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Atomic Fireballs & 3-D Bloody Words!

New "real" article coming this weekend -- and maybe two if I'm quick enough. Meantime, the Countdown's been updated with a review of the new hotness this Halloween season, 3-D Bloody Words, essentially giant Fruit Roll-Ups shaped like deadly phrases. They're kinda cool, kinda not, but definitely in style. Remember, the Halloween Countdown doesn't stop for the weekends; come back Saturday and Sunday and every damn day till THE day for more four-paragraph ramblings on things I found at pharmacies. Speaking of which:

Atomic Fireballs! They weren't extinct, but I haven't seen these babies in a looong time. There was a deli within walking distance of my public school, so the big thing when I was in the fifth grade was spending anywhere from 2-5 bucks for huge bags of the nickel-each Fireballs. We were obsessed with them, and this being a five-pack for a quarter, I'm happy to report that they're still the same low price. I don't really require them to win the affections of my classmates these days, but if I ever need to cleanse garlic sauce from the pallet, there they are.

Posted by Matt on 09/23/2004. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 48 comments

The asking for the Chia article, at least for me, is a joke, and that’s what I always thought it was for pretty much everyone who asks for it. I am well aware he’ll probably never get to it. I imagine he doesn’t mind.

Chestnuts roasted by jhnnywalkr @ 09/24/2004 9:11 AM

Dammit Matt, I now desire Fruit Roll-Ups as well.

Fireballs… I’m not going to lie, I’ve never been a big fan of them. Why? I’ve never been able to hack it. My dad used to buy them all the time (you know, before my parents got divorced and WAY before my dad bought a lakeside house, a boat, and a jet ski, and then claimed he had no money and decided he was no longer legally obligated to help me pay my way through college, knowing full well we don’t have the time or money to take him to court… bastard).

Oh, what was I saying? :D Fireballs. Nope, never could keep ‘em in my mouth for long. Sour stuff I can usually handle, but not fireballs.

I didn’t think there was any shortage of the things. Maybe that’s because my dad always seemed to have a bunch in his pocket, 24-7.

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 09/24/2004 10:00 AM

I must have eaten them way too frequently, because I don’t remember them being red hot in the slightest. A slight cinnamon burn on the tongue, but like 10 times less the punch of a Warhead.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 09/24/2004 10:07 AM

HEY MATT, WHO IS PERFEKT??? Happened upon a weird webcam part of the site.

Chestnuts roasted by Pedro @ 09/24/2004 10:11 AM

My mom would’ve had a shitfit if I bought that home. Plus, I don’t think I would’ve wanted to touch it, but Matt, it’s pretty cool in the pictures. Good work.

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 09/24/2004 11:35 AM

Real blood works a helluva lot better than those window clings.

Chestnuts roasted by Dik Fishman @ 09/24/2004 11:58 AM

They kinda look like fruit roll-ups.
Goddamn…I have’nt had one in years:(

Chestnuts roasted by Evan @ 09/24/2004 12:29 PM

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=89&ncid=789&e=10&u=/playbill/20040921/en_playbill/88513">’The Last Starfighter’, the Musical, Beams Down Into World Premiere in NYC
Not to be confused with the http://www.dvdtalk.com/cinemagotham/archives/002076.html">Road House Musical.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 09/24/2004 1:19 PM

Holy crap, for some reason this article reminded me of my Jr. year of college. Me and 4 other guys lived in a shithole house in Durham that was literallY on the wrong side of the tracks (freighter went by every night at 11), complete with the sound of gunfire and homeless crackheads knocking on our door at all hours asking for spare change or any "extra beers" we might have laying around (what the fuck is an "extra beer"?) Having maintained a fairly consistent intoxication level since classes started in August, Halloween hit us out of nowhere and all of a sudden we had kids knocking on our door asking for candy. Completely unprepared the holiday we could only give out what we had laying around our squalid living conditions.

We began by dropping uneaten slices of pizza laying around from the night before and pouring what cereal we had directly into their loot bags. Strangely the kids did not find this at all unusual and politely lined up and waited while we poured cereal into each of their bags. Once the cereal and pizza ran out we gave away bottle caps. Icehouse beer was big at the time and had promotion in which an NFL team appeared on the underside of the caps, so we convinced ourselves that we were not being cheap.

The scary part of this story is that while we doing this all day, it didn’t once strike us as odd. It wasn’t until later that day/night, when one of my housemates’ girlfriends asked me whether we bought candy for the trick or treaters, knowing we sure as hell would not have motivated to do so. Proudly, I told her what we did and realized by her facial expressions she was becoming more disgusted by the minute. THEN, suddenly, the insanity of what we had done hit me and I doubled over with laughter. We still laugh about how ridiculous that was to this day, but remain somewhat disappointed that we weren’t laughing it up when when the trick or treaters came.

Sorry for the long post, but it’s one of my favorite halloween stories.

Pedro

Chestnuts roasted by Pedro @ 09/24/2004 1:26 PM

It’s the visual of these kids coming home and having their parents inspect their bags and finding beer bottle caps and slices of pizza that gets me. Imagine the look on your mom’s face if you pulled crusty old slice of pizza out of your loot bag.

Sorry.

Chestnuts roasted by Pedro @ 09/24/2004 1:35 PM

Matt, do you check your AOL email? I sent you a message there and i wanted to make sure you got it.

Those fruit roll up clings look awesome. I bet the next people who move into your apartment will be crime scene investigators and will want to practice their Luminol spraying on the nearby white wall. Now, if only stick roll up goo will glow under a Woods lamp…

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 09/24/2004 1:36 PM

those bloody words are an AWESOME idea. I gotta get these!

Chestnuts roasted by The Dragonrider @ 09/24/2004 3:21 PM

Isn’t "stay out" and "beware" painted in blood somewhat redundant? I would "stay out" and "beware" as soon as I SAW words written in blood.

It would have been cooler if they said things like "Come on in" or "welcome" or "help yourself to some peach rolls."

Chestnuts roasted by Sweetie @ 09/24/2004 5:01 PM

I think Crayola has some markers that let you make stained-glass like stuff on your windows. But, these are cool. And, if you can’t find them at your nearest ‘We’en supply, just use real Fruit Roll-Ups.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 09/24/2004 5:34 PM

My favorite part about eating Fireballs so much was the fact that your entire mouth would get numb. I always thought it was the closest I could get to that Simpson’s episode where Homer drinks candle wax… it always made ME want to drink candle wax. I’m just smart enough NOT to try!

Chestnuts roasted by Meg @ 09/24/2004 6:13 PM

…what exactly is a peach roll?

Chestnuts roasted by 1drland @ 09/24/2004 6:49 PM

Ahh, fireballs! I’m a lover of all things spicy, from sushi wasabi to that spicy Vermont cheese. Fireballs are one of my favorite things in the spectrum of all things hot n’ spicy!

Chestnuts roasted by AngeFaitore @ 09/24/2004 7:54 PM

There’s this old guy who comes into my work all the time and dumps a handful of fireballs on the counter every time. My boss says, "Dammit Pop, you know I can’t eat those damned things." So I always end up eating them all, and burn off half my taste buds in the process. Mmmmm, so tasty.

Chestnuts roasted by XTacy @ 09/24/2004 9:05 PM

Matt, what do you think of the idea of http://www.cereality.com/main.php">Cereality? Here are the FARKers take on the http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=1138869">idea.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 09/24/2004 10:24 PM

That is some amazing shit you’ve got there Matt, sticks to walls and destroys the white ones in the process, can it really be true?
I’ve always wanted to destroy walls with a decoration!

Mmmm… atomic fireballs! Ah the days of yore, many years ago when I would buy a bag and the cinnamon goodness would set fire to my throat, it’s amazing but the local Pick N’ Save still carries them, however it’s a box going for $10, kind of a waste considering how large it is and at most I’d eat like.. 2.

Chestnuts roasted by Jay @ 09/25/2004 1:56 AM

Pedro’s story reminded me of a college Halloween story of my own. I’d been seeing this girl for a little while, and finally (on Halloween) got her over to my place to watch some horror movies. Things were getting pretty "friendly," even with the little shits incessantly ringing my doorbell and interrupting. Eventually, I figured I was going to get lucky, so the next fortunate group of kids got a metric fuckton of candy, making out like bandits. The porch light went out, and any unfortunate soul brave enough to approach the darkened house left empty-handed. Halloween was over. Ahh, to be young again.

As an aside, I was scouring the Internet Archive for the old Chick tracts from X-E, and figured I’d save the links to share them with anyone else interested.

http://web.archive.org/web/20000816092003/http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/306.html">Dungeons and Dragons (broken image)
http://web.archive.org/web/20000817022254/x-entertainment.com/messages/311.html">Rock Music (broken image)
http://www.x-entertainment.com/liquor/chick/deaths/damned.html">Tossing the Damned
http://web.archive.org/web/20000817022102/x-entertainment.com/messages/337.html">Halloween is Satan’s Birthday
http://web.archive.org/web/20000817021952/www.x-entertainment.com/messages/353.html">DOOM TOWN (couple of broken images, sorry)
http://web.archive.org/web/20010208110139/www.x-entertainment.com/messages/384.html">Don’t Try Suicide
http://web.archive.org/web/20010208110834/www.x-entertainment.com/messages/411.html">Nick at Nite = Hell on Earth
http://web.archive.org/web/20001206091900/www.x-entertainment.com/messages/439.html">HAW HAW HAW
http://web.archive.org/web/20010208092202/www.x-entertainment.com/messages/441.html">Trick or Treat Salvation
http://web.archive.org/web/20010208110113/www.x-entertainment.com/messages/467.html">The Poor Little Witch
http://web.archive.org/web/20010207204425/www.x-entertainment.com/messages/481.html">Soul Story

I hope posting these links isn’t a problem, considering they’re hosted at archive.org and not on X-E. In addition, giving the nature of the archive, these links could break at any time.

Later!

Chestnuts roasted by Steaming Monkey Arm @ 09/25/2004 12:11 PM

Man, I haven’t seen Fireballs in YEARS. All the kids in junior high and my first year or two of high school lived on those things. No wonder they were all nuts.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 09/25/2004 6:57 PM

Atomic Fireballs can be found in pretty much every skateshop in Europe. Then there are the "Lemon Head" ones too…

Chestnuts roasted by Stefan Raab @ 10/02/2004 3:34 AM

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This entry was posted on Thursday, September 23rd, 2004 at 10:51 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.