X-Entertainment.com X-Entertainment UGO
You are all doomed. Why not surrender? We might let you live.

« It’s a prehistoric bird! (House II) [Main Index] A Call for Commercials!! »

07/10/2005: Mildly Interesting ’80s Print Ads!

Grab your drink, grab your junk, grab a chair and relax — this is a nice, long one for ya. A bunch of the greatest print ads of the `80s, pulled from children’s mags ranging in topic from He-Man to Andre the Giant. Over a dozen trips back in time, with ads covering WWF Ice Cream Bars, Photon, Battle Beasts and more. Some really fun stuff chucked in there; if it’s received well, I may do a second chapter next week. Look, you’re going to see Jimmy Hart’s life-sized face if you read this. Do it.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Bookmark and Share


Discussion Thread: 182 comments

I have to wonder if that wireless controller is like all early wireless technology. usually ran by infrared and if you turned about 15 degrees in any direction other than direct center to the reciever, it stopped working.

had that pogo bal, or something like it when i was a kid, i remember it popping and me falling over and doing a face plant onto the curb.
still have the scar

Ghosted by Gene @ 07/11/2005 10:16 AM EDT

"Coup." You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Ghosted by tanta07 @ 07/11/2005 11:09 AM EDT

I misuse words all the time. Consider it part of the gimmick. :)

However, coup does = A brilliantly executed stratagem; a triumph.

And that’s how I mean it. :)

Ghosted by Matt @ 07/11/2005 11:15 AM EDT

To get back on subject, don’t you wish, JUST ONCE, that your ice cream bar looked as pristinely perfect as the one Jimmy Hart’s holding?

Mine always looked like they had been sitting in the sun for three hours, after having been run over by a cement mixer.

Ghosted by tanta07 @ 07/11/2005 11:32 AM EDT

Oh, man. Those freaking white Shark Bites. I have two distinct scars that can be traced directly back to white Shark Bites. On my forearm, you can still make out my cousin’s teeth marks where he bit me–about seventeen YEARS ago, mind you–because he was so terribly excited that grandma was buying us Shark Bites with the mystical great white shark pieces.
The second was inflicted only days later, when, as he smugly brandished the last white snack out of the last packet in the box, I snatched it from his pudgy fingers and scarfed it.
And so he grabbed one of those big plastic dinosaur figures, the green T-Rex with all the Stegosaurus fins on its back, and hit me across the face with it as hard as he could. And so I have a three-inch scar just under my eye.
Come to think of it, pretty much every scar on my body is his fault in one way or another. Maybe I should consider a restraining order.

Ghosted by Jedoc @ 07/11/2005 11:35 AM EDT

Had a little more time to appreciate the article today unlike the rush job of last night.
Nice observation on the laser gun games crossing age barriers. While we never had one, my older brother (5 years) did see fit to come down from his lofty pre-pubescent pedestal to play Laser Tag with me and his friends.
Also, that I find that Chester Cheetah poster a little sad now since I am a parent, teacher, and geek (?). Did you notice the STAR WARS/CHESTER CHEETAH game on the website?????? Wow. Yoda tells Chester that he must destroy the DEF Star. Wow.

Ghosted by The Manimal @ 07/11/2005 12:04 PM EDT

I can’t read the damn article, I keep getting "Song’d". Grrrrrrr…adddsssss.

Ghosted by Jeremy @ 07/11/2005 12:08 PM EDT

Oh man, the controller wires just cracked me up. It was sooo true. Me and my brother would sit – oh, roughly 3 feet away from the TV, playing our Sears rip off of Atari, and here comes mom, carrying laundry or something and boom! Atari came crashing down from the glass shelf and controllers went flying. "Aww, Mom!" would be heard simultaneously. So sad…

I had a Pogo Ball (I can’t bring myself to only use one L!) too, but didn’t use it much. I remember that you practically had to break your ankle to get on the damn thing.

Ghosted by Ryane @ 07/11/2005 12:08 PM EDT

O, mist filled pits,
Dark, dank, unclear,
Touch all ‘fore me
With frost-fingered fear!

I still have Cravex and Arzon. Arzon because his Power Staff could summon Knowledge. (A whim, a thought, and more is sought. Awake, my mind. Thy Will be wrought!) Cravex becuse Chris Latta voiced him. (Oh, how it pains me to do this, Megatron.) I also have the Decepticon Pretender SkullGrin. When I bought him, Ma said he looked like something out of the Book of Revelation. The robot designs were more like failed ideas from the Clones subgroup. I got AutoBot Pincer later (I like scorpions) and he was a even bigger disappointment, robot-wise, than Skully. Great big shell, itty-bitty robot.

Wasn’t Photon riding on the fame of it’s "pay a buttload of money to run around a dark room trying to snipe your friends" origins? Any one ever watch the "Photon" TV show? Live actors Chroma-key’d over miniature sets.

"Fudged-up their cookies?" Was Chef writing ad copy for them back then?

Ghosted by kingklash's totem animal is Yogi Bear @ 07/11/2005 12:11 PM EDT

I’ve done an article on the Photon TV show. It was…interesting.

I’ve only played at one official Photon arena, once in my life — the old, giant, beautiful one in Wildwood, NJ. (starwenn, ya here?) It was amazing — with all the planks and tunnels and fog machines, the works. Even after it closed, the building remained up for several years complete with the giant "Photon" logo painted on the sign. I believe it’s gone now, sniff.

Ghosted by Matt @ 07/11/2005 12:19 PM EDT

I was actually pretty good with the pogo ball, I couldn’t do any tricks or anything but I could stay on it and hop about all over the place. But one time it popped on me while I was using it, and I fell really hard and broke my wrist.

THe someobdy tripping over the nintendo thing happened to me when I was on the last state in Rampage. Even though Rampage was an easy game it took like 3 or 4 hours of pretty much almost exactly the same stage to beat.

Does anybody remember these fruit snacks where there were peices that were halfs of a whistle and you could put the peices to gether and have a semi-working whistle?

Ghosted by BrightNoah @ 07/11/2005 12:27 PM EDT

Matt, after Castle Dracula burnt down, they pretty much tore down the everything on the pier, including the Photon sign. I was always amazed at how long it stayed up, even after the arena closed down. They at least kept that giant rotating sign that spinned around, advertising Castle Dracula. Only now, it advertises Burger King or something. Sad.

Ghosted by Y2JB78 @ 07/11/2005 12:36 PM EDT

Y2J — Not sure how long you’ve been going there, but do you remember the GIANT Castle Dracula sign that lingered on the corner of the boardwalk near the Ferris Wheel?

"MORE GHOULISH THAN EVER!" It had a bootleg Cryptkeeper. I loved that sign to death. It was the first of my fave Wildwood things to go, sadly.

Ghosted by Matt @ 07/11/2005 12:44 PM EDT

Anyone remember centurions and How amazingly amazing and cool they were? Oh, toys had character back then…

Ghosted by Centurion EXTREME @ 07/11/2005 12:49 PM EDT

Holy cow this article brings back to some memories…thank you so much.

The Fridge action figure! I sent off for that…omg it was so exciting waitign for that thing in the mail. I loved that damn figure. Unfortunately his last adventure was down my toilet.

I had a ton of Battle Beasts too. Those were cool little toys. Thanks again.

Ghosted by Maxx @ 07/11/2005 1:23 PM EDT

I don’t know if this is an urban legend or not, but I heard that when Chester Cheeto first came out, he had a voice remarkably like Tom Waits. So much so that Tom Waits sued (and won) to get them to stop using it.

Ghosted by Shake @ 07/11/2005 1:43 PM EDT

That photon show was absolutely bizzare. Supposedly, you could shoot at targets during the show and it would register somehow. I had Lazer Tag, so I never bothered to try it.

Ghosted by klatubaradanikto @ 07/11/2005 1:45 PM EDT

I totally have that formula one racer from the jell-o pop ad! Legos and Jell-o Pops rock!

Ghosted by Amber @ 07/11/2005 1:49 PM EDT

There really was a US Videogame team. They made a crappy direct-to-video VHS about how to play nintendo games

Ghosted by Pigeon @ 07/11/2005 1:53 PM EDT

Carri, this just screamed out at me, was it intentional? "I had a regular pogo stick and was jealous of the balls."

I wonder if Ms. (?) Gary Morin still lives at 631 Shawsheen St.; Tewksbury, MA 01876? If so, I wonder if Ms. Gary remembers reading that He-Man mag. Wellp, only one way to find out . . .

Ghosted by Pedro @ 07/11/2005 2:13 PM EDT

do any one know if mike tyson punch out is on sp

Ghosted by erick @ 07/11/2005 2:26 PM EDT

So WWE ice cream bars are made today? I NEED one with Muhammed Hassan’s fugly mug emblazened across the delicious treat…

Ghosted by Bifflog @ 07/11/2005 2:28 PM EDT

To back up Pigeon and Phunq, and lead some readers to an enjoyable, if possibly offensive NES page, check out Seanbaby.com for all your US Video Game team needs.

Matching Jumpsuits included.

Not recommended for At Work viewing.

Ghosted by Knegative @ 07/11/2005 2:39 PM EDT

I must be the only one who had any Pogo Bal skillz around. Never popped on me either. I could do a trick where I’d spin the Pogo Bal, then jump on it and keep Bal’in. I didn’t get a chance to try it out on our trampoline tho.

Time to go through the old magazines and VHS tapes and try to find any 80s gems…

Ghosted by germ78 @ 07/11/2005 2:55 PM EDT

Kokomo is on the radio right now! Ack!

Ghosted by kingklash @ 07/11/2005 2:59 PM EDT

I freakin ruled at Pogo Ball. We used them in tandem on the trampoline. Extra air. A few broken ankles was a small price to pay for the fun.

Ghosted by meats @ 07/11/2005 3:30 PM EDT

Man, I loved my Pogo Ball, never did any "wicked" tricks, but it was great to pound around on. Didn’t like it as much as my swing racer, though. Anybody else remember that one?

Ghosted by Joe @ 07/11/2005 3:40 PM EDT

Looks like we should get a Pogo Bal article next. Anyone second that notion?

Ghosted by Kennef @ 07/11/2005 3:58 PM EDT

Ooh, what a great article. That’s the kind of stuff that made me like XE in the first place.

Four stars!

Ghosted by JOss @ 07/11/2005 3:58 PM EDT

I’m not really sure if people look this far down, but I’ll give it a try. Loved the ads dude. Good times. I’m holding a vote on my website as to which NES Wrestling game was the best. Check it out. Star man will be there :)

Ghosted by Czar Matthew @ 07/11/2005 4:35 PM EDT

Oh,god I miss the Photons. And that amazingly stupid Pogo Bal. Excellent article,Matt. I hope we get more of those ads.

Ghosted by St205 @ 07/11/2005 4:46 PM EDT

We need to combine this http://tinyurl.com/doluk and this http://tinyurl.com/bvobv together. I know there are enough geeks here to love it.

Ghosted by RAS @ 07/11/2005 4:51 PM EDT

Joe – I had a Sit n’ Skate roller racer, is that the same as a swing racer? That thing rocked. It was like the bastard love child of a skateboard and a krazy kar.

I’m seconding the Pogo-Bal article motion.

And for the record I think Pogo-Baling on the trampoline is cheating. It’d bounce on that when it would otherwise scuff the foot platform on a sidewalk. That was the real challenge of the Pogo-Bal – bouncing without scuffing the platform when you landed because that’s what caused us all to fall and permanently scar ourselves.

Ghosted by Carri @ 07/11/2005 4:56 PM EDT

Fuck, those wrestling bars look good, and sadly, I haven’t heard about them until I read the article.

On another note…don’t know if it’s Hasbro, but some company is bringing back the Battle Beasts things. Or something similar. In anyway, it still has the Rock, Paper, Scissors element, and it seemed like it might be a big hit, although I don’t know how much kids play with toys nowadays. Damn McDonalds and their fattening foods.

Ghosted by The Cause @ 07/11/2005 4:57 PM EDT

klatubaradanikto, I think you mean Captain Power: http://www.captainpower.com/

Ghosted by Hellion @ 07/11/2005 5:11 PM EDT

pogo bal article would make for a great video demonstration. . .

Ghosted by kb @ 07/11/2005 5:55 PM EDT

I remember "Visionairies", cool figures but bad concept.

I think Hasbro wanted to make them a sort "human transformers" but they could only transform in the cartoon, the toys themselves couldent change shape and the kids didnt like that.

Transformers Pretenders: man I remember Transformers going downhill fast after that idea!.

Anyone remember "Transformers action masters?…anyone actually WANT to remember action masters?…

And Battle beasts, I loved the designs of these little guys but I never collected them, most of my money went to Transformers.

To "The Yeti"

I think the action figures you remember were called infacables, I think they were somehow linked to the Blackstar toys but I’m not sure.

Thanks Matt for this awsome website!.

Ghosted by Plumpdragon @ 07/11/2005 7:59 PM EDT

Thanks a bunch, Plumpdragon.

On another note, I myself experienced an unfortunate "video-game-cord" incident with my Playstation during college. I was playing a tag-team marathon of "Tenchu" with a Chinese friend of mine who barely spoke any English. We were tearing ass through the game — nearly to the end — when my roommate at the time waltzed through the room, tripped over the controller wire, and sent my precious PS careening toward the uncarpeted floor. The machine didn’t break, but it did become unplugged from the wall and our game was killed on the spot. I was mad, but my Chinese friend was FURIOUS! He rose to his feet and started ineptly blurting out curse words like Samir in "Office Space". He ended up saying something like "You fuckered bitch-fuck!" It was one of the funniest displays of misplaced anger I’ve ever seen.

Ghosted by The Yeti @ 07/11/2005 8:16 PM EDT

I remember Battle beasts…brings back a memory of my neighbours "fun room" (sounds dodjy doesnt it :D )….he was a couple years older than me and had a full set of battle beasts…until i nicked one off him mwahaha…I think it ended up in my giant tub o’ lego alongside various kinder surprise smurfs and 50c TMNT plastic figures. Damn i miss that tub.

Ghosted by Mike NZ @ 07/11/2005 8:35 PM EDT

Yes, Matt, I am here. I vaguely remember the Photon arena in Wildwood; my mother wasn’t crazy about the fad, so we never went in, and yes, it’s long gone. From the description you gave, I sure as hell wish we did now. Sounds like a completely awesome and, if nothing else, atmospheric place to waste a summer afternoon.

My sisters read comics and we all read kids’ magazines during the late 80s and early 90s and were quite familiar with the elaborate full-page ads, many of which I still recall today. Of the ads mentioned in the article, I remember the one for Striped Chips Ahoy best. No, I could never get the flip book to work, either, and no, I didn’t think they were as good as originals.

We were also big on Jello’s heavenly gelatin and pudding pops. Oh, the summer afternoons spent sitting on the back porch under the willow tree, sucking on Gelatin Pops and hoping Dad would get off the TV in time for tonight’s "You Can’t Do That On Television" episode. I don’t remember the lavender ones being better or worse than the others…

Unlike most kids, I was never a big fan of fruit snacks. I ate them during my childhood because my sisters and friends did, but they always seemed to pick the least opportune time to get stuck between my teeth, like when I had to give a speech or something. The Sunkist Fruit Snacks commercial with the tree and the raining snacks were classic, though.

I think we did have a Pogo Bal, though like the rest of you, I could never figure the damn thing out. I, too, was scared to death of ending up flat on my back and hearing about it for days from my sisters and their buddies.

Ghosted by starwenn @ 07/11/2005 9:33 PM EDT

Your welcome The Yeti.

Here are 2 links on "Infaceables"(I spelled it wrong on the earlyer post)

http://www.virtualtoychest.com/infaceables/infaceables.html

And an dutch ad that brings back memories (I live in the netherlands)and Blackstar and Infaceables were marketed as one toyline over here.

http://www.barbiemuseum.nl/images/items/actionfigures/Ablackstar.jpg

Ghosted by Plumpdragon @ 07/11/2005 9:51 PM EDT

HOLY JESUS! Thanks so much for the links, Plumpdragon! Those figures are EXACTLY what I was talking about (that "Attack Tank" looks like the most dangerous toy ever). My brother owned Iron Lion when we were younger, but I haven’t seen it or any of the other figures in years. Thanks again for the violent shove down memory lane! You rock!

Ghosted by The Yeti @ 07/11/2005 9:59 PM EDT

Seriously, great article Matt. I remember reading magazines on the can over and over and staring at some of those very ads. Keep it up with more of these.

Ghosted by Bryan @ 07/11/2005 10:18 PM EDT

Finally. WWF Superstars that even The Mouth-of-the-South can lick.

Took me so long to catch the play on words there. I can’t even begin to describe how weird that sounded at first.

And here’s the flipbook in gif-form:
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y32/theimageofmyownbreast/cookie.gif

Ghosted by RewolfJ @ 07/11/2005 11:04 PM EDT

HBO special: click here

Ghosted by ClOlD @ 07/12/2005 12:13 PM EDT

Ugh. That HBO special sounds damn cool, but there’s no way I’m going to spend $100 on that. I’ve already got to figure out how to bend my meager earnings to afford the $350 cost for this years’ convention exclusive Transformers.

Ghosted by DarkPrimus @ 07/12/2005 1:51 AM EDT

" They featured the Pogo Bal and showed how good the kids in the commercial were at hopping and doing stunts, then they would show real life footage of kids using the Pogo Bal and they could hop no more than two or three times before stumbling. "
-I thought the special looked interesting but that comment made me wonder "What if it was a guitar?"
I couldn’t do Pogoball when I was 6 (I had a small one) but when I was in high school, I found my sister’s big one and mastered it in a couple days. Couldn’t do any tricks though.

Ghosted by springsprite @ 07/12/2005 3:56 AM EDT

I can’t believe nobody has mentioned Tuba Ruba. It was a tube made out of several small tubes you snapped together that you wrapped around your body from top to bottom–including around your neck or arms et cetera ; a marble is placed at the top and you girate your body so that the marble moves through the tube system and down to the bottom. Great Fun.

Ghosted by superwarrior @ 07/12/2005 6:33 AM EDT

I always like it when Matt gives us "a nice, long one" :)

Ghosted by Traynor @ 07/12/2005 10:36 AM EDT

I, uh, actually have two ActionMasters. Jazz and Rollout. What they should have done, is make ‘em into Spike, Daniel, and other humans, that would have made more sense with the "partners."
Wow, we hear from a member of WWOEC. While looking up info on Arcee once, my web-wanderings led me to a SD-style drawing of her on WWOEC. I then took a look around, and found some rather "interesting" artwork there. Including Plumpdragon’s. Not for the faint of heart, weak of bladder, or senseless of humor.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 07/12/2005 11:57 AM EDT

Add A New Comment!


This entry was posted on Sunday, July 10th, 2005 at 6:19 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.