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07/10/2005: Mildly Interesting ’80s Print Ads!

Grab your drink, grab your junk, grab a chair and relax — this is a nice, long one for ya. A bunch of the greatest print ads of the `80s, pulled from children’s mags ranging in topic from He-Man to Andre the Giant. Over a dozen trips back in time, with ads covering WWF Ice Cream Bars, Photon, Battle Beasts and more. Some really fun stuff chucked in there; if it’s received well, I may do a second chapter next week. Look, you’re going to see Jimmy Hart’s life-sized face if you read this. Do it.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 182 comments

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We used to cut out and make those stupid Chips Ahoy flip books, never got them to work right though. I always felt cheated by that.

Ghosted by Grey Weirdo @ 07/10/2005 6:24 PM EDT

I’m sorry Camerica but you must’ve made up the U.S. Video Game Team. The "team" was probably comprised of Camerica employees. That company’s name is synonymous crap. All the video games they made were junk. I can’t believe Thor Ackerlund (1990 Nintendo World Champion) whored his image for this company. I guess being Nintendo world champion doesn’t necessarily make you smart…I loved gelatin pops and i know what you mean about the lavender ones ::shivers::. Fun Fruits were a lunchtime and after school staple for me. Last but not least that picture of Jimmy Hart just freaks me out but it still reminds me of Sunday mornings watching WWF and seeing that loudmouth bastard screaming into his bullhorn. Ahhhhhh memories…

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 07/10/2005 6:56 PM EDT

I’d have to say TF, for me anyway didn’t take too big of a dive after TF: The Movie. Rodimus Prime is still my fav TF figure. And let’s face it, when viewed with episodes following the movie, Rodimus stands as a pretty obvious example of leaders who try, but fall flat on their face. I can relate

TFs sitting on my shelf: Rodimus, Hot Rod, and Blaster. Kinda obvious, huh?

Ghosted by Knegative @ 07/10/2005 7:16 PM EDT

I remember the WWF Bars. Good stuff, kinda surprised they still make ‘em.

Ghosted by Larry @ 07/10/2005 7:57 PM EDT

Awesome, a battle beast picture worthy of being my desktop background!

Hey Matt, how about bringing back the real message board that you used to have?

Ghosted by SuperRecoome @ 07/10/2005 8:02 PM EDT

Battle Beasts, oh how I miss you.

I, too, never mastered the Pogo Bal. I don’t remember having my own, and not too many kids let me barrow theirs because I was the "fat" kid, and they we’re afraid I’d pop it.

Dang, just realized I’m still the fat kid.

Ghosted by Mad Cow @ 07/10/2005 8:06 PM EDT

Never noticed that it was "wicked cool to Pogo Bal." Hhhha…so cool.

Ghosted by Mad Cow @ 07/10/2005 8:13 PM EDT

Wow, that I wished that article was 10 times as long. I just don’t get tired of that kind of stuff.

Ghosted by Carri @ 07/10/2005 9:02 PM EDT

I totally LOVED the Pogo Bal(l). I always wanted to do that fancy jump they did on the commercial where they pulled their legs up behind them. I always was too scared I’d end up on my face.
I really miss Fruit Wrinkles and Fun Fruits as well. I too swallowed them whole, pretending I was taking my parents "grown up" vitamins as opposed to the Amway kid’s ones I got instead.

Ghosted by kb @ 07/10/2005 9:12 PM EDT

oh, battle beasts literaly had invaded, controled and finally ruled my room. There was more wood, water, fire and earth there than in any oldfashioned still standing rainforest.

BTW: Do you have and Pepsi fruity carbonated soda there?
Here in Spain we have Kas, which could be translated to "Fanta Competitors"…
Well they just released Batman Blast Grape Flavoured Kas! It’s purple and it rocks anyones socks!!!

Ghosted by melonian @ 07/10/2005 9:15 PM EDT

I had one Visionaries figure as a youngster: it was a chap clad in maroon armor and I believe that his "power animal" was a gorilla or something. Without his helmet, he looked astonishingly like Sean Connery. Freaky. When I saw that ad, I suddenly remembered another weird line of animal-related action-figure warriors: they were figures with rubber faces, and when you’d twist their waist or something their faces would take on the appearance of some kind of animal. Sadly, I can’t remember the name of the line. A little help? Anybody…?

Ghosted by The Yeti @ 07/10/2005 9:21 PM EDT

Now all I can think about is how much I miss Cheetos Paws. Used to eat them all the time, and haven’t thought about them in years… and now all I want is for them to come back. Curses.

Ghosted by Frostor @ 07/10/2005 9:24 PM EDT

I seem to remember coming across (on some random website) Battle Beasts released only in Japan that had crystal balls in their chests instead of holograms; this ring a bell to any hardcore B.B. aficionados out there?

Ghosted by Commander Awesome @ 07/10/2005 9:24 PM EDT

Ah, the lost art of the full-page ad… they seem so crowded or vague these days. Definitly, the 80s were the best age for the full-page ad in kids’ mags (with a small nod to the 70s). What I remember most is those cheesy Hostess Fruit Pies ads that circulated in Harvey and Marvel comics.
I always liked how those specialty mags had all sorts of filler added to them to make them seem like legit rags. I wonder how many journalism students got roped into doing the filler. I seem to remember an article for the fourth Superman movie in the He-Man mag.

Ghosted by AlphaCentaurian @ 07/10/2005 9:43 PM EDT

Oh, yeah… I forgot to add:

The Muppet mag ruled
(even though they didn’t print my invention in the Professor Bunsen Honeydew page)

Ghosted by AlphaCentaurian @ 07/10/2005 9:45 PM EDT

Thanks for this little trip down memory lane. Sadly, I don’t remember the Visionaries. It’s too bad – they look totally badass.

Ghosted by Jeff Mack @ 07/10/2005 10:04 PM EDT

Anybody remember an HBO special aimed at kids that aired many many years ago that showed how deceptive toy commercials were. They featured the Pogo Bal and showed how good the kids in the commercial were at hopping and doing stunts, then they would show real life footage of kids using the Pogo Bal and they could hop no more than two or three times before stumbling.

Also, I remember the Guess Who? game was featured on there too with the infamous talking cards in the commercial.

Anyhoo, I hated that special. Damn killjoys.

Ghosted by Luap @ 07/10/2005 10:22 PM EDT

I have a theory that cookies and vanilla ice cream seem to always taste good together, but it’s not a theory since it’s true. Unless they taste bad on their own already, you’re going to have good eatin’.

I remember the Pogo Bal/Pogo Ball (or a rip-off). I tried it a few times, but never did anything crazy which is disappointing to me now. I was really clumsy then and I still am today, but I usually jump up, click my heels together, and come down on unstable surfaces to see if I can do it. To accomplish that feat on the Pogo Ball would have made me the pimp of the schoolyard for at least five minutes.

Ghosted by Dr. Acula @ 07/10/2005 10:25 PM EDT

I couldn’t Pogo Bal to save my life back then. In fact, I still wouldn’t be able to.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 07/10/2005 10:35 PM EDT

I had a WWF popsicle once,but it didn’t seem to taste that good to me. Maybe becuase of the cookie/wafer part being in a freezer for awhile.

I liked the post-movie Transformers episodes and toys,probably becuase it took place in the future by then. I always liked the futuristic-looking Transformers,especially Rodimus Prime,who I never had until I got the re-issue for Christmas last year.

I remember that HBO special too Luap,especially the part where they revealed these small G.I. Joe helicopters had motors in them for a commercial,but the toys really didn’t have them,so they could have the blades going real fast.

Ghosted by Overlord @ 07/10/2005 10:43 PM EDT

The post-movie eps are also my favorite, but as far as public consumption went, they weren’t nearly as successful. The pre-movie run was happily simplistic, with clear lines drawn and characters that didn’t get lost in the shuffle. The post-movie eps were often…insane. I love ‘em tho.

Ghosted by Matt @ 07/10/2005 10:45 PM EDT

Never had a Pogo Bal, but I also could never master one at friends’ houses. Too much tilting action.
I was a big fan of the Jell-o Gelatin Pops, but I don’t remember disliking any of the flavors. I think I actually got that Lego car too.
You’re right – the Stripped Chips Ahoy! were not as crunch-tastic as they could have been.

Can’t wait for the new Kool-Aid flavor review. I was gonna buy some crazy Spanish-language flavors at the grocery store tonight (including one called "Jamacia"), but there was a creepy, smelly old guy browsing through them taking a really long time and I didn’t feel like waiting for him.

Ghosted by Gozer @ 07/10/2005 10:55 PM EDT

"Check out how Chips Ahoy fudged up their cookies."

That’s how they were selling those things? Good thing I didn’t read that or I wouldn’t have consumed roughly 8,000 of them…

Ghosted by Cyclone @ 07/10/2005 11:05 PM EDT

Ha ha! That was a good one. I love it when XE breaks it down with the old ads.
BTW, I have a ton of old ARCHIE digests in my garage. This may sound hard to believe but they were all the rage in 4th grade. The teachers had a love/hate relationship because they interfered with instruction BUT we WERE reading. I checked and I have that ad for FRUIT SLUSH.
Now here is the EXCITING NEWS for those who are interested (Matt???): I also found one that has Archie and Co. doing a
Capri-Sun ad, Sugar Bear, Coco Pebbles, TMNT NES game ad, Mr. Bubble, Captain Planet, NES ads for MAPPY, HYDLIDE, and CASTLEVANIA. Not too mention ads for Archie fan club which (sigh again), I was a literal card caring member. The picture of me with my Archie button at Disney World circa 1989 still is a total treat. I will post some of the pics of the ads if you guys want me to….

Ghosted by The Manimal @ 07/10/2005 11:10 PM EDT

Oh, I completely forgot about the FruitSlush! It’s been years since I’ve had one, and now I can remember them fondly. I’m pretty sure I can still taste the cherry ones. Those were the best- my favorite! Now I’m sad…

Frostor, I know exactly how you feel… just substitute "FruitSlush" for "Cheetos Paws" and it’s the same. Those used to be delicious, too.

Ghosted by Rainbowfeet @ 07/10/2005 11:14 PM EDT

Forgot to add: ALPHACENTAURIAN, I also still have 1 or 2 MUPPET mags from 1984 but the RETURN OF THE JEDI issue is sadly not one of them.
I added GARBAGE PAIL KIDS the movie to the Netflix list. I will have to make sure Mrs. Manimal and E. Claire have prior engagements that day lest they be corrupted.

Ghosted by The Manimal @ 07/10/2005 11:21 PM EDT

My biggest fruit snack memory from the ’80s is when the white shark was introduced to (I think) Shark Bites. Oh man – that was the defining moment of the Fruit Snack Age.

On another fruit-related note, I recently read the Ecto Cooler mystery article in the X-E archives. After buying some Shoutin’ Orange Tangergreen Hi-C today, my recepit also showed the words "Ecto Cool". Can’t wait to try it tomorrow.

Ghosted by Gozer @ 07/10/2005 11:38 PM EDT

That article took me back a bit (some products I don’t remember though…never friggin’ heard of photon, nor did I know there was a garbage pail kids movie until last year)

but this site usually has a tendency to make one nostalgic, god job matt…

I got a question for you all though…back when I was a little kid in the 80’s…I had a few of these toys that were skeletons of dinosaurs, but you could form them into giant weapons like catapults and other vehicles…and there were little cavemen figures that piloted them…I think they were called "bone wars" or some shit…

anyways…if you remember them…don’t you think it’d be pimp as hell if they had come back?

Ghosted by Kenny/RiotEXE @ 07/11/2005 12:23 PM EDT

Frostor: YES! Cheetos Paws! Man I loved those things. But I thought they still made them

I remember they made a Chester Cheeta Sega Genesis/Megadrive game. I rented it one of those times I was too sick to go to the video store but I wanted a game REAL BAD, so like the little, spoiled brat I was (and still am, by some accounts), I got my mom to rent a game for me.

That was usually a mistake unless I gave her strict instructions about what to look for and what to avoid. I don’t remember much about the game, except I don’t remember being too satisfied. But my mom got it for me so I didn’t complain.

Manimal: HYLIDE! Oh God, what a shitty game…

I remember renting Hylide from a video store my babysitter was working for at the time. I was so psyched about playing a new RPG, I pored over the instruction booklet countless times, looking at and familiarizing myself with all the items (you see, that night my sisters and I had to spend the night at her house for some reason… I didn’t mind cause I’d always had kind of a crush on her).

Well when I finally got the game home, I was shocked: the damn thing had ONE background musical theme that played over and over again, you "fought" enemies by walking into them and hoping you didn’t die, and you could beat the thing in 20 damn minutes if you knew what you were doing. I tried to play it but I was too disgusted.

I don’t think I ever gave it back. The video rental store went out of business and somewhere, in the back of one of my closets, is that shitty game.

I always feel bad when I think about that cause I know her pay was docked. That must be why she married that other guy instead of waiting for me!

O_o

Ghosted by Night_Trekker @ 07/11/2005 12:32 PM EDT

Gaming’s been a big part of my life, can you tell? :/

Ghosted by Night_Trekker @ 07/11/2005 12:33 PM EDT

I see a consensus building that Pogo-Balls were impossible. My brother and sister had them and no one could make them work.

I had a regular pogo stick and was jealous of the balls. But eventually I won the pogo popularity war just because I had a toy that actually worked.

Ghosted by Carri @ 07/11/2005 12:39 PM EDT

CRUNCH! (Cheetos: Official Food of Britney Spears)

Everyone at my elementary school had a Pogo Ball…they were banned though…too many PB related injuries.

Ghosted by The Cheese that goooooooooes... @ 07/11/2005 12:40 PM EDT

I remember that HBO special about commercials deceiving little kids, and I know my Dad still has it on VHS somewhere, he never throws anything away. What was the name of it? Anyone remember? I will look for it next time I’m there…

Ghosted by Jalbrzikowski @ 07/11/2005 12:43 PM EDT

My parents would never buy me toys like Photon or Pogo Bal, but they were always high on my wish lists as a kid. *sigh* And I really miss Striped Chips Ahoy and Cheetos Paws. Funny how one forgets about those childhood loves and desires until surfing X-E!

Ghosted by Kieran Alexis @ 07/11/2005 12:46 PM EDT

Anyone remember Zap-it guns? I think they were from the same year as Pogo Ball but there doesn’t seem to be much info online.

Ghosted by Carri @ 07/11/2005 1:05 AM EDT

Did anyone ever notice that after awhile the Bal part of the Pogo Bal would either get really lopsided or after it took about a month of wear and tear it would pop right through the disc where your feet go? Then the illusion was ruined. The ball looked like it was just squished in the disc, but really it was shaped that way and had this little groove that would keep it in the disc. For awhile at least. I never mastered that stupid thing either, but it used to give me really bad blisters on the insides of my feet.

Ghosted by domico @ 07/11/2005 1:10 AM EDT

I found a pogo ball in a goodwill a few weeks ago and was hopping all around the store until I got kicked out. I wonder if they still have it. mmmmm. fruit wrinkles

Ghosted by Lego Larry @ 07/11/2005 1:19 AM EDT

Definitely one of the best articles you’ve ever written, Matt.

My mom actually had an allergic reaction to Paws-shaped Cheetos. We had to call an ambulance and everything. Strange thing is, she could eat regular Cheetos just fine. Maybe the Paws ones had a super-secret diabolical ingrediant or something?

Ghosted by Dean @ 07/11/2005 2:05 AM EDT

Jimmy Hart’s face/beard = mucho hits.

Ghosted by Review the World @ 07/11/2005 2:10 AM EDT

Currently sipping Lemon-Lime Kool-Aid.

Digging it.

Realizing my life is one of controversy.

On a related note, Ep. II rocks my socks

Also recommended: Life As a House. Primo Hayden action.

Ghosted by Knegative @ 07/11/2005 2:19 AM EDT

What struck a chord for me was Matt’s comment on Nintento controller wires getting tripped on. Super Mario Bros. 3 was the biggest culprit here because (since using the whistles to pass the game was a cardinal sin amongst my friends) it was a game that literally took HOURS to even make a dent in. So of course, there I am on the air ship in Pipe Land just about to beat that Beethoven Koopa, when of course that’s when my cousin has to take a piss. Gets up, tangles up with the wires, pulls the whole thing off the TV, goodbye Ludwig Von Koopa. It was utterly traumatizing and it always makes you not want to play again for so long cause now you gotta go through the worlds ALL over again, not cause you lost, but because of your clumsy ass cousin.

Fucking Super Mario Bros 3

Ghosted by johny p @ 07/11/2005 2:20 AM EDT

My neighbor had a pogo bal. I never saw her use it much. I think it sat in her garage. I loved those wrinkly fruit snacks. I use to swallow them too Matt. I think almost everybody did.

Gozer I remember the white shark in shark bites and the pegasus in the berry bears fruit snacks too.

How I wish I could have some Paws cheetos.

Ghosted by pikachulover @ 07/11/2005 2:51 AM EDT

Gozer I remember the white shark in shark bites and the pegasus in the berry bears fruit snacks too.

Heh, segregated fruit snacks. Only one company tried it–the sharks were clearly for boys ("Eat them…before THEY eat YOU!") and the bears were clearly for girls, what with "Flight, the Magic Horse!" and all. That was his name, I remember it clearly.

Ghosted by Mars @ 07/11/2005 3:15 AM EDT

You said fucking a fucking lot of times.

Ghosted by Connor S @ 07/11/2005 3:15 AM EDT

With leftover "Fruitslush Mush" Archie ads dancing through my brain from elementary school, no friggen wonder I was so confused as to what I was supposed to do at our Middle School dances. Oh, that and the movie "Can’t Buy Me Love" where Patrick Dempsey learns how to get jiggy…

Ghosted by Yodafunk @ 07/11/2005 3:51 AM EDT

2 Things:

1) I wish I had a Freedom Stick. To this day I remember my worst grounding, which came from my mom tripping over my NES cable, popping out the cart of Faxandu, killing hours of playing without a save, only to spy on the neighbors through the window.

I called her a fucking bitch at the top of my lungs. I’d do it again.

2) I want WWF Pops. Where are they in NYC?

Ghosted by Dai Shan @ 07/11/2005 4:19 AM EDT

Dai Shan, that is an awesome story. Do you remember the duration?

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 07/11/2005 4:34 AM EDT

Commander Awesome: What you’re thinking of are the "Laser Beasts," in which the gimmick was to hold them up to the light so they’d show off their alignments through their tummy transparencies. Some lucky Laser Beasts were gifted with "SUNBURST" alignment, which was the Battle Beasts equivalent of "Gun" or "Superman" or whatever your regional instant winner was when playing rock paper scissors.

Interestingly, the Fire/Water/Wood thing came from American marketing, and the Japanese rule was originally "Autobot beats Decepticon." Now that’s patently unfair!

Ghosted by G'Tron @ 07/11/2005 6:16 AM EDT

What? He hasn’t found the Willie Wonka snack cakes yet? (Ducks for cover)

Ghosted by Ekkostar @ 07/11/2005 6:42 AM EDT

WOW, I love it. I would adore a part II. Matt you do awesome work I look forward to your updates to break up my day at work. KUDOS MATT

Ghosted by rimmie @ 07/11/2005 7:38 AM EDT

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