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01/15/2005: C-3P0’s Cereal & Pokemon Pasta!

I managed to snatch a sealed box of C-3P0’s Cereal from 1984, so even though I already did an article on the stuff a few years ago, this latest development seemed like enough of a reason to praise the power of the rehash. It’s a giant look at a very special Star Wars breakfast, including a full-sized scan of the creepy Luke Skywalker mask printed on the box. Enjoy.

Actually just got back from Atlantic City a few hours ago. Lost big, but only to the point of a one week depression as opposed to the six weeks that came after my last visit. The machines were ruthlessly cold, and even if the tables were luckier, I fucked up every time I sat at one and eventually gave up. I just couldn’t grasp the nuances of when to pick up cards, how to pick up cards, when to throw the chips, so on and so forth. It was like trying to wing sign language.

Right before we left, we hit the boardwalk at my urging so I could check out the decrepit souvenir shops for old crap. Couldn’t hit shit in the casinos, but nailed a jackpot in the shops — the next article (hopefully active on Monday afternoon — I have off because I strongly support MLK) features one collection of finds, but I took home all sorts of great stuff. One of the 99 cent stores was stocked with Rambo action figure accessory packs from 1985, and that’s just the tip. In the bowels of the very same store, I found these…

Heinz Pokemon Pasta! The cans are from 1999, but even so, they were some of the least offensively old food products found in the store. They’re from Pokemon’s boom period, with six characters (chosen seemingly at random) represented as pasta shapes in milky tomato sauce I know I’ve said it a million times, but…how? How can stores get away with it? Why would they even try? Do we have any law people in here? If one were to say, eat the Pokemon Pasta and get very, very ill…would they have a case against those who sold it? I’m not working up to a punch line here — I really am curious.

Okay, gonna get to work on the next article — should be a fun one. Meantime, see if either of these descriptions get your memories flowing. I’m trying to remember the names of/get information on a couple of toys I distinctly recall owning and loving…

1) Worms-in-a-briefcase. May possibly be the very first toy I ever picked out for myself by myself, so we’re probably looking at something that came out between 1982-1985. They were, as I recall, sets of two life-sized rubber worm figures in various bright colors that came packed in tiny plastic briefcases. I’m dying to know the name of these. Pretty sure they used to be on sale near the register at KB.

2) This one’s a bit tougher — I won it using casino arcade points in Wildwood when I was a kid. It was sort of like a giant, souped up Madball — let’s say basketball sized, with a pull-string that activated its electronic voice. May have had a few other “action” capabilities. Was very colorful and very ugly.

Any ideas? Anyone?


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 96 comments

I am continually impressed by your ability to procure grossly outdated food items. I’m sad I was not around to experience the commercial blitz for Return of the Jedi , so thanks for bringing a little piece of it to me, the home viewer.

Ghosted by Jeeto @ 01/17/2005 3:18 AM EST


You OPENED the box?? Why’d ya do it? Sure it may have stunk, but that might have been the last unopened C3PO’s box in the world. NO! IT’S NO LONGER A COLLECTIBLE!! *falls from railing*

As for long-gone food, I’ll have to throw in my two cents with "Magic Middles." Keebler used to make them and they were chocolate chip cookies with fudge centers. They were good times twelve. I can’t eat ‘em anymore now…

Yes, there is a cookie sold on the market now called "Magic Middles" but it is just using the expired copyright Keebler didn’t want. It’s not the same cookie.

Ghosted by Mars @ 01/17/2005 3:19 AM EST


C3PO’s are alive and well.

they are now Kellogs Nutri-grain.

sold in australia and new zealand.

The Manliest ceral on the planet apparantly, but recently sissified by turning them into cereal bars and the like

all they’ve done is added an extra ‘o’

Ghosted by Kyle From New Zealand @ 01/17/2005 3:20 AM EST


Oooh, you can never quite get back that childhood feeling. Not even by writing your own Chia Plots, but it’s worth a try…

What’s worse is I remember most of it – the parks now covered in weeds, the scrapped show rides in the Marina Glen, the Smartie Train, the Blinkins and Thundercats on TV, running away screaming at the sight of mumra or skeletor – lovely times.

Back when a particular game of My Little Ponies killing Barbie could go on for a week (hey, I hate pink sparkly twinkly people with teeth that go *ting*)or a complicated Safari hunting Big Cats in the back yard could use up a whole weekend… I even had the Lone Ranger’s Horse (okay, it wasnt real or anything). I too love XE for that, even though I can’t be nostalgic about stuff I’ve never seen before. We were dodging bombs and apartheid cops and angry militant marchers while you guys played Commadore 64 and ate Boo Berry. At least now we’re starting to live a little… and we have (horribly expensive) Mars Bars. **drools**

Click on my name for alternative Chia Plots and commentary on Cartoon S&M!

Ghosted by eminentfreakrideshorsesbadly @ 01/17/2005 3:45 AM EST


Wow- wish I could taste C3PO’s- never had ‘em where I live. :(

Anyone remember Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle PIZZA FLAVORED spaghetti or the pizza flavored CHEESE STICKS? Cheese sticks just aren’t supposed to be spotted red and have so many spices. They were kinda nasty, but I ate them up anyway, loyal fan that I am. I also remember the TMNT ice cream bars shaped like their faces and was happy to see a Matt review on one of those a few months back!

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 01/17/2005 8:12 AM EST


The secret link pictures are awesome! Why is everything I type underlined?

Ghosted by Jimbalaya @ 01/17/2005 9:19 AM EST


So I guess it was just underlined while I typed it. Weird.

Ghosted by Jimbalaya @ 01/17/2005 9:21 AM EST


Man, I distinctly remember the smell & taste of C3PO’s when I was a kid. I was about 7 years old when that stuff came out. While my younger sister always ate Gummi Berries or Strawberry Shortcake cereal, I always made sure I had my C3PO’s. lol. Between that and Fruity Pebbles, I was good to go. I used to have both the Luke Skywalker and C-3PO cutout masks as well. Thanks for the article, and for allowing me to relive a fond memory from my youth.

Ghosted by Andy @ 01/17/2005 11:02 AM EST


Mmm…Magic Middles. Good call, Mars. Keeping with the whole nostalgia track, just thinking of Magic Middles reminds me of watching old movies with my dad on Saturday nights, happily munching on Magic Middles and milk. Yay!

Ghosted by purplegirl247 @ 01/17/2005 11:48 AM EST


Being alive when the Star Wars movies first came out, I remember when a lot of rip-off product of one type or another infested the short-term pop culture. F’r instance, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups had a ad during their "You got chocolate in my peanut butter!" campaign that used Star Wars-type aliens, robots, and rogue-ish freighter pilots. Notice a preponderance of short, cute robots in the late 70’s/early 80’s? Star Wars did it! Laser Swords? Star Wars did it! Flying horse change between an Arabian and Appaloosa? Wizard did it!

Ghosted by kingklash @ 01/17/2005 12:17 PM EST


As an avid fan of the 3POs myself I was wondering if anyone had any idea as to the value of the smaller die cast figures that were a send away. I have 15 or so of the things and I thought it was 2 sets because there are some doubles. All are still in there little airtight plastic sleeves and unbroken. If anyone has any info, please email me at andrion36@yahoo.com. Thanks

Ghosted by Travers @ 01/17/2005 2:27 PM EST


I wouldn’t think they’d be worth enough to make you want to sell them, especially if you’ve had them your whole life and they aren’t a recent find. If you have the mailer box or envelope, add 15 bucks to the value.

Ghosted by Matt @ 01/17/2005 2:29 PM EST


does anyone else remember Greed-O’s or Admiral Ackbars Lobster Crunch Balls

Ghosted by dr mindbender @ 01/17/2005 2:49 PM EST


My Alpha-Bits are sending some kind of message! It says: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Ghosted by kingklash- Stays inconsequential, even in milk! @ 01/17/2005 3:37 PM EST


Hey, you finally found a box. good for you. ;) A shame i’m too young to remember them though.

Ghosted by Dragonrider @ 01/17/2005 4:51 PM EST


I now feel old, but…I’m not too young to remember them. I would have been the same age as Matt when C3PO’s were first on the market, and I recall eating them fairly often, considering my mother seldom bought the expensive, sugar-laden cereals based on popular characters. My mother was a teenager in the 70s, and to this day is a "Star Wars" fan (thought not as big as me). She did everything to pass this on to her daughters, including taking a four and three year old to see "Return of the Jedi" when she was pregnant. We didn’t have EVERYTHING, due to lack of funds, but we did our share to add to Lucas’ coffers, notably the toys and a book.

I also (quite vaguely) recall the Pokemon pasta – it was another one of those things that came out when I was in college and not paying attention to much else besides grades and my new surroundings, I’m assuming.

Ghosted by starwenn @ 01/17/2005 5:56 PM EST


That article rocked. Very well written and fun.

Have you really spent all that loot on collecting old cereals?

Ghosted by phake @ 01/17/2005 11:07 PM EST


So listen. This was a great article but I have a more pressing concern. I just recently unpacked another box of my old Ninja Turtle junk, and therein was a plastic Ninja Turtle-shaped "cookie bank," still shrinkwrapped, full of Delicious (brand) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cookies. Should I leave it shrinkwrapped? Should I open it and trash the cookies? Or should I open it and see how edible the cookies (produced in 1990) still are?

Ghosted by Aaron @ 01/17/2005 11:53 PM EST


WTF you didn’t eat any of it? Pussy. Story does not deliver.

Ghosted by Covered in Bees @ 01/18/2005 12:52 PM EST


I’d go with the taste…then a friendly call to your local HMO just to be safe. :)

I’d love to have a Turtle Pie right,maybe the best snack ever made with a green crust.

Ghosted by Adam @ 01/18/2005 10:12 AM EST


My fav pic is C3P0 with the ewoks!

Were the E E E E EEEEEEEEEEwoks

Ghosted by IHAQ @ 01/18/2005 12:21 PM EST


The stuff about Rude Ralph and the worms reminded me of a toy I had as a kid. It was actually a watch, shaped just like a 1980’s boom box.
It was huge, and would fall off every time I turned my hand too far an any direction, but I remember thinking it was the coolest thing in the world.
It actually was a function AM radio if you plugged in the headphones and you would spin the CD to change stations.
Anyone else remember this?

Ghosted by Sweetie @ 01/19/2005 3:11 PM EST


I loved that cereal! No one I know ever had it, though, they all think I’m crazy. Now I can prove that while I may, indeed, be crazy, that cereal existed and it was damn good! (Along with my Strawberry Shortcake cereal, of course. ^^) Does anyone remember a cereal shaped like scoops of ice cream and ice cream cones? I can’t remember the name, and I’ve been curious if anyone else ever ate those.

Ghosted by Cat @ 01/19/2005 6:33 PM EST


In response to Cat’s post. You’re referring to ‘Ice Cream Cones Cereal’. I distinctly remember that as well. It was delicious. Here’s a link containing an article related to that cereal:

http://www.emptybowl.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=303

Ghosted by Andy @ 01/19/2005 10:00 PM EST


who invented the law to sell expired pokemon soup!?

Ghosted by manly man @ 01/19/2005 11:39 PM EST


you copied my name manly man! you
shall pay for that!…….soon

Ghosted by womenly women @ 01/19/2005 11:40 PM EST


Good God that cereal pic made my intestine squeel in terror!
…I’d still eat it anyway.

Ghosted by Alex @ 01/20/2005 2:22 PM EST


I have one of those Pokemon pasta cans as a pencil/pen holder, I can even take a picture if anyone wants me to!

Ghosted by RPharazon @ 01/20/2005 5:44 PM EST


Oh yeah, the can also has french subtitles. Damn Canadian laws….

Ghosted by RPharazon @ 01/20/2005 5:46 PM EST


1999? Matt, I would’ve thought that’d be like, fresh, for you by now. Some ideas;
1. Start your own "Exp. date lawsuit club" Kind of like office people’s lotto club, where they all pool in money to buy lottery tickets and if they win split it, only everybody looks around their town for expired food, eats it, and if someone gets sick split the settlement (keep your receipt and take photos at the store!).

2. Next time you’re at the Dollar Tree or wherever why not ask if it’s legal or not to sell this crap; or call up Heinz.

Also, a follow-up to one of your long-ago articles about the Mantis Shrimp. They eat them here in Japan and are common in the supermarket (shako); a little like really tender, bland little shrimp, eaten raw, and weren’t that tasty when I tried them. They don’t eat the big, aquarium kinds. Just stick with the cup noodles

Ghosted by Krappy Kat @ 01/21/2005 9:31 AM EST


C3POs were pretty good.
They tasted just like Pro-Stars cereal. I don’t know if you had Pro-Stars in the U.S. It was a cereal endorsed by Wayne Gretzky.

Ghosted by Kurt @ 01/21/2005 1:25 PM EST


I once ate a can of marshmallow fluff that had been open since the early 90’s….not a pleasant experience

Ghosted by sexynigelthepharoahwizard @ 01/21/2005 4:19 PM EST


Oh, that was tasty stuff. I can still practically taste it…..it was such a basic cereal, you’d think it would still be around under some other name. Still have a mask or two someplace.

Ghosted by Adam @ 01/21/2005 9:55 PM EST


Today in a supermarket i found a tub of toothpaste with my face on it, best toothpaste EVER!

Ghosted by Skeletor @ 01/24/2005 8:50 PM EST


One of my fondest childhood property tie in cereal related memories has to be sitting around trying to shove the little white marshmallow ghosts into the "fruit" flavoured loops in my "real ghostbusters" cereal in a misguided and ultimately fruitless (damn I’m witty) attempt to recreate the Ghostbusters Logo.

I was easily distracted as a child.

Ghosted by dantewyrmfoe @ 01/25/2005 4:56 AM EST


Pokemon pasta? Nahhh. Nothing beats Alphaghetti. I like to spell out the names of people who I dislike and eat them!!! Bahahaha. Cheap therapy.

Ghosted by O-bli-o. @ 01/27/2005 9:58 PM EST


Heh. I remember finding a whole, unopened case of Mario Brothers "Luigi Berry" (a Blue Berry flavored soda pop starring every ones favorite "B" choice plumber) at odd lots for $5. This was in 1999, mind you. Nasty stuff and it came in a blue/green can with Luigi hopping like an idiot on the side that was half the size of a normal one. I think there’s still an unopened can of the stuff at my mother’s place. Maybe it’ll be worth something some day. :)
I also got a Ecto-Cooler from a food box the local canned goods place gives out every month to needy families just last year (I hit a rough patch where my work was paying me just enough that my family qualified and we thought "hell, why not? Free food!" It was still good too!

Ghosted by Steelabjur @ 01/28/2005 9:46 AM EST


I never tried c-3po cereal, but I’m sad that two of my favorite childhood cereals, Sprinklin Spanglins and some sort of treasure cereal (a mix of plain corn pieces and corn pieces containing different fruit flavors) haven’t been made for years. :(

Ghosted by Anna @ 01/28/2005 11:30 PM EST


I remember C-3PO’s. There were top on my list too. Here is hoping for a Epidode 3 re-release.

Ghosted by Markus @ 02/02/2005 1:35 PM EST


I remember C-3PO’s. There were top on my list too. Here is hoping for a Epidode 3 re-release.

Ghosted by Markus @ 02/02/2005 1:35 PM EST


I’m sorry, but in the picture of the pasta, the sauce did not look "milky", as you described it. Was it, perhaps, more about the fluidity of the sauce? Or, more likely, do you just have some really crap lights where you live?

Ghosted by Vulgaris @ 02/02/2005 4:15 PM EST


i was shocked to see that C-3POs weren’t peddled by RALSTON…bastards.

Ghosted by JPM @ 02/03/2005 12:59 PM EST


scary… I’ve actually got about five cans of pokepasta floating around.. Heinz only sells it’s ’spaghettios’ in Canada, so being in the US I had to get it on eBay (it was a penny!) (and then we found some at a christmas tree shop two years later..) one of the cans leaked all over everything.. the tomato sauce ate through the can…

Ghosted by Joe @ 02/04/2005 8:05 PM EST


Never had the Pokemon pasta but I use to go ga-ga over Sonic the Hedgehog pasta, back when the *good* SatAM show was on and the comics were just getting started. I still can’t figure out why C-3PO’s are 8-shaped, shouldn’t they be Cheerios-shaped just like that thing on his stomach?

Ghosted by Sky Hero Ash @ 09/06/2006 3:17 PM EDT


Did this taste like Honeycomb Cereal? And I’m just curious what the shape of the Cereal is portraying? Is it supposed to be C-3PO Eyes?

Thanks.

Ghosted by Jammer @ 07/08/2009 7:48 PM EDT


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