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02/06/2005: Four Cool Dolls!

Happy birthday to you. Here’s a look at four great dolls, forever changing the stereotypes surrounding their kind of toys. You’ve got the Enemy Visitor doll from V, a big potato, Archie Bunker’s grandson and Steve freaking Urkel. It’s like everything you’ve ever wanted for your birthday. The V doll is particularly awesome, so much so that I’ll start the bidding at 5,000 bucks and tell all interested parties to e-mail me with their chosen form of escrow. Back to my booze in the blender, but not before…

A New Survey! You’ve got one week to live. What’s your plan?


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 96 comments

Look up "Heavy Armor B-Fighter" and "Gridman" in your favorite Sentai database. Only TTAFfBH was fully original, not action scenes from a Japanese show. That’s a show that deserves a second chance, along with M.A.S.K.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 02/07/2005 4:27 PM EST

First of all, Happy Birthday, Matt. Hope you enjoyed yourself and remember most of it in the morning. ;)

I pre-date "All In the Family" and am not a big sci-fi fan except for "Star Wars." I do, however, vaguely recall seeing the Couch Potato doll in novelty stores. My family didn’t have cable by the time Urkel had fully taken over "Family Matters." Even so, I’ve never forgotten that doll, mostly in the big toy stores up north.

As for the survey, if I had a week, as corny as it sounds, I’d spend it with my family and friends.

Ghosted by starwenn @ 02/07/2005 6:14 PM EST

One week? I’d splurge and buy my gf (soon to be fiancee- Shhh!) a ring. Not really sure why, I guess I would feel like it’d be a shame not to.

I’d go someplace tropical w/ her for a few days then hang out the last days. Then leave my vast fortune to Matt so he can continue doing X-E FOREVER!

Ghosted by ANdrew @ 02/07/2005 6:31 PM EST

Farked again. At least this time it’s not one week late.

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=1342647

Ghosted by Pedro @ 02/07/2005 6:55 PM EST

I Remember having one of those Urkels he use to come to the sit-ins. I remember I ripped open his head and stuffed cotten in it. I also use to power slam it alot. I hated that lil thing I still have it its sitting under my bed now half a head and all. He dosent have any fingers either and half a shoe but its all good he still comes to bro. Percy’s sit-ins well got to go good day all.

Ghosted by JAM-- @ 02/07/2005 7:14 PM EST

That Tattooed Teenage… trailer cracked me up. If I didn’t know any better I would have thought it was some SNL Power Rangers spoof.

Ghosted by Behonkiss @ 02/07/2005 7:45 PM EST

i’m surprised you didnt include the Pee Wee Herman doll in this article.

Ghosted by Dan @ 02/07/2005 8:31 PM EST

I know Matt touched on it a bit in the article, but really… toys based on All In The Family??? Was All In The Family popular among five year old girls or something? On the bright side, the packaging was neat, with Archie on the front and the whole thing about it being "physically correct". Hate to see a physically incorrect baby boy.

Ghosted by Destro @ 02/07/2005 11:55 PM EST

The scariest dolls of all time: ("Teenage Mutant Ninja"?) New Kids On The Block Cabbage Patch dolls.

Argharghargh! Almost as bad as the cartoon!

Dolls: just say AarghaarghpleasenonononoUGH! :D

Ghosted by eminentfreak @ 02/08/2005 2:41 AM EST

What cracks me up is that they needed the trademark™ symbol next to "Did I do that?" on that Urkel box.

Almost as stupid as the Buffer brothers copyrighting "Let’s get ready…(deleted out of fear of the Buffers’ Lucas-class lawyers.)"

Ghosted by Monster Dog @ 02/08/2005 5:50 AM EST

Hey, I had one of those Urkel dolls. Good times.

Ghosted by Dragonrider @ 02/08/2005 9:27 AM EST

Happy belated birthday Matt!

Ghosted by J-Dog @ 02/08/2005 10:35 AM EST

The Joey Stivic doll looks uncircumsized.

Ghosted by David @ 02/08/2005 11:04 AM EST

Another thing I’d probably do is start smoking cigarettes again. Hell, you only die once, so you might as well enjoy it.

Ghosted by Nate @ 02/08/2005 11:48 AM EST

That Joey Stivic doll creeps me out a little. Maybe I’m just a bit too uptight about that kind of thing… I used to watch Family Matters all the time when I was a kid and I had never seen that doll before. It’s actually kinda neat.

Anyway, if I had a week to live I would say goodbye to my family, coworkers and friends and then I’d get all my money together and see how far I can travel by foot/jaywalking (it may be dangerous, but who cares? I wouldn’t be around for long anyway) before dying. Anyone who wanted to come could join me, although I don’t think I would ask anyone directly.

Ghosted by AnarchicCasualty @ 02/08/2005 11:50 AM EST

According to James Bond, You Only Live Twice.

Once when you are born,
And again when you die.

I read the book.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 02/08/2005 11:53 AM EST

The only doll I will admitt to having as a male would the ultra-powerful Gorzak. I dont know if anyone would remember this behemoth but this warrior of death had it all. He could turn right, turn left, walk, and chop his axe all by the sound of your voice. He could also bellow out a battle cry that consisted of "RAAARGH" or "ARGHHH"! I still have this spawn of Satan’s trinkets and I will keep him forever. Alas, I lost his chains that he breaks free from during his battle chop action!

Ghosted by Alex @ 02/08/2005 12:14 PM EST

"Couch Potato" comes from a comment that Princess Diana made in the mid-80s about people watching too much TV. She was either on some kick about geting people off their asses and exercising more, or she was making a point about not giving into the pressures of a public that obsessed about watching her life unfold on television. Whatever the case, the name caught on but instead of motivating people to get up and do something, it caused people to merely embrace the notion, hence a goddamn toy line based on it.

The worst part about the series of events is that it created another example of a kind of people I can’t stand… Gimmick Whores. Some douche spot-welded to his recliner/couch/whatever that sits there with a Couch Potato doll because "it’s so them" drives me insane.

The latest incarnation of this type of person could be seen by the thousands just the other day when so many people wore Super Bowl XXXIX t-shirts to the actual Super Bowl. What are they proving? "I’m here….Just like you….It’s the Super Bowl today, you know?" Mind numbing.

Ghosted by spmal1@verizon.net @ 02/08/2005 1:20 PM EST

I believe when Ken and Barbie were first released, both of those dolls were anatomically correct. I am not real sure about the testicals/testis but I do know that either the following year or a couple years after, thier current nudered state came to be.

Ghosted by jason @ 02/08/2005 1:31 PM EST

wow thats so wrong

Ghosted by spliner is a rat @ 02/08/2005 1:43 PM EST

The creator of the Barbie doll actually ‘borrowed’ the idea from a doll she found in Germany, called the Lilly doll. Lilly was the main character in a raunchy comic strip and the doll was meant as a gag gift for men. It’s creepy how much the original barbie doll looks like this thing. Though I never heard about the anatomically correct thing.

Ghosted by squirrel-chan @ 02/08/2005 2:15 PM EST

Happy B-day Matt!

for those who wonder about the Flabber doll:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=348&item=5955039053&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW

Ghosted by Jordy @ 02/08/2005 3:53 PM EST

Happy birthday Matt

Ghosted by Well @ 02/08/2005 7:39 PM EST

I think the my last wish during my last week to live would be an X-Entertainment that celebrates the holidays in December, not February :)

Ghosted by No Use For A Quote @ 02/08/2005 9:03 PM EST

From Bill Bryson’s "Made In America: An Informal History of the English Language in the United States":

"America was well on its way to becoming a nation of couch potatoes, though that expression would not, of course, be used for many years. (Its first appearance has been traced to the rather unlikely forum American Banker magazine of December 30, 1980, but the context suggests that it was already current, at least in California.)"

He cites Safire’s "Coming to Terms".

Ghosted by Marchant @ 02/09/2005 4:36 AM EST

If I had one week to live, I would go out in style. I would buy myself a Couch Potato doll, feed my Archie-Kid-Doll-With-A-Package, and squeeze the head off my Erkle doll.

Ghosted by Pfft... @ 02/09/2005 8:00 PM EST

Happy b-day bro. Just celebrated mine on the 8th. 29 years. Whoa. Keep up the excellent work on this site.

Ghosted by Another Matt @ 02/10/2005 10:51 AM EST

I can’t believe they made Flabber. :(

I feel suicidal when I remember watching that show.

Ghosted by dfgdfg @ 02/11/2005 10:12 AM EST

BeetleBorgs, probably the worst kids show ever. Matt should do an article on it.

Ghosted by Dan @ 02/11/2005 3:57 PM EST

I am really really really really bored. So I clicked all the names in this blog that have links and will no proclaim that Mr. Mr. Mr. site is quite enjoyable and worth of your attention anytime, not just when your bored. One reason I have made this official statement, his site has Pooch Patrol!

Ghosted by Kennef @ 02/11/2005 3:59 PM EST

I still have my ‘V’ doll and he on my shelf. Still looking as good as ever. I also wondered why there wasn’t any more toys from this show. They could of have several figures just like they do for Star Wars (all the outfits for Diana alone! If you count the series after TFB). Maybe if the remake of ‘V’ ever gets off the ground, they will make toys for the new show, and then make the older figures into toys.

One week to live….I’d try and read as much as I could, and watch any movies that I’ve put off watching. And maybe end a few lives of those who have pissed me off. :)

Ghosted by MLD @ 02/11/2005 7:44 PM EST

What does this make me…#7 to remember Big Bad Beetleborgs (as well as the following season: Beetleborgs Metallix)?

And it was so much a ripoff of Power Rangers, they were both distributed by Saban at the time, so you can tell obvious similarities to both series. I even swear that the old costumes for Beetleborgs were used in later episodes of Power Rangers (especially the one with all of the Red Rangers, the villains’ costumes were all from that show)

Ghosted by Invader Norbert @ 02/12/2005 1:15 AM EST

I always got creeped out by the V show. I wish I would’ve picked up a V doll now, though. But, being the poor kid I was, I could only have what could be purchased with what I made selling cheese during lunch.

Ghosted by Cammioh @ 02/12/2005 6:51 PM EST

Wow I never knew the phrase "Did I do that" was trademarked. I don’t see how that is possible. I think I’m going to trademark the word "the" and "a". Everyone will be paying mad royalties to me!!!

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 02/13/2005 2:58 PM EST

Hi, I just found this site and it is AWESOME! I was drawn in when looking for the original Lucky Charm line, and then found the greatness of Swirly Whale. Yeah, the dolls are great too. I want a V doll now. Hummm. Next stop, ebay.

If I had one week to live… I don’t know, can you drop me by the liquor store so I can start planning?

Ghosted by Phrankey @ 02/13/2005 3:15 PM EST

Ah yes I remember that "Great Power Rangers Clone" flood that gave birth to Beetleborgs Super Human Samurai Syber Squad and that GOD AWFUL Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighter. I actually got kinda fond of SHSSS for a while becuz in the hour betwen waking up and catching the cheese wagon there was very little else on since at that point most of my TV networks had started to phase out there weekday morning cartoon line ups. TTAF was horrible I have no idea what USA was thinking when they came up with that turd. I rememeber that the acting and special effects were so shitty that it made the first season of power rangers look like it was written by shakespeare and had its SFX done by ILM.

Incidentally I did have a Couch Potato tho I have no idea what happened to him. The V and Joey dolls were before my time so I had no idea they even existed…and in the case of the latter I wish to the gods that were still true >_<

Ghosted by The Krypt Angel @ 02/14/2005 12:47 PM EST

With one week to live i would have sex with every fine girl possible, and probably impregnate all of them. The future is full of me.HAHAHAHAHA. And I would spend the last day of my life playing Nintendo, and with my last breath I would finally beat Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. That’d let me die happy I think. I know its a little late but I just bought the Super Mario Brothers Board game on ebay, I can’t wait for it to arrive.

Ghosted by LoneWolf @ 02/15/2005 11:38 AM EST

That Joey Stivic doll is frightening. And its face actually reminds me of a doll I had as a kid, but she was fortunately sewn together with underwear permanently on. I never saw the fun of dolls that piss themselves. And if realism was what they were going for, why not a doll that pukes and shits as well. Good Lord.

If I was going to die in a week, I would need to rob a bank- or perhaps mug Paris Hilton- so I could have enough money to take the whole family to Disney World. And, once there, when I kicked the bucket I would volunteer to be the thousandth happy haunt in the Haunted Mansion.

Ghosted by JG @ 02/15/2005 2:44 PM EST

Did I really read that entire article all the way down to the revised Urkel grade, only to be deprived of a shot of the logo that warranted the change?

Thanks be to Google: http://www.vintagelane.com/images/urkel_family_matters_doll_in_box_talking_doll.JPG

Ghosted by my moustache @ 02/15/2005 6:57 PM EST

Oh my god, that doll was anitomically correct???! Now, that is scary!!! They could NEVER get away with that now. Could you imagine?????

My mom’s parents and grandmother loved Steve Urkel!!!! I think my cousin (who’s 15 now) got one of those dolls when she was 1 yr. old. I think one of my cousins gave it to her. I wonder if she still has it.

That "V" doll was cool!!!!!! Lizard face and funky tounge!!!!!!!!! We’d have a field day at work with that one, particularly the lizard tounge!!!!!!!

I remember Couch Potato, but what the hell is a Flabber doll?? Someone wanna clue me in?

Great article, Matt!!!!

Ghosted by Allison @ 02/17/2005 9:26 AM EST

My boyfriend says to me "No sweat my pet" all the time, then he does his hysterical Pee-Wee Herman impression. Because I’m a sucker for anyone who can do Pee-Wee.

I can’t believe I just admitted that.

Ghosted by Allison @ 02/17/2005 9:29 AM EST

I couldn’t see the Urkel thing you were talking about on the box….is that because I am retarded?

Ghosted by fatretard @ 02/17/2005 3:53 PM EST

I couldn’t see the Urkel thing you were talking about on the box….is that because I am retarded?

Ghosted by fatretard @ 02/17/2005 3:53 PM EST

My cousin STILL has a Couch Potato somewhere in his house.

Ghosted by a person @ 02/24/2005 6:11 PM EST

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