What is it about that thing?

Anyway, I couldn't be in that store for fifteen minutes and not buy something, and while we're waiting on a very long, very slow moving line full of very ticked off people and very irritating children, I spot it. It's right by the register, and it really needed to be, because only in those brief moments before you hand money over to the lady with the name tag could you possibly commit to buying such a thing. I proudly present...the "Pocket Screamer!"

There's a few different versions available, but they've all got ghastly features, long robes, occult accessories, lite-up eyes and Norfin Troll hair. Fuck yes. At six bucks each, they're twice as much money as most would deem acceptable -- at least until you squeeze them and hear the loudest mothertruckin' bloodcurdling scream to ever pour forth from a five inch action figure. It's really loud. Squeezing the figure with my window open, I swear to God, the people across the street got that look on their face. The one that says, "I am hearing a crime and I am the only one hearing it and I am about to be called upon to do something heroic." Then the scream stopped, so they just went inside.

The Halloween Countdown rages on and tries to keep steam while everyone in the world, including myself, can't help thinking about Christmas. Got a good one for yeee today -- a Toys "R" Us Halloween commercial from 1980, complete with animated Geoffrey and a crappy old Yoda costume. Yessss. Review includes video download, of course.

Trying to clean out the Hallo shit I bought but lack the necessary drive to create a full article out of, here's a bunch of baddies I picked up at a dollar store a few weeks back. Simply referred to as "Stretchable Horror Monsters," the line is nothing if not thorough. I'm particularly fond of the Frankenstein Monster's casual expression, but the fact that Witchy Wanda is the only one who can stand under her own power does give her an extra point. See below.

Posted by Matt on 10/09/2005. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 87 comments

That Yoda costume does suck. You’re right about Party City, it’s a madhouse around the holidays.

Chestnuts roasted by Sonny @ 10/09/2005 7:37 PM


I never, ever gave into one of those smock costumes. Not once. When you have a seamstress for a grandma, you get real costumes that don’t suck.

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 10/09/2005 8:11 PM


I would imagine that the costume picture wall is actually easier on the employees. Just imagine the mess and damaged costumes they would have to deal every day with if everyone was digging through them looking for something good.

I would imagine that the scream costume is popular because you can get decent ones cheap. With the scream costume you can dress up as a killer from a real horror movie both without looking like an idiot in a dollar-store costume and without really pissing your parents off. You have to admit that knock-off scream masks look a hell of a lot better than knock-off Jason masks.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 10/09/2005 8:12 PM


The scream mask has been around longer than the movie. I have a smiling white one that I wore when I was the blob from "A Boy and his Blob". Even though it was an honest mistake, I still curse the two people who thought I was a ghost.

Chestnuts roasted by RewolfJ @ 10/09/2005 8:22 PM


To clarify: by "been around longer than the movie", I mean it existed several years before the movie came out.

Chestnuts roasted by RewolfJ @ 10/09/2005 8:28 PM


Smock costumes are definitely lame amoung kiddom; always have been considered lame, always will be :)

Plus, those plastic masks cut something nasty.

I had a full dinosaur costume my mom sewed with a frickin’ two foot long stuffed tail. That was awesome. That was during the heavy dinosaur obessed period of my life.

Two years later and some modification, a bandana and green face paint and I was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. :)

Chestnuts roasted by AlphaCentaurian @ 10/09/2005 8:34 PM


RewolfJ, that’s kind of a good point. I guess that means that the official scream costumes are the knock-offs of the cheapo costumes.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 10/09/2005 8:36 PM


Don’t even get me started on costumes not looking in person like they do on paper. I work for a catalog company, and this time of year, alls I gets are calls from irate customers telling us that we’ve ruined Baby’s First Halloween. The big one this year is a Little Pig costume. In the book it looks purple, but the color was all fucked up on the page – the thing’s actually pink. At least ten times a day, I get the following call: "Uh, yeah, this Pig was supposed to be purple, but it came, and it’s pink. Now my son’s gonna look gay." Lady, if you’re dressing your son up in what you had hoped would be a purple Little Pig costume, I’ve got news for you – the kid’s already looking pretty gay. Hope you have fun making cookies for the parade in about 20 years. Invest in leather.

Chestnuts roasted by Kyle @ 10/09/2005 8:40 PM


Yeah, I saw those stretch figures at several dollar stores but I am trying to save up for the post-Halloween clearance (budget crunch in the Manimal household).
Creepy. Yeti, we had 3 costumes in common: SPIDERMAN, EDDIE, and the GRIM REAPER.
Haven’t been to PARTY CITY yet but I did check out their insert in today’s paper. Without going into too much detail, I have always wondered how many couples have used Halloween costume shopping as a front for…extra curricular activities.
Forgot to mention the Halloween Kool Aid Man at the Wal-Mart when writing about yesterday’s outing (see yesterday’s blog for more). I can’t believe FREDDY VS. JASON didn’t spur more conversation. Oh well.
Finally, I found one thing that I was looking for. Matt’s old compatriot Rob has a really cool gallery of old Halloween costumes over at RETROCRUSH. No GODZILLA though. Click the name.

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 10/09/2005 8:40 PM


Would Yoda wear a Yoda t-shirt?

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica Marie @ 10/09/2005 8:40 PM


Freddy vs. Jason is the only Jason movie I’ve ever seen. Not impressed.

Chestnuts roasted by Kyle @ 10/09/2005 8:49 PM


Has anyone seen any of the Fantastic Four costumes? The Thing and Human Torch are absolutely horrid, but at least it gives me something to make fun of.

Chestnuts roasted by Sonny @ 10/09/2005 8:50 PM


I wish I was alive in the 80′s. I was born in 89 so I have never associated toys r us with halloween. Hell, I’ve never even seen a smock/mask costume in a store. I always had a full body costume with an expensive mask. I would never settle for a cheap costume. It had cost plenty of cash and had to look fabulous!
Matt- I know you told us not to scroll down in the article to see what happened with the Alf mask but I did and when you destroy me could you do it quickly?

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Poop @ 10/09/2005 8:51 PM


Speaking of Toys R Us, does anyone remember how sometimes, at the check stands, if you bought something they would give you a little happy meal-esque box with a few treats inside? Maybe some stickers, a bit of candy, some little booklets of puzzles etc, and that drink that came in a can and tasted like chocolate-flavored metal? Man, I used to think that was the coolest thing ever.

Also, there is an old Halloween movie that aired in 1991 I remember watching as a kid called "The Last Halloween" with Rhea Perlman. I remember these little aliens landed in this small town and helped some kids save halloween from this evil lady. The thing that sticks out the most is one of the aliens; he was a little blue one with a big helmet on. I was him once for halloween… one of my favorite costumes ever. Anyone else remember seeing this?

Chestnuts roasted by Chilipeppers @ 10/09/2005 9:01 PM


The only smock costume I remember having was Wonder Woman, and my mom didn’t even make me wear the smock: my grandma sewed me something passable instead, I think.

It was good to have a seamstress grandma and an artist father on Halloween. Dad was always making elaborate costumes for us out of foamcore, fabric, and grease paint. One year (if you’ll permit me: I missed the sat night thread) I was Ms. Pac Man, encased entirely in a brightly colored foamcore shell. I could barely walk or see, but man, did I ever kick the ass of the kids in the plastic smocks.

Chestnuts roasted by gadgetsgirl @ 10/09/2005 9:03 PM


Kyle, compared to Jason and Freddy’s last couple of outings, this movie was a masterpiece. Plus, it did have a lot of backstory…
One more bit that I left out from yesterday’s outing: One of the free sample stands handed out GREAT PUMPKIN stickers and a Halloween cookbook.
The Macon (GA) TRU is still in the old style a la tonight’s commercial download. :)

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 10/09/2005 9:03 PM


Anybody else remember that on most of those masks, the elastic strap ended in metal "stops" to keep the mask on? I distinctly remember get some nast welts, maybe even cuts, whipping those things around like a rubber band on crack. My brother probably helped me discover this cheap form of bodily harm.

Oh, and that TRU add is messed up.

Chestnuts roasted by Mad Cow @ 10/09/2005 9:23 PM


The thing that always bothered me about smock costumes was the smock itself. I never had any beef with the masks. Sure, they were cheap and crappy, but if you used your imagination they could feasibly serve a purpose.

The real problem comes into play when you throw the damn smock on. Now, they could help themselves a little by having a picture of a costume (e.g. a smock made up to look like Yoda’s robes), and while that would still suck, it would at least help create a small illusion. But no, they don’t do that. They put a fucking picture of Yoda (or whatever character) on the smock with big letters that say YODA! (or whoever). What is that supposed to be exactly? You certainley aren’t dressed up as Yoda. Are you supposed to be an anthropomorphic billboard that’s going door to door to tell us how much Yoda (or whoever) rocks? Because that’s about the only reason I could ever think of for wearing a smock that says YODA! (or whoever). Crappy, crappy costumes.

As for TRU, the sad reality is they’ve been in financial trouble for a long time now, most recently there was talk of converting the entire chain to what more or less amounted to baby clothing/supply/toy stores, but that may have fallen through. They just don’t have the money to throw behind ANYTHING like they used to, so it’s understandable (if saddening) that Halloween takes a hit in terms of shelf space allotted.

Chestnuts roasted by The Wukong Effect @ 10/09/2005 9:40 PM


Ah, I love seeing old commercials with that late-seventies limited animation. Reminds me of those holiday specials with the little fox and bear (Rusty and whozit?) that even Cartoon Network still shows every season. It seems like classic cartoons have become to CN what music videos have become to MTV.

By the way, kudos for including the beginning of that McDonald’s commercial at the end of the clip. Now I’ve got that kid shouting "Never never never ever ever …" stuck in my head for life!

Chestnuts roasted by Alex @ 10/09/2005 10:14 PM


Thats a black cat, dude! Not a wolf. It meows!

Smocks= teh suck for the exact reason wukong said

Chestnuts roasted by bc @ 10/09/2005 10:32 PM


I said it was a cat that turned into a wolf!

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 10/09/2005 10:33 PM


Methinks The Manimal has been going a little formatting crazy lately.

Chestnuts roasted by Kyle @ 10/09/2005 10:43 PM


See, when I was a kid, I started off with the smock costumes, but then around 7 or 8, HALLOWEEN ADVENTURE graced me and cursed me with its presence. For all of you who haven’t seen a Halloween Adventure, it basically is a giant costume store that owns space, even though it is only open 2 months a year.

It became the bane of my existence, because I’d always go in and see the 80 or 90 dollar monstrosity masks right over the counter and pine to be Jason with chunks of brain flesh missing or that Dragon thing that probably weighed more than my head. Though I did walk out with a pretty awesome Crypt Keeper for only 40 bucks one year, I always felt like every time I went in there, I was being cheated.

And I totally wished I could’ve just gone back to the Toys R Us and gotten a ridiculously shitty costume instead of seeing what I could never ever have…

Also, I was born in 84, so I have the 80′s and the early 90′s to love. It’s probably the only time where I could legitimately love both Transformers and Power Rangers.

Chestnuts roasted by AJ @ 10/09/2005 11:01 PM


The cheapest ass costume I ever had like that was Garfield. It was horrible – plastic one piece suit that had a small tie ribon at the back of your neck and yes, one of those plastic masks. *shakes head* It was hot out that day, too … and our stupid trick or treat wasn’t even past sundown, it was like 4pm or something. :\

The last time I went trick or treating, it was with 2 friends and we were juuuust on the verge of being too old, but it worked! My one friend was dressed up like a killer and he had a big fake knife – and I was his victim. I forget what my other friend was.

And yeah, I totally agree about the TRU Halloween section sucking ass. :( Last year we had SUCH cool stuff! This year … if you aren’t Batman, Darth Vadar or some kind of fairy princess, you are fucked. Forget decorations of any kind, too. :( It’s depressing.

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 10/09/2005 11:02 PM


The last time I went Trick or Treating was 3 years ago at the ripe age of 17.

Though last year I did Trick or Treat on November 1st just to see if people would be caught off guard/

Chestnuts roasted by AJ @ 10/09/2005 11:24 PM


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