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10/14/2004: Kellogg’s Monster Fruit Snacks.

Kellogg’s finally listened to YOU and rushed production on the brand new Monster Fruit Snacks, featuring Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster and the two other big guns that nobody really cares about. The deaths-in-film survey down below is pretty rockin, keep it going.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 66 comments

I love monsters. There. I said it.

Ghosted by bdsghost @ 10/14/2004 10:44 PM EDT

Those fruits snacks of the "fleshy" variety always make me gag just looking at them.

Ghosted by Jessica @ 10/14/2004 10:45 PM EDT

Second! I love it!

Ghosted by Casey @ 10/14/2004 10:49 PM EDT

I occasionaly find myself babysitting a few kids late at night while their mother goes off to shoot some juice with her girlfriends. I don’t have to make them dinner, but I am capable of giving them a late-night snack.

However, all they have in the kitchen are ten thousand boxes of different brands of fruit snacks. Toy Story, Winnie-The-Pooh, Fruit Rollups, generics, you name it, they have it. Every… single… kind of fruit snack. Every single one.

I’m sick of fruit snacks.

Ghosted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 10/14/2004 11:00 PM EDT

Well, except these. These never get old.

http://www.parnasas.com/PopArena/Articles/potato/1newgraphics/new/tfood8.jpg

Ghosted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 10/14/2004 11:01 PM EDT

I’m sad. I was never really into fruit snacks. Maybe I should start… And Matt? Can’t we please have a new survey? Naturally, something Halloween-related… :D

Ghosted by 1drland @ 10/14/2004 11:07 PM EDT

6th! Personal best! Woot! I have nothing else to say!

Ghosted by DocDragon @ 10/14/2004 11:10 PM EDT

Okay, I give in, I suppose I’ll add to the favorite death scenes list. In the movie Blood Dolls, a man is killed by his sado-masochistic wife in a very…naughty…contraption constructed of a large frame and a web of constricting wires. This movie is an absolute must-see for anyone who enjoys watching deadly dolls …and midgets.

Ghosted by 1drland @ 10/14/2004 11:19 PM EDT

I LOVE fruit snacks.

Hey Matt, have you ever thought about putting your articles together and publishing them in a book? I think it would be a big hit.

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 10/14/2004 11:30 PM EDT

My fave fruit snack from back in the day was something called Tootie Fruit. The fruit snack "log" featured two flavors at once. It had a more firm outer shell and a really soft middle of a different flavor. I don’t know if anyone remembers these but they were around in the mid to late 80’s possibly early 90’s. I can’t find anything on the on the web. Hopefully no one thinks i’m just crazy.

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 10/14/2004 11:47 PM EDT

Oh yeah I forgot to mention the Farley Fruit Snacks rock too. They are even softer than gummi bears and taste better. yummmmmm……

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 10/14/2004 11:49 PM EDT

Is there anything closer on our planet to the nectar of the Gods, I ask you, is there anything closer than the venerated fruit snack?

They’re delicious. They’re (usually) good for you (but not Gushers… if fruit snacks were drugs, Gushers are crack-stay away!). They come in individual packages (that’s a definite plus… I hate to admit this, but I can remember several times I’ve just decided not to eat when I have dozens of cans of canned food in my dorm room).

But you know what? Life has a way of teasing you into happiness, into hope, into trust, and then pulling the goddamn rug out from under you at JUST the right speed so you make exactly half a revolution in the air before falling on your damn head. I’ll probably find out tomorrow that fruit snacks cause cancer.

People tell me I borrow trouble. I mean really, what does THAT mean?

Ghosted by Night_Trekker @ 10/15/2004 12:20 PM EDT

Matt, you’re the motherfuckin’ Adonis of comedy. I just took time out from outlining French Industrial Revolution (in French) and your cookie article (complete with my all-time favorite Gary Coleman’s safety video) really justified my boring night.

Are you single?

…j/k

kinda

Ghosted by SovietRocket @ 10/15/2004 1:18 AM EDT

I like the idea of an X-Entertainment book…

Ghosted by Nephets @ 10/15/2004 2:36 AM EDT

Mmm. I expected more comments by now. :D Those snacks look good. I’ll have to keep an eye out.

Ghosted by Komichi @ 10/15/2004 6:58 AM EDT

Did anybody mention Gogo’s death from Kill Bill. Cause it’s pretty rockin’.

Ghosted by D @ 10/15/2004 7:39 AM EDT

So…Gushers are still around then? Because I definitely remember eating a LOT of those as a kid…as I watched AAH! Real Monsters! Those were the days.

Ghosted by 1drland @ 10/15/2004 8:30 AM EDT

you can get boo-berry cereal off of general mills website. boo-berry is much better than fruit snacks. who wants fruti snacks anyways? I want fliet, shrimp and lobster for a snack and spongebob ice cream with hot caramel on it for dinner. The two presidential candidates are jokers – please vote Mr. T for president!!

Ghosted by Mr. T @ 10/15/2004 8:36 AM EDT

I’m particularly impressed by the detail on each fruit snack. You have to admire the fact that you won’t have to consult the key on the box to figure out what it looks like it was most trying to be.
On a personal note, I still mourn the loss of what I feel was the holy trinity of fruit snacks: Fruit Roll-Ups, Fruit Bars, and Fruit Wrinkles. Though the roll-ups are still around, they’re only a shadow of their former selves. They come in, what, two flavors now? Pitiful…

Ghosted by Lori @ 10/15/2004 8:39 AM EDT

My favorite fruit snacks have to be Gushers, just because they are SO not made of natural juices, but rather that liquid candy you can find on the counter rack at Rite Aid.
They’re like candy disguised as good food. The parent gets their child Gushers and wonders why later the kid is flying off the walls.

Ghosted by AngeFaitore @ 10/15/2004 8:48 AM EDT

Anyone mentioned Old Yeller yet? Killed me as a kid when the kid had to shoot his own dog. Animal deaths are like that in movies, especially dogs for some reason. Even Turner and Hooch will give me a little lump in my throat.

Ghosted by jhnnywalkr @ 10/15/2004 9:37 AM EDT

Tell the theme song to Mr. Belvedere to stop singing in my HEAD!!!!!!

Ghosted by dfgdfdfg @ 10/15/2004 10:17 AM EDT

One of the most creative deaths I’ve seen is at the beginning of the sci-fi movie Cube where someone is basically diced into the shape of ice cubes by a laser grid. Not very gory but good.

Why do people respond to surveys more than the actual articles? I guess we’re survey-crazy.

I would include either of DVD or CD-ROM with the X-entertainment book with the commercials, movie clips, tv clips, and music videos. I got the Greatest Tv moments book with a DVD and CD and it’s awesome. Same goes for the wrestlemania book released a few years ago.

The only problem I see is that wouldn’t Matt have to get permission to publish with the photos needed? Or are they public domain since it’s a sorta satire ala Mad magazine.

Speaking of Halloween and Nickelodion, does anyone remember the contest they used to do called "Nick-or-Treat?" They would call you and you were supposed to say that to win prizes and play a matching-type game. There was also the Tv show "Are you Afraid of the Dark." that was pretty good.

Remember when R.L Stine was mega popular-in the eaarly to mid 90’s with Goosebumps and later Fear Street? There were even tv shows on them. I liked those things.

I guess I’m chatty today.

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 10/15/2004 11:06 AM EDT

They have brought back Nick or Treat! You go to the Nick WebSite, sign up, and wait by your phone. Like in the days of yore, you answer each call with "Nick or Treat!" to win. Woo-hoo! Another icon of the holidays comes shambling back from the dead! Blorgh!

Ghosted by kingklash @ 10/15/2004 11:46 AM EDT

Vote for Mr. T!

Mr. T eats steak and eggs!

Best death scene in movie — ms Daisy in driving ms Daisy — boy was I glad the movie was comin to an end

Ghosted by mr. T @ 10/15/2004 1:31 PM EDT

I have to say when a tongue is used as the murder weapon, I get turned on. Species was excellent in this regard. I have never been able to bust through the back of a chick’s head with my tongue, no matter how hard I try.

Ghosted by El Bang @ 10/15/2004 2:32 PM EDT

I doubt anyone has seen this movie, but the death of the catfish in the beginning of Children on Their Birthdays was pretty cool. S few older boys are fishing and one of them catches a catfish. To pick on a couple of younger boys, they tell them that the only way they can go by is to eat the catfish face. One of the younger kids (they’re about 12, while the older boys are about 15) wraps two hands around the fishy’s neck, opens his mouth and takes a huge bite of catfish lips. Woohoo! "Fish heads, fish heads, roly poly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum!"

Ghosted by trajeal @ 10/15/2004 2:39 PM EDT

I’d have to say one of the most disappointing death scenes was Darth Maul in The Phantom Menace. I thought the fight should’ve lasted longer after those laser barriers disappeared and I’m sorry Industrial Light and Magic, but if you are supposedly masters of special effects you did a shitty job of depicting his split body falling down that shaft. PLus the cheesey expression on Darth Maul face didn’t help either.

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 10/15/2004 3:03 PM EDT

Oh yeah I almost forgot….I always liked Sunkist Fun Fruits as a child but for some reason it always seemed like the lemon pieces were always hard as rocks!!!! Does anyone else remember this???

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 10/15/2004 3:06 PM EDT

MONSTER FRUIT!!!!

Ghosted by kingklash @ 10/15/2004 3:19 PM EDT

Remember Brach’s Rocks? They were really good. Heavily advertised in Ren and Stimpy comics, too.

Ghosted by Treecko Peeko @ 10/15/2004 3:46 PM EDT

no one going to vot for Mr. T?
cmon, these other clowns are jokers!

Ghosted by Mr. T @ 10/15/2004 4:27 PM EDT

Here’s a death scene for you. How bout when the guy from Henry the Red’s army was captured and thrown into that pit in Army of Darkness? A huge friggin wave of blood spurted out, and yet when Ash went down, he just ruined some deadite’s shit like it was nothing. What the hell? By the way the first guy died I was expecting some huge sarlacc type creature that spit him back out. As for fruit snacks, how bout the generic kind? I have no idea what the name of these things were, probably just fruit snacks or something, but basically they were little rain drop shaped fruit snacks in either grape, strawberry, or cherry, and seriously, they tasted better than any other kind of fruit snack out there. Did I get made fun of for the generic snack, sure, but they tasted so damn good.

Ghosted by Tenacious Tate @ 10/15/2004 6:34 PM EDT

MMMMMMMMM, Fruit snacks! By the way, I have a question to ask you that’s been eating at my mind for quite a while… WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH THE NAME X-ENTERTAINMENT?! Seriously, everyone i tell about the site has to be told that its not a porn site. And, in my personal opinion, PORN IS FOR SICK PERVY LOOSERS!
Tootles!

Ghosted by TOM @ 10/15/2004 7:41 PM EDT

X-Entertainment DOES sound like a porn site, but the X could mean X-Wing. Like in Star Wars.

Ghosted by AngeFaitore @ 10/15/2004 7:58 PM EDT

Sadly… I’ve gone to three different places on my quest to obtain some of the Monster fruit snacks. I say sadly… because one, I can’t taste the red Dracula! and two, I actually dragged my wife to these various places! How sad is my life?! LOL I went searching for fruit snacks on a Friday night! LOL
…Kill me.

Ghosted by Croww @ 10/15/2004 9:49 PM EDT

I liked that warning in your article about the yellow colored ones. LoL, as if you could read our minds and already know that this was the color that would be the cause of all our distresses. ha.

My question is if the whole bag had the red vampires and there were only 1 yellow guy, then would the yellow guy be the popular one that everyone wants?

It’s all physcology <–screw that word. I can’t spell it for the life of me. Why don’t we spell things pheontically <—gggrrrr Ironic that pheontically isn’t spelled pheontically (fonetikaly)

Ghosted by Novaximus @ 10/15/2004 9:59 PM EDT

I was a dork–my family was the only house on the block with an active jar of wheat germ in the fridge and a television turned around to the wall until the annual State of the Union address. I wasn’t allowed to have "fruit snacks". Dammit! Therefore, I must admit that these look yummy, although I have no idea what the flavor might be like. I always wanted some, but I was never able to convince anyone to trade their packet of gummy goodness for my vegan carrot cookies.

To further my own (fleeting) reputation of a nerd on this board, I’d like to sincerely commend you, Matt, on your literary prowess:

"…artificial fruit morsels shaped like Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, the Wolfman and the Mummy."

Thank you for not calling him "Frankenstein". Seriously. Thank you. That is all.

/not ugly, buck-toothed, or wearing hemp…just deprived in childhood and smart as hell…I’m that cynical friend of the group of pretty girls you stalk in bars

Ghosted by Emily @ 10/16/2004 12:30 PM EDT

there’s nothing wrong with dorks or being one….

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 10/16/2004 2:50 AM EDT

saw the fruit snacks at the store today and passed them up. TRhey always get stuck in my teeth too much.

ANd while we are on the subject of yellow things not tasting banana-y, I ate some Runts today(the Wonka fruit shaped ones) I too hate banana, so I throw those yellow ones away.

Well, some Oompa Loompa must have been nodding off on smack, cause I ate two green ones, and they tasted like the fucking banana death plaugue. I could have fucking killed that damn Wonka. Not just one mis-flavored green one, but TWO! Now myh Runt eating for the rest of the season will be tainted by the thought of Zartan-like Runts hiding in my snacksize bag, just waiting for me to feel safe…

Ghosted by kidneyboy @ 10/16/2004 4:29 AM EDT

I always thought the X in X-Entertainment meant Generation X. Huh.

Ghosted by trajeal @ 10/16/2004 7:51 AM EDT

Yeah, I always have to tell people it’s not porn, but it doesn’t bother me. I usually just call it X-E because I’m too lazy to do otherwise.
And Emily, I think you’re cool. I, myself, am a vegetarian. And if you read this website, I don’t think anyone here has a problem with your "cool factor."

Ghosted by 1drland @ 10/16/2004 10:56 AM EDT

A couple of good death scenes that come to mind are the scene in Halloween II where Michael Myers grabs that one nurse, and dunks her repeatedly into the overheated hydrotherapy pool, so she comes out with bloody bursting blisters all over her upper body, and the one from Friday the 13th part II, where the guy in the wheelchair takes a machete to the head and falls down an outdoor staircase.

Oh, and let’s not forget that part from the orginal Dawn of The Dead, where a shotgun blast made one guy’s head explode! Best random death ever!

Ghosted by Number 5 @ 10/16/2004 12:05 PM EDT

Wait… what’s wrong with wearing hemp? :)

Good to know there are other vegans reading X-E, Emily!

Ghosted by VeganMike @ 10/16/2004 12:39 PM EDT

Everyone I tell thinks it’s a porn site too.

And where’re the updates Matt? Burnt out?

Ghosted by AbraxasZugzwang @ 10/16/2004 1:32 PM EDT

I noticed that "nick or treat" was brought up in other article. Did anyone else notice in those "nick or treat" commercials that the kids said the phrase real fast and sounded like something very offensive?

Ghosted by kite @ 10/16/2004 2:01 PM EDT

Abraxablahblah: Nope, just been a crazy busy week at work. I didn’t get home until midnight and had to be in Brooklyn at 8 AM, and this is with a family emergency sprinkled in the mix.

We’ll be all caught up by the time the weekend ends, though. And next week’s entries are nowhere near as whatevaaa as this week’s were.

Ghosted by Matt @ 10/16/2004 3:46 PM EDT

X-Entertainment, X-Factor, X the Unknown, X-Girlfriend, Malcom X, Chemical X, X-Chromasome, X-President, Weapon X, X-orcist, Ham and X, X Marks the Spot, X-ican Hayride, X-Ray, Generation X, Degeneration X, X Me No Questions, and the ever-popular King’s X. But, as everyone knows, the X stands for "Quality!"

Ghosted by kingklash @ 10/16/2004 3:57 PM EDT

Don’t forget X-Men and Xtina.

Ghosted by AngeFaitore @ 10/16/2004 8:09 PM EDT

My best friend is a vegan. Sometimes. She’s in NY now so it’s not as tough on her since she has access to lots of vegan food.

I’ve heard about the many problems she’s had trying to get the nutrition she needs through vegan food. Not to long ago I described to her what veganism means to me:

"If life were a gladitorial sport, and you could be armed with the weapon of your choice, I imagine your decision would go something like this:

‘We have a nice rapid-fire crossbow here.’

‘No.’

‘And how about this lovely broadsword?’

‘No.’

‘Stick with a fucking crack in it?’

‘WHERE DO I SIGN?!’"

Nah, I kid, I kid. I’m planning to move to New York after I graduate (to be closer to this same "friend", nonetheless…). I figure since I’m there I’ll try out the vegan lifestyle. I’m a carnivore, but it’s always bothered me (I usually do a Native American-type thing before I eat meat, thanking the animal for the sacrifice).

Ghosted by Night_Trekker @ 10/16/2004 11:27 PM EDT

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