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07/04/2005: LodgeNet! (Bored in Atlantic City.)

Happy 4th. There’s a new article in town, detailing my experiences bored and alone in an Atlantic City hotel room with only a television pay-per-entertainment interface called “LodgeNet” to entertain me. It’s the story of bad movies, porn, video games and hotel guest surveys.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 91 comments

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First post? wow so special, whatever.
i always thought it was fun to use the lodgenet super nintendo controller to change the channel on the TV insted of the glued down remote. I can’t tell you how many times i confused the hell out of my brother doing that.

Ghosted by maticdog @ 07/04/2005 2:54 PM EDT

I knew from the main page that there’d be a picture of a quarter somewhere in this article but I never would’ve quessed where.

Ghosted by Carri @ 07/04/2005 2:55 PM EDT

Your articles are the best. doesn’t matter how crappy of a day i’m having, you always manage to make me laugh.

thanks man

Ghosted by Gene @ 07/04/2005 3:02 PM EDT

YEEHAW matt that was some humdiger of an article i sure do appricate it from this here state of texas and im happy to tell you to keep up the good work and keep an truckin

~ byebye boy
love coleslaw

Ghosted by Coleslaw @ 07/04/2005 3:48 PM EDT

Holy crap those baby ketchups are adorable.

Ghosted by Evin @ 07/04/2005 4:07 PM EDT

Sounds like a quality XE adventure. The kind that may have been forgotten in 4 years if not properly chronicled. Still, I don’t know which is worse, living the busted weekend or reading about it…
The saucy part of the article was reminiscent of the time my buddies and I were in the La Quinta Inn in Savannah for St. Patrick’s Day and SOMEBODY hit the "Order Porn" button but never confessed. "Dude, I swear I was trying to adjust the volume." Whatever pervert.

Ghosted by The Manimal @ 07/04/2005 4:16 PM EDT

My parents never let me use theese things

Ghosted by Fetus @ 07/04/2005 4:40 PM EDT

Mario Kart 64 and smash bros. are the shit. Even at $6.95 an hour….

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 07/04/2005 4:43 PM EDT

Happy 4th of July!

Still no baby…

Semper Fi,
Erik Majorwitz

Ghosted by EMajorwitz @ 07/04/2005 5:07 PM EDT

Barely legal nymphs? Latex housewives?

Like my boss needed another reason to think X-E is a porn site….:)

Ghosted by Mr mango @ 07/04/2005 5:12 PM EDT

Just shows that quality articles can still come out of the most depressing parts of life.

$7 an hour for n64? My younger brothers got an n64/2 controllers/6 games on ebay for $14 including shipping. Those Atlantic City bastards.

Ghosted by Jeff Mack @ 07/04/2005 5:32 PM EDT

As a service to you and yours, Erik, may I help in my own way? Turn your wife toward te screen…….. *ahem*

HEY! C’MON OUT!! WE’RE WAITING FOR YOU! WE GOT KOOL-AID!!! HELLO! WE’RE ALL YOUR AUNTS AND UNCLES OUT HERE!! WE GOT TOYS!! UNCLE MATT HAS OLD CANDY!! OLLY OLLY OXEN FREE!!! DON’T MAKE ME SEND YOUR DADDY IN THERE TO GET YOU!!

Either the Mini-Majorwitz will come out, or stay in another month.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 07/04/2005 5:35 PM EDT

I was in A.C. over the weekend too. Matt, you should have come over to the Marina to try and win a 2005 Mustang Convertible. Alas, 4 of the winners were women with "old lady" names (my boyfriend said they had to be old ladies), and the 5th was a guy from my town. Needless to say, no luck. My boyfriend and I awaited the last drawing by going over to Borgata to hang out in an Opus room (suite) that my boyfriend’s cousin had for the weekend. We hung out with his parents and his cousin.

"Super Smash Bros." is a great game. I have "melee" for Game Cube. I’m pretty good at it–Matt, I would challenge you to a duel. Pikachu v. Link. Or it would be more fun w/Pikachu v. Jigglypuff.

That was a strategic place for the quarter. My mom walked by and saw it, and asked what it was. She even thought that was Matt in the picture of the woman’s legs!!!!!! Oh jeez. Hope that brightens your day.

Have a great 4th everyone, and hope your workweek goes good (and fast!!). I’m seeing Jay Leno at Harrah’s on Saturday. Yea!! The week at CBS-3 will go quickly.

Have a good day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ghosted by Allison @ 07/04/2005 6:03 PM EDT

Given what my weekend’s been like, Matt, you might be happier being bored. In the last two days on the Five Mile (Wildwood) Islands, we’ve had an all-day shootout that ended with the perpetrator killing himself on the top of a garage in a residential neighborhood, a stabbing in a local nightclub, at least one more shooting that I know of, and several car accidents. Rumors are flying around the Wildwoods faster than the helicopter ride over Morey’s Piers. Yup, it’s summer at the Jersey Shore.

Matt, you might be safer with "Latex Housewives" and Pikachu.

Ghosted by starwenn @ 07/04/2005 6:13 PM EDT

Two thoughts:

1) As much as I like 32-hour workweeks thanks to holidays where stuff gets blown up for public view, I don’t like 32-hour paychecks. I think this is a good working definition of "poor".

2) I’m surprised nobody’s asked yet…but what was the total charged to your room for LodgeNet? That shit looks like it adds up FAST.

Ghosted by Monster Dog @ 07/04/2005 6:58 PM EDT

Good Stuff, Matt!!

I usually try to enjoy such services, but the last time I stayed in a hotel, I officially had the worst night of my life and 3 horrendous days. All awake, btw.
It’s hard to enjoy yourself when you’re worried about the your safety, that of others and your mental health.

The time before that, someone was shot.

I used to have great times in hotels, I swear. It’s just been a bad run. :O

Ghosted by Knegative @ 07/04/2005 7:12 PM EDT

$7.00 US to play Super Smash Bros. Melee for one hour? Yikes.

Ghosted by Al Creed @ 07/04/2005 7:22 PM EDT

I say, yous being the correct. So being so so expsensives!

Ghosted by Tom No Like @ 07/04/2005 9:34 PM EDT

Always forgive. Never forget.

(Thanks to J for relating this teaching to me)

Sincerest apologies, Tom No Like.
And I’d like to officially acknowledge our newest member: Goob!!

Those pitchers are so poplular and trendy

Ghosted by Hall Moniter @ 07/04/2005 10:13 PM EDT

I find that people complain too much if you pick Kirby, so I’ve had to beef up my Pikachu skills. Nothing trumps that thundershock.
(speaking of porn, anybody watched HBO’s Cathouse yet?)
I think my favorite part of this article is imagining the tantrum that led to the self-imposed banishment. I like to imagine Matt drop kicking a bucket of nickels or something equally over the top.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 07/04/2005 10:53 PM EDT

I salute you back.

Ghosted by LodgeNet @ 07/05/2005 12:07 PM EDT

Nice 4th of July present to us, Matt…another great article.

Yeah, I’ve used those Hotel systems before, and they suck.

I noted the TV had RCA jacks…Next time, just bring your own entertainment! You can hook up whatever you want…

Ghosted by Cameron T. @ 07/05/2005 12:32 PM EDT

I finally got a TV back in my room (I deliberately kept it out while I was in college) and had to get a RF converter.

Why in the world do you need to plug those things in? Isn’t it just like a very big, very expensive adapter to switch RCA to Coaxial?

I don’t remember having to plug in the adapters that switch a 3 prong plug to a 2 prong.

I majored in psychology, not Electricianology, can ya tell?

I know how to calculate how powerful an amp you can connect to a given speaker. I’m not a total idiot.

Ghosted by Knegative @ 07/05/2005 1:25 AM EDT

Hah, this was a great one. I had no idea this kind of system existed, actually….I’ve never been in that fancy a hotel. Until now, if I had waltzed into a room and seen this service, I would have gone absolutely nuts with rapture (has nothing to do with the porn). You just proved that it stunk badly, and thank you for that. Now I don’t ever have to find out the hard way, with my own money.

Downloadable N64 games is the only plus, though they were too cheap to unlock Falcon and Ness for you. It’d also be good if that internet feature played everything on the Homestar website, but I’m guessing it can’t even handle Flash 1.0.

They should have left in the SNES downloads. That stuff rocks. Hey, Nintendo knows–that’s why they’ll be offering that very feature in their next console.

Ghosted by Mars @ 07/05/2005 2:26 AM EDT

Hey Everybody!

Hope everyone had a good 4th of July! Wife and kids enjoyed the Army’s fireworks show, but I think it would have been better with real ammunition, but I digress.

Thanks kingklash, I wonder if that will work.

Good news here in Deutschland: Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith is here!!! Yes, the movie I’ve been bitching about for almost two months is finally at my little dumpy theater!

Please, no spoilers! Then again, just my luck, Brett will decide to come out tonight and the theater is only showing it this week. Methinks God hates me if this occurs.

Also, any of you have NCAA 06 Football yet? Doubtful that will arrive here in Germany until Spring Training!

Semper Fi,
Erik Majorwitz

Ghosted by EMajorwitz @ 07/05/2005 3:01 AM EDT

Glad you will finally get to see it, Erik!

Can’t wait to read this article….I could use some cheering up today!

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 07/05/2005 4:32 AM EDT

i had a shitty time in A.C. this weekend

Ghosted by Shannon @ 07/05/2005 10:42 AM EDT

Saw REALLY old sugar free cherry jello at a corner market while out of town last week. It was pre nutrition facts and bragging about the nutrisweet it was made from. . . thought of XE

Ghosted by kb @ 07/05/2005 10:58 AM EDT

Never been in a place with such a thing. Sound like a great way to waste time/money. But usually I lug around many varied things like a mini TV, a GBA, portable DVD player, or whatever I feel can allieviate bordom. Latex Housewives? Throw in some spanking with a Hot Wheels track, and you have my interest.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 07/05/2005 11:58 AM EDT

Oh man, this article was the best. I used to frequent AC with my parents as a child – and being the only child, when alone, I sure fuckin’ hit up their PPV services. Porn and shitty movies indeed.

Word.

Ghosted by Redladder @ 07/05/2005 1:13 PM EDT

too bad the trip sucked. sounds like half the trips i go on.

Ghosted by matt g @ 07/05/2005 2:05 PM EDT

I’ve never actually tried using that crap. I suppose I will have to. And soon. Like right now.

Ghosted by Travis @ 07/05/2005 2:08 PM EDT

Yeah. I hear ya, Matt! I once had to check into a hotel at the Vancouver Airport. It was a damn nice hotel,but there was nothing to do. So what else could I do? I went to the hotel bar for awhile, drinking $12 maragaritias. After that place closed, I went back to my room and drank $6 SMirnoff Ices from the mini-bar and watched crap on the LodgeNet, including porn (yeah yeah, I was bored).

However, I gotta say, I enjoyed the fact that bathrrom doors were set up in such a way that you could see the TV from the luxurious bath tub (this was a DAMN nice hotel; expensive too).

During the day at this hotel, I either watched regular TV or explored the airport (or at least the parts which they would let me explore without a boarding pass).

Ghosted by Nate @ 07/05/2005 2:27 PM EDT

OUTSTANDING article. Back in the day, this used to be called Spectravision, which, of course, we dubbed Spanktravision. Yeah, the Borgata’s not all it’s cracked up to be, plus they raise the minimum bets to $20 at the craps tables early in the afternoon, which is too much for me. The Old Homestead Steakhouse, though, is just . . . unbelievably delicious

One comment:

Why were you making tacos in the hotel room? Looks like a bottle of Tanqueray next to the tube in Main Menu picture, then in later pictures the bottle’s gone and there’s a Taco Bell taco kit in it’s place. Or is that an Ultimate Nachos kit? Either way, seems like a weird product to bring to a hotel.

Ghosted by Pedro @ 07/05/2005 2:28 PM EDT

Shannon, too bad you didn’t have a good time. I went on Sunday, and had a great time. We went to the beach bars and then the new Havana district at the Tropicana. It was very, very nice, and a lot of good bars. Way, way too crowded though.

Ghosted by Y2JB78 @ 07/05/2005 2:52 PM EDT

Didn’t you talk about the LodgeNet before?

As for the video games being old, nope, can’t complain. I play SNES games all the time. Not for 7 dollars an hour. I can complain about that.

Ghosted by Yama the Space Fish @ 07/05/2005 3:17 PM EDT

Yes!!! Finaly saw Episode III!!!

What can I say? Hmm…The "nooooooooooooooooooo" thing wasn’t too bad, but it certainly was corny.

The lightsaber duels were pretty cool, but I think Dooku and Grevious should have fought better. Oh and Windu went out like a sucka…through that window.

Okay, I’ll admit, I cried at the end. But I have an excuse, my son is coming soon, so perhaps I was getting practice. Oh hell, I can’t hold it in, I’m a crier. Simon Burch, Steel Magnolias, when the Terminator lowers himself in the lava in Terminator 2: Judgement Day, even when Jean Claude Van Damme loses his best friend in Bloodsport I start the waterworks.

The best thing about Star Wars is that by introducing them to my stepdaughters, I believe I have grown closer to them. Plus, they do some cute things.

1. Kaitie (4 years old) walks around in her underwear and sticks the lightsaber in them. She then tells her sister that she is in fact, Darth Vader.
2. Kaitie is a Master with the Yoda’s (she calls him Yoga) lightsaber. I have welts to prove it.
3. The best exchange so far:

(I walk into the room. Kaitie is banging the Electronic Yoda lightsaber against the wall).

Me: What are you doing?
Kaitie: Trying to make Yoga talk.
Me: Who?
Kaitie: Yoga, the little green guy! (Bangs it harder)
Me: Kaitie…(I take it away and switch the lever and give it back to her. She swings away).
Yoda: Powerful you are…
Kaitie: Yoga!!! (keeps banging away)
Me: There you go…(as I turn to leave she stops)
Kaitie: Okay, now go get your lightsaber…(comes flailing away with the lightsaber in my direction and hits me).
Me: Owww
Kaitie: Hee hee hee!!!
Yoga: You are reckless!
Me: You can say that again!!! (I retreat up the stairs.

Hope everyone had a great 4th of July!!! Oh, and pray the baby comes soon, wife doesn’t want to take no pay maternity leave!!!

Semper Fi,
Erik Majorwitz

Ghosted by EMajorwitz @ 07/05/2005 3:58 PM EDT

I seem to remember being tempted by not necessarrily LodgeNet, but something like it in a dull Pensylvanian hotel. My parents, unfortunately, were’nt the money having type so I just had to sit there and look at that beautiful NES controller resting on the dresser next to the TV. My newly acquired capsules that grew into sponge animals were hardly good enough to take my eyes off of it either. *sigh*
Hope you all had a Great 4th!!!
-Lucky

Ghosted by Redlightbulbs @ 07/05/2005 4:09 PM EDT

Have any of you seen the new Corn Pops commercial with the hip-hop music video parody?
Funny stuff. Reminds me of the cereal commercials from the early 90s.
It’s a pops thang! Sweet crunchy blang-blaaaaang!

Ghosted by Ekkostar @ 07/05/2005 4:44 PM EDT

Matt, what did your parents do that had them having comped hotels?

Also, that Strobe firework from last years fireworks article? Have you used it yet?

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 07/05/2005 5:28 PM EDT

geez Matt, I think you ended up spending more money in the hotel room renting porn, movies, & games

Ghosted by celery @ 07/05/2005 6:54 PM EDT

i was at a red roof inn last night, and they have the same system, only even lamer. there was no internet, but i could play SUPER NINTENDO for seven bucks an hour. solid value.

Ghosted by paulo @ 07/05/2005 7:21 PM EDT

Hey Matt? Your worst nightmare has come true.

Ghosted by Kitsune Sniper @ 07/05/2005 8:14 PM EDT

Kitsune Sniper: "NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Erik-When is the due date again?
Also, I am proud of you for admiting to crying during BLOODSPORT. Although I think most would cry thinking about the time spent watching the movie that they can never get back.

Ghosted by The Manimal @ 07/05/2005 10:03 PM EDT

Majorwitz- Dang. All this talk about your arriving baby, and still no baby. Try punching her in the stomach. Maybe that’ll cause her to vomit the baby. Just kidding. I’m generally against abortion.

Maybe it’s just that he’s a boy, but his "you know" needs some more growth, so he’s gotts stay in a little longer.

Okay, I seriously think I’m on crack right now, cuz I’m thinking up all these weird ideas. I need a drink.

Ghosted by Nate @ 07/05/2005 10:55 PM EDT

Well…. At least it’s widescreen, eh?
I’ll go hide now.

Ghosted by Joy @ 07/06/2005 12:08 PM EDT

I don’t like to admit that there are good points to Ep. I, but the whole "will I ever see you again" bit tore me a new one.

Ep. III I was too freaked out to emote anything other than regret over my personal bouts of holding onto things I fear to lose.

But I lose it over Neo and Morpheus’ farewell and Trinity’s Death. So, there ya go.

"No the honor is still mine"
"Not without you"

sigh *sniff*

Ghosted by Knegative @ 07/06/2005 12:25 PM EDT

Never been to A.C. but I dont much care for gambling.

Now old video games? There’s something I can get behind.

I was never allowed to play the games they had in hotel rooms… I mean, admittedly, the prices are ridiculous. I remember once or twice bringing my Sega Nomad along to keep me entertained, though.

That was before… the Accident. The screen busted (though the backlight still works) and I’ve never been able to play it since. Rest in peace, good buddy

I was one of those kids who wouldn’t think about ordering porn on a hotel television. Not because I wasn’t interested, but because I knew a trail would lead back to me.

So flash forward several years, and there’s free porn for everyone online! I’m still not sure that’s going to prove a good thing in the decades to come when they conduct studies on our generation.

Garbage Pail Kids on DVD, and I STILL don’t have my ONE FUCKING SEASON of Nowhere Man? QUIT DRAGGING YOUR FEET!

Ghosted by Night_Trekker @ 07/06/2005 12:36 PM EDT

Constantine on the 19th!!!

Our Lady Peace–Healthy In Paranoid Times on August 30th. Finally.

The Ataris–Welcome the Night

sometime soon supposedly. I haven’t been this amped up for something since Nimrod. But Kris won’t even speculate a date

Ghosted by Hall Moniter @ 07/06/2005 12:44 PM EDT

that was by far one of the tightest and most well written posts anywhere. Kudos to you. Oh, and my Pikachu can beat down your Pikachu. I played SMB endlessly as you did. Happy posting! (no, I’m not gay. straight people say that too.)

Ghosted by Xexeter @ 07/06/2005 1:28 AM EDT

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