X-Entertainment | The Jones Soda Holiday Pack, reviewed.

The Jones Soda Holiday Pack, reviewed.

Okay, it's not the most important X-E article in history -- that was a lie -- but this review of the Jones Soda Holiday Pack provides the most vile materials ever found on the site. The already famous set includes cola flavors like "Turkey & Gravy" and "Green Bean Casserole," and I've enlisted the help of four friends from work to tell you how disgusting all of it is. Enjoy. Had to postpone the scheduled (ha) Macy's Parade review until next weekend, but for the sake of potato juice, you'll have to accept it.

Posted by Matt on 11/14/2004. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 188 comments

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I heard Old Dirty Bastard died…that has to be the greatest rap moniker ever.

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 11/14/2004 7:58 PM

Sweet. Awesome. Funny. Cool. Intriging. Scaring. Appaling. Cold. Flashy. Cheap. Entertaining.

Bye

Chestnuts roasted by Warx @ 11/14/2004 8:11 PM

F’n awesome article.

Chestnuts roasted by Tom @ 11/14/2004 8:46 PM

Seriously, this rocked so much that i’m ready to hunt you down and have sex with you until we break that absurd law that say that males can’t breed.
We’d probably have a turkey and green-bean little beast…our own sweety!

so thanx for the article!

Chestnuts roasted by melonian @ 11/14/2004 8:54 PM

The most important X-E article ever?…debatable. I still say Worst Witch, Hulk Hands, that Trolls video, and other rank above this one.

Still, quite awesome. I work at Eckerd’s and I know we sell Jones soda there, but I have not seen this set (though like everybody else in America, I’ve heard about it).

Matt, will you ever let us know what you had to do to get this? Please tell us you didn’t resort to eBay.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Monkey @ 11/14/2004 9:04 PM

WW and HH maybe, but the Trolls? Nahhhhh.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/14/2004 9:05 PM

article was well worth the wait!

although (and maybe i am alone in this) i was really hoping to see YOU choking down this stuff!

Chestnuts roasted by VolklMonkey @ 11/14/2004 9:22 PM

They still beat Pepsi Blue by leaps and bounds.

I’m off to now try to turn stuffing into a festive drink.

HOORAY MASHED POTATO SODA!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Adam @ 11/14/2004 9:45 PM

Great article Matt. I’ve been reading for years admiring your hard work but I’ve never left a comment…but I’ll admit its because I had to say VT is a cutie. There I said it.

Chestnuts roasted by Mikey @ 11/14/2004 9:52 PM

I’ve got a fever. And the only prescription. Is more turkey soda… baby.

So, was that your first gay sex offer to reproduce Jones Soda for the masses? I think you should mark your calender.

Oh, I wanted to ask -0 did anyone else notice that during a commercial for a movie that’s currently out in theatres, there’s a quote from someone from UGO? I can’t remember which movie it is (might be Spongebob, but don’t hold me to that). I heard it from the other room and missed most of the commercial, but I did hear the "… says (blank) at UGO.com." I thought that was pretty cool. Too bad we couldn’t think of a way to get a plug for you like that.

BTW, thanks for fixing my link, Matt. At least half of the blog wasn’t in bold print. (shrugs shoulders and eyebrows)

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 11/14/2004 9:54 PM

1. The Xmas light background rocked big time!
2. HG was a babe
3. You messed up here: "forget was (what) an awful experience this all was"
4. The cat in front of the Xmas tree is ultra cute

Chestnuts roasted by ELF @ 11/14/2004 9:56 PM

Thanks for catching that, ELF. Fixed now.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/14/2004 10:00 PM

I truly admire you and your co-workers, Matt. Gag gifts or inspired ways to part with money, it takes people with guts to suffer through soda called Turkey and Gravy. I’m just glad you’re all still among us after drinking that.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 11/14/2004 10:08 PM

Great article. I can’t imagine drinking that stuff although I did drink Jones watermelon soda and that was the nastiest soda I ever had. I wonder how it compares to the sodas in the holiday pack?

Chestnuts roasted by Meatwad @ 11/14/2004 10:37 PM

Great job on the article Matt!
Thanks!

Chestnuts roasted by Croww @ 11/14/2004 11:32 PM

I agree with ELF, HG is a babe! I thought "tastes like mashed potatoes with a side of dirty ass" was as funny as it was nasty! I loved it! I’m always amazed at the lengths to which you are willing to go for the sake of our entertainment. Thank you Matt, and all of your coworkers (especially the lovely HG).

Chestnuts roasted by Throckmorton @ 11/14/2004 11:51 PM

Well, it was well worth the wait, the article was kick ass. I think the whole testing it on the innocent thing made it. Anytime you get to see someone making their friends drink crap it’s a real treat. And Overlord, I too have suffered Chocolate Soda. Like drining week old burnt coffee.

Chestnuts roasted by Shonuf1 @ 11/15/2004 12:33 PM

Dude,
that was so disturbing. This place is located just north of me actually. I think I should go kick the arses.

Chestnuts roasted by jason @ 11/15/2004 12:39 PM

Dude,
that was so disturbing. This place is located just north of me actually. I think I should go kick the arses.

Chestnuts roasted by jason @ 11/15/2004 12:39 PM

Pity that Cranberry Sauce Soda turned out to be mediocre, I was hoping it would be good. It sounded like it would be. Anyway, awesome article, I’m sure others will agree with me when I say that we love you for putting your life on the line like that for us readers.

Chestnuts roasted by Mara @ 11/15/2004 1:47 AM

You have to wonder what those executives at Jones Drink Co. are thinking. This’ll last them for a while, but you can’t make a living off selling gross carbonations forever. And after it’s all over, the brand will carry the stigma as long as it exists, if it exists long. Once the perverted curiosity dies down, so will the turkey liquid.

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 11/15/2004 2:06 AM

They oughta do an Easter-themed Holiday Pack. That way they could have Peeps Marshmallow soda, Cadbury Creme Eggs soda, and the most evil of them all: jelly bean soda!

Anyway, I love the article. It was also a good opportunity to learn about your work situation. Of all the jobs I’ve had, I’d doubt there were any in which I would’ve been able to do this with my co-workers. Hell, I remember one time where I told a co-cworker to go fuck herself (and no, I did NOT get charged with sexual harassment or anything: she just went ahead and told me to fuck MYself. lol

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 11/15/2004 3:45 AM

Oops…made a few errors there. No wonder I can’t get a job in writing, whereas Matt can.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 11/15/2004 3:46 AM

first comment I ever made here

Nice article…. although I have tried butter cola before i’ve never seen this (being in england) and it was both morbid and funny.

Oh and there is already a song about Ocean Spray. its by a Welsh band called the Manic Street Preachers.

Chestnuts roasted by bravelybravesirrobin @ 11/15/2004 4:47 AM

Matt, Matt, Matt. Rockingly awesome article and all, but I can’t believe you forgot the grand finale. I mean, if all those sodas were awful on their own, that means you’d HAVE to mix them all into one cup and rocket into a new dimension of awful taste! Or maybe it’d create some nectar of the gods that man was never meant to taste, ergo Zeus made the ingredients five poisons man could never survive drinking.

As for the most important X-E article? I’d have to go with Hulk Hands. That article actually led to my friends buying me a set for my birthday that year, only they accidentally got me a pair of left hands. Plus, I can always look back at the bit with Matt challenging the cat and laugh every time. Think I’ll go do that right now.

(Also, S.D.’s cell #, please.)

Chestnuts roasted by Gavok @ 11/15/2004 5:14 AM

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