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11/29/2004: Christmas Junk ‘04: The Dino Mega Cruiser!

DINO MEGA CRUISER!

Somehow, the babbling you’re about to read through pertains to the dragon robot dude shown above.

We hit the department stores this past weekend, ostensibly to shop for gifts but really because I try to clock as much time as possible in the retail world during the holiday season. I love it. I love the holly trim all over the stores, the lights, the endless stream of Christmas music playing softly over the speaker system. I love all of it. My love for it is so intense that I’m already getting depressed thinking about how it’ll all be gone in a month.

Sigh.

Anyway, we ended up at K-Mart, which normally isn’t something I’d confess to the web crowd because it just ain’t hip, but go frig yourself – the 7-11 Slurpee hasn’t got shit on K’s Icee. I live in a veritable sea of department stores, from the chic, to the affordable, to the upscale, to K-Mart. I have no clue if this is a running trait amongst all K-Mart stores, but the two within driving distance of our apartment (also the two I grew up knowing) are just…I dunno…sad. I’m not talking about the cleanliness or staff courtesy, though we could speak on either topic at length and have oodles of fun using descriptive adjectives. I’m talking more about the people who shop there, and how without fail, I always leave the store swearing up and down that I’m going to give up my playboy lifestyle to work with old/poor/sick people. I wouldn’t consider myself the type under normal circumstances, but K-Mart really brings it out in you. Let me explain. Please?

So, we’re in K-Mart, and of course, I’m in the toy section. We’d already ransacked the Christmas decorations and spot-checked for any limited edition Kellogg’s cereals enhanced with candy cane shaped marshmallows. I start with the normal boy-toy action figure aisle – toys are hideously overpriced at our K-Mart, but on occasion there’s a nice clearance sale worth looking into. So far, my best score were a pair of Transformers Unicron figures marked down to EIGHT DOLLARS. Really. They were running one of those “half off whatever the tag says” sales, and they were clearing out a horde of Unicron figures in beat up boxes. Strangely, the prices weren’t static from Unicron to Unicron – they had all different prices, and after much searching, I found two in perfect shape going for sixteen bucks a pop. This was already a bargain, but after that final markdown, it was insane plastic heavenly bliss…especially after I ran the things to Toys ‘R” Us for full store credit. It’s okay to damn the man once in a while.

I’m going on many miniature tangents, and for this I apologize. I did have a point, and we’re almost there. And, after that, you’ll get to see a really twisted bootleg Dragonzord thingy. Everyone wins.

After scouring the action figure aisle, I come across a “new” aisle, devoted to generic, knockoff toys for low prices – a Christmas special. This wasn’t the usual collection of crap – most of it was from a company called “Just Kidz,” who’d taken pages from every successful line out there, bought a ton of shitty materials and took classes on how to make bad toys look great in the package. I saw all of these elderly ladies, obviously on a fixed income, just dumbstruck staring at this stuff, not knowing what to buy. It doesn’t sound so bad when I put it on paper, figuratively, but I was completely depressed at the store. Worse yet were the younger mothers sorting through the crap, again, obviously on fixed incomes. Some of them looked positively guilty to be in the “bootleg” aisle, knowing full well that Little Jimmy’s friends at school were all getting Nintendo DS systems and personal robot slaves with boobs. Little Jimmy wouldn’t stand a chance with his Guy Who Vaguely Looks Like Duke figure. Little Jimmy wouldn’t stand a chance at all.

Okay, it’s not really the kids I’m feeling bad for here – it’s their parents. I don’t know why. This probably isn’t as big of a deal to them. The “good” Christmas presents are all so expensive. It’s no secret that action figures, playsets and the like have taken a major backseat to electronics. Video games are the #1 by far, nearly crumbling the entire toy industry under their weight, and there’s zillions of families that just can’t afford to let their kids hop on the trend by buying games, much less systems, much less system after system after system. No, this isn’t the end all, be all sad story – there’s no orphans in a hospital and nobody’s homeless, but you’ve gotta feel for the families that are just struggling to keep up during the holidays.

Even more sad is the fact that we’re too image and brand conscious – children who unwrap something from the “Just Kidz” line are probably gonna stick forks through a Santa doll’s eyes, but really, the toys aren’t that bad. A little on the cheap side and a little misshapen, but not THAT bad. That brings me back to the original purpose of this entry, and in case you’ve forgotten it in the six hours it took to read this far, a reminder:

DINO MEGA CRUISER!

Yes, it’s Just Kidz’ “Dino Mega Cruiser,” combining elements from G.I. Joe and Power Rangers to create one big mighty mess of plastic mayhem. Retailing for ten bucks (not 9.99, not 9.97, but 10.00 — too rare to resist), it’s a massive set with over twenty weapons and accessories. More on that in a sec. The big green dinosaur thing looks remarkably like the Green Ranger’s Zord, save for one difference: this one spouts off military phrases in a decidedly non-dino tone of voice if you push the buttons on one of his legs. Dragon Dude doesn’t say anything memorable (“Lock & Load!”), but the fact that he says anything at all is enough to justify a ten buck price tag. Though nothing to write home about when everything’s out of the box and revealed to be a pile of crap, it’s wrapped up all nice and showy – doesn’t look like the kind of assortment that’d inspire disappointment under the tree. Neat.

The weapons and accessories…not so good. There’s two military figures posed in such a way that they look like they’re busting out their best “coochie coochie” Charo impressions. There’s a huge pile of plastic/rubber weapons and accessories, including some mildly odd choices: cell phones, pipes and purses are among the stranger entries. There’s a bunch of rifles and shit meant for the figures but far too large for their hands to hold, not to mention a few fences that can’t stand vertical without the aid of glue. If you’re thinking of buying this for a kid who’s easily frustrated, you are stupid.

In theory, one of the figures can fit inside the Dino Mega Cruiser’s groin side cockpit. Would’ve been a neat feature, but the figures are too clumsily molded to get completely inside. You can wedge him in there, but to actually seal the canopy would require beheading one of your troops – and you only have two, so it’s not a good idea. Too bad – the sight of this hideous robot dinosaur in metallic green with one of the country’s finest servicemen riding in the crotch compartment would double its retail worth.

Worst of all, if this is one of those serious army dudes, you know he had to feel silly enough just climbing into the dragon. Imagine the embarrassment when he had to crawl right back out. It’s not good to feel that way when you’re so heavily armed with rifles, grenades and pocket books.

There’s the beast, in all of its mighty glory. Not bad, not good, not terrible, not great. It looks better in the box, but hey, Christmas is all about stuff looking better in boxes. By the time a kid realizes how pitiful poor Dino Mega Cruiser is, Christmas will be over and nothing will be spoiled.

I’m really digging the “Just Kidz” line, though. Expect more reviews soon.

OK. I don’t have the time to read the entire article just yet. I just wanna say that K-Mart in Sacramento is THE most depressing place on Earth! It’s ghetto, disgusting, disorganized and sad. OK. Gotta go to class now. Oh. One more thing: Second post! WOO HOO!!!

Oh, how the real U.S. military needs a Dino Mega Cruiser. I think the Iraq debacle would be much less of a mess.

I agree, the Marines would love to have a Dino Mega Cruiser. Anything is better than the Osprey.

Did you know Kinder Eggs make an Advent Calendar? Really, the chocolate isn’t that bad, plus it could help sustain you while you write the Playmobil Advent Calendar articles.

Hey Matt, anymore tapes of your past birthday parties? Your seventh was a blast, how about some more articles on those extravaganzas?

I’ve always found Wal-Mart depressing, although not for the same reason. Every Wal-Mart I’ve been in feels dirty and used, and just somehow sad. A Wal-Mart supercenter opened here about a month ago, and it already feels tired and worn out inside.

Unicron for 8 bucks! Damn, I’m jealous. I saw one yesterday, marked down to 40 bucks. Woo, huge savings there.

Finally, someone else agrees with the K-Mart is depressing thing. There’s one right by my house (within walking distance), and I used to like it a lot, but then they changed it to a Super K-Mart and everything went down hill. I can’t find anything (they turned the old Farmer Jack’s that was attached to it into the grocery store part and everything is screwy now). The worst part is that everyone that shops there shops like a moron.

Seriously, I was once stuck behind a guy in the express lane who was buying ONE HUNDRED packets of Kool-aid. In the EXPRESS lane. And they were all different so they had to ring them up one at a time. Awful.

Honestly though, I don’t know what’s worse, our K-Mart or our Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart is dirtier, and I think people are a little stupider… but that’s the way that they made it, it wasn’t good and then got worse.

Matt, I couldn’t agree anymore about K-Mart making you feel depressed. I rarely shop at K-Mart, but when I do go there, the whole gloomy atmosphere–from the store itself, to the employees and most of the customers–you can’t help but feel sorry for some of these people.

As I have stated sometime before, I love the unmitigated audacity of Bootleg/Knockoff toys, and "Just Kidz" doesn’t disappoint. There’s a similar line at Wal-Mart that offering a few tranforming-type robots that are just shy of Lawsuit City. And, on the subject of the Mart of K, are any others out there possessed-ed of those odd flourescent fixtures that give off that pinkish-yellow mind-control glow? Not orange, mind you, but Pinkish-Yellow.

Hey wow that’s a pretty cool toy especially for 10.00. I live in canada so that’s about 39.99 for us. Actually the canadian buck ain’t doin to bad lately.
It’s all moot though cause we’ll never see that on the shelves over here.
I think XE should have a music section. You know, like all the cheesey/one hit wonders from days past.. just a thought.
I picked up the Velvet Revolver cd a few weeks ago. I was a HUGE GNR fan back in the day and it’s so refreshing to see Slash and company back at it. It takes a little while to get used to Scott’s vocals though.

Ugh. I used to lord it over my friends that I was able to get a perfect Unicron for $14 at our local Target. Now you made me feel like a poser.

‘Ages 3+’ on one corner, and ‘Choking Hazard’on the other? Fun for the kiddies. Can we say recall?

To me K-mart was always the lowest on the totem pole of the major discount department stores. It went from Target, Wal-Mart, and then really down to K-Mart. Both the "-Mart" stores always seem to be used and dirty.

Target has some of value priced toys as well. Also selling for the rare prices of $5, $10, and $15. And they look exactly the same as the Wal-Mart ones. I guarntee that it is made byt the same company but with a different brand name.

The K-Mart close to my house is right next to a much better Wal-Mart so its always empty. I ususally go there after Toys "r" Us where I actually buy somthing. I don’t have a car so I have to carry my bags in the store. When theres nothing new stocked in the toy department(I havent bought anything there in like 2 years)I leave but the same black security guard who is cross eyed always asks to see my receipt and I have to tell him I didn’t buy anything again. I hope he doesn’t think I’m a theif. I kinda feel bad but then I go to Wal-mart and usually find somthing.

Am I the only one that got the feel of the article? Maybe it was because I used to be the kid that was jealous of the other kids who got gameboys when they first came out.

K-Mart may be depressing, but those Icees…Man, they are priceless. I would go to hell and back to get those Icees.

maybe I am mistaken, but is there a sticker in the last pic on the dino that says "unit"? and is it pointing at his…"unit"?

I remember getting shitty toys like
that on a few Christmas’. They certainly put a "What the fuck?" look on my face. Such was sually the result of me asking for things that were too expensive, and so my parents and grandparents didn’t know what to buy for me. And to think that my grandparents weren’t normaly the type to be so cheap. Literally being made out of money and all, my grandparents have usually gotten me the better gifts.

The K-Mart down here never seemed all that bad to me…but it’s also the ONLY actual department store in the entire Southern New Jersey area. They’re building a Wal-Mart across the street as I write this. The Rio Grande K-Mart has always been cleaned and well-organized, but not very well-stocked. They’re often out of their sales the day they get them, simply because they are the only decent shopping option in the area that isn’t a grocery store or something like TJ Maxx.

Mr. Dino Cruiser is cheap-looking, but still sort of nifty. Hey, he’s shiny and has wicked-looking "teeth." As a kid, that was all I’d ask for. If you can’t fit the Army boys in there, put in smaller action figures.

Perhaps with Sears and K-Mart joining forces, K-Mart will get itself into shape. Our local K-Mart (Savannah, GA) seems to never have anyone in there, customer or employee. They just started carrying DVDs about two and a half years ago and they only had a Chuck Norris movie, some badly animated kids movie, and an action movie starring some Czech immigrant who just got off the boat and knows marginal English and kung fu. I haven’t been back since.

It’s sad. And I can remember how busy the place was in the early ’90s and now it’s a ghost town.

When K-Mart declared bankruptcy a few years ago, most of those stores closed down. I always got the sad feeling there also. Seemed all they sold was NASCAR and Martha Stewart. Toys looked like junk even though other stores sold the same things.

Lately, I’ve been getting the same feeling from Wal-Mart. I used to like the place. The aisles are a mess and over-priced compared to Target. They even started selling $1 DVD’s and even their cheaper $6 aren’t worth buying compared the Target cheap DVD’s.

Sigh. If it weren’t for the grocery sections, I’d probably avoid the place like a hawk.

Jason-Sears and K-Mart? Joining forces? That’s a formula for disaster. Both companies are already going to Hell. So what’s this going to mean? K-Mart/Sears becomes the antichrist? Wait a minute..naw..that’s Matt’s job. JK. But seriously, this sounds crazy. I’ll have to look up on it.

The one K-Mart I’ve recently been to recently (In Muskegon,MI on Apple Ave.) is practically a dive. It often looks like parts of the store needs to be remodeled,especially the mens’ bathroom. I’m not suprised if more people go to the Target and Super Wal-Mart down the road,they are at least cleaner.

I like looking at the cheap toys stores like to offer,if for just the laugh value,like a He-Man style line Rite Aid in the cheap toys they get this time this year. They even had a army solider with giant robot mecha-suit thing like the Dino Mega Cruiser there.

But I gotta admit,some look like they’d be great toys nonetheless,like those The Corps! toys or some of those emergency/rescue stuff.

Talk about depressing, has anyone here ever been at an "Ames" department store. I totally relate to the whole depressing feeling that every Wal-Mart and K-Mart I have ever been has, especially Wal-Mart. I swear every Wal-Mart I have been in has that old/tired/worn out/dirty look and feel to it. Anyway, if you want to know where those department stores go for eternity when they have been especially bad, check out an Ames sometime. Every one is so gloomy and flithy I don’t know how anyone can stand to shop there much less work there. I mean floors that are always black and filthy, paint peeling off the walls, color schemes that went out in the 70s, half the light fixtures are either flickering non-working or smashed, damaged and collapsed merchandise racks, and a general feeling the whole building is a heartbeat from falling apart and having the ceiling come down on you. If anyone here is from the southern tier of NY state, check out the Ames in Painted Post sometime. True retail hell. It makes your average Wal-Mart look like Caesar’s Palace.

I remember the K-Mart in my town as always being extra scuzzy. Right down to the grime between the linoleum tiles. Disorder and chaos ruled the place, from improperly shelved items to the checkout clerks who always had some hygiene problems.
I also remember that the vending machines at the checkouts had some of the sketchiest items; gauzzy metal jewelry and plastic figurines that looked like they had spent a previous life in a pawn shop.
I remember also all their stock when it came to computer stuff was always 3 years out of date. I remember seeing a boxed Amiga 1000 back in 1995… right next to the boxed Commodore 64. It’s pretty sad also when a box has been shrink wrapped and there’s dust inside the wrapping.
OK, now I’m just rambling… I’ll stop now

Isn’t it funny that the decal says the word "unit" right where the dino’s "unit" would be?

I’m surprised you’re into this line of toys, Matt. It both depresses and angers me. I understand that a lot of families can’t afford to drop fat cash on fancy gifts, but this lame toy still costs $10. For that $10, Mom could pick up a real Batman or (small) G.I. Joe figure, plus a couple of cheapies to go with it. Maybe even some candy.

Kids know when they’ve been handed crap. And it’s kids that Kmart is ultimately ripping off on Christmas morning.

Anyway, in Houston, they shut down all the K-Mart stores. It was sad, because me and a gal pal used to get up at midnight and go cruising, usually to a few K-Marts.

Alas, I’m stuck in Germany now with all these Kinder Eggs that Matt has no interest in.

You hit the nail on the head Matt- you really summed up the sad depressed feeling that accompanies most major chain stores. Although,here in Korea, their huge super Wal Mart is "The" place to be- they’re always throwing samples at you, and there are people with bullhorns beside displays trying to get you to buy stuff- its like a circus in there!

My local (soon to be ex-local since I’m moving to Ottawa) Zellers, the Canadian equivalent of K-Mart, is very middling and average. Nothing to write home about but nothing to write horror stories on the Internet about either. It’s always fairly busy as it’s the only department store of any note west of Montreal island, and, in any event, it’s miles better than the awful shoddy polyester nightmare known as Wise which was the pretty much the only thing remotely resembling a department store we had in Pincourt prior to Zellers opening in 1993. Wise, thankfully, closed soon after Zellers opened…

Are you in the military? Any chance they have a better selection of toys than the crummy BX/PX here in Germany?

EMAJORWITZ- Nope, I am an English teacher, teaching kids over here in Korea how to speak English…they DO have pretty much all the usual stuff you’d find at toy stores back home though, but with more Asian cartoon characters thrown in (AstroBoy, Yu-Gi-Oh, and a LOT of computer game characters.) Plus, LOTS of cell phone accessories- little keychains for cells, etc. Everyone here has cell phones. Oh yeah- I LOVE Kinder eggs!

AWSOME-0!!! That thing rocks ass. Its exactly the shitty kind of toy that I would’ve wanted when I was a kid. Crotch Killer Rocket Zord, LOCK AND LOAD. Anyways, god bless generic GI Joes. Finally I could have full scale wars for only $5.99.

hey, MuppetBaby! I think we need some bullhorns and circusy stuff in American Wal-Marts. sounds like a welcome departure.

i’m in Oklahoma… aka, the land o’ Wal-Marts. seriously, theres one on every corner. and they’re all pretty depressing. they built a new Neighborhood Market (the Wal-grocery store) thats actually pretty nice though, its all kind of honey-colored wood and black iron and recessed lighting. unfortunately, its in the ‘hood. and i think someone’s already died in there.

Unit…..right in the crotch…we all seem to be picking up on that, what really suprises me is that "Just Kidz" has labeled this toy for ages 3+…but thay PUT THE WORD UNIT ON THE DINO’S PINK TRANSPARENT DICK COMPARTMENT! This toy really should be marketed towards more mature people who can understand and appreciate the Unit humor.

I’m embarassed to say that my son’s grandmother bought him that piece of crap for Christmas or something one year. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s the thought that counts but for pete’s sake this toy drove me nuts. I would rather spend the extra 10 to 20 dollars and get him something that is not going to break in the first hour he is playing with it. Great article though..I love your site.

The K-Mart up here in Burlinton VT looks like one of those B-movie haunted houses. It just looks sad, a relic of a by-gone era of retail.

I can kind of relate to DINO MEGA CRUISER. When I was a kid, it was Transformers and Go-Bots, and I usually got Go-Bots. They were cheap, yes, but they were very good toys. Toy stores used to keep things in stock for A LOT longer, and you could find quality toys on sale. Now, toy stores have to move products along much faster, so if you want something cheap, you’re forced to resort to DINO MEGA CRUISER. It’s very sad.

Hey I would have rather had any toy from that just Kidz line than what I usually got for Christmas: K MART CLOTHES. I remember being 11 years old and getting embroidered sweatshirts with granny collars attached to them. (you know, what grannies with no taste wear!!!!) My step grandma was a Kmart fanatic, I got wise after a few years and tried to return the shit but it seems she got everything 95% off so it took me 10 outfits to even get 10.00!!! I mean, seriously, even today you walk thru their clothing department, it’s priced about what mall clothes are priced and you wonder, who in the HELL wears this SHIT?? I could get more fashionable stuff at Goodwill.

I remember dating this guy who lived in Battle Creek, MI, and they had a Kmart downtown which until about 5 years ago had never been remodeled. Remember the 70’s colors??? This place was still decked out in avocado green, orange, yellow and brown. Cassette tapes in the locked cases? The big brown and yellow snack bar in the back of the store? The brown paneled fitting room in the middle of the store? This place had it all I was almost sad when they did remodel, it was like stepping back thru time…oh yes, and they still had the FROZEN COKE machine!

K-Mart has started getting in a lot more wrestling figures these past few months… nothing wrong with that.

Eh, the Woolco in Kirkland was one of those stores that was always just "there" (until it went out of business); I have very few memories of actually going inside, though I think that’s where we got our already-out-of-date Commodore Vic-20 in 1984.The Woolworth store in Fairview Pointe-Claire, which was, I think, more or less the same thing except without some of the departments present in the standalone Woolco locations like electronics, was a fairly cheesy store I think we only ever shopped at for pillows and picture frames. Really, when Wal-Mart came to town in 1995, the discount department stores in the area that it might have taken customers from either already had gone bankrupt (Miracle Mart/M, Wise, Woolco/Woolworth’s Canada and the non-discount Simpson’s) or were in their death throes (Greenberg and the non-discount Eaton’s), and, I don’t know about the experience of American small towns (though I think mom & pop stores are way too over-romanticized) but, the Kirkland Wal-Mart was, and still is, much nicer a store than the Canadian discount department store chains it largely replaced, and Wal-Mart forced Zellers to improve their stores and offer better clothing, and Zellers is all the better for the competition.

The Kirkland Wal-Mart is always packed, like it’s Christmas year-round. I think you could have probably thrown a rock in the parking lot back when Woolco was there and not broken any car windows as it would have landed in an empty parking spot between two other empty parking spots.

I remember KMart whn it RULED! When I was a little kid, it was the first place I ever saw the atari 2600, in the station thing where you could go head-to-head! That was a big deal then-there was a line a block long to play that thing! Sad now…

We used to have a Woolco in central Wisconsin, but it died. Became a barren wasteland, and then years passed and it was re-opened as…a WAL-MART! Big shocker came a few years ago when Wal-Mart abandoned the same building, and built a Super Wal on the other side of town. Irony. Oh well, now it is actually a senior center, so those old depressing seniors have somewhere to play canasta and do plastic-canvas til they die.

MuppetBaby - We have a couple of Korean owned junk stores at my local mall and it hits your description on the head. Lotsa anime character related toys, Sanrio, and lots of cellphone accessories. All at very over-priced prices.
I rarely go to our local Wal-Mart but its not half as depressing as what it sounds like to you all. Lotsa people of middle eastern decent shopping there, so its kinda like one of those bazaars from an Indiana Jones movie. I go to our local Target far more often, and it’s not very bad either. Shitty toy selection though, but recently they got one of those Talking Duke GI Joes, and I found it hilarious giving him a speech impedement. Since if you push his talk button hard he shouts, so it sounds like "we…WILL…never..sur..ENDER!"

Muppet Baby—I am also teaching children English in South Korea! Where are you? I’m in Daegu and would love to get in touch with another soul that digs this website. Been here no more than a month but I’ve been checking this site for years. And yes, K-Mart, Big Lots, etc. are the most depressing places in the world.

Wow, that is just the sort of thing I would go for when I was a little girl. (Still do) I was the type who would rather play with dinosaurs and cars than Barbie. She was only ever played with if I needed someone to man the shoebox chariot pulled by dragons and lions.

This reminds me of a cool Chinese Power Rangers knock-off toy that I saw a few months ago, except that the other one had neat cardboard trading cards with it of warrior girls that had almost nothing to do with the toy itself.

It’s true that K-Mart is one of the most depressing places in the world to go. It has this terrible feel of decay to it. I may approach one (because of the coin-operated rides outside) but I try to never venture past the lobby. Once you get past the machines filled with rubber lizards and crappy fake jewelry, anything possibly inside is a letdown.

Does anyone remember Rose’s Department stores? There were about five of them in my hometown, and they went out of business one by one, but when I was a kid, Rose’s was the sheeiznot.

I want one of those! Heck, who DOESN’T want a plastic robot dinosaur with a unit?

I remember when I was little, my mother would take my brother and I to Dollarama, where we could have whatver we wanted –under two dollars. The toys were very similar. I have no idea what I used to choose. Probably stickers or plastic dachsunds. But I do know that my brother came home with a pair of new Zoids every time. Now they charge you a ton for those things in so-called "respectable" stores,

I also remember Zellers and "Zeddy" the scary t-shirt wearing mustachioed mascot bear. He looked like a dirty old man. Zellers ius a half-step up from K-mart. They had a free cookies club. They were no-name boxed cookied. we went every week. *feels tragic*

If K-Mart depresses you, check out a Bi-way some time. Where else can you buy a Mighty Max board game for fifty cents?

Children need encouragement, so if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.

It was depressing! You have that damn "K-Mart radio" in the store that plays the same 5 songs in rotation EVERY SINGLE FREAKIN’ DAY! It’s no wonder half the employees in my store went nuts after a while, which led to impromptu games of freeze-tag while we were still on the clock.

Then there was the day someone dared me to buy a gallon of "Five Alive" (it only cost $1) and chug it, which made me sick. I miss those days!

I worked 3 summers at a locak Kmart, now I live down the road form teh scummiest Kmart ever in history.

This site has given me I idea of what to buy my action figure collecting figure roommate, He would sure get the kick out of a Us marine operate Dino-robot wht the word "unit" on the dino’s unit.

What is really sad each holiday season, the really stupid parents who have no idea about video games, they will buy their grandkids really cheap PS2 games for their Xbox. Sorry but that sin does not go unforgiven in the eyes of the Vidiox the god of electronic video entertainment.

i have nothing against electronics, but it is a sad state of affairs that Dragonzilla could be deemed as second rate toy in the eyes of the tot-com generation. i loved the intricate little nick nack cheapy toys that would force you to imagine the whole world around it- i remember drawing a computer keyboard on a piece of paper when i was a kid to have a computer book like penny from inspector gadget! or having every single toy with a face i owned in my bed so that none of them would go cold and uncomfortable on the floor.

I just got back form my local dirt mall Kmart, and I saw this dino-disaster there and several other of their military themed toy sets, all the war toys have the same stickers randomly placed over the vehicles.

I was there is did see a cool toy m16 w/ a flashlight, but in Kmart tradition is was already broken.

Unit, that this the funniest thing ever, coolest thung about this toy it is rather unique concept created by some crackhead, I would just love for Just KIDZ to create a saturday morning cartoon for the DIno Cruiser.

At least a toy like this would actually excersize a childs immigination to create their own scenarios for this toy. That is if the toy did not break after looking at it.

Just Kidz, these are the products oyu know are made bt outsourced child slave labor, beaten to near death by demons from hell.

Rainbowfeet, is the Kmary you are mentioning the Taylor MI, Vanborn rd store? That is the one I worked at for 3 summers.

As a "po kid" in the south, (later moved to mich, still po!) the best toys I could hope for were like that.. the cheap knockoffs. Still, I loved then better than….. Aw, Bullshit! I would have killed for the good stuff! Still, brings back memories! The world needs this junk, if only to make us appriciate the real thing. Keep up the good work, Matt!

Hey, somebody else made a Penny Computer Book! What about Space Ghost’s Power Bands?

You want cheap knockoffs? Go to Big Lots! One line, Quick Change Robot Fighter Transforming System tends to be a crap shoot, as only half the time do you get crap. Unless you compare them to today’s Transformers, then QCRFTS loses. Wal*Mart’s (also seen at CVS)"Galaxy Defenders" are pretty decent, too.

Last night a bad thing happened to me. Bobbe Fett came out of my televisions and burned my face. He hurts me bad and I hurt.

In many ways just all the figures and spare parts alone, si worht the 10 buck to a child wiht a depraved immagination. I had aunts and uncles buy me things like that for xmas, if it broke, the sand bags fences and spring action missile lianchers has new life as I found a way to graft them onto my GIJOE vehicle or cheap molded GAY TOYS space shuttle with rubber bands and electrical tape. with some slue and a depraved immagination a ship f science became a space fighter.
Dont get war toys I found ways to make war toys.

Today;s kids I fear lack the immagination to properly modify and upgrade their good toys with the shattered spare parts of their cheap knock offs.

That would make a great TPY STORY sequel as bobby gets a cheap Buzz Lightyear knock off breaks apart in 3 hours and the spare parts end up glued unto woody’s horse and T rex is threatening Buzz wiht the missile launcher glued to his hand.

I’ve been in an "Ames" store, although I thought they were all long gone. The Ames we had in Clearwater used to be a "Zayre," which is basically the same thing, and it must’ve closed around 1990. I remember it stocking that "V" alien figure that my parents would never buy me. There’s a Home Depot in the spot now.

I tend to prefer depressing stores, though. The outdated decor helps me cling pathetically to the past, and you never have to deal with the agonizing crowds. Also, you sometimes have the chance to dig around and find toys and things that were sold out years ago in other places. There’s a department store in my hometown where you could buy Jabba playsets off the shelf up until ‘89, and where to this day you can still find Atari games, 80’s GI Joe figures, and archaic Play-Doh sets.

The real depressing part about these stores to me is that so many of them feel as though they’ll be shut down before long…

we are soooo alike its sickening with everthing i read from you. Garfield as the homepage link almost made me cry like a little bitch. Nice find on the unicrons and the store credit is something i do and would have done in a sec. Hey those things are like 40-50, 100 in store credit is nice. have u gotten the garfield holiday collection dvd yet?

K-Mart was trashy hell. I been to five (Midland, Odessa, Abilene, Lubbock, and Hobbs, NM) locations within 2-3 hour driving distance and they all look the same as trashy hell. Two of the store are out of business.

There’s another store called Alco. They are available in small towns such as Andrews, Monahans, and Alpine. The place would be nice if you live in the area but its crappy if you not from the area. Makes you wish you were at Wal-Mart and Target.

More I read thisarticle and I realize that Kmart in general and thie Just Kidz line are made for Grandmas who have no clue what to buy their grandkids.

This toy is not bad if you buy it for yout kid along with a couple of PS2 games he wanted, hell you can get some really good PS@ gems such as freedom fighters for 20 bucks.

If you want to get your cousin, nephew or grandson some cheap toy, just get soem large bucket of Army Men. You can have large scale battles in yout back yard for under fice bucks.

I have a feeling my boyfriend and I are gonna get kicked out of K-Mart in Manahawkin, New Jersey (it’s not important where that is–its just at the shore) for fooling around with all of the E-L-M-O toys. My boyfriend and I pushed the hands on all these toys, and they all sang in unison. It was hysterical, particularly when we ran out of the aisle giggling. We’re actually looking to recapture the glory of the toy store scene in "Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead." We need those bouncy things. Before I go off in a tangent that’s comparable to Matt’s, I have to say that I saw this "Just Kidz" line, and all I can say is….oh my god. That’s right, it’s sheer crap. I feel bad for whatever kid gets this stuff. My friend is on a budget, but if her kid was old enough for stuff like this, I know for a fact that she would NEVER buy him this crap. Nothing but the best for her little angel (well, he is!!!!).

Matt, you tend to outdo yourself each time you write one of your manifestos. I can’t help but laugh. I actually looked at the Wuzzle masterpiece from two years ago last week. You capture fleeting attention spans. Great work!!!!!!

By the way, the Kmart I described is sad and disorganized. And I’m also referring to the people who work there. They walk around the aisles speaking "ghetto." Manahawkin is not a metropolitan area, and it certainly isn’t the ghetto.

Hate to break it to you marioshoku, but Wal-Mart IS dirty and used. My brother was saying something about a whole family of kids with mullets getting their pictures taken when his ex-girlfriend went there for her passport photo.

My advisor at college told my Advertising class last year how the people greeter practically chased her!!!!!! I can just picture that too. My advisor is cool.

Nice to know that someone else has been running Unicron scams! I bought 4 @ Target for around $13 each and took them to TRU for a whopping $200 in store credit!!! I’ll have to hunt down some of the $8 Unis…

Geeze, I need to start running some toy trade-in scams… sounds lucrative. Then I wouldn’t have to feel bad about being a lazy shit who doesn’t have a job ;P

the $10 price tag is printed on the box, showing the kids receving this that their Parent/relative is a poor cheap bastard.

I completely agree with everybody about depressing *mart* stores. We used to have a Zaire’s in Rockford, IL back in the mid 80’s, then it turned into an Ames. Now it’s Media Play. They carry a bunch of crap as well. They have a HUGE latino section of weird CD’s in those long boxes. (sigh) Walmart is so crowded, I usually shop at the Kmart next door to walmart just so I can get in and out quickly. The time that it takes for me to shop at kmart, some sap is still circling walmart’s lot for a good spot.

K-Mart will always be special to me. The one nearest to my house wasn’t bad, at least to my eyes when I was a kid. And Mom would always take me and my siblings there a few days before Christmas Eve so we could buy our christmas grab bag gifts for each other. We 5 kids did a grab bag thing, and thought that shopping day was the best thing in the world. We exchanged our gifts on Christmas eve morning, so that we each got a crappy little K-mart toy that could hold us over until the next morning.
And now, with Martha Stweart prison goodness, K-mart is better than ever.

By the way, everyone please go through your old toys. My wife and kids are doing that today, and they are picking out all the good stuff that they don’t use anymore, and that still has all the pieces, etc., and we’re going to donate them to a favorite charity group of ours that can always use a few gently used toys at Christmas. I encourage everyone to do the same.

I was one of those kids that always got AWESOME stuff for xmas -whatever was the coolest at the time I got. All except last year. I got stove bolts (WTF!!!) and a impact drill from the Dollar General. Yes, I’m 26 years old, and a girl, but man, come on! It was depressing. I was actually almost going to cry. The entire day was ruined. Did anyone else have one of THOSE xmases? Like the closest people to you have no damn clue as to what you like? Not just one present ruined…all of them. Usually every year my mother in law gets stuff I would never use. Like bath oils, and perfume. (I’m highly allergic. If I even smell them, I’m in trouble)I know it’s the whole "the thought matters" thing, but if you were to blow money on THAT, don’t bother. This year I’m returning the stove bolts to the same person that gave them last year.

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