X-Entertainment's Christmas Season & Advent Calendar, 2008.



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04/26/2005: The Growing Beast Experiment Rages On!

Thanks for all the feedback on that House article! It’s not quite over yet, though. This weekend, a vaguely related part two. No, it won’t be more descriptions of dead bugs or graveyards, but rather a rundown of the insane gamut of “collectibles” picked up at a crickety old gift shop near Delhi. Loads of post-worthy stuff, trust me. To give you an idea, the first things I saw after walking in the place were WWF loot bags from 1985. The last thing I saw? Well…you’ll see.

The Growing Beast Experiment rages on! The culprits (note the new additions, like the heart) have been growing all out of sorts — the combination of less water and nearby extended family members certainly seems to halt their usual capabilities of self biggie-sizing, though it’s interesting to see which of the creatures manage to kick dust at the pack, storming forward like the great leaders of wartime history. Example: Frankenstein is totally kicking Dracula’s green ass. More on this as it develops, but to be honest, the story doesn’t seem to be growing towards anything too interesting. My experiment’s a big failure.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 68 comments

Awesome! Spooky progress!

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 04/26/2005 10:36 PM EDT

Simply shocking!

Chestnuts roasted by Travis @ 04/26/2005 10:50 PM EDT

Go Frankenstein!

Hey people- Who’s better: Dracula or Frankenstein? Justify your answer.

Obviously, I prefer the big green lug, mostly because I always picture the Conan O’Brien model, but also due to those bolts in his neck. Simultaneously the coolest and silliest monster design ever.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeffster @ 04/26/2005 11:10 PM EDT

Christ in heaven! That pic looks like an H.R. Giger painting!

Jeffster: I’ve always been a Creature from the Black Lagoon fan, myself. Y’know why? Because he SUCKS! Fat Kid snuffed the poor bastard with only one shotgun shell! ONE!

Chestnuts roasted by The Yeti @ 04/26/2005 11:18 PM EDT

Yeti- Monster Squad??? One of the most bad as hell movies ever. "Wolfman has nards!"

Chestnuts roasted by Eddie Lightning Frog @ 04/26/2005 11:32 PM EDT

On the other hand Frankenstein’s monster is kicking Dracula’s ass! I will be using this as evidence in my debate with my friend over which monster would win in a match between Dracula vs. Frankenstein’s monster.

Chestnuts roasted by Fhydra @ 04/27/2005 2:10 AM EDT

Anyone here know if Monster Squad had an official DVD release? That movie kicked a**!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by D-Roc @ 04/27/2005 5:59 AM EDT

Man, I can’t tell what’s what in that picture. Is that white thing at the top right the mummy? If it is, go mummy!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by oldskool25 @ 04/27/2005 7:18 AM EDT

When we did this experiment at work late last year (using reptiles jammed into a 20 oz. water bottle) the results were pretty much the same as jamming about 30 people onto a small elevator…except the sides are clear, so you can see in… oh and the fact that it’s filled with water… but otherwise the same!

Chestnuts roasted by bad karma @ 04/27/2005 8:27 AM EDT

2 liter bottles are great for growing beasts.

Chestnuts roasted by dfgdfg @ 04/27/2005 8:41 AM EDT

Dracula is waiting for the perfect time to spring forth with fast growing horror

Chestnuts roasted by thejyav @ 04/27/2005 8:58 AM EDT

Two thirds of a ‘pun’ is P-U, Matt. (And, two thirds of ‘fun’ is F-U, but that’s a whole other ball of worms.) Puns are punny and so hard to resist.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 04/27/2005 9:03 AM EDT

Poor Frankenstein’s monster looks like its going to have a neck cramp when it gets up.

Chestnuts roasted by Naoko @ 04/27/2005 9:27 AM EDT

Hey guys,

Matt, thanks for the update and I will be looking forward to the Delhi article part 2. As for the Growing experiment, geaux dracula. Dracula has to be the coolest of the monsters. I mean how many kids, growing up, were frankenstein for halloween?

Chestnuts roasted by Tigerfan @ 04/27/2005 10:07 AM EDT

Anyone seen the new M&M commerical with Darth Vader choking the red M&M? Also any fans of Megas XLR here? I want more people into the show so it sticks around.

Chestnuts roasted by RAS @ 04/27/2005 11:01 AM EDT

That commercial rocks.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 04/27/2005 11:12 AM EDT

Yay Im excited to see some goodies from you kick ass trip…I had a dream about that house last night, my friends and I went up there, and I forsed them into the crawl space upstairs, I dont remeber what happend after that.

Chestnuts roasted by IHAQ @ 04/27/2005 11:43 AM EDT

Universal? Frankenstein’s Monster.
Hammer? Dracula.
Toho? Gojira.
I forget who makes the Gamera movies.
Asimov once said that a pun is considered the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.
Megas is cool. Think about it: if a giant anime robot fell into your control, would you pilot it any different? I like the subtle jabs the writers take at eMpTy Vee over the cancelling of Downtown, where Goat made his first appearance.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/27/2005 11:56 AM EDT

I just found out I’m going to be an uncle this year too! Sweet eh?

Great house article Matt, wish I lived in NY, I’d love to hang out with you guys, perhaps you could lock me in that crawlspace or wet the asbestos

Football may be over but check us out: http://www.giessen-dragons.de

We are currently 1-1 and play the Langen Knights on Saturday. I’m playing pretty well.

17 of 33 for 348 yards, 3 touchdowns and an interception.

Semper Fi,
Erik Majorwitz

Chestnuts roasted by EMajorwitz @ 04/27/2005 12:28 PM EDT

Heck yea i was waiting for the results. too bad it didnt go like you wanted and i liked that pun and cant wait for you deli item review!

Chestnuts roasted by JAM @ 04/27/2005 12:32 PM EDT

I also liked the Star Wars ringtone commercial.
Matt, any word on newer commercials that are XE in nature being available for download?
This insane experiment MUST BE STOPPED!!!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 04/27/2005 1:04 PM EDT

Hey, I love those things, but watch out–if they stay in water too long, they start to come apart like chunks of soggy bread. And they feel about the same way, but a little more appetizing.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 04/27/2005 2:49 PM EDT

Matt, did you put up that pun link because I had someone look up the word "ponderous" when talking about a movie?

I haven’t seen Monster Squad in years but remember liking it. Although Van Helsing is sort of an updated Monster Squad anyway. THAT was a bad movie (although I liked the guy who was Frankenstein in it).

Dracula is cooler because he seduces beatiful women and then turn them into his sex slaves (do vampires have sex?). Plus, he kills people. What can Frankenstein do?

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 04/27/2005 3:24 PM EDT

Frankenstein can waste a minute of your time.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeffster @ 04/27/2005 4:45 PM EDT

Where’s the skeleton? He was the biggest going into this experiment.

Chestnuts roasted by Carri @ 04/27/2005 10:07 PM EDT

WWF loot bags from ‘85? Better be some Koko B. Ware merchandise included!

Chestnuts roasted by Review the World @ 04/27/2005 10:14 PM EDT

Perhaps you should lid the experment so they don’t grow to the point of sticking half out and shrinking partly? Just a suggestion. Could also be interesting to see who kicks the others out.

Chestnuts roasted by Mara @ 04/27/2005 11:05 PM EDT

Sometimes, people add my public instant messenger name to their buddylists, then completely forget who I am. This doesn’t keep them from IM’ing me with ‘WHO ARE YOU?!’ messages. Sometimes I like to have a little fun with ‘em… Click ‘more’ for, you know, ‘more’.

I slightly changed the fool’s name for his protection.

Rylndman420: hello?
xe char char: hi
Rylndman420: whos this?
xe char char: isn’t it obvious?
xe char char: vincent price!
Rylndman420: who r u?
xe char char: why else would i have ‘char’ in my name?
Rylndman420: justin?
xe char char: yes d00d
xe char char: how’s it hangin
Rylndman420: hey
Rylndman420: ive been tryin to call u!
Rylndman420: DO U WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT??????!!!!
xe char char: what? when?
Rylndman420: TONIGHT
Rylndman420: OR GO SEE MOVIE?
Rylndman420: or sumthing to pick up gurls
xe char char: well
Rylndman420: maybe?
xe char char: i’m in for the movie, but i just found out i’m gay. you ever watch will & grace? shit that show will show you the way.
Rylndman420: oh ok
Rylndman420: lol
Rylndman420: lmao
xe char char: so what’s up?
Rylndman420: U HAVE TO HEAR THE WAVE I PUT IN WHEN I SEND AN IM
Rylndman420: Gte off real quick so i can call u ok
xe char char: i can’t, i spilled soda on my speakers. they like exploded.
Rylndman420: no
Rylndman420: Wats yur last name justin?
xe char char: okay, call me now. we just got a cable modem, so nobody’s on the phone anywayz
xe char char: haha forgot how to spell it again? it’s not THAT hard
Rylndman420: WHO IS THIS????
xe char char: FREAKIN JUSTIN MAN
Rylndman420: wats yur last nam???
xe char char: My last Nam? Probably issue #25. The one where Nick Fury eats a frog.
Rylndman420: Who is this??
Rylndman420: seriously
Rylndman420: stop being gay
Rylndman420: this isnt justin
xe char char: I can’t, not until I stop watchin Will & Grace.
xe char char: It is too, who the frig else would it be
Rylndman420: Wats all yur sisters names?
Rylndman420: just yur real oneds
xe char char: Oh, the Yur Sisters? I think Shaniqua and Terrelia. They’re pretty good, ya hear the new song?
xe char char: They sing about friendship.
Rylndman420: omg
Rylndman420: YOU ARE SO GAY
xe char char: I KNOW! THAT WILL WILL GET YA!
Rylndman420: this is a gay bot
Rylndman420: isnt it
xe char char: How can a robot be gay? They don’t have genders to begin with.
xe char char: You know for a straight guy you talk about gay robots an awful lot.
Rylndman420: stfu
xe char char: STFU?
Rylndman420: wats your name?
xe char char: THAT’S MY ALMA MADER!
xe char char: Vincent.
Rylndman420: where are u from?
xe char char: Stamford.
xe char char: I moved. That’s why you can never reach me on the phone d00d.
Rylndman420: Whop is your creator?
xe char char: I gotta run. Will you tell Jen to stop being such a dick?
Rylndman420: Wats jens last name?
xe char char: Nifer.
Rylndman420: Who do you think i am?
Rylndman420: seriously
xe char char: Judging by your AIM handle, I’d say…hmmm…Kim Fields?
Rylndman420: Uhhh no
Rylndman420: retard
xe char char: Loved the rollerskates.
xe char char: Oh.
Rylndman420: This is Ryan Friar, Im 6"9 and im gonna beat yuor ass when i find otu who this is
Rylndman420: Ive already got your ip adress and im inserting a virus right now bitch
xe char char: 6′9" You could’ve been the Fake Diesel. You know, I’m in Stamford now. Want me to call the McMahons for ya?
xe char char: Oh awesome.
xe char char: I like the red ones. Like from Dr. Mario?
Rylndman420: you r so ggay
xe char char: Sooooo cute.
xe char char: U R 2 FAHG HAT
Rylndman420: Uhh stfu you stupid basterd
Rylndman420: Wait
Rylndman420: Do you want a really cool website with hot gurls oin it?
xe char char: Wait, first I gotta tell ya something, and it’s important.
xe char char: You know those Hostess Snowball cakes, right?
Rylndman420: yea
xe char char: Well, if you rip the outer snowy coconut layer off, and lick it, it’s sort of like going down on a girl who uses chocolate syrup to douche herself.
xe char char: Don’t you think so?
Rylndman420: yea lool
xe char char: Okay man I gotta go.
xe char char: See ya tomorrow.
Rylndman420: wait
Rylndman420: one second
xe char char: No I can’t wait anymore.
Rylndman420: yea hold on one sec
xe char char: NO GOODBYE RYLND MAN.

Best conversation I’ve had all week.

Chestnuts roasted by Do yall remember this @ 04/28/2005 1:00 AM EDT

I totally don’t remember that entry…I do remember the Soul Asylum IM debacle. Or was it Soul Coughing?
I was actually puzzling over the logistics of that grow bowl this afternoon, hoping for an update.
Star Wars tattoos. You’ve got to see these. This one is especially impressive. You gotta represent the Red Guards.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/28/2005 1:52 AM EDT

Change The Christmas Stuff Already….

Chestnuts roasted by Drew Curtis @ 04/28/2005 9:33 AM EDT

okay, matt, the conversation with Rylndman420 was great…what an ass…did you ever actually break down and tell him who you were, or was that the whole conversation?

Chestnuts roasted by Rosella @ 04/28/2005 10:16 AM EDT

The Rylndman420 conversation is hilarious.

I remember it everytime I get an IM from some high school punk mistaking me for someone they know.

Chestnuts roasted by Carri @ 04/28/2005 11:33 AM EDT

Corey Haim for the new millenium. Wow, I guess he’s off the meth, huh?

Here’s an interesting, (alleged)quote from the Haimster. Scroll down to his picture. So now we know where Mel Gibson gets his ideas.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal is Corey Haim's cyber love slave @ 04/28/2005 12:43 PM EDT

Maybe the loot bags will contain some WWF grow figures, and we can hope our favorite superstars will be added to the bowl and kick all their asses! Brutus the Barber Beefcake could kick Dracula’s butt any day.

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 04/28/2005 12:49 PM EDT

i believe that Im is the next way of doom to befall mankind.

Chestnuts roasted by shadow of doubt @ 04/28/2005 12:55 PM EDT

That’s why I don’t do Insane Massaging. Bad enough I get spam in my e-mail for dingdong medication. English is my only language, and I have a tenuous grasp of that at best, let alone understand the crazy moon speak of AOL. Little Brother like to go to chat rooms and only reply with "I am Sparticus." How quickly the others pick up on the joke. I suggested next time he use "Give us Barabbas!" in a online poll. American Idol, perhaps?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash, where IM stands for Intestinal Monkeys. @ 04/28/2005 2:14 PM EDT

http://www.getarrested.com/

make sure arrested development gets another season! it’s on the bubble!

Chestnuts roasted by AD @ 04/28/2005 3:11 PM EDT

Trajeal- Speaking of Haim, he’s in this week’s Entertainment Weekly. What’s funny is that he’s 33 and lives with his mother still. That’s sad.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 04/28/2005 7:52 PM EDT

Man, I totally remember reading that log and laughing my ass off! High-larious!!

Trajeal, thank you for that pic! Quite enlightening. It looks as if Corey might be on a steroid such as prednisone. The same thing that made Jerry Lewis balloon up into a puffball. One of it’s side effects is called "moon-face", it looks like Corey has a little touch of that…OR it could just be the absence of the speed! I still think you need to experience the glory of the Corey Haim video diary ! There’s nothing really quite like it.

Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 04/28/2005 8:58 PM EDT

Some people just love their mommies. Nothing wrong with that.
Regarding AD’s link: Wow, last time I went to that page about 5,000 people had gotten Arrested. Now it’s almost 90,000. Wonder how many are actually unique.
I have to confess to enjoying aimspeak. Actually, I really just love the acronyms, "LOL" and "OMG" and the fancies like AFAIK and IMHO, but the wholesale massacre of language does get annoying.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/28/2005 9:07 PM EDT

Hmmmm, tried to send in those pics of the classroom to Matt but it was a no-go (?).
So, here they are for those who are interested. Check out page 2 for more…
http://www.msnusers.com/Manimal-aholics/shoebox.msnw?Page=1

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 04/28/2005 10:06 PM EDT

Damn Manimal. That’s an impressive display. Your students must not have sticky fingers; I know I would have tried to swipe that stuff when I was at that tender age.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/28/2005 11:41 PM EDT

Show us your tits!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Actually, I'm more of an ass man... @ 04/29/2005 1:20 AM EDT

Okay, I’ve decided that I just want Matt to leave all the Xmas crap up. Like someone said before, it’s kinda comforting in a way. Matt, if you change it, just replace it with the Xmas 2005 stuff!

Chestnuts roasted by bad karma @ 04/29/2005 1:38 PM EDT

Yes…I have a strange feeling that XE is also going to think that Jesus was born in mid-August.

Chestnuts roasted by The Yeti @ 04/29/2005 4:28 PM EDT

Has anyone read Kevin Smith’s review of ROTS? It’s on the View Askew website - Warning Major Spoilers! He does say this is the one all hard core fans have been waiting for.

Chestnuts roasted by Joe in OH @ 04/29/2005 4:50 PM EDT

can you put a link i really wanna read it

Chestnuts roasted by JAM @ 04/29/2005 5:17 PM EDT

Thanks be to Google: The View Askewniverse
I know wanting to avoid "spoilers" is kind of dumb in this situation (I hear Anakin gets injured or something!), but I’m not reading the review myself for exactly that reason. Off to see Hitchhiker’s!

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/29/2005 6:31 PM EDT

Just when I thought CBS was turning into Sci-Fi Channel 2.0 (1, 2), they go and stoop in a different direction:
Anjelica Huston directed what?

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 04/30/2005 2:07 AM EDT

OK, so I’m a late poster, as I have often been lately. Anyway, I’d like to say that Matt may be doing a great job with his latest articles, but that doesn’t make up for one little thing. I don’t need to tell you all what this is because everyone here already knows.

Matt, change this thing now, please. Otherwise, all the newcomers are gonna get thrown off and think this is a you-know-what site. Er…I mean…um…not THAT kind of "you-know-what," or the kind that ends up in the toilet. Besides, that misconception is already drawn from the name of this site. Anyway…where was I going with this? Dammit, I lost my train of thought!

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 04/30/2005 2:15 AM EDT

Oh man, did I just lay the harhest air biscut. Man that is rough. Woo wee, that stanks. Man open a window, I goatta let this one get some air. Too bad it’s not in that car and I can hot box someone. Phew.

Chestnuts roasted by OH @ 04/30/2005 12:14 PM EDT

I just watched Cabin Fever, which I knew sucked so was pleasantly surprised by a few bits. I liked the harmonica throat guy. It was like watching that episode of Spongebob where Squidward swallows his clarinet. I also liked the dog factor. Two horrors for the price of one. Cool. It was no Manos: Hands of Fate, but it certainly tried. I kept thinking that the kid who played on Boy Meets World looks like an older (younger?) version of Matt. Until he talked, of course. Then I couldn’t get Topanga Cabana out of my head.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 04/30/2005 12:32 PM EDT

Nate saw something shiny.
Anybody else notice how Leonard Nimoy is starting to sound like John Huston? He could re-dub all of Gandalf’s lines in the Rankin-Bass Hobbit shows and no-one would notice.
Also of note, John C. Riley sounds like Mr. Jinx.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/30/2005 12:40 PM EDT

Kevin Smith’s artistic integrity is questionable at best these days (gone are the days of "Chasing Amy"), but he’s still a hardcore fanboy and one of the most ardent critics of the Star Wars series, so I suppose if he says Episode III rocks, then it might just be the prequel we’ve been waiting for. I won’t be reading his chock-full-of-spoilers review because I want to see the flick with eyes as virginal as Padme’s senatorial honey-pot, but I suppose we all know how this one will wrap up in the end.

P.S. In a Vanity Fair interview, George Lucas was grilled about his apparent amputation-fetish. When asked why people are always getting limbs hacked off in his films, Lucas replied: "That’s what happens when you play with swords." What a dick.

Chestnuts roasted by The Yeti @ 04/30/2005 12:53 PM EDT

Is that really that dickish? That IS what happens when you play with swords. Besides, if you really want to see amputation run rampant just watch Kill Bill or Carnivale and see what true obsession is.
Nate, you’re always talking about how busy you are. Matt is busy too. If he only has a given amount of energy that he can devote to the site nowadays I’d much rather it be channelled into actual updates over a site redesign.
If anybody is curious, Hitchhiker’s Guide was pretty good. If you’re not already a fan, go see it to get a tiny taste of what’s in the books. If you’re already a fan, definitely go see it for the good bits (Deep Thought was neat and I really liked Mos Def as Ford) and try not to cringe at some of the liberties they took in other bits.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 04/30/2005 3:27 PM EDT

Gamera is Daiei Studios.

Chestnuts roasted by kid nicky @ 04/30/2005 4:41 PM EDT

The only obession visible in "Kill Bill" is Tarantino’s foot fetish. The films are outstanding, but the man’s got issues…

Chestnuts roasted by The Yeti @ 04/30/2005 6:58 PM EDT

SQUEE,

Nah. I have good students that like me too much. Plus, most of them consider my stuff beneath them

Chestnuts roasted by The Manimal @ 04/30/2005 7:15 PM EDT

Check out this old article i love goin back and lookin at old XE Articles this one was nice ENJOY BTW- i hope i got the link right and MATT do you still have the ASL plates!!!!

Check out this Old Article

Chestnuts roasted by Do yall remember this @ 05/01/2005 3:21 AM EDT

Excellent ASL plate saga. I hadn’t read that one yet. Thanks for linking it.

Chestnuts roasted by Carri @ 05/01/2005 2:30 PM EDT

Hey guys. Great freekin’ web site. I stumbled apon it trying to find that new star wars episode 3 spoof and found this. I love it. I’ve just spent 3 hours watching commercials and reading all of you articles. I can’t wait for more. The only question I have is: Do you know where I can find a copy of that Garbage Pail Kid movie? I only saw it once on video in 1987 because it never played in the theater near me. I just wanted to know. Keep up the good work and I’ll be checking back often.

Chestnuts roasted by Punk Bob @ 05/01/2005 3:25 PM EDT

Welcome aboard, Punk! Don’t bring up the Christmas design and everything will be fine.

Use the search on the main page to find my review of the GPK movie. Good news: It’s coming out on DVD very soon, if it hasn’t already. Don’t expect many bonus features, but yes, you’ll be able to see Valerie Vomit live up to her name real soon.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 05/01/2005 3:41 PM EDT

Happy May Matt!

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. May @ 05/01/2005 7:34 PM EDT

Thanx, kid nicky!
Now that you said it, I remember Joel and the ‘Bots shouting "DAIEI!" at the beginning of each Gamera movie.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/02/2005 5:06 PM EDT

Can’t wait for part 2 of the House trip. I knew you stopped at one of those places, they sounded too good to pass up. I wish I could see some shots of the Mom & Pop video store, those never seem to disappoint.

As for the GBK movie, I had it on VHS a few years back. I think I traded it for something or left it somewhere, though.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt(#2?) @ 05/07/2005 4:37 PM EDT

Ahem.. that’s GPK. Now I’m wondering if I was thinking "bag" or was it just that the similar P and B sounds ran through my mind too quickly to get it right. Gah.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt(#2) @ 05/07/2005 4:39 PM EDT

Hmm…I say after House Part II, we get a House Part III, and give us the houses haunted history, and explore the graveyard, basment, etc…and take lots of photos…who knows…a ghost may just POP UP!

MUHAHAHAHcough

Chestnuts roasted by rob @ 05/10/2005 7:39 PM EDT

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