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08/30/2004: The Vending Machine Prize Spectacular – 2004!

Wow, this one took way too long to finish. A few years back I did a tribute to vending machine toys, but recent trips to where the beastly machines are located told me that there was enough shite left to examine, so here tis: The 2004 Vending Machine Prize Spectacular! Everything from Dr. Mad’s Blobs to the mysterious eggs of “The Chicken Machine,” it’s a two-page mess of quarter trinkets and button quails. Also, this is a work-from-home week due to the Republican National Convention ruining city transit. That more or less means it’s a vacation week, so expect more updates soon. Not super soon, but soon.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 93 comments

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Ah, vending machines. So many good memories.

Ghosted by Evin @ 08/30/2004 4:21 PM EDT

That quail thing is definitely one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen.

Ghosted by Mike @ 08/30/2004 4:44 PM EDT

HA! Now you’ll know what us Boston folk had to deal with during the DNC! lol…anyway, I’m glad there may be more updates this week, because believe me, I could sure use some…

Ghosted by Sara @ 08/30/2004 4:47 PM EDT

LOL, I still have fun with those things. I still want to win the mini phone from one of them (and they’re in there, I can see ‘em).

Definitely make an offer to the owner of The Chicken Machine. If you’re going to get a vending machine, it might as well be goofy.

I’m looking forward to updates, too. Perhaps another article with commercial downloads is coming soon?

Ghosted by Larry @ 08/30/2004 4:55 PM EDT

Recently,A new Super Wal-Mart opened in my town,and in their vending machines,they had stuff like Simpsons mini-bobbleheads,Kim Possible mini-mugs,and Spider-Man keychains,all for a like a dollar in quaters. I went for the Spider-Man keychains,getting a few.

When I was younger,I remember going for the NFL and baseball helmets,even though I wasn’t that big of a sports freak,and stuff like slime and whatnot.

Ghosted by Overlord @ 08/30/2004 5:33 PM EDT

Truly one of the best articles in recent memory. I can’t believe the "Feed us a Live Insect". That is freakin awesome.

I can’t figure out this word scrambler puzzle though. Too many vowels.

Ghosted by jhnnywalkr @ 08/30/2004 5:35 PM EDT

Hey Matt,
Here’s a chicken machine on ebay, not the exact same one that you had in your article but it’s pretty close.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=20270&item=6115584416&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW

Ghosted by celery @ 08/30/2004 5:41 PM EDT

To this day, I have spent about 20 bucks in my life on vending machines. I have gotten two watches. The odds of that have to be staggering. Of course, neither watch worked for about seven or eight years.

Ghosted by El Bang @ 08/30/2004 5:42 PM EDT

52 blocks full of angry Democrats. You’re wise to stay inside….

Click my name for this week’s feature, coverage of the Athens games…Ronald McDonald and all.

Ghosted by Mars @ 08/30/2004 5:45 PM EDT

This is my earliest entry in the blog yet. What, like 25th or something? I suck.

I have all 28 helmets from 9th grade, back when there were only 28 teams. I also have about 200 freaking Tampa Bay helmets, back when they were orange. Pieces of crap.

Ghosted by Shelby @ 08/30/2004 5:49 PM EDT

And I was hearing about all the bad things that the RNC brought to New York, but if it means that there’ll be more postings, then I’m for having it there in 2008!

By the way, which president do you think had the most sexual sounding name?

Johnson
Bush
Bush jr.
Harding
Clinton
Hoover

Oh well, the world may never know.

Ghosted by Barry J. Deeper @ 08/30/2004 5:58 PM EDT

Once, at a now-defunct grocery, they had a machine that spat out tiny, tiny transforming robots. I got, among others, a train, and a padlock. Yes, a fake plastic padlock that turned into a robot! If I can find him, I might feed him to Unicron. The little instructional brochures that were written in Japanese were cool to look at too.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 08/30/2004 6:15 PM EDT

I’m 14th.
Oh well, for someone who just got into this commenting thing, I’d say it’s a record.

I love those spy things, the bare thought of hearing conversation 100 feet away in hopes of catching someone plotting a scheme to kill a teacher, then I tell on them and get a medal or something.(I’m in Canada, even vending machines don’t use the metric system)

Ghosted by RPharazon @ 08/30/2004 6:27 PM EDT

I bow to your excellent use of the English Language, Matt. Your lexicon far exceeds my own.

Ghosted by Barry J. Deeper @ 08/30/2004 6:35 PM EDT

Matt-

One of your best. I thank you.

Ghosted by Dane E. Coffey @ 08/30/2004 6:41 PM EDT

I haven’t even read the article, but this has made my day a lot better after grueling Marching Band practice and pulling a muscle in my shoulder. Thanks, Matt.

Ghosted by Cameron T. @ 08/30/2004 6:44 PM EDT

The local pizza parlor where I live has a "chicken machine" with Fred Flintstone in the place of a chicken. Apparently, when Fred says "Yabba-dabba-doo"… he also lays an egg for you.

Ghosted by Meg @ 08/30/2004 7:08 PM EDT

Sadly, Juicy Fruit (or whatever you mentioned) is now 30 cents. Seriously.

Also, I just read a recipe for quails that involved eating them whole, holding them by the beak. Ew.

And one of those chickens in a family restaurant for some reason sent me and my step-sister into conniptions of laughter and I fell on the floor in the lobby cackling. We were on vacation so no one knew us.
I don’t remember what was so funny about it…

Ghosted by Piscez @ 08/30/2004 7:55 PM EDT

Matt–You still can’t comment on Dora The Explorer, because of your employers? I take it you’re still at Nick, good job staying employed, I don’t see how Nice wouldn’t film one of your stories for a commercial break…
By the way, I didn’t waste my time on vending machines, I used my grocery trips to get Garbage Pail Kids…

Ghosted by whitemale_98/competent soldier @ 08/30/2004 7:58 PM EDT

Am I the only person horrified by the whole quail situation?? Maybe I’ve just never seen a bird in a tank before…

Ghosted by Louis Tulley @ 08/30/2004 9:15 PM EDT

Another nice article Matt. However, according to CBS news, a kid (I think he was three or two) died for accidently swallowing the cheap jewel that came from vending machine, and it turn out it has a trace amount of lead.

Ghosted by Beta-Theta @ 08/30/2004 9:34 PM EDT

(Okay that was little depressing)

How come Matt you didn’t get the Shreik 2 stickers from the machine? I got two stickers (Shreik & Fiona and Puss n’ Boot) for the price of one (one got stuck to other) at my local white castle.

Ghosted by Beta-Theta @ 08/30/2004 9:40 PM EDT

The stickers are happily now decorating my old pencil box

Another related story to sticker at other local place around Cincinnati: at the same white castle, I decide to get a Simpson sticker. Hoping to get Abu, instead I got Willy. But sticker was kind of hilarious with Willy’s shirt rip open and saying "Grease Me Up Woman!" (However, unlike the Shreik 2 stickers it not on any old pencil boxes. Sorry guys )

Ghosted by Beta-Theta @ 08/30/2004 9:50 PM EDT

Great article.

A local chicken place here in Waco (Bush’s Chicken–not even remotedly named for the president, though) has a working chicken machine in their restaurant. My fraternity bros. have had great fun repeatedly stuffing it with quarters.

Of course, it helps that the machine is really loud and annoying, and it is placed right next to the "place your order" counter.

Ghosted by Cameron T. @ 08/30/2004 9:54 PM EDT

Great read. My favorite vending machine prize would probably be a sticker of Baraka from Mortal Kombat.

Ghosted by God Animagnus @ 08/30/2004 10:05 PM EDT

I always thought the slimes smelled like children’s toothpaste.

Ghosted by marril159 @ 08/30/2004 10:51 PM EDT

Well, seeing as only get one dollar in allowance a week, I never got into those. Also,since Chuckee Cheeze is all but dead to you Matt, If you ever want a good arcade, go to Golf and Stuff (Yes, the same kind of Golf ‘n Stuff like there was in the Karatae Kid). It has the best arcade games, Including some of the classics like Millipede. If any exist in your town Matt then go to em!

Ghosted by TOM @ 08/30/2004 11:04 PM EDT

Matt if you want a Chicken Machine there is one for sale on ebay, just type ipn chicken machine. It’s only at a hundred bucks so it’ll look good in your living room. I remeber the chicken machine back when i was kid, my grandma used to take us to eat at the kmart cafeteria and let us pput a quarter into the chicken machine there as it ofered golden eggs. Plastic golden eggs. never got one.

Ghosted by garp @ 08/30/2004 11:18 PM EDT

Someone in Chicago needs to help Matt get this chicken machine. They could pick it up for him and store it for a while, and then Matt could take a road trip to Chigaco to get it! That would make for a great article… lots of vending machines and crappy corner stores along the way…

Ghosted by XTacy @ 08/31/2004 12:04 PM EDT

oh wow! we have a chicken machine at the local S&R here in kingston.. it used to be in the main entranceway but i noticed they moved it up to the childrens wing… i gess the teens were messing with it or somthing….. i sweare we used to use that vending machine like 24/7

Ghosted by Orko @ 08/31/2004 12:08 PM EDT

There is a fried chicken chain called Golden Chick; many of these have chicken machines, so don’t worry about them dying out any time soon

Ghosted by Shay @ 08/31/2004 12:13 PM EDT

At the run down movie theatre in Joshua tree there’s a chicken machine too. Maybe there are a lot more of those machines then you think Matt. My favorite quarter machine toy was sort of like the ninjas but instead it was a monk. Or maybe it was just a bald ninja. It had a purple see through robe and huge eyebrows. We had many adventures together. He still sits on my desk.

Ghosted by Ally @ 08/31/2004 12:47 PM EDT

There are alot more of those chicken machines…we have about 2-3 in my city here in canada, and I remember back 10 years ago when I was young the local drugstore had one that had the coolest prizes ;o

Ghosted by gamersource @ 08/31/2004 1:05 AM EDT

Matt -

You MUST do a movie review of TROLLS 2! DO IT! I command you!

Ghosted by Psuedo Bohemian @ 08/31/2004 1:21 AM EDT

Holy CRAP, the chicken!!!!! I do remember having one of those chickens here in town, if I remember right it was in a ice cream parlor, right next to a donkey kong machine, which was my first video game experience. I thank you Matt for that flood of memories.

Ghosted by The Dude @ 08/31/2004 1:23 AM EDT

Great article! I always thought the little plastic guys with the working parachutes were gold. I loved getting those things.

Ghosted by VissionNine @ 08/31/2004 1:32 AM EDT

I have memories of the chicken machine.

Those vending machines are too expensive these days. Worthless piece of shit for 50¢ when I can get a ton of worthless shit for $2.95? no way.

I wanna see that bobblehead committing suicide! That would attract a ton of people!!

Too bad Matt doesn’t do requests…:(

Another thing it usually spelled:
/Got nothing

I don’t know why they put that little slash before it.

Ghosted by dfghfdgh @ 08/31/2004 2:00 AM EDT

I remember a Flintstones version of the chicken machine, but it had Dino. Unfortunately, I don’t remember which store it was in, because now I want an egg from Dino.

Ghosted by marioshoku @ 08/31/2004 2:14 AM EDT

Im 16…and even though im young I remember going to my local sparkle market with my aunt when I was younger, and I too would have to put up with the shopping, then at the end, right before leaving the store there was a Chicken Machine…the one that laid the plastic eggs..I would always have to get one..it was like a reward at the end of a brutal day. And for the rest of that day, that little 1 cent toy kept me occupied untill it got thrown away the next day..or sucked up in the vacuum..Good article..

Ghosted by Ken @ 08/31/2004 2:31 AM EDT

PS- my plastic alien was blue and had a jet pack. yay.

Ghosted by blergh @ 08/31/2004 3:18 AM EDT

One of my friends, whose family owned some little tiny, mom-and-pop bizzness, a cruddy candy shop or something, took me on a little errand one afternoon. He had been given the member card and sent to go pick up inventory from one of those honest-to-god-licensed-crap-dealers-only-allowed-to-enter wholesalers (where carnivals and chicken egg-stuffers buy from),

Needless to say, I walked out with maybe five pounds each of smarties and that rock-hard but kinda yummy Dubble Bubble gum. And a 100pc. bag of glow-in-the-dark crawlies. The exact same ones I had a passion for as a tot and subjected myself to the random 25cent roullette. Total; maybe three dollars, but it just ain’t the same, dammit.

Ghosted by Krappy Kat @ 08/31/2004 7:58 AM EDT

We too have a chicken egg machine in our area here in PA… Although I am sometimes sorely tempted – I have not yet succumbed to its chickeny whiles.

Also Matt, I have an aviary – and a Button Quail named Pretzel. She’s slightly (okay maybe more than slightly) neurotic and a pretty cool pet to boot. However, I feel that I may be cheating myself by not having some type of coin-fed insect dispenser involved in my setup. We just throw them in as she paces back and forth like some type of 4 inch tall rabid feathered junkyard dog. (The crickets are treats – not the staple of her diet, that’s human flesh.)

Ghosted by ripley26 @ 08/31/2004 9:17 AM EDT

I remember putting what had to be at least 100 dollars into a vending machine to get this ninja star with suction cups instead of blades, with an indian head on the star. I NEVER got the damn thing, and it never occoured to me to just go buy one somewhere with all the money I spent. This wasn’t just a thing stuck on the card-you could actually see it in the bubbles inside the machine.

I got really close, but then they refilled the machine and PUT THE FUCKING INDIAN NINJA STAR BACK AT THE TOP!

You’d get really stupid stuff-like spider rings and fake jewelry for girls and friendship bracelets, but occasionally you’d get a bootleg MUSCLE figure or something cool like that.

Still, no ninja indian suction cup star.

Ghosted by CaseyJones @ 08/31/2004 10:03 AM EDT

have i told you lately that you’re me hero?

personally – i’m always a sucker for those fake tatoo machines. i was at a skanky gas station during a trip to Oregon and in the bathroom was a machine with 3 different flavors of condoms — and fake tatoos! i was hopeing to get something badass like barb wire or dragons, instead i got this lame-ass flower thing. oh well. i still wore it and everyone thought it was real.

Ghosted by Melinda @ 08/31/2004 10:20 AM EDT

Matt, I can’t believe it’s been 2 years since you wrote the first vendings machine article. I also completely forgot about the the Chicken Machine! I haven’t seen one of those machines here in Northern VA in about 12 years. Thanks for the memories Matt!

Ghosted by J-Dog @ 08/31/2004 10:25 AM EDT

Good Article. Favorite Vending machine goods were the NFL Helmets. I used to make up my own type of game with them that decided my own "Mini Super Bowl." It was always decided by a coin flip. All the duplicates I used to make my own expansion teams. It kept me busy forever. That was until Madden came out.

As for the chicken machine I remmber both the Flintstone and the Original Chicken one. I also recall one with Mighty Mouse. Holly Shit the thing was gold. It had the mighty Mouse theme as the music and Mighty mouse spun around. I also remember smashing one to bits for ripping me off. I didn’t get my damn egg. So it was all worth it.

Ghosted by Rowan Steele @ 08/31/2004 10:25 AM EDT

I love the cricket vending machine! And I’ve never seen the chicken one before, but we have a lot of light-up gumball machines in movie places like blockbuster. Probably not as cool as a singing and dancing old chicken though. *sigh*

Ghosted by Sarah @ 08/31/2004 12:08 PM EDT

Man, when you’re on, you’re really on. LOL @ the General Tso’s joke.

Ghosted by Alien @ 08/31/2004 12:23 PM EDT

You know, Rowans post reminded me that those Dino Flinstones machines used to be EVERYWHERE when I was younger-a car wash here had one pretty recently, but it’s gone now.

I don’t see why the person making the machine didn’t realize that DINO IS A BOY! BOYS DONT LAY EGGS!

Ghosted by Casey Jones @ 08/31/2004 12:36 PM EDT

I don’t understand Matt’s dislike of Homies. How you can resist little Death and scary clown figures is beyond me.

Ghosted by Ubu Rex @ 08/31/2004 12:49 PM EDT

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