Hey hey hey – got some newwww stocking stuffers this past weekend, and I love them to death. The neat thing about this batch? They’re all presented under the literal banner, “Stocking Stuffers.” Sure, you can by similarly conceived toys year round at every pharmacy and junk shop from here to there, but it just feels a little more special under this esteemed team moniker. Each package is shaped like a Christmas ornament, complete with a TO and FROM label on the back. They’re all dirt cheap (most were under two bucks, none were over two bucks), and while nothing special in the grand scheme of gift giving when everyone’s gunning for video games and anything with the word “plasma” in it, they’re some of those little intangibles that make the Christmas season worth Polaroiding. Take a look…

”Santa Putty”
Okay, so everyone has their Silly Putty, and everyone loves their Silly Putty. Is there room for a new spin? Depends on whether you’d classify replacing the classic red container with a Santa-shaped egg a “new spin.” I might, but only because Christmas is all about giving. Santa Putty contains a very lime green glop of goop (think melted saltwater taffy), which isn’t as dynamic as the real shit but is nonetheless pliable enough to stretch from wherever you’re standing to the North Pole, assuming you’re standing within three feet of the North Pole. My love for toy putty notwithstanding, it’s the Santa-shaped egg that really makes this stuff a must-have. It looks like part of a nesting doll set that got separated from all of its cousins and taken in by a sentient pile of radioactive slime. Just another everyday holiday tale.

”Magnetic Top”
Never got into tops. Still can’t figure ‘em out. This particular top, with its chrome blue hues and strangling rope, promises to make every top fan in the country pop erect nipples through their t-shirts. For me, it’s just another thing to chuck at the cats whenever they next decide to paw down my royal card deck castle.

”Bouncy Ball”
More commonly known as “superballs,” these things are literally capable of bouncing out of sight distance if you smack ‘em against the pavement hard enough. Just a wee bit bigger than the mega superballs (the large ones that cost an extra quarter at the vending machines), each weapon of bounce destruction surrounds a holiday-themed figurine. I found Santa Claus, a reindeer and the dude shown above, a happy snowman oblivious to the fact that he’s A) frozen in rubber, B) going to be thrown at hard surfaces, C) not really made of snow. It’s Christmassy enough for me to be moderately excited about, and things like this really boost the holiday ambiance for a kid when it comes time to sift through their loot. Not bad, and cheap!

”Play Dinos”
Say what you will, but I love these. I’ve always been down for a good pack of small dinosaur figures, but the deal becomes all the more special when they’re wrapped in Christmas cheer and presented as stocking stuffers. You get about a dozen or so, carnivores and herbivores of all different (and sometimes odd) colors. My personal favorite is the totally out-of-scale pterodactyl, standing nearly as tall as the T-Rex with a wingspan longer than the included brontosaurus. And, from the way its posed, you know the creature’s really proud of all this. Obviously, tiny dinosaur figures would rank somewhere in the high 70,000s on most wish lists, but you can’t deny how much happier Christmas morning would be with them on hand.

Not a bad haul, aye? Agree or die.