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01/15/2005: C-3P0’s Cereal & Pokemon Pasta!

I managed to snatch a sealed box of C-3P0’s Cereal from 1984, so even though I already did an article on the stuff a few years ago, this latest development seemed like enough of a reason to praise the power of the rehash. It’s a giant look at a very special Star Wars breakfast, including a full-sized scan of the creepy Luke Skywalker mask printed on the box. Enjoy.

Actually just got back from Atlantic City a few hours ago. Lost big, but only to the point of a one week depression as opposed to the six weeks that came after my last visit. The machines were ruthlessly cold, and even if the tables were luckier, I fucked up every time I sat at one and eventually gave up. I just couldn’t grasp the nuances of when to pick up cards, how to pick up cards, when to throw the chips, so on and so forth. It was like trying to wing sign language.

Right before we left, we hit the boardwalk at my urging so I could check out the decrepit souvenir shops for old crap. Couldn’t hit shit in the casinos, but nailed a jackpot in the shops — the next article (hopefully active on Monday afternoon — I have off because I strongly support MLK) features one collection of finds, but I took home all sorts of great stuff. One of the 99 cent stores was stocked with Rambo action figure accessory packs from 1985, and that’s just the tip. In the bowels of the very same store, I found these…

Heinz Pokemon Pasta! The cans are from 1999, but even so, they were some of the least offensively old food products found in the store. They’re from Pokemon’s boom period, with six characters (chosen seemingly at random) represented as pasta shapes in milky tomato sauce I know I’ve said it a million times, but…how? How can stores get away with it? Why would they even try? Do we have any law people in here? If one were to say, eat the Pokemon Pasta and get very, very ill…would they have a case against those who sold it? I’m not working up to a punch line here — I really am curious.

Okay, gonna get to work on the next article — should be a fun one. Meantime, see if either of these descriptions get your memories flowing. I’m trying to remember the names of/get information on a couple of toys I distinctly recall owning and loving…

1) Worms-in-a-briefcase. May possibly be the very first toy I ever picked out for myself by myself, so we’re probably looking at something that came out between 1982-1985. They were, as I recall, sets of two life-sized rubber worm figures in various bright colors that came packed in tiny plastic briefcases. I’m dying to know the name of these. Pretty sure they used to be on sale near the register at KB.

2) This one’s a bit tougher — I won it using casino arcade points in Wildwood when I was a kid. It was sort of like a giant, souped up Madball — let’s say basketball sized, with a pull-string that activated its electronic voice. May have had a few other “action” capabilities. Was very colorful and very ugly.

Any ideas? Anyone?


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 96 comments

Man, I never thought I would have gotten first post in my life. :) I am so honored I am at a loss for words. This, This is truly an event unheralded in my life. Sorta like when I got on my knees and held a brand new VHS copy of Transformers the movie while working at Blockbuster. *sigh* Good times. Anyway, today at the local flea market mall, I went inside the antique shop. It was a virtual X-E paradise. Hard to say what the crown jewel might have been, considering they had an 8-track of Seasame Street boogie as well as Dorothy Hammil clothing in box for barbie dolls. Quite a place really.

Ghosted by Ed @ 01/15/2005 11:54 PM EST


Shoulda said got on my knees and held Transformers high over my head. Damn euphoria of being the first (and now second) post on the board.

Ghosted by Ed @ 01/15/2005 11:56 PM EST


Don’t know either one of those toys. Man, C-3POs… how awesome to get a sealed box of the good stuff. Can’t wait for monday’s article…

Ghosted by Chilipeppers @ 01/16/2005 12:13 PM EST


I think the second toy is a Rude Ralph. I remember those worms, damned if I can remember what they were called.

Ghosted by Z-Man @ 01/16/2005 12:42 PM EST


mmm…pikaghettios

Ghosted by Mara @ 01/16/2005 12:44 PM EST


Z-Man — yup, just checked, you’re right. Thanks! Been trying to track this one down forever.

Ghosted by Matt @ 01/16/2005 12:54 PM EST


Nope problem, oh yeah, the worms were called "A Bad Case of Worms"

Ghosted by Z-Man @ 01/16/2005 12:56 PM EST


AHHHHHHHHHHH! Finally!

Ghosted by Matt @ 01/16/2005 12:57 PM EST


Hey Matt, have you ever thought about making X-E merchandise? T-shirts and stuff like that would be rad. I’d make my own, but I’m a talentless loser. :(

Ghosted by Hayama @ 01/16/2005 1:52 AM EST


Top 10?

I have a 15 year old jar of Marshmallow Fluff that is still sealed, and looks quite nasty. The only dig. camera I have is my phone, so I can’t open the jar until I get a better camera, but damn!! That shit looks nasty, yellow, and pus-like indeed!! My g/f thought I was nuts, but I was so excited to find that jar, I put my hands in the air and waved ‘em like I just didn’t care…except I DID care!! Not really going anywhere with this, but old food gets me excited…if Matt can dig it, so can I.

Ghosted by kidneyboy @ 01/16/2005 2:06 AM EST


Matt,

This may sound like an odd question, but do you keep the old food that you’ve displayed on your site once you open it? The nerdy collector-type in me winces when I see you open all of these ancient boxes/cans/bottles/etc. and I’m sure you could make a killing by selling some of your stuff.

Ghosted by Brian @ 01/16/2005 2:12 AM EST


Super Mario Kraft Macaroni and Cheese > Pokepasta = eating a shoe

Maybe you could have a case Matt if you ate it and got ill. People can sue for anything nowadays, but this would be a legit claim. Though, maybe you just turn into a Pokemon through comsumption. Like, you would become Mattachu with the power of projectile vomit and neon lightning diarrhea attack.

Ghosted by Dr. Acula @ 01/16/2005 2:13 AM EST


I still have my rude ralph. pull his eyeball, get fart, spit, and belch sound. The fucker still works.
Man I love him and am glad he is still mine. "lost" him for a long time only to find him in my mothers house just sitting out waiting for me. Seems she found him.
Used to crown my old clothes leaf stuffed dummies for Halloween. Better than any mask with gumball eyeball eyes.

Ghosted by spooky @ 01/16/2005 4:43 AM EST


I think that’s why Ash(see what I did there ;) ) cut off his hand.

He had a bad bowl of Pokemon Pasta and went insane.

Squirtle 1,Bruce 0.

Ghosted by Adam @ 01/16/2005 5:09 AM EST


Do you play Star Wars Galaxies? If not.. you should :)

Sadly, I don’t remember C-3PO’s at all, I think I was too busy being a 4 year old girl and ewwing at ‘boy stuff’.

Ghosted by Jess @ 01/16/2005 7:09 AM EST


I’m at work so I can’t download the commercial, but in the sixth photo down (the one showing R2-D2 and C-3PO in the spaceship/photolab), is Threepio wearing pleated slacks?

Ghosted by Tony R. @ 01/16/2005 8:59 AM EST


I think it’s an apron.

I remember that Pokemon pasta, it was based on the same pasta as Heinz/Libby’s Ghostbusters back in the 80’s or 90’s, in turn based on Zoodles. Even today I love a hot bowl of Zoodles, mmm.

Ghosted by Ickbug @ 01/16/2005 9:26 AM EST


NOW THAT’S AN X-E ARTICLE. The best one’s are those that encapsulate the melancholy that goes along with nostalgia. That is why your Halloween and Christmas editions mean so much to your readers. Since everyone was doing movie quotes, here is one for this feeling. Sick Boy and Renton in TRAINSPOTTING reflecting on the later albums of some bands and Sick Boy says "Even though you tell yourself the new stuff isn’t bad, in your heart you know it’s just shit." That’s what nostalgia is. It is always slightly bittersweet. There almost has to be a slight hint of depression that comes with every pleasant recollection because you KNOW that that/those time(s) are over. Cartoons, holidays, toys, Disney World, and all other things that XE covers are all revisited trying to capture some of that old magic and to reminisence with the like minded. Sometimes you get some of that old feeling, often you don’t. HOWEVER, this article shows a lot of maturity in that it recognizes this underlying theme of sadness. Matt knows it is not the same but it is still "okay to pretend."

Maybe I am overanalyzing, maybe it’s because I am about to be a dad any day now (I’m 25), maybe it’s because most of my posts are too short that I wrote this disertation.

Sorry if I depressed anyone. I just thought it was an article that showed a lot of growth for XE. Now, I am off to enjoy my Boo Berry.

Ghosted by manimal789 @ 01/16/2005 10:09 AM EST


Yikes, I really hope you don’t eat those Pokemon pastas. You could get Deademon from that.. (darn, laugh track must be broken)
I would guess that there must be something in the way of laws against selling expired food.. shit with all you’ve dug up over the years you could be very rich Matt.. verrrry rich indeed!

Ghosted by Cyanyde @ 01/16/2005 11:06 AM EST


Did anyone else notice how at least four of the images are secret links to pictures made in Paint?

Ghosted by Lurky @ 01/16/2005 12:10 PM EST


great pics!

Ghosted by dfdfgdfg @ 01/16/2005 12:20 PM EST


Darth Tater was on my local news last night.

Ghosted by ME @ 01/16/2005 12:33 PM EST


If you want to enjoy C-3PO’s today, pick up a box of the Winnie the Pooh cereal "Hunny B’s"! They’re the same thing! Huzzah!

Ghosted by KMC @ 01/16/2005 2:07 PM EST


I remember those worms. I had those worms. I have no idea what those worms were called. I miss those worms. Aah, those worms.

On a note related to Pokemon pasta, a friend of mine once found Jurassic Park Zoodles. In 2001. Keeping in mind, the marketing blitz for that movie was in 1993 (maybe 1992). This is what happens when really small Saskatchewan farm towns stock promotional items that locals won’t understand.

So how’s the fish tank these days Matt?

Ghosted by Sean @ 01/16/2005 2:13 PM EST


The first C3PO’s article has what I still consider to be one of the funniest bits on this entire site:

Evazan: I have the death sentence…on twelve systems!
Lak Sirvak: Yeah? Well, I make cars out of pieces of cereal.
Evazan: Really? Cereal pieces are pretty fragile, you know.
Lak Sirvak: I’ll be careful then.
Evazan: YOU’LL BE DEAD!

Also, Matt, please tell me you got my email. I have an hour and forty minutes of pure, jaw-droppingly awesome gold ready to send.

Ghosted by Gavok @ 01/16/2005 2:14 PM EST


The kid in the C3PO’s spot looks like a young George W. Bush.

Also, all this Star-Wars-themed food talk reminded me of a very short-lived snack food of the late ’70s/early ’80s with the self-explanatory name of Cheddar Triangles. What I remember most was that the commercial was a complete ripoff of the Star Wars franchise. There was two men, one blond and relatively clean-cut, the other a little crisp around the edges, cynical, swashbuckling even; some vague robot type; and they were sitting in a tavern full of aliens while weird alien pop music was playing in the background. Does any of this ring a bell?

I have to think that was a pretty expensive effort… but I guess still cheaper than getting licensed by George Lucas.

Ghosted by John Praxle @ 01/16/2005 2:31 PM EST


Manimal has it spot on, Matt. The mix of nostalgia and realizing you can revisit old times but can’t go back in this article was *awesome*. What a great mix of humor and something a bit deeper! This might be my favorite article in my 3-4 year span of reading X-E.

Ghosted by VeganMike @ 01/16/2005 2:36 PM EST


Matt, that rox so hard RE: cereal!Howdy! Hey, manimal, yeah there’s something to be said about acknoledging the bitter, but hey, i’m 28, married, and i’m still alive. Yeah, the eighties had a lot of good times, some bad shit happened back then too, my dad died back in 1983, 3 days b4 my 7th bday, that jacked my world pretty bad. and you can say that they’re gone, but thanks to emulation and x-entertainment, and all the cool thrift shoppes and remakes of the good stuff, you can’t go wrong man. Enjoy. Go ahead, buy some toys, watch that cartoon, play those games, Life’s too short. If you give in to the bitter, and think that happiness and enjoyment cannot exist, then it’s the sith that win, right? The ghost monsters win? The Decepticons win? No Way.

Ghosted by Obelisk @ 01/16/2005 2:37 PM EST


I used to eat that when I was little. It was good stuff.

Ghosted by Pigleg @ 01/16/2005 3:07 PM EST


Matt + Old Food = Pure Hilarity. I especially like it when it’s gone rancid and you, or you projecting through action figures, go on about how nasty it is.

Ghosted by Freezair @ 01/16/2005 3:23 PM EST


C3PO’s were by far my favorite. I’m surprised they didn’t re-release them with the new movies

Ghosted by Mike @ 01/16/2005 3:36 PM EST


gota catch em all

Ghosted by spliner is a rat @ 01/16/2005 3:52 PM EST


As long as the expiration date is printed on the can, you can’t effectively sue over it making you sick. If it isn’t, you might have a case.

Ghosted by RewolfJ @ 01/16/2005 4:04 PM EST


There is no exp date. Guess I’m gonna be rich!

Ghosted by Matt @ 01/16/2005 4:09 PM EST


Something to look into – Ghost Busters cereal. It was a favorite in my house and often had a cool hologram on the box.

Ghosted by Matt @ 01/16/2005 4:37 PM EST


Hrm, interesting. I had always assumed that the cereal was called "C3POs" but it’s actually "C3PO’s." As in possessive. This means the cereal has no name other than to indicate its ownership by C3P0. No wonder the bits don’t look anything like C3P0. One more childhood disappointment explained.

Anyway, it was certainly nice of C3P0 to share his rather nasty-tasting cereal with all us youngsters.

Ghosted by Josh @ 01/16/2005 4:39 PM EST


Great article, Matt.

BTW, you’ve dated the Q*Bert and 3PO articles 2004 on the main page.

Ghosted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 01/16/2005 5:05 PM EST


Wow, this is weird. That Rude Ralph toy reminded me of the Boglin I had when I was little (and still have in awesome condition) The thing is, I couldn’t remember what they were called. I was thinking Goblin, but I guess that was my dislexia kicking in… So, I did a search for Goblin puppets or something, and what pops up? An article Matt wrote about the Boglins back in 2000! :D Weird.

Ghosted by Ryane @ 01/16/2005 5:46 PM EST


Hey Matt, check out the nutritional information panel that you scanned. At the bottom is a blurb about how you can write to Kellogg’s and complain if you are unhappy with the quality of their product. I am sure you don’t want to cut up the box (I wouldn’t), but maybe you can scan the box top and send a copy of that. Write to them and complain about how stale their cereal was when you bought it, or make something up as if you just bought it. You could do that with the Pokemon pasta too. Ok, this is dumb, but I know a dork like me would find their reply hilarious. By the way, why did you take the cereal out? A sealed box of the stuff is probably work a lot of money.

Ghosted by Destro @ 01/16/2005 5:47 PM EST


I liked the old Garfield lasagna canned pasta. And Sir Chomps-A-Lot, those tiny little raviolis. But the best canned pasta memory is of course the old Feed the Need commercials. I just couldn’t get enough of those. I really should go through my tapes and get the whole "series" captured. I was going around saying "Mmm! Beefy!" for hours a day.

Ghosted by Mystie @ 01/16/2005 6:34 PM EST


The madball thing may have been called Rotten Ralph. Me and my broither both had one when we were kids and I was recently very stoked to find one in my guirlfriends room. Red hair and the pullstring had an eye on the end?

Ghosted by Angry Hoolio @ 01/16/2005 6:43 PM EST


The madball, not my girlfriend!

Ghosted by Angry Hoolio @ 01/16/2005 6:44 PM EST


You ate 21 year old cereal? I don’t know, Matt, that’s pretty impressive, but Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka and his fiancee, Megan, recently ate salsa with an alleged expiration date of June 6th, 1963, over 41 years ago. I’m thinking, though, that, while I’m not accusing "Lowtax" of faking anything, and while I’m sure that salsa was fairly old, it may be from a cottage salsa operation that washed and re-used old jars, so, while the expiration tag is legit, it may be from what was in the jar before the salsa. Not that I’m suggesting that you and SomethingAwful.com should get into a cold war, seeing who can eat the food longest past its expiration date. I’m just mentioning it because that SA article seemed very much like something you’d write.

I don’t know if they had this in the United States, but, in 1999, Heinz marketed Sailor Moon spaghetti in Canada. (The photo is from approximately April, 1999.) My mother bought it for me, since I love Sailor Moon, but I couldn’t bear eating her, even in spaghetti form, though my father finally consumed the Sailor Senshi (Sailor Scouts) last year when he was out of regular Heinz spaghetti.

Ghosted by Steve Brandon @ 01/16/2005 7:14 PM EST


(i hope i’m remembering this one right)

in the 84 movie "runaway" (written and directed by michael crichton and starring tom selleck) there is a kitchen scene in which a real, live box of C3POs can be spotted on the counter top. try not to pay attention to that big hairy thing on toms face and don’t blink; it’s easy enough to spot.

Ghosted by muhasoldia @ 01/16/2005 7:38 PM EST


That lonely web spirit named Topher is the shit. His extensive coverage of cereals and the characters that pitched them is quite impressive. Because of his site I was able to AMAZE my friends by telling them when certain marshmallos were introduced in Lucky Charms (never was a fan of the red balloons). I also was able to stump my friends by asking to name all the monsters from the monster cereals. Of course they never mentioned Fruit Brute or Yummy Mummy (even though the mummy had a brief comeback in the late 80’s i believe). Heh, yeah maybe i am being a sarcastic bastard but i’m not being 100% sarcastic….
Sadly enough I never was able to try C-3P0’s but i’m sure they were delicious……..

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 01/16/2005 7:52 PM EST


Obelisk,

By now means am I suggesting anyone stop enjoying the old stuff. Just bought a 1984 GO-BOTS book today at the local "antique" store (2 bucks, how could I resist?). Just trying to point out some nuance. Also, it is not so much about things being better or worse as much as how times/feelings/things change. :)

Ghosted by manimal789 @ 01/16/2005 9:40 PM EST


Obviously that first "now" should be a no. D’OH!

Ghosted by manimal789 @ 01/16/2005 9:51 PM EST


I have to say that I was reading the article, saw the Luke Skywalker cut out and thought: Wouldn’t that be awesome if he scanned it?!
And you did. I was so excited.

You rock.

Ghosted by Clay @ 01/17/2005 12:19 PM EST


Matt,

You aren’t about to get back into a Pokemon fetish again, are you!? If so, then God help X-E. I frickin’ hate Pokemon (the thing is, I originally loved them)! Anyway, that pasta reminds of the time when you put up a scan of a coupon for some sort of pasta. I think it accompanied your article on Pac-Man pasta or something like that. The funny thing was, the coupon had no expiration date. In fact, I think it clearly specified that it wouldn’t expire. Too bad we can’t say the same for the pasta itself.

Aaaaaack! Oh sorry. It’s just that that Luke Skywalker mask freaks me out…brings back memories… Wow. Pokemon pasta and C3P0s. That’s two nasty old food items in one day. Jeez Matt, I hope you’re still alive. I’m sure that stench is potent enough to kill at some certain people. And I’m sure that some certain people are stpid enough to eat it. Either that or they’re senile old grandmas or little kids who’ll eat anything that has sugar in it, regardless of the fact that it will kill them.

Ghosted by Nate @ 01/17/2005 12:37 PM EST


Pokemon pasta? I’d eat it! Well, as long as Snorlax made the cut..

Ghosted by Brian @ 01/17/2005 2:31 AM EST


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