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01/15/2005: C-3P0's Cereal & Pokemon Pasta!

I managed to snatch a sealed box of C-3P0's Cereal from 1984, so even though I already did an article on the stuff a few years ago, this latest development seemed like enough of a reason to praise the power of the rehash. It's a giant look at a very special Star Wars breakfast, including a full-sized scan of the creepy Luke Skywalker mask printed on the box. Enjoy.

Actually just got back from Atlantic City a few hours ago. Lost big, but only to the point of a one week depression as opposed to the six weeks that came after my last visit. The machines were ruthlessly cold, and even if the tables were luckier, I fucked up every time I sat at one and eventually gave up. I just couldn't grasp the nuances of when to pick up cards, how to pick up cards, when to throw the chips, so on and so forth. It was like trying to wing sign language.

Right before we left, we hit the boardwalk at my urging so I could check out the decrepit souvenir shops for old crap. Couldn't hit shit in the casinos, but nailed a jackpot in the shops — the next article (hopefully active on Monday afternoon — I have off because I strongly support MLK) features one collection of finds, but I took home all sorts of great stuff. One of the 99 cent stores was stocked with Rambo action figure accessory packs from 1985, and that's just the tip. In the bowels of the very same store, I found these…

Heinz Pokemon Pasta! The cans are from 1999, but even so, they were some of the least offensively old food products found in the store. They're from Pokemon's boom period, with six characters (chosen seemingly at random) represented as pasta shapes in milky tomato sauce I know I've said it a million times, but…how? How can stores get away with it? Why would they even try? Do we have any law people in here? If one were to say, eat the Pokemon Pasta and get very, very ill…would they have a case against those who sold it? I'm not working up to a punch line here — I really am curious.

Okay, gonna get to work on the next article — should be a fun one. Meantime, see if either of these descriptions get your memories flowing. I'm trying to remember the names of/get information on a couple of toys I distinctly recall owning and loving…

1) Worms-in-a-briefcase. May possibly be the very first toy I ever picked out for myself by myself, so we're probably looking at something that came out between 1982-1985. They were, as I recall, sets of two life-sized rubber worm figures in various bright colors that came packed in tiny plastic briefcases. I'm dying to know the name of these. Pretty sure they used to be on sale near the register at KB.

2) This one's a bit tougher — I won it using casino arcade points in Wildwood when I was a kid. It was sort of like a giant, souped up Madball — let's say basketball sized, with a pull-string that activated its electronic voice. May have had a few other "action" capabilities. Was very colorful and very ugly.

Any ideas? Anyone?

Man, I never thought I would have gotten first post in my life.

I am so honored I am at a loss for words. This, This is truly an event unheralded in my life. Sorta like when I got on my knees and held a brand new VHS copy of Transformers the movie while working at Blockbuster. *sigh* Good times. Anyway, today at the local flea market mall, I went inside the antique shop. It was a virtual X-E paradise. Hard to say what the crown jewel might have been, considering they had an 8-track of Seasame Street boogie as well as Dorothy Hammil clothing in box for barbie dolls. Quite a place really.

Shoulda said got on my knees and held Transformers high over my head. Damn euphoria of being the first (and now second) post on the board.

Hey Matt, have you ever thought about making X-E merchandise? T-shirts and stuff like that would be rad. I'd make my own, but I'm a talentless loser.

I have a 15 year old jar of Marshmallow Fluff that is still sealed, and looks quite nasty. The only dig. camera I have is my phone, so I can't open the jar until I get a better camera, but damn!! That shit looks nasty, yellow, and pus-like indeed!! My g/f thought I was nuts, but I was so excited to find that jar, I put my hands in the air and waved 'em like I just didn't care…except I DID care!! Not really going anywhere with this, but old food gets me excited…if Matt can dig it, so can I.

This may sound like an odd question, but do you keep the old food that you've displayed on your site once you open it? The nerdy collector-type in me winces when I see you open all of these ancient boxes/cans/bottles/etc. and I'm sure you could make a killing by selling some of your stuff.

Maybe you could have a case Matt if you ate it and got ill. People can sue for anything nowadays, but this would be a legit claim. Though, maybe you just turn into a Pokemon through comsumption. Like, you would become Mattachu with the power of projectile vomit and neon lightning diarrhea attack.

I still have my rude ralph. pull his eyeball, get fart, spit, and belch sound. The fucker still works.
Man I love him and am glad he is still mine. "lost" him for a long time only to find him in my mothers house just sitting out waiting for me. Seems she found him.
Used to crown my old clothes leaf stuffed dummies for Halloween. Better than any mask with gumball eyeball eyes.

Sadly, I don't remember C-3PO's at all, I think I was too busy being a 4 year old girl and ewwing at 'boy stuff'.

I'm at work so I can't download the commercial, but in the sixth photo down (the one showing R2-D2 and C-3PO in the spaceship/photolab), is Threepio wearing pleated slacks?

I remember that Pokemon pasta, it was based on the same pasta as Heinz/Libby's Ghostbusters back in the 80's or 90's, in turn based on Zoodles. Even today I love a hot bowl of Zoodles, mmm.

NOW THAT'S AN X-E ARTICLE. The best one's are those that encapsulate the melancholy that goes along with nostalgia. That is why your Halloween and Christmas editions mean so much to your readers. Since everyone was doing movie quotes, here is one for this feeling. Sick Boy and Renton in TRAINSPOTTING reflecting on the later albums of some bands and Sick Boy says "Even though you tell yourself the new stuff isn't bad, in your heart you know it's just shit." That's what nostalgia is. It is always slightly bittersweet. There almost has to be a slight hint of depression that comes with every pleasant recollection because you KNOW that that/those time(s) are over. Cartoons, holidays, toys, Disney World, and all other things that XE covers are all revisited trying to capture some of that old magic and to reminisence with the like minded. Sometimes you get some of that old feeling, often you don't. HOWEVER, this article shows a lot of maturity in that it recognizes this underlying theme of sadness. Matt knows it is not the same but it is still "okay to pretend."

Maybe I am overanalyzing, maybe it's because I am about to be a dad any day now (I'm 25), maybe it's because most of my posts are too short that I wrote this disertation.

Sorry if I depressed anyone. I just thought it was an article that showed a lot of growth for XE. Now, I am off to enjoy my Boo Berry.

Yikes, I really hope you don't eat those Pokemon pastas. You could get Deademon from that.. (darn, laugh track must be broken)
I would guess that there must be something in the way of laws against selling expired food.. shit with all you've dug up over the years you could be very rich Matt.. verrrry rich indeed!

Did anyone else notice how at least four of the images are secret links to pictures made in Paint?

Don't know either one of those toys. Man, C-3POs… how awesome to get a sealed box of the good stuff. Can't wait for monday's article…

I think the second toy is a Rude Ralph. I remember those worms, damned if I can remember what they were called.

Z-Man — yup, just checked, you're right. Thanks! Been trying to track this one down forever.

If you want to enjoy C-3PO's today, pick up a box of the Winnie the Pooh cereal "Hunny B's"! They're the same thing! Huzzah!

I remember those worms. I had those worms. I have no idea what those worms were called. I miss those worms. Aah, those worms.

On a note related to Pokemon pasta, a friend of mine once found Jurassic Park Zoodles. In 2001. Keeping in mind, the marketing blitz for that movie was in 1993 (maybe 1992). This is what happens when really small Saskatchewan farm towns stock promotional items that locals won't understand.

The first C3PO's article has what I still consider to be one of the funniest bits on this entire site:

Evazan: I have the death sentence…on twelve systems!
Lak Sirvak: Yeah? Well, I make cars out of pieces of cereal.
Evazan: Really? Cereal pieces are pretty fragile, you know.
Lak Sirvak: I'll be careful then.
Evazan: YOU'LL BE DEAD!

Also, Matt, please tell me you got my email. I have an hour and forty minutes of pure, jaw-droppingly awesome gold ready to send.

Also, all this Star-Wars-themed food talk reminded me of a very short-lived snack food of the late '70s/early '80s with the self-explanatory name of Cheddar Triangles. What I remember most was that the commercial was a complete ripoff of the Star Wars franchise. There was two men, one blond and relatively clean-cut, the other a little crisp around the edges, cynical, swashbuckling even; some vague robot type; and they were sitting in a tavern full of aliens while weird alien pop music was playing in the background. Does any of this ring a bell?

I have to think that was a pretty expensive effort… but I guess still cheaper than getting licensed by George Lucas.

Manimal has it spot on, Matt. The mix of nostalgia and realizing you can revisit old times but can't go back in this article was *awesome*. What a great mix of humor and something a bit deeper! This might be my favorite article in my 3-4 year span of reading X-E.

Matt, that rox so hard RE: cereal!Howdy! Hey, manimal, yeah there's something to be said about acknoledging the bitter, but hey, i'm 28, married, and i'm still alive. Yeah, the eighties had a lot of good times, some bad shit happened back then too, my dad died back in 1983, 3 days b4 my 7th bday, that jacked my world pretty bad. and you can say that they're gone, but thanks to emulation and x-entertainment, and all the cool thrift shoppes and remakes of the good stuff, you can't go wrong man. Enjoy. Go ahead, buy some toys, watch that cartoon, play those games, Life's too short. If you give in to the bitter, and think that happiness and enjoyment cannot exist, then it's the sith that win, right? The ghost monsters win? The Decepticons win? No Way.

Matt + Old Food = Pure Hilarity. I especially like it when it's gone rancid and you, or you projecting through action figures, go on about how nasty it is.

C3PO's were by far my favorite. I'm surprised they didn't re-release them with the new movies

As long as the expiration date is printed on the can, you can't effectively sue over it making you sick. If it isn't, you might have a case.

Something to look into - Ghost Busters cereal. It was a favorite in my house and often had a cool hologram on the box.

Hrm, interesting. I had always assumed that the cereal was called "C3POs" but it's actually "C3PO's." As in possessive. This means the cereal has no name other than to indicate its ownership by C3P0. No wonder the bits don't look anything like C3P0. One more childhood disappointment explained.

Anyway, it was certainly nice of C3P0 to share his rather nasty-tasting cereal with all us youngsters.

Wow, this is weird. That Rude Ralph toy reminded me of the Boglin I had when I was little (and still have in awesome condition) The thing is, I couldn't remember what they were called. I was thinking Goblin, but I guess that was my dislexia kicking in… So, I did a search for Goblin puppets or something, and what pops up? An article Matt wrote about the Boglins back in 2000!

Weird.

Hey Matt, check out the nutritional information panel that you scanned. At the bottom is a blurb about how you can write to Kellogg's and complain if you are unhappy with the quality of their product. I am sure you don't want to cut up the box (I wouldn't), but maybe you can scan the box top and send a copy of that. Write to them and complain about how stale their cereal was when you bought it, or make something up as if you just bought it. You could do that with the Pokemon pasta too. Ok, this is dumb, but I know a dork like me would find their reply hilarious. By the way, why did you take the cereal out? A sealed box of the stuff is probably work a lot of money.

I liked the old Garfield lasagna canned pasta. And Sir Chomps-A-Lot, those tiny little raviolis. But the best canned pasta memory is of course the old Feed the Need commercials. I just couldn't get enough of those. I really should go through my tapes and get the whole "series" captured. I was going around saying "Mmm! Beefy!" for hours a day.

The madball thing may have been called Rotten Ralph. Me and my broither both had one when we were kids and I was recently very stoked to find one in my guirlfriends room. Red hair and the pullstring had an eye on the end?

You ate 21 year old cereal? I don't know, Matt, that's pretty impressive, but Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka and his fiancee, Megan, recently ate salsa with an alleged expiration date of June 6^th, 1963, over 41 years ago. I'm thinking, though, that, while I'm not accusing "Lowtax" of faking anything, and while I'm sure that salsa was fairly old, it may be from a cottage salsa operation that washed and re-used old jars, so, while the expiration tag is legit, it may be from what was in the jar before the salsa. Not that I'm suggesting that you and SomethingAwful.com should get into a cold war, seeing who can eat the food longest past its expiration date. I'm just mentioning it because that SA article seemed very much like something you'd write.

I don't know if they had this in the United States, but, in 1999, Heinz marketed Sailor Moon spaghetti in Canada. (The photo is from approximately April, 1999.) My mother bought it for me, since I love Sailor Moon, but I couldn't bear eating her, even in spaghetti form, though my father finally consumed the Sailor Senshi (Sailor Scouts) last year when he was out of regular Heinz spaghetti.

in the 84 movie "runaway" (written and directed by michael crichton and starring tom selleck) there is a kitchen scene in which a real, live box of C3POs can be spotted on the counter top. try not to pay attention to that big hairy thing on toms face and don't blink; it's easy enough to spot.

That lonely web spirit named Topher is the shit. His extensive coverage of cereals and the characters that pitched them is quite impressive. Because of his site I was able to AMAZE my friends by telling them when certain marshmallos were introduced in Lucky Charms (never was a fan of the red balloons). I also was able to stump my friends by asking to name all the monsters from the monster cereals. Of course they never mentioned Fruit Brute or Yummy Mummy (even though the mummy had a brief comeback in the late 80's i believe). Heh, yeah maybe i am being a sarcastic bastard but i'm not being 100% sarcastic….
Sadly enough I never was able to try C-3P0's but i'm sure they were delicious……..

By now means am I suggesting anyone stop enjoying the old stuff. Just bought a 1984 GO-BOTS book today at the local "antique" store (2 bucks, how could I resist?). Just trying to point out some nuance. Also, it is not so much about things being better or worse as much as how times/feelings/things change.

I am continually impressed by your ability to procure grossly outdated food items. I'm sad I was not around to experience the commercial blitz for Return of the Jedi , so thanks for bringing a little piece of it to me, the home viewer.

You OPENED the box?? Why'd ya do it? Sure it may have stunk, but that might have been the last unopened C3PO's box in the world. NO! IT'S NO LONGER A COLLECTIBLE!! *falls from railing*

As for long-gone food, I'll have to throw in my two cents with "Magic Middles." Keebler used to make them and they were chocolate chip cookies with fudge centers. They were good times twelve. I can't eat 'em anymore now…

Yes, there is a cookie sold on the market now called "Magic Middles" but it is just using the expired copyright Keebler didn't want. It's not the same cookie.

The Manliest ceral on the planet apparantly, but recently sissified by turning them into cereal bars and the like

Oooh, you can never quite get back that childhood feeling. Not even by writing your own Chia Plots, but it's worth a try…

What's worse is I remember most of it - the parks now covered in weeds, the scrapped show rides in the Marina Glen, the Smartie Train, the Blinkins and Thundercats on TV, running away screaming at the sight of mumra or skeletor - lovely times.

Back when a particular game of My Little Ponies killing Barbie could go on for a week (hey, I hate pink sparkly twinkly people with teeth that go *ting*)or a complicated Safari hunting Big Cats in the back yard could use up a whole weekend… I even had the Lone Ranger's Horse (okay, it wasnt real or anything). I too love XE for that, even though I can't be nostalgic about stuff I've never seen before. We were dodging bombs and apartheid cops and angry militant marchers while you guys played Commadore 64 and ate Boo Berry. At least now we're starting to live a little… and we have (horribly expensive) Mars Bars. **drools**

Anyone remember Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle PIZZA FLAVORED spaghetti or the pizza flavored CHEESE STICKS? Cheese sticks just aren't supposed to be spotted red and have so many spices. They were kinda nasty, but I ate them up anyway, loyal fan that I am. I also remember the TMNT ice cream bars shaped like their faces and was happy to see a Matt review on one of those a few months back!

Man, I distinctly remember the smell & taste of C3PO's when I was a kid. I was about 7 years old when that stuff came out. While my younger sister always ate Gummi Berries or Strawberry Shortcake cereal, I always made sure I had my C3PO's. lol. Between that and Fruity Pebbles, I was good to go. I used to have both the Luke Skywalker and C-3PO cutout masks as well. Thanks for the article, and for allowing me to relive a fond memory from my youth.

Mmm…Magic Middles. Good call, Mars. Keeping with the whole nostalgia track, just thinking of Magic Middles reminds me of watching old movies with my dad on Saturday nights, happily munching on Magic Middles and milk. Yay!

Being alive when the Star Wars movies first came out, I remember when a lot of rip-off product of one type or another infested the short-term pop culture. F'r instance, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups had a ad during their "You got chocolate in my peanut butter!" campaign that used Star Wars-type aliens, robots, and rogue-ish freighter pilots. Notice a preponderance of short, cute robots in the late 70's/early 80's? Star Wars did it! Laser Swords? Star Wars did it! Flying horse change between an Arabian and Appaloosa? Wizard did it!

I have to say that I was reading the article, saw the Luke Skywalker cut out and thought: Wouldn't that be awesome if he scanned it?!
And you did. I was so excited.

You aren't about to get back into a Pokemon fetish again, are you!? If so, then God help X-E. I frickin' hate Pokemon (the thing is, I originally loved them)! Anyway, that pasta reminds of the time when you put up a scan of a coupon for some sort of pasta. I think it accompanied your article on Pac-Man pasta or something like that. The funny thing was, the coupon had no expiration date. In fact, I think it clearly specified that it wouldn't expire. Too bad we can't say the same for the pasta itself.

Aaaaaack! Oh sorry. It's just that that Luke Skywalker mask freaks me out…brings back memories… Wow. Pokemon pasta and C3P0s. That's two nasty old food items in one day. Jeez Matt, I hope you're still alive. I'm sure that stench is potent enough to kill at some certain people. And I'm sure that some certain people are stpid enough to eat it. Either that or they're senile old grandmas or little kids who'll eat anything that has sugar in it, regardless of the fact that it will kill them.

As an avid fan of the 3POs myself I was wondering if anyone had any idea as to the value of the smaller die cast figures that were a send away. I have 15 or so of the things and I thought it was 2 sets because there are some doubles. All are still in there little airtight plastic sleeves and unbroken. If anyone has any info, please email me at andrion36@yahoo.com. Thanks

I wouldn't think they'd be worth enough to make you want to sell them, especially if you've had them your whole life and they aren't a recent find. If you have the mailer box or envelope, add 15 bucks to the value.

Hey, you finally found a box. good for you.

A shame i'm too young to remember them though.

I now feel old, but…I'm not too young to remember them. I would have been the same age as Matt when C3PO's were first on the market, and I recall eating them fairly often, considering my mother seldom bought the expensive, sugar-laden cereals based on popular characters. My mother was a teenager in the 70s, and to this day is a "Star Wars" fan (thought not as big as me). She did everything to pass this on to her daughters, including taking a four and three year old to see "Return of the Jedi" when she was pregnant. We didn't have EVERYTHING, due to lack of funds, but we did our share to add to Lucas' coffers, notably the toys and a book.

I also (quite vaguely) recall the Pokemon pasta - it was another one of those things that came out when I was in college and not paying attention to much else besides grades and my new surroundings, I'm assuming.

So listen. This was a great article but I have a more pressing concern. I just recently unpacked another box of my old Ninja Turtle junk, and therein was a plastic Ninja Turtle-shaped "cookie bank," still shrinkwrapped, full of Delicious (brand) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cookies. Should I leave it shrinkwrapped? Should I open it and trash the cookies? Or should I open it and see how edible the cookies (produced in 1990) still are?

I'd love to have a Turtle Pie right,maybe the best snack ever made with a green crust.

The stuff about Rude Ralph and the worms reminded me of a toy I had as a kid. It was actually a watch, shaped just like a 1980's boom box.
It was huge, and would fall off every time I turned my hand too far an any direction, but I remember thinking it was the coolest thing in the world.
It actually was a function AM radio if you plugged in the headphones and you would spin the CD to change stations.
Anyone else remember this?

I loved that cereal! No one I know ever had it, though, they all think I'm crazy. Now I can prove that while I may, indeed, be crazy, that cereal existed and it was damn good! (Along with my Strawberry Shortcake cereal, of course. ^^) Does anyone remember a cereal shaped like scoops of ice cream and ice cream cones? I can't remember the name, and I've been curious if anyone else ever ate those.

In response to Cat's post. You're referring to 'Ice Cream Cones Cereal'. I distinctly remember that as well. It was delicious. Here's a link containing an article related to that cereal:

Good God that cereal pic made my intestine squeel in terror!
…I'd still eat it anyway.

I have one of those Pokemon pasta cans as a pencil/pen holder, I can even take a picture if anyone wants me to!

1999? Matt, I would've thought that'd be like, fresh, for you by now. Some ideas;
1. Start your own "Exp. date lawsuit club" Kind of like office people's lotto club, where they all pool in money to buy lottery tickets and if they win split it, only everybody looks around their town for expired food, eats it, and if someone gets sick split the settlement (keep your receipt and take photos at the store!).

2. Next time you're at the Dollar Tree or wherever why not ask if it's legal or not to sell this crap; or call up Heinz.

Also, a follow-up to one of your long-ago articles about the Mantis Shrimp. They eat them here in Japan and are common in the supermarket (shako); a little like really tender, bland little shrimp, eaten raw, and weren't that tasty when I tried them. They don't eat the big, aquarium kinds. Just stick with the cup noodles

C3POs were pretty good.
They tasted just like Pro-Stars cereal. I don't know if you had Pro-Stars in the U.S. It was a cereal endorsed by Wayne Gretzky.

I once ate a can of marshmallow fluff that had been open since the early 90's….not a pleasant experience

Oh, that was tasty stuff. I can still practically taste it…..it was such a basic cereal, you'd think it would still be around under some other name. Still have a mask or two someplace.

Today in a supermarket i found a tub of toothpaste with my face on it, best toothpaste EVER!

One of my fondest childhood property tie in cereal related memories has to be sitting around trying to shove the little white marshmallow ghosts into the "fruit" flavoured loops in my "real ghostbusters" cereal in a misguided and ultimately fruitless (damn I'm witty) attempt to recreate the Ghostbusters Logo.

Pokemon pasta? Nahhh. Nothing beats Alphaghetti. I like to spell out the names of people who I dislike and eat them!!! Bahahaha. Cheap therapy.

Heh. I remember finding a whole, unopened case of Mario Brothers "Luigi Berry" (a Blue Berry flavored soda pop starring every ones favorite "B" choice plumber) at odd lots for $5. This was in 1999, mind you. Nasty stuff and it came in a blue/green can with Luigi hopping like an idiot on the side that was half the size of a normal one. I think there's still an unopened can of the stuff at my mother's place. Maybe it'll be worth something some day.

I also got a Ecto-Cooler from a food box the local canned goods place gives out every month to needy families just last year (I hit a rough patch where my work was paying me just enough that my family qualified and we thought "hell, why not? Free food!" It was still good too!

I never tried c-3po cereal, but I'm sad that two of my favorite childhood cereals, Sprinklin Spanglins and some sort of treasure cereal (a mix of plain corn pieces and corn pieces containing different fruit flavors) haven't been made for years.

I remember C-3PO's. There were top on my list too. Here is hoping for a Epidode 3 re-release.

I'm sorry, but in the picture of the pasta, the sauce did not look "milky", as you described it. Was it, perhaps, more about the fluidity of the sauce? Or, more likely, do you just have some really crap lights where you live?

scary… I've actually got about five cans of pokepasta floating around.. Heinz only sells it's 'spaghettios' in Canada, so being in the US I had to get it on eBay (it was a penny!) (and then we found some at a christmas tree shop two years later..) one of the cans leaked all over everything.. the tomato sauce ate through the can…

Never had the Pokemon pasta but I use to go ga-ga over Sonic the Hedgehog pasta, back when the *good* SatAM show was on and the comics were just getting started. I still can't figure out why C-3PO's are 8-shaped, shouldn't they be Cheerios-shaped just like that thing on his stomach?

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