Been super slammed at work. Here is my tale of woe: This morning, I snuck outside for the day’s first ultra-quick under-the-radar cigarette break, and what do I see across the street? Every big time advertising icon imaginable, in full costume, from Mr. Peanut to Tony the Tiger, the Crash Test Dummies, the Energizer Bunny and beyond. My own personal Babylon, right across the fucking street, and I didn’t have time to visit, much less run upstairs to grab my cell phone camera. Oh, poor me. And you thought those Krauts in the Third World had it bad. No idea what the celebration was about, but a coworker soon appeared in the office holding a pair of foam Energizer Bunny ears. Augh I hate him.
Sort-of Survey: Want to try something different with this thread, so BE WARNED before you read it. It’s the SPOILER thread. Consider the comments section for this entry your one-time ticket to ask your fellow readers for the scoop on anything you want to know from all walks of entertainment — if you’re looking to be spoiled, ask away. Ask about movie endings. Ask about what happened on last week’s Six Feet Under. I’m not sure how this will turn out, but it could be interesting. DO NOT READ the comments if you’re avoiding spoilers for anything in particular at this point in time. It’s all fair game. Doesn’t have to be new stuff, either. Personally, I’ve always wondered how Predator 2 ended.
Starting this off with the one that inspired it: What did those who watch it think of Six Feet Under this week?
Posted by Matt
@ 08/02/2005 9:50 PM EDT
I don’t know, but Sophia let Cheech come back to work at the hotel on the pilot of Golden Palace last night! She also called Blanche a slut, just like the good ole days!
Posted by kidneyboy
@ 08/02/2005 10:01 PM EDT
Hey Croc — e-mail me for info re: what you were trying to post, and I’ll explain. :) Thanks!
Posted by Matt
@ 08/02/2005 10:04 PM EDT
at the end of predator 2, Danny Glover defeats the Predator on his own ship, and then like 6 other Predators de-cloak all around him (as a kid I shit my pants!), and carry the body away and one stops to give Danny Glover an old pistol from the 17(18?)00’s and Danny has to get off the ship before they take off. The end. Okay lets hope it wasnt explained already while I was typing this.
Posted by dave
@ 08/02/2005 10:10 PM EDT
I’ve always wondered how Super Mario 2 ended… don’t know why I never got around to finishing that one.
For Super Mario 2. It was all a dream tha Mario had. He wakes from it, and goes back to sleep. Blah, blah, blah…
Posted by Laughingboy69
@ 08/02/2005 10:14 PM EDT
Anyone ever play and finish Crono Cross (for playstation)? The 2nd disc wouldnt work for me, no matter how much coaxing I did.
So, how did it finish? A
Posted by Crocodile Feelin'
@ 08/02/2005 10:18 PM EDT
I feel partly responsible for this experiment…
Posted by The Manimal
@ 08/02/2005 10:20 PM EDT
Dumbledore is killed by Snape in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.
Posted by Xevo
@ 08/02/2005 11:26 PM EDT
I don’t watch Six Feet Under. I was a Dead Like Me gal, but now that the series got cancelled, I’ve taken to posting replies to Matt’s blogs, that rarely relate to the subject matter.
As for spoilers, I got nothin’. Except for the last episode of Dead Like Me, Reggie sees George at the cemetary and recognizes her. I think she recognizes her. I can’t remember.
HEY, posting off-topic is my job ’round here I’d like to be a wise@$$ and post these questions:
What is the Matrix?
What F**KING Ian guy?
On a related note, I saw a copy of Say Anything… in the 5 buck bin at Walmart. How dare they!!!
Posted by Knegative
@ 08/02/2005 11:56 PM EDT
This will be 100+ comments real quick.
Potter: Snape was the Half-Blood Prince, and Lord Voldemort can’t be killed until 6 objects called Horcruxes, each containing a fragment of his soul, have been destroyed. And Harry’s right about Malfoy, but it doesn’t matter.
100 Years of Solitude: The ants carry away the baby, which has died, and a whirlwind of destruction demolishes Macondo.
Ender’s Game: What Ender thought was a simulation was actually a real battle between humans and buggers with actual casualties that very nearly destroyed the only other intelligent species humankind had yet encountered in the universe.
anybody know what happened at the end of ‘haunted’, the new book by the guy who wrote ‘fight club’? i tried to read it but it was so disgusting and bad that i couldn’t finish it. i still want to know what happened, though.
Posted by consulatsunset
@ 08/03/2005 1:07 AM EDT
In "Green Lantern - Rebirth" Hal Jordan returned from death as the original Green Lantern, regaining his sanity from being corrupted into Specter. He then defeated Sinestro, punched Batman in the jaw, and led the Corps in destroying Parallax.
Okay, serious question this time. Could someone explain to me why Rachael went down as a "bad guy" in AntiTrust. I mean she wrote the code for the graphic interface, so she was at least partially good right? And at least as partially good as Claire. She helped the knowledge be broadcast to the world.
Maybe I just need to watch it again, but it seems to me that she’s a good guy. At any rate Kudos to them for combining Johnny Mnemonic with Hackers
Posted by Knegative
@ 08/03/2005 2:11 AM EDT
Hey this is kind of outta nowhere but if anyone would know it would be here.. in the 80’s i wanna say that there was this cartoon called "tiger sharks" or somthing to that effect and they’d be like men creature who when jumping in the water would turn into shark like things or walruses whatever sea creature was appropiate for the charcter. When they were in trouble they’d send out some sorta sonar that sez "tiger tiger by the tail" to other tigersharks who would respond with "hold on tigershark" with a similar sonar. Anyway.. it was kinda like Silverhawks but underwater. I cant find any info about the show so i’m starting to think i may have been imagining things.. but if it did exist does anyone have info about it?
Posted by Darky
@ 08/03/2005 2:33 AM EDT
Henry Blake gets sent home, only to die when his chopper gets shot down over the sea of Japan. Radar weeps.
Posted by Dude McGuy
@ 08/03/2005 3:06 AM EDT
I haven’t seen Ep3 yet. Yes, I realise that makes me look decidedly un-geeky, but I spent the money I was going to see the movie with on Cybertron figures. Curse you, Hasbro.
So, spoil me. Also, what happens in the new Harry Potter that "doesn’t" involve Dumbledore dying? ‘Cause that’s the only thing I’ve heard.
Anyone ever play and finish Crono Cross (for playstation)? The 2nd disc wouldnt work for me, no matter how much coaxing I did.
So, how did it finish?
PS2s don’t like the second Chrono Cross disc. I had to plug back in the PS1 to get further. Keeping the PS1 was a good idea…and so was finally finding a snap-on LCD screen for it. A few days ago I played a little FFVI and I was NOWHERE NEAR MY HOUSE. You’d kill to be me….
Oh yes, the ending.
First I need to know where you are really. There’s a point in the game where you assume it’s the last battle, but it really isn’t….going through the temple and fighting the Timedevourer guy does not end the game….
Well, I consider the true ending to be the actions immediately after, after you rescue Kid from the fire in the past, and talk to Crono and pals who have weirdly materalized back into existence on the beach. This is because the first two endings you can get, by fighting the REAL final boss, are short and barely any good.
If you do what the game’s been implying and play six elements in the correct order in the boss fight, then use the Chrono Cross against him…you get the nice ending, where Schala is freed from his head. That’s about all that happens.
If you do NOT do this, but instead beat the boss with brute strength, you kill Schala too. This means that Kid is also dead, because she is sort of Schala. Sad ending, but also just as short.
To see some longer (and better) endings, you have to do what you did in Chrono Trigger and play through the game a second time, challenging the final boss and ending it prematurely every so often.
To all those who haven’t played Chrono Cross…play Trigger first if you can.
Yes TIGER SHARKS was a real show. Click my name to read more.
ONSLAUGHT,
Ron and Hermoine get deeper into their relationship. Ginny and Harry hook up but break up because of the threat of Voldermort hurting Ginny.
The Titanic sinks, the North wins the Civil War, and Jesus dies at the end of "the Passion of the Christ"
Posted by bitchpants
@ 08/03/2005 8:36 AM EDT
Let’s see…
Mara, you’re obviously talking about The Stranger
I had the ending to Sixth Sense after the first scene too… not very much of a twist, and the whole movie was boring because no one but the kid could talk to Bruce Willis. Would’ve been a great 5 minute short, but sadly it wasn’t.
I loved TigerSharks! It was part of a longer show called The Comic Strip that also featured Karate Cat, which was my favorite when I was 7.
In Million Dollar Baby, the main character loses the title bout, where she’s paralyzed from the neck down. She then asks her coach to kill her… after deliberation, he does.
As far as Harry Potter goes, Snape takes "the unbreakable oath" to help Malfoy kill Dumbledore. Since Malfoy is just a kid, he’s not terribly successful, and just when we think Snape is going to put a stop to things he kills Dumbledore. Harry tries to fight him off, but is completely unsuccessful. He decides not to go to Hogwarts next year… instead, he and Hermione and Ron are going to seek out and destroy Voldemort.
Posted by VeganMike
@ 08/03/2005 9:13 AM EDT
dave:
You forgot to mention the Alien ("Alien" alien) skull on the ship at the end of Predator 2, but that’s probably well known by now anyways.
Posted by jhnnywalkr
@ 08/03/2005 9:29 AM EDT
I haven’t seen any of the 4th and 5th seasons of Six Feet Under because I don’t have HBO anymore. But I’ve been watching the commercials online. So Nate really dies, eh? From what I saw on the commercials it just looked like he was in a comma.
Dumbledore "appears" to die in the Half-Blood Prince but I don’t think he really did. Dumbledore told Malfoy that he could make it appear that that Malfoy was dead so that Voldemort wouldn’t kill him. Which leads me to believe that the whole thing between he and Snape was a hoax because Snape took the unbreakable oath at the beggining and it was the only way Snape could get out of it without dying himself. Now Dumbledore is free to find the other Horcruxes covert style.
Sam Beckett never returned home on Quantum Leap. But, then again, I think EVERYONE has seen that finale.
I remember one of my ex-co-workers at the video store I used to work at (he’s no longer there either) joking about how "Passion of the christ" had "a suprise ending–you didn’t see it coming" "laughs at every turn" and "Jodie Foster–that’s right–Jodie Foster–and she wasn’t even in the movie!"
Bill Cosby is actually alive at the end of "Ghost Dad." I heard this co-worker use the words "deep" "a cinematic masterpiece" and "poetic" to describe the movie.
Oh yeah, before I forget, Pee-Wee Herman was cancelled after he was found in that XXX theater.
And my boyfriend opened a movie theater door that was showing "War of the Worlds" just to say "It’s a shame that Tom Cruise dies at the end!" We don’t know if he actually dies though. Great joke to say the least.
Posted by Allison
@ 08/03/2005 9:33 AM EDT
Last Sunday’s episode of Six Feet Under was a little surprising. I was expecting Nate’s brain thingy to come back, but when he woke up from the coma, I thought he’d be okay. But he had to emotionally destroy Brenda first, then die. Brenda hasn’t been my favorite character, but she’s really gotten her act together over the last year. Becoming a psychiartist, taking care of Nate’s daughter, Maia. Anywho, I thought Nate had been a whiney dick for a while. I wonder what will happen to Maia now?
Posted by Traynor
@ 08/03/2005 9:34 AM EDT
The Joker dies at the end, and the Riddler gets put in an insane asylum. Sorry.
Posted by Allison
@ 08/03/2005 9:34 AM EDT
I didn’t read all the comments before. So forgive me if this has already been said. Harry Potter and Ginny Weasly start dating in the Half-Blood Prince but break up at the end so that Voldemort won’t come after Ginny in an attempt to get to Harry.
Posted by George
@ 08/03/2005 9:38 AM EDT
Water kills the Aliens in "Signs".
Posted by Ailen
@ 08/03/2005 9:43 AM EDT
Mogwai multiplies when you throw water on them, and you can’t feed them after midnight.
Posted by Allison
@ 08/03/2005 9:50 AM EDT
It’s a cookbook.
We were the invaders.
They’re dolls in a bin.
He breaks his glasses.
It’s a martian zoo.
And one of my personal favorites, Angela’s a boy.
Posted by TheFatboy
@ 08/03/2005 10:21 AM EDT
Hey wasn’t there an inscription on the revolver Glover is given at the end of Predator 2? I could have swore it was Billy the Kid. See, the Predators were hunters, and apparently, they came to Earth during different time periods to match up against the best. Sad that Danny Glover is the best fighter we have ever had.
In Jaws the movie, it is chief Brody who kills the shark with a rifle and compressed air tank. Quint gets ‘et’ by the shark and Hooper and Brody survive to tell the tale.
In Jaws the book, Hooper goes down in the shark tank but the shark simply rips that apart and eats Hooper.Brody and Quint leave and then come back the next day. The Shark thens jumps onto the boat. Quint grabs a harpoon and fatally wounds it. It slides back into the briney deep but the harpoon rope wraps around Quint’s leg and drags him down too. The Shark then reappears, dragging the dead Quint and makes one final run at Brody. He shoots it with a rifle and it stops two feet away from him. The end.
Posted by TheDarkCarnival
@ 08/03/2005 10:43 AM EDT
I religiously watch Six Feet Under and I must say, I wasn’t too surprised that someone was going to die given that it is the final season. However, the show never fails to introduce surprises when the viewers least expect it. I didn’t expect Nate’s brain problems to sneak up again nor did I expect him to die so suddenly from it. It sucks how things were left between Nate and Brenda (I always liked Brenda even in her crazy days but I got to like her even more this season).
Did anyone know how to interpret Nate’s ‘van ride’ with David who was all of a sudden a hairy, weed smoking hippie (and then turned back to old David just as Nate was going in the ocean)? I’m not sure what that transformation was supposed to symbolize.
Posted by Marzipan
@ 08/03/2005 12:04 PM EDT
Bruce Willis was dead all along! Yeah… and? Sixth Sense was the first time I got really pissed about a "twist" ending. I had it figured out from the get-go and couldn’t understand why everyone was so shocked at the end. Still a great movie overall, but the whole experience left me a bit jaded anytime I hear about amazing plot twists.
As for Harry Potter 6, haven’t read it yet, but heard somewhere that Dumbledore was dead and I could have sworn that he died already. Then I realized that it was the actor who originally played him in the movie - guess the lines between reality and fantasy got a bit skewed…again…
Posted by Seawoolf
@ 08/03/2005 12:20 PM EDT
No one’s answered consulatsunset about Haunted yet.
The writers all cut parts of themselves off, sabotage the food supply, and sit around thinking up new ways to hurt themselves. The plan is to make out the guy that set the thing up (can’t remember names) out to be some insane sadist that locked them up. He dies. So they make his aid the bad guy. They do nothing but cut parts of themselves off and make up stories about their abuse so they can sell their story when they get out. They also off each other so that the royalties get split less ways.
No one rescues them and they kill the sponsor (who wasn’t really dead) so he can’t tell their story. I don’t remember the exact ending because it was dull. I was more offended by the lack of anything interesting than anything else in the book.
Posted by devi
@ 08/03/2005 12:28 PM EDT
Anyone seen Saw? I have my theories on who the killer is, but have never seen the movie. Let me know!
Posted by danimal
@ 08/03/2005 12:53 PM EDT
Has anyone heard of the toy line StarCom? And what happens at the end of Blade Runner? I haven’t bathed in two days.
Posted by darth poop
@ 08/03/2005 1:00 PM EDT
Danimal: OLD GUY.
Posted by Matt
@ 08/03/2005 1:04 PM EDT
Sandra Bullock’s boyfriend dies when his IV is switched in the hospital, but then again, Dennis Miller dies in every movie he’s in.
TheFatboy–"He breaks his glasses is Christmas Story," and "We were the invaders" is "the Others," what are the other ones??????
Posted by Allison
@ 08/03/2005 1:13 PM EDT
Okay, can someone tell me the plots and endings to all Horror movies from the past two years? My wife refuses to watch horror flicks and it is hard to stay up late when little girls won’t go to bed. Add a baby to that mix and well…help!
Here’s a couple of things I wouldn’t mind being spoiled on –
1) Gimme some overall thoughts on Wonka. Best/worst scenes, etc?
2) What happens in the first few episodes of Entourage on HBO?
3) Did Golden Palace have a "finale" episode?
Posted by Matt
@ 08/03/2005 1:20 PM EDT
I forgot the most disappointing one: Kevin and Winnie DON’T end up together!!!!! That made me give up on the idea of true love. sad.
And as for wonka, I hated it! i might not have hated it if i hadn’t seen the original, but i feel that the new one is quite inferior. i don’t buy johnny depp as willy wonka. he killed the character. i could have done without the addition of wonka’s father to the story too.
Posted by bitchpants
@ 08/03/2005 1:33 PM EDT
Hot Rod opens the Matrix, Stan Bush sings, and Unicron blows up real good.
The GhostBusters come out of the building covered in marshmallow. Ray Parker Jr sings.
David Byrne talks about forgetting a place to remember how it really is. The Talking Heads sing.
Jack Burton gives another one of his patented CB speeches, as a Chinese Sasquatch rides on the back of his cab. John Carpenter sings.
D comes to Leila’s funeral and talks to her granddaughter. Left Hand gets in the last word. Nobody sings.
Posted by kingklash
@ 08/03/2005 1:35 PM EDT
The Soylent Green is made of people.
Was I the only one that laughed at that?
Matt- Willy Wonka has flashbacks to when he was a child dreams of being a chocolateer, those are pretty funny. The set design is also great.
Posted by kb
@ 08/03/2005 1:36 PM EDT
Fatboy’s comments were all Twilight Zone episodes. The glasses one has been refernced all over the place.
All the time in the world. Clatter…. snapt! It’s not fair!
Posted by kingklas, part DUH!
@ 08/03/2005 1:40 PM EDT
You know that one scene in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves where the Sheriff is about to hang the Merry Men, but suddenly Robin shows up? In haste, the Sheriff quickly kicks out all the stools underneath them and the Merry Men dangle from the nooses. But I also remember the Merry Men being ALIVE at the end. How the heck did Robin get them out of that?
in response to TheFatboy’s comments…the final one about Angela being a boy I believe refers to the campy 80’s slasher flick Sleepaway Camp…where you discover at the end that it was in fact Angela that was killed all those years ago by the boat, that her boy cousin (or was it brother) was all dressed up like a girl, etc by his fucked up aunt…very strange movie…but worth watching if you like the taste of 80’s Cheese :P Also I’d like to bring something up to get people’s opinion (in keeping in a way with the spoilers topic) in American Psycho (book and/or movie) did Pat Bateman actually kill those people…or was it merely all in his mind?
In the Saw the true killer was the dead guy in the middle of the room. He gets up after the doctor cuts his own leg off and leaves. Better yet he tells the other guy that the key to his chains was in the bathtub and walks out closing the door. All the other plot was the sicko messing with others heads the same way.
The End of one really twisted movie.
Posted by Wentral
@ 08/03/2005 2:42 PM EDT
Mars-didn’t someone shoot an arrow through the rope and they fell?
Posted by kb
@ 08/03/2005 2:43 PM EDT
Oh hey Kingklash,
You were right after all about the Marx bros. reference. Not only is Captain Spaulding referenced, but all of the names (e.g. The Firefly family) were Marx bros. derived. They reveal that in Devil’s Rejects. I didn’t pick up on it because well I’m a young punk
Posted by Knegative
@ 08/03/2005 2:55 PM EDT
This has nothing to do with your thread but Matt are you still selling those $50 mystery boxes?
Posted by Mike The Great
@ 08/03/2005 3:17 PM EDT
Thanks Wentral. that was sort of my theory. I had guessed that the guy in the middle of the room was the dude in charge of it all, but also thought that whoever survives out of the previous "game" becomes the new Saw and it just gets passed along. nice summary though. thanks
Godzilla stomples the hell out of some monster, burninates half of Tokyo, walks off into the ocean. Sometimes there’s singing.
Posted by kingklash
@ 08/03/2005 4:53 PM EDT
Here’s a spoiler…"You will die alone."
Posted by danimal
@ 08/03/2005 5:05 PM EDT
As far as Six Feet Under, my wife also complained that Nate was a whiny prick. I just saw him as a guy in a marriage that was obviously ending, and he had a hardon for his step-sister, and he found his job futile. He seemed to have plenty to be whiny about. But yeah, I was shocked to see him die.
Posted by tanta07
@ 08/03/2005 5:13 PM EDT
Oh, please, people. DUMBLEDORE IS FUCKING DEAD. COPE.
rebecca: Yes, Reggie does recognize George at the end of that episode. I believe Rube did say that on Halloween, people can see their true appearances.
As for Six Feet Under… Good riddance to Nate. I was getting sick of his consistent fuck-ups, and the fact that he always blamed whoever he was with for any relationship problems. Couldn’t be that he never wants what he already has, and ALWAYS felt the need to pursue what he doesn’t. And then, of course, once he gets it he doesn’t really want it anymore.
Whatever. I was sick of him, and I felt absolutely no sympathy when he died. Not even for Maya, because honestly, he didn’t seem to do that much for her. He was too busy banging greasy Quaker chicks and yelling at Brenda to actually raise his daughter. Good. At least with Brenda, Maya’s got someone who actually notices she’s there.
Posted by Jen
@ 08/03/2005 5:28 PM EDT
The Universe ends as the Dreaming God wakes up, rolls over, and goes back to sleep. A new Universe begins. I hope there’s singing.
Posted by kingklash
@ 08/03/2005 5:34 PM EDT
In book SEVEN of Harry Potter, Harry, Ron, Hermione (and Malfoy)travel back in time to Hogwarts when his parents were attending to try and stop Voldemort (and young Snape). He thinks he succeeds but really Voldemort survives (with help from Malfoy)and seeks revenge which ultimately leads to the demise of Harry’s parents. Remember… awful things happen to wizards who meddle with time.
Also Harry warns Dumbledore of his future murder by Snape but as it turns out the whole thing WAS a hoax to protect the innocence of Malfoy. Too late though because it is Malfoy (under Voldemort’s influence) who injures Hermione and Ron. Harry almost kills Malfoy, because he thinks Herminone and Ron are dead but is stopped by Dumbledore. Ron and Hermione get married, Harry goes off to be alone. And Voldemorte is still out there… somewhere!
THE END
anyway it pisses off a lot of fans and Rowling eventually releases 3 more books making it 10 books in the series. But of course they all get a happy ending blah blah blah.
Posted by evadrad
@ 08/03/2005 6:16 PM EDT
Taarna The Defender passes the torch to the little girl.
Posted by Another Matt
@ 08/03/2005 6:28 PM EDT
KINGKLASH,
Are you suggesting that God is Bob Newhart?
I think Dumbledore is dead because Harry is supposed to be the main character/hero. It is time for him to grow up, etc.
danimal, eh???? Very interesting…
Posted by The Manimal
@ 08/03/2005 7:05 PM EDT
yeah, my name is Dan. One time before a basketball game one of my friends just said "give the ball to danimal" and its stuck ever since. I could change it to danimal3114u to avoid confusion if you prefer Manimal
Posted by danimal
@ 08/03/2005 7:17 PM EDT
I’m surpised no one put this one in…
Rosebud is Kane’s sled. I don’t believe there’s any singing.
Posted by Akbar101
@ 08/03/2005 7:23 PM EDT
Luke & Leia are brother & suster
Anakin built C-3PO
Syndrome dies
Everyone dies at the end of Blair Witch Project
Posted by Invader Norbert
@ 08/03/2005 7:25 PM EDT
Iceman tells Maverick that he can be his wingman anytime.
Posted by Akbar101
@ 08/03/2005 7:26 PM EDT
They find dry land at the end of "Water World" but Kevin the Merman goes back to sea.
Posted by Akbar101
@ 08/03/2005 7:28 PM EDT
Random horror movie endings:
The Shining: Jack Nicholson’s character freezes to death in a maze, and his wife and son get away.
Scream: Neve Campbell’s character Sidney’s boyfriend and his best friend commit all the murders. She kills them both.
Scream 2: The crazy boyfriend from the previous movie’s mother is the killer, plus a guy she hired off the internet?!
Scream 3: Sidney’s step-brother was the catalyst for all of the other murders, and we try to figure out why they made two sequels to Scream.
Poltergeist: The neighborhood was built on top of a graveyard, the developers moved the gravestones and didn’t bother to move the bodies.
Psycho: It’s not Bates’ mother commiting the murders, it’s Norman himself, dressed like his dead mother, and schizophrenically hearing her tell him to commit the crimes.
Friday the 13th: Jason Vorhee’s mother (Wow, lots of mommy issues in horror movies) is the killer, avenging her son who drowned due to not-so-great camp counselors.
Grease: Sandy and Danny fly away in a chrome covered car, and everyone sings and dances.
Posted by Julie
@ 08/03/2005 7:34 PM EDT
actually in the shining, Jack Nicholson’s character dies because of the heater that was never adjusted or whatever and pretty much explodes the place, but having his wife/son flee therefore sacrificing himself to save his wife and son, danny.
Posted by Yazma
@ 08/03/2005 7:48 PM EDT
vince is the new aquaman!! Yeah, mandy moore is set to be aqua girl, but their is trouble because vince was in love with her and and asked her to marry him like 5 yrs ago. drama has found love in an old co-star from his vicking quest days, i cant really think of what else is going on
Posted by letshugitoutbitch
@ 08/03/2005 8:03 PM EDT
I was just giving you a hard time. Welcome aboard!
Posted by The Manimal
@ 08/03/2005 8:22 PM EDT
Is that what happened in the book, The Shining? I’ve just seen the Kubrick movie.
Posted by Julie
@ 08/03/2005 8:22 PM EDT
At the end of the sceond League of Extraordinary Gentlemen comic mini-series (much better than the film,BTW),the Martian invaders are done in a biological weapon devised by Dr. Moreau,but the British goverment covers it up with the common cold angle from the original War of the Worlds novel,and the team breaks up after two members die and Captian Nemo pissed he was party to the use of a bioweapon.
Posted by Overlord
@ 08/03/2005 8:49 PM EDT
Ok, these aren’t horror, but let me join the insanity anyway. This is one of the funniest blog entries I’ve read in a while.
Head - The Monkees are carted off in a tank by Victor Mature, we get the end (and only) credits, and the film burns in the final shot.
Hot Shots - Topper and his girlfriend meet in the Indian camp and probably enjoy much meat-cooking sex together.
The Pirate Movie - Mabel and "Fredric" get married AFTER the dream sequence ends, and yes, there’s much singing and dancing, Australian style.
In "Who Framed Roger Rabbit," Judge Doom is a Toon.
Marty McFly DOES eventually get to the future in "Back to the Future" series…and the past, and an alt-universe 1986, and the Wild West, and an alt-alt-universe "Back to the Future"…
The first "Super Mario Bros" ends with Princess Toadstool making a lame joke about needing to be rescued again.
Prince Philip kisses Sleeping Beauty awake, and the three good fairies keep changing her dress color. There’s much waltzing, but the singing is a background chorus.
Nemo finds his dad.
The Incredibles ease up on their kids, save the world as a family, and discover the baby is a human torch.
ET goes home.
Rick tells Elsa to go back to the states with her husband and he walks off to join the war with his Vichy official buddy.
Posted by starwenn
@ 08/03/2005 8:50 PM EDT
on the season opener of entourage vince, and the gang get back from filming queens blvd, e finds out his girl is cheating, and f&*$S a perfect 10 model, drama wants calf implants, vince is going broke because he cant get work, ari says do "aquaman" vince says hell no, untill james cameron becomes director, e and vince say make it happen arei, they all go to sundance, vince is in a commercial where he makes half a mill, and f*&4s a chinease trainer drama and turtle get laid at a brothel which is next door to the new house that vince bought, james cameron sees queens blvd, decides it is geniuos and offers aquaman to vince
Posted by letshugitoutbitch
@ 08/03/2005 9:15 PM EDT
The Dumbledore Question: I think Dumbledore’s going to pull a Gandalf and come back. People were suspiscious of Snape so Dumbledore’s fake death will put Snape off the track.But does anyone have any idea who’s initials were on the note included with the fake Horcruxes? I’m thinking it’s Sirius’ Black’s brother, (I can’t remember his first name, but it starts with the right letter). I don’t know his middle name, but they mentions his name a couple times in the 6th book and that can’t be for no reason.
On Willy Wonka: I enjoyed the film. It’s darker than the first film version and Depp plays Wonka as a bit of a creepy screwball with Daddy issues and zero empathy but in many ways that’s closer to the book than the first film version as Gene Wilder’s Wonka was a little too happy go lucky and nice as Dahl’s novel, contrary to many beliefs, is not entirely about sunshine and rainbows (and chocolate)
Posted by Gabbylicious
@ 08/03/2005 9:32 PM EDT
Gabby - yup it’s Regulus A. (although we don’t know what the A is for yet) Black, and the real locket horcrux was the heavy locket that no one could open which they found when cleaning up Sirius’s house in Order of the Phoenix.
Posted by Xevo
@ 08/03/2005 10:58 PM EDT
Hahahaha. I am SO totally the winner!
Posted by Gabbylicious
@ 08/03/2005 11:03 PM EDT
Can somebody tell me how the PS2 game "Kingdom Hearts" wraps up? It’s a charming little game, but I got bored with it pretty quickly and sold it before beating it.
Posted by The Yeti
@ 08/03/2005 11:05 PM EDT
Happy looks above his mothers house and see’s abe lincoln the crocodile and chubs, he then waves to them all creating much speculation from his grandma who asks "who are you waving to?" Happy replies, "No one grandma"
Posted by Diarrhea Dave
@ 08/03/2005 11:24 PM EDT
who knows what happens at the end of the "peasants quest" game on the homestarrunner site
Posted by Death Rides a Stick
@ 08/03/2005 11:28 PM EDT
At the end of "peasants quest" you get to Trogdor’s cave, and then he tells you he can’t be killed and you die, and the erect a statue of you for getting farther than anyone else ever.
Posted by Katherine!
@ 08/03/2005 11:53 PM EDT
The Alien gets sucked out an airlock…many times.
Posted by Ed
@ 08/04/2005 1:23 AM EDT
Actually Johnny Thunder stole what I wanted to say
I’m so embarassed to say it took my years and years (I was a kid ok?) to figure out that every Scooby Doo episode ends the same:
Scary monster is actually someone dressed up as a monster who wants to make money from some property and therefore tries to scare other people away.
and if it weren’t for those kids and there darned dog, I woulda done it too!!
Posted by kidneyboy
@ 08/04/2005 1:45 AM EDT
Sora and Kairi are separated when the ground crumbles asunder beneath them.
Riku smiles at Sora, and Mickey Mouse closes the door behind them.
Donald and Goofy bounce around a lot, and say stuff.
Kairi waits in a cave and draws pictures.
Utada Hikaru sings.
Posted by Tatanka lives
@ 08/04/2005 4:35 AM EDT
I’ll give answers to questions that weren’t asked:
Leonard Shelby killed his wife with insulin injections.
Shadow calls a truce between the new gods and the old gods and they stop fighting. Hinzelmann, actually a god, killed a teenager every harvest, shoved their body into a broken car, and dumped it into a frozen lake. The cop character whose name I forget kills him and burns down his house. Shadow goes to Europe.
Rosasharn’s baby dies. She breastfeeds a starving old man in a barn.
The conch shatters as Piggy falls off a cliff. The boys are rescued.
The characters in "Trapped in the Closet" are all having affairs with each other. Sylvester’s wife slept with the cop who pulled Sylvester over. R. Kelly sings.
Cady ditches prom to win the Mathlete competition (the limit does not exist). Regina gets hit by a bus and, as a result, everyone changes their ways. Gretchen learns Vietnamese.
Posted by Tatanka is bored
@ 08/04/2005 5:07 AM EDT
Rorschach and Nite Owl make it to Ozymandias’ Antarctic retreat, where he reveals that he murdered the Comdedian, because the Comdedian knew about his plan to fake an alien invasion by killing half of NYC.
Nite Owl and Rorschach declare their intent to stop him, and Ozy reveals that he has already exectured the plan.
Dr. Manahattan returns from Mars to find half of NYC dead. He, too, goes to Ozy’s retreat. He then kills Rorschach who refuses to remain silent regarding Ozy’s deeds. He then departs Earth for good, with the intent to create life eleswhere.
Nite Owl and the Silk Spectre resume crime-fighting but have taken up new civilian identities.
The last panel shows the publisher’s assistant at New Frontiersman reaching for Rorschach’s journal as a possible story.
Posted by Devastatin' Dodge
@ 08/04/2005 6:23 AM EDT
the boyfriends mom (jackie from rosanne) is the killer in scream 2
the movie direct/half brother (Noel Crane from Felicity) is the killer in scream 3
Posted by jeff
@ 08/04/2005 9:26 AM EDT
Oh shit, that’s right!!! I haven’t watched Twilight Zone reruns in a while. Thanx!!!!!!
Posted by Allison
@ 08/04/2005 9:34 AM EDT
Robbie and Julia get married at the end.
That wasn’t really Boy George singing.
Wayne starts dating Cassandra, and Garth’s dreamgirl says she loves him. Benjamin has a self-realization. And Russell learns that love can exist between two heterosexual males.
Posted by Allison
@ 08/04/2005 9:41 AM EDT
Jabo,
I read the book ‘American Psycho’ long before I saw the movie - but I always got the feeling everything was in his head. If you read ‘The Rules of Attraction’ Patrick Bateman has a very small section that is from his point of view - you learn that he’s a tight-ass who condemns his brother Sean’s hedonistic lifestyle. So, since ‘American Psycho’ takes place after ‘Rules of Attraction’ it’s safe to assume that Patrick either A. Snapped and started killing people or B. Lives a very demented fantasy life. I always thought it was B - you get hints in the book that Patrick needs some sort of escape - he lives in a superficial world where people are identified only by what clothes they wear and what restaurants they eat at - and Patrick keeps getting misidentified - so he’s living this sort of anonymous existence. His fantasy life in which he’s some sort of cold blooded killer is a way of escaping the doldrums of his real life. Or it could be that he’s just a really sick fuck. Anyway you look at it, it’s an indictment of the superficiality of the 80’s.
Posted by 1983orioles
@ 08/04/2005 10:08 AM EDT
the white ranger is Tommy! (who used to be the green ranger!)
Posted by xero
@ 08/04/2005 10:34 AM EDT
A.C. Slater was really Albert Clifford.
Posted by RAS
@ 08/04/2005 10:50 AM EDT
Charlton Heston sees the Statue of Liberty on the beach and realizes he was actually on a future version of his home planet of Earth all along. A great anti-war movie if there ever was one!
Posted by Mikey
@ 08/04/2005 10:59 AM EDT
Devastatin’ Dodge!! OMG, this is the second weird thing! The last two nights, I read Watchmen for the first time, all the way through. So I go on a forum last night, and I see a post by the user "Ozymandias" I’m like "whoa" and then I come on here, and see your post, and I’m like "WHOA!!" that’s too fucking crazy! BTW, it took me a while to figure out the different timelines, but overall, I like Watchmen a lot!
Posted by kidneyboy
@ 08/04/2005 11:29 AM EDT
I also believe that R.A.B. stands for Regulas A. Black (Sirius’s brother) and that Kreacher will play a big role in finding some of the horcruxes in book 7. If Dumbledore is really dead (and not alive like some of you have suggested), then I really believe Harry will die in book 7. The odds are so against him.
Posted by J-Dog
@ 08/04/2005 11:34 AM EDT
Somebody please tell me what happens in "The Village".
thanks!
Posted by bad karma
@ 08/04/2005 11:37 AM EDT
Oh, and here’s my contribution:
Roland finally reaches the Dark Tower, "erases" the Crimson King, and proceeds up into the tower. At each level, he relives/sees part of his past. When he finally reaches the apex, and passes through the door at the top. Then…
"The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed."
That’s right…he finds himself back where we first met him…with no memory of what had happened, and only a vague feeling he’d just been somewhere else.
Posted by bad karma
@ 08/04/2005 11:48 AM EDT
I’m really Megatron
The Quintessons built the original Transformers (Cartoon)
The planet the Beast Wars (US) starts on is pre-historic Earth around the time the Ark crashes on it. The maximals and predacons find it along with the original G1 cast inside
The clone troopers kill all the JEdi…
Posted by XGalvatronX
@ 08/04/2005 11:50 AM EDT
AC Slater actually went on to become a very successful Super Hero in Paragon City, unbeknownst to the citizens of Bayside, who spent their twilight years wistfully dreaming of a bronzed hero to save their quaint seaside ‘burb from the maniacle manipulations of the Evil Dark Lord Belding.
Posted by Red Menace
@ 08/04/2005 11:57 AM EDT
It’s made of PEOPLE! And the dogs die at the end. But a red fern grows over their grave so its okay.
I can also tell you the end of every modern Asian martial arts movie ever. They all DIE and WEEP and DIE. and Diieeeee.
What happens at the end of Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell? Anyone read that?
Posted by Katherine
@ 08/04/2005 12:20 PM EDT
Doomsday kills Superman, but not before Superman kills Doomsday. Both come back.
Crossing the streams kills Gozer.
Bruce Willis = dead
Skeletor’s stupid plan fails, He-Man defeats him, Duncan sucks.
Snape kills Dumbledore.
Gizmo Kills Stripe.
Frostbite kills Jack Torrance.
Video kills the radio star.
The cheese stands alone.
Charlie wins the Chocolate Factory.
Hal Jordan is back and as boring as ever.
My weird dream ended when I woke up.
Sealab blows up. Or not.
The gang catches the monster, unmasks him, and it turns out to be the secondary character they met five minutes in.
The post fails to end with a clever comment.
Posted by Johnny Thunder
@ 08/04/2005 12:21 PM EDT
What happened in "The Village?"
Number Six is put on "Trial" which was really a confirmation hearing for him to become the next Number Two. But Six won’t have any of that and just wants the identity of Number One. He rescues the Leo McKern Number Two and the Carnaby Street Guy from being launched into space in the rocket piloted by Number One, who may be just a madman. The group make a run for it as the rocket launches, bullets flying as "All You Need Is Love" plays in the background. Jumping in the trailer from the previous episode the little butler drives them out from The Village and in short time they all end up in London, Where Number Six finds his apartment waiting for him, Two walks into Parliment, and Carnaby hitchhikes to greener pastures. Six and The Butler go into the apartment, and the door closes auotmatically, with that familiar electric hum that all doors in The Village make as they operate. Cue credits and the Penny-farthing Bicycle.
Or, were you thinking of Shlongadong’s movie? I ain’t seen that one.
Posted by kingklash
@ 08/04/2005 12:27 PM EDT
I always had issues with the whole Transformers Beast Wars thing.
First of all, there was some sort of timing incongruency that i could never quite figure out.
Second, when the Predacons finally found and broke into the Ark, all the G1’s were inside…ALREADY IN THEIR EARTH-VEHICLE SIMULATED FORMS!!! I thought the whole thing was that when they awakened, little probes went out to find area-related objects that the transformers could mimic to hide their identities? How could they already look like earth vehicles from the "future"???
Posted by bad karma
@ 08/04/2005 12:30 PM EDT
LOL! Thanks for thoroughly confusing me kingklash!
(so yah, i was referring to the M Knight Sumyoungguy movie)
Posted by bad karma
@ 08/04/2005 12:32 PM EDT
The Village (the movie this time)
In the end the villagers don’t live in 1897, but the present. The village is actually a project devised by Elder Walker. The village elders all suffered tragic losses in their modern lives. To escape violence, they started a village inside a wildlife preserve, walled off from society. The elders masquerade as the monsters to keep the younger and unknowing members within village boundaries. Lucius Hunt is seriously injured and needs medicine. The elders have sworn never to return to the 21st C, so Elder Walker sends his blind daughter, Ivy for the medicine. Surviving a perilous trek during which Noah (Adrien Brody) dies, she meets up with a security guard patrolling the preserve’s perimeter. She gets medicine for Ivy, and she returns to the village still knowing nothing about the outside world, although she now knows the monsters are not real. The guard was unaware people were living inside the preserve.
Posted by Mikey
@ 08/04/2005 1:02 PM EDT
That’s just my head, whenever someone mentions "The Village," I always think of "The Prisoner."
Well, in the pilot for TransFormers, it has been shown that the robot bodies were the same, just the Alter-forms were different. Wheeljack was a hovercraft-type thing, and Bumblebee was a saucer-shaped wheeled car. Later eps screwed up the continuity, though. Then BW Megatron tried to alter Time with his attempt, so maybe time was set right, it’s hard to tell when you muck about with time. Someone needs to earn a Marvel No-Prize for figuring this out.
Posted by kingklash
@ 08/04/2005 1:03 PM EDT
In Turner & Hooch. The Dog "Hooch" dies in the end.
Posted by Tom Hanks
@ 08/04/2005 2:02 PM EDT
And speaking of "The Prisoner", anyone want to take a stab at just WTF was going on in that final episode?
I know that Number Six finally faces off against Number One, but, he pulls off Number One’s mask, and it’s Number Six. And then all kinds of surrealistic holy hell breaks loose.
But, what does it all mean?
Posted by Devastatin' Dodge
@ 08/04/2005 2:06 PM EDT
Otis, Baby, & Spaulding find themselves staring down the barrell of a police roadblock. Happy maybe-memories flash by as they lock, load, and speed down the road guns ablaze in slo-mo to the tune of Free Bird. As the song picks up momentum the screen goes black and we hear time catch up as evidenced by the stark sound of a barrage of bullets hitting…someone. They COULD have blown through. maybe I’m just hopelessly optimistic.
Posted by Knegative
@ 08/04/2005 2:08 PM EDT
What happens to Neo at the end of "Revolutions"?
Posted by Lost in the Matrix
@ 08/04/2005 2:14 PM EDT
Hardy har har. He dies :( But self-sacrifice is noble so
Posted by Knegative
@ 08/04/2005 2:25 PM EDT
I’m assuming you were being silly. If you’re serious, I could give you a 20 page essay on the topic. I won’t, but I could.
Oh how you guys would hate me then, eh?
Posted by Knegative
@ 08/04/2005 2:27 PM EDT
Neo was eaten. His brain anyway.
Anyone know what happened to the doctor at the end of northern exposure? That show got really weird towards the end.
Posted by RAS
@ 08/04/2005 2:27 PM EDT
Kneg-
I was serious. Maybe my blonde is showing, but I have never really gotten the end of that movie.
Posted by Lost in the Matrix
@ 08/04/2005 2:32 PM EDT
Jimmy wins the contest and on his way home, spots the dinosaur on the way to Palm Springs and goes monkeyshit "California! California!" They all go inside the head where Pee Wee fucked Simone so many years ago and lay some crap out of his lunchbox down.
Joshua Jackson was the werewolf all along and Christina Ricci kills him by hacking his head off with the blunt end of a shovel. She also doesn’t show her amazing tits.
The Neo-Nazis find Amy, X, and Jordan and seriously fuck their day up. It’s hard to even talk about it. Anyone who knows what I mean can attest to this. But I’m sure Amy parted those succulent roast beef curtains only too well to receive the Virgin Mary.
The Village is really sequestered inside a wild animal refuge in the present day. Bryce Dallas Howard visits the "Towns" and M Night Scamarhourn talks some bullshit while reading a very depressing newspaper. (i’m only being comically cynical here. Shymalayan is GOD.)
The Tripods choke on our germs and vomit their alien pilots all over the National Guard. Tom Cruise hugs his should have been dead son.
Dan Aykroyd realizes that source programmable guidance will deter the nuke from annhilating the U.S. and makes it change trajectory. Steve Forrest and Tom Hatten (from those movies on KTLA back in the day) have their little NORAD raided.
Jimmy Cuervo impales Luc Crash on a fence post as Lola’s spell dies at sunrise. And I am really sorry that I know this. I want my 4 bucks back!!
Another doberman spews a bunch of maggots. Credits Roll, Cue the Snoop Dogg song.
The little boy tricks the lead singer of Blondie and shoves HER ass in the oven instead.
Steven spears Kane and Grammy Jess shuttles Carol Anne back over from the Other Side. Tangina so powerful and commanding from the first film does absolutely fuckall.
He was cured alright! Gene Kelley sings.
John Spartan assures Lenina Huxley that fucking after you destroy a Cryo Prison is better than kissing. Billy Idol sings.
The spiders crawl all over Gene Simmons and then detonate.
Captain Chaos is distracted by what he thinks is a drowning baby and Adrienne Barbeau and her bitch win the race. JJ should murder Victor but has a laugh instead. A bunch of creepy kids who probably did the choir bits from "Poltergeist" sing and bloopers ensue.
Macaulay Culkin’s mom drops the little cockstain off a cliff.
Nancy turns her back on Freddy and he turns into stardust. The next morning Freddy gives Nancy a ride to school and pulls her mom through the door window.
Anakin roasts like a turkey, turns into Vader, gives the worst "NOOOOO!" in cinematic history.
Louise throws her magic necklace back at Madame Serena at the school dance. I mean cmon, who really wants to have magic powers.
Kevin Lomax redeems himself through suicide. Al Pacino screams a lot. The Rolling Stones sing.
Morris Day and The Time rock the house with a stoner and a fat man in an overcoat.
They wonder if Death is still after them. A barbeque explodes and a mother is served her son’s limb.
Tom Cruise bites Christain Slater. Promises him a chance he never had. Guns N Roses sing.
Every single fuckin muppet in the movie shows up in Sara’s room and they sing and dance. Hedwig ,somehow lost from Harry Potter flies off into the credits.
Every single telephone on the planet rings in unison.
Robert DeNiro is a schizo and was Charlie all along. Tries to kill Dakota Fanning which is ok. Also tries to kill Famke Janssen which is not.
Manni finds his marks from a bum on a bike even though Lola gambled up a small fortune to save him.
Nicole Kidman tells Tom Cruise that they should go home and fuck.
Giovanni Ribisi tells Vin Diesel he best get the fuck out before the feds shut the firm down. Unfortunately he also gives him advice on his acting career.
Christoper Walken shoots Michael Keaton and Michelle Pfeiffer alot.
They finally take his retarded ass to the fuckin Baywatch!
Stephen Dorff launches a rocket into the demon’s chest and it all goes away.
Elizabeth Shue jerks Nicolas Cage off right before he says "Oh wow" and dies.
Brad Pitt finds out what the fuck is in the fucking booooxxxxxx! Morgan Freeman does voiceover. Surprise surprise.
Al Pacino puts on sunglasses, falls out of his chair. Credits roll.
Soldiers sing the theme to "Mickey Mouse Club" while walking over fried gooks.
Aliens pack up our universe in a marble bag and close it tight.
Sarah lowers him down into the molten steel. He gives a thumbs up. 13 year olds all over the world cannot believe they are crying. Brad Fiedel’s score is rich and powerful. A director makes his action masterpiece and the bar on action films is set as high as it goes and is never surpassed. THATS IT! THERE IS NO 3! THERE WAS NO 3!
T H E E N D
Posted by Ass Like That
@ 08/04/2005 2:38 PM EDT
Nash is the one that betrayed all the heroes!
Angel Fish stayed out of the battle so she could bring all of the dead pets back to life.
Jesus turns out to be a part-alien hybrid, and the wound on his side turns out to be a vagina. REALLY. I saw a movie that ended like that. Pity me.
And Dumbledore is deader than a can of spam.
Posted by Knitter
@ 08/04/2005 2:39 PM EDT
In that case, I apologize. I’m used to being razzed about Revolutions. My name only has a little bit to do with it, after all. I assumed you knew because of your name. But I should remember what assuming does
Neo lets Smith overtake him. The Neo-Smith clone explodes from the inside out. Then the "main Smith" pulls a Hayden Christensen "It’s not fair!" before he too explodes setting off a chain reaction killing all the Smiths. The people overtaken are restored and the God-Machine keeps his promise of peace. The architect warns the Oracle that peace doesn’t really last, but agrees to set free all of the humans plugged into the Matrix. The sun rises on a new day. The End.
I won’t go into implications, there are WAY too many to discuss her. Hence, I’ve just listed the events.
Posted by Knegative
@ 08/04/2005 2:40 PM EDT
That Horcrux thing, (I haven’t read the book yet) it seems familiar. Didn’t Iron Man villain The Mandarin pull the same type of stunt? He was vaporized, but moved his spirit/soul/essence/spark into his rings. His power-hungry henchman puts them on, and is immediately taken over by Mandarin, who reshapes the body into a younger version of himself. Maybe Dumbledore will do the same thing, if his body is really done for. To use another Marvelism, Only Bucky Stays Dead.
Posted by kingklash
@ 08/04/2005 2:53 PM EDT
Maggie did shot Mr Burns
Posted by Ed
@ 08/04/2005 3:04 PM EDT
Flynn jumps into the MCP’s transmisson beam, allowing Tron to decompile the bloatated program. Flynn gets info-dumped back out into the real world, Dillinger gets his comeuppance, allowing Flynn to occupy the Sr. exec position. Time-lapse from day into night over the city, showing how we’re not so far removed from the life inside the Encom computers. Journey sings.
Posted by kingklash
@ 08/04/2005 3:18 PM EDT
At the end of Fullmetal Alchemist, Ed is trasported to an alternate world in order to bring back Al from "across the gate", but Al has amnesia and doesn’t remember a thing. They continue to try to find a way to meet up again.
I remember StarCom, i had about the entire series…
Posted by That Guy
@ 08/04/2005 3:56 PM EDT
at the end of steel angel kurumi, Kurumi turns into an angel instead of a demon. It’s still a bad idea to make her angry.
Posted by RAS
@ 08/04/2005 4:08 PM EDT
SUPER SECRET SPOILER!!!!!
At comment 147 this post runs completely out of steam…
Posted by Nostradomus
@ 08/04/2005 4:24 PM EDT
In Debbie Does Dallas, she whores herself so she can get to Dallas.
i’ve always wondered how those type of movies end, I never get all the way through it.
Posted by sad little man
@ 08/04/2005 5:50 PM EDT
At the end of "The village" it turns out that they are living in the present in a town sucluded from today. And the monsters are really the higher ups dressed in costums to keep people inside. I dont know why people thought this was a crappy twist.
Posted by Zorkporker
@ 08/04/2005 5:55 PM EDT
Ross and Rachel get back together, again
Posted by dork
@ 08/04/2005 6:25 PM EDT
I don’t think anyone’s posted Cowboy Bebop yet? Spike gets himself killed because he’s just not ready to give up on the leather pantsuit for the yellow hotpants. That stubborn idiot.
Just finished this one yesterday: In Like Water for Chocolate Tita and Pedro finally make love freely and their passion ignites a volcanic explosion that burns for a week and consumes the entire ranch. Seriously.
The feds arrest Johnnie Sak, but not until after Tony Uncle Johnny shoots Tony B. in the face.
Sunnydale is a hole in the ground. Buffy just smiles.
Joss Whedon gets pissed off at his show not being renewed and leaves Angel, Spike, Ilyria/Fred, (and possibly Gunn, I don’t remember) about to be completely annhilated by countless baddies. I felts so cheated.
Posted by Gabbylicious
@ 08/04/2005 8:19 PM EDT
Real Genius: instead of laser-vaporizing a human, Chris Knight and Mitch Taylor reidirect it to Professor Jerry Hathaway’s house where it pops a zillion pounds of popcorn bursting the sides of the house. Lazlo Hollyfeld win’s frito lay’s contest. Mitch gets his girl. Tears for Fears sings.
Posted by kb
@ 08/04/2005 8:21 PM EDT
Hellz yeah! ^^^ Now that’s what I’m talking about!
Posted by kidneyboy
@ 08/04/2005 10:21 PM EDT
Cartmans father is his mother.
Posted by Ed
@ 08/04/2005 10:38 PM EDT
In Sandman, Morpheus refuses to change, and realizes that he must die and a new Sandman must be born. He takes the infant Daniel, who becomes the new Sandman… and it’s quite possibly the best thing I’ve ever read, including classic novels.
Posted by VeganMike
@ 08/04/2005 11:12 PM EDT
I just watched Golden Palace for the first time, and it’s the greatest show ever. Cheech snapping on Blanche! Is he supposed to be Cuban? Does this show pick up when Dorothy goes off with Leslie Nielsen?
Darlene actually married Mark, Dan really died, Jackie was gay and it was all a goddamn story.
Best bit in Charlie was Violet’s inflation. The Christopher Lee flashbacks didn’t work IMO and I was cringing during good chunks of the song numbers.
Thelma and Louise drive into the Grand Canyon.
Hero: He’s lying and really there to assasinate the king but he falters and gets taken down by approximately four hundred thousand arrows and the moral of the story is yay communism.
Michael Jackson has scary wolf eyes and Vincent Price laughs.
Kill Bill 2: After a pretty surreal reunion Bea and Bill hash it out and she kills him using Pai Mei’s exploding heart technique. No one dies by sword in the entire movie (that I can remember).
Way too much about Potter: Horcruxes are objects that conceal part of someone’s soul. It’s basically an abomination of magic and the spell is accomplished with a murder. No wizard is believed to have ever made more than one, and Volds has six, plus one soul fragment in his body. Each one mutilated his soul and made him less human (Dumbledore would never have a Horcrux). Harry destroyed one of Voldemort’s in Chamber of Secrets (the diary) and Dumbledore destroyed one (a ring) but it cost him his hand. Dumbledore thought the others were a locket that belonged to Slytherin and a cup that belonged to Hufflepuff, Nagini the snake and something unknown that once belonged to Ravenclaw or Gryffindor. Harry and Dumbledore are out trying to capture the locket when it hits the fan, but the one they fight to get turns out to be a fake, with a note from what is pretty widely assumed to be Sirius’s bro inside telling Voldie to jump in a lake. Dumbledore is most certainly dead and gone. As to whether Snape’s true true true motives I won’t be convinced until the next book but I’m positive that Malfoy’s mom was sent to Spinner’s End purposely by the Dark Lord. And we still don’t know what meant AD’s triumphant gleam in book 4.
i cant name all of them but heres what i could off the top of my head. and much kudos to ALT.
the wizard
the curse? or cursed? never saw it.
???
uh the village duh
war of the worlds and the son should of died!! wtf speilberg?!?
sneakers??
???
bones?
???
???
a clockwork orange
demolition man!! and what was the deal with the 3 sea shells?!?
???
???
???
???
there was no prequel trilogy. especially no episode 3 revenge of the sith
???
???
dogma? clerks? dont ask me to remember a kevin smith film please
final destination 2
interview with a vampire.
labyrinth?
???
hide and seek
run lola run
eyes wide shut
boiler room
i know this one… its on the tip of my tounge. damnit!!
???????
not sure. blade?
city of angels?
haha se7en.
???
apocalypse now??
ugh. men in black
terminator 2 and amen.
Posted by evadrad
@ 08/05/2005 3:03 AM EDT
The "disappearing pig" legerdemain that Willow couldn’t get right at the fair at the beginning of the movie is what saves baby Elora from being destroyed by Bavmorda.
After surviving the SOL’s crash to earth, Mike, Tom, and Crow get a very small apartment together, choose not to invest in Gypsy’s very successful business venture, and find a sort of contentment in doing what they always did– sit together and riff on movies.
True to his nature, Ataru never tells Lum he loves her– but it is an unspoken show of love that saves the town, when the horns that she shed fall out of his pocket as he calls for her one last time, crying that he’ll never forget her. Lum shuts off the whole process and runs to be with him… only to have to run away from the whole town, howling for both their bloods. As they flee, Lum says confidently that she’ll make Ataru say it one day; smirking, he replies, "I’ll say it on my deathbed."
Eggs are poison to Nomes. The Nome King accidentally swallows one as he attempts to eat Jack Pumpkinhead, and he dies gruesomely. The girl who rescued Dorothy from the clinic is in fact Ozma, the rightful ruler of Oz. Dorothy gives her the ruby slippers, which allow Ozma to return her to Oz any time she likes. After returning to Kansas, Dorothy’s ‘illness’ is cured, because now she knows she doesn’t have to prove Oz exists anymore.
Optimus Prime’s nightmarish premonition comes true, as he finds himself with no other option but to throw himself to the ravening Swarm, and be eaten alive. However, this proves to be the key, because when the Swarm comes to his Matrix, it finally finds what it has been missing, and speeds off into the universe, now with a purpose to its existence, rebuilding Optimus Prime in a body befitting a combat hero as a farewell gift. Lord Jhiaxus is dead; his lieutenant Rook reports this to a vast, shadowy figure identified as Liege Maximo, who declares that he would know if Megatron was dead, for Megatron is his offspring!
The reason Bill and Ted only mess things up as badly as they do is because Little Ted and Little Bill, as adults, have made it their job to follow their teenage dads through time and clean up their messes. Although Thaddeus Preston was miserable after Missy left him, he hits it off with the Grim Reaper’s friend Nature.
The treasure behind the Thousand-Year Door is actually the ghost of the demoness who destroyed the original town a thousand years ago. She was placed there by four heroes, who were cursed for their good deed by being transformed into black chests– the very ones that granted Mario his paper powers. Vivian, Marian, and Beldam, the Shadow Sirens, are the servants of this demoness, the Shadow Queen, and they were manipulating the Xes from the beginning. The reason behind Peach’s kidnapping– the demoness needed a body, and Peach was to be the donor. Peach is the final boss.
OK, squee4242, thank you so much for commenting on the "triumphant gleam" in Book 4. That seemed hugely significant to me and no one comments on it and no one comments on the fact that it remains unresolved.
Anyone have any ideas?
Posted by KT
@ 08/05/2005 11:13 AM EDT
1st Season of Thundercats is coming to DVD on August 9th. Thundercats - HO!
Posted by Traynor
@ 08/05/2005 11:42 AM EDT
Of course ThunderCats ho’. They’ve fallen on hard times lately, and need a way to make money.
Posted by kingklash
@ 08/05/2005 11:52 AM EDT
All Hail kb with the Real Genius "spoiler." LOL.
Awesome movie…
It makes me think of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, "I drank what?"
LOL
Posted by bad karma
@ 08/05/2005 12:48 PM EDT
KT - I have no idea, but I’m pretty sure Harry will figure it out like right before he needs to information to pull off something amazing.
evadrad: The Kevin Smith movie in Ass Like That’s post was Jay and Silent Bob Strike back. And Kevin Smith movies are awesome!
Posted by Gabbylicious
@ 08/05/2005 12:48 PM EDT
Well, the classic Kevin Smith movies are awesome. I haven’t seen Jersey Girl, so I’ve got no idea there…
Posted by Gabbylicious
@ 08/05/2005 12:48 PM EDT
Lazlo Hollyfeld from "Real Genius"=Uncle Rico from "Napolean Dynamyte"
Posted by kb
@ 08/05/2005 1:18 PM EDT
Lazlo/Rico also = Brutes from the TV series "the Pretender".
Posted by bad karma
@ 08/05/2005 1:51 PM EDT
Gabby, Jersey Girl is awesome. Don’t listen to anyone else. Ben turns in his best dramatic acting performance since Glory Daze. He will evoke some tears, I assure you.
And not from his acting any of you wise-acres out there!!
Kevin Smith, greatest writer/director ever?? Well at least tied with the Wachowskis. Sorry couldn’t resist.
Posted by Knegative
@ 08/05/2005 2:40 PM EDT
Gib gets the girl
Lane Meyer gets the girl
Lloyd Dobler gets the girl
Martin Blank gets the girl
Dan Bartlett saves the girl
Jake gets the girl and the dog(s)
Nick Falzone gets the girl back
Hoops saves the day and gets the girl
Rob Gordon gets the girl and ability to make the right mixtape
Jonathan Trager FINALLY gets the girl
Craig Schwartz gets stuck in the girl :P
Anyone else see a pattern? Then again, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.
Posted by Knegative
@ 08/05/2005 2:59 PM EDT
kneg-your cusack fetish is bigger than mine, or probably anyone’s
Posted by kb
@ 08/05/2005 3:14 PM EDT
At the end of Metal Gear Solid 3, it turns out you were playing as Big Boss all along.
Liam Neeson turns out to be Ra’s Al Ghul.
Roger Moore throws Christopher Walken off of the Golden Gate Bridge in "A View To A Kill".
Nate’s probably dead. Oh well. Loved him in SportsNight.
Posted by Flash1087
@ 08/05/2005 3:30 PM EDT
How does the CHIA PLOT end?!
Posted by Mugzy. . .
@ 08/05/2005 3:46 PM EDT
The real judgement isn’t on the blasted plains of Kansas, site of the Gulag, it’s in the skies above as Captain Marvel is the only one that can make the choice for both superhuman and human. Shouting his magic word an odd number of times to detonate the falling nuke, he chooses to die so that both sides can have a better future together than seperate. Kal-El, mad with grief over the loss where very few survived, beelines for the UN and almost brings it down on everyone inside. Pastor McKay reaches out to Clark Kent and helps him see that it’s not how his parents wanted him to be. The remaining heroes make a decision to live among the humans, not apart from them. Clark works single-handedly to bring back the Kansas farmland, taking a break to speak with Diana. Wayne Mansion becomes a hospital with the members of the MLF doing jobs commensurate with their earlier positions. I.E.; Riddler, Catwoman, get lighter duty than Luthor, who’s cleaning bedpans. Bruce, Diana, and Clark meet a year later at Planet Krypton. The late, great Mark Gruenwald is in the background. Clark and Diana, now a couple, want Bruce to be the godfather to their unborn child. Despite his not-so-sterling record as a father figure, Bruce accepts. The Spectre Platter is cottage cheese on a bed of spinach. I want a Green Lantern coffee mug.
Posted by kingklash
@ 08/05/2005 3:59 PM EDT
The Castaways hated civilization after being rescued, but they aren’t too happy when Gilligan’s mistake shipwrecks them again… on the same island!
Fry has to give the Robot Devil back his hands, thus losing his ability to play the holophone, but winning Leela (possibly).
Okay, this question has been weighing on my mind forever. How does Jason (pre AD) Bateman’s series "It’s Your Move" end? Did Eli get laid?
Posted by Dapper-Dan
@ 08/05/2005 6:32 PM EDT
Biggest one ever…
Turns out, that girl from the bar last week DID have the crabs…
Posted by FreshSpuds
@ 08/05/2005 9:49 PM EDT
Primal loads Megatron up onto the back of the ship, and the gang flies home to Cybertron.
And then a crappy series we all ignore takes place.
Posted by RabiesBunny
@ 08/05/2005 10:16 PM EDT
kb, I’d be remiss (and a dead man) if I didn’t say that my best friend is the biggest Cusack fan in the universe, and the one I picked the habit up from. The glory is all hers
Posted by Knegative
@ 08/05/2005 11:13 PM EDT
Jimmy retires and moves to New Hamshire, but wait! He buys a radio station/newspaper (?) and Dave tries to save his staff (except for Matthew, who he tries to get Jimmy to take). Lisa leaves her felonious husband, Dave and Matthew are left alone at WNYX. Dave and Lisa do NOT end up together. Is sad.
Hyrule was flooded and now resides under The Great Sea.
Maximus dies.
so does Trinity.
Michelle gets her memory back.
Voyager gets home.
Data dies.
Sgt. Neelie was really Eileen Jacobson. Marcus told her Jason’s Warquest username.
Lucy pulls the ball away right before hes about to kick it.
Garfield kicks Odie off the table.
and finally, she laughs and tells you theres no chance in hell shes sleeping with you. sorry.
Posted by xero
@ 08/06/2005 5:06 AM EDT
oh, and the princess is in another castle. woops.
Posted by xero
@ 08/06/2005 5:07 AM EDT
what’s eating gilbert grape?
Posted by ryan
@ 08/06/2005 12:51 PM EDT
Zoltar (Berg Katse) was both Male and Female. Not quite exactly a hermaphrodite, but twins fused together in the womb. Since you can’t quite fit two things in the exact same space without twisting quantum mechanics all to heck, the twins took turns being dominant, sort of. Like Rick Jones and Mar-Vell. Important plot point in Gatchaman, but not touched on during Battle of the Planets.
Posted by kingklash
@ 08/06/2005 1:40 PM EDT
Cathouse: Dennis and Sunset break up and she leaves the Bunny Ranch to go work at the Kit Kat Ranch. It’s really sad.
Sex and the City: Miranda marries Steve and moves to Brooklyn, Charlotte adopts a Chinese baby, Samantha is a thinly disguised allegory for a slutty gay dude and Carrie gets a happy ending we’re supposed to think she deserves.
Carnivale: Brother Justin turns out to be Sofie’s dad, and to have the hots for her. Samson is a smooth talker and much more proactive in two days then Ben or Management were in two seasons. Ben kills Bro J to save Sofie, but Sofie goes all evil and kills Jones and maybe, just maybe brings back her pops from the dead. Hundreds of thousands of fans turn to each other saying What The Fuck.
Batman is really Bruce Wayne, and Superman is really Clark Kent!
Posted by mikey
@ 08/09/2005 11:05 AM EDT
Hey Rabies Bunny, sounds alot like what happened to Josie and the Pussycats. Everyone ignored it when THEY went into space! Not that I was old enough to know that…
Posted by Allison
@ 08/09/2005 11:06 AM EDT
RabiesBunny
HA! God Beast MAchines was an atrocity….
Somehow Megatron taking out the entire population of Cybertron with a "virus" was the most absurd thing I have ever seen in my life….
Posted by XGalvatronX
@ 08/09/2005 11:16 AM EDT
Can anyone tell me how the bizarre SNES RPG EarthBound ended? I’m very near the ned of the game but too curious to know what happens, so puh-leez tell meeee! (Sorry to sound so pathetic.)
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