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The Killer Spider.

It's a pretty nice day, so I took pictures for the next article outside. As I was setting shit up, there he was...the killer spider. Though the pic makes him look about 5000x larger and scarier than he was in reality, it's never been common for me to find anything resembling an exotic spider around here. Mostly we get plain old black bugs and a few daddy longleggios. This spider is obviously neither, and I'll bet you 50 bucks I'd be dead by now had it bit me.

The continuity displayed between this entry and the previous both being about something arachnous was completely intentional. And arachnous really is a word.

Posted by Matt on 09/05/2004. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 57 comments

I have a huge wood spider that lives outside my front door. We named it "Henry". "Henry" built his web right in front of our always lit porch light which attracts lovely bugs and is in the process of getting fatter everyday. Fun in the sun eh?

Chestnuts roasted by Mike @ 09/05/2004 9:59 PM

You should have let him bite you!
You’d prolly be Spider-Matt by now..

Ps.. You owe us all $50

:P

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 09/05/2004 10:16 PM

Yeah Id get some spray and unleash the fury of the world on that cursed and wretched thing, if he was indoors, otherwise id let out a girl-like scream and run away.

Chestnuts roasted by ArcticOrange @ 09/05/2004 10:42 PM

The urban legend about the daddy longlegs’ deadly venom has been floating around for a long time, but it’s not true. And you know what else? A duck’s quack echoes just like any other sound. And there is no Santa Claus! Take THAT, childlike wonder!

Chestnuts roasted by Jedoc @ 09/05/2004 10:50 PM

If there is no Santa then who brought me my incredible hulk underoos when I was a lad, huh? Answer me that!!

Chestnuts roasted by Mr King @ 09/05/2004 11:20 PM

:o Holy crud, I would’ve screamed and scurried away as fast as I could. I’m absolutely terrified of bugs/spiders/insects of all kinds. I actually gasped and scrolled quickly away from that pic when I saw it! *shivers*

I had Wonder Woman underoos when I was little. :) I even made little wrist cuff thingies like hers out of cardboard wrapping paper tubes! Those were the days…

Chestnuts roasted by Ryane @ 09/05/2004 11:40 PM

I had some G.I. Joe underoos, Transformers too, I think. Later on, I had some Nintendo pajamas.

The other day, I found a black widow in my room, along with an egg sack, so I got rid of both of them, with extreme prejudice (I think that’s the appropriate military euphemism). I think I saw a male scurry off, but I’m not too concerned, since they’re not poisonous.

Chestnuts roasted by marioshoku @ 09/06/2004 1:49 AM

Yeah, but it’s a close up of a common garden spider. So ha.

Chestnuts roasted by Yama @ 09/06/2004 11:05 AM

I own TransMetal Tarantulas and Beast Machines BlackArachnia. I like to chase those tiny spiders that try to bluff bigger bugs. You know, the stocky little guys that would be frightening if they were even normal sized, but try to pose aggressivly then run like crazy when your finger or stick keeps moving towards them. I’ve known people like that.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash on a webline @ 09/06/2004 11:30 AM

is it sad that I jumped back from the desk and screamed like a girl, such that my wife had to come in to see what I was scared of? She’s ashamed to have married me, for I was in fear of a picture of a spider on my computer screen. Thanks Matt, for re-affirming my masculinity.

Chestnuts roasted by whirred @ 09/06/2004 11:46 AM

SWEET MOTHER OF FUCKER JESUS HOLY AND SHIT!!! BANG-DROPPIN’ ASS-WIPERS!!! I FUCKING HATE SPIDERS!!! (screaming like a girl) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 09/06/2004 2:28 PM

Remember in Arachnophobia when Jeff Daniels would become completely paralyzed with fright when spiders were near him? He was dope as Doctor Death in that film.

Chestnuts roasted by Rollo Tomasi @ 09/06/2004 5:43 PM

Spiders don’t bother me. Fleas and ticks, OTOH, give my nightmares. I imagine thousands of tiny fleas hopping all over me and sucking out my life-giving blood. Has anyone here read The Basement? A guy in that book is attacked by a throng of ticks. The way they described the things flicking off him while he tried to feebly fight them off will haunt me until I die. Ugh.

As for your spider-y, just remember all of the mosquitos he’s eating right now, and every annoying house fly that gets trapped in his wbe before it can make it through your front door. he’s one of the good guys. How big was it, about? We had one that lived in the fake hanging plant we used to have outside our front door. The body was the size of a large grape, and its legs were black and orange striped. He was cool, but he blew away in a bad windstorm we had last fall.

Mike, our new kitten is named Henry. Henry Kittenger, that is. :-P

Jedoc, you’re right about the daddy longleg legend. They even researched it on MythBusters. I love that show.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 09/06/2004 10:12 PM

some info for you; where else would this knowledge be of any use?

daddy longlegs are not spiders, but aphids.

you are never more than 3 feet from a spider.

We always get these huge black spiders in our basement after a camping trip; it’s not so much that they’re in the basement where I sleep, it’s that they were hiding somewhere on me for the 3 hour portage and the 4 hour car ride home.

Chestnuts roasted by mypurposevague @ 09/07/2004 3:53 AM

I’m just glad I live in Canada where we don’t have fucking scorpions or jungle spiders that suck life-fluids from small children; trust me, nothing’s better than a spider for killing the insane amount of flies we get up here in the summer.

On a side note, we do have slugs in British Columbia that are the size of fucking bananas; they’re called banana slugs, my cousin once stepped on one.

Chestnuts roasted by poop @ 09/07/2004 3:57 AM

When I lived in Okinawa, I was privy to living with the biggest spiders I had ever seen. Banana Spiders. These things are just fucking huge! I’ve never seen one attack, or known anyone bit, but still, these things are unnatural.
One time we were camping up north at Okuma resort, and my friends and I came across a banana spider on the ground. Being a bunch of drunk sailors and Marines, we weren’t scared! That is, until the damned thing started jumping at us and chasing us back to camp. I would have paid money to see this from a 3rd person perspective. Six guys, some pretty big, running for their lives and screaming like little girls with a spider hopping after them….

God, do I treasure the embarassing moments in my life.

Chestnuts roasted by Brandon @ 09/07/2004 6:27 AM

nate –

bang-dropping ass-wipers?

Chestnuts roasted by Whirred @ 09/07/2004 8:50 AM

Si, capitain! Twenty lives to save two hundred! Those are odds I can live with!

Chestnuts roasted by Erik E. @ 09/07/2004 10:46 AM

Ewwwwww……Check the bang droppin’ spider I got to play with(clicky the name)

Chestnuts roasted by Blah...blah @ 09/07/2004 11:13 AM

I might ask my Sister In Iraq if she has any pics of those Camel Spiders. Now, those are some freaky-lookin’ arachnids.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 09/07/2004 1:57 PM

*shudder*

i have no problem with spiders as long as they are outside, far from my house. in my last appartment there was a spider web just outside my door in the spring with all these baby spiders crawling all over it…it was really creepy

I sprayed them with Fantastik then hosed them down with water; they were back 3 days later, so i moved :P

Chestnuts roasted by -Jen- @ 09/07/2004 5:01 PM

You saw a cool spider, and you didn’t let it bite you??!? Hello?!?! Have you seen Spiderman?

Chestnuts roasted by Patrick @ 09/07/2004 7:16 PM

Daddy Longlegs are not aphids. Where the hell do you get that idea? An aphid is an insect. Longlegs are arachnids, just not spiders. Other non-spider arachnids include ticks and scorpions.

Matt’s spider is actually completely harmless to humans even if it does look like a souped-up widow spider. I forget the exact species name, but it’s VERY common where I lived in maryland, esspecially during the fall. In fact, I have one outside almost every window right now, sitting in a GIGANTIC round web…it’s like nature’s free halloween decoration. I tried to keep one as a pet once, but she turned out to be pregnant so I let her go as soon as she spun an egg-sac.

I adore spiders, beautiful animals. And they have superpowers.

Chestnuts roasted by Scythemantis @ 09/07/2004 7:56 PM

Spider fact: everyone in their lifetime will injest approximately 8-10 spiders. Hahahaha!!!!

I heard about those evil screaming jumping leg-melting spiders, klash! Yipes! Eeek! Scary shit! No wonder Iraqi’s always so pissed off… Oh, yes: FYI – thumb-up sign in Arabian countries means "up yours". ooops. Tell your sister….

I thought spiders with those hour-glass thingy’s on their abdomens were always some sort of black widow? We had one living in our house for a week and we never saw it… wondered why a side-table always had webby things under it – turned it over one day and Uuugh! At least we don’t live near real African bushveld; size of those hairy spiders is frightening.

Not as bad as tiny jumpy things, though. They move too damn fast, like Shelob in LOTR.

Chestnuts roasted by childlike empressnessness @ 09/08/2004 12:15 PM

http://spiders.ucr.edu/daddylonglegs.html

check this out scythemantis, neener neener neener!

Chestnuts roasted by mypurposevague @ 09/08/2004 7:00 PM

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This entry was posted on Sunday, September 5th, 2004 at 4:45 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.