The Advent and Advert Calendars have been updated, in case ya didn’t notice. Just so you know, I’m probably going to have to rerun old files for the remainder of the week on the Advent – I’m having trouble locating some of my tapes, and with time being such an issue, it’s easiest to consign myself to that than put up nadafinga. On the plus side, I’m pretty sure that those of you with nothing to do on Christmas Eve can stop by the site for a brand new holiday-themed full-length feature article. Yeah. It’s nothing too spectacular, but I didn’t want to have to wait until next Christmas to write about. Here’s a hint: enslaving dreidel.

At just about this time last year, I reviewed Kid Cuisine’s special edition holiday microwave meal – a fun, festive way to eat chicken nuggets and nuked mac & cheese. Though this year’s edition only makes a few cosmetic changes over the previous, I’m confident that anything with snowflake-shaped chicken deserves to be archived. Cheap, unhealthy and filled with all the goodies kids love, Kid Cuisine has spent the past few years really thinking outside the box with their line of heat-zapped fattycakes – whether by incorporating beloved kiddy icons like Shrek or Scooby Doo, or somehow creating mashed potatoes that turn your skin purple, the folks behind this micro-dynasty have finally listened to what we the public have been saying for a millennia: food tastes better when it has play value. Pomegranate, anyone?

The main course consists of a trio of holiday-shaped chicken nuggets, each fashioned like a snowflake or a snowman. It’s becoming rare to find chicken nuggets not shaped like something, so this isn’t exactly a groundbreaking news bit. Course, if we fudge things a bit and consider the snowflake nuggets ninja stars, we’ve just been afforded our first deadly weapon made entirely of chicken. The thought fills me with joy, but it’s just not the Christmassy kind of joy.

Also on hand are green beans, invited to the big eating party so that kids may continue to live by the diet guru mandate which states that we should always leave something on our plate. More interesting is the puddle of macaroni and cheese featuring winterized pasta shapes. I can’t make out what any of them are supposed to be, but the box says they’re wintery and boxes cannot lie. Finally, a pocket of hot pudding is topped with an included handful of colorful candies and sprinkles, transforming the globby mess into the kind of dessert that’ll have you building time machines just so you can eat it twice. The penguin/duck mascot dude is still present on the box, never quacking, but always engaged in some kind of sporting activity with a silly hat on. Available for a limited time only, if you can believe that.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!