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84 Mewtwos, 200 Gray Gorillas.

When faced with a clearance sale -- a major clearance sale -- I often encounter trouble. Instead of just buying a single liquidated item, I tend to buy as many as possible regardless of need or even desire to own them. The sickness first surfaced eons ago (eons meaning several years of course) at Toys 'R' Us, where I found Wheeled Warriors accessory packs marked down to a literal eight cents each. (these were the blisterpacks containing extra tires, alien brains and guns for Saw Boss and pals) When I realized that a measly buck could a dozen toys, some little bell went off in my head and has consistently forced me to repeat the process whenever the opportunity presented itself. With that...

Some of you might have noticed TRU's major clearance sales going on -- not sure if this plays into the alleged "no more toys" rule, but whatever the case, shit's cheap. They've got this deal where anything with an already marked-down green price tag is 50% off, so you're really clashing oars with all the housewives doing their early Christmas shopping. If you can survive that, treasures await -- check out that bag of Pokemon Mewtwo plushies. Quarter a pop. I have no conceivable use for 84 Mewtwo dolls, but stand confident that, someday, I will undoubtedly safe a life using 84 Mewtwo dolls.

And, found at a nearby closeout store, here's a bag of 29-cent promotional Congo figures. Gray gorillas! The chilling fact that promotional figures for Congo actually exist notwithstanding, it's always interesting to waltz up to a tired checkout girl and dump a basket full of plastic monkeys on the table. I think there's twenty of 'em or so. Twenty gray gorillas, 84 Mewtwos, another chunk of the closet that can no longer be used for clothes.

Posted by Matt on 08/27/2004. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 146 comments
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http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=1112299

Chestnuts roasted by Some Guy @ 09/07/2004 3:12 PM

So much good writing and funny concept here..

Chestnuts roasted by Rancho @ 09/07/2004 4:19 PM

Keep trying on the Blinky Rings – I got two, one worked (.500 average??). The working ones are very cool – worth getting a few duds. Most likely the batteries are reversed/dead. It seems like if the ring rattles apart on the trip over from whatever distant slave archepelago they are made, the batteries might short out on the metal ring parts in the capsule. Most of the rings had fallen apart in the machine that I found. The ring that worked, was the one which was intact in the capsule.

Chestnuts roasted by HP LaserJet 4200tn @ 09/07/2004 5:14 PM

Ok, so I’m 35, and not to sound too terribly fartishly old, this really brings back memories of the mid-70s when my friends and I would slavishly pump quarters into one of these things in the always vain hope of getting the lighter. There was this gold or silver lighter in a lot of the quarter machines, but only one person I knew ever got one. And it actually worked.

God, the seventies were great, if only because then people trusted their children with the secret of fire.

Of course, the snakering i kept getting was quite wicked too. Too bad I gave them away to Tabitha, who gave me only cooties and heartache in return.

Chestnuts roasted by Pandaba @ 09/08/2004 12:23 PM

the ring you that lights up has the batterys put in backwards.I gave it to my girl as a promise ring:) But now all she says is that, I think shes only worth 50 cents. :( I guess I m just an Inconsiderate bastard. So much for trying to be cute.

Chestnuts roasted by daniel lostangl1981@yahoo.com @ 09/09/2004 1:32 AM

Holly crap. You make me laugh. I poopy so hard. You me like funny ha ha. I like machine gift giver with more happiness. Thank you.

Chestnuts roasted by Rikhaus @ 09/10/2004 6:10 PM

I’m still curious about these machines whenever I pass them. That’s a really great part of having a 7 yr.old daughter, I look like a wonderful dad giving his kid a thrill whenever I give her a quarter for one, but I get almost as big a kick out of it.

Incidently, she’s into the Shrek and alien figurines (both just a quarter) what a deal!

Good job, Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Terry @ 09/11/2004 9:31 AM

I wonder what the TRU down here in Honolulu is like, I haven’t been there for at least 10 years. I was at Times Square a few months ago, and there was this huge line into the TRU. I couldn’t figure it out.

Chestnuts roasted by Christian @ 09/15/2004 1:37 PM

Hahaha that was the funniest work time killer i think i have ever read. Holy crap that feed us a live insect machine is just scary

Chestnuts roasted by Jackie @ 09/20/2004 3:11 AM

Ever wonder that if you were to put in just one more quarter you would receive that FM radio? Just a thought…

Chestnuts roasted by Meagan @ 09/21/2004 9:16 PM

what do clearnance items have to do with vending machines? i can see a connection but i’m not sure i understand… i suppose this makes more sense than the giant worm link leading to the front page.

anywho, you missed the paratroopers, they were the of the coolest things kids could get at the grocery store in my neighborhood. yep it was them and the fake mad balls that were small and made of plastic. further, about the chicken machine… for me it wasn’t the chicken so much as the eggs themselves which can sometimes be found coming from regular machines. my bro and i used to use these eggs to hold pennies, rocks, water etc. to chuck at animals, cars and of course, each other. these mini grenades split open on impact and whatever was inside splattered out. this was better than just throwing regular eggs because we were dirt poor and ate eggs for dinner.

plz visit my page and or vote for Kerry. (not that i give a crap)

Chestnuts roasted by )@(*#&!_)@(*$#)%*+^(+_@! @ 09/22/2004 1:48 AM

Hey Matt – here’s another article I missed until now.

There’s a chicken machine in this museum of a mall in Baldwinsville, NY. It’s called the Tri-county mall, and walking down its echoey floors you’ll see a vast array of stores that bit the dust years ago. There are disco-balls that hang from the ceiling, for crying out loud. There is only pizza shop and a card shop left, which is enough to bring in the 12 year old boys.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff Mack @ 10/06/2004 6:45 PM

ok so the chicken vending machine…omg i was so excited to see that…there was one at the local supermarket i went to with my grandparents a as a little kid and i always got something from it…it was at a METS supermarket in the Bronx…i havent been back there in years so i dont know if its still there but it was by far THE BEST! :)

Chestnuts roasted by Lisa G. @ 10/09/2004 9:35 AM

So I guess its’ Mew-Eighty-Four now.

I wish they had sales like that here in FL

Chestnuts roasted by Will R. @ 10/16/2004 4:34 PM

hey, i love those blinking rings. to make them work, though, you have to remove this plastic, black ring around the middle, and screw the top into the bottom! that’s it! and those are some serious batteries in there! give them another chance, they’re worth it!

Chestnuts roasted by Bri @ 11/07/2004 3:05 AM

So are you selling any mewtwo’s?

Chestnuts roasted by heather @ 06/18/2007 2:22 PM

Anybody who knows where to find those little metal rings they used to sell in vending machines that have the little rivets in them that always broke when you put them on please let me know!

Chestnuts roasted by Mary @ 06/29/2007 3:37 AM

love it

Chestnuts roasted by kaylee @ 07/02/2007 10:54 PM

I’ll buy a mewtwo!

Chestnuts roasted by Rowena @ 01/25/2009 12:06 PM

I just drove 330 miles for one of those damn chicken machines.My (sometimes dyslexic) gps was even afraid to talk in downtown Detroit, she (Icall her Karen)maintained radio silence for about 10 blocks, (Like we were in a WW II deep sea submarine behind enemy lines). She abandoned me as we toured block after block of burnt out tenaments. (When was The Great Detroit War?) I was surprised to find The Chicken’s even more attractive distant tropical cousin, Yes, The Talking Parrot Egg Laying Machine.I couldn’t come home without him. He’s beautiful. He taunts you by whistling and the occasional “craaaw” noise when you least expect it. He surprised me the first time he spoke, He has an english accent.and calls the egg a “present” England is far from tropical but I’ll adjust eventually.I for one love these chicken and parrot machines and they will be preserved in my collection FOREVVVVVER. I’m a tad weird, I also have 13 tampon machines, coin op bed vibrator, hot nut machine, coin op radio,coin op popcorn machine, 5 coke machines,1 pepsi, 4 slot machines, cigarette, gum and cigar, condom, pencil, chicklet, toy, bouncy ball, golf ball and more.

Chestnuts roasted by steevied @ 03/05/2009 1:25 AM

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