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08/30/2004: The Vending Machine Prize Spectacular – 2004!

Wow, this one took way too long to finish. A few years back I did a tribute to vending machine toys, but recent trips to where the beastly machines are located told me that there was enough shite left to examine, so here tis: The 2004 Vending Machine Prize Spectacular! Everything from Dr. Mad’s Blobs to the mysterious eggs of “The Chicken Machine,” it’s a two-page mess of quarter trinkets and button quails. Also, this is a work-from-home week due to the Republican National Convention ruining city transit. That more or less means it’s a vacation week, so expect more updates soon. Not super soon, but soon.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 93 comments

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I remember chicken machines. A grocery store in a nearby town had one a couple years ago,but the last time I was there,they didn’t seem to have it.

As for Fred Flintstone/Dino machines,I’ve never seen anything like that,except for a old,beat-up vending machine with Hanna-Barbera characters on it when I was at some cruddy pawn shop I was at with my brother.

Ghosted by Overlord @ 08/31/2004 1:00 PM EDT

Lately in lobby of my local AMC, the vending machine there were sell small Disney’s figures (eg. Stitch, Mickey, Ariel, Belle, etc) and Ulimate Spiderman bobblehead (spelling). However, unlike the cheap figures that you got, these cost a dollar (in quarters of course). I not to sure who made it, but I beleive it was Tomy.

Ghosted by Beta-Theta @ 08/31/2004 1:24 PM EDT

I remember spending almost $10 on M.U.S.C.L.E.S when I found them in a gumball machine once.. I got in trouble when I got home cuz I was supposed to buy something else.. Still can’t remember whan it was.(The reason I was there in the first place)
My mom threw them out on me but I went and got them back later.

Turns out they were cheap knock-offs anyway, but who cares about this stuff when you’re a kid?

Ghosted by Cyanyde @ 08/31/2004 1:24 PM EDT

Also, I may have once may have saw the Flintstone machnine, that everyone was talking about, at Hanna-Barbera Land in King Island (before it was bought by Paramount). It was either located by the ‘Beastie’ (once called Scooby-Zoom, now supposely a miniature version of the Beast) or Bam-Bam Boulder bumpers.

Ghosted by Beta-Theta @ 08/31/2004 1:31 PM EDT

In another related story to Paramount King Island, next year they getting a new coaster base off the recent remake of the Italian Job movie, but the sad news is that taking out the Antique Car to make room for the coaster

Ghosted by Beta-Theta @ 08/31/2004 1:35 PM EDT

Gloria the midget is lucky that there isn’t a coin-operated machine that feeds her crickets.

Ghosted by hamburger man @ 08/31/2004 1:55 PM EDT

I remember the Chicken machine from my childhood. Everytime I visited my grandparents I went to the store and they had the "Chicken Machine". I couldn’t get enough of it. Only this machine had GOLD eggs in it and if you got a gold egg you got something special (I can’t remember what it was). The Chicken Machine will live forever.

Ghosted by Iceman @ 08/31/2004 2:26 PM EDT

"I hereby declare that historians of the distant future will reflect on the downfall of this our current society, universally marking the trend of preteen girls marking themselves up with "Flirt," "Tease" and "B*tch" stickers, buttons, keychains, T-shirts, Henna tattoos and notebook scribblings as the exact point where we could no longer save ourselves from oblivion. How this fad began is beyond me; we went from just "hating mean people" to christening ourselves as tramps and hookers."

I couldn’t agree more! I always wonder why parents let their tween daughters wear that crap. I’m guessing there’s a lot of whining and pouting involved. The biggest offenders are those clothes with the words on the ass- are they trying to get people in trouble?

Ghosted by 4th Down @ 08/31/2004 2:31 PM EDT

Bravo Matt!! Reminds me of one of my favorites of yours, the Amazing Incredible Bag ‘O’ Crap. (If I was more technologically savvy, I’d add a link).

Not to bring up SHREK CRAP, but at the (rather crappy) game room at Chelsea Piers, the crane game is FILLED to the brim w/ shrek dolls. Went drunken bowling last Saturday afternoon and spent $5.00 trying to get a stupid donkey doll. Damn donkey!!! I thought I saw a couple of mewtwos in there two, but I think you bought them all, and I was rather intoxicated at the time . . . they could’ve been hello kittys.

Oh, and as an added bonus, the smoking situation at Chelsea Piers kicks ass b/c you can smoke right outside the alley door, unlike fucking bowlmore where you have to take off your (their) shoes and get in rickety fucking elevator.

But I digress. Great work, man.

Ghosted by Pedro @ 08/31/2004 2:55 PM EDT

I’d Completely forgotten about the Chicken Machine. I used to love going to Giant Eagle when I was a kid. I dodn’t remember ever being allowed to get an egg from the Chicken, but I used to like staring at it.

Must find a chicken machine here in NC…

Ghosted by Purple Peril @ 08/31/2004 3:02 PM EDT

Matt, I think we should get married. Seriously. I totally forgot about the Chicken Mackine, but when I saw the picture, it took me back to the days of the old Newberry’s in Boonton, NJ. Every time my mom forced me to go there with her she’d let me get a prize from the chicken machine and a box of those crappy prang crayons that color like candles would if you rubbed them on paper.

Ghosted by Kate @ 08/31/2004 3:42 PM EDT

I-mockery.com has a pretty good article about shorts with words on the ass.

Ghosted by CaseyJones @ 08/31/2004 4:33 PM EDT

Sigh. You’d think I’d pay more attention to the vending machines, given that I actually WORK at a grocery store, but I can’t remember the last time I actually got anything out of one.

Superballs were my favorites, but they drove my mother crazy, to the point where she first banished them from the house, then from being brought home all together. The NFL helmets looked nifty on Barbies (but they never gave us the Eagles!) and my sisters loved the goo and the ones that stick to walls (I was never crazy about the slimy stuff, plus they make a mess…).

Ghosted by starwenn @ 08/31/2004 4:47 PM EDT

I must say, this article is living proof that vending machine prizes can lead to all sorts of fates: religious enlightenment; fortune and fame; insanity; glamour; you name it. Or maybe it all just leads to a quarterless pocket.

Ghosted by Nate @ 08/31/2004 9:47 PM EDT

I was just thinking about a chicken machine from my youth about a week ago! It was at the local "Towers" department store (now "Zellers"), and was situated in an area that was kinda darker for some reason (in a lobby/sale merchandise area between Towers and the grocery store that was connected to it). It was even more deluxe though – The main part of it was the same as the one in your article, but there was a booth that you sat in (like one of those photo booths). While you could see and hear the chicken move around from the outside, the quarter slot was inside the booth, so you had to sit inside (where there were extra speakers) to claim your prize. The chicken also made a clucking noise before whatever the song was played. I remember it being a very surreal experience, and it almost felt like I was going to the movies.

Ghosted by KMC @ 08/31/2004 10:08 PM EDT

I can’t beleive you guys, you step in amazingly embarassing things, get an obnoxious chicken speaking to you that’s loud enough to wake up the dead, then you feel no shame in it, even though dozens of people are looking at you like you’re crazy.

Ghosted by RPharazon @ 08/31/2004 10:38 PM EDT

"Yabba-dabba-doo! Dino thanks you!"
There’s still one of those down at Papa’s Pizza, but their pizza tastes like ass so I won’t be visiting that machine anytime soon…

Ninja figurines are the coolest, I got a box-full of various varieties. One of these days, I’m going to one of those sites that sell vending machine toys in bulk and get 200 ninja for $30.

I remember wasting my money as a kid trying to get the billiard-super-balls from a machine that had three different kinds, only to succeed once. I found a filthy one abandoned at a campsite, and was sorta happy… BUT NOW, there’s a machine at the mall that has nothing but billiard-super-balls!

Ghosted by RewolfJ @ 09/01/2004 12:35 PM EDT

I remember having the chicken machines around hereabout ten years ago, even then they were rare, you have no choice but to buy this machine!

Ghosted by Kirkpatrick @ 09/01/2004 9:06 AM EDT

Definitely worth all of the effort. One of the best articles in memory. My only wish is that you could have included some video of the Chicken. I remember that one from SHOWBIZ PIZZA in my hometown of Jacksonville, FL. It is now a Chuck E. Cheese. Not sure if they have singing robots. Without the ROCK-A-FIRE EXPLOSION, there is no point. Sigh. I am glad to see that the Chicken maching is still cluck cluck clucking away in NY.

Ghosted by manimal789 @ 09/01/2004 5:47 PM EDT

The true sign of the Chicken Machine’s greatness….there was a whole "Newhart" episode devoted to one. It was one of the early episodes with the character of next door neighbor Kirk Devane, before he got booted off in favor of Peter Scolari a.k.a. ‘The OTHER guy from Bosom Buddies’. If I remember correctly that one gave out plastic frogs in the chicken eggs.

Ghosted by Garrison @ 09/01/2004 8:23 PM EDT

I never really spent a lot of money in those vending machines. However, somehow I got my hands on a Houston Oiler tiny football helmet. My Barbie dolls wore it sometimes.

Ghosted by Divaah46 @ 09/02/2004 11:36 AM EDT

Hey, about those Blinky Rings…you mentioned that the top chamber ‘presses down’, but did you mean ’screws down’? ‘Cause that’s how they work, you twist the top like a jar lid to turn ‘em on…

Ghosted by Jack Hare @ 09/03/2004 4:36 AM EDT

THE CHICKEN MACHINE!

They had one of those by the checkout at Just Love, a big children’s clothing warehouse place in Oceanside on Long Island. Damn did I love that thing as a youngster. I don’t recall it having a song, just going BOCK BOCK BOCK BOCK BOCKAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Ghosted by Bix @ 09/03/2004 4:39 PM EDT

I demand to know where you found tom servos.

Ghosted by bogeyb @ 09/03/2004 7:41 PM EDT

Funny you should mention those animatronic Chuck E. Cheese things. When I was little, we had this Chuck E. Cheese record with some character on the front playing the drums. One look at that thing would send me out of the room crying and give me nightmares for years to come.

Ghosted by FLyGrL @ 09/03/2004 10:05 PM EDT

Correction: It was Showbiz, not Chuck E. Cheese.

Ghosted by FLyGrL @ 09/04/2004 12:42 PM EDT

Crap. Posted about this article in the previous post. Crap.

Ghosted by Nachokhaki @ 09/04/2004 12:11 PM EDT

I’ve seen that same model of Chicken Machine at the doors of a local drugstore. In fact, it might still be there. I’ll check by.

Ghosted by z-reserve @ 09/04/2004 4:39 PM EDT

If you ever get a Chicken Machine, or even if you don’t, here’s where to go to fill it:

http://www.stickermachine.net

No word on whether eggs are included or not.

Ghosted by John @ 09/05/2004 10:23 AM EDT

Wow. I suddenly feel so validated, so "no longer alone."

I LOVE vending machine toys!! Though, it is hard to find good ones. I originally came to post to clue you in on the blinky ring thing, but I see someone already has. They are a little tricky, but everything you dreamed they’d be once they’re on.

I got started on buying these (as an adult) with the little birds that would balance by their beak on a cone, so they looked like they were flying. But what hooked me were these little foam cube puzzles that were AWESOME!! The first time I tried to get one together the thing kicked my ass!! (okay, I may have been somewhat chemically impaired at the time, but, still!!) I bought a bunch of them, and used them as sort of an IQ test with my friends: seeing how long it took different people to put them together. In fact, since I would hand them to someone in pieces, saying, "It makes a cube," the first test was whether they understood what a "cube" was. (I know. I know. I really need a better class of friends. But I don’t hang out with the one or two who failed that part anymore…)

Anyway, great review! Cool site! First time I’ve been here, but I think I’ll be back!

~From a feline state of mind, DonnaCat

PS: I have a friend who worked for a while filling the machines and collecting the quarters. I can tell you for certain that, at least with his company, there is only ONE ring watch in each machine-full of assorted baubles.

Ghosted by DonnaCat @ 09/05/2004 6:43 PM EDT

Heck’s, a department store that was in my town when I was a kid(not the mall store) had a chicken machine. The store went under years ago, and eventually became a Big Lots. Sure enough, the chicken machine is still there in all its glory.

Ghosted by Jason @ 09/06/2004 12:54 PM EDT

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=1112299

Ghosted by Some Guy @ 09/07/2004 3:13 PM EDT

You, Sir, are insane. And I mean that in the most complimentary way possible.

Ghosted by A Gentleman @ 09/08/2004 2:22 AM EDT

Holy fucking shit that was funny.
Gives me a bunch of good ideas. Keep it up.

Ghosted by Rankenphile @ 09/08/2004 2:47 AM EDT

Dude… you have no life, but you’re hilarious..

Ghosted by Vickie @ 09/20/2004 6:04 PM EDT

Dude… you have no life, but you’re hilarious..

Ghosted by Vickie @ 09/20/2004 6:04 PM EDT

Dude… you have no life, but you’re hilarious..

Ghosted by Vickie @ 09/20/2004 6:04 PM EDT

there a 2 chicken machines in my area one is the regular chicken one and the other is the converted Flintstone dinosaur egg hatching one.

Ghosted by pikachulover @ 09/21/2004 1:33 AM EDT

Those ninjas are the best thing ever. Everyone in my group of friends has one in their car, usually hiding in some ingenious fashion. We’ve done this since around 99 or so, and it’s one of my favorite quirks of our group.

Ghosted by Interociter @ 09/28/2004 4:56 PM EDT

Okay, after reading this, I was in Wal-mart the other day, and I saw some of those blinky rings. So, I bought one, of course. Just to see. And mine worked! I was so happy! All I had to do was turn the little top part clockwise until it started blinking red and yellow. I don’t know if they are the same kind as yours, but just so everyone knows, the blinky rings in my North Carolina Wal-mart are blinking like crazy. So yeah.

Ghosted by Mallard @ 10/01/2004 11:50 AM EDT

You have no idea what your exposé on the Chicken Machine meant to me. They populated my area in my childhood years and while I had long forgotten them, your review made me remember them like it was yesterday. If I were you, I would definitely get one. I hope I don’t come across one with excess cash in my pocket, because it WILL get spent.

Ghosted by Orson @ 10/08/2004 4:03 PM EDT

I’ve still got a chicken machine at my local drug store, and yes they also have other less run of the mill toy machines so if you ever find yourself in Phoenixville Pennsylvania (which is a snowball’s chance in hell and if you do arrive there you’ll be wishing you were a snowball in hell just to end the misery) go to Gateway pharmacies to see this wonder of the world. And yes I know I use run on sentances. This Chicken Machine doesn’t look to great on the outside but the music plays and the chicken is well painted, moving easly in an endless circle as it drops its load of delight (which could be anything from an army man to one of those fake gold ring watchs) out for the world to enjoy for the low, low price of 25 cents.

Ghosted by Zanduar @ 10/10/2004 12:16 PM EDT

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