X-Entertainment's Christmas Season & Advent Calendar, 2008.

11/14/2004: The Jones Soda Holiday Pack, reviewed.

Okay, it’s not the most important X-E article in history — that was a lie — but this review of the Jones Soda Holiday Pack provides the most vile materials ever found on the site. The already famous set includes cola flavors like “Turkey & Gravy” and “Green Bean Casserole,” and I’ve enlisted the help of four friends from work to tell you how disgusting all of it is. Enjoy. Had to postpone the scheduled (ha) Macy’s Parade review until next weekend, but for the sake of potato juice, you’ll have to accept it.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 188 comments

Firsties? Firsties?!?

Posted by VeganMike @ 11/14/2004 4:54 PM EST

There it is, baby. Nectar of the demi-gods.

Now that I got that off my chest, I’m going to read the article. Whee!

Posted by trajeal @ 11/14/2004 4:55 PM EST

i hope the new job ain’t that cool, because you’re gonna get nothing but hell from your co-workers

Posted by urquidez @ 11/14/2004 4:58 PM EST

My tastebuds killed themselves one by one as I was reading.

Posted by jessica @ 11/14/2004 4:59 PM EST

Hmmm…so Fruitcake was the best out of the 5? Interesting…

Best. Article. Ever.

Posted by Invader Norbert @ 11/14/2004 5:02 PM EST

Norbert- I agree, this was prolly one of the best articles in XE history. I think anytime we get a look into Matt’s private life, it carries some kind of special significance. (hey everyone loves their host rite?)

You didn’t offer any to your boss did you?

Posted by ANdrew @ 11/14/2004 5:21 PM EST

yum, baby…YUMMMM

Posted by phunqsauce @ 11/14/2004 5:23 PM EST

Man usually green bean caserole makes me sick. I bet its all the MsG in the little Crunchy French’s things on top though. I wonder if the soda would make me sick too. They should do forth of July holiday pack with Hot Dog and Hamburger soda and macoroni and potato salad soda. I wonder what other holidays they could do.

Posted by Pat @ 11/14/2004 5:24 PM EST

Wow, what a long article. Sweet!

You should link the owl pellet to the owl pellet dissection you did awhile ago. That was a great article. http://www.x-entertainment.com/articles/0715/

So, what number in the sequence did you get? Are you saving the bottles? Did you save some to give to Brent and Candice to drink on the air?

Thank you, VS, SD, HG and VT for your participation. Without you, the pictures would have been so boring (since we hardly ever see Matt’s face when it’s not hidden behind dark sunglasses or swirly contact lenses). Also, your added handwriten notes really shook things up.

Posted by trajeal @ 11/14/2004 5:24 PM EST

Speaking of nasty drinks I almost puked when I saw those people choking down those rat smoothies on Fear Factor. I caught the footage on Best Week Ever on VH-1. VH-1 seems to be more concerned about pop culture than videos these days but thats not entirely bad except whenever they have that bastard comedian Ant on one of their shows…ugh.

Posted by phunqsauce @ 11/14/2004 5:26 PM EST

Ah, Jones Soda… a love affair I do share with you… The soda tends to have a few goods flavours that will rock you pretty silly, but then they have some flavours that are extreme misses. It’s weird, they either make them really good, or so bad you want to stab yourself in the nipples.

Posted by Andre @ 11/14/2004 5:29 PM EST

Woah, that’s one of the more disgusting things I’ve ever heard of.. niiiiice!

Thanks to Matt, VS, SD, HG and VT for putting your lives on the line for the greater good.
I’m going to go drink some amonia now; I bet that will taste better than this stuff.

Posted by Cyanyde @ 11/14/2004 5:31 PM EST

Oh yeah, and I can’t forget to mention how much Hal Sparks and that gap-toothed dude suck too. I’d rather have sulferic acid dropped in my eyes slowly and get thousands of papercuts on my nutsack.

Posted by phunqsauce @ 11/14/2004 5:32 PM EST

Funny how my girlfriend and I were talking about this sort of thing last night…we were in the local 24-hour ScaryHomelessBumMart™ looking for snacks and happened past "Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans".

Hurl-flavored jellybeans, you now have the Chardonnay to your smooth, creamy Brie.

Posted by MonsterDog @ 11/14/2004 5:33 PM EST

the soda not withstanding… It’s good to see that every floor full of cubicles that MTV has looks exactly the same no matter what building.

Posted by Trippy the 8th Dwarf @ 11/14/2004 5:37 PM EST

Phunqsauce, ITA w/ you about Ant. You’re gay, we get it, dude. Dat Phan’s mother is annoying, and you’re gay. Okie dokie. Move on now.

Although, I do happen to like Hal Sparks. Calling his followers "Hal-epenos" (in reference to David Koresh calling his followers the "Davidians (or Shrist calling his followers "Christians, natch)) actually made me LOL. I don’t agree w/ his political views at all, but he has great comedic timing. Wasn’t he on Queer as Folk, too?
I’m not sure which gap toothed guy you’re taling about. Mo Rocca? Ian Micheal Taylor Thomas Black? David Letterman?

Posted by trajeal @ 11/14/2004 5:47 PM EST

Wow.. I can’t believe anyone would have the cajones to drink that crap. Still, pretty good article. Can’t wait for the Macy’s reviews.. Best part of the season articles, even if it is only the second year.

Posted by Chad "1m" Mosher @ 11/14/2004 6:06 PM EST

Recipe for actual green bean casserole: click here.

Posted by trajeal @ 11/14/2004 6:25 PM EST

I, at first, wanted to try those just for the heck of it. But, it seems that they’re in very short supply… And also very disgusting. Well, I don’t have to find out for myself, now. You’ve done the world a great service, Matt.

Too many damn commas…

Posted by Paul Ortego @ 11/14/2004 6:25 PM EST

That… was… AWESOME! The only thing I don’t like about your webstie, Matt, is that it usually makes me want to search for whatever it is you review. And I either don’t find it and sink into a deep depression or i do find it and waste $100 on something like turkey soda, and then i sink into a deep depression because i spent $100 on turkey soda or some such nonsense.
anyways… rock rock on.

Posted by mysteryguycalvin @ 11/14/2004 6:28 PM EST

"Everyone likes mashed potatoes, but choking down the juiced form reminds me of the time I got a rare spider bite and was told by the witch doctor that the only way to live was by drinking the relived liquid of his parrot. I still can’t believe I fell for it, the guy so didn’t look like a real witch doctor."

Best line of the article.

Oh, and the gap-toothed guy on Best Week Ever is comedian Paul F Tompkins, he had his own Comedy Central Presents about a year ago

Posted by Invader Norbert @ 11/14/2004 6:37 PM EST

That reminds me, i was gonna ask you if you could start providing links or something that we could get some of the crap put up on this site… starting w/ the treehouse trolls DVD which I’ve unsucessfully tried to dig up.

Posted by ANdrew @ 11/14/2004 6:39 PM EST

Those sodas sound like they would taste nastier than this kind of Faygo chocolate soda I tried once. Never again. Chocolate is one thing that NEVER should be made into a soda pop flavor. There’s also a cocoanut creme kind too. Eeeew.

Does anybody know what I’m talking
about with Faygo,or is it just a Midwest thing?

Posted by Overlord @ 11/14/2004 7:22 PM EST

Matt, great article! You’ve almost never included your social life in an article. Anyway, can you put your website in an ad you do? Maybe subliminally or something. It would probably get a lot of viewers on you website.

Posted by TOM @ 11/14/2004 7:34 PM EST

I’m still wiping the tears out of my eyes from the comment about the mashed potato flavour - "Tastes like mashed potatos with a side of dirty ass." Even just thinking about it now is making me burst into laughter again. Great article Matt, and great friends to be your guinea pigs.

Can’t wait for the next round of Macy’s parade reviews…

Posted by Ninj @ 11/14/2004 7:43 PM EST

I heard Old Dirty Bastard died…that has to be the greatest rap moniker ever.

Posted by phunqsauce @ 11/14/2004 7:58 PM EST

Sweet. Awesome. Funny. Cool. Intriging. Scaring. Appaling. Cold. Flashy. Cheap. Entertaining.

Bye

Posted by Warx @ 11/14/2004 8:11 PM EST

F’n awesome article.

Posted by Tom @ 11/14/2004 8:46 PM EST

Seriously, this rocked so much that i’m ready to hunt you down and have sex with you until we break that absurd law that say that males can’t breed.
We’d probably have a turkey and green-bean little beast…our own sweety!

so thanx for the article!

Posted by melonian @ 11/14/2004 8:54 PM EST

The most important X-E article ever?…debatable. I still say Worst Witch, Hulk Hands, that Trolls video, and other rank above this one.

Still, quite awesome. I work at Eckerd’s and I know we sell Jones soda there, but I have not seen this set (though like everybody else in America, I’ve heard about it).

Matt, will you ever let us know what you had to do to get this? Please tell us you didn’t resort to eBay.

Posted by Darth Monkey @ 11/14/2004 9:04 PM EST

WW and HH maybe, but the Trolls? Nahhhhh.

Posted by Matt @ 11/14/2004 9:05 PM EST

article was well worth the wait!

although (and maybe i am alone in this) i was really hoping to see YOU choking down this stuff!

Posted by VolklMonkey @ 11/14/2004 9:22 PM EST

They still beat Pepsi Blue by leaps and bounds.

I’m off to now try to turn stuffing into a festive drink.

HOORAY MASHED POTATO SODA!!!

Posted by Adam @ 11/14/2004 9:45 PM EST

Great article Matt. I’ve been reading for years admiring your hard work but I’ve never left a comment…but I’ll admit its because I had to say VT is a cutie. There I said it.

Posted by Mikey @ 11/14/2004 9:52 PM EST

I’ve got a fever. And the only prescription. Is more turkey soda… baby.

So, was that your first gay sex offer to reproduce Jones Soda for the masses? I think you should mark your calender.

Oh, I wanted to ask -0 did anyone else notice that during a commercial for a movie that’s currently out in theatres, there’s a quote from someone from UGO? I can’t remember which movie it is (might be Spongebob, but don’t hold me to that). I heard it from the other room and missed most of the commercial, but I did hear the "… says (blank) at UGO.com." I thought that was pretty cool. Too bad we couldn’t think of a way to get a plug for you like that.

BTW, thanks for fixing my link, Matt. At least half of the blog wasn’t in bold print. (shrugs shoulders and eyebrows)

Posted by trajeal @ 11/14/2004 9:54 PM EST

1. The Xmas light background rocked big time!
2. HG was a babe
3. You messed up here: "forget was (what) an awful experience this all was"
4. The cat in front of the Xmas tree is ultra cute

Posted by ELF @ 11/14/2004 9:56 PM EST

Thanks for catching that, ELF. Fixed now.

Posted by Matt @ 11/14/2004 10:00 PM EST

I truly admire you and your co-workers, Matt. Gag gifts or inspired ways to part with money, it takes people with guts to suffer through soda called Turkey and Gravy. I’m just glad you’re all still among us after drinking that.

Posted by starwenn @ 11/14/2004 10:08 PM EST

Great article. I can’t imagine drinking that stuff although I did drink Jones watermelon soda and that was the nastiest soda I ever had. I wonder how it compares to the sodas in the holiday pack?

Posted by Meatwad @ 11/14/2004 10:37 PM EST

Great job on the article Matt!
Thanks!

Posted by Croww @ 11/14/2004 11:32 PM EST

I agree with ELF, HG is a babe! I thought "tastes like mashed potatoes with a side of dirty ass" was as funny as it was nasty! I loved it! I’m always amazed at the lengths to which you are willing to go for the sake of our entertainment. Thank you Matt, and all of your coworkers (especially the lovely HG).

Posted by Throckmorton @ 11/14/2004 11:51 PM EST

Pity that Cranberry Sauce Soda turned out to be mediocre, I was hoping it would be good. It sounded like it would be. Anyway, awesome article, I’m sure others will agree with me when I say that we love you for putting your life on the line like that for us readers.

Posted by Mara @ 11/15/2004 1:47 AM EST

You have to wonder what those executives at Jones Drink Co. are thinking. This’ll last them for a while, but you can’t make a living off selling gross carbonations forever. And after it’s all over, the brand will carry the stigma as long as it exists, if it exists long. Once the perverted curiosity dies down, so will the turkey liquid.

Posted by Mars @ 11/15/2004 2:06 AM EST

They oughta do an Easter-themed Holiday Pack. That way they could have Peeps Marshmallow soda, Cadbury Creme Eggs soda, and the most evil of them all: jelly bean soda!

Anyway, I love the article. It was also a good opportunity to learn about your work situation. Of all the jobs I’ve had, I’d doubt there were any in which I would’ve been able to do this with my co-workers. Hell, I remember one time where I told a co-cworker to go fuck herself (and no, I did NOT get charged with sexual harassment or anything: she just went ahead and told me to fuck MYself. lol

Posted by Nate @ 11/15/2004 3:45 AM EST

Oops…made a few errors there. No wonder I can’t get a job in writing, whereas Matt can.

Posted by Nate @ 11/15/2004 3:46 AM EST

first comment I ever made here

Nice article…. although I have tried butter cola before i’ve never seen this (being in england) and it was both morbid and funny.

Oh and there is already a song about Ocean Spray. its by a Welsh band called the Manic Street Preachers.

Posted by bravelybravesirrobin @ 11/15/2004 4:47 AM EST

Matt, Matt, Matt. Rockingly awesome article and all, but I can’t believe you forgot the grand finale. I mean, if all those sodas were awful on their own, that means you’d HAVE to mix them all into one cup and rocket into a new dimension of awful taste! Or maybe it’d create some nectar of the gods that man was never meant to taste, ergo Zeus made the ingredients five poisons man could never survive drinking.

As for the most important X-E article? I’d have to go with Hulk Hands. That article actually led to my friends buying me a set for my birthday that year, only they accidentally got me a pair of left hands. Plus, I can always look back at the bit with Matt challenging the cat and laugh every time. Think I’ll go do that right now.

(Also, S.D.’s cell #, please.)

Posted by Gavok @ 11/15/2004 5:14 AM EST

HG = cute. :¬)

Thank you for confirming my suspicions, Matt. Now I know that I can live a full life without ever touching those vile bottles. Ever.

Posted by The ORIGINAL Paul @ 11/15/2004 5:57 AM EST

Huh, I was halfway expecting cranberry to be the best out of the bunch, (likes the idea of a sweet cranberry soda)

Posted by J @ 11/15/2004 6:05 AM EST

YES! i dont even know what a greenbean casserole is!

Posted by manny phesto @ 11/15/2004 6:42 AM EST

vt is a cutie

Posted by loser @ 11/15/2004 6:42 AM EST

Posted by sonmanic @ 11/15/2004 7:27 AM EST

how festive of Jones Soda to market a beverage that induces chronic vomiting. Great article by the way!

Posted by sonmanic @ 11/15/2004 7:28 AM EST

Hey there:) I read your site all the time and was thrilled to see this review!! My boyfriend had just mentioned to me the other day about the Turkey and Gravy Soda, he’s never actually tried it but did recall when they sold it individually. It kind of makes one a bit curious to try it but since I’m most likely not getting my hands on a pack I’m guessing I’m out of "luck";)

Posted by Core @ 11/15/2004 8:16 AM EST

I am a morning radio host in Grand
Rapids, Mi.
We interviewed the president of
Jones Soda and tasted the product.
I was the first of the crew to taste…it was the Green Bean Casserole…I felt ill for hours
afterward. Numerous beers were required to dull the taste of the
vile substance. It is indeed not
meant for drinking.

Posted by Ed Buchanan @ 11/15/2004 8:41 AM EST

So does this mean Matt and X-E can get a plug on your show?

Semper Fi,
Erik Majorwitz

Posted by EMajorwitz @ 11/15/2004 8:57 AM EST

VT is quite the fine *does stupid little "hang loose" hand motion to head.."call me"*..or, um…*"air types"*.."im me"…hehe
b r a d

Posted by cycoyuk @ 11/15/2004 9:23 AM EST

Only really good friends would taste test something that sounds horrendous. Which reminds me of my friend Erika. Oh yeah, I’m like that too. We’d probably taste test it if you asked, Matt. Seeing my face after drinking ANYTHING is worth the price of admission, except you don’t have to pay to see it. Great article, as always!!!

Posted by Allison @ 11/15/2004 10:35 AM EST

Thanks for reviewing this stuff, but did you actually have to drink it to know it was a bad idea? And what planet are you from, California? We already have cranberry soda (regular and diet) in New England. It’s quite good–tastes like cranberry juice with soda water. There is also a soda bottling company here in Connecticut called Avery’s that will let you come in with your kids and mix any soda flavor you like. So if you decide you want to try roast beef and nasturtiums pop or pork bellies with chocolate chips pop, come on down and get a kid to mix it up for you.

Posted by Dave's Mother-in-Law @ 11/15/2004 10:39 AM EST

HG is very hot.

Great review. I’ll be sure to buy these sodas, re-label them, and deliver them to my enemies

Posted by Mike @ 11/15/2004 11:27 AM EST

Could be worse…… They could have made The Italian Fish Dinner 7 pack…
Especially bad since most of the fish are dried, salt cured or canned in oil

Imagine, the soda flavors of my Christmas Eve

(sorry for not knowing the proper spelling)

Baccala – Dried Salt Cod Stew flavor, Or carbonate the water left over after soaking the fish for 2 weeks.

Aliche Crunch - crumbly topping of tiny oily fish mashed into stale bread. Fish Oil Flavor w/ chunky bits

Calamari Spaghettini – In the good name of the squid, This just can’t be done

Smelt fritters– The 3” fish you fry and eat whole bones and all. Soda that could get stuck in your esophagus.

The other 7 flavors – More Salty Fishy garlic oil soda

Posted by Angela @ 11/15/2004 11:37 AM EST

What’s the deal with getting the first post? I think the bigger deal is getting the last post. Go me!

(awful drink by the way, looks like dog puke)

Posted by Gaz @ 11/15/2004 11:39 AM EST

Good stuff. Definitely worth the wait.

Posted by J-Dog @ 11/15/2004 11:43 AM EST

Now we all know the true reason your coworkers agreed to do this… so they can get dates with strangers from the Internet!

Posted by D @ 11/15/2004 11:56 AM EST

[[shudder]]

I just was at the Jones Soda site (randomly actually) last Friday and ran into this lovely…uh…product. Since some of the flavors already freak me out, the prospect of a Thanksgiving theme complete with Turky and Gravy and Mashed Potatos curdled my blood. Blech. Glad I don’t have to taste it now even if it’s at the expense of the test subjects.

Posted by shelly @ 11/15/2004 12:00 PM EST

I can’t believe the creepy label on the Cranberry Soda didn’t get a comment. Pedophile Santa with two shirtless young lads on his lap? Ick.

Posted by Rob @ 11/15/2004 12:27 PM EST

Anybody want to join my VT fan site?

Great article, Matt. The Jones Soda Co. headquarters is about 2 blocks from where I work. I’ll have to go down there at lunch and beg for some Green Bean Casserole Soda.

Posted by Chris @ 11/15/2004 12:29 PM EST

"Whoever drinks this or green bean is like, woah."

I fell in love with VT after this remark. That great, funny way to express herself, combined with her good looks, make her a dreamwoman to me. Matt, please put her in more articles!

Posted by Sjoerd @ 11/15/2004 12:33 PM EST

Well, it was well worth the wait, the article was kick ass. I think the whole testing it on the innocent thing made it. Anytime you get to see someone making their friends drink crap it’s a real treat. And Overlord, I too have suffered Chocolate Soda. Like drining week old burnt coffee.

Posted by Shonuf1 @ 11/15/2004 12:33 PM EST

Dude,
that was so disturbing. This place is located just north of me actually. I think I should go kick the arses.

Posted by jason @ 11/15/2004 12:39 PM EST

Dude,
that was so disturbing. This place is located just north of me actually. I think I should go kick the arses.

Posted by jason @ 11/15/2004 12:39 PM EST

Man only if I could get a bottle of that green bean crap…I wonder if I could put my self up to the challange of drinking the whole bottle…where do i get me a genie and talk to the devil so I can get a bottle….

Posted by LordSorrow @ 11/15/2004 12:41 PM EST

You’ve done a great service to society. Also wanted to re-affirm the babeness of HG and propose a women of X-E contest.

Posted by K @ 11/15/2004 1:20 PM EST

My posts have disappeared like the Great GOB’s magic show rabbit. Sniff.

Posted by trajeal @ 11/15/2004 1:54 PM EST

Sorry Traj — was trying to fix your coding, but the browser started wigging out. Had to zip out on a deleted entry to avoid any potental foul-ups.

Posted by Matt @ 11/15/2004 2:08 PM EST

Wow. I’d so go try some Jones soda now if my school didn’t charge $2 a pop when I can just run down through the skyway and get a can of Pepsi for 50 cents. Huh.

Am I the only one on this website that actually LIKES greenbean casserole? The real dish I mean. C’mon, it’s good. I probably eat more of it than I do turkey. I’m not real big on the whole turkey thing… and my grandmother sort of sucks at gravy.

Not that I’d tell her that. She pays for half my tuition after all.

Glad you’re still here Matt. Albeit, mentally and physically scarred forever.

Posted by Sucrose @ 11/15/2004 2:29 PM EST

I don’t know how I never heard of this if the hype was as big as you said it was. Oh well. At least I didn’t try it.

Posted by The Dragonrider @ 11/15/2004 2:37 PM EST

So this is the famous Turkey and Gravy soda I heard about.

People that I told about this weird flavored drink seem to share the sentiments of your taste testers, Matt.

Posted by Bert Raccoon @ 11/15/2004 3:00 PM EST

I HOPE A SHARK EATS YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE!

hahahahhahahahhaha
best line ever!

Posted by Richard @ 11/15/2004 3:29 PM EST

Matt, did you end up seeing Seed of Chucky? If you did, was it good?

Posted by J-Dog @ 11/15/2004 3:45 PM EST

omg those all look gross, with the exception of cranberry soda. Big ups to the taste testers. On a much lighter note, HEY VS…NICE SHOES…WANNA FUCK?

Posted by minutemike @ 11/15/2004 3:47 PM EST

Hey Matt,
I have found somewhere on your site that you were selling $50 gift packs with various stuff in them, still doing that, need a christmas present and I want to tell them I don’t know what they are getting as I hand them the box.

Posted by soda fan @ 11/15/2004 4:01 PM EST

J-Dog: I saw Seed of chucky last night. It was cheesy beyond belief (as can be expected) but I didn’t walk out on it as I would have for numerous other movies, so aparently it wasn’t *that* bad.

As an aside: Jennifer Tilly is one of the more unique actresses ever. If you like her style of acting then you’ll love S.O.C.

Posted by Cyanyde @ 11/15/2004 5:01 PM EST

Hey Matt, this article got greenlit on Fark’s main page today, and guess who submitted it???

…me. Oh yeah, I finally passed my road test today! yay

Posted by Invader Norbert @ 11/15/2004 5:17 PM EST

I’m probably not the first to say this, but you must remember that Jones Soda’s NON-joke flavors kick all kinds of ass. We’re talking about a company that makes a soda called "Blue Bubblegum," and makes it FUCKING DELICIOUS!!! Where else would I get my Green Apple Soda fix? All shall bow to Jones Soda, ruler of Canada… and soon, the world!

Posted by Magic Flyin' Lemur @ 11/15/2004 5:41 PM EST

STOP BLOCKING ME!!! JIBBER JABBER!!

I mixed that cranberry stuff with vodka… it was tasty… now Im drunk and this morning I was too.

Posted by Mr. T @ 11/15/2004 5:46 PM EST

The Provider was down until just a few minutes ago, so I just finished reading the article. I come from tribes of great hunters of buffalo, fierce warriors, excellent horsemen, and possibly a famous old west bandit, but, with this entry, you have proved yourself to be more of a man than I’ll ever strive to be. A lot more brave, at the least.

Posted by kingklash is late to the party! @ 11/15/2004 5:47 PM EST

whats going on with santa and those two kids on the cranberry one??? Is that real??? Does anybody else think that the pic is a little..ummmmmmmm. whats the word im looking for??? WRONG?

Posted by zombone @ 11/15/2004 5:58 PM EST

those chicks were hot.

Posted by Hammer @ 11/15/2004 7:06 PM EST

If you have any left, mix them together. Call it turkey dinner. That would be the most "fowl".

Posted by TerdFergusson @ 11/15/2004 7:11 PM EST

Sucrose, I like green bean casserole (the real stuff) so your not alone ^_^
Invader Norbert, it was you! I submitted this article on Fark too, but you already beat me to it, guess the important thing is it got the green light =)
Great article Matt, but are they still your friends? ^_~

/I’d drink gross shit for Matt

Posted by *M*S*I* @ 11/15/2004 7:13 PM EST

Matt, just saw the Spongebob Watches commercial. It is hillarious. Of course, it had nothing to dow ith Spongebob but, besides that, it was great.

Posted by TOM @ 11/15/2004 7:22 PM EST

Oh! And Matt, thanks for the first-to-my-knowledge mention of the word "vegan" in an X-E article

BTW… everyone is wrong about the best X-E article ever. The best article ever is about a wrestler called the Shockmaster. You’ll have to use Google to actually find it, I think, but every time I read it I laugh like crazy

AND… if someone gets me a case of this Jones Soda, I will drink every bottle all the way down on camera (not that I have a camera, but I will procure one) and send the video to Matt to host on X-E.

Posted by VeganMike @ 11/15/2004 7:32 PM EST

i love h.g.

that is all.

Posted by marbotty @ 11/15/2004 7:37 PM EST

TOM, I caught the ad that would fit Matt’s description, but was suprised that it featured a couple of characters from Burger King’s take-off of "The Office" commercials from this past summer. You can watch the earlier commercials here (Pages 8-9, then 11-20), so hopefully Matt’s will be there soon as well:
http://www.cpbgroup.com/FrameC...cificClient=8&ClientID=55

Posted by ME @ 11/15/2004 8:09 PM EST

"My" commercial didn’t feature any characters — it’s all graphical, with the watches bubbling out of the sea and transitioning in front of the camera, etc.

Posted by Matt @ 11/15/2004 9:23 PM EST

My favorite part of your ad was the hook w/ all of the watches wrapped around the wrist. Hee!

Are those bottles twist offs or do you need a keyring? You should refill them w/ something as close in color as possible and bring them to Thanksgiving dinner. Maybe koolaid or even Ecto Cooler for the green bean cassarole. Then, shock your family and friends when you down each bottle and then belch in a satisfied way. No one would believe you could down mashed potato soda and still eat actual mashed potatoes later in the day. I bet your nephews would love it, although your sisters may seek commital.

Posted by trajeal @ 11/15/2004 11:16 PM EST

Great article. Funniest yet. I laughed so hard you gave me a damned headache!
and the girl in the red shirt is quite lovely. Even with the mashed potato soda face.

Posted by daHell @ 11/15/2004 11:17 PM EST

Yeah, but what did the caps say?

The suffering in the name of journalsm! Kudos to you and your lovely assistants.

Posted by Jeeto @ 11/15/2004 11:39 PM EST

Ah, Matt- Thanks for taking another bullet and trying something disgusting and foul for the masses. We, the masses, appreciate it. :) Can’t wait for another Macy’s review!

Posted by Muppet Baby @ 11/16/2004 1:26 AM EST

Wow. Matt finally found some people to eat/drink the stuff he does. Where were they for the Chef Boyardee, and the Hi-C?

Posted by TOP1214 @ 11/16/2004 3:07 AM EST

You know, I wonder what Tommy Dreamer makes of all of this.

Posted by Gavok @ 11/16/2004 3:53 AM EST

I have two questions: What sick freak came up with the idea of green bean casserole soda and what is he smoking?

Posted by Yama @ 11/16/2004 8:23 AM EST

I must confess, I wish you’d put more pictures of VT and less pictures of plastic squirrels.

Posted by Cobra Soldier #18 @ 11/16/2004 9:57 AM EST

i love this site and all affiliated with it. i want VT’s number.

Posted by Riki Tiki Tomo @ 11/16/2004 11:07 AM EST

Did anyone else catch Tom Goes to the Mayor on Sunday? It was some funny shit. Not hilarious but it was funny. Its good to see they are adding to the adult swim lineup with non anime shows. Not that I don’t like anime necessarily but I’d rather watch some wacky comedy (although that Lupin the Third show was kinda funny just because it was really stupid).

Posted by phunqsauce @ 11/16/2004 11:27 AM EST

More VT and more plastic squirrelseses!

Posted by kingklash @ 11/16/2004 12:12 PM EST

Matt, I’m sorry for the mistake, but have you seen the one I am talking about? It is the geekier office character giving the attractive office woman character Spongebob watches in hopes they can be more than friends, but she tells him that it won’t.

Posted by ME @ 11/16/2004 12:23 PM EST

http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/pokchichoose.jpg

I’ve recently stumbled upon a strange area of the site as you can see from the link above. Looks like all the articles are listed in order and there are also some weird photos, like the one in the link above dropped in for good measure.

HEY MATT, Who is that dude?

Posted by Pedro @ 11/16/2004 1:46 PM EST

HG is kinda cute. VT, too.

That is all.

Posted by Monte @ 11/16/2004 2:06 PM EST

Matt my kid saw your commercial and now he is a proud owner of a sbsp watch. I’m only glad he can’t read yet otherwise I might’ve had to find this nasty ass soda. I agree with Ninj on the best line. I laughed so hard my throat hurt.

Keep em coming Matt!!!

Posted by punkrockmom24_7 @ 11/16/2004 2:47 PM EST

Matt, we’re truly not worthy. I kneel and bow to you and your friends for a) finding this stuff b) consuming a limited numbered set that could have fetched hundreds of dollars on eBay and c) drinking it.

I would have thunk the cranberry to be good. I can buy President’s Choice Cranberry Sparkling Soda Pop Soft Drink (or something like that) here and it’s actually quite tasty, a bit tart just the way it should be.

If you run out of vile/weird stuff to eat or drink, come north of the border and you can get the grand tour. I’m sure my hubby will let you sleep on our couch with the cats (especially since he read your Halloween post where you put a vampire cape on your kitty). We’ll introduce you to the delightful grossness of Coffee Crisp milkshakes which is a drink based on a chocolate bar that’s based on a drink. Or you could review poutine (which Jones should try to turn into a soda)

trajeal, we could share host duties, and get him some chicken wings potato chips?

Posted by Yzziefrog @ 11/16/2004 5:15 PM EST

santa…two half naked boys..does anybody else find this strange?

Posted by zombone @ 11/16/2004 5:56 PM EST

Matt could come to CT anytime. I hope he brings earplugs, though. Three little girls can get very screechy. But, hey! We have Moxie here. Lots of fresh venison. Pumpkin flavored ice cream.

Don’t you guys have ketchup flavored potato chips in Canada?

Let’s send him to Louisianna and feed him crawfish jumbalaya w/ a side of that yooge snake Adam Sandler ate in Waterboy.

Posted by trajeal @ 11/16/2004 8:08 PM EST

you bought it

Posted by loshermanos @ 11/16/2004 10:08 PM EST

and to think some people think that beverly (a nasty-tasting soda that they have at epcot for free) is the worst soda ever.

Posted by figment1988 @ 11/16/2004 10:57 PM EST

DAMMIT!!! TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF TOM VISITS THE MAYOR!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by phunqsauce @ 11/16/2004 11:14 PM EST

HG is sodalicious!

Posted by Hattie @ 11/16/2004 11:36 PM EST

Got 2 sets pre-ordered for this Thursday, can’t wait. Great article Matt!

Posted by jayce @ 11/17/2004 2:30 AM EST

how do your female co-workers feel about being oogled by x-e readers nationwide, matt?

Posted by cartvandal @ 11/17/2004 5:31 AM EST

haha yea, how do they feel? haha yea i must admit vt is cutie, my coworkers all think so too.

Posted by manny phesto @ 11/17/2004 7:22 AM EST

Matt- Last night I had a vivid and powerful dream about you, me and the XE Christmas Countdown….I dreamed (drempt?) that I DROVE (no small feat, since I just moved to Korea) to your place to give you a copy of "Muppet Family Christmas", the best damn Xmas special ever, since you didnt have a copy….I had to come online right away and ask- DO YOU KNOW OF THIS AMAZING XMAS SPECIAL? It has everyone- the Muppets, the Sesame Street Gang AND….the FRAGGLES! All things Henson, combined for Xmas!!!

Posted by Muppet Baby @ 11/17/2004 8:18 AM EST

VS SAYS:
"I will never drink this again. Ever."

Posted by dfgddg @ 11/17/2004 10:03 AM EST

Trajeal-I’m in Louisiana, we could all take turns hosting Matt! It would be like XE on the road, finding strange cultural quirks across the country, perhaps the world!

But then, I do live in a dorm, not the best guest accommodations here, so perhaps this idea is flawed.

Posted by Mara @ 11/17/2004 12:14 PM EST

Also-

Does anyone else feel the love between the kid that’s about to get it’s face pecked off and the turkey on the Turkey and Gravy soda label?

Posted by Mara @ 11/17/2004 12:17 PM EST

ya man, ketchup chips are the cats pajamas up here,im surprised theyre not in the states its just such a regular thing here

Posted by diarrhea dave @ 11/17/2004 12:24 PM EST

tom goes to the mayor was wierd.

Posted by zombone @ 11/17/2004 1:28 PM EST

Hmmm… ketchup potato chips… the best ones leave your fingers really red. Now I have a craving. Maybe I’ll have to go out and get some with some Hiliday Spice Pepsi - for colour co-ordination.

I tried it the other day and it wasn’t half as bad as I expected it to be.

We can send Matt to Newfoundland so he can try something called Screech - this stuff will fry your brain better than acid, punch a hole through your stomach and turn your mouth into a wasteland. Good drinking times. Maybe Screech mixed with Green Bean Soda would actually taste good - or at least you wouldn’t care about the taste anyhow.

Posted by Yzziefrog @ 11/17/2004 9:02 PM EST

Lol! Screech! I grew up in Nova Scotia.. Many a weekend was spent in Newfoundland..

Ahhhhh memories!

Posted by Cyanyde @ 11/17/2004 9:23 PM EST

We should hook Matt up w/ John Ratzenburger so they can tour North America and eat poutine and fried oysters while riding John Deere tractors and playing banjos. Now, that would be a show I’d watch every week.

I found a TMNT chap stick from 1990 a the thrift store today. There’s no way I’m trying it, so you’ll have to leave the flavor up to your imagination. Hey, I have kids to raise. I don’t think social security would be too keen on paying out for someone who died from tasting 14 year old chap stick. Well, at least my kids would have a good story to tell.

Posted by trajeal @ 11/18/2004 1:48 AM EST

Traj-What flavor does the label indicate? Strawberry? Lime? Turtle?

Posted by Nate @ 11/18/2004 3:37 AM EST

Or how about ninja flavored chapstick? Hmm. Ninja-flavoured. I like the sound of that. Ninja-Flavored popsicles. Ninja-Flavored candy. Ninja-Flavored condoms? I think I’m the first person on the internet to ever say "Ninja-Flavored." Just like how I was the first to say "bandana ice cream." Can you guess what I was talking about? It also had to to do with TMNT.

Posted by Nate @ 11/18/2004 3:41 AM EST

Dammit, where is Matt? I need to know if he knows what I am talking about….does ANYONE know about the magic of the "Muppet Family Xmas" special??

Posted by Muppet Baby @ 11/18/2004 5:45 AM EST

"but if renegotiating your mouse pointer and typing in "Google" is way too much work"

How well you know me, Matt.

Awesome article.

Posted by Molten @ 11/18/2004 6:13 AM EST

Whew, both this and Fark went down yasserday. I wet myself… mentally.

Posted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 11/18/2004 6:16 AM EST

No shit, this and Fark are the only sites I care about. I went through a whole ordeal that involved switching out my computer with one that ended up not working, only to hook my old one back up and discover it was a server problem. I was about to cry I felt so stupid. I was positive it was my crappy computer too, so at least my compie is safe from the trash heap for another day ^_^
Joy to the world, X-E and Fark are back
And in other news, I desperately need a life =P

Posted by *M*S*I* @ 11/18/2004 7:07 AM EST

Nate, it’s cherry flavored. Well, that’s what it says, anyway. It smells like plain wax. It’s still pinkish, though.

Posted by trajeal @ 11/18/2004 10:48 AM EST

It articles like this that make me remember why I LOVE this website so much!

Posted by Meg @ 11/18/2004 11:27 AM EST

The temporary lockout happened here, too. I panicked, but later that day, my oldest nephew said there were problems accessing at his school. So I quit whimpering and crawled out of the corner and got back to sub-normal.

Posted by kingklash @ 11/18/2004 11:27 AM EST

Kinglash, I also freaked out. The thought of losing x-e.com depresses me.

Posted by J-Dog @ 11/18/2004 2:14 PM EST

I guess I’m not the only obsessive one. When I clicked on it at work and I got the error message, I almost hyperventilated. Then I checked later at home and the same thing happened. I thought that maybe Matt had taken the site down to put up the Christmas scheme. But no suck luck

Posted by Y2JB78 @ 11/18/2004 2:24 PM EST

There was one time where I thought X-E was down for good. I was new to X-E at the time, and I tried to log on once. What I got was something saying that the domain name was for sale. I should’ve realised that the URL I had entered was "www.xentertainment.com" I spent ten minutes wondering why would sell such a fun and extensive website only to realise that I had entered the wrong URL. LOL

Posted by Nate @ 11/18/2004 2:39 PM EST

I live in Ny and Faygo is the white trash endorsed soft drink around here.
BTW, RedPop is the best flavor ever.

Posted by Evan @ 11/18/2004 2:39 PM EST

Correction:
In sert "Matt" between "why" and "would."

Oh, and thanks for responding, Traj. Hmmm. Cherry-flavored TMNT chapstick. I wonder if it’s anything like your run-of-the-mill cherry-flavored candy. Probably not, but I guess I’ll never know.

Posted by Nate @ 11/18/2004 2:42 PM EST

Screech will turn your insides into a molten black hole of death. Your mouth will be on fire! I’d prefer to eat stank ass ketchup chips anyday than drink that vile stuff. It’s always fun to go down to George and watch the tourists stagger around trying to find somewhere to spit the crap out! :) MUPPET BABY: The Muppet Family Christmas comes on T.V. every year at least 500 times. Start looking for it next month.

Posted by don't open those stinky-ass ketchup chips in my car!! @ 11/18/2004 2:59 PM EST

Ridley Scott’s HALO?
http://www.aintitcoolnews.com/display.cgi?id=18842
I would hope this please Mr. Bitner, and we could start a campaign to get him in the movie.

Posted by ME @ 11/18/2004 3:05 PM EST

Geez, I need to slow down when I type. I meant:
"I hope this idea would also please Mr. Bitner,"

Posted by ME @ 11/18/2004 3:07 PM EST

Dancing Citroen Transformer
http://www.gizmodo.com/gadgets...citroen-transformer-025638.php

Posted by ME @ 11/18/2004 3:55 PM EST

That commercial was cool, but it reminded me of something I saw a few months ago.

Breakdancing Transformer:

http://www.wilenkin.com/transf...s/Video_player_06_content.html

Posted by kidneyboy @ 11/18/2004 4:39 PM EST

That’s gotta b one of the sweetest things I’ve seen on the Internet.. Nice find!

Posted by Cyanyde @ 11/18/2004 5:02 PM EST

Truly awesome article!!!

Utterly disturbing, but truly awesome! You have taken my reading to new depths while I almost laughed out loud at your spectacle of lunacy.

Posted by TW @ 11/18/2004 6:01 PM EST

Kidneyboy, did you find the breakdance video here when I posted it a few months back, or did you find it somewhere else? Just curious, I found it on a music video blog I frequent.

Posted by ME @ 11/18/2004 6:29 PM EST

Go tell Aunt Rhoady the old Grey Goose is dead.

and my left ear is a soapdish!

Posted by Busmalis @ 11/18/2004 10:32 PM EST

Hey ME, if you are refering to the shockwave video I LOVED IT!!!

Shockwave as in decepticons…

Posted by phunqsauce @ 11/19/2004 1:08 AM EST

Don’t forget Laser.. that b-boy can boogie!

Posted by Cyanyde @ 11/19/2004 9:17 AM EST

TerdFergusson suggested making a mixed drink out of all the sodas and it rattled around in my head and just now, it hit. I think that might be bad in a "big Twinkie" kind of way. Or, more precisely, a Violet Beauregard-turn-into-a-giant-cranberry kind of way.
I’ve seen the TransFormers video before and one of the best things is the use of Vic Caroli’s voice at the beginning. "It is the year 2005…." Can you imagine a talking alarm with his voice? "It is now 8:30, time to wake up. Or you will be…. Late For Work!" The only reason I ever saw the first My Little Pony episode, (aside that we were living out in the country and it was one of the only things I could tune in) was Vic was the voice of the bad guy. A 20-foot tall centaur with wicked-long horns, dark gray in color, and that voice! He deserved his own show.

Posted by kingklash @ 11/19/2004 12:13 PM EST

uh… you keep calling them ‘colas’ throughout the review, I don’t think they are colas are they?

Posted by Cosine @ 11/19/2004 3:01 PM EST

It says "colas" on the bottles, dude.

Posted by Obvious Pointer @ 11/19/2004 3:14 PM EST

Where?

Posted by Cosine @ 11/19/2004 3:15 PM EST

Didn’t think so.

Posted by Cosine @ 11/19/2004 5:07 PM EST

from what i’ve been told people in different regions of the united states refer to soft drinks in many ways. Here in ohio you will hear "pop" used a lot. Of course some people say "soda" but I’ve heard of places that refer to any soft drink as a "coke" or a "cola" as matt demonstrated. then again this is just what i’ve been told….

Posted by phunqsauce @ 11/19/2004 5:09 PM EST

"uh… you keep calling them ‘colas’ throughout the review, I don’t think they are colas are they?" - Cosine

Jeez, splitting hairs much?

Posted by trajeal @ 11/19/2004 8:15 PM EST

ME:

Nope, but cheers to you for finding it first. I found it on another forum that I post on, someone had posted it there. But it does kick ass, yes? It takes a while for me to load it, but it’s def. worth it. I wish that Citroen commercial could have lasted a couple of minutes at least…that would have been really awesome.

So, in conclusion, ME, if you find anymore dancing Transformer videos, post them, posthaste!

Posted by kidneyboy @ 11/19/2004 9:04 PM EST

trajeal or ME,

Please…what’s the code for bold, its not [b]word[/b]. Help me out, I’m havin’ problems…

Posted by kidneyboy @ 11/19/2004 9:06 PM EST

The only Jones soda I’ve had is their vanilla cola, and I found it absolutely disgusting (though I love vanilla Coke). I’m tempted to try some of their more unique flavors, but I think this is one of those brands that draws attention to itself via its image, rather than by actually producing a quality product.

Posted by Abob Lyndsae @ 11/19/2004 10:39 PM EST

The date of this article Nov 14th…its the 19th of November…The next update BETTER be good….ive been waiting five days for it..

Posted by Jeff @ 11/20/2004 3:59 AM EST

Has anyone else seen that commercial for the homemade McFlurry maker? Now there’s an X-E article waiting to happen!

Posted by 4thDown @ 11/20/2004 11:00 AM EST

The doohickey for bold is the greater than/less than signs.

bold with doohickey
bold without

Posted by kingklash @ 11/20/2004 11:30 AM EST

Matt, Matt, wherefore art thou, Matt? I am anxiously awaiting the big Macy’s Day parade write-up. Hopefully, you will soon be completely recovered from your taste test. My tastebuds are quivering in horrified sympathy for you.

Posted by ChaosKitty @ 11/20/2004 1:48 PM EST

I really want to try some of this. Has anyone checked E-Bay? Jumping Jesus on A Pogo Stick! Peeps there want a ton of cash for this stuff.

Posted by TacoBob @ 11/20/2004 5:42 PM EST

Update….Update…Update….

Posted by Jeff @ 11/20/2004 9:01 PM EST

What if Matt’s…..DEAD (cue scary music)

Posted by Whirred @ 11/20/2004 11:54 PM EST

I’m sure that wherever Matt is, his thoughts are with us all

Posted by Kristal @ 11/21/2004 3:08 AM EST

If he’s writing up that Macy’s Day Parade review, he’s got a ton of work to do for it. Plenty of video and lots of words. Words take time. Trust me, you all won’t be disappointed.

Posted by trajeal @ 11/21/2004 9:08 AM EST

I agree with Trajeal…genius takes time, and those Macy’s reviews are GOLD. I just hope Matt reads all this blog he’s missed and answers me about the Xmas special. I am already getting pumped for Xmas- Thanksgiving is over and done with for us Canadians.

Posted by Muppet Baby @ 11/21/2004 9:37 AM EST

Matt should at least let us know that he’s still alive. I seriously think that Matt, SD, HG, VT, and VG are all dead. Well, looks like their positions are now open. Where do I sign?

Posted by Nate @ 11/21/2004 9:54 AM EST

Did I say VG? Oops, I meant VS. Oh well. I guess it doesn’t matter since they’re all dead.

Posted by Nate @ 11/21/2004 9:55 AM EST

Wat a minute. There’s something I didn’t realize. HG is dead! Ohhh, my love, my life..OK, next girl.

Posted by Nate @ 11/21/2004 9:57 AM EST

Hm.. You pulled off a three-in-a-row. Congratulations. =P

Anyway, yeah, I hope the Macy’s review is up by today, and the border made somewhat for the Holiday season =D

Posted by Chad "1m" Mosher @ 11/21/2004 10:07 AM EST

I had a friend in High School who’s old Italian grandmother used to call any kind of carbonated beverage "tonic". I always foubd that weird. And yes, an update would be nice.

Posted by Shonuf1 @ 11/21/2004 12:36 PM EST

Just touching on the Transformer stuff, my dream of a live action Transformer movie will finally happen in a year or two!

Posted by Shonuf1 @ 11/21/2004 12:50 PM EST

Thanks for the review!

I’m bringing the soda pack to Thanksgiving as a surprise, and hopefully people will be brave enough to step up for a taste test! Now I know what I’m getting myself into, and I’ll be sure to bring a camera for people’s reactions!

Posted by BabkaGal @ 11/22/2004 10:20 AM EST

http://blogthings.com/jonessodaquiz.html

Someone made a Jones Soda quiz. I’m not kidding.

Posted by Yama the Space Fish @ 11/22/2004 8:20 PM EST

I guess we know why they don’t sell it in stores.

Posted by Dixon Deeper @ 11/24/2004 11:13 PM EST

totally off topic but for you 80’s freaks, try out this "valleyUrl" talker. go there, put in any url and enjoy. it doesn’t work as well as i had hoped but it’s still interesting.

Posted by matt g @ 11/25/2004 1:02 AM EST

Sad to say I too had the unfortunate dis-pleasure of ‘drinking’ these ’sodas’ one comment:

Pure LIquid EVIL!

Posted by Delphi @ 11/27/2004 1:16 AM EST

Hilarious, this is so good for we curious overseas-ers, I would sell a family member to try them for myself or better still to serve these up to the in-laws for Christmas.
Cheers

Posted by Jen @ 11/27/2004 7:45 PM EST

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