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07/10/2005: Mildly Interesting ’80s Print Ads!

Grab your drink, grab your junk, grab a chair and relax — this is a nice, long one for ya. A bunch of the greatest print ads of the `80s, pulled from children’s mags ranging in topic from He-Man to Andre the Giant. Over a dozen trips back in time, with ads covering WWF Ice Cream Bars, Photon, Battle Beasts and more. Some really fun stuff chucked in there; if it’s received well, I may do a second chapter next week. Look, you’re going to see Jimmy Hart’s life-sized face if you read this. Do it.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 181 comments

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It seems the topic tonight is about inequalities and Pac-man. I memorize a similar analogy with a gator (or croc) eating the bigger number, but I soon had to loath this analogy when I got to high school. It seems that my algebra teacher didn’t like that analogy or the fact that we started getting to the negative numbers.

Ghosted by Beta-Theta @ 07/13/2005 9:48 PM EDT

I have an original Fortress Maximus. I had dreams of offering it to Matt years ago, with lofty ambitions of letting him have it for below original retail if he’d throw in a peanut.

It was a nice dream.

Ghosted by Knegative @ 07/13/2005 10:44 PM EDT

I don’t think visionaries was ever on tv in Australia and I can’t remember the toys so I looked into it and found this rather comprehensive website dediceted to them.
http://www.hannagram.com/visionaries/

Ghosted by evan @ 07/13/2005 11:39 PM EDT

I hated Pogo-Bal… At recess, that’s all we ever had to play with, and they were always lumpy and deflated. Bleh.

Shark Bites! I remember the "Great White" ones…there was also a kind of fruit snack shaped like fighter jets…and my personal favorite, Soda-licious.

On the Jell-o Gelatin Pops…judging from the fruit offerings from the packaging, I am going to guess that the lavender flavor is raspberry. I hate raspberry- it tastes like Burlington Coat Factory.

Ghosted by kickle cubicle @ 07/14/2005 1:12 AM EDT

^^^I work at Burlington Coat Factory, it gives even the Raspberry Jell-O pop a good flavor. Pity Me…

Ghosted by superwarrior @ 07/14/2005 4:40 AM EDT

You said Battle Beasts are expensive now? I went around and bought all my friends battle beasts for like 6 dollars after they thought they weren’t cool anymore. So my box of like 500 assorted battle beasts is worth something? Awesome.

P.S. Some of them are missing arms. The true curse of the battle beast design.

Ghosted by Simon @ 07/14/2005 6:56 PM EDT

I have some things to clear up about the Transformers Pretenders toys. First of all, they were not a pathetic attempt by Hasbro to keep the TF line alive. Hasbro never really even made the toys. Takara over in Japan did (and they’re so undercredited for the fact that they essentially created the TFs and continue to design them for Hasbro. All Hasbro has rteally ever done is manufacture and market them here in North america). The pretenders were far more popular there in Japan. Hell, they even had their own series about them called Transformers: Masterforce It was all about the pretenders, who were left to patrol Earth against Deceptacons who could turn into alien-looking creatures. Shows how much Matt knows. Ha!

Ghosted by Nate @ 07/15/2005 12:34 PM EDT

Oh. Somebody already mentioned it. Sorry, Bert Raccoon. You cantake all the credit. But I’m still right about the fact that the Japanese folks who brought us the TFs (it was even the Japanese company, Toei, who handled all the animation for the old TF series even though the character designs and story line were American). I’m a huge anime lover, and it always pains me to see a TF fan who hates anime. Those bloody hypocrits!! Yeah, I’m talkin to all yall!!!!!!!!!

OK, so I’m being a bastard here. Is that anything new?

Ghosted by Nate @ 07/15/2005 12:39 PM EDT

Ooops. Incomplete sentence. insert "are so undercredited." at the end of that sentence about the Japanese and with all the comma-spiel about their TF contributions. Bye.

Ghosted by Nate @ 07/15/2005 12:42 PM EDT

Wow that brought back good memories

Ghosted by Mercenary @ 07/15/2005 1:26 AM EDT

hey gozer, if you are still here- jamaica is spanish for hibiscus! one man’s decorative landscaping flower is another man’s tasty sugar drink i guess…

Ghosted by Stormy @ 07/15/2005 10:29 PM EDT

One of the big toys my parents bought my sister and I was the Photon set. We each had a helmet and the gun deal. She wasn’t much into it, so I’d usually play by myself. We also got the three VHS tapes of missions you could go on that were different from the TV show. You were flying around and there would be a cartoon ship going by you with a flashing white light on it’s bottom. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to shoot it or dodge it – I’d get hit at weird, random times anyway. No one would be on screen and I’d take a hit.

Also, I remember one of the tapes dealt with the Seers Tower – it was this gigantic building that was in ruins and you would dog fight around it. Years later, I was in school and the teacher was talking about some of the tallest building in the world and it hit me like a bolt of lightning – the SEARS TOWER!!!

That was the day I became a genius.

Ghosted by dbruce @ 07/16/2005 4:12 AM EDT

speaking of gpk i was in target yesterday and noticed that there is a new series 4 set of cards out, i was unaware that they were still in print. mind ya being 30 i have my set of the originals from ‘85 and these hit the same concept. previous to yesterday the last time i picked some up was at a gas station in california in ‘89. gonna hit amazon now that i know the dvd is out…

Ghosted by danoslayer @ 07/16/2005 12:25 PM EDT

…and i wish that "RAD" would hit dvd…

Ghosted by danoslayer @ 07/16/2005 12:26 PM EDT

"…and i wish that "RAD" would hit dvd…"

I agree 100%. That movie rocked.

Ghosted by Matt @ 07/16/2005 1:21 PM EDT

Yeah…I had the "Fridge" GI Joe figure. And, yes, I actually called the 900 number (not as cool as Santa’s Hip Hop Holiday line of course) so I could "save" 1 whole Fridge coupon. I remember the message was lame…with the Fridge asking some army schmo to tell the good listener his combat specialty. It was "Physical Training Instructor." The listener was instructed to write "P.T.I." on their coupons, and thus they could use only 4 Fridge points instead of 5. Ahh…marketing.

Ghosted by EmperorBinky @ 07/17/2005 10:16 AM EDT

wsup yall matt is tha bomb ayt peace

Ghosted by RVD @ 07/17/2005 10:32 AM EDT

Wow i have that rhino battle beast sitting over on my window ledge with the frog one on the left of the advert, and some wierd one could be a spider but he only has one arm.

Ghosted by Gorm @ 07/17/2005 12:12 PM EDT

Nate: It is true that the majority of the toys from the first two years of G1 were just toys from Takara’s Microman and Diaclone toylines, or from other japanese toylines. In 1985, Takara introduced Transformers in Japan, sans most of the toys from other japanese companies (except Shockwave), since you can’t sell toys made by a rival manufacturer.

BUT, from 1985 onwards, Hasbro and Takara jointly developed Transformers toys for both markets. In 1987, when Hasbro cancelled the US transformers cartoon, Takara and Hasbro still developed TF toys together, but Takara began to develop TFs for their own market only.

Hasbro doesn’t merely just manufacture them and market them outside of Japan, they design them and provide Takara with concepts, ideas and requirements. It is then up to Takara to interepret these concepts into a working toy, engineer and sculpt them. It has been this way since 1985.

This relationship continues to this very day with Alternators and the new Transformers: Cybertron line.

Ghosted by Fit For Natalie @ 07/18/2005 9:30 AM EDT

Oh man, your disgusting chewed up Chips Ahoy sandwich thing brought back some memories for me that I had totally forgotten about. Remember the slogan that was "Betcha Bite A Chip?" Well, being of the competitive nature that I was, and still am today, I used to say "Oh yeah?" every time I ate one. Then I’d see how many bites I could take without eating any chip. Usually it was between 3 and 5. And no cheap tiny bites either.

Ghosted by Kate @ 07/18/2005 2:59 PM EDT

Fir for Natalie is right. That’s basically how we got the Transformers we know and love. Before, they were just nameless Diaclones and some other Japanese stuff.

Some of you guys should check out the Galaxy Force (Cybertron) line. It has one of the best incarnations of a Prime since Car Robots (Robots in Disguise) Prime.

The best part of Rad is when the guy does the faceplant off that jump. Maaaannn….I miss my GT Performer…..

Ghosted by XGalvatronX @ 07/19/2005 2:13 PM EDT

P.S. Some of the pre-Transformer bots came with little drivers, that’s why figures like the insecticons have little seats in them. they came from the Japanese line called Microman I believe….

Ghosted by XGalvatronX @ 07/19/2005 2:15 PM EDT

Damn, I forgot about the Freedom Stick. Now I need to go through my old tapes, I know I have one with a freedom stick commercial on it somewhere,

All kinds of old memories came back. I forgot about Kung Fu, great game,

Ghosted by Quid @ 07/19/2005 7:11 PM EDT

*****BEASTIE BAL*****

Man, I didnt have a pogo bal, but I had something called a beastie ball. It was from the makers of pogo bal, but it had a purple monster face instead of a round ball. I will take a picture of it when I raid my parents basement this weekend.

If anyone knows where I can find those WWF ice cream bars(or you want to buy my beastie bal) email me at thomas.holdren@gmail.com

T.J. Holdren

Ghosted by BackToTheFuture @ 07/21/2005 11:08 AM EDT

–>> ..Gee.. i wish we had frequented the market more in the 80s for toilet paper..n’ then maybe my mum wouldn’t have raided my collection of ‘Masters of the U.’ mags.. n’ i’d have Orko posters to this very day hanging on my wall instead of what’s left of my dignity and my heart.. 8*(

Ghosted by ~tOkKa @ 07/22/2005 2:26 AM EDT

My sister had the Pogo ball and i dont know how many times i’ve tried using that thing and could never figure it out. For some reason I wasnt too big into transformers, never had one. I had Ring Raiders, if anyone remembers those. They had a cartoon series for 1 or 2 seasons and had some toys.

http://www.virtualtoychest.com/ringraiders/ringraiders.html

Shows a photo of the toys

Ghosted by Zaktto @ 07/23/2005 1:34 PM EDT

Nice. I owned both that issue of WWF magazine and that issue of He-Man/MOTU magazine. I re-read those things RELENTLESSLY when I was in my single-digit years.

Ghosted by KaneRobot @ 11/17/2006 11:42 AM EST

Oh, and I found this page by doing a search on “Thor Ackerlund.” Sad but true.

Ghosted by KaneRobot @ 11/17/2006 11:44 AM EST

Anyone remember Go-Bots? They had a 2-hour cartoon movie, followed by the TV show, which was kinda cheap, but the toys were pretty cool. I don’t think they were an imitation of Transformers, since I believe they came out before them.

My favorite characters were Cy-Kill, Leader-1, and Cop-Tur. They also came out with the Super Gobots, which were much bigger (but plastic, not die cast metal) versions of the regular Gobots.

Ghosted by Andreos Lebados @ 03/16/2007 8:20 AM EST

Ok, this has been an ABSOLUTE BLAST FROM THE PAST. Fuck, man! This has been, so far, one of the most honest reviews of the 80’s kiddy stuff I’ve seen.

Most of the stuff I’ve read on other sites is written by guys who, allegedly, owned all these things some of us only dreamed of. Shit, I’m not a toy collector but there’s no fun on buying memories from e-bay just for the tacky nostalgia in it. I know that much.

It wasn’t about the stuff you own, but the stuff you WISHED you had to impress your friends. I remember this Alf comics magazine (forever lost…)Where they had announces of Captain Power shooting game. I didn’t know how that worked, but I remember the show and the graphics and all the coolness in it… and it takes me back to a bittersweet moment of life.

Thanks a million, man. I got teary-eyed and stuff.

Y.I.S.

Rev. Jakob Koshkat.

Ps. I used to do the Chips Ahoy sandwich too. Shit, I’d chew half of a soda cracker and put the gooey bit over the other half! I thought I was the only one who’d do that.

Ghosted by Rev. Jakob Koshkat @ 04/08/2007 5:02 AM EDT

@Hot Pocket I remember that phone ringer changer, and I’d love to know what the name of it was. pick it up pick it up pick it up.

Ghosted by Chad @ 11/10/2008 4:09 PM EST

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This entry was posted on Sunday, July 10th, 2005 at 6:19 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.