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08/02/2005: The Official Spoiler Thread.

Been super slammed at work. Here is my tale of woe: This morning, I snuck outside for the day’s first ultra-quick under-the-radar cigarette break, and what do I see across the street? Every big time advertising icon imaginable, in full costume, from Mr. Peanut to Tony the Tiger, the Crash Test Dummies, the Energizer Bunny and beyond. My own personal Babylon, right across the fucking street, and I didn’t have time to visit, much less run upstairs to grab my cell phone camera. Oh, poor me. And you thought those Krauts in the Third World had it bad. No idea what the celebration was about, but a coworker soon appeared in the office holding a pair of foam Energizer Bunny ears. Augh I hate him.

Sort-of Survey: Want to try something different with this thread, so BE WARNED before you read it. It’s the SPOILER thread. Consider the comments section for this entry your one-time ticket to ask your fellow readers for the scoop on anything you want to know from all walks of entertainment — if you’re looking to be spoiled, ask away. Ask about movie endings. Ask about what happened on last week’s Six Feet Under. I’m not sure how this will turn out, but it could be interesting. DO NOT READ the comments if you’re avoiding spoilers for anything in particular at this point in time. It’s all fair game. Doesn’t have to be new stuff, either. Personally, I’ve always wondered how Predator 2 ended.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 195 comments

OK, squee4242, thank you so much for commenting on the "triumphant gleam" in Book 4. That seemed hugely significant to me and no one comments on it and no one comments on the fact that it remains unresolved.

Anyone have any ideas?

Ghosted by KT @ 08/05/2005 11:13 AM EDT


1st Season of Thundercats is coming to DVD on August 9th. Thundercats – HO!

Ghosted by Traynor @ 08/05/2005 11:42 AM EDT


Of course ThunderCats ho’. They’ve fallen on hard times lately, and need a way to make money.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 08/05/2005 11:52 AM EDT


All Hail kb with the Real Genius "spoiler." LOL.

Awesome movie…

It makes me think of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, "I drank what?"

LOL

Ghosted by bad karma @ 08/05/2005 12:48 PM EDT


KT – I have no idea, but I’m pretty sure Harry will figure it out like right before he needs to information to pull off something amazing.

evadrad: The Kevin Smith movie in Ass Like That’s post was Jay and Silent Bob Strike back. And Kevin Smith movies are awesome!

Ghosted by Gabbylicious @ 08/05/2005 12:48 PM EDT


Well, the classic Kevin Smith movies are awesome. I haven’t seen Jersey Girl, so I’ve got no idea there…

Ghosted by Gabbylicious @ 08/05/2005 12:48 PM EDT


Lazlo Hollyfeld from "Real Genius"=Uncle Rico from "Napolean Dynamyte"

Ghosted by kb @ 08/05/2005 1:18 PM EDT


Lazlo/Rico also = Brutes from the TV series "the Pretender".

Ghosted by bad karma @ 08/05/2005 1:51 PM EDT


Gabby, Jersey Girl is awesome. Don’t listen to anyone else. Ben turns in his best dramatic acting performance since Glory Daze. He will evoke some tears, I assure you.

And not from his acting any of you wise-acres out there!! :P

Kevin Smith, greatest writer/director ever?? Well at least tied with the Wachowskis. Sorry couldn’t resist.

Ghosted by Knegative @ 08/05/2005 2:40 PM EDT


Gib gets the girl

Lane Meyer gets the girl

Lloyd Dobler gets the girl

Martin Blank gets the girl

Dan Bartlett saves the girl

Jake gets the girl and the dog(s)

Nick Falzone gets the girl back

Hoops saves the day and gets the girl

Rob Gordon gets the girl and ability to make the right mixtape

Jonathan Trager FINALLY gets the girl

Craig Schwartz gets stuck in the girl :P

Anyone else see a pattern? Then again, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

Ghosted by Knegative @ 08/05/2005 2:59 PM EDT


kneg-your cusack fetish is bigger than mine, or probably anyone’s

Ghosted by kb @ 08/05/2005 3:14 PM EDT


At the end of Metal Gear Solid 3, it turns out you were playing as Big Boss all along.

Liam Neeson turns out to be Ra’s Al Ghul.

Roger Moore throws Christopher Walken off of the Golden Gate Bridge in "A View To A Kill".

Nate’s probably dead. Oh well. Loved him in SportsNight.

Ghosted by Flash1087 @ 08/05/2005 3:30 PM EDT


How does the CHIA PLOT end?!

Ghosted by Mugzy. . . @ 08/05/2005 3:46 PM EDT


The real judgement isn’t on the blasted plains of Kansas, site of the Gulag, it’s in the skies above as Captain Marvel is the only one that can make the choice for both superhuman and human. Shouting his magic word an odd number of times to detonate the falling nuke, he chooses to die so that both sides can have a better future together than seperate. Kal-El, mad with grief over the loss where very few survived, beelines for the UN and almost brings it down on everyone inside. Pastor McKay reaches out to Clark Kent and helps him see that it’s not how his parents wanted him to be. The remaining heroes make a decision to live among the humans, not apart from them. Clark works single-handedly to bring back the Kansas farmland, taking a break to speak with Diana. Wayne Mansion becomes a hospital with the members of the MLF doing jobs commensurate with their earlier positions. I.E.; Riddler, Catwoman, get lighter duty than Luthor, who’s cleaning bedpans. Bruce, Diana, and Clark meet a year later at Planet Krypton. The late, great Mark Gruenwald is in the background. Clark and Diana, now a couple, want Bruce to be the godfather to their unborn child. Despite his not-so-sterling record as a father figure, Bruce accepts. The Spectre Platter is cottage cheese on a bed of spinach. I want a Green Lantern coffee mug.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 08/05/2005 3:59 PM EDT


The Castaways hated civilization after being rescued, but they aren’t too happy when Gilligan’s mistake shipwrecks them again… on the same island!

Fry has to give the Robot Devil back his hands, thus losing his ability to play the holophone, but winning Leela (possibly).

Ghosted by MaryAnnTheRest @ 08/05/2005 4:05 PM EDT


Rosebud…
It was his sled from when he was a kid.

DUH!!!

Ghosted by Zorkporker @ 08/05/2005 5:40 PM EDT


Okay, this question has been weighing on my mind forever. How does Jason (pre AD) Bateman’s series "It’s Your Move" end? Did Eli get laid?

Ghosted by Dapper-Dan @ 08/05/2005 6:32 PM EDT


Biggest one ever…

Turns out, that girl from the bar last week DID have the crabs…

Ghosted by FreshSpuds @ 08/05/2005 9:49 PM EDT


Primal loads Megatron up onto the back of the ship, and the gang flies home to Cybertron.

And then a crappy series we all ignore takes place.

Ghosted by RabiesBunny @ 08/05/2005 10:16 PM EDT


kb, I’d be remiss (and a dead man) if I didn’t say that my best friend is the biggest Cusack fan in the universe, and the one I picked the habit up from. The glory is all hers :D

Ghosted by Knegative @ 08/05/2005 11:13 PM EDT


what’s eating gilbert grape?

Ghosted by ryan @ 08/06/2005 12:51 PM EDT


Jimmy retires and moves to New Hamshire, but wait! He buys a radio station/newspaper (?) and Dave tries to save his staff (except for Matthew, who he tries to get Jimmy to take). Lisa leaves her felonious husband, Dave and Matthew are left alone at WNYX. Dave and Lisa do NOT end up together. Is sad.

Ghosted by Burnumd @ 08/06/2005 3:40 AM EDT


Zelda is Sheik!

Hyrule was flooded and now resides under The Great Sea.

Maximus dies.

so does Trinity.

Michelle gets her memory back.

Voyager gets home.

Data dies.

Sgt. Neelie was really Eileen Jacobson. Marcus told her Jason’s Warquest username.

Lucy pulls the ball away right before hes about to kick it.

Garfield kicks Odie off the table.

and finally, she laughs and tells you theres no chance in hell shes sleeping with you. sorry.

Ghosted by xero @ 08/06/2005 5:06 AM EDT


oh, and the princess is in another castle. woops.

Ghosted by xero @ 08/06/2005 5:07 AM EDT


Zoltar (Berg Katse) was both Male and Female. Not quite exactly a hermaphrodite, but twins fused together in the womb. Since you can’t quite fit two things in the exact same space without twisting quantum mechanics all to heck, the twins took turns being dominant, sort of. Like Rick Jones and Mar-Vell. Important plot point in Gatchaman, but not touched on during Battle of the Planets.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 08/06/2005 1:40 PM EDT


Cathouse: Dennis and Sunset break up and she leaves the Bunny Ranch to go work at the Kit Kat Ranch. It’s really sad.
Sex and the City: Miranda marries Steve and moves to Brooklyn, Charlotte adopts a Chinese baby, Samantha is a thinly disguised allegory for a slutty gay dude and Carrie gets a happy ending we’re supposed to think she deserves.
Carnivale: Brother Justin turns out to be Sofie’s dad, and to have the hots for her. Samson is a smooth talker and much more proactive in two days then Ben or Management were in two seasons. Ben kills Bro J to save Sofie, but Sofie goes all evil and kills Jones and maybe, just maybe brings back her pops from the dead. Hundreds of thousands of fans turn to each other saying What The Fuck.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 08/06/2005 4:05 PM EDT


Ann of Green Gables marries Gilbert Blythe

Ghosted by Eminem Poster Girl @ 08/06/2005 7:34 PM EDT


Terry is a slut and topless in devils rejects!!!

Ghosted by Jessie @ 08/06/2005 8:45 PM EDT


Lesse… movies.

Citizen Cane: Rosebud’s a sled, and it’s all in a snowglobe.

Soylent Green: Is peoples I tells ya’, peoples!

Mortal Kombat 2: I dunno, my liver exploded and I had to go to mexico to get it fixed before it ended

Transformers: Matrix Denetsu: Unicron is destroyed when Rodimus Convoy opens the matrix

Batman begins: That french guy is Rhas Al Ghul, Batman stops him, sets up the sequel by showing us a Joker card.

Ghosted by Liger Convoy @ 08/06/2005 9:25 PM EDT


Wait…Macgyver’s first name was Angus? I’m gonna needs some sort of verification on that.

Ghosted by king Peter @ 08/06/2005 9:39 PM EDT


I can never remember all the powers of the team from MISFITS OF SCIENCE. All i can remember is that one of the team could turn really, really small!!

Ghosted by pinkshiro @ 08/07/2005 7:25 PM EDT


I’m with Mugzy…

Chia Plot! Chia Plot! CHIA PLOT!!!

Ghosted by bad karma @ 08/08/2005 11:07 AM EDT


Re:MacGyver’s first name is Angus.

http://www.tv.com/macgyver/show/706/episode_guide.html&season=7

Check out the episodes titled "Good Knight MacGyver" and "The Stringer".

Oh yea, and MacGyver had a illegitimate child.

Ghosted by Quiet Thunder @ 08/08/2005 4:08 PM EDT


Batman is really Bruce Wayne, and Superman is really Clark Kent!

Ghosted by mikey @ 08/09/2005 11:05 AM EDT


Hey Rabies Bunny, sounds alot like what happened to Josie and the Pussycats. Everyone ignored it when THEY went into space! Not that I was old enough to know that…

Ghosted by Allison @ 08/09/2005 11:06 AM EDT


RabiesBunny

HA! God Beast MAchines was an atrocity….

Somehow Megatron taking out the entire population of Cybertron with a "virus" was the most absurd thing I have ever seen in my life….

Ghosted by XGalvatronX @ 08/09/2005 11:16 AM EDT


Can anyone tell me how the bizarre SNES RPG EarthBound ended? I’m very near the ned of the game but too curious to know what happens, so puh-leez tell meeee! (Sorry to sound so pathetic.)

Ghosted by Freezair @ 08/09/2005 3:24 PM EDT


The chick in The Crying Game is really a dude.

Ghosted by Joshie @ 08/09/2005 5:21 PM EDT


He finds the "Rainbow Connection." You know the song, it’s so obvious!

Ghosted by Allison @ 08/10/2005 2:02 PM EDT


As promised: Paul Rudd showed a clip of Mac and Me instead of the movie he was supposed to be plugging, The 40 Year Old Virgin.

Ghosted by Knegative @ 08/11/2005 11:42 PM EDT


kingklash; Godzilla only attacks Tokyo once, maybe twice, in his 50-something year "career".

Uh…lessee…
Maggie shot Mr. Burns.
The Far Side was just a dream.
Shinji is the new "Adam".
Spike dies after killing Vicious.

Ghosted by Chimpbot @ 08/12/2005 2:03 AM EDT


Raziel is the wraith blade !
And the Vampire messiah !
And the Hylden messiah !
And both races sucked at interpreting prophecies !

Ghosted by Creature SH @ 08/13/2005 11:45 AM EDT


Rosebud’s the sled.

Ghosted by A.J. Poirier @ 08/15/2005 7:03 PM EDT


and the violent femmes sings

Ghosted by big hands @ 08/16/2005 11:28 AM EDT


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