No new articles this week, as I'm working feverishly on the site's Halloween-related goods, which spring back to life one week from today. If you're new to X-E and don't know what I'm talking about, it's our annual Halloween Countdown. Beginning with the 2003 Edition and continuing with the 2004 Edition, these were the spooky tributes to various facets of Halloween, posted daily until the big day. Old and new, anything and everything, past Countdown articles have covered it all, from five-cent spider rings to old Hallmark Halloween commercials and beyond. If you're into the holiday, it's a lot of fun and it's one of the few times I can hop up on the podium and scream about how hard I'm trying.
In 2003, I had no other job to speak of while doing the Countdown. In 2004, I had a full time job. In 2005, I have a full time job that requires much more of me than it did last year. For this reason, I've decided (with encouragement from several readers) to only do the Countdown on weekdays, thus affording me the opportunity to get a head start on the following week's entries during weekends. It's just a way to make sure everything comes together with maximum effort and with all the time needed, and I'm confident we're in for one spooky hell of a Countdown this year.
Because I'm "taking off weekends," that leaves a little room to have some fun. Though most weekends will slip by without a word, I'd like the first week of the Countdown to be special. That's where you come in. I recently reviewed Kool-Aid's Halloween Ghoul-Aid, and horror fans across the land salivated at the thought of the perfect punch-maker they could never have. Well, now you can! If you're good.
Yes, it's another ill-fated X-Entertainment art contest, with one grand prize winner taking home a sealed packet of otherwise unattainable Halloween Ghoul-Aid. And even if you lose, it's a chance to see your best crayon work immortalized on a website read by at least seventeen people.
THE CONTEST: Grab your paper and crayons and markers and pencils and Halloween stickers, because it's time to goddamned DRAW. Hand-drawn entries seem to do better than those digitally produced; that's not an official rule, but it increases your chances of winning a 79 cent package of old Kool-Aid.
WHAT TO DOODLE AND COLOR IN AND...: For the first of as many as three X-Entertainment Halloween art contests, your challenge is simple. Take any Halloween monster, slasher movie icon or other horror luminary and hilariously throw him or her into an everyday situation. I want pictures of Dracula gardening, Pinhead bowling and Leatherface reading Entertainment Weekly. If you need better direction, ask.
RULES & SHIT: There really aren't any, though it would be immensely helpful if you made your entries at a very specific width of 6.5 inches. (468 pixels) Height doesn't really matter. If they come in at other widths, I will have to shrink them down/big them up myself, and chances are good that your work of art will lose some of its original appeal.
The winner will be chosen by me, based solely and sincerely on which entry I felt was the best, most inspired and most interesting. On Saturday, October 17th, the grand prize Kool-Aid winner will be announced in a special weekend Countdown entry. His/her art will be on display along with 10-15 of the best runners-up. (Runner-ups?) If I'm shocked and awed by the amount of terrific entries sent in, there's a good chance that more will be posted. Kool-Aid is a lame prize, I know, but this is really just a chance for everyone to have some fun and break out the school supplies. One of my favorite parts of the Halloween season has always been drawing the Halloween season, so here's your chance to reclaim a lost glory and maybe win something that I cannot recommend drinking because it's so damn old. In fact, just to cover myself...
The Ghoul-Aid prize is being offered for collectible purposes only. I take no responsibility for anyone ingesting it and dying. It's not that old, but it's old, and it's up to you to take the chilling risk.
All entries must be received by Wednesday, September 14th. You've got plenty of time. When you're finished, send 'em here. Have fun, and get ready for too much Halloween stuff!
Posted by Matt on 09/05/2005. E-mail me!
Chestnuts roasted by 
Met this fine young thang
at the local Circle K
She made a date
for a half past eight,
and I said, What the Hey
So I journeyed to her crib
and I let myself inside
that chick was slouched down
on the couch
I think her brain was fried.
Couldn’t even figger it out
She wouldn’t even look at me
Then I saw her eyes
she was hypnotized
Cold glued to her TV
Said what’s your problem
Baby doll
Let’s have a little fling
She said Hey you fool now just be cool, I’m watchin that Gilligan’s Isle Thang
ha ha
Isle Thang
Watchin’ all night
Musta been a marathon
I was bummin’
Those shows kept comin’
Here’s what was goin’ on:
Those castaways were stranded
on this island out at sea
one of ‘em called Gilligan
said let’s name it after me!
He messed up every rescue
Man, that first mate was illin’
If I was one o’them castaways
I think I’d prob’ly kill him!
Just about that time
telephone began to ring
She said, Just let it
my machine’ll get it
We’re watching taht Gilligans Isle Thing!
I liked the Professor
He always saved their butts
He could build a nuclear reactor
from a couple of coconuts!
She said, "That guy’s a genius"
I shook my head and laughed
I said, "If he’s so fly, they tell me why
He couldn’t build a lousy raft"
And while we’re on the subject
I’ll tell you one thing for sure
Those homeboys brought an awful lot
For just a three hour tour
Then her mom came in the room
It was kind of embarrasing
She said, "Hey you two, I was once like you
And I loved that Gilligan’s Isle thang"
Isle thing
She’d watch that Gilligan’s Isle thing
Please, baby, baby, please
Skipper’s in a hammock
He’s looking kinda fat
He’d throw a fit and then he’d hit
Old Gilligan with his hat
Mrs. Howell had it goin’ on
But Mr. Howell was meaner
Ginger and Mary Anne could’ve used
Some funky cold medina
I was really diggin’ this show
I didn’t know what to do
It kinda looked like I was hooked
Now I’m an addict too
I know each episode by heart
Now I’m the rerun king
And on every date we both stay up late
And we watch the Gilligan’s Isle thing
I lip-synced that song for the YMCA camp talent show when I was in like fourth grade or some shit! Crazy good times, the people that came on after me lip-synced to Unbelievable by the KLF? i think that’s who did it…
R.I.P. Maynard G. Krabbs