X-Entertainment | Mildly Interesting ’80s Print Ads!

Mildly Interesting ’80s Print Ads!

Grab your drink, grab your junk, grab a chair and relax -- this is a nice, long one for ya. A bunch of the greatest print ads of the `80s, pulled from children's mags ranging in topic from He-Man to Andre the Giant. Over a dozen trips back in time, with ads covering WWF Ice Cream Bars, Photon, Battle Beasts and more. Some really fun stuff chucked in there; if it's received well, I may do a second chapter next week. Look, you're going to see Jimmy Hart's life-sized face if you read this. Do it.

Posted by Matt on 07/10/2005. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 182 comments

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Forgot to add: ALPHACENTAURIAN, I also still have 1 or 2 MUPPET mags from 1984 but the RETURN OF THE JEDI issue is sadly not one of them.
I added GARBAGE PAIL KIDS the movie to the Netflix list. I will have to make sure Mrs. Manimal and E. Claire have prior engagements that day lest they be corrupted.

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 07/10/2005 11:21 PM

My biggest fruit snack memory from the ’80s is when the white shark was introduced to (I think) Shark Bites. Oh man – that was the defining moment of the Fruit Snack Age.

On another fruit-related note, I recently read the Ecto Cooler mystery article in the X-E archives. After buying some Shoutin’ Orange Tangergreen Hi-C today, my recepit also showed the words "Ecto Cool". Can’t wait to try it tomorrow.

Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 07/10/2005 11:38 PM

That article took me back a bit (some products I don’t remember though…never friggin’ heard of photon, nor did I know there was a garbage pail kids movie until last year)

but this site usually has a tendency to make one nostalgic, god job matt…

I got a question for you all though…back when I was a little kid in the 80′s…I had a few of these toys that were skeletons of dinosaurs, but you could form them into giant weapons like catapults and other vehicles…and there were little cavemen figures that piloted them…I think they were called "bone wars" or some shit…

anyways…if you remember them…don’t you think it’d be pimp as hell if they had come back?

Chestnuts roasted by Kenny/RiotEXE @ 07/11/2005 12:23 PM

Frostor: YES! Cheetos Paws! Man I loved those things. But I thought they still made them

I remember they made a Chester Cheeta Sega Genesis/Megadrive game. I rented it one of those times I was too sick to go to the video store but I wanted a game REAL BAD, so like the little, spoiled brat I was (and still am, by some accounts), I got my mom to rent a game for me.

That was usually a mistake unless I gave her strict instructions about what to look for and what to avoid. I don’t remember much about the game, except I don’t remember being too satisfied. But my mom got it for me so I didn’t complain.

Manimal: HYLIDE! Oh God, what a shitty game…

I remember renting Hylide from a video store my babysitter was working for at the time. I was so psyched about playing a new RPG, I pored over the instruction booklet countless times, looking at and familiarizing myself with all the items (you see, that night my sisters and I had to spend the night at her house for some reason… I didn’t mind cause I’d always had kind of a crush on her).

Well when I finally got the game home, I was shocked: the damn thing had ONE background musical theme that played over and over again, you "fought" enemies by walking into them and hoping you didn’t die, and you could beat the thing in 20 damn minutes if you knew what you were doing. I tried to play it but I was too disgusted.

I don’t think I ever gave it back. The video rental store went out of business and somewhere, in the back of one of my closets, is that shitty game.

I always feel bad when I think about that cause I know her pay was docked. That must be why she married that other guy instead of waiting for me!

O_o

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 07/11/2005 12:32 PM

Gaming’s been a big part of my life, can you tell? :/

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 07/11/2005 12:33 PM

I see a consensus building that Pogo-Balls were impossible. My brother and sister had them and no one could make them work.

I had a regular pogo stick and was jealous of the balls. But eventually I won the pogo popularity war just because I had a toy that actually worked.

Chestnuts roasted by Carri @ 07/11/2005 12:39 PM

CRUNCH! (Cheetos: Official Food of Britney Spears)

Everyone at my elementary school had a Pogo Ball…they were banned though…too many PB related injuries.

Chestnuts roasted by The Cheese that goooooooooes... @ 07/11/2005 12:40 PM

I remember that HBO special about commercials deceiving little kids, and I know my Dad still has it on VHS somewhere, he never throws anything away. What was the name of it? Anyone remember? I will look for it next time I’m there…

Chestnuts roasted by Jalbrzikowski @ 07/11/2005 12:43 PM

My parents would never buy me toys like Photon or Pogo Bal, but they were always high on my wish lists as a kid. *sigh* And I really miss Striped Chips Ahoy and Cheetos Paws. Funny how one forgets about those childhood loves and desires until surfing X-E!

Chestnuts roasted by Kieran Alexis @ 07/11/2005 12:46 PM

Anyone remember Zap-it guns? I think they were from the same year as Pogo Ball but there doesn’t seem to be much info online.

Chestnuts roasted by Carri @ 07/11/2005 1:05 AM

Did anyone ever notice that after awhile the Bal part of the Pogo Bal would either get really lopsided or after it took about a month of wear and tear it would pop right through the disc where your feet go? Then the illusion was ruined. The ball looked like it was just squished in the disc, but really it was shaped that way and had this little groove that would keep it in the disc. For awhile at least. I never mastered that stupid thing either, but it used to give me really bad blisters on the insides of my feet.

Chestnuts roasted by domico @ 07/11/2005 1:10 AM

I found a pogo ball in a goodwill a few weeks ago and was hopping all around the store until I got kicked out. I wonder if they still have it. mmmmm. fruit wrinkles

Chestnuts roasted by Lego Larry @ 07/11/2005 1:19 AM

Definitely one of the best articles you’ve ever written, Matt.

My mom actually had an allergic reaction to Paws-shaped Cheetos. We had to call an ambulance and everything. Strange thing is, she could eat regular Cheetos just fine. Maybe the Paws ones had a super-secret diabolical ingrediant or something?

Chestnuts roasted by Dean @ 07/11/2005 2:05 AM

Jimmy Hart’s face/beard = mucho hits.

Chestnuts roasted by Review the World @ 07/11/2005 2:10 AM

Currently sipping Lemon-Lime Kool-Aid.

Digging it.

Realizing my life is one of controversy.

On a related note, Ep. II rocks my socks

Also recommended: Life As a House. Primo Hayden action.

Chestnuts roasted by Knegative @ 07/11/2005 2:19 AM

What struck a chord for me was Matt’s comment on Nintento controller wires getting tripped on. Super Mario Bros. 3 was the biggest culprit here because (since using the whistles to pass the game was a cardinal sin amongst my friends) it was a game that literally took HOURS to even make a dent in. So of course, there I am on the air ship in Pipe Land just about to beat that Beethoven Koopa, when of course that’s when my cousin has to take a piss. Gets up, tangles up with the wires, pulls the whole thing off the TV, goodbye Ludwig Von Koopa. It was utterly traumatizing and it always makes you not want to play again for so long cause now you gotta go through the worlds ALL over again, not cause you lost, but because of your clumsy ass cousin.

Fucking Super Mario Bros 3

Chestnuts roasted by johny p @ 07/11/2005 2:20 AM

My neighbor had a pogo bal. I never saw her use it much. I think it sat in her garage. I loved those wrinkly fruit snacks. I use to swallow them too Matt. I think almost everybody did.

Gozer I remember the white shark in shark bites and the pegasus in the berry bears fruit snacks too.

How I wish I could have some Paws cheetos.

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 07/11/2005 2:51 AM

Gozer I remember the white shark in shark bites and the pegasus in the berry bears fruit snacks too.

Heh, segregated fruit snacks. Only one company tried it–the sharks were clearly for boys ("Eat them…before THEY eat YOU!") and the bears were clearly for girls, what with "Flight, the Magic Horse!" and all. That was his name, I remember it clearly.

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 07/11/2005 3:15 AM

You said fucking a fucking lot of times.

Chestnuts roasted by Connor S @ 07/11/2005 3:15 AM

With leftover "Fruitslush Mush" Archie ads dancing through my brain from elementary school, no friggen wonder I was so confused as to what I was supposed to do at our Middle School dances. Oh, that and the movie "Can’t Buy Me Love" where Patrick Dempsey learns how to get jiggy…

Chestnuts roasted by Yodafunk @ 07/11/2005 3:51 AM

2 Things:

1) I wish I had a Freedom Stick. To this day I remember my worst grounding, which came from my mom tripping over my NES cable, popping out the cart of Faxandu, killing hours of playing without a save, only to spy on the neighbors through the window.

I called her a fucking bitch at the top of my lungs. I’d do it again.

2) I want WWF Pops. Where are they in NYC?

Chestnuts roasted by Dai Shan @ 07/11/2005 4:19 AM

Dai Shan, that is an awesome story. Do you remember the duration?

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 07/11/2005 4:34 AM

Commander Awesome: What you’re thinking of are the "Laser Beasts," in which the gimmick was to hold them up to the light so they’d show off their alignments through their tummy transparencies. Some lucky Laser Beasts were gifted with "SUNBURST" alignment, which was the Battle Beasts equivalent of "Gun" or "Superman" or whatever your regional instant winner was when playing rock paper scissors.

Interestingly, the Fire/Water/Wood thing came from American marketing, and the Japanese rule was originally "Autobot beats Decepticon." Now that’s patently unfair!

Chestnuts roasted by G'Tron @ 07/11/2005 6:16 AM

What? He hasn’t found the Willie Wonka snack cakes yet? (Ducks for cover)

Chestnuts roasted by Ekkostar @ 07/11/2005 6:42 AM

WOW, I love it. I would adore a part II. Matt you do awesome work I look forward to your updates to break up my day at work. KUDOS MATT

Chestnuts roasted by rimmie @ 07/11/2005 7:38 AM

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