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05/15/2005: The “Darth Dew” Star Wars Slurpee!

I got my ticket! Revenge of the Sith opens this week, sure to trigger millions of bittersweet moments as Star Wars fans young and old embark on the almost-certainly last-ever big screen debut for the franchise. It doesn’t matter how “good” the movie is: It’s a necessary experience for anyone who ever fantasized about rushing over highway traffic on a speeder bike, for anyone who ever wielded a wrapping paper tube as a lightsaber, and for anyone who filed a written complaint about Greedo shooting first. With so many memories attached to these films and their extended lore, it’s tough to imagine those ending credits scrolling without an audience of massive cheers, massive tears and at least a few hundred rebels who hold lit lighters to the sky in a show of respect to the story that gave them so much joy.

Now us fans…we’ve survived a whole lotta torment over the past several years. Both The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones were panned by critics, casual viewers and diehards alike, spoofed and insulted in every way possible in every media form imaginable. If that didn’t shake our loyalties, nothing will. Still, if nothing else, it’s given us a sense of humor about the franchise. We love it, but I’ve run into very few Star Wars fans who are unwilling to poke fun of their hobby and its many lovable faults. It’s this newfound humor that paved the way for a number of hysterical cross-promotions in recent months, running the gamut from Chewbacca’s Burger King commercial to M&M’s dressing up like Sith warriors. With Star Wars, nothing is sacred and everything is fair game. I’m sure a great many hate this to no end, but personally, I’d rather have people goof on Star Wars if it means I can walk into a 7-11 and drink Darth Vader’s Slurpee. Introducing…Darth Dew!

Yup, Darth Vader has been immortalized with his very own Mountain Dew 7-11 Slurpee. It’s the last corner of the merchandising universe Vader had left to conquer, and it’s a good thing he managed to squeeze this triumph in before everyone heard him cry about Padme. Lord knows nobody’s gonna want his Slurpees after that. Only the last in the long line of food products Darth’s been featured on over the past few months (he’s got his own fruit snacks, too), the 7-11 Slurpee still remains the greatest of all possible food-related honors. Very, very few folks can say they’ve had their own Slurpee. You, I, the guy down the block? We’ll never have our own Slurpee. It’s the most elite club in history, especially if you choose to ignore the fact that 7-11 did the same thing for Shrek a few years ago.

On top of a great ad campaign, 7-11 is even making a big deal about Darth Dew within the actual stores. I’ve got a few Slurpee centers in my area, and have seen everything from thirty-foot banners to giant inflatables supporting the Force-sensitive slush piles. It’s to the point where one could easily argue that there’s been better marketing for Darth Dew 7-11 Slurpees than the film they’re actually crossed with. In stores, Vader has just about completely taken over the Slurpee machines — which, if you haven’t been to a 7-11 in a while, have grown to the approximate size of Ford Explorers. Though quite possibly the worst tasting Slurpee available from the chain, I doubt that many could wander near the Vader-drenched machine and convince themselves to drink anything else. It just wouldn’t be right.

The Slurpee is a grapey/raspberry/sugary/candy concoction in a rich purple hue, but I’m not sure anyone could down the whole giant cup of it without dying. Maybe it’s just been too long since I’ve had a Slurpee, but this thing coats your insides like the archenemy of Pepto-Bismol, threatening each and every square inch of your intestines with a syrup so sweet it may as well have bees porking each other inside it. I’d recommend only trying a small cup, but then, how could anyone resist the killer deal 7-11’s laying out? For 1.99, you get a limited edition holographic Star Wars cup that holds enough Darth Dew to drown the great lizards of Komodo Island, and a plastic Vader-shaped cup topper. PS, put the topper on before you pour the holy ice, because it’s damn impossible to get the thing on afterwards without covering everything in a three mile radius in Darth Dew Slurpee residue. And trust me, you don’t want to do that: This shit is sticky. My hands still feel like I’ve just completed something naughty.

But yeah, playing into Star Wars fans’ inherent packratty nature and inclination towards collecting everything, the cup is easily washable and will likely serve as a shelf topper even after Darth Dew only lives on as checkmark in 7-11’s Yearly Quota of Stupid Liquid Promotions notebook. For 2.99, you can skip what I just mentioned and fill a giant plastic Yoda head with Darth Dew instead. That’s even more surreal. It’s like drinking frigid Yoda brains, and I’d comment on how cool that is if I wasn’t sure someone would take it as a bad pun.

Get ‘em before they’re gone. Give in to your anger. Also, check out Darth Dew’s official site!

I have to find it funny that 7-11 sells Coca-Cola Slurpees to this day…yet now is also selling a Pepsi product in the form of Mountain Dew.

They’re like Palpatine…working for both Republic and Seperatists…though which soda company is which is for you to guess.

It looks like the people at Pepsi just took all the leftover Mountain Dew Pitch Black and made it into Darth Dew.

"Master the Freeze?" That’s the best slogan millions of advertising dollars could come up with? Seems to me they missed out on what might be the only opportunity in history to use the pun "Dew or Dew not" in a mercantile setting.

Talk about a (pun intended) sweet deal. Maybe I could get a cup tomorrow and only fill it a quarter of the way…

Am I reading that right? Mastering the Freeze costs one dollar more than Darthing the Dew?

I think an interesting idea would be to market slurpees and put them in hollow lightsabre containers. That way, the colour of your lightsabre is dependant on the colour of your drink. It would cost $59.99, but at least it would look cool.

The saga is now truly complete.
I had the Darth Dew (Goo) the other day after feverishly searching every 7-11 in a ten mile radius. I kind of like it actually. Of course I feel Lucas may have forced the good old 7-11 corporation to cut the crap with heroin. I’m a sucker for tie-ins like this. I even went crazy with the Hulk cups a few years ago. Anyway, the Yoda head is quite bizzare. It seems almost as if you decapitated the little bastard and are now enjoying his brains.Who knew Yoda’s brain was so sugary? The Yoda mug(?)has no handles you grab him by the ears, which is abit strange, it’s as if your forcing him to..ahhh nevermind. My only complaint with both cups is that niether would fit in any cup holder. Yoda too awkward and Vader’s cup too tall.
However this weekend I scored a Vader camping chair(at Target no less, for a mere 8 bucks!) for when I have to wait on line Wedsday, even though, I already bought tickets. Thankfully my girlfriend has induldged my inner child and realizes this will all be over very soon.

Yep, I’m planning on picking up a Darth Dew on my way to opening night. I didn’t buy tickets in time to see it on the digital screen, but at least I’ll be able to say that I was there for the premiere of one SW movie.

Banana Fanta slurpee’s !!??!?!?!?!?!?!!?!! What the fuck is wrong with this world????? Well I guess Darth and Yoda make up for it….

While they’re at it they might as well serve slurpee’s made with that bottle of Kraft Creamy Cucumber salad dressing from 1986 that guy was trying to sell on e-bay (there was a link for it in the thread for purplesaurus rex i believe).

Why couldn’t it have been a Super America Slurpee? I can GET to a Super America… wait… I know where a 7-11 is!!! ACROSS THE BUSY HIGHWAY! YIPPEE!!

In my humble opinion, I’d have to say that I’d probably fill the Vader cup with a decent flavour–one that does not have the word "Dew" in it. It’s really all about the Vader cup, since that will last long after we are all dead. In a collector shop/land fill somewhere.

And 7-11 has been offering Pepsi and Coke side by side for about 10 years–they made a very big deal about it back then. Now? Nobody cares.

Right, i’m english, can someone explain to me what a "Slurpee" is, is it like an ice drink or what?

Awesome, but the cups aren’t as cool as the HULK cups that changed when they got cold.

Me too we use to have some then when they got popular and had all them commercials they closed um all. I WANNA SLURPEE THIRSTY I AM.

THE MANIMAL IN PRINT. Macon (GA) Telgraph showcases local nerds. Allow me to show off and lose my anonymity. I am the teacher mentioned in said article:

I had no internet this weekend and I am trying to catch up. POST OF THE WEEK from Jedoc??!! I think so.

Anyone know if Triumph the Insult Comic Dog has visited the nerd line yet? Man, that is one of my favorite sketches . . . evahhh!

Manimal: Am I mistaken or is the picture shown on that page taken by a "Jason Voorhees" of the Macon Telegraph?

Pedro, there is a Triumph clip section on the show’s site:
http://www.nbc.com/Late_Night_with_Conan_O‘Brien/index.shtml
There is a Star Wars anti-drug sketch, Star Wars Dope, in the Video Moments section.

I thought I had a sinus infection, but I totally forgot I had a Darth Dew the day before. That explains the purple fecal matter.

i love this slurpee! i drank the whole thing in minutes from the large cup. of course, im one of only three people on the planet who liked the mountain dew thats its based off of, mountain dew pitch black. its grape flavored and awesome i think, im trying to track some down since it was pulled off the shelves for bad sales. ah well.

Hey guys, found ths site about a week ago and am loving it to the max!(c). For the benefit of the confused English guy (i’m English too) I *think* a slurpee is like a Slush Puppie but with much more sugar. Peace and love y’all!

If I remember correctly (and its been a while since I’ve seen a Slush Puppy), Slurpees are a bit thicker than Slush Puppies, but essentially you are right.

Ok…I have NEVER drinken a Slurpee before…so what does it taste like? Viscosity? Texture? I want to know!

Also, I picked up the Count Dooku electronic lightsaber on Sunday. I think it’s really cool, and I think it has the best shape. I was just wondering, which of the lightsaber toys is your favorite?

Wow, I gots some catching up ahead of me. This time the internet connection died on me. I mean, the wheel was spinning, but the hamster was MIA. Finally got new connections, radio and cables duct-taped on, and I am online again. Power blips are mysterious things, even with a surge protector.

Ha! I didn’t notice that jhnnywalkr but yes!!! JASON VORHEES IS ALIVE AND WELL AND WORKING FOR A NEWSPAPER IN MIDDLE GEORGIA!!
Friday the 13th Part 22: Jason takes Macon
"Say cheese, then say your prayers!!"

you know what obliterated my heart? I go to my local 7/11 convienance store and the Darth Dew machine is out of order! WHAT?! I drove 5 mins for this? I had to take a Big Gulp cup full of soda and put a vader lid pretending it was Darth Dew… oh well the lid is awesome

Darth dew + All 4 differnent slurpee cups, filled to the brim (at once)= Sweet crap, YES. = tummy ache. Oooohhhh…

Damn all the gods that made me be living in Georgia when this movie came out! Stupid southern states without a 7-11 within 300 miles!

Stopped by a 7-11 on my way home from the Cape May Court House library today and bought a Darth Dew Slurpee (in a small cup - as with Matt’s local 7-11, they were out of the big Star Wars cups). It was sweet, but other than that, it disappointingly didn’t taste like anything, even Mountain Dew.

So, you’re all gonna see my new movie, right? It’s totaly WIZARD! I deliver the same type of classic lines as I did in Episode II, such as: "I don’t like the sand. It’s rough and irritating, and gets everywhere. Not like here. Everything’s so smooth." and of course "I will be the BEST. Jedi. EVAR!!!111" What’s that? You didn’t like my acting in Episode II??? You thought my dialogue was cheezy?!! NOOOOOO!!! I’ll show you! I’ll show you all! I’m going to become the badass Darth Vader, you’ll see! Then, and ONLY then will I be the most powerful Jedi! That’ll show them! Then I’ll kill them all! Not just the men…but the women and children! I’ll slaughter them like ANIMALS! I HATE THEM!!!! *pouts, sips Darth Dew while listening to Linkin Park*

They should have put a jar jar binks cup up there. THAT would have sold out in SECONDS.

Wow. I could really give two shits about purple-flavored sith-drinks, but I must say I really liked the opening paragraph of this mini-article. Almost got me choked up…
Perhaps a blog thread of personal SW-related stories describing what the films have meant to each of us is in order. Just a suggestion.

I work ata Coldstone Creamery, and last week, Darth himself came in and ordered some ice cream and bullshitted with the customers. It was a wonderful moment, I was dying from laughter…he even had a voice box thing, the girl who took his order was laughing so hard cuz she couldn’t understand him. Man, I wish I had my digital camera with at the time!

Alas, I have yet to see a 7-11 in Korea….I am missing out on all the marketing blitz…worst of all is that the movie premieres May 19th worldiwide, right? WRONG- it premieres May 19th Everywhere EXCEPT Japan and yup, KOREA! I have to wait until May 26th!!! The whole world will see it before me, and I was so looking forward to May 19th….It is a dark time for the rebellion…I mean, for me:(

I truly believe that 7-11’s were created to sell non-lethal chemical waste from the dingy factories that produce Gatorade.

I also have a Vader cup now, ‘cept I dislike Dew and almost anything related to Pepsico, so I went with the cherry as usual =)

Besdies, with cherry it feels more like you’re drinking his brains anyway, I would’ve loved to see what that would have been like with the Yoda head.

So what would you call a Darth Dew Brain Freeze? Would it be all right to fall down in the middle of 7-11 and scream, "THE DARK SIDE’S GOT ME!! IT’S LIKE MILLIONS OF SYNAPSES FIRED AT ONCE, AND WERE SUDDENLY FROZEN!! LUCAS HAVE MERCY!! uncle owen? aunt beru? fluffy? gurgle….." or would that be too over the top?

Well, I would try it, but being a Mountain Dew fanatic, I despise Pitch black for being the worst tasting Dew flavor ever made. For anyone who hasn’t had it(or is stupid enough to believe they actually LIKE it), I think it would be safe to say the flavor is close to a cup of an extremely fat man’s sweat, shit from a diaper, and grape kool-aid.

I fucking hate grape kool-aid, and everything grape. But, for a good-tasting dew, go to your local Taco Bell and see if they have any Baja Blast. It’s.. tropical lime flavored. I don’t know what that means, because limes don’t taste like that. But it’s good.

As for Sith? Let’s just say that I have special ties with a very NICE theater. One screen, historic building, whole 9 yards. Tickets? A mere $5. Nyah nyah. The joy of a theater not owned by Carmike or AMC.

Inside? VIP. Balcony, front row, center, big two-person chairs for me and the future ex Mrs. Huge gaggle of friends coming to wait in line with me, too, which means we can cheat and send one or two people on food runs without getting bitched at.

Episode III might be the last really cool thing I get to do for a while, so I’m doing it big. Here’s to every nerd, geek, and inner-child on this site who will be living the next 48 hours up like there’s no tomorrow (because there won’t be for Star Wars).

And, for the record: Matt? You’re insane. Grape is the nectar of the GODS, man! The GODS!

blueslushy: Are you kidding? Pitch Black was the only halfway decent thing Mountain Dew ever put out. My only complaint about it was that the shit went flat WAY too fast. But, in Slurpee form, I imagine fizz isn’t even an issue. I think I’ll try one if I’m ever at a 7-11. I won’t go out of my way for it, though. Too bad it’s just for some stupid promotion. Sounds like it’d make a good permanent Slurpee flavor.

Matt, if you have a Star Wars-loving bone left in your body (and obviously you have more than one), you should check out the Clone Wars animated Star Wars series that was recently shown on Cartoon Network. The first season is out on DVD now for a measly $15.00 (a lot of extras for a DVD that cheap) and hopefully the superior second season will follow.

The guy behind the animation of the original Dexter’s Lab, The Powerpuff Girls and Samurai Jack–Genndy Tartakovsky– did them. Fan support was so great after season one (and George Lucas was so pleased) that season two had 12-minute episodes instead of 3-minutes shorts (edited together with classic Star Wars wipes in the DVD), better voice acting was introduced and there was obviously more room for storyline (which turned pretty well).

Lucas actually let Tartakovsky design General Grevious, apparently a major player in Episode 3 (I’m keeping clear of spoilers… there’s not a whole lot to get suprised about as it is).

I don’t know if I’ve posted this before, but if I have it’s because I really believe you would enjoy the Clone Wars. I’ve said it many times to other people, and I’ll say it again: after watching the second season episodes back-to-back on Cartoon Network, I was more excited about Star Wars than I have been since the original trilogy.

Oh, and Anthony Daniels did C-3P0’s voice. If that’s not enough to get you to see it I don’t know what would be.

"The Clone Wars" is indeed worth checking out. Anakin’s animated counterpart is far more bad-ass than his whiny Episode II persona. He even gets pissed off and collapses someone’s head with the power of the Dark Side! I guess, as one ages, that sort of thing becomes more arduous to perform (much like mowing the lawn or maintaining an erection), so Vader later opts for a simple choking rather than a full-on cranial smoosh.

Muppet Baby: you haven’t seen 7-11 in Korea? where are you at? I saw them all over the place! if you’re desperate and still can’t find them, take a little trip to Uijongbu… scary, I know, but they even have Winchells out there! and if you can convince one of the US military guys to help you out they might get you some Taco Bell from the base.

they need darth iced coffee thinies too, and maybe some beer tie ins. we need Star Wars Beers!

Can you all beleive it tomorrow ep.3 come out im soo excited i can i can drink a gallon of that darth slime slush!!!!!!!!!!

Darnit, they could’ve had a "Banana Fanta Bantha" slurpee. I’d pay for that.

Again, I state that they should do a version of "Shadows of the Empire" with Genndy’s animation monkeys. For two really good reasons: One, it would look really cool. Two, it fits in between V and VI like "Clone Wars" drops in between II and III.

Let’s do Lucas!
Lucas Lucas bo-Bucas
Banana Bantha Fanta Fucas
Fee fi mo Mucas
Lucas!

On the radio in my area a local car dealership is doing commercials to tie in to Star Wars. It has some guy doing a very bad Vader impression saying "I am your father", then this guy witha whiny voice says "your not my father, you didn’t buy me a car." Then bad vader voice says " How can I afford a car when prices are on the dark side." The commercial is soooo bad that it has to be one of the greatest radio ads ever.

I’m drinking a Slurpee out of Darth Vader’s head as I type (Cherry Coke, not the Darth Dew stuff). Mmmm. They were out of Yoda though. That’s the one I really want.

Apparently there’s going to be a third season of The Clone Wars. Adny y info might be wrong, but from what I’ve heard it will be done in CG and Genndy Tartakovsky will have nothing to do with it

Those new Burger King SW toys are great. They even created a small Wicket the Ewok plush toy. I think they’re more interesting than the current selection of action figures out right now.

ok, this has NOTHING to do with ANYTHING but I’ve thought of it and it sounds good.

It’s the most fascinating stories on the web, and is so deep and interesting that everyone must know about it. I want to publish the Photog story, along with EVERY comment that went with it, original, untampered, exactly as it was seen when closed down and no more comments could be put it. The story of Bitner is so great, this book would be awesome.

I just got back from the 12:01am showing of Ep III at our local theater. I know your friend Rob hated it Matt, but after reading your site for years, I think I know what you like. And I’ll tell ya, I can’t see you being unhappy at all with Ep III. It was simply *amazing*, not perfect by any means, but truly mind blowing. I won’t put any spoilers here, but I will say it takes what was good about the other prequils, and the original triolgy to some extent as well, and punches up everything 5000%. Action, emotions, acting, and the body count, everything was kicked up big time. Highly recommended!

I too jsut got back from ep 3. I thought it was excellent, much better than ep 1 and 2, but still not as good as 4 and 5. Hayden Christiansen does a much better job than he did in ep 2, but padame is still pretty bad. There are lots of cool battles, and there was one sceene that really shocked me. I don’t want to talk to much about, because I don’t want to give away any spoilers.

I went out the first night this stuff came out, and my 7-11 didn’t have it, just some West Coast Choppers mega tub promo. Hmm bikes and slurpees do nothing for me lol. I went to another last night, and they had them. I got the Yoda cup, and I polished this bad boy off in less than 30 mins. I hope they keep this flavor long, because it would be killer on a hot summer day.

Too bad so many of those links are outdated. Someone should preserve the Tim letter before it too disappears. The Photog creation was interesting on it’s own but it really was the story about the call-girl, bankruptcy, mental institute and military enlistment that added to the Bitner fascination. And all of that misery is directly related to Mattel.

yes, but having the links working/not working adds to the mysery. and a prolouge/epilouge will help the reader. SO COME ON, SOMEONE GET THAT THING PUBLISHED, AS IT IS, NO CHANGES AT ALL!

I got the Slurpee cup and the Darth head but filled it with the regular mt.dew slurpee. I couldn’t take actually drinking the darth dew flavor. I’m a quitter.

MATT!! Vader has invaded the ice cream truck as well… I had a Vader ice-cream type thingy (what the hell are they called?) and it was red and blue for a cherry type flavor. His eyes were red gumballs… didn’t look much like Vader… but, damn, I WAS EATING DARTH VADER.

Look. All I know is that if I had been Padme, Anikan would have to take a back seat. Oh, he’s cute and all, but it would have been Obiwan in my Kenobi. oops!

UGH!! This is by far the worst tasting slurpee I’ve ever had! It’s some kind of grape mixed with the most god awful medicine flavor. Normally I love grape, but whatever they did to this juist makes it god-awful. It makes me wonder if the secret ingrediant is what the "pee" in slurpee stands for.

I loved this article, and have some news: my sister is going to try to get me a complete set of the Burger King Star Wars toys, and we may get a bunch of Vaders ^_^

Had to go with the Darth head…The Yoda cup reminded me too much of the "chilled monkey brains" scene in Temple of Doom.

Darth Dew is the best stuff I tasted since Moutain Dew and Coke Slurpee. I already collected all 4 cups.

(bill cosby’s sweater)-It looks like the people at Pepsi just took all the leftover Mountain Dew Pitch Black and made it into Darth Dew.

Hey did anyone see that R2D2 bowl kellog’s is giving away with 2 proofs of purchase!

I want to a real job. I want to go with you to law school to learn the ways of divorce and drive a Jetta like my father.

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This entry was posted on Sunday, May 15th, 2005 at 5:55 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.