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Four Cool Dolls!

Happy birthday to you. Here's a look at four great dolls, forever changing the stereotypes surrounding their kind of toys. You've got the Enemy Visitor doll from V, a big potato, Archie Bunker's grandson and Steve freaking Urkel. It's like everything you've ever wanted for your birthday. The V doll is particularly awesome, so much so that I'll start the bidding at 5,000 bucks and tell all interested parties to e-mail me with their chosen form of escrow. Back to my booze in the blender, but not before...

A New Survey! You've got one week to live. What's your plan?

Posted by Matt on 02/06/2005. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 96 comments

Look up "Heavy Armor B-Fighter" and "Gridman" in your favorite Sentai database. Only TTAFfBH was fully original, not action scenes from a Japanese show. That’s a show that deserves a second chance, along with M.A.S.K.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 02/07/2005 4:27 PM

First of all, Happy Birthday, Matt. Hope you enjoyed yourself and remember most of it in the morning. ;)

I pre-date "All In the Family" and am not a big sci-fi fan except for "Star Wars." I do, however, vaguely recall seeing the Couch Potato doll in novelty stores. My family didn’t have cable by the time Urkel had fully taken over "Family Matters." Even so, I’ve never forgotten that doll, mostly in the big toy stores up north.

As for the survey, if I had a week, as corny as it sounds, I’d spend it with my family and friends.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 02/07/2005 6:14 PM

One week? I’d splurge and buy my gf (soon to be fiancee- Shhh!) a ring. Not really sure why, I guess I would feel like it’d be a shame not to.

I’d go someplace tropical w/ her for a few days then hang out the last days. Then leave my vast fortune to Matt so he can continue doing X-E FOREVER!

Chestnuts roasted by ANdrew @ 02/07/2005 6:31 PM

Farked again. At least this time it’s not one week late.

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=1342647

Chestnuts roasted by Pedro @ 02/07/2005 6:55 PM

I Remember having one of those Urkels he use to come to the sit-ins. I remember I ripped open his head and stuffed cotten in it. I also use to power slam it alot. I hated that lil thing I still have it its sitting under my bed now half a head and all. He dosent have any fingers either and half a shoe but its all good he still comes to bro. Percy’s sit-ins well got to go good day all.

Chestnuts roasted by JAM-- @ 02/07/2005 7:14 PM

That Tattooed Teenage… trailer cracked me up. If I didn’t know any better I would have thought it was some SNL Power Rangers spoof.

Chestnuts roasted by Behonkiss @ 02/07/2005 7:45 PM

i’m surprised you didnt include the Pee Wee Herman doll in this article.

Chestnuts roasted by Dan @ 02/07/2005 8:31 PM

I know Matt touched on it a bit in the article, but really… toys based on All In The Family??? Was All In The Family popular among five year old girls or something? On the bright side, the packaging was neat, with Archie on the front and the whole thing about it being "physically correct". Hate to see a physically incorrect baby boy.

Chestnuts roasted by Destro @ 02/07/2005 11:55 PM

The scariest dolls of all time: ("Teenage Mutant Ninja"?) New Kids On The Block Cabbage Patch dolls.

Argharghargh! Almost as bad as the cartoon!

Dolls: just say AarghaarghpleasenonononoUGH! :D

Chestnuts roasted by eminentfreak @ 02/08/2005 2:41 AM

What cracks me up is that they needed the trademark™ symbol next to "Did I do that?" on that Urkel box.

Almost as stupid as the Buffer brothers copyrighting "Let’s get ready…(deleted out of fear of the Buffers’ Lucas-class lawyers.)"

Chestnuts roasted by Monster Dog @ 02/08/2005 5:50 AM

Hey, I had one of those Urkel dolls. Good times.

Chestnuts roasted by Dragonrider @ 02/08/2005 9:27 AM

Happy belated birthday Matt!

Chestnuts roasted by J-Dog @ 02/08/2005 10:35 AM

The Joey Stivic doll looks uncircumsized.

Chestnuts roasted by David @ 02/08/2005 11:04 AM

Another thing I’d probably do is start smoking cigarettes again. Hell, you only die once, so you might as well enjoy it.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 02/08/2005 11:48 AM

That Joey Stivic doll creeps me out a little. Maybe I’m just a bit too uptight about that kind of thing… I used to watch Family Matters all the time when I was a kid and I had never seen that doll before. It’s actually kinda neat.

Anyway, if I had a week to live I would say goodbye to my family, coworkers and friends and then I’d get all my money together and see how far I can travel by foot/jaywalking (it may be dangerous, but who cares? I wouldn’t be around for long anyway) before dying. Anyone who wanted to come could join me, although I don’t think I would ask anyone directly.

Chestnuts roasted by AnarchicCasualty @ 02/08/2005 11:50 AM

According to James Bond, You Only Live Twice.

Once when you are born,
And again when you die.

I read the book.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 02/08/2005 11:53 AM

The only doll I will admitt to having as a male would the ultra-powerful Gorzak. I dont know if anyone would remember this behemoth but this warrior of death had it all. He could turn right, turn left, walk, and chop his axe all by the sound of your voice. He could also bellow out a battle cry that consisted of "RAAARGH" or "ARGHHH"! I still have this spawn of Satan’s trinkets and I will keep him forever. Alas, I lost his chains that he breaks free from during his battle chop action!

Chestnuts roasted by Alex @ 02/08/2005 12:14 PM

"Couch Potato" comes from a comment that Princess Diana made in the mid-80s about people watching too much TV. She was either on some kick about geting people off their asses and exercising more, or she was making a point about not giving into the pressures of a public that obsessed about watching her life unfold on television. Whatever the case, the name caught on but instead of motivating people to get up and do something, it caused people to merely embrace the notion, hence a goddamn toy line based on it.

The worst part about the series of events is that it created another example of a kind of people I can’t stand… Gimmick Whores. Some douche spot-welded to his recliner/couch/whatever that sits there with a Couch Potato doll because "it’s so them" drives me insane.

The latest incarnation of this type of person could be seen by the thousands just the other day when so many people wore Super Bowl XXXIX t-shirts to the actual Super Bowl. What are they proving? "I’m here….Just like you….It’s the Super Bowl today, you know?" Mind numbing.

Chestnuts roasted by spmal1@verizon.net @ 02/08/2005 1:20 PM

I believe when Ken and Barbie were first released, both of those dolls were anatomically correct. I am not real sure about the testicals/testis but I do know that either the following year or a couple years after, thier current nudered state came to be.

Chestnuts roasted by jason @ 02/08/2005 1:31 PM

wow thats so wrong

Chestnuts roasted by spliner is a rat @ 02/08/2005 1:43 PM

The creator of the Barbie doll actually ‘borrowed’ the idea from a doll she found in Germany, called the Lilly doll. Lilly was the main character in a raunchy comic strip and the doll was meant as a gag gift for men. It’s creepy how much the original barbie doll looks like this thing. Though I never heard about the anatomically correct thing.

Chestnuts roasted by squirrel-chan @ 02/08/2005 2:15 PM

Happy B-day Matt!

for those who wonder about the Flabber doll:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=348&item=5955039053&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW

Chestnuts roasted by Jordy @ 02/08/2005 3:53 PM

Happy birthday Matt

Chestnuts roasted by Well @ 02/08/2005 7:39 PM

I think the my last wish during my last week to live would be an X-Entertainment that celebrates the holidays in December, not February :)

Chestnuts roasted by No Use For A Quote @ 02/08/2005 9:03 PM

From Bill Bryson’s "Made In America: An Informal History of the English Language in the United States":

"America was well on its way to becoming a nation of couch potatoes, though that expression would not, of course, be used for many years. (Its first appearance has been traced to the rather unlikely forum American Banker magazine of December 30, 1980, but the context suggests that it was already current, at least in California.)"

He cites Safire’s "Coming to Terms".

Chestnuts roasted by Marchant @ 02/09/2005 4:36 AM

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This entry was posted on Sunday, February 6th, 2005 at 9:14 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.