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11/14/2004: The Jones Soda Holiday Pack, reviewed.

Okay, it’s not the most important X-E article in history — that was a lie — but this review of the Jones Soda Holiday Pack provides the most vile materials ever found on the site. The already famous set includes cola flavors like “Turkey & Gravy” and “Green Bean Casserole,” and I’ve enlisted the help of four friends from work to tell you how disgusting all of it is. Enjoy. Had to postpone the scheduled (ha) Macy’s Parade review until next weekend, but for the sake of potato juice, you’ll have to accept it.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 188 comments

Truly awesome article!!!

Utterly disturbing, but truly awesome! You have taken my reading to new depths while I almost laughed out loud at your spectacle of lunacy.

Ghosted by TW @ 11/18/2004 6:01 PM EST

Kidneyboy, did you find the breakdance video here when I posted it a few months back, or did you find it somewhere else? Just curious, I found it on a music video blog I frequent.

Ghosted by ME @ 11/18/2004 6:29 PM EST

Go tell Aunt Rhoady the old Grey Goose is dead.

and my left ear is a soapdish!

Ghosted by Busmalis @ 11/18/2004 10:32 PM EST

Hey ME, if you are refering to the shockwave video I LOVED IT!!!

Shockwave as in decepticons…

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 11/19/2004 1:08 AM EST

Don’t forget Laser.. that b-boy can boogie! :D

Ghosted by Cyanyde @ 11/19/2004 9:17 AM EST

TerdFergusson suggested making a mixed drink out of all the sodas and it rattled around in my head and just now, it hit. I think that might be bad in a "big Twinkie" kind of way. Or, more precisely, a Violet Beauregard-turn-into-a-giant-cranberry kind of way.
I’ve seen the TransFormers video before and one of the best things is the use of Vic Caroli’s voice at the beginning. "It is the year 2005…." Can you imagine a talking alarm with his voice? "It is now 8:30, time to wake up. Or you will be…. Late For Work!" The only reason I ever saw the first My Little Pony episode, (aside that we were living out in the country and it was one of the only things I could tune in) was Vic was the voice of the bad guy. A 20-foot tall centaur with wicked-long horns, dark gray in color, and that voice! He deserved his own show.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 11/19/2004 12:13 PM EST

uh… you keep calling them ‘colas’ throughout the review, I don’t think they are colas are they?

Ghosted by Cosine @ 11/19/2004 3:01 PM EST

It says "colas" on the bottles, dude.

Ghosted by Obvious Pointer @ 11/19/2004 3:14 PM EST

Where?

Ghosted by Cosine @ 11/19/2004 3:15 PM EST

Didn’t think so.

Ghosted by Cosine @ 11/19/2004 5:07 PM EST

from what i’ve been told people in different regions of the united states refer to soft drinks in many ways. Here in ohio you will hear "pop" used a lot. Of course some people say "soda" but I’ve heard of places that refer to any soft drink as a "coke" or a "cola" as matt demonstrated. then again this is just what i’ve been told….

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 11/19/2004 5:09 PM EST

"uh… you keep calling them ‘colas’ throughout the review, I don’t think they are colas are they?" – Cosine

Jeez, splitting hairs much?

Ghosted by trajeal @ 11/19/2004 8:15 PM EST

ME:

Nope, but cheers to you for finding it first. I found it on another forum that I post on, someone had posted it there. But it does kick ass, yes? It takes a while for me to load it, but it’s def. worth it. I wish that Citroen commercial could have lasted a couple of minutes at least…that would have been really awesome.

So, in conclusion, ME, if you find anymore dancing Transformer videos, post them, posthaste!

Ghosted by kidneyboy @ 11/19/2004 9:04 PM EST

trajeal or ME,

Please…what’s the code for bold, its not [b]word[/b]. Help me out, I’m havin’ problems…

Ghosted by kidneyboy @ 11/19/2004 9:06 PM EST

The only Jones soda I’ve had is their vanilla cola, and I found it absolutely disgusting (though I love vanilla Coke). I’m tempted to try some of their more unique flavors, but I think this is one of those brands that draws attention to itself via its image, rather than by actually producing a quality product.

Ghosted by Abob Lyndsae @ 11/19/2004 10:39 PM EST

The date of this article Nov 14th…its the 19th of November…The next update BETTER be good….ive been waiting five days for it..

Ghosted by Jeff @ 11/20/2004 3:59 AM EST

Has anyone else seen that commercial for the homemade McFlurry maker? Now there’s an X-E article waiting to happen!

Ghosted by 4thDown @ 11/20/2004 11:00 AM EST

The doohickey for bold is the greater than/less than signs.

bold with doohickey
bold without

Ghosted by kingklash @ 11/20/2004 11:30 AM EST

Matt, Matt, wherefore art thou, Matt? I am anxiously awaiting the big Macy’s Day parade write-up. Hopefully, you will soon be completely recovered from your taste test. My tastebuds are quivering in horrified sympathy for you. :)

Ghosted by ChaosKitty @ 11/20/2004 1:48 PM EST

I really want to try some of this. Has anyone checked E-Bay? Jumping Jesus on A Pogo Stick! Peeps there want a ton of cash for this stuff.

Ghosted by TacoBob @ 11/20/2004 5:42 PM EST

Update….Update…Update….

Ghosted by Jeff @ 11/20/2004 9:01 PM EST

What if Matt’s…..DEAD (cue scary music)

Ghosted by Whirred @ 11/20/2004 11:54 PM EST

I had a friend in High School who’s old Italian grandmother used to call any kind of carbonated beverage "tonic". I always foubd that weird. And yes, an update would be nice.

Ghosted by Shonuf1 @ 11/21/2004 12:36 PM EST

Just touching on the Transformer stuff, my dream of a live action Transformer movie will finally happen in a year or two!

Ghosted by Shonuf1 @ 11/21/2004 12:50 PM EST

I’m sure that wherever Matt is, his thoughts are with us all :)

Ghosted by Kristal @ 11/21/2004 3:08 AM EST

If he’s writing up that Macy’s Day Parade review, he’s got a ton of work to do for it. Plenty of video and lots of words. Words take time. Trust me, you all won’t be disappointed.

Ghosted by trajeal @ 11/21/2004 9:08 AM EST

I agree with Trajeal…genius takes time, and those Macy’s reviews are GOLD. I just hope Matt reads all this blog he’s missed and answers me about the Xmas special. I am already getting pumped for Xmas- Thanksgiving is over and done with for us Canadians.

Ghosted by Muppet Baby @ 11/21/2004 9:37 AM EST

Matt should at least let us know that he’s still alive. I seriously think that Matt, SD, HG, VT, and VG are all dead. Well, looks like their positions are now open. Where do I sign?

Ghosted by Nate @ 11/21/2004 9:54 AM EST

Did I say VG? Oops, I meant VS. Oh well. I guess it doesn’t matter since they’re all dead.

Ghosted by Nate @ 11/21/2004 9:55 AM EST

Wat a minute. There’s something I didn’t realize. HG is dead! Ohhh, my love, my life..OK, next girl.

Ghosted by Nate @ 11/21/2004 9:57 AM EST

Hm.. You pulled off a three-in-a-row. Congratulations. =P

Anyway, yeah, I hope the Macy’s review is up by today, and the border made somewhat for the Holiday season =D

Ghosted by Chad "1m" Mosher @ 11/21/2004 10:07 AM EST

Thanks for the review!

I’m bringing the soda pack to Thanksgiving as a surprise, and hopefully people will be brave enough to step up for a taste test! Now I know what I’m getting myself into, and I’ll be sure to bring a camera for people’s reactions!

Ghosted by BabkaGal @ 11/22/2004 10:20 AM EST

http://blogthings.com/jonessodaquiz.html

Someone made a Jones Soda quiz. I’m not kidding.

Ghosted by Yama the Space Fish @ 11/22/2004 8:20 PM EST

I guess we know why they don’t sell it in stores.

Ghosted by Dixon Deeper @ 11/24/2004 11:13 PM EST

totally off topic but for you 80’s freaks, try out this "valleyUrl" talker. go there, put in any url and enjoy. it doesn’t work as well as i had hoped but it’s still interesting.

Ghosted by matt g @ 11/25/2004 1:02 AM EST

Sad to say I too had the unfortunate dis-pleasure of ‘drinking’ these ’sodas’ one comment:

Pure LIquid EVIL!

Ghosted by Delphi @ 11/27/2004 1:16 AM EST

Hilarious, this is so good for we curious overseas-ers, I would sell a family member to try them for myself or better still to serve these up to the in-laws for Christmas.
Cheers

Ghosted by Jen @ 11/27/2004 7:45 PM EST

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