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Mildly Interesting ’80s Print Ads!

Grab your drink, grab your junk, grab a chair and relax -- this is a nice, long one for ya. A bunch of the greatest print ads of the `80s, pulled from children's mags ranging in topic from He-Man to Andre the Giant. Over a dozen trips back in time, with ads covering WWF Ice Cream Bars, Photon, Battle Beasts and more. Some really fun stuff chucked in there; if it's received well, I may do a second chapter next week. Look, you're going to see Jimmy Hart's life-sized face if you read this. Do it.

Posted by Matt on 07/10/2005. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 182 comments

I have to wonder if that wireless controller is like all early wireless technology. usually ran by infrared and if you turned about 15 degrees in any direction other than direct center to the reciever, it stopped working.

had that pogo bal, or something like it when i was a kid, i remember it popping and me falling over and doing a face plant onto the curb.
still have the scar

Chestnuts roasted by Gene @ 07/11/2005 10:16 AM

"Coup." You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Chestnuts roasted by tanta07 @ 07/11/2005 11:09 AM

I misuse words all the time. Consider it part of the gimmick. :)

However, coup does = A brilliantly executed stratagem; a triumph.

And that’s how I mean it. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/11/2005 11:15 AM

To get back on subject, don’t you wish, JUST ONCE, that your ice cream bar looked as pristinely perfect as the one Jimmy Hart’s holding?

Mine always looked like they had been sitting in the sun for three hours, after having been run over by a cement mixer.

Chestnuts roasted by tanta07 @ 07/11/2005 11:32 AM

Oh, man. Those freaking white Shark Bites. I have two distinct scars that can be traced directly back to white Shark Bites. On my forearm, you can still make out my cousin’s teeth marks where he bit me–about seventeen YEARS ago, mind you–because he was so terribly excited that grandma was buying us Shark Bites with the mystical great white shark pieces.
The second was inflicted only days later, when, as he smugly brandished the last white snack out of the last packet in the box, I snatched it from his pudgy fingers and scarfed it.
And so he grabbed one of those big plastic dinosaur figures, the green T-Rex with all the Stegosaurus fins on its back, and hit me across the face with it as hard as he could. And so I have a three-inch scar just under my eye.
Come to think of it, pretty much every scar on my body is his fault in one way or another. Maybe I should consider a restraining order.

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 07/11/2005 11:35 AM

Had a little more time to appreciate the article today unlike the rush job of last night.
Nice observation on the laser gun games crossing age barriers. While we never had one, my older brother (5 years) did see fit to come down from his lofty pre-pubescent pedestal to play Laser Tag with me and his friends.
Also, that I find that Chester Cheetah poster a little sad now since I am a parent, teacher, and geek (?). Did you notice the STAR WARS/CHESTER CHEETAH game on the website?????? Wow. Yoda tells Chester that he must destroy the DEF Star. Wow.

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 07/11/2005 12:04 PM

I can’t read the damn article, I keep getting "Song’d". Grrrrrrr…adddsssss.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremy @ 07/11/2005 12:08 PM

Oh man, the controller wires just cracked me up. It was sooo true. Me and my brother would sit – oh, roughly 3 feet away from the TV, playing our Sears rip off of Atari, and here comes mom, carrying laundry or something and boom! Atari came crashing down from the glass shelf and controllers went flying. "Aww, Mom!" would be heard simultaneously. So sad…

I had a Pogo Ball (I can’t bring myself to only use one L!) too, but didn’t use it much. I remember that you practically had to break your ankle to get on the damn thing.

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 07/11/2005 12:08 PM

O, mist filled pits,
Dark, dank, unclear,
Touch all ‘fore me
With frost-fingered fear!

I still have Cravex and Arzon. Arzon because his Power Staff could summon Knowledge. (A whim, a thought, and more is sought. Awake, my mind. Thy Will be wrought!) Cravex becuse Chris Latta voiced him. (Oh, how it pains me to do this, Megatron.) I also have the Decepticon Pretender SkullGrin. When I bought him, Ma said he looked like something out of the Book of Revelation. The robot designs were more like failed ideas from the Clones subgroup. I got AutoBot Pincer later (I like scorpions) and he was a even bigger disappointment, robot-wise, than Skully. Great big shell, itty-bitty robot.

Wasn’t Photon riding on the fame of it’s "pay a buttload of money to run around a dark room trying to snipe your friends" origins? Any one ever watch the "Photon" TV show? Live actors Chroma-key’d over miniature sets.

"Fudged-up their cookies?" Was Chef writing ad copy for them back then?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash's totem animal is Yogi Bear @ 07/11/2005 12:11 PM

I’ve done an article on the Photon TV show. It was…interesting.

I’ve only played at one official Photon arena, once in my life — the old, giant, beautiful one in Wildwood, NJ. (starwenn, ya here?) It was amazing — with all the planks and tunnels and fog machines, the works. Even after it closed, the building remained up for several years complete with the giant "Photon" logo painted on the sign. I believe it’s gone now, sniff.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/11/2005 12:19 PM

I was actually pretty good with the pogo ball, I couldn’t do any tricks or anything but I could stay on it and hop about all over the place. But one time it popped on me while I was using it, and I fell really hard and broke my wrist.

THe someobdy tripping over the nintendo thing happened to me when I was on the last state in Rampage. Even though Rampage was an easy game it took like 3 or 4 hours of pretty much almost exactly the same stage to beat.

Does anybody remember these fruit snacks where there were peices that were halfs of a whistle and you could put the peices to gether and have a semi-working whistle?

Chestnuts roasted by BrightNoah @ 07/11/2005 12:27 PM

Matt, after Castle Dracula burnt down, they pretty much tore down the everything on the pier, including the Photon sign. I was always amazed at how long it stayed up, even after the arena closed down. They at least kept that giant rotating sign that spinned around, advertising Castle Dracula. Only now, it advertises Burger King or something. Sad.

Chestnuts roasted by Y2JB78 @ 07/11/2005 12:36 PM

Y2J — Not sure how long you’ve been going there, but do you remember the GIANT Castle Dracula sign that lingered on the corner of the boardwalk near the Ferris Wheel?

"MORE GHOULISH THAN EVER!" It had a bootleg Cryptkeeper. I loved that sign to death. It was the first of my fave Wildwood things to go, sadly.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/11/2005 12:44 PM

Anyone remember centurions and How amazingly amazing and cool they were? Oh, toys had character back then…

Chestnuts roasted by Centurion EXTREME @ 07/11/2005 12:49 PM

Holy cow this article brings back to some memories…thank you so much.

The Fridge action figure! I sent off for that…omg it was so exciting waitign for that thing in the mail. I loved that damn figure. Unfortunately his last adventure was down my toilet.

I had a ton of Battle Beasts too. Those were cool little toys. Thanks again.

Chestnuts roasted by Maxx @ 07/11/2005 1:23 PM

I don’t know if this is an urban legend or not, but I heard that when Chester Cheeto first came out, he had a voice remarkably like Tom Waits. So much so that Tom Waits sued (and won) to get them to stop using it.

Chestnuts roasted by Shake @ 07/11/2005 1:43 PM

That photon show was absolutely bizzare. Supposedly, you could shoot at targets during the show and it would register somehow. I had Lazer Tag, so I never bothered to try it.

Chestnuts roasted by klatubaradanikto @ 07/11/2005 1:45 PM

I totally have that formula one racer from the jell-o pop ad! Legos and Jell-o Pops rock!

Chestnuts roasted by Amber @ 07/11/2005 1:49 PM

There really was a US Videogame team. They made a crappy direct-to-video VHS about how to play nintendo games

Chestnuts roasted by Pigeon @ 07/11/2005 1:53 PM

Carri, this just screamed out at me, was it intentional? "I had a regular pogo stick and was jealous of the balls."

I wonder if Ms. (?) Gary Morin still lives at 631 Shawsheen St.; Tewksbury, MA 01876? If so, I wonder if Ms. Gary remembers reading that He-Man mag. Wellp, only one way to find out . . .

Chestnuts roasted by Pedro @ 07/11/2005 2:13 PM

do any one know if mike tyson punch out is on sp

Chestnuts roasted by erick @ 07/11/2005 2:26 PM

So WWE ice cream bars are made today? I NEED one with Muhammed Hassan’s fugly mug emblazened across the delicious treat…

Chestnuts roasted by Bifflog @ 07/11/2005 2:28 PM

To back up Pigeon and Phunq, and lead some readers to an enjoyable, if possibly offensive NES page, check out Seanbaby.com for all your US Video Game team needs.

Matching Jumpsuits included.

Not recommended for At Work viewing.

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/11/2005 2:39 PM

I must be the only one who had any Pogo Bal skillz around. Never popped on me either. I could do a trick where I’d spin the Pogo Bal, then jump on it and keep Bal’in. I didn’t get a chance to try it out on our trampoline tho.

Time to go through the old magazines and VHS tapes and try to find any 80s gems…

Chestnuts roasted by germ78 @ 07/11/2005 2:55 PM

Kokomo is on the radio right now! Ack!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 07/11/2005 2:59 PM

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This entry was posted on Sunday, July 10th, 2005 at 6:19 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.