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04/19/2005: Ninja Turtles Eggs, and I’m back in ToyFare…

Remember my little contributions to ToyFare Magazine a while back? Well, we’re at it again — checks your newsstands for issue #94, featuring Freakin’ Sweet, my hand-picked list of 101 Family Guy trivia bits, in-jokes and blink-and-you’ll-miss-it gags. The goal was to list only the stuff that’d come across upon repeat viewings, but with such a large list, I’ll admit that some of the entries are a bit obvious. Still, it’s a nice big huge lazy read, so if you’re into the show, check it out! They’ve even got an interview with Seth in there. I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank KP, who brought me onboard as a freelancer with the mag. He doesn’t work there anymore, but hey, thanks man!

Speaking of things that pay, work has been incredibly busy lately. Busy but…rewarding. When I started working at Nick, I honestly didn’t think it’d go much further than the trial period. Frankly, going from a situation where I worked from home for so damned long into a big bright vibrant crazy supercharged mega office almost felt too hard to conquer. I don’t think I could have been more shy or self-conscious during that first month. But, I’ve found my spot now, and sometimes I feel motivated in ways that are beyond me. Plus, the people are just great. You’ll always find something to pick at and complain about no matter where you work, but all things considered, I think I’m pretty fuckin lucky for someone who could’ve just as easily been a professional drinker hocking personal belongings on eBay.

Do wish I had more time for the site, though. I miss it terribly. I could write a book about how much I miss it. On the other hand, the grass is always greener, blah blah. As we speak, Brian’s trying to whip together a new design to finally take us out of the holiday season, sniff. I still plan to do that other new site deal I mentioned a while back, because what I have in mind is super conducive to easy, quick updates, and it’d be nice to have something to supplement the larger features. Aside from weird old Ninja Turtles candy.

Farley’s “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Eggs,” from 1990. On this, their fifteen birthday, we reflect upon a time when merchandising tie-ins could be as lazy as repackaging stale jelly beans and still make big bank. The candy itself is completely uninteresting in terms of taste (minty jelly beans…start the revolution now), but it’s tough not to admire each bean’s many speckles and the fact that, yes, they do rather look like eggs. Not turtle eggs, but eggs noneggtheleggss. More interesting is the illustration of the Ninja Turtles seen on the bag, looking like a five-year-old’s crude Crayola masterpiece wiped clean after someone older spilled art-ruining coffee all over it. All of the Turtles seem only half-convinced that their heads should be out of their shells, likely because longtime fans of the much grittier and grassrooty Ninja Turtles comic were throwing god damned flaming meteors at them for selling out and having jelly beans. For an officially licensed (and I know it’s official because they advertise the TMNT fan club kit on the back, oh snap) Turtles product, this one really feels like a boot. Turtle Eggs? Why? Because real turtles lay eggs? That doesn’t buy them a free pass, sorry.

Survey: In 50 words or less, justify Farley’s decision to make Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Eggs. 51 and you’re DQ’d.

WHOA! That was YOU that did that article, Matt? I read the whole thing over the weekend and didn’t even notice. I feel like a real schlub right now, but great job nonetheless.

Reason: They wanted money and get rid of stupid green jellybeans at the same time. So they slapped the turtles on it, loosely associated eachother, and called it a night. That’s business for ya.

Reason: the turtle eggs are not candy, thier actually brian-controlling pods that launch themselves to minds of unsuspecting eaters. The pods are released by Disney, in thier plan to rule the world.

Any-who mint anything is cool with me and anything with ninja turtles on it would have gotten my attention back then..or ya know dinosaurs. Farely couldnt resist a quick cash in.

Highest i have ever been… on the list, do these words count? Maybe they were tryiing to kill little kids who ran with them in their mouths… Like that stupid Halloween movie but with beans not comercial activated maskes. The choking never started, but it should have.

Yes, I don’t see a reason to go any further, since Pirates nailed it.
I was wondering (today, actually) if you could maybe explain more about what you do at Nick, or maybe just a little about how the whole system works? Not looking for ancient chinese secrets, just wondering how one gets into it and what kind of work is out there.

Someone at Farley’s drew triangle-headed Turtles,so they needed something to justify its use.

Apparently, so eight-year-olds who were home sick from school could gorge themselves on them, thus probabably becoming even sicker, but they sure tasted good at the time.

Congratulations on getting in ToyFare, and for all of your hard work paying off, etc.

Mint jellybeans? And, more imporantly, why does Leo have Don’s bo staff on his back?

Someday, someday, someone will pull out a cryogenically frozen Turtle Pie, and Matt will dine on green(or yellow) nectar from Heaven!

Matt and Family Guy? Wow, and just tonight on Gilmore Girls I also saw Kirk and Paris in the same shot. It’s a nice hour for explosively good pairings.

Hey there is an error on the bag. Donatello have the katana and leonardo the stick ?!?!

I’m going with, his wife made him do it! Like, she invented some awful minty jellybeans, and needed a way to hock them. PLLLLEEEEAAASSSE DEAR!!!!

Because calling them what they really are, Turtle Testicles, just doesn’t sound appealing at all. Much like "Rocky Mountain Oysters" ya dig?

They made Ninja Turtle Eggs because the license for Michael Jackson Eggs was already taken.

In other local and world headlines, very excited about the "other new site deal", eee!

And it appears at the top that each bag contains a single tear from the poor turtle mother the eggs were stolen from. Oh cruel, cruel Farley’s! Now I’m glad the heir to your vast candy empire, Chris, died!

Some idiot in upper management (which is where all idiots end up) thought this was the best idea ever and everyone under him was too scared to argue with him.

Everyone that tries Rocky Mountain Oysters think they taste like chicken.
Not many people can plug thier own work and get praised for it.
Now just think of all the stuff you’ve bought because he mentioned here and he’s not getting kick backs on?
Matt if you ever start selling boxes of random junk again it’ll make a great present.

Farleys is good. Farleys is life.
Farleys is good. Farleys is life.
Farleys is good. Farleys is life.
Farleys is good. Farleys is life.
Farleys is good. Farleys is life.

What else would you do with all those left over easter egg candy and Dinosaur eggs don’t sell?

In his best Homer Simpson voice: na na na na na na na na na naa… Turtles!
Repeat as needed for 50 words.

I so remember eating those. and does the turtles come from the eggs im confused. and farley was smoking somthing to make those.

Thanks Lori! I’m sure I wasn’t the last to come up with a testicle joke for this one, but it appears I was first. I agree with you about upper-management people as well. That’s why I just quit my job.

Modern Day Pirates…your ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

My poorly crafted theory: Splinter works for Farley’s. Shredder loves the mint jelly beans and will kill for it (as depicted in the lost movie Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder Is Ready For This Jelly). It’s a precautionary tactic.

It’s symbolism. You still have a Christmas layout when Wisconsinites are airing out their cars from the humidity, they have eggs from 1990.

Because the year was 1990, the Smurfs were no longer marketable and TMNT was the godsend Farley was looking for to creatively liquidate it’s ancient stock of molding Smurfberries.

Because the Turtles were being USED, man….used to sell old out dated candy. They got played.

Way to go on Toyfare, Matt! Freakin sweet..I would love to pick up a copy, but English magazines are very hard to come by in Korea…if you find any, it’ll be Time or People, stuff like that. :( I’d get one if I could- I am sure the article was great!

I’m glad to see the site still crackling and popping with new content, even if it’s less frequent.

And my take on the TMNT eggs is that there are some people who will buy anything with TMNT on it. You, Matt, are one of those people, and I love you for it.

Reason: They were marketing towards 50+ year olds that only eat mint-flavored chewy candies.

Because the green jellybeans are the best kind in a typical, non-Jelly Belly, pack (other than black), so a whole bag of them is an easy sell?

Anyway, I hope I won’t be spoiling anything you might have planned for this site in the future, but I feel this is worth mentioning: actor Tom Wilson, who most people reading this site will know best as the guy who played "Biff Tanner", plus his son and grandfather, in the Back to the Future films, is also, apparently, an artist, and his paintings (oil on canvas) are mainly of a subject close to the heart of X-Entertainment.com readers: nostalgia toys (albeit more nostalgia toys from the 1960s and 1970s than from the 1980s and 1990s).

And, the most incredible part is, according to his site, Tom Wilson will soon be having a show of his paintings at… Nickelodeon Studios! I know that probably means the animation production facility at Universal Studios in Florida and not the New York offices, but you think you might be able to score an XE-oriented interview with "Biff" out of this?

I basically agree with the rest of the crowd. The Turtles were so big in 1990, anyone could slap just about anything on a bag of green mint jelly beans and they’d STILL sell….even long past their expiration date.

And Matt, congrats on the article. I probably won’t get to read it, as there’s no way they sell this ‘zine in Southern New Jersey, but congrats anyway. It’s nice to know your amazing talents are finally being recognized by the rest of the galaxy.

Ever think of selling ALL of XE’s archive stuff on DVD’s? I’d buy it! I’m going through the 55 years of Mad Magazine CDROM set now and that made me think of it! You could make fat $.

Now, are these the kind of things that would be bad even if they weren’t ridiculously aged, like the Hello Kitty Steak, or would they taste good?

Simple. They wanted in on the Ninja Turtle craze, and ‘Turtle Eggs’ was the best their marketing wonks could come up with.

Reason: Because my mom would buy them. I remember having these in my easter basket and hating them, from the piss poor artwork to the mediocre taste. But my mom was convinced she was the best mother ever by forcing every concevable TMNT product down mine and my brother’s throats.

Nah, they’re REAL turtle eggs see? And all turtle eggs taste like mint. All of them. Go ahead. Prove me wrong.

Jelly beans that are mint flavored and looks like eggs sponsered bt the TMNT’s The better question is how could these NOT be made by Farley

Because some executive’s kid wanted his Ninja Turtle picture to be on something important!

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 19th, 2005 at 9:20 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.