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The Jones Soda Holiday Pack, reviewed.

Okay, it's not the most important X-E article in history -- that was a lie -- but this review of the Jones Soda Holiday Pack provides the most vile materials ever found on the site. The already famous set includes cola flavors like "Turkey & Gravy" and "Green Bean Casserole," and I've enlisted the help of four friends from work to tell you how disgusting all of it is. Enjoy. Had to postpone the scheduled (ha) Macy's Parade review until next weekend, but for the sake of potato juice, you'll have to accept it.

Posted by Matt on 11/14/2004. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 188 comments

Wow. I’d so go try some Jones soda now if my school didn’t charge $2 a pop when I can just run down through the skyway and get a can of Pepsi for 50 cents. Huh.

Am I the only one on this website that actually LIKES greenbean casserole? The real dish I mean. C’mon, it’s good. I probably eat more of it than I do turkey. I’m not real big on the whole turkey thing… and my grandmother sort of sucks at gravy.

Not that I’d tell her that. She pays for half my tuition after all.

Glad you’re still here Matt. Albeit, mentally and physically scarred forever.

Chestnuts roasted by Sucrose @ 11/15/2004 2:29 PM

I don’t know how I never heard of this if the hype was as big as you said it was. Oh well. At least I didn’t try it.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dragonrider @ 11/15/2004 2:37 PM

So this is the famous Turkey and Gravy soda I heard about.

People that I told about this weird flavored drink seem to share the sentiments of your taste testers, Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Bert Raccoon @ 11/15/2004 3:00 PM

I HOPE A SHARK EATS YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE!

hahahahhahahahhaha
best line ever!

Chestnuts roasted by Richard @ 11/15/2004 3:29 PM

Matt, did you end up seeing Seed of Chucky? If you did, was it good?

Chestnuts roasted by J-Dog @ 11/15/2004 3:45 PM

omg those all look gross, with the exception of cranberry soda. Big ups to the taste testers. On a much lighter note, HEY VS…NICE SHOES…WANNA FUCK?

Chestnuts roasted by minutemike @ 11/15/2004 3:47 PM

Hey Matt,
I have found somewhere on your site that you were selling $50 gift packs with various stuff in them, still doing that, need a christmas present and I want to tell them I don’t know what they are getting as I hand them the box.

Chestnuts roasted by soda fan @ 11/15/2004 4:01 PM

J-Dog: I saw Seed of chucky last night. It was cheesy beyond belief (as can be expected) but I didn’t walk out on it as I would have for numerous other movies, so aparently it wasn’t *that* bad.

As an aside: Jennifer Tilly is one of the more unique actresses ever. If you like her style of acting then you’ll love S.O.C.

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 11/15/2004 5:01 PM

Hey Matt, this article got greenlit on Fark’s main page today, and guess who submitted it???

…me. Oh yeah, I finally passed my road test today! yay

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 11/15/2004 5:17 PM

I’m probably not the first to say this, but you must remember that Jones Soda’s NON-joke flavors kick all kinds of ass. We’re talking about a company that makes a soda called "Blue Bubblegum," and makes it FUCKING DELICIOUS!!! Where else would I get my Green Apple Soda fix? All shall bow to Jones Soda, ruler of Canada… and soon, the world!

Chestnuts roasted by Magic Flyin' Lemur @ 11/15/2004 5:41 PM

STOP BLOCKING ME!!! JIBBER JABBER!!

I mixed that cranberry stuff with vodka… it was tasty… now Im drunk and this morning I was too.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. T @ 11/15/2004 5:46 PM

The Provider was down until just a few minutes ago, so I just finished reading the article. I come from tribes of great hunters of buffalo, fierce warriors, excellent horsemen, and possibly a famous old west bandit, but, with this entry, you have proved yourself to be more of a man than I’ll ever strive to be. A lot more brave, at the least.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash is late to the party! @ 11/15/2004 5:47 PM

whats going on with santa and those two kids on the cranberry one??? Is that real??? Does anybody else think that the pic is a little..ummmmmmmm. whats the word im looking for??? WRONG?

Chestnuts roasted by zombone @ 11/15/2004 5:58 PM

those chicks were hot.

Chestnuts roasted by Hammer @ 11/15/2004 7:06 PM

If you have any left, mix them together. Call it turkey dinner. That would be the most "fowl".

Chestnuts roasted by TerdFergusson @ 11/15/2004 7:11 PM

Sucrose, I like green bean casserole (the real stuff) so your not alone ^_^
Invader Norbert, it was you! I submitted this article on Fark too, but you already beat me to it, guess the important thing is it got the green light =)
Great article Matt, but are they still your friends? ^_~

/I’d drink gross shit for Matt

Chestnuts roasted by *M*S*I* @ 11/15/2004 7:13 PM

Matt, just saw the Spongebob Watches commercial. It is hillarious. Of course, it had nothing to dow ith Spongebob but, besides that, it was great.

Chestnuts roasted by TOM @ 11/15/2004 7:22 PM

Oh! And Matt, thanks for the first-to-my-knowledge mention of the word "vegan" in an X-E article :)

BTW… everyone is wrong about the best X-E article ever. The best article ever is about a wrestler called the Shockmaster. You’ll have to use Google to actually find it, I think, but every time I read it I laugh like crazy :)

AND… if someone gets me a case of this Jones Soda, I will drink every bottle all the way down on camera (not that I have a camera, but I will procure one) and send the video to Matt to host on X-E.

Chestnuts roasted by VeganMike @ 11/15/2004 7:32 PM

i love h.g.

that is all.

Chestnuts roasted by marbotty @ 11/15/2004 7:37 PM

TOM, I caught the ad that would fit Matt’s description, but was suprised that it featured a couple of characters from Burger King’s take-off of "The Office" commercials from this past summer. You can watch the earlier commercials here (Pages 8-9, then 11-20), so hopefully Matt’s will be there soon as well:
http://www.cpbgroup.com/FrameContentSpecClient.cfm?PageNum_rsSpecificClient=8&ClientID=55

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 11/15/2004 8:09 PM

"My" commercial didn’t feature any characters — it’s all graphical, with the watches bubbling out of the sea and transitioning in front of the camera, etc.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/15/2004 9:23 PM

My favorite part of your ad was the hook w/ all of the watches wrapped around the wrist. Hee!

Are those bottles twist offs or do you need a keyring? You should refill them w/ something as close in color as possible and bring them to Thanksgiving dinner. Maybe koolaid or even Ecto Cooler for the green bean cassarole. Then, shock your family and friends when you down each bottle and then belch in a satisfied way. No one would believe you could down mashed potato soda and still eat actual mashed potatoes later in the day. I bet your nephews would love it, although your sisters may seek commital.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 11/15/2004 11:16 PM

Great article. Funniest yet. I laughed so hard you gave me a damned headache!
and the girl in the red shirt is quite lovely. Even with the mashed potato soda face.

Chestnuts roasted by daHell @ 11/15/2004 11:17 PM

Yeah, but what did the caps say?

The suffering in the name of journalsm! Kudos to you and your lovely assistants.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeeto @ 11/15/2004 11:39 PM

Ah, Matt- Thanks for taking another bullet and trying something disgusting and foul for the masses. We, the masses, appreciate it. :) Can’t wait for another Macy’s review!

Chestnuts roasted by Muppet Baby @ 11/16/2004 1:26 AM

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This entry was posted on Sunday, November 14th, 2004 at 4:36 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.